The Autistic Traits of my Childhood - Learning to Be Autistic Episode 13 

Another point I'd add that others may have experienced is that in childhood I seemed to have almost no sense of self-awareness - and therefore almost no sense of embarrassment; in adulthood it's been transformed into almost total self-consciousness and fear of embarrassment. I think autism can lead to swings from almost total lack of self-awareness to hyper self-awareness. While the latter can reduce social mistakes and generally lead to a better lifestyle it's often at a great cost in terms of self-esteem.

Every time I find myself thinking ‘this autism diagnosis can’t possibly be right’, I remember my childhood and think ‘how did they not know!’ 😉

The best part for me is the fact that I fit almost all the stereotypes for autism between 18 months and 4 years old (when I started talking), but I still didn't get diagnosed ever. To be fair to my parents, they were going to have me tested, but they didn't want the stigma to follow me around for my whole childhood. It was really bad where I grew up :( It was the kind of place where they would assume you were unintelligent for no other reason than your diagnosis; at least, that's what they did to my cousin before me. But hey, I found my people eventually. Maybe it was 20 years late, but I'm here now

Lol I still organise my sweets sometimes. Never realised this was weird, like why would you not organise your sweets?

I sort my candy too! But I eat them so that all colors have the same number left, and then I eat them in order of preference (flavor or color depending on the candy), and always my favorite one last. I'm glad to know I'm not the only candy sorter! 🤣

OMG IM WITH U my mom used to take care of autistic kids at a mental hospital and she NEVER NOTICED MY AUTISTIC TRAITS and just called me “gifted and socially awkward” LMAO

For many of us our childhood and adult experiences of autism are like looking at something through different lenses. It may look different (occasionally seemingly unrecognisable) but it's actually the same thing, just patterned in different ways by different life experiences and circumstances. I was more social as a child but that's because children are placed in social situations so much more of the time; it was telling though that while I could make acquaintances I rarely made friends. Even at a young age I developed intense interests although these changed over time whereas the special interests we have as adults tend to become more long-term. I also tended to be a collector and generally took more pleasure in things than people.

I'm not sure. I had few friends. I spoke early. I had a really active imagination, which is where obsessions tended to live. I spun compulsively. I don't think my avoidance of eye contact began until puberty. I had to walk up and down stairs with a certain foot first, or so that each foot would be used equally. I didn't really line things up, collect more than usual, or keep to routines. I didn't fit into the school system, and I still don't fit into systems.

As a kid I had a reluctance to yellow colored candy. It lasted for several years. I also couldn’t have my dinner (potatoes, gravy, green-peas etc) getting mixed up. It had to be neatly separated on the plate for me to be able to eat it. I also couldn’t stand eating cream cake, because of the mushy consistency. Basically the only cake I ate, was chocolate cake. Butter.. when I put on butter on my sandwich, It has to be the perfect amount, and it has to be spread out in the right direction, lol 😂 That’s just the way it always has been for me 😂 Today I do eat cream cake and I don’t mind mixing the food on my dinner plate. But I am still picky about certain foods. And food smells….! - I cannot stand the smell of certain types of foods, like champignons…I have actually left the coffee shop, that also serves lunch, if I could detect the horrendous smell of Champignons in the frying pan 🍳😂😂 I gotta laugh 😂 at myself sometimes! Anyways, great video as always ✨✨✨👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼😄😄😄

Lovely vid Dana! I related most to breezing through primary school. Comparing primary school and secondary school, primary school is infinity times easier than secondary school. I know that this is normal but I really struggled ( BEYOND what is normal) especially with getting things done because of my executive function issues. I loved how LITTLE homework we would get in primary school and how there would always be a schedule to when we would get the homework and when we would turn it in. When I was in sixth grade, we used to get our English and Math homework every Sunday and turn it on Wednesday. I ADORE that structure. To sum up my rant, I WISH I could go back to primary school. Let me know your thoughts about this and if you have any suggestions for me to stop wanting to go back to primary school.

Me again, sorry. Still bingeing all your content in no particular order and it's getting to be a bit uncanny how many oddly specific experiences I have in common. Which has kinda got me thinking, it would be so interesting to know what draws an autistic person to a particular interest. Like, why is that I, as a woman born a full 10 years before you, was also OBSESSED with Zorro (my sword was made out of bamboo though) and specifically Antonio Banderas even though I'm gay. And ancient Egypt! Like, why ancient Egypt? I know people say it's not the interest itself but rather the intensity of it, that makes it an autistic trait. But come on. I noticed in the comments of another one of your videos that loads of us are fascinated by cults. Why cults? Why dinosaurs? Why fantasy novels? I don't give a shit about trains personally but why trains? I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about this.

Thankyou so much for making this video. I'm 47 & self-diagnosed ASC, just beginning process of getting an assessment. I'm gathering together evidence to present in case they don't believe me, but find it hard to remember much about my childhood. This was really useful & sparked off loads of memories. Brilliant stuff, you're a great speaker & easy to follow. All the best cheers :-)

I can soo relate to the imposter syndrome! Are you on the (almost) constant journey of self-discovery too? 🤣 Knowledge is power lmao! Learning as much as I can about autism is keeping my imposter syndrome at bay 🙈 I'm very lucky to have my diagnosis too so it's pretty settled for me aswell 🤦🏻‍♀️ And yet 🤣 According to my mom, when I was a toddler/very young kid I had a phase where I hated dresses and girly things, which I remember, and I was obsessed with dinosaurs too! Apparently I could name all the types of dinosaurs and my mom was really impressed by it 🤣 Even though that phase passed and I got into girly things again in primary school, I used to collect all 'The Land Before Time' movies on VHS (DVDs weren't quite a thing yet) so I still loved my dinosaurs 🤣 I collected Barbie dolls, My Scene dolls and Bratz dolls (over the course of a few years cause they're expensive) 🙈 I had one of those early/mid 90s mini Cabbage Patch Kids and she was my absolute favourite doll! I had a doll house that became hers, and I'd collect any and every Bratz doll accessory I could for her until her house looked just like an actual person's house 🤣 I still have her! Her and my best and first teddy are my 2 most treasured belongings 💓 Adults used to comment on my imagination and the amount of effort I put into what I now understand to be my special interests and obsessions 💞 Any farm animal toys that I had I'd always end up categorising, and I only remember that because I had all the pigs together in a box of their own and a friend found them, slowly looked up at me and said "...you collect pigs?" 🤣 we burst out laughing 😂🐖 Academic achievement wise I was always average/just above and then really struggled with maths (undetected discalculia, still undiagnosed) 🙈 But teachers always commented on my drawings - I'm one of the "artistic autistics". ✍ At home I could draw for hours! Play, draw and just generally entertain myself for hours ❤ I'm a loner nowadays too 🤣 I was an only child until I was 17 though so 🥰 There are many autistic traits I remember from childhood which is helpful for me to recap lmao, especially during the strongest imposter syndrome moments 🤣 Also, I apologise cause my comment is yet again an essay of my actual life story lmao but you're ofc under no obligation to reply! 🤣 I just wanted to quickly add that I realized I've never mentioned your cats before! I think they're both adorable 🥰😻

i dont think this has anything to do with autism, but i usually pick my food apart. basically save the best for last, for example i LOVE pie dough so I'll eat the meat first or whatever the filling is and then eat the dough. In some cases I prefer to pick my food apart, especially when pastries involved

Great video. DID you have germ phobia, christian obsessions, noght terrors and bathroom issues? I was luclu enough too, but it was partly how i was raised, yeah its amazing what parents can miss, i identified with your collecting, mine was gi joe armies.

My most obvious autistic trait as a kid was that I would have periodic shutdowns where I would be sort of catatonic--totally unaware of anything around me. I was often standing when this happened. It was due to a sensory overwhelm, and it didn't cause anxiety because I knew I just had to "check out" for a while and then I'd be okay. In kindergarten I didn't play with the other kids, just stood and watched, though I wanted to be included. I had no clue what anyone else was doing or what I wanted to do. My kindergarten teacher called my parents and said "Your son doesn't have all his beans, and should probably see a psychiatrist." They ignored her. I confronted my mother about all this after college: "Didn't you see that there was something wrong with me?" She said that the shutdowns were concerning but I'd soon come out of them, and I did okay in school. That was sort of it. I

Are you the one that said in a video that you hated socks and would throw them away in elementary school?

I spoke late but started reading early (hyperlexia) so was an avid reader and loved creative writing. Which now on reflection was a special interest! I used to walk around the playground and make things up in my imagination. I also excelled academically but struggled continually to make friends. I think the academic side if things became an obsession for me bc it was the only thing I thought I was good at. Always struggled with eye contact. Used to pick up on other people’s tone of voice/inflection and add it in to my own (autism accent). Developed obsessions and compulsions at a young age, which now has been diagnosed as OCD. I fidgeted all the time and rocked back and forth on my chair at school, which I used to get told off for. Oh and my big special interest, which has recently made a reappearance! The Sims! Would play that continually if left alone.

I love your shirt!

Love your videos!

Thank you for sharing!😍

There is no need for a diagnosis unless there is impairment across all areas of life. Some things are just personality traits.

My daughter is 11 yo and has been diagnosed as autistic. She isn't into collecting that much (at the moment) but reads obsessively and she is very engaged with a fantasy world that she is creating and I'm helping her doing that. Your experiences help me to prepare me for her years to come. Thank you for sharing. and stay true to yourself (that includes the masking :) ).