7-2-08
If I were to call to you
Would you turn around
Or just ignore the sound
If I were to kiss you
Would you smile
Or cringe all the while
If I were to need you
Would you understand
Or simply pull back your hand
If I were to love you
Would you feel the same
Or just walk away
I never dreamed I’d dream of you
I never knew I would come to know you
But here I stand
Reaching for your hand
And telling you I love you
And that, because of you,
I am suddenly whole-
As I bear my soul
My heart pounds in my chest
At this silent request
Of a mutual feeling-
My emotional healing-
That can either save me or break me,
Give to me or take from me.
And I wait for what seems like hours
Feeling the peak of the April showers
And tasting the sadness of the skies
For my thousand unending cries
As Mother Nature knows me all too well
For in my misery my eyes swell
And finally release raindrops
From the bags of clouds under my eyes till the crying stops
And I try to move on with my life
Only to be pushed two steps back with no strife
For I know my purpose in this life is to lose
Everything I hold dear, and I am left to choose
Between two roads that look the same
And only have emptiness contained-
One holds joy soon spoiled with lies
And the other leads to a lifetime of sorrow behind my eyes.
What choices this life provides
When the chooser is only left with suicide.
At last, you look up, take your hand in mine,
With an admired grace and poise so refined,
And you gaze deeply into my eyes,
As our hearts both fight our inadequate disguise,
And you profess unexpectedly,
In a voice filled with melody,
“Thank you, Ellen, for finding me.
My anger before had been blinding me
To what I knew was the truth,
And that truth, my love, is you.”
And I died
A little inside
That cloudy day
In early May
Knowing that, without a doubt
My suicide twin
Had left my head
And I could move forward
With love lingering in my bed.
~ Ellen Marie Drummonds Curtis
10 сен 2024
