"You find yourself comforting THEM." I don't know how many times I found myself doing that. I feel like a fool whenever a thought of a time that I've done that (comforted the narcissist) randomly pops into my head. You tell narcissists how their behavior makes you feel, they feel sorry for themselves and the victims feels invalidated and robbed (of an apology).
This totally explains why it's so impossible, they really do think they're the victim. Just unspeakably horrible, hopeless and awful. The worst part is they pass as normal, it's so confusing. Thank you so much for explaining this insanity. I was in it all my life. I realised no contact, but still thought they would grow up eventually. No, they get worse. Destroying people's reputations and enjoying it. Evil.
The stonewalling has taught me to minimize the frequency of initiating conversations with the narc in order to avoid stings of being ignored. Pretty much, don’t speak until spoken to. And when I do speak, I will need to speak in a soft tone without any suggestions of criticism about the narc’s behavior in order to avoid the narc’s wrath. It seems ridiculous to me that someone would feel entitled to or would even want such an imperious one-way relation with an intimate partner. Your videos are helpful in providing insight into that mindset. When I react (so called “reactive abuse”) by not initiating conversations or by speaking in a higher volume in a few instances to be less easily ignored, the narc assumes the role of victim and projects the role of abuser on me. So dysfunctional. So unhealthy. Such nonsense. Thanks for making some sense of it.
For me sadly it seems like no matter where I go after running away from toxic environment and people it follows me so now I look within and build myself to handle situations out of my control by controlling myself. I don’t have demands no more from toxic people just preferences and if my preferences don’t get meet them too bad. I have the self assurance and skills now to be fairly decent in a toxic environment to survive…..working on thriving…..one piece of knowledge at a time 😊
This video helped me. Also I got a piece of paper out and wrote down “where my attention goes”. Then break down in categories the percentages of where you put your “attention” daily. Maybe it depends on the day and that’s fine too but break it down so you “see” what’s going on w “you. Also write down the value or the lack thereof and the outcome of how things turn out when your attention is focused there. Your “attention” is so valuable. It’s emotional money just like the physical money in your checking account. You are so valuable in so many ways. Much love to y’all.
Thank you thank you for making the stonewalling video!! This was so clarifying and validating to hear ♡♡ I cant tell you how much I appreciate your channel ☆
A deathless death.I bestow upon to you my love my heart my emotions my feelings my dreams my hopes my fears my voice my joy my grief and yet i still have a breath in the realm of this deathless death.
My ex husband would start in on me about “b!tching” all the time…lol…it took a lot to get me to “b!tch” about anything especially to him..,I would do anything to avoid dealing with another one of his tantrums…and listening to his version of things.,like no judge would ever let me divorce him! Lol.,,as if he owned me…and I couldn’t prove that he was cheating because I wasn’t there so prove it…it was him wanting me to know he was cheating…I was more concerned about the damned speeding tickets and wreckless driving tickets and him being unemployed because they can’t insure someone with a bad driving record so he got fired from a really good job hauling cars over the road driver…somehow that was my fault…🤷♀️ I was just glad it is over …14 years later and I still have issues communicating anything and have just learned as I go with things like my vehicle being broke down…RU-vid videos and getting my hands dirty…I’m already an introvert…he just made it chronic lol
You have made the final. Chapter of my life a NIGHTMARE. I knew for so long that you were deceiving me by abusing your power, knowing well that I have no credibility you have a free hand doing what ever pleases you for entertaining your Women and your ‚. prettyBoy Friendsˋmaking. A Fool of me for decades, knowing that I have no support. I have lived your brutality for decades, decades, accepting my innocent belief, a,though knowing in my heart that you do not give an F. About me. It was an easy game for you with a small town village woman from Easter Europe. I know, if there is a God , you will he held you accountable.
