Stop normalising 🙅🏾‍♀️...I Episode 106 

Things we should stop normalizing: 1. Romanticizing/ glorifying poverty/ the struggle life_ from discouraging those who want to do better, to calling people greedy/ boastful for wanting better, whatever it is , the idea that poverty and humility are equal and " closer to God" helps create a scarcity mentality because of the belief that " money is evil" 2. Judging people's hobbies based on Gender as not masculine or feminine "enough"_ you are a lady who loves football, good for you, you are a man who loves romcoms, soaps or reality tv, good for you. Enjoy yourself. Its your money, and your free time. 3. The assumption that women automatically love chores and its "our love language"_ some of us would automate pretty much everything or pay someone if we could. Its fine and valid. It doesnt make anyone " lazy". 4. Expecting everyone to be into the party culture/ life_ we dont all have the same idea of fun. Personally the few times i have been in a club, between the bright lights, noisy environment and drunk revellers, I mentally switch off and use my phone, as my energy feels depleted. 5. Not respecting the fact that mental illnesses are illnesses just like any other and telling people to " just pray over it" because its " evil spirits"_ You would not tell a diabetic or someone who has injuries from a car accident that they are sick because they " dont pray enough" or that they " need to get over it" why is it okay to tell someone who has a mental health issue to " just pray" ?. Religious folk are quite insensitive on the matter. Whether chronic, physical or mental, an illness is an illness. 6. Sleeping around without protection_ people will then ask, I cant remember the last time I had my period, could I be pregnant?. Or Im not sure whether the child is Derek, Michael"s, Peter, or the other guy who's name I cant remember. Or google the signs of a certain sti to see if it matches with the symptoms they have been experiencing. One is free to date as many people as they want, but with consequences like STI's and children, should it be with different people whose names you cant remember almost daily ?. You can have casual hookups if you wish, but protect yourself, STI's and pregnancy is real. You dont want to scratch your head because you cant remember who gave you syphillis or who the father of your baby is. 7. Judging women for how they become mothers_ whether its caeserian section, vaginal birth, adoption, IVF, surrogacy,e.t.c, it doesnt matter. What matters is that the mother gets a healthy child and the child is loved and cared for. Statements like the child isnt yours because you adopted or CS mums are less mums than vaginal birth ones are pointless. What matters is that you finally have the child you wanted. No path is more superior. You dont know why someone had to choose the method they chose. Maybe they adopted after 6 miscarriages and they cant afford IVF or surrogacy ? Be kind.

Murugi's outfit is really giving 💜

I have stopped normalizing to be a silent follower😂😂 Great episode 😊❤

After thirty years of come-we-stay and two adult children - my aunt had to still sign an affidavit that the father of her children was her husband. After THIRTY years! They also had to finally go to the registrar to officially get married. This was necessary so that she could include her now very ill husband in her company’s insurance medical cover and when he died, the marriage certificate was needed to get his terminal work benefits, get access to his bank accounts, to transfer ownership of his property to herself etc

It’s about time we stopped normalizing linking our attitude, behavior and lifestyle in general to zodiac signs 😂

I think it’s so cute and so respectful how Murugi tries to understand some of Lydia’s points

Lydia....I have been telling people for the longest time,you don't always need alcohol to have fun. I am not religious or anything but I have not drunk alcohol for about eight years now.

Everyone is mature until it’s time to have difficult conversations and communicate 💀

Looove the podcast.Let’s normalize not generalizing that all men cheat. No boo,it’s just your man,speak for him,there are loyal ones out here😀

I love how you both do not have to agree on a point and still understand each other. I claim that energy!!

Let's stop normalizing and romanticizing the position of a side chic. No woman dreams of being one and no, it doesn't matter if you have financial success. Work on your trauma and attract someone who truly values you.

My ex drinks , I don't. He constantly jeered me over how i don't know how to have fun, am boring. It affected me a bit 😂😂😂 but i started seeing who he really is. Everytime he was high , he was irritable 😂 , struggled sleeping, bad sex we had, constantly roasting my reserved personality..No thank you. i left😂😂 Please don't normalise alcohol.

I agree with the parental abuse thing. My dad instilled a lot of fear in us by misusing his power and making us believe we can never live without him/ his help (we were living with him and a step-mother). It was until one day we were arguing on an issue, apparently I had done something wrong, and he threw actual insults at me. I reached the breaking point since I had seen how my older sister was suffering from the same abuse. I was in 2nd year campo self sponsored (so he was paying a lot of money). The verbal insults pained me a lot that I even left home and went to live with my aunt without telling my dad. After one day, he called me to ask where and why I had left. I told him its because of his verbal insults. I explained to him that he could have just told me what I had done wrong and warn me not to repeat the mistake again. He didn't see anything wrong with his words. In fact, he threatened not to pay my school fees going forward. I was bold enough to tell him that I can't continue suffering for the sake of university education. I was ready to go out there and start hustling like others who did not have the privilege to go through higher learning. He expected me to beg him to pay for my education. I stayed at my aunt's for like 1.5 months without ever calling him. That's when he started texting me and begging me to go back home. He admitted that he wronged me but never said sorry (again African parents never say sorry). I knew he had really thought of his actions. I went back home and from that day, we have mutual respect for each other; not father-daughter r/ship. He paid the school fees and has never insulted me again.

As a teetotaller, I totally agree that we need to stop normalizing the toxic alcohol culture where we are made to feel so uncomfortable about our choice not to drink. Like.. go ahead and enjoy your drink and leave me to enjoy whatever else I choose to drink ..I am not judging you..pray tell, why are YOU judging ME??!!

Someone I know is in a come with stay with 1 child, she keeps telling the boyfriend to at least go home to meet her parents but the guy doesn't see need...my advice is...if you believe in marriage then make all necessary steps before moving in

TRUE ! Murugi Munyi said it, most say that as a consolation but from their hearts of hearts they wish they had a formal marriage , just that sometimes they come to terms with reality and the relationship serves them so they don't need a formal marriage.

For the cohabitation thing, what we need to understand is that in the Kenyan (&African) context, women are not protected by law unless there's a certificate to show for it. In Europe- eg the Netherlands, your spouse can have your retirement benefits, transfer property, etc- without a marriage cert , i.e. your relationship is acknowledged... However in Kenya, a woman is not protected, regardless of how many children you bear for that man

Ringing the Liberty Bell for this episode...Ding-Dong! Preach! Preach! & let the Xch say AmenTttt! Lydia: *Detachment Syndrome, yes!that callousness needs to stop. *Toxic Positivity...I didn't know that disease had a name,yes please stop the madness. Murugi(looking regal in that purple hue):*Normalizing teenager pregnancies; OMGoodness!this needs to end!end! as not all cases have happy endings coz teen pregnancies are xxxtra traumatic with far reaching effects. For the below 18 kids who find themselves in this dilemma & the parents who force them to have & keep these babies under the guise of,"I know what's best for u,"...no! please stop. Young gals 18+ who watch Kylie Kardashian having her babies young & think ya baby will be ya mini doll to play with, u're in for a rude awakening,find something else to play with. Thank u ladies!

People should stop normalizing thinking like: tomorrow when i wake up i will ....... Because its not everyday that you will wake up tomorrow🙁🙁- lets not take our life days for granted😐

Stop normalizing " That's just how I am/he is/ she is" to give excuses for your/their bad behavior.

Lydia really trying to justify that come we stay bare minimum. Murugi you are right. It always shortchanges the woman.

And as I leave, stop normalising “ I’m happy for my friends” stop lying!! You know you’re lying Jane!! You know you’re lying Jennifer!! Stop lying maina Kageni!! This is because, you can only imagine your friend driving, changing houses , travelling and you’re struggling!! I know there rhyming words but let me tell you Omanga, it’s different… it doesn’t mean that you envy them, but you just wish you can be doing better also… as much as you try to be happy for them, you keep going back to your empty house!! Stop It world!!

Absolutely! Let's stop normalizing: 1. Overworking and burnout, thinking it's something to be proud of. 2. Being constantly glued to our smartphones and social media. 3. Promoting unrealistic beauty standards. 4. Gender stereotypes and expectations, especially within marriages. 5. Unhealthy eating habits and the fast-food culture.

Most of the people in come we stay partnerships would actually want to do weddings (esp the women). From experience, its just that life happens and priorities shift once you start living together. A lack of a marriage cert doesnt necessarily mean you guys are unhappy though. But its always good to do things officially at the end of the day!

That purple is purpling 💜💜💜💜💜 Amazing conversation sissy’s 🙌🏼

When Lydia said she felt everything... I understood that. I feel things so intensely; the good and the bad

Mine is the part of as a parent , wanting to stop the child from feeling their emotion. To piggy bank on Lydia’s point, allowing the child to sit through their emotion and ride it all without cutting it short by trying to solve their issue helps them to learn to regulate I am speaking from experience, my parents mostly wanted to make it all fine and I was grateful for it served me then but now I know better , I try to let the kids ride their emotions though my default is to want to help them since that’s what I saw All this is in context of the safety of the environment and the issue is not a matter of life or death.

We need to stop normalizing toxic work spaces. Work doesn't have to be a little corner of hell just because we need a livelihood. If only we knew how many people have died(directly and indirectly) as a result of exposure to work toxicity related illnesses, we'd demand for better.

It’s TMI WEDNESDAY 🥳🥳🥳I agree with Murugi on the living together thing. I generally feel like moving in together is such a huge commitment why not just get married.

Lydia's point on detachment had me on the floor😅. Lydia, "I don't need anyone, I realized that friends are the worst, your family will turn their back on you, you only have you " It's funny coz it's so true😂

I always think to myself “Why do we normalize making fun of short people esp men ? 🤔 We wouldn’t otherwise make fun of any other physical attribute like skin color, weight, etc “. I’m sorry, I know that one is abit triggering (saying with lots of love 💙💜) but just give it a thought 🤔

Purple looks gorgeous on you Murugi❤love you both!

Heavy on the "let's stop normalizing black tax" unless it's a matter of life and death such as a medical emergency.

Lydia saying " It showwwwssss"😂

Thanks once again my ladies. Black tax is a pandemic, and is the number cause of mental health issues among Africans in the diaspora. We had a summit on African Mental Health here about 2 weeks ago and I shared this. I walked into a store the other day and an African woman(a total stranger) started venting and wailing about how much her family back home is financially and mentally draining her, that she felt like nothing but an ATM! My heart broke for her. We really need to interrogate the damaging aspects of our culture!

lets stop normalising bad food period... life too short....

Stop normalizing to be so perfect around your crush😢😂😂😂I was once there na kikiniramba

In this episode, one thing that came out clearly is the different life phase... each is at life.. Murugi &Lydia. Brings the diverse point of view...will we see more of this with time...I felt that I related more with Murugi. Thank you ladies.

I personally feel that the certificate is mostly important when there are benefits to be enjoyed like medical insurance, claiming benefits incase of the partners demise etc. On the other hand there is freedom that comes with come we stay, the fact that you are together by choice and not because you are tied to the marriage by the legality of it. I also agree the most ideal would be a situation where people are married but unfortunately the world is diverse and we are all different and I accept this other side too.

Loved this episode so much!!! It was eye-opening And another thing I would say is people should stop normalizing being unkind...

Black tax Kwanza hiyo, we millennials should put a stop to it. Your kids are not responsible for your retirement preventing them from progressing

The drinking bit Lyd, oh the number of times you are viewed as uncool. Apparently one cannot have fun without it.Yet you can, infact alcohol brings you pain more than happiness but people just want to keep on pushing and pushing.... Arrrgh😒

I'm on Murugi with the come we stay....if it's not intentionally done with very mature conversations with two people who genuinely don't want marriage...which is not the reality for most Kenyan women.... don't do it.

I just love Murugi and her random Swahili words….. gurrrrllll u kill me. Love ur work ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I feel like this is just one of those topics that needs a part 2

We should stop normalizing embarrassing someone and acting like its a joke

To us who will miss the tmi experience because we are far,,kujeni tulilie hapa😢,,anyway much love ladies

First time here and I love the conversation.......Murugi's point on teenage pregnancy really hit especially girls in the last year in campus, it has really been normalized which should stop.

On that 'come we stay' conversation Lyd and Murugi still have different views on it especially from Lyd's tone of voice and her laugh. However, for me I support both of you. I support Murugi on the fact that come we stay can end up compromising a relationship that was meant to be, apart from that, even having a baby while in a relationship can end up doing the same coz the circumstances surrounding those two situations draw you two apart at a time that you maybe too young or immature or inexperienced to handle yourselves while going through those life changes. But Lyd is also right because of the exposure she has from London. I know up there guys can even stay in a come we stay for a loooooong time and still one day wake up and go to the AG's office and have a wedding and still continue with their life as though nothing happened coz for them the certificate mean nothing. But huku Kenya or Africa in general, our orientation, makes the certificate, the weddings etc a big deal and this affects the mentality of men especially while they are in a come we stay with a lady. When things get tough, they just wake up and marry another lady and leave you there as a single mother. Like i remember Frankie just gym it in an interview with lynn Ngugi saying, ''ati Maureen was just a girl friend'. I was like what the f**& dude!!!!after staying with someone for that long you just walk away and claim, we shouldn't say shit, coz she was just a girlfriend?!waaauuw, anyway so that's why, come we stay is still not a very good idea in Africa especially if you both aren't as exposed as Lyd is.

I am 25 turning 26 and my mum resorts to physical beating, cursing, and chasing us out of home every time after an argument. My last beating was last month and I genuinely don't feel like talking to her again. Luckily I don't live in her house and unfortunately, I had come to Kenya for a 2-week holiday. I ended up staying everywhere and hanging with friends instead of her.

Now to the real comment 😅I absolutely enjoyed, laughed and learned so much ❤thank you guys for the consistency we are a proud gang

Customer service on Instagram pages is very horrible in Kenya, most of those sellers will read your DM and ignore until the next day, or post edited photos and when you complain, you are immediately blocked.

As a person who highly detaches from people. I am learning a lot😊😊😊

Getting the big sister advice feeling ..............😊this is the best episode honestly 🎉🎉🎉🎉 talk about RAW conversations

This was such a great episode and an eye opener too. We should stop normalizing toxic behaviors and saying "this is how I am". You can change if you put your mind to it.

Every one is mature till t's the time to have the conversations❤ #hard #different #convos

LOOOOOOVE the intro and outro. I really loved today's episode. On the issue of alcohol, I don't like being around people who drink coz they look down on those who don't drink.

I'm here for the new intro, I love it 😍 Also when Murugi said we should stop normalizing COME WE STAY, (too loud) I took a deep breath immediately after she said that. 😅😅

I made a decision this year to stop normalizing "bare minimum"... Meeen it has cost me alot...still healing and so far so good 😊

People endure alot of unacceptable stuff from parents In the name of fear of a "parents curse".. And many suffer from the Stockholm syndrome!.. Repeating the same trauma on other people around them

Us who grew up with Military parents have a story and we need hugs😂🤨Even at adulthood i still freak out around my Dad

I love listening to you guys...I feel the big sis vibes💯means alot❤.

The love i have for yu ladies❤ plus the content is unmatched

My guy told me he would take me to Nairobi street kitchen because I always watch you every time 😢

Amazing episode! My request could be that every point made could be posted as a reel on Instagram. We gotta send them to the involved parties, respectfully.😂😍

THIS WAS BY FAR THE BESSSSSST TMI EPISODE!IT WAS RAW!!

This is one of my favourite episodes you should talk more about this ❤

So educative!Love you guys😍

This episode is epic and eye opening.

You gals are glowing.....which equates to whatttt..?...Happiness🤩......Well done beautiful ladies, well done....i looove your contents🤗

When you said "you were vomiting calling derrick" I felt that cause my name is Derek 😂😂😂

I love this like I learn so much from you guys especially now tht am trying to recollect myself ❤️❤️❤️

Loving the new intro ladies👌🏾

I waited with anticipation, hapo "its definitely TMI" Standing ovay for being in tune 😊 Wueeh ! I am breathing through the triggers 😂 kindness and grace is always extended on my end. Love is a choice not a feeling. After the 100th time, trust me I will be distant and I will pray for your peace.

Murugi ! , your outfit is absolutely gorgeous ! The color , hair and makeup😍 you are absolutely stunning 🤩 🤎 love you ladies ‼️

I agree! Beating children is a big NO

Why am I always away during the live shows😢😢seriously manifesting an abroad trip for you guys! ❤

So educative love it❤❤

Wow.... Very good content. I just bumped into your channel and I will definitely be here..... I love love love

I discovered this podcast yesterday and I'm so happy 😊 zile vitu ziko hapa ni real life. kudos ladies 🚺👏 🙌 👌 ❤️ 👍

Bad customer service is like a pandemic in this our country 😭😭😭

About managing feeling,i have taught myndaughter that its ok tom feel whatever and also how to deal with the emotions later on in life.

Loved this episode……very controversial but very much needed. Keep it up ladies ❤❤

Keni snapping out of the sad moment…Lyd well said👌

I think the managing emotions part vs. parenting “when Murungi shared the story of what mukeni is asked to say “joy” I think it is okay for parents to assist at the earliest stages of our children- the stages are teaching, training and coaching which usually (the coaching stage is where most of us inbetweeners are). Kids like her deserves to be taught and not let them “apply what lyd is saying”👌

Punctuality is key ❤❤❤❤, TMI to the world.

We should stop normalizing being a socialite as a career. Lets use our God given talents and education to establish professional careers

Enjoyed this episode and i've grasped alot

Hahaha yeah some people be like oooh really you don’t drink 🍸 so what do you do for fun with that sacarstic facial expression 😂

Murugi: Are you silent or are you silenced…..woooo…that hits 😂😂😂😂

Just discovered you ladies.....and i tell you am loving everything going to my ears...........now henceforth i will stop normalizing being a silent follower😍

Lyd is right am 24 yrs old and I depend on my mom emotionally,from breakups to my career life. I wish I was taught how to deal with my emotions and dissapointments

Falls make me laugh too🤣🤣🤣Lydia shuwallllyyy😂😂then we tell them sorry later😆😆

Another very good video. Normalising child abuse is a pandemic. People say that children nowadays are weak and the justification goes like "during our time we were done this and that." Bro, you were abused. About people falling videos, I also love them 😂. There's an account on Tiktok call dumb ways to die, and the majority are people falling, and it's hilarious. Accidental falls, not pranks.

My favorite channel.. today I'm on youtube. The rest of the days I'm always spotify due to work

Fantastic video!....As an Inbetweener,your videos has been an eye opener for me as a young adult

Every time I watch TMI I feel like am getting out with a piece of knowledge that I never gave much thought to. It's amazing and am grateful for TMI

I understand Lydia's point about the importance of letting children process their emotions independently, however this doesn't solely guarantee they'll grow up able to manage their feelings effectively. It makes sense in theory but its not always realistic. Eg. in stressful situations, I think that a mother’s immediate response to comfort and manage the situation is very ok, especially it its for a child's immediate emotional needs - I'd assume they're just in a fight or flight mode of 'what can I control now to help make my child feel better'. I also think if they just let you 'process your emotions' eg cry, be upset etc, won't that now become a thing of them feeling neglected as a child later on. So just my thoughts, while what you're saying is valuable, the parental instinct to provide comfort is equally important and beneficial, depending on the context

When Murugi said the only place you've been is Eldoret😅,,I felt that😢

Lydia, your hair looks amazing 👌