The 5 BIG SIGNS That Relationship WON'T LAST! | Esther Perel & Lewis Howes 

Talk to him in different ways. TRY to motivante him to do it. Sometimes peoples brains are fed up

I was left for another after 39 years of marriage and trying to reinvent myself. Would you mind sharing what kind of hobbies you picked up?

@@kimturner9309 well, I took up gardening and fly fishing..I live in AK and did some traveling in the winter. I also moved out to a tiny home in a remote area but have internet. Everything to furnish other than the bed matress and linens is 2nd hand and then I built some rock gardens and grew veggies and planted flowers. Also learning about wild edibles and took up making natural teas and remedies from plants I find, like labrador, old man's beard, dandelion, currants..and I read, I work and also got a puppy (German Shepherd) on Valentines Day. She's my fishing and camping partner. If you ever want male attention, just go fishing.

@@BC-dm5bi thank you for your lovely answer! I adopted a dog after my divorce. He’s a chihuahua mix. Wonder how he would do at fishing?😝

good luck on your path, you're brave!

@Animalfarm I will..and you can do it. You may lose everything but will find yourself. It's never too late. I started over by couch surfing with friends and focused on my work, health, mind, body and spirit. I still cry but it can be done

Yes exactly, it's an important idea. It goes against the New Age ideology of everything being your own responsibility. I am absolutely for choosing supportive company that can enhance the best in you or rather allow you to be the best you can be, and you help eachother together.

Yes, I loved that statement she made. We are not perfect and probably will not become better people without having a partner who teaches us and shows us who we are.

You know, I agree with this. But at the same time I am horribly un-attracted (dis-attracted?) to men who act as if I am their mother, as the person who listens, understands, etc, etc, while they fix themselves, or not. For that reason I think people need to fix themselves, and not expect their partner to become their therapist. It's unfair on the partner, and it doesn't fix whatever issues you have. It's like, if I have issues with trust, is a man going to teach me how to trust? No. I have to learn to trust, myself, by myself.

Yes, as long as the person wants to heal and work on themselves.some people refuse to heal, unfortunately. I 💜her.

@@ebbyc1817 1000% in agreement with you. Individuals can only fix and love themselves first before one can radiate all that goodness to other's.

@@ericaawake9503 I did same

I would adjust your language slightly, and therefore your understanding on dysfunctional behaviour. Better to say someone with empathic behaviours meeting someone with narcissistic behaviours. These behaviours don't define identity. And Narcissistic behaving people can heal and change, it's possible. And Empathic behaving people aren't really that empathic, they are anxious obsessed with the other so they can feel better themselves, which makes them also narcissistic in their behaviours.

@@simeonmorris1774 yesssssss! We all have a bit of everything sprinkled in. It's funny how the only time you hear about "narcs" is when a self professed "empath" pours out their story of how they were so hard done by. No one loves talking about themselves more than an "empath".

@@simeonmorris1774 what you’re describing about the empath could be more about codependency than narcissism.

​ @Rhona 'Rho' Bennett It could be, yes. I think that narcissistic behaviour is really just toddler behaviour; It’s a person acting as a 4 year old. So, a co-dependant relationship will contain narcissistic behaviour certainly. Any time a person acts as if there is no-one else in the relationship, they are acting narcissistically, so both sides of a co-dependant relationship will be acting narcissistically at times, in my opinion.

THIS!

As a wife, soooo very well said. If you can't show understanding for MY feelings and viewpoint, I can't treat your logical views as being on 'my' side and so I have to defend myself against your logic, making me feel defensive and then I naturally treat you as the 'enemy'..

Your words are right on. And as women we are unconsciously conditioned to accept the man's judgment even though that makes us all wrong. And . . . an appropriate response on the part of the man could be to acknowledge that the woman may know something he doesn't. I believe that women are much more closely connected to their instincts. Finally, a man who has empathy and knows women will understand that the world is a much more threatening place for women. We are prey to many people.

@Ebby C: You are brilliant! Thank you for speaking truth to 'power'.

Well, more than the gender (of a person) its about the individual's sensibilities toward other, it can be other way around too, when a man gets emotional or expresses feelings and is invalidated by the other person (not gender)

Yeah but I find a weird when a women of such wisdom speaks on a man 👨

John Gray wrote a best selling book in the 90s called “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. He then wrote other best sellers with similar titles. It was all about marriage and he did the TV talk show circuit. His ex wife Barbara De Angelis also wrote a best selling marriage advice book and did the TV talk show circuit. Only one problem….they both blamed one another for the divorce. My point is…..Those that can’t do, teach.

@@theredboneking I read most of John Grays book and Barbara DeAngelis as well. She always seemed weak and him very much in touch with hos feminine side.

@@theredboneking I read a couple of John gray books 📚 he speak languages of man an women

Awesome precise reading to the best of your abilities .Many thanks.There are five million people in New Zealand and can the world work with that many opinion on a matter. Opinions are differentiating . Everyday of a calender month is different in a week.Planets in the atmosphere changes , causing chaos in people's lives , but what can people do.If have to go with the flow and do the best we can . That's all to it.Too many people want poke their nose in other people's lives and relationships , looking for their own advantage , trying to manipulate and control. They need to be told to mind their own frigin business.

@@comdrive3865 A depressed person does not necessarily need to specifically seek out another depressed person. Assuming a depressed person is under the care of a physician, getting medication and or talk therapy they might mention they struggle with depression to a significant other or someone they are interested in. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a dealbreaker. It depends on how depressed. Is the person suicidal? If that were the case, that person may not be in a good position to begin a relationship.

I love her non 'me' center approach and showing that life is not fireworks. Lots of relashionship guru sell unrealistic vision of marriage.

NoooAdriana, you will still be miserable.....I am sure ...you better ask me.

Beautifully stated! Wish more people understood this.

Important point to make. It's so difficult to see where to draw the line thoughfor me - what just needs work and commitment, and what is just too much to take on?

Also, as I tell my single best friend “The only problem with you waiting for the perfect woman is that she will want the perfect man as well…and you are not him”

Yes it does. I'm perfect.

that sounds so sad

@@ForChiddlers so many sad things in life already. I don’t plan on being one of those. 👍

Hugs.... That's usually the case with most awakening

@@contr4dixion hugs are okay if you need the other to validate. Self-awareness and Self-love is key. If you don’t love all your flaws and imperfections, you can not heal your spirit. People in pain or struggling thinks they lost that part of themselves. How does one think they lost that part of themselves, it’s bc they weren’t being conscious of themselves and their actions. When was the last time you hugged yourself.

Ann Eone I think that you are just getting old and on your way to become a crazy cat lady.

Have you watched the video for, at least, 8 minutes? She said something exactly about that.

that body eh! 👀

Exactly. Make YOURSELF happy

🏥

Marriage is what nowadays? Not the one thing that helped my grandparents to survive in the world war times and create environment that has opportunity for love. Like they said in FreshandFit podcast , 1960ies things started changing and somewhere in time marriage became just romantic story that sells well and has little to do with necessary things of being a human being. We as creatures need connection..so people invent a new name, new idea to live for ..what ever.. it is biologically written into both men and women to have connections. Women use marriage since god knows how long allready to get money from men even tough they are free to live life as they want and make money in career..go for it. Just do not bring your traps in marriage to get stuff from men since we are free of traditional meaning of marriage. Marriage can work if it means sharing and building life together without expecting materials or money in return. Just find a way for boys to have a role model father of a man that makes connection with women/woman without destroying/being destroyed.

marriage is a bad deal for men. women gets everything man has and then kick him to the curb when she sees the greener grass on the otherside

@@redbetta2191 Marriage is a wonderful thing for the right people. If we marry selfish, mean-spirited people, then we can't blame the "institution of marriage". We have to take responsibility for our choices. However we shouldn't blame ourselves for the wrong that others do; it reflects their bad character not yours.

@📌pinned by Lewis Howes 6yFäst kopierade textavsnitt om du inte vill att de raderas efter en timmeFäst kopierade textavsnitt om du inte vill att de raderas efter en timme

Can you say why please?

True

@@knowthyself8233 use

There’s no such thing as a relationship with yourself. Relationships is how you interact with and get along with at least one more person or entity. Knowing yourself and being in healthy relationships with people are both equally important.

L

Lllll

Then they hit you with “figure it out” 🤕

Yes

Running away is best!

💔

Sorry for.all.that

Yes its all a learning experience you learn from it.

I’m sadly realizing after doing some self-healing how incompatible my husband and I really are. It’s quite tragic, because we are compatible on other levels, but on an emotional and intimate level we’re basically dead. For him it’s okay, I’m suffering.

Agreed!

Appreciate you! 🙏

Bella Kim....Your bf is fortunate to have you in his life. You speak with such wisdom, knowledge and understanding. It would benefit him to mirror some of your attributes. I hope you two the best in your future personal and relational endeavors. If he loses you, he will lose a precious jewel, not easily replaced.

So true

@@piotrekmajkowski5422 lol, yes, that's the million dollar question.

Your mindset will change once children come into play.. I’ve seen it happen every time. Which values are you going to encourage, who decides etc, etc... I think it’s sweet of you but naive at the same time.

@@milicamarshastefanovich3312 How could a couple not be proactive and not discuss parenting styles before the child is conceived? How about perhaps getting to know a person's values, wants & needs before shacking up or walking down the aisle. Could that not prevent so many ends to many relationships? People spend more time researching a car to see if it could fit their lifestyle than they do their partner in life. Thank you your comment, yet I feel naive is nowhere near my front door.

All she says rings true. Values friendship and life goals are so much more important than romanticism

I've been married over 30 years. I have great kids, but there's no reason to be married to do that. Both my wife and I greatly regret getting married. Its one of the dumbest things people do.

@@FFE-js2zp Are you serious? Marriage IS NOT the "dumbest" thing people do. Apparently you never understood the PURPOSE of marriage. I can only imagine the wasted time and happiness you and your spouse experienced in an unforfilled relationship. Apparently you were unable to build and nurture your marital union, and give it the special care it needed to endure for a lifetime. Marriage isn't for everyone. But, don't knock the institution of marriage because of your lack of understanding in marriage. A person can be involved in a seious auto accident. Should they say " buying cars and driving is the dumbest thing people can do; there are other means of transportation". That's how you sound..

@@van182 Nothing you said can't be done better without a paper contract that says you promise to financially ruin each other if you no longer wish to stay. It is childish and asinine.

Janet.. It is the ladies the abandon or break their relationships not the guys. The ladies end 95% of all relationships and file for divorce 80% of the time, primarily for economic reasons. Your generation raised girls that grew up to be horrible girlfriends and very bad wives and their generation took it to the next level. This next generation looks like they may be the final tombstone for the practice of marriage all together. But you know what it is not all bad. If you are making over 6 figs and have a cool life style like me you can get laid very easily and with no effort. I can't believe I was a romantic in my 20s, I would not trade this for any one girl...

@@PAIP_Studio Totally agree. I don't blame women for consistently chasing genetic variety, it is mother natures plan. Clearly they have been given the equipment and the mandate to always search for the best DNA to build the future human race. They SHOULD ditch their last dude for the best they can find in the present. Nature couldn't care less about the last guy's "feelings." Suck it up and move out to pasture men, your job is done.

Romance in a way is beautiful because you love people for all they can be, but reality is also beautiful because you learn to love people for who they really are.

I’m not actually convinced of that. I think the generation today is more susceptible to succumbing to much more trivial pressures in relationships. I think the idea of romanticism is sought after by many young people today, by going after it with a ‘shopping list’ approach. Also, many young couples put themselves under pressure to portray the picture of a happy relationship on social media, and that in many cases, that becomes the sole focus in their real life and in their digital life. There is in my opinion, nothing real about that. These days, we have much more opportunities to learn about ourselves and about other people, but our priorities have to be right in order to be open to receiving, learning and applying that information. My parents are 42 years married, they worked, got a mortgage, had kids, paid bills, put food on the table and gave us the best life they could. Let me tell you, much of that realism and practicism is definitely lacking in today’s world. Neither eras can be compared, then and now, because it’s totally different.

@@xxpollypocket Thats very true. I guess I was just thinking about the wider philosophies, what relationship experts are saying. There will always be people within society who are not there yet and work towards impossible ideals, but I feel the goal post is moving towards realism. Realism can also appear as romanticism, e.g. loving someone "warts and all", accepting our perfect imperfections etc.

@@stephcampbell9277 totally agree…definitely the world as a whole is becoming more open minded and open to learning. Hopefully we can help to keep steering the younger generation in teaching them that romanticism needn’t wear out in trivial matters, rather they may need to learn to see beyond the rose tinted glasses and be open to accept as you say ‘warts and all’. Thanks for the positive interaction! 🌞🙂

@@MrStudGuy Yes I did this for years as well. Realizing the root cause was validation from my Father plus all the wounds he gave me. So I worked on forgiving him. I think acceptance is probably the biggest healer. Also realizing you are free and you don’t need to be attached to that longing for things to be right. Your right just being who you are. Set free independent release and protect.

Send you live from South Africa ....stay blessed

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Completey agree

I wouldn't say "forget" them, but reframe them for what they actually are... i.e. Beauty and the Beast is an abusive relationship (angry male with codependent female) Disney is the biggest influence in showing children what unhealthy relationships look like, including unhealthy/abusive parents and step-parents.

@@stephanier6783 As a huge Disney fan, I respectfully disagree. There is the movie side to Disney and then there is the theme park side. Being able to afford DVC points and vacation with the family at Disney world every year is one of the most healthy things a family can do together. It’s good clean family fun! (Watch DFB Guide on YT). As for the movie influence on children or a married couple. The deeper lesson from Beauty & The Beast 🥀, it was all about teaching a child to look past the physical and get to know the person. The Beast was frustrated by the abuse that he was receiving. At Hollywood Studios in Disney world, they have a live Beauty & The Beast musical. A very large young lady cried at the end of it because it moved her so. The message meant more than the frustration that the Beast was exhibiting. My 25 year old son grew up on Disney and he is a wonderful, well adjusted person. Every Disney movie teaches a young mind something important. Disney is all about Family. Walt wanted to create a better place to bring your children than the typical carnival and spending a week at Disney world, there is no better place.

Someone's been watching Kevin Samuel's!

22:00 If you just accept it IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER... love & honor

@@theredboneking a vaca at Disney is a huge waste at a giant Mall. 😂

all women claim their ex is a narcissist. seems to be human

@@ericaawake9503 my was as well ! So hard to learn about it !

@@ericaawake9503 most of them are with several mental issues, refuse to seek treatment and rage or run to MAMA.. grown man running to latch to her boobs..

You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜

In the old countries, they used Astrology to betroth young children. Why? If 2 people have complimentary Venus/Mars, or Sun/ Moon you will have the same goals; you will be able to argue & forgive, & grow old together. Nowadays, people marry for romantic attraction alone, which can be over in 7 years (a Saturn cycle/7 year itch).

@@myramedicinewindkay813 very interesting

@@myramedicinewindkay813 What countries? I’m curious about this.

@@Jocelyn_Jade India, China, Tibet, Korea, Japan, & many more.

This is exactly right, especially when you come together at a young age. Nobody is the same person at 45, that they were at 25.

Appreciate it, thank you! 😊

This is every woman :-(

Oh my word, yes. I dated a guy just like this...I SWEAR, I was helping him move one time and saw that he had a BOOK on pretending to be what she wants...no kidding. He said that book was very helpful to him ( in a moment of truth and this was after we had broken up, we weren't even really dating because I saw red flags everywhere- but most girls didn't see the red flags and I didn't at first, because he used this technique.) But seeing that book confirmed that I had made the right decision. I know people don't want to believe there are guys out there that not only write books like that but many more readers who used that info.

@@spunkycat6144 I dated the same guy...

Agreed 👍

Honestly

Lovely comment.

You sound hurt

Big thanks! 😊🙏

👏🙏

Thanks for being here!

👍