Being an introvert is just so frustrating because introversion is so poorly understood by the general public, and especially by people who aren't introverts. Just a little understanding would've made all the difference even just a few years ago.
Not for me, all the people that knows me knew for sure I was introvert and they respect me for who I am. And the new people that meet me sure knows I'm introvert and I live in one of those countries where being extrovert is cool and all.
I might be misunderstood but I’m not aware if it because I’d rather be out of any circle of people and therefore I don’t really care if they don’t know me. I usually find a good soul every now and then and I spend more time with that person, but sometimes I can go years and not hang around with anyone. The only person that I feel needs to know me is me, as long as I like me then that’s good enough. I’m very kind to those around me in my daily life so most people say hi or chat with me if they feel like it so it’s not like I’m living in a cave shunning people I just truly enjoy being alone as often during the day as possible.
I’ve never judged anyone for being an extrovert but I’ve met a metric tonne of extroverts who view introversion as a deficit or something to be pitied. Never mind corporate discrimination which actively penalises reserved people and rewards the loud pipes all while celebrating “workforce diversity”
Can you be a combination of them all? 😂 I’m heavily anxious, and comfortable with a few close friends, love listening/ learning but really avoidant. I’m very reserved, and frequently unemotional 🤦🏻♀️
Social introvert here, who thought all the time that I was an extrovert because people told me so, but I felt so burnt being in a big social setting. People think on me like a social butterfly. The fact that I'm an easy talker, I can do small talk and reach unknown people if needed or I can speak in public doesn't take away how draining it can be.
As a child I never got bored alone. I was constantly doing stuff by myself. I also had and still have a very good and dear friend, introvert like me. My grandmother used to force me go outside and play with the kids in the neighborhood because I would rather stay in my room and read. As a nurse I had to talk and communicate with patients, colleagues and different people all the time, so people who see me outside of work are extremely surprised to find out how "quiet" I am. Usually they ask "Is everything ok with you?" and I always answer: "Yes", which is true. The dialogues can be quite monosyllabic. So, they are not convinced that everything is ok and get very confused, I can see it on their faces :)
Great video, as always! I’m the restrained introvert. I pause before I answer - to the point where people will say “Hello?” Thinking the call has dropped. I understand the “unemotional” in crisis situations. I always take a beat before I answer or act. It’s become habitual. So when an emergency arises, some people might call it unemotional, but really it’s just me calming myself down so I can react competently. Panic causes mistakes. This trait has served me and others well over the years, particularly when the stakes are high. But on the daily, people don’t understand it. Sometimes they ask me a question, and when I pause, they get worried they are making me uncomfortable and will rescue me by answering for me. It isn’t necessary, but I have nice friends, so I always find this demonstration of concern touching.
Definitely an anxious introvert, but nobody never called me rude, but just silent, what hurts so much. I hate when people assume that they know you just for the first impressions. On another hand, my tolerance to rejection, being told "no" or getting a bad reply is very low in many cases that I avoid the situation at all cost. I struggle so much meeting new people and I actually shouldn't because I live laughing and being always possitive but when I meet somebody I change completely, I look like more serious and I feel like I loose my personality, I don't act natural and I feel like pushed to say something all the time to fill uncomfortable silence.
I am definitely an introvert, in that I need a lot of alone time to brainstorm, but I'm willing to turn on the "socialisation" function whenever necessary. 💞
I'm like that also. I prefer hearing my own thoughts. There is too much are srimulus bombarding us daily. Being alone is like a gift to recharge and just be. I also have a need to understand why people behave the way we do. I have slso been accused of being too curious, as if that was something bad, which I never felt it could be. I can enjoy social activities on occasions, but only if there is something that stimulates my mind.
I am an introvert & that's all the time I'm gonna waste on thinking about it. You are what you are, we're only here for a short time & spend too much of it trying to put labels on everything.
People used to tell my mom they thought I was rude all the time (she was our bus driver) and she was always telling me to stop reading and talk to them instead.
Yep even got picked on at school as a kid. I was "stuck up" "anti social" " rude a**hole" . My anxiety was just through the roof ya know. I usually hate social gatherings. But now if I find a person or t two I can talk with about a shared interest or hobby I'm fine. It just takes me a bit longer to open up to people.
I am 100% an introvert. But, when I find the right company, I enjoy socializing, it's just difficult to find people who share the same interests as me.
I'm 100% an introvert, not even remotely on the middle of the spectrum. From these types, I'm definitely a social introvert (with a few anxious traits depending on the situation). Even if I'm planning on meeting really close friends who I enjoy spending time with, it is draining and I have to mentally prepare for it.
I'm an introvert. Ive always known that. I definitely am the first one, a Social introvert. I just prefer to be alone most of the time. I have no social anxiety, I dont fit with the 3rd one. I could have a little of the second one but didn't know that is introversion. I love to think about things and learning and knowledge. Im a flight attendant and we often will have 3 hours in an airport between flights and sometimes the crews want to hang out with each other, go eat together, sit together. I hate it. I generally try to get away by myself to recharge my energy for the next flight. I need to be alone so I can think about what I want to eat, use a restroom in privacy, text or call a close friend or just be with my thoughts. Having to be "on" making small talk with the other flight attendants or listening to them jabber on about whatever, having to go eat at whatever the consensus is is all just draining and not at all entertaining in any way. I dont understand why people are like this and why they have to be together. Its like we have another 3 hour flight together in a little while. I'll get to listen to u jabber on then.
haha, I can totally relate! If I put myself in your shoes, I would feel exactly the same way! 3 hours to myself to recharge since there will be another flight coming on soon where I'd have to interact with all those people. Totally get it. :)
Hi Gazelle, I think that you honestly just describe the vast majority of Introverts in your post. I definitely fall between 1, 2 and 4. More on 1, for sure. But it depends on the situation, my mood at the time etc. I love walking and I'm in a few walking groups. I'm very fortunate enough to live in Shropshire UK, so there are no end of lovely places (in and around) Shropshire to go walking. I was on one yesterday with a group of around 34 people. I talked to just about all of them on the walk. I'm very good at talking to people and I'm a people-person. At one point, a bunch of us were sitting around talking and it turns out we were all bar one or two, introverts ourselves. We all immediately agreed with all the usual traits that we have and I said that some people 'mistake' me as possibly being quite extroverted when I'm really anything but. I said I can talk to you guys and everyone else out on a walk where we're in nature and I'm invigorated by my surroundings and usually by people. But put me with even a quarter of the group indoors around a table with stimuli, loud music or even if people are engaged in small talk and I am OUTTA THERE! I don't feel at all drained today, but when I went to a friend's birthday party recently and had to stay over? I was drained for 2 days straight.
I’m a total anxious introvert. Have you done a video on avoidant personality disorder before? I just recently discovered it and would love to know the difference between that and anxious introversion.
Also wanted to mention, as someone with AvPD, COVID has been especially problematic for me. It's been like giving a recovering drug abuser free reign and access to as much drugs as they want. And now I feel trapped in a highly avoidant state of mind that is increasingly difficult to break free from. I'm curious if others with AvPD have been struggling with this issue lately.
Awww thank you so much for highlighting my comment. I just want to mention how helpful you've been, over the years. Watching your videos have been comforting & educational. ♡ I find it important to mention. A huge thank you 🌻
Great and educational clip. I'm a thinking introvert. I often take interests outside of self, yet am in ponderment often about a lot of stuff ...trivial to seminal and profound via profundity of mind. Your clip is unabashed and unabated in transparency of a great clairity on a needed topic.
So I doubt people are either one type or another, but it's a spectrum sort of thing where you can have aspects of all four types to some degree because I identified with all four introversion types Kati described...ty for the vid too!
I thought I was a social introvert but the thinking introvert surprised me and resonated with me even more. I can be in a small gathering, somewhat enjoying the interaction, but mindscaping and thinking about the evening ahead, when they go away and I can be alone (with cats) in my room devouring content on psychology, philosophy, history and all the topics that interest me and that I don't get to discuss with anyone in real life.
I find being around people very stressful. After about an hour in peoples company, I start to get panic attacks and have to then hide behind my phone or book, which can make me seem rude or uncaring.
It definitely can be.. I find picking one close friend can be a bit easier. And focusing our energy on maintaining that one, instead of feeling like we need to see everyone and keep up with it all. xoxo
I relate to all of these. The anxious one the least, but am mainly an anxious introvert with those that make me feel less accepted/uncomfortable, or that I have had bad experiences with.
They're all me to a large extent. I have Autism L. 1 (I would have been diagnosed with Aspergers). It can take a while for me to process what people say because my brain likes to mull it over. Often have to ask for things to be repeated. My husband has Very exciting conversations with his friends. They speak so quickly and it's frustrating to keep up. It's not like I don't understand what they're saying, it's that I don't have a chance 😖 to mull it over quickly enough and also they have moved on after all my ideas are ready to be said 😫
Thank you for the information. With mine I have little social but it is because of the anxiety it causes. I also have a good chunk of the restraint, where I have to take the time to do it right the first time, also the lack of emotion. I do worry about the lack of emotion though, because sometimes it builds to a burst of blasting out how I am.
I’ve always considered myself more of a social introvert because when I go out around people I can’t stand large crowds who is a small gathering of a few people or less like maybe one or 2 to 3 I am comfortable but then the next day I am just so wore out I’m so burned out that I have to have at least a day or more of downtime just to recharge and just calm down and relax because I also have generalized anxiety disorder included with other mental health disorders
I'd be the anxious introvert. While jogging I would see someone far ahead of me on the sidewalk, maybe a woman walking her dog. Rather than approach and run past them, I still find myself crossing the street to the far sidewalk rather than having to meet someone, even for a brief second as I pass. This would be me, getting run over by a car because both of the sidewalks have someone there and I'm running in the street. Well not really, you gotta keep your head on a swivel as a runner for cars at all times.
all of these resonated with me!! I think I'm definitely an anxious introvert, and in fact I mistook a lot of my anxiety symptoms as "just being an introvert" for a long time! But I also do need time to step away and think in order to respond thoughtfully and intentionally. Gonna have to check out that book!
I think people think of me in a bad way so I just like being alone and stay in my room even around family I get really anxious around people including family and friends even in zoom meetings with doctors and or friends I think a lot about people trying to hurt me so I just be alone
I’m a mix of thinking introvert and anxious introvert. I knew there was a spectrum of introverts! I don’t relate to all introverts some I get along well with and some not so much depending on personality type of course :) There are some extroverts who I get along with and some with who I don’t. It would be interesting to see a spectrum of extroverts video.
Since my career crashed, my body crashed and my income got cut my 2/3rds, I am alone 90 to 95% of the time. Not by choice. Busy just trying to survive. Now dealing with my mom's recent death alone. Thankfully, I have 2 people from hospice to talk to. Existing on the machine.
I dont think I'm an anxious introvert. I don't inherently worry about other people, and I wouldn't really turn down an invitation. I would be reluctant to go out, if I hadn't been up to much / made little personal progress though. But otherwise, I don't think about being judged when I'm *actually* around other people, If I feel crummy its just my own low self-esteem.
Okay, I am most definitely an anxious introvert and possibly a thinking introvert. There were a few questions from both of these that I definitely said yes too. I am sure my neighbors think that I am rude and disrespectful due to the fact that I keep mostly to myself, and I don't like to shout back hi at them like they think is kind. Well, being a person with a soft-spoken personality type possibly plays into this too. Hey Katie, could you possibly do a video of types of personalities like soft-spoken people please?
I feel like I'm restrained introvert but I'm not emotionless, i can feel others emotions on very high level but I prefer to stay practical at a times rather than overreacting and getting into unnecessary thoughts or emotions, i can just stop my mind.
Hi, I loved this video thank you. I was wondering if introversion/extroversion can change through your life? Or do you think maybe someone who’s felt they’ve had a-lot of switches with intro/extroversion maybe is the anxiety type? Is there something similar to this for extroversion?
I find attend church services since it helps with my mental health the one pastor I like she is a older woman very peaceful and very calm and makes me laugh alot she's really soft
I really relate to all of these. My needs and preferences are very dependent on what else I have on in my life, and a lot of the time I also relate to extroversion! It fluctuates so much, personality is soooo fluid!
I feel like I’m a good mix of all of these. 😬 #3 is strong in me though. I have a sister who is #4 and this helped me realize I’ve been misunderstanding her.
I definitely need my alone time, more than others for sure, but I also love socializing and being the life of the party when the mood strikes. I also thrive in social settings when I can have deep conversations with people - I'm not super into the surface level chats!
Are there more types of extroverts too? Because I like spending time with others, it gives me energy, but when it comes to new people I'm extremely shy and quiet and I feel kind od overwhelmed when there's too much people I'm not that familiar with
I guess I'll never know if I'm an introvert because I have sensory processing disorder, specifically I am overstimulated easily, and people are overstimulating. So wether or not I would be energized by people outside of the sensory input, I'm not sure, since I just can't with the overstimulation.
I find this topic so interesting, especially after the pandemic with the isolation we all experienced during the lockdowns. We human beings are genuinely social creatures, but even that need for social interaction varies on a spectrum. I tend to be talkative - which is something I’m trying to curb as I get older. If I’m feeling awkward or anxious, I tend to be talkative to distract from the discomfort. If I’m happy, I tend to be bubbly and chatter happily. It would seem to some that I’m some kind of social butterfly extrovert but at the end of a day where I’m doing a lot of socializing and meeting new people, I don’t feel energized at all. I’m completely exhausted, and all I want to do is climb into a hidey-hole someplace to chill out. I may have enjoyed every moment of a day like that, but it draws on my mental energies because people are important to me. I often feel joyful around other people, but that doesn’t change the fact that it requires more energy from me than it does for my siblings who are extroverts and very socially skilled and graceful with others. I have fewer relationships, but they have more depth and most have lasted for years. It’s just more “my speed” somehow. I’ve never really understood my own introversion all that well, except as a cap on my energy level when I’m at a conference or maybe at a party, where I’m sitting near the pets or having a quiet conversation on the outskirts of the main “conversation pit”. I’m glad there’s more research taking place on personality attributes like introversion and extroversion and ambiversion (if that’s really a thing - it feels intuitively like it could or should be). Thanks for sharing this video - I enjoy your content. :-)
I'm a 1/2/4. At 51 became introvert due to 70% friends/family/partners/people iv met are horrible. Only trust like minded/friendly/polite people/small groups/enjoy sports/dont drink alcohol so don't like clubs but love dancing & struggle to a find partner.
New fifth Introvert Category for the People Behaviour Science Folks: Omnintrovert. In scientific terms: a big ol' sloppy mess of all four categories discussed here. That's me and apparently a lot of other folks in the comments section here. Now that I have contributed to the sum total of human knowledge.... *tips hat and rides off into the sunset because there are fewer people there.* Thanks, Kati and you're welcome science!
I didn't know that there are types of introverts. Thanks for this video Kati! This is helpful for us to be enlightened about introvert people and understand them more.
Enlightening! Would love a video on how to express your needs as an introvert. I find it hard to say "Hey I need to go home for 5hrs and maybe see you again in 2 weeks" 😅😬
Thinking Introvert definitely rang the most true for me, whereas the others were a bit of a mixed bag of "sometimes" or "it depends", I think because I may jump between preference and anxiety, while being somewhere in the middle of introversion and extroversion.
I don't know if I'm an introvert or not. My Mum bashed the crap out of me so often when I was a kid I'm still reeling from it all. I have cptsd from it. This illness can feel like anxiety which I guess makes a person seem like an introvert whether they are one or not. My gut tells me that I'm not.
Great video! Thank you Kati 😉😉♥️🇧🇷 It took many years for me to stop trying to be more extroverted and accept myself. It's a shame that most people around me ("friends" and relatives) don't care about understanding and trying to learn a little bit about the way I am and that I don't have a disorder. Oh boy... Anyway, anyhow, I love being on my own. I guess I am mostly a Thinking Introvert with a little hint of Social and Anxious Traits.
What is the value of having these labels? I’m curious how it helps? What does it change? How does it help be our best selves? Of course I understand the value of insight, but are the labels a necessary part of self-evolution?
I must admit that I am an anxious introvert, probably an extreme one. It is not a point of pride. There are benefits to being one. But, it is still not a good thing. I avoid everyone. I have no friends. I go weeks without seeing humans, save on television. Though, this is the only way I know, it is supposed to be somewhat dangerous. I am not sure what the danger happens to be. But, perhaps it is a good thing for me not to know the dangers of being an extreme introvert and just concentrate on the benefits. Coronavirus isolation was the best time of my life. I must be defective.
I used to have a lot of social anxiety as a kid, but I've mostly outgrown it. I do feel anxious when people invite me to gatherings because I experience a sense of conflict between knowing that I'll feel spent afterward if I go vs. disappointing people if I don't. I'm not generally afraid of the social interactions, and find it easy and enjoyable to converse with people. I just hate letting people down if I decline the invitation, and I hate feeling worn out if I accept the invitation.
I resonate with all of the types, but I think the 'anxious introvert' type applies to me the most. I feel more comfortable and talkative around people I trust, but with others, it's nerve-wracking
I'm 35 and since about a year before the pandemic I realized I am more of a severe introvert more like a HERMIT. I have always lived at home with my mom and my 10 year old daughter, so the house isn't empty so I don't ever feel LONELY, but I LOVE being ALONE & by myself doing my own stuff! Quarantine only threw gas on that fire & made me enjoy it because I rarely had to leave the house! To this day I only leave to run errrands once or twice a week and work once or twice a week. I don't socialize with anyone except my family because I have no interest in socializing. >>> I wish I knew more people like myself. So I can stop wondering if I'm messed up.
Or just trying to not add any more facets to a complex PTSD , looking carefully before every step, after spending time in a "liberal" environment , that encouragesed the ,just be yourself, but not like that! Without the not like that being denotated ,on the rare occasion someone would actually steer me away from yet another crash and burn incident.
Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured...Spend your free the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to. Susan Cain
I've completely misused the term "social introvert" then. I've called myself that even, because I thought it meant "an introvert that doesn't mind or even like social gatherings". But at least I'm an open introvert, meaning I'm not afraid to say when I need time alone.
just more muddy water. first anxious is a mental illness, then it's a type of introvert. the more categories you make, the more meaningless the whole spectrum of extro to intro vert spectrum becomes. The degree of fear is not usually brought up, but that seems to drive a lot of folks into their state. Fear of being wrong, fear of shame, just hiding from the world and keeping a little pretend world inside, but then angry because that is so limiting. If the basics were more concrete maybe everyone would understand this better, but if we did and tried to get the young introverts to evolve out of their shells, would not some folks get upset?
