It's called reactive abuse and they do it on purpose to make you look unstable. I have worked with people who will RELENTLESSLY say passive-aggressive crap, highlight your mistakes (while hiding their own), and play the victim when you try to bridge the gap and talk it out with them. Best thing you can do is keep your proficiency high and jump ship if your leadership is too stupid to see them as a problem. Funny thing is that you eventually learn that this means they are threatened by you.
Thank you for this. I felt like one of my coworkers was lowkey taking jabs at me because I was from the same background as his ex. My theory was that she broke it off badly and I resembled her enough for this coworker to be harder than me compared to how he treated everyone else.
8:02 I once witnessed a teammate of color respond with exactly this question "What do you mean?" to a truly terrible racist joke the team leader made about banana's, casually referring to the teammate of color. The teammate who made the joke started tripping over words and stuff trying to get away from having to explain the joke -- it was so awkward and it was such a perfect response to the racist joke, I'll never forget it
Wanting to "save face" is NOT the reason I want to react. It's bc I want to show them they don't intimidate me. So I disagree that they always want you to react. They like to think they have intimidated you into silence. They think you are too embarrassed to speak up. They themselves should be ashamed by showing such a lack of social skill and social grace. So once again, in my humble opinion, staying silent and letting them think they are intimidating you is NOT ALWAYS the best way to handle it. Not saying you are completely wrong as it varies case to case. But this is MY opinion in my own personal bully experiences.
but she is not saying to stay silent, just few seconds to let your amygdala calm down, which is really great advice. then respond (do not react!). response is a different thing to reaction, reaction is emotional, coming from place of arousal and primitive reptilian brain - like she says fight-flight. this is never good, period. these are functions of the brain from prehistoric times, when if you were attacked by a tiger, you had to react to survive. they are triggered because in a sense you were attacked. and in prehistoric times you would probably killed that animal/person or seriously hurt them. but of course this is not possible nowadays. you "kill" them by not reacting. they feed on your reactions. response would be something like (with a genuine smile) "ha, that's silly to say that, that's a lie" and leave it at that. don't let them change your emotional state. believe me they feel it when you do. they read people very well.
If someone is bullying you repetitively, highlighting your mistakes and undermining your work in front of everyone. Passive behavior is consider harassment and should not be tolerated.
@@fatimahh.923 you should not let anyone to harrass you. In the workplace, you can sue the company for harrasment, plus they can not retaliate against you. Thats the one thing they dont want. They rather get rid of that person than go for a headache...
i deal with this daily, got used to it, even doe i do nothing wrong by just showing up at my job and start working, they have to blame someone instantly. Inspector came and superior boss, and my boss said i'm lying so they believe the lie she lied, nothing can be done. otherwise i'm open to ideas.
One coworker threatened me yesterday saying something like “talk sh!t behind my back again and it’ll come back to bite you” and I didn’t say anything bad, yet they cannot act maturely. This has of course driven me to resign as HR likes this person too much and won’t do anything. My manager dismissed it as a joke too, which speaks volumes
Sometimes these people have the wrong idea what "talking shit behind someone's back" means. It's a malicious way of framing it to get you scared of asking for advice or speaking up.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
Silence sometimes is the key guys....do not waste your time with unnecessary co-workers. some co-workers ruin peoples day in order to feel better about themselves.... however I feel if it gets unprofessional I believe setting up a meeting and confronting them individually that will do... I have experienced bullying as well but having your mind set on the goal they all disappear when you don’t react to their actions....,and while you do that,keep applying for a new position..... you will get a company where it will feel better going to work every morning.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
Yes. I do enjoy your videos. My favorite was the great resignation. I just feel like there is atleast 1 toxic, co worker at work or maybe a few who kind of spoiled the rest of the bunch. It’s so damaging but makes me more upset is upper management dismissing this type of rude and passive behavior. Unacceptable in my opinion.
Toxic work environments are so often created by enablement due to non-action by leadership. I think they don't understand the cost to employee morale - and the company. Toxic coworkers are costly for so many reasons.
I've learned the hard way by reacting. I work with 3 demonstrative individuals who push my buttons. When I react it only makes me look unstable and difficult. This is good advice.
Yes best to keep quiet and play a game called how many things I have to do before I can leave this happy place.. on your mark get set go and don't look back to see what the happy and nice co workers are doing because it's going to ruin your game and turn your smile upside down.
I started bedside nursing over a year and a half ago, and some people still hold me to all the things I didn't know & how I worked the first couple months on the job as a new grad. You worded everything sooo perfectly. How dare they be so merciless when I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and equal respect? I reacted a few times, but have stopped, because it's true they will also hold your reactions against you. The worst part is when they treat some people great but others poorly so not everyone sees how they are deep down. Self worth can be really hard to keep especially on the hard days. Although I wish they would get fired or quit sometimes, I know that all I can control is myself and how I react. Sooo hard but I am taking it as a life lesson to practice to find my peace in the face of anger. I pray for everyone out there who is getting treated as inferior.
Hi Jennifer, I am in a toxic workplace ; I took the job because I wanted my own money and needed to get out of the house. The person who referred me is the person who is toxic and throws me under the bus every chance she gets.The manager believes her because she has been working there for 2 years + and very good friends. It is hard to avoid her because we are always scheduled together (senior group home). It is long story, and there are many facets to it. I am looking for another job, in my profession. I have been watching you on YT for 4 months... THANK YOU
@@xhottestpink karma will catch up I've been working at a place for 4 years now an the person bothering me is just a year but the manager believes them
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.....
You read my mind about my current Patty. Spot. Pause, breath, and let them show their true nature. Patty's behavior patterns become apparent each day. Smile at you then run to the boss. Keep up the good work.
Hear hear. I did cop to it for years on end, and it "worked" to the extent that they never found anything wrong with my work, or i never responded.... but i have serious health issues now as a result. It just isnt worth it. You can use these techniques to bridge a difficult gap... but if it is more like a neverending strech.... take a break. Preferably in time to save your health.
4... I have setup someone that constantly takes my ideas, with really shitty ideas. Once they get called out by the boss, on how unworkable that is, they will stop stealing your ideas fast.
😁 i love that approach. you just cut the supply right from under them (while dishing out a neat little punishment, that they actually called out over their own heads by stealing your ideas in the first place). love this !
Thank you Jennifer, it's very hard sometimes being the only black woman on my team who doesn't mind speaking up. Some stereotypes might not be in my favor, although I am essentially being provoked.....
I've learnt my lesson and I reacted to a horrible collegue last year (I never loose my temper btw) and it was the first time in 8 years but the person was just a horrible and mean spirited and would gladly throw her collegues under the bus 🙄. Unfortunately one day she pushed me way too far and i reacted and yeah she went running to management and got me in trouble which made me even angrier 😅. Basically I've learnt to walk away from situations as it's not worth it. I now keep a stress ball in my pocket for these situations lol.
My toxic boss & his toxic co-worker / friend thought they'd treat me like trash. So I took the trash out. I resigned. There are better work conditions out there. I'm going to see if I can find one. Because here's what you're not saying: STRESS KILLS. Only you can decided what is acceptable to have in your life.
OMG I once had a very difficult co-worker named Patty! She even straight up called me a bitch one time, when no one else was around so there were no witnesses. Good ol Patty! I needed the advice of this video, THANK YOU
Can you please do a video on how to prevent other coworkers from getting you to do their work? This is an issue I’m having. Trying to find a professional way to say do your own work
My supervisor is a black, she is the most discriminatory person, she flipped me off multiple occasions, my instincts told me DO NOT REACT HER THE SAME WAY AS SHE DID! That actually drove her crazy because all she wanted was to see my anger so that she could fire me. But, she's wrong. I didn't respond as she was expecting to. Her behavior went empty. That made her extremely angry and crazy!
I've been working at a job for about 3 months and unfortunately after starting I very quickly figured out that I'm working for a completely psychopathic tyrant 😢 the turnover (doctors office) is extrmely high (employee that's been there the longest in only from Decemeber 2023 but the business has been open since 1998...) and the owner (boss) is absolutely cruel. I've never met such a bully in my life. She yells, bullies, talks to you like youre an idiot, gets mad very easily and ONLY criticism for staff etc. So much so that being around her makes me feel physically sick. Im wondering what the video would be if it were about a boss rather than just a coworker?😢 (she pays really well so im stuck between just sucking it up and dealing with it or leaving)...
The grown men and women at my job have formed a posse around childhood trauma and MiLiTaRy stories - a group of stray dogs who found a shelter deep in each others asses. And heaven freaking forbid you don't enjoy listening to trauma dumping- Im so evil for going to work for money and not a damn thing else.
Toxic coworker who is a recent hire. Gossiping,sabatoging work. She follows me around, recently tries. To do my job though not trained. She is not only toxic personalty but straight up psycho. Keyed my car and followed me home one day. Management said I was the bully. Sometimes it is better to look elsewhere
Networking and marketing for me is my weakest point.. I always feel outsmarted by someone who's more outgoing personality and I'm the one who always believe the work should speak for itself but unfortunately that's not the case specially in a country like India where women are not valued as an employee
Women aren't valued here either. We still make significantly less than men that are doing the same job. Women are expected to be able to "do it all"... work, cook, clean, take care of the kids, initiate sex, while men do nothing but lay there and take! Or sit there playing video games. It's a messed up world we live in these days.
Because either they don't know how to deal with it, they've tried to deal with it and that didn't work, or it's a feature not a bug of the company culture.
Naw, it's called 'Narcissistic Baiting'. Even when a manager does this, do not REACT! Complain to HR after you have respectfully complain to them first. Then if this shenanigan continues... Sue.
I go to work for the paycheck only. I don’t want work friends I don’t want social gatherings outside work. I don’t bother chatting over coffee. I just want home to my family. Anybody that thinks they are going to keep their work friends when you move on is fooling yourself. Conflict just laugh at them to their face. Very slow response to their requests.
I just go straight to management. File EEO complaint, they always back off. I right down days, time names of any type of harassment. Self control, it’s nothing new. People are people, I don’t expect anymore or less from people.
As someone who lived with a manipulator for many years and recovering for the last 3 years, this is the only thing that works. It's not allowing someone to push your boundaries, it's about quietly and calmly enforcing those boundaries.
Every job ive had people undermining and stabbing me in the back. Current job is no different. These ghouls are just pathetic, always remember to tell yourself "I'm so glad I'm not this pathetic of a person".
If you think your days are numbered leave before you get fired, I am sorry but that's the way it is. I speak from experience. Take it from someone who was in retail for 20 years or more.
These are good tips. Sometimes the office gossip is the boss, in some cultures (mine) gossiping is seen as being skilled at interpersonal interactions. And about building and maintaning one's personal brand - I truly envy people who can do this, its real work apart from the office work. I have no skills to do this. I can only function by being my (stupid) self. It has ti do with mild autism and the way we were brought up. i truly envy people who can do these two jobs at the same time - perfom their official duties and watch their back/maintain their brand.
Women would have never become more enpowered in the labour market if they had kept silent about the mistreatment. So, as I see it, it is more about choosing your battles wisely. Do not get into petty conflicts and avoid reacting to random slightly inappropriate comments, but DO stand up for yourself professionally, if someone else continuously takes credibility for your work in front of the boss etc.
What if the difficult coworker, who has little to know authority, tells you, "You need to stop talking!" after you recommend an idea to the group, and then she just takes charge of the situation is if she knows better than everybody else in the group? My coworkers just kind of let her do what she wants because she's so loud and obnoxious that they don't want to deal with her negative attitude. In this situation, would continuing to talk be good or bad? Not talking made me feel like a doormat.
First findout who is difficult coworker vs Smiles at your face (but back talks badmouthing about you) both are difficult coworker.Solution is keep calm, listen, act like they are correct if they say 1+1=5 then say Yes. Donot argue ..........if Manager is observing and silent means it might be case manager's plan via coworkers who needs your reaction so they can take action ....kind of intentional planned act .............................
I agree totally. This is callex workplace billying and Im not tolerating tha either. There are laws against the toxic coworker, a conversation with the ombudsman and HR w/ threats of a lawsuit works.
Spray a liquid ass spray in your work place where you coworkers are and laugh at them! Act dum and that's the best revenge, let them enjoy the smell😂continue laughing... you got them!
❤❤ thanks for your videos my sister in christ thanks so much I am having this go in o walked aways from a toxic worker that wanted me fight them after work I said no I left 😊 I need your help
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty-never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense." by Sir Winston Churchill.
I’ve noticed that ,only the lazy people gets away with everything . Everyone’s knows how’s lazy their but don’t do anything about once you say something to them or called them all hell breaks than you become their new target. Somehows .., you are the problem.
What happens if you don’t react and they lie about you and saying you are and doing terrible things to them when you aren’t since there is a clique of 3 against me they believe the 3 over me
That's My Problem At Work, People Don't Stop Doing Me Wrong So I Never Said Anything Until Today.. But, Now I Don't Let That Go To Waste No More! Life's Too Short, So Now I Really Should Say Something Nice Back ... Lol But, Sometimes If I Ignore, The Better ... Being Classy Is Ignoring But It's Very Hard!! It's So Hard To Not Say Anything Unless You Will Become A RU-vidr & Then Tell Them To Go To GOD!! When Someone Throws Me The Keys For The Fitting Room At Walmart, I Didn't Say Anything & Was Furious & Ignore It ... I Pray For Something Bad To Happen So They Can Lose Their Job ... BOY, Did GOD Listen & Bought COVID & After I Went Back To Shop Nowadays, They Are Out Of Work ... LOL; Sorry NOT Sorry!! What Should You Do If It Was You .... When Your In A Different Department & They Had The Guts To Come To Your Dept and Give You The Keys & That's Not Your Job If You Are In A Different Dept. The Rule Is No One Should Give The Fitting Room Keys To Housewares Dept; Anyone Work At Walmart Who is A Boss; NEED INFO?! ... &/or Throw You The Fitting Room Keys Like They The BOSS Is Super Wrong!!! Very Annoying & I Hate Retail, No One Knows What To Do & NO One Isn't Trained At Walmart ... Very Sad! People's Who Work There For 20 Yrs Disappear!! They Also Never Tell Me What To Do Until They Wanted Me Out, Like Wtf; Just Cuz You Want Someone Doesn't Mean You Should Be Bitter; Dude!! Every Walmart Associate All Team Up On One Person ... I Found Out The Hard Way!! I Heard Of A Story In WI, He Was Asian & Was Bully So Much & I Bet That Town Didn't Have That Many Jobs or Company & Everyone Who Was In That Small Business Was All Related ... So He Didn't Know What To Do & I Guess Was Stress & Depressed After All The Bullyness & Then Came To Work One Day Shot Almost All Of The Co Workers; All Died & One or Two Was In Critical Condition!!! People, Save Your Lives ... Some People Are Crazy But Others Just Don't Know When To Quit Yapping Their Mouths That God Gave You For Goodness But Wat People Do, Don't Care... Sometimes, If It's The Wrong Person You'll Never See Earth Again, I'd Be Scared!!!
I had a woman co worker who was extremely chatty and would work passive aggressive insults into almost everything she would say. One time she made a comment about my weight in front of a large group of coworkers. I wanted to grab her head and smash it against the wall, but I just said nothing. Fast forward a few years i got into a field where I can work from home. People just suck ass and I would rather not deal with anyone outside of basic interactions.
I agree with your comments. I'm grateful that we work from home and very rarely need to go into the office. Maybe once every couple of months. I prefer my own company, being around family or my two cats. Can't be bothered with people outside of that they just have their own hidden agenda's!
What if it happens when your team is trying to demote you and back check your work even though you come with experience after you started your new job and are unwilling to let you lead ?
Great video Jen👏🏽Do you have a video on “How to work for a jealous boss”? There are so many people in leadership positions that are NOT leaders and are insanely jealous of their subordinates for various reasons (intellect, charisma, personal appearance, etc) and they (the boss) are sabotaging and undermining you. Do you report them to their boss or do you just focus on improving yourself because they are in a Higher position and you will probably be vilified as the problem and ostracized?
I get frustrated and/or impatient waiting for you to get to the points I feel need to be gotten to. For example, I prefer that you refrain from just saying for a long time to not react because that is what trouble makers want in that reacting empowers them and get to specific examples of what needs to be done instead. This may bring you more viewers hitting the "like button" sooner and then you can monetize your videos sooner. So I hope. You also stated that we are tempted to react versus just take abuse from these instigators. So for a few minutes I thought you were suggesting that we just ignore instigators. Then you used the word, "respond" versus "just do nothing." To me, "react" and "respond" are synonymous. Appears to me that you view "react" and responding in a counter productive manner and "respond" as reacting in a product manner that would make you look good and the instigator look bad. Then you said to watch the other videos to learn how to respond or react in a more productive manner. I will click on those. I am impressed that you seem to have much wisdom for one young enough to be my grand daughter. Getting late for me this time of night. Will look at more of your videos later. Suspect we can help each other much. Helping you by getting to the more desirable points sooner. Helping me by helping learn to respond to instigators in more productive manners that make me look good and the instigators look bad. Yes, for my age, I do feel dumb in some ways in that others seem to have some skills at much younger ages that I lack. But, I will keep trying to obtain them anyway. Hope to learn much from you.
Responding vs reacting are very different. Responding is well thought out, calculated. It's logical. Reacting is purely emotionally driven. It's usually counter productive. It's seen as unprofessional in the work place and can get you fired.
How about a person you need information from to get your job done on time doesn't return an email. Followed up 4 times. Been 2 months will not reply. No support from my boss. I told my customer that his deliverables might not be done on time because his people are not communicating. my boss actually told me not to react to the rudeness of others that's affecting my performance.
I have one who will in extremely subtle way blame others if she needs to to save her face. For instance, if someone asks her to do yxz she will say: yes, now that so and so completed abc I can proceed to complete my part BUT that was a LIE because abc was already completed a week ago. So, she forces me to talk and say abc was already completed last week, you see these type of people have no shame and lie to your face. So, what is the correct approach in this case? All communication is done via email.
Ha a coworker today decided not to share a larger tip even though I was the only one who waited on the customer because he usually deals with her and I fought with myself the whole Day on what to say or if I should say anything ended up not saying anything with the knowing she did it an acted like nothing happened that's ok I remembered something I said to someone along time ago which was fuk it dont do anything and sit back and wait because they will show there true colors soon and every one will see it and you would have not had to do anything for something to come back around to her so I'm sure she will mess up again soon and everyone will see who she really is
I wasnt hired to deal with constant conflicte by conflict i mean puposefully targeted discorse aim ant contantly aggrevayong me and seeing me misreable. From racial overtones to cultural ones , or that im every ones favorite whichbim not lol. To her calling out sick when she doesnt have her way. Im sorry i wasnt hired to run a psychward. Let al9ne manage a patient off their meds.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with defending yourself. I don’t agree that these things stop you from getting promoted, that’s essentially why companies have HR department a for this specific reason. Protect your character and tell your boss. They will respect you at the end of the day. I’m sorry I simply don’t agree with you. Career advancement has more to do with education, experience and negotiating. If you have these things, advancing because you are DEFENDING yourself is not going to be a big factor in moving up.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.//
This is a great video but unfortunately it’s adolescent thinking that people will come out in droves to defend. People eat up workplace gossip, even if they know the person who is spreading it is a snake.
Just be a stone. A cold stone. Don't talk unless absolutely necessary. Just be a stone. A boring, unexciting, stone. Nothing interesting about you. Just a regular stone.
