I used to read to a man who had Alzheimer’s when I was younger. Read for him for about a year and a half until he passed away. At first he just confused me for his nephew and asked me why I had skipped some parts which I had read to him on previous weeks. After that he would forget about me entirely, so I had to introduce myself every time I went, just for him to think I was his nephew a few minutes later. This went on for a while, with him starting to speak less and just closing his eyes and holding my hand as I read. At one point his wife went to visit him as I was going and he only recognized me, (as his nephew) which made me really sad. Later on, he wouldn’t even speak, as he had forgotten how. Every time I would leave he would look at me with such a sad look, with half dead eyes, as if longing for something. He always held my hand as I read, always looked at me as I left. That look he had still gives me chills to this day. It’s honestly both one of the best and most terrifying experiences I’ve had in my life, and being the person who interacted with him the most, (aside from the nurses) I grew attached to him to the point where I would look forward to going to read to him. His death really hit me hard, but I can’t imagine what his wife went through, from being the most important person in his life to being forgotten completely. Now I’ve gotta say if you’ve read all of this then I admire and thank you for reading some of my old memories kind stranger.
No problem. Did he have the same few minutes of clarity at the end? I heard that once their time is up a few minutes beforehand they have their Alzheimer’s just disappear then finally rest.
This feels like when your reading but you keep accidently rereading the same paragraph. But you keep doing it until you cant understand the words anymore.
From looking into dimensia it seems as though that is exactly what it is like. The familiar becomes unfamiliar and what might seem like reality is uncertain to you
My mother had dementia. It started with her denying that everything was fine, that she forgot the directions or simply placed the wrong directions when making a dish. Then it got to mistaking vocabulary, birthdays, holidays even. Then she forgot memories about me, and she would start crying on her bedside, begging that she doesnt want to forget. Then she forgot how to feel bad that she was forgetting things, almosf like a blissful hell. It was fucking terrible and horrifying to see your own mother forget your name, your face, the yesrs youve been together nonexistent. Its a fate worse then death, and a bitter memory id never wish for anyone to experience.
It really pains me when people say this kind of music is easy to make. Like, anybody can manipulate samples, and it’s pretty fun to see what you can do with music that already exists, but this whole album is SO much more complex than people give this guy credit for. Kirby was NOT slacking off in the years between album releases.
@@awakeningEmpathThere is actually a shocking amount of effort put into the later stages with assembling and manipulating samples. I highly recommend you watch FortuneEight's sample guide series, specifically K1 or any from stage 4.
@@awakeningEmpath It's not enough to just take music and slow it down with increasing distortion. The tracks all advance the story and say something new about the patient/disease. It's deceptively difficult to get tracks that fit the context of this album well, which makes me think there could be dozens of hours of unused music. And the later stages get extremely complex, some sections I believe have 20-30 known samples playing at once. It's all more mixing, mastering, and perfecting different effects, all for music that probably won't make it into the final version of the album. There were a lot of fan albums that came out after EATEOT, and though they get a lot of things right, they often JUST feel like ballroom music getting more corrupted. It doesn't feel like there was much care put into the complexity of emotions at hand. Compare this album to something like Everywhere In The Dead Of The Planet. You'll see what I mean.
@@Nameless7357-ko4gs Dont know about that, anybody can make a musical analysis video and make it sound legit. This is 99% an art piece and 1% a music piece.
this music is not easy to make, it takes skill, even if it was easy, this is so unique that nobody could've made it the same, art is about quality, not effort, but high effort USUALLY gives high quality if you know what you're doing, Leyland Kirby knew what he was doing and made something truly unique, people with EXPERIENCE similar to him can make their own masterpieces on par with this, but it won't BE this.
My great grandpa forgot who my mom and sister were. But he remembered me. Laying in the hospital bed. “How’s ol Carson” I was only 7 and I didn’t realize I was his only person. The only person that was left in his world.
My grandfather died a few hours ago. He had dementia, and even though I didn't knew what stage he was in, it must have been a late one since he wasn't able to talk, eat or move on his own. It started with forgetting little things, and even though he lived far away from me and I couldn't see the whole process, the next thing I knew was that my parents were crying. When I saw him again, he didn't knew who I was, nor his daughter or son, and nor the sister he was raised with. It was terryfing. The wrost part about it was probably the fact he knew there was something wrong with him. He was aware of his illness, and it just made him feel confused and scared. At least I'm happy he died surronded by his loved ones, lisening to his favorite songs as he passed away without any pain. May he rest in peace
My grandmother was like that but I only remember her in the final stage, I remember thinking she was just ignoring me but now I realize that she wasn't present in the moment, I still love her and as a kid I would always want to go down there with her my mom says, so we did get to spend some time together, I'm very sorry about your grandfather my heart goes out to you guys
The most scary part about this album for me is the fact that it's not just an album for a lot of people. I have read a lot of comments saying how umcomfortable, scared and sad these songs made them feel. Now imagine feeling like that for years until your death, as your mind is slowly deteriorating. Lisening to this for 6 hours suddenly dosen't seem that bad.
If you'd like to, volunteer at an old folks' home, or just chat with an elder if you can. Odds are with a life as long as they have lived, they'll have plenty of wild stories they'd love to share, and in turn you can pass those on too.
That's one of the most stunning quotes I've ever heard. I've never been more terrified for the journey that is ageing than I am now, having just turned 25, my brain set. I'm now off to learn everything on my own terms. One day, everything I learned, all the science stuff I dedicated my hours to over and above my homework for some cause I felt more important than anything, will suddenly evaporate. Or... slowly, slowly begin to untangle into senseless nothingness.
we’re all talking about how painful it is to listen to the full six and a half hours, but what about the poor guy who spent YEARS listening to it over and over again to make the damn thing... respect
I like to compare it to people that live with alzheimer's instead,deteriorating for years and unable to click away. Then i feel like 6 hours of nasty music is no big deal.
Tari Tangeo yeah totally agree. after listening to the first four hours (i’m struggling to get past this point, but feel like i owe it to The Caretaker and everything the albums stand for) it makes you really appreciate what you have. imagine living like this (or living in the state of mind that this is trying to represent) for years stuck in your own head until there’s just nothing left. don’t take anything for granted. again, huge respect to the creator of this art
@@hayley8315 nice. Some of them are in my head now because they obviously repeat... And I don't even know what they are. I haven't even passed 2 hours)
My grandma just passed a little over a week ago of dementia. About 4 months ago, her and i were sitting on her bed and she kept saying she "wanted to go" and i told her she could. I told her she had been gone for a while and she looked at me with tears and said "i know". Most gut wrenching thing to hear. She was calling me by my mothers (her daughters) name because thats the only name she knew.
I work as a nurse, I’ve taken care of numerous people suffering thru various stages of dementia. Me and my co-workers have mutual agreements that if we develop dementia, we’d rather take our own lives while we still have ourselves than go thru what our patients go thru. Many patients with dementia that have brief moments of lucidity will beg to die upon realizing what’s happening to them. I see it as nothing short of cruel that people are forced to experience the hell of losing themselves and their reality for the sake of maintaining “life”. This is a fear that had been boiling under the surface of my consciousness, previously mixed in with the stress, frustration, sadness and pain of trying to care for these people, that I could never quite nail down until I heard this album. It has helped me to empathize more easily with my patients and I’m not sure that’s completely good: now the dread of the disease and what it represents is much sharper in my mind, but now at least I can face it with renewed clarity and will to experience life to its fullest, despite the nightmares it gives me. And when I say nightmares, I mean: “A blasted landscape stretches before me, ashen earth rising into sharp hills and crests casting shadows black as night. The sky a faded memory of orange. A two legged creature walks on four across it, its limbs long, broken, misshapen, its body withered, its face, murky and faded. Its skin as ashy as the landscape its fingers, claw-like, grasps as it tediously pulls itself forward. Wind blows, cutting as ice, pushing with the force of an explosion. The creature cradles itself, though this offers no protection against the wind. Why does it do this? Is this some comfort to itself? Was it ever held before by another? The wind subsides, the crawl resumes, until the wind blows again. The path ahead seems lonely.”
Your dream reminded me of myself. Since I was small I was thinking about what life means. Why people die, why I am so insignificant. I coped with it by escaping into fantastical worlds, I read fiction the entire day, school just felt so empty and just reminded me of the dread. People were going around oblivious to the fact that everything ends, that one day there will be nothing left. I am extremely drawn to the dream you described, I search emptiness in art, an endless meaninglessness that stretches on into infinity. I guess the conclusion to draw from this is empathy towards other people, especially those who are suffering. But I can't get my mind of the thought that even that doesn't mean anything. We all need delusions to continue to function. In the end death is the greatest equaliser, no matter how rich, how smart, how loved amongst people, everyone has to face their mortality and suffering.
After my grandmother passed away, one of my core memory was my mom saying the same thing and asking for help to d!e if she wasn’t able to do it herself, just after taking care of my grandma during her last years
Swag moment when Elon Musk's brain chip streams a 5 minute long unskippable ad directly into your dementia ridden grandmother's brain causing her to seize and die
My grandfather died of dementia. It was slow…and painful for all of us. Before we knew, he was great. He was still working, even in his old age, like a badass. But as it set in, he had to fully retire and give up driving. He got over it…eventually. He soon forgot how to crank the lawn mower…or how to work the TV…or how to unwrap Christmas presents. Towards the end, he began to experience incontinence. He slept in a spare bed besides my grandmother, so he wouldn’t wet the bed. I got to visit him a day before he fully passed. By then, he was stuck in this…seemingly perpetual sleep. He made this horrible gasping snores. I knelt beside his bed and I spoke to him. And I prayed for him. I don’t know if he heard me. I hope he did. So long, Old Dinosaur. May you rest in peace.
Feel that. My father had a Stroke in December. A few weeks back I asked him if he was OK, as I usually do, he said good though he would forget things from time to time. I don't know if its dementia or not, but im terrefied right now. Writing that down is comforting but next time I'll see him the thought will hit again, as it did all the times since he said it. Thanks, if you took the time reading this. Stay Strong and keep your head up :)
My grandma has schizofrenia and bipolar disorder, and my grandpa cardiac diseases, he's half deaf and has alzheimer It really sucks dude... And they aren't even my direct parents
They say music is the last thing you remember when suffering from dementia. So if I get dementia and this is the only album I remember I'm going to be pissed.
my dad had alzheimer's. i remember listening to this album and breaking down crying, dreading what would come. while i hated his cancer, i'm grateful he died before he experienced the worst of this. he always remembered us
My mom told me once that my great grandma had dementia. She said they had to take all the mirrors out of the house because she was scared of the person who was in them.
That. That is true fear. If you cant bear to see the person in your mirror. Then you are getting close to where if you see a simple picture of you... it's just jumbled shapes and parts put together.
yes same with my grandad he would get really frustrated because he thought an old man was following him. i think its mainly because they regress so they think they are younger. it’s terrifying what your own brain can do to you, he would watch tv but he thought that the people were actually there with him like he would tell us about his trips to new york because there was a tv programme about new york ect
until the 2 hours mark it's bearable and slow-changing, after that there is a massive jump and its mostly spoopy sounds with bits of recognizable distorted melody, sometimes playing multiple melodies at once
@@dove4965 I skipped through it because I wanted to see what it was like even though I wouldn't be able to find the time to listen to the whole thing continuously. The only way I could describe those later tracks is that it's as if there's a remnant of some kind of musical quality far, far off in the distance, and I tried to grab it, but it kept getting farther and farther away, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
The quote"I think, therefore I am" makes you realize that after you cannot think your mind stops existing you stop truly existing but your mind was still there
"I think, therefore I am" does not imply that thinking causes the self to exist. Rather, Descartes used the statement as proof of something to exist whose existence is exemplified through the doubting self. We exist when we do not think as well, and the example is sleep or any other thoughtless states of the mind.
My grandfather is in (what I believe to be) in the end stages of dementia. The home he's staying at has recently moved him to a different one away from everyone else, because he can't eat properly anymore. He needs constant supervision now. The last time I saw him was Christmas Eve, and he didn't recognize anyone who came to see him. I know deep down how this will end, but it hurts so much.
@ Strange isn't it? I remember my grandmother's brother, who had quite advanced dementia; on the night of my grandmother's passing, told his caretaker another relative, that he saw his sister and that she was well. Moments later, back to his usual self as if nothing was said. A strange occurrence for me at the time, a young boy of 10 maybe. The lines between life and death, lucidity and composure all seemed to blur together. Perhaps he wasn't an addled old mind, perhaps he did indeed see his sister as she left this earth . Our minds are so much more powerful than we know, which is why I fear we know so little about combating diseases like dementia. I must admit, I am both fascinated and horrified by such diseases. Thank you for your comment.
stage 1. “you’ve been a bit forgetful this week,” your husband tells you. “is everything okay?” you nod, continuing the search for your keys. ‘old age is getting to me,’ you say, as you’re well aged and memory tends to slip. it’s just some keys. everybody loses keys. you give your granddaughter two cookies instead of one every so often, because you don’t recall giving her the first. stage 2. ‘what’s the… what’s the word for…’ “hey, are you sure you’re alright?” ‘yeah, yeah, i just… the word for that thing where you… hm.’ you can’t seem to remember that word on the very tip of your tongue. and you can’t remember the name of your granddaughter’s friend, despite seeing her multiple times. you show up to a doctor’s appointment at 3am and wait outside in an overheating car for an hour until the police escort you home. ‘do you remember that, uh… that, uh...’ stage 3. ‘did you hear about the building collapse?’ “...no, where was that?” ‘just down the road from here! the entire building went down! my coworkers and i saw it.’ your daughter and her grandchildren smile and nod along as you ramble about you witnessing a building go down while working in the building you’re currently in. (unbeknownst to you, nothing like this ever happened, and you aren’t an employee at the nursing home.) stage 4. when your daughter brings in her two grandchildren, you’re a little confused. you recognize them, you know their faces and that they’re related to you, but their names… their names… what are their names? and why does your daughter keep taking your silverware from your purse? that’s your stuff. (it isn’t. you keep stealing it from the nursing home’s dining room.) stage 5. who are these two kids that are visiting you? what’s the name of this younger woman you just barely recognize? what are these stories they keep telling you? where even are you? you wander hopelessly through the halls of this strange building you don’t recognize. stage 6. you’re just crossing the threshold. you've been struggling to walk and get yourself dressed lately. you can't recall anything anymore. someone shows you a tiny rectangle that shows two other people, who smile and wave at you, one asking, “how are you, ma?” tears rush to your eyes. you don’t know these people. alzheimer's is genetic in my family. my grandma is currently entering the sixth stage, and i’m most likely going to get it when i’m older. we didn’t get to see much of the first two stages, as my grandpa used to keep her in order when he was alive. then when he passed, we saw just how forgetful and confused my grandma was. this was basically just her journey through the stages, and i have a vague idea of how the sixth one’s going to go. looking through the comment section, i saw some stories of loved ones with alzheimer's and dementia, so i decided to share mine. i’m really hoping we can find some way to prevent alzheimer’s, because it sucks to witness my grandma’s slow deterioration. it feels like she died when my grandpa did. and it sucks even worse to know that my mom will most likely have it, and then my sister and i most likely will. so yeah. good luck, future me. update: my grandmother passed in august of 2023. it’s incredible she made it so long in her condition, but she was always a very stubborn person. before this disease destroyed her brain, she was a wonderful person, always willing to take on the world just because she could. she was an aggressive businesswoman who refused to be turned down from positions just for being female, showing up to interviews in full suits, challenging everyone’s ideas. she started fading when i was young, so i missed out on most of her personality, but she lives on in her beautiful artworks we keep around the house. thank you, grandma. rest easy now. see you on the other side. and thank all of you for reading.
My grandma has it and is in about stage 3-4, I never realized how awful Alzheimer’s is and I hate myself for not realizing the pain she has to endure. A few weeks ago my mom started crying because she didn’t recognize her. She still recognizes me but now I’m terrified. I don’t know anymore. This is so eye opening but not in a good way.
wazzbot same my grandpa just got diagnosed with dementia including his anxiety since childhood he was my only father figure in my life he loved me and my sister like nothing else but he’s not himself anymore use to be a stubborn old man now he’s just there and I know time will come where he will not be there anymore but I scared he won’t remember who he was and the people who loved him I don’t know what I’ll do if he forgets and leaves
well every now i then i suggest you prepare your entire life, lets say once a week, to build a huge memento-like recall system, that will if not help you, at least ease the way into this descent of madness. I am a bipolar and if i dont take my meds or if i take to much drug oh boy. Having mental illness is hard.
Everyone, don't worry. I'm saving as many comments as I can. That way, none of you will be permanently forgotten. There will always be at least one memory of you all, even if they're all saved on some random stranger's phone. I won't let any of you worry. I swear.
this is what happens with my uncle, and i feel so bad for him.. he even asks my aunt who she is and when she says they have been married for 30 years he gets so happy and he says "really? thats mind boggling.." and he smiles so wide, but even though re-knowing makes him happy, i cant help but feel so sad for him..
i always thought id just kill myself if i was the last person alive but now i feel like i would just forget that there was any people ever before i could bring myself to do it
Morgan Kasper He means if your lucky your mind will not fade away until your body dies. With dementia, the mind dies ahead of the body, slowly withering away until nothing. The hope is that your mind won’t go until your body does.
I miss my great grandpa. He was a fun guy to be around with. He had Alzheimer’s disease, and just seeing him forget simple things made my heart hurt. I would feel a bit sad when he would see me and say “who is the girl staying with us?” and my grandma saying it was me and introducing me to him as his great granddaughter. Even if he would forget about me, we would still have fun together, even if he forgot. I remember my grandma was trying to find her keys, and he said “早く” which means hurry. We didn’t even know he spoke Japanese. We guessed it was because of the war. Though he didn’t fight in WW2, his older brother did. I remember always asking my grandma for stories about grandpa. She said he would take her fishing when she was a young girl. We would always have 30’s and 40’s music playing for him. I remember one day he danced to a song I think is called “American Patrol” from the 40’s. Just seeing him having a good time listening to that song made me so happy. But what makes me very happy, is he got to see his first great great grandson. He adored his great great grandson. Unfortunately, he passed away in November of 2022. My mother told me and I went to my room, sobbing. Even now, almost 2 years later, I still cry. I spent about 2 months with my grandma after his death, helping her pack up his things. It felt so empty being at his house without him. At least now, he’s found his wife and family again.
About a few years ago, maybe just a year, this video has had 0 ads in them. RU-vid has put in a feature to where even if the creator doesn’t put ads in, there might still be some anyway so they can make more money.
@@ChoccoGlx+ That's not necessarily true, a lot of RU-vidrs have stated that while they opted for no ads, RU-vid would forcibly put ads on their video; regardless of their opinions on the matter. The only time I haven't seen ads on videos are on the 18+ or older "mature" content videos. (Advertisers hate when only a small, intended audience is watching; thus they only monetize wider audience-targeted videos.)
@@starsnatcher4659 I studied with it (I didn't have 6 free hours) and it wasn't bad! I liked the background noise but you indeed still feel the effects
It won't happen if you make sure to be miserable the whole way long. Just wall to wall of letting it all go as your frustration on not doing anything to feel alive leads you to nowhere.
My lovely grandmother had a stroke almost a year and a half ago. Unfortunately, this led to her developing Alzheimer's. It's so sad because sometimes she recognises me and other times she only remembers me when I was a child (even though I spent my whole life with her). She still believes that her father is alive and has gone on a trip somewhere far from Brazil. She's so sweet, she still believes that one day he will call to say hello. It's so sad - every day she gets worse because of her asthma and Alzheimer's. She can't even go to the toilet or move from her bed to our sofa without getting very tired. I feel like the worst is coming, but I don't know how to deal with it. Part of me isn't prepared for it, and the other part thinks that our family has never been so united because of her.
I've got early set memory loss (I can remember what it's called, I'll be honest, irony hits hard). Gonna develop into something more major, probably gonna have alzheimers alot earlier than most (I'm 14 btw). Is this ACTUALLY what I've got to look forward to? Cause if so then idt I wanna live much longer tbh
@@tando2484 I also have a slightly more 'advanced' form of memory loss than most people my age (I'm 17). I don't have a diagnosis, but I know that simple things like someone asking me to pick something up or the name of someone I've known for a while, I end up forgetting. I don't think it's the end of the road for me, to be honest. I've been trying to stay active lately, since I don't get out much (my grandmother is the reason for that). I've been playing memory games and reading books (manga, fiction, philosophy). Every day I try to improve, even if there's a chance that I'll end up in the same state as my grandmother.
@makimo-to5102 I just keep forgetting the subject of conversation mid conversation, my name, my friends names, soemtjems who I am and different crap like that. Fine rly, can't be too bad
Yup, because with no recollection of the past without any form of documentation to prove otherwise, it's like it never happened. It truly is a crazy notion and a harsh reality.
A little story of mine. My grandma has Alzheimer’s, for quite a while now as well. I have some memory of her, around 5 years ago when she went back to the Philippines. Developed it during some time there. My mom and aunt every once and a while called them from here in America. She could mostly remember them, (who wouldn’t forget their children?) but me… I’ve changed so much she only knows the small naive me. She doesn’t know me now. Just a fading face. We recently visited the Philippines over the summer. Just said hi, spent a month there. When we went home, I just went and said bye to my grandma. I suppose she remembered a little bit of me. Nodding as I said bye. Cruel, cruel disease.
what is really confusing is that there are 6 or 3 only,depending what model you think and there may be more,what i refer is how you can do dementia worst
I'd argue that that would actually make it not as bad.. imagine remembering that you need to remember but not being able to, the frustration that would come with that. Not remembering that you need to remember somehow seems more peaceful.
@@karlchilds8421 That's the thing. You no longer even feel the need to get back that piece of yourself that you lost. It's an empty bliss, which, in my opinion, is the most terrifying thing of all.
@@karlchilds8421 that's IMO the point of the name of the first song in stage 6: "A confusion so thick you forget forgetting". In a sense, the confusion in stage 5 was somewhat of a tiny ledge to hold on to. the realization that something is wrong and that things are not adding up. Stage 6 is just droning. No more realization that you're sick. No more comprehension as to what started confusion in the first place, so you stop being confused. The confusion is so thick that you forget forgetting. And that's the part where all is lost.
I used to work at an elderly folks home here in Germany when I was 17. We had a whole floor designated to dementia patients. The shifts there were the amongst, if not at the top, of my most horrifying experiences. We had an elderly gentleman, who has since passed away, called Herr Barian. He was a Wehrmacht veteran who had served on the eastern front in WW2. The only, _only_ thing he did all day, at *every wake hour* was scream his lungs out in terror for his own life. Sometimes he was fearing for his life being taken by the Red Army, sometimes he feared getting killed by the SS for sparing the life of Russian soldiers and civilians. In either case, he was scared for his life 24/7. And screaming, all the time. "Not me! Not Herr Barian! Please, please, please not me!" It fucking scarred me for life. I will never forget the second-hand terror I experienced. Now imagine _how HE must have felt._
I remember once I was listening to a Call Of Cthulu campaign podcast, and honestly it felt like something very similar. In one of the cells, there was a man who kept saying "The Egypt, the Egypt is in this room, I can hear the Egypt, where is the Egypt", and I got reminded of this at the start of stage 4, honestly. It's unsettling.
thank you for sharing this experience, I hope you are doing well mentally now and I hope that gentlemen is doing well somewhere in the distant positivity
i also worked in a nursing home through college, from 16 to 21, and there was also an entire ward for the dementia patients, The first time I went up there there was this old man laying his chair, screaming "help me! help me! I CANT SWIM!" over and over again. Another man would walk from his chair to the refrigerator in the dining room, and open it and close it. All day. There were moments of clarity that actually were worse than the terror. The human person inside would occasionally rise to the surface. I remember vividly this old lady waking from her delusion, grabbing my arm, and whispering to me, "please, please, I want to go home." Absolutely haunting. At that point i would prefer death.
What I kept recalling throughout listening to this album is what my grandfather said when he first started showing signs of memory loss. He refused to take his medicine (not that it would help much, there is no effective medication for dementia). He said "It's natural to forget things. You'll know when you're my age" That's the last time I remember hearing something "new" from him. It's all been the same childhood stories ever since. I wonder if he is or was scared. Lonely. I never realized until now, but... he's dying.
the fear of forgetting versus the fear of being forgotten. you're locked in a cycle of not even knowing yourself and the people around you. you forget both no matter how hard you try, no matter how many traces linger in the memory of your bones, no matter the signs all around you. the static grows louder until it clears for a moment of clarity before it ends. (this project is actually so beautiful)
My best friend that I ever had experienced an onset of schizophrenia at 19, and lost his personality and perception of the world almost entirely. He was replaced by somebody else. I remember struggling so hard with it, and panicking and severing connections with him after his family moved him away. The closest way I could describe my feelings of this was to tell people it felt like he died. This was five years ago. Reading your words here today struck something in me and I started crying. I think you captured my thoughts and emotions on this experience perfectly. Cherish the moments with the people that you love. Don't waste time. You don't know how much of it you actually have.
@@trec713 i’m so sorry you had to experience that. i’m sure you must’ve felt extremely horrible. i really hope it gets better for you. i really do. i know i can’t do much through a computer screen, and i may not be able to relate as i’ve never gone through that. things will be ok. stay strong.
It's worse than a horror movie, it's...how do I explain? A horror movie will effect you while it's running, but once it's over and the credits roll, it's over. You may feel some residual anxiety, but for the most part once it's done, it loses its hold on you. But this? This...will never leave me. _This will never leave me._
Its so much worse, its like a nightmare where you can almost run but you cant. Almost see, almost think. But at the same time its so far away. That truly haunts me
last year i made one of my projects (a presentation of a topic of our choice) in ELA about EATEOT. My teacher's father has dementia and seeing her cry while i talked about this was truly heart shattering. she would always talk about her father, talk about how he broke his foot and took the cast off forgetting completely about the fall. it was devastating to hear the stories of her father that he himself will never remember. i love coming back to this every chance i get, listening to it while scrolling through the comments is both such a grounding and utterly devastating experience. I hope my teacher is doing great, was planning on emailing her later today.
Its unnerving, the most terrifying and heart wrenching thing i’ve ever heard, listening to it makes me pause and think about memories I had long forgotten. It genuinely scares me, there is a feeling I can’t quite place in the pit of my chest, its like my chest is freezing and twisting uncontrolably. Its an unorthodox loop of memories that have come and gone, times I wish I had spent with people that valued my time and being, times I wish I hadn’t cried, all in one song, one stage.
@@lcdream4213 The entire video is about the stages of dementia, the final stage is “without a discription” because at that point, in the final stage, everything that you once knew, anything you could have done or explained, is gone. You don’t recognize anything but a hazy memory that doesn’t seem quite right, so, if you put yourself into the music, and you would go with it, you would see and feel the fear and the feeling of loosing all of your memories. You would forget how to describe simple things, hence, “Post Awareness Stage 6 is without description” In this stage, you can only hear fragments of notes, distant footsteps, and white noise. The picture only emphasizes the emptyness, a blank canvas. The video makes you think, well, it makes me think, and being a good visualizer, it makes it more surreal. I hope this helped
@@themylce3448 dementia is basically mental torture, you retain all your memories but can’t see them. You’re confused by the masses, everyone around you, you can’t recognize. I read a comment about their neighbor having such a bad case of dementia they nearly got shotgunned because the neighbor didn’t recognize them anymore Trust me it’s sad
@@themylce3448 your brain is literally rotting, you’re slowly dying and it’s not like you forget everything at once actually it would be less painful like that
5:51:00 this feels like an acceptance stage. Your memories are scrambled together and constantly trying to untie themselves while you relinquished trying to make sense of it. But even after giving up your bran subliminally tries to get things in order leading to a strong background noises.
“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty now that they're gone.“ -The Shawshank Redemption
About a year after my great grandpa got dementia, I remember walking into his room at the nursing home once to see him holding his phone, saying “Joe, why won’t you pick up?” And dialing the same number over and over and over again. I said hi to him, and he said, “Oh, hello. Have you spoken with Joe recently?”. I didn’t know who Joe was, but when my Mom came into the room, she pulled me aside for a second. “Joe was the one who set him and your Great Grandma up in their first date, and he was Grandpas best friend”. I asked why he wasn’t answering grandpas calls then, and she told me that Joe had been dead for ten years. And in the next few weeks before he died, he spent hours a day calling Joe over and over again. I visited him often, and we would sit there while he told me about Joe, but every minute or two he would come across a part of a story that he didn’t remember. he would stop and get this confused expression on his face, and then he would look at me and say “Oh dear. Oh, dear.” Then he just continue. The one thing he never forgot was me and my sisters Hershey kisses. Every time we had ever visited him, at least since we were old enough, he would give my sister and i one Hershey kiss each. At his funeral my mom gave me his bag of Hershey kisses, told me to take as many as I like. I took one. I still have that Hershey kiss, sitting in a little jar. I like the think that he’s still there, in that little Hershey kiss. I miss him. I really do miss him.
@@legallyrequired The worst part it's that the best part. We are nothing, we are our memories and when we die memories will too, so our existence will be nothing. Nothing to nothing, even if we became someone important to humanity, universe will die too, atoms will be nothing. The whole universe will became nothing "again" and then maybe there will be another universe ir maybe the universe is just a golrified loop and things will happen again for eternity. Fact is we both will not know because we were born in a time where those things i speaked about is just "teories" But hey! Don't be depressed over "nothing" lol
@@tsu177 and what if you will know about it? as i know there is a lot of poetry based on thinking how light is black dirt (idk if i used the right word) so you should definitely read that. it gave me chills i hope you'll feel the same :)
"Death is a Transition into something beautiful, we may never know what's on the otherside, perhaps we just take a leap of Faith, and trust whatever is on the otherside, come, don't be scared, we all die deaths, bleed the same blood, breathe the same air, but my friend in the following weeks, days, Years and months, i want you to know your life is as precious as the air we breathe, important like the water we drink, we are cosmic wonders, formed by the Very Creator of the Universe, if he is out there, But you and i both know that one of these days, we'll die, some may not be as peaceful as others, but know this, even if you forget yourself, and even if you forget everything and everyone you once knew, remember that atleast, you were loved, and you knew that, and that you gave others countless memories, even if you forget it yourself, love yourself, because one of these days, we'll never know if we could love ourselves and others one more time, Before it's too late. -Your Pal, Me.
Could you just imagine waking up in a strange location just, not knowing where you are, who you are, who you know, who you love? That's terrifying as shit.
Brother/sister, you don't wake up suddenly like this, your memories slowly extinguish like a lighter slowly losing more and more fuel, producing more sparks than flames at times and becoming increasingly slower. At least thats how it felt with my granny..
@@k1ll3r-xza thats what is honestly the scariest abt it but when it comes to that stage, i think that those afflicted, tho unknowingly, try to combat it at first but eventually give in and go through that terrified but not surprised
this is my worst fear in the world, losing all of my memories, everything, like someone cast obliviate and i've forgotten everything from myself, my family members, everyone i've ever met, everything i've learned, all the photographs i've taken...all gone
It's interesting to hear how the Heartaches melody get distorted the longer the piece goes on for. In the beginning it's a coherent melody but as the work goes on it becomes more fragmented and distorted
The tracks get longer in the forgetting stages, as if the days feel like they just started but also never end. Everything is quiet, it seems blissful but its truly painful and you can't do anything but wait for it to get worse. At the end of it all, there is just silence, with the slight hum of you trying so hard to stay above water, grasping to the last few memories you have or whats left of them and then it all fades away. I truly hope anybody suffering from such a horrible disease finds peace one day.
I feel like one day I will think "dementia is when you forget stuff" and then when I don't care about swearing I'll say something vulgar, and maybe I've thought this multiple times, I keep mentally active , and I'll fight it. Music, art, writing, reading, sculpture, socialize, game, puzzle. Then I'll forget why. Demontia is a worde. I'll do it for fun. I'll play my fav game again and forget what it was about. hat was it abot?
My grandma just told us that today is November 11, 2001. She congratulated my mom on the birth of my brother (who is now 19). Came here to think about that.
i haven't even gotten past the A album, and i'm laying in bed and crying my eyes raw. reading the comments makes my stomach hurt. every word i read brings another stab to my gut and my tears come rushing out quicker than i can handle. i'm not sure why i'm crying. i don't have a reason to. nobody in my family that i know close has had dementia or has died, even. there's not a single connection i've had to loss, lest you count the pets which i've moved on from in less than a handful of months. i've never had to deal with forgetfulness. it doesn't run in the family. my great grandmother, the oldest in my family, knows me well. she knows me by name, along with her siblings and children and grandchildren. my grandmother is in perfect health, my mother is nowhere near death. it's funny, i read somewhere once that ancient romans had hired people for funerals to mourn for the dead in place of the attendants. perhaps the mourners weren't genuinely upset for a death they had no connections to, but i feel like a mourner myself. every person i read the input of builds my realization of how vast the world is, how many different people with full lives suffer the same thing. it breaks my heart as if theirs was my own, as if i was with every person who had ever had dementia, as if i had eighty years of life on my sleeve and nothing to prove it for. it scares me. it scares me so much. i'd rather die young than forget. i doubt anybody will read this. i'm just a girl lamenting on to nobody about crying for other people's struggles without any of her own. it's pathetic. and yet, i cry.
My grandmother had a stroke when I was 10 that precipitated a slow fall into dementia. She died when I was 19, but she had died to me long before then. Now, at 35, finding this song I also find the grief I had buried.
My mom was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers. She was 50. She drove to work. She would sing. She made jokes. She was the light of my life. It's only been 5 years. She doesn't know where she is ever. Who we are. Who her grandson is. It's a disease that takes incredibly quickly and it gives nothing back. My little brother missed out on so many memories with her. And I feel robbed that now that I am old enough to appreciate her, I will never get to really have a conversation with her, as adults. I miss her but I can't even mourn her. She's still here. But she isn't.
a few years ago, my grandma was beginning to show signs of dementia and at first it was small things, like not knowing the name of something maybe once a day. 3 years later, after her husband died, it got way worse and now she barely knows her daughter, and doesn't know her sons at all, and it's really hard to watch. i try to be nice to her whenever i see her, as she only has a couple years left. i love her. her children do. and she's still aware of her issue, vaguely. stage 5 is coming soon i think. best of wishes to you man, i get how it feels. it sucks.
Jesus man, Alzheimer’s is a daily fear of mine even tho I still got (hopefully) another 31 years of shit still in my brain, it kinda haunts me. I hope we find a cure to Alzheimer’s or dementia soon. Best of luck to your momma.
People in the comments are saying they can't listen to this, I'm struggling to listen to it, I just hate it. Now imagine: you've been diagnosed with dementia, you feel the slow decline, it feels torturous. This project is only 6 1/2 hours long. The decline doesn't happen overnight. You would have to struggle through this for months, years, who knows how long. It would be unbearable.
Many say they hope to have enough cognitive function to pull the trigger on themselves if they found out they were entering the beginning stages of dementia. Would they be able to do it? Wouldn't that be as painful to end it right there, rather than ride your memories out to get the most out of your family's value, and treasure your time? It's a complicated struggle to go through, where you either wager your personal well being, or make sure to spend every aching minute with your beloved kin. I don't know if I had a point to make there. All we know is that we as individuals don't and never can know how it is until we personally get there. Nothing says creeping paranoia much like dementia.
I was listening to stage 4, not fully invested, and then I started hearing hints of a harmony again and I was like "oh, neat. The album's still got it!" And then I got sad because not only would I likely think this a few more times until it just stops, but also because I thought of how that would translate in dementia, that small glimmer of hope before reality sets in again
STAGE 1: Atmospheric and nostalgic 1930's ballroom music. Pleasantly airy and ghost-like. STAGE 2: Still the ballroom music, but it's warped and distorted, like trying to go back to stage 1, but can't seem to remember how to. STAGE 3: Music from Stage 1, but it's now repetitive and very distorted. Slowly forgetting memories of Stage 1. STAGE 4: Everything is choppy and incoherent, like skipping through channels on an old TV, or skimming through the radio. STAGE 5: Everything is fast and jumbled. No coherent rhythms or melodies. Crackling noise, like losing connection on a radio. STAGE 6: Nothing but silence and white noise. Everything is gone, all past, present, and future. Nothing remains, and the person can no longer distinguish anything, much less themselves. Consciousness is completely dead. everything is gone.
@@willalvarado209 haha yeah it's a pretty uncomfortable listening experience, but still a really interesting glimpse into the effects of dementia. definitely worth listening to.
If I am gonna lose my memories, I'd rather die sooner than live without knowing who anyone is. Feeling like the world is scary and new every 10 minutes. I can't even imagine, I don't want to imagine.
you’d hate a dmt breakthrough then, i thought i was trapped in a never ending loop of what hell would be like while my thoughts of myself and who i was quickly faded until the experience was nothing but what i could only describe and fear and unfamiliarity
I remember my grandma saying she doesn’t want to suffer such a fate as dementia, and I agree with her, I’m lucky to still have both my grandparents still both mentally well, and my condolences to anyone and everyone who has lost theirs to this horrible illness ❤
Listening to this while already having depression and on my period,has not been one of my more ingenious ideas but here we are,here we are…here we are…here I am,still here,despite all my past current and future pain,here I am
I know you don't know me, and this is probably stupid and unhelpful to say, but I just want you to know that I mean it when I say I'm really proud of you for still being here even after everything. I really hope everything gets better for you.
@Heybrine Yeah, it's Terrifying. My grandmother had Alzheimers and since I didn't visit her as much due to me living away a few hours, I didn't get to see her that often. I was the first one to be forgotten by her and that lasted throughout the last three years of her life of always asking me who I am whenever I came to visit.
it's funny how the earlier parts have so many chapters, and the late parts are long, uneasy segments. really hits home that once easily distinguishable memories melt together into an uncomfortable mess.
It's funny, your comment... Barely known, easily... *f o r g e t a b l e* haha! It's like it's, its- I KNOW! *I t s* *j u s t* *a* *b u r n i n g* *m e m o r y*
I hate that this comment was already liked for me, I knew I listened to the first 10 minutes before but I've been scrolling for half an hour and just now saw it again, feels really strange yet not
It also makes those later stages feel so much longer. All of the stages are roughly the same length, but as I listen to stages, 4 5 and 6, it just feels so stretched. Long. I think this can be taken both ways. It forces the listener to be in the present, just as all dementia patients are forced to be. They can't recall anything, they can't make plans for the future. They are forcibly stuck in the present. I also feel like this is meant to symbolize the long, long process of seeing one of your relatives fall to this disease. The first 2 stages could be mistaken as memory loss and motor control loss due to old age, and those times seem to go by so quickly before you realize that there is a problem. Stage 3 comes around and it feels just as fast, but you know there's a problem now and the air is melancholy. Past that, though, and days for those caring for the dementia patient can feel long and tiring. You see slightly more decline every day, every week, every month, every year, until the person is trapped under layers of fog, most likely never to return.
I literally cry at the second fucking song every time I hear it. I had to concentrate my entire being to forget what it sounded like and now I'm back. Goddammit
I have now reached the peak of this video's highest mountain. The long decline is about to be finally over as the place in my world fades away. Utterly silence, I tell you. Many emotions surfaced inside as I listened to it once more. Album 1 - Album 6. Finally, it is done. I'll tell you this. Album 6 is much scarier than all of the 5 Albums combined. It is the complete silence that terrors me. Never have I wanted to hear a sound even if it was a wailing death cry from a dying person. It seems much more natural to hear that rather than to hear nothing at all. The suddenness sound whenever there's no sound, it makes me happy but then it terrifies it as it echoes away from me. It seems light is flickering and wavering as the seconds go by. I'd rather be alone than to be nothing at all. At least in that regard, I have myself. But to nothing, it means absolutely null. I have truly ascended from being a pitiful person to being a scared individual from the unknown of one's self predicament. Anything that is horrific is much more beautiful than the bountifulness of nothing. Something is scary but nothing is more horrifying. But the angelic voices.... they were beautiful to hear as if saying that the suffering of dementia is finally over. It made me wanna cry for the dementia victims who have suffered for all this time. It's beautiful, altogether satisfying. I love it. I love this album so much! I love the creator who made this. I love everything about this. I love it. - Sid.
This comment is making me so emotional omg :(( I hope you’re okay man, this is one of my favourite videos maybe ever and watching other people discover it is simultaneously the best and worst thing ever because I know how truly harrowing it is I love it sm
He knows he loves her, but doesn’t know why. He gets up and makes his bed, but asks who made it. He eats and drinks, but it’s his first time He walks around his house, but hasn’t he been here before? He dances with her to their song, but he can’t remember the next move. He pets his dog on the back everyday, but the feeling is always new. He sits in his room and thinks about his child, until he looks at a picture and sees 2 others he didn’t know he had. He hums his favorite tune, but will never know the name to it. He lays down for sleep, but whats the point? He just woke up after all
My grandpa passed away last September from complications due to dementia. In his final days he barely knew how to eat or swallow and he slowly faded out and died peacefully in his sleep. It always pained me seeing him so confused as to who me and my family were. However, he did seem to have a faint recognition of my mom when he said he loved her one last time. Going to his house after he died broke my heart knowing he was gone but I’m at peace that he’s with my grandma now.
Before I started listening to this, I was mentally not okay. I was just extremely dissociated. I came across a video which reminded me of this album. I've always been interested in the human mind and how it works. I never new much about dementia, I knew it was the memory degrading, but never put much thought into it. I sat down and listened to this at around 3am. I was enjoying the first stage, brought me out of the state I was in, then the 2nd, I thought it was also really good, the 3rd... I knew something was wrong... but I didn't know what. Then the 4th, I realized that it is so much more, the horrors of this disease, I started reading the comments, so many people have seen this happen. the 5th was just be wasting time with it in the background, periodically thinking of how bad it would be to experience this. When the 6th came, I didn't know what to think. It was just silence, the silence of the mind just trying to hold on to anything left. Then, Terminal lucidity. It was the death, the grand finale, what the brain could amalgamate from the recesses of the broken mind. What's left of the terror from the void expanding. Then... nothing. The last 5 minutes was the worst part. During all of this, I think I've found my worst fear. I never cared about being forgotten, but forgetting everything, is SO much worse. After it was all over, I listen back to A1. I almost cried, and I don't cry much. Thinking back to the final stages, that fact that this song was apart of what was disfigured, reconstructed, and forgotten, it was horrible. The fact that I could listen back, and someone who experiences this cannot, makes it so much worse. It was good though, but almost had an existential crisis.
Hey Grandpa, do you know who I am grandpa> No I don’t who are you young man? I’m your grandson grandpa> oh really? I’m glad you’re here (5 minutes later) Hey grandpa do you want tea? grandpa> who are you young man? this was a true story, at the time I would find it annoying but now I miss my grandpa. Moral of the story: cherish your elderly before it’s too late
Your grandpa love you more, than life. This is most important thing. No matter how sad you are, remember that he continues to love you while in heaven. Now he is healthy, and wishes you to take care of your health and be happy. I think that would be his will.
I just watched a 2 hour changed video, no Skip able ads, no stops, no sponsor breaks, no blurring, no music, no anti NSFW, no nothing. It was garoshadowscales. I need this. Pray for me. This is the only thing comforting.
But the more I think about it the scarier it seems im just a child and...... I'm sacred of all the stuff that my life has to offer me bad or good I'm.... Scared
it’s crazy everyone is talking about how they feel listening to it, it’s only six hours, imagine this strung out across the remaining years of your life
@@pittolikeditto well in a sense time is real. Time is a construct to wrap our brains for a period of it. Time is a length that needs to be overcome by barriers to stay afloat. Hence why nothing is the same length (60sec,60 min, 24 hours) its all just to help us understand the world better in a way that makes sense. The fact that this whole album could be a throwback to the 1930's really puts you in a loop thinking you are also 80+ years old which is the starting signs. If we didn't have those times to calculate we wouldn't understand anything. So even though time itself doesn't exist it exists in relativity.
Years ago in high school me and some friends decided to start listen to this at the same time when going to bed. I was planning on staying awake the whole time and experiencing it in full, but ended up falling asleep. I remember half-waking up like 4 hours later terrified and in a cold sweat and I ripped the headphones out of my ears. I remember hearing it in the back of my mind for several days after, and for years whenever I heard it I would have an instant reaction of goosebumps and skip straight past it asap.
ive never experienced forgetting something precious. basically, life. ive always forget small things, things like “oh, why did i come in here for?” or “did i do *this* or *that* yet?”. never anything tragic, huge, and desirable. it must be absolutely terrifying. especially losing it all slowly, and slowly, and slowly. till you feel like everything around you doesnt exist. your mind is so clueless, you feel dizzy, almost like the world is LITERALLY turning. i wish best for everyone that has dimentia.
when i was 16 i lost my grandpa to Alzheimer’s. as he descended, he was increasingly violent with my grandma and threw things at her, yelled, and broke things. he broke the handle off my dads truck with brute force thinking it was his, and he’d locked the keys inside. he was always a fun loving jokester, and on the same day he broke the truck he said his last words to me. “Cmere, imma rough you up a bit. Naw, i’m just kiddin’, i love you.” as he hugged me. the day before he didn’t even recognize me. i still remember that moment so vividly. the last thing my grandfather, a man i grew up knowing as a funny, loving role model, said to me. he was gone within a month. my sister was the one who went into the hospital room he died in, i couldn’t bare to. she said he looked so lifeless. empty. my mom used to call him ‘old man’ when she was dating my dad, and she said “bye, old man” before she left. she told me she could’ve sworn she saw his eyes smile. remembering him, i have one prominent regret. not spending more time with him before he passed. same with my grandma. i should’ve been there more to spend time with him before he went to meet his savior. listening to this, i can only imagine what my grandpa was feeling. i fear that is might run in the family. i fear for my father in his future. i fear for myself. i love you, grandpa. you lovable rascal.
Know that you aren't alone. There are others who have had similar experiences. I know that doesn't help much, but this is a fantastic place to find support in the form of casual conversation, if that's what you need.
My grandfather passed away from Alzheimers when I was around the same age as you. It was incredibly difficult to see such a brilliant person slowly disappear.
@@ransonvorpahl7468 right? you grow up with them in your life for so long, and you watch them deteriorate into something unfamiliar and inevitably pass. it’s heartbreaking
In fact, when you die, your mind is still alive for another 7 minutes replaying your best memories back when you were younger, and once the time is over, is when you die with your mind.
My dear uncle who passed 5 years ago ,had dementia for like 2 to 3 years it wasn't severe until his last year, we lived in different cities so when I came to visit him with my family after months he asked me to sit next to him he definitely didn't know me , he was acting like a calm child but one thing i can't forget ..his eyes were not the same ..they were empty ..like there's nothing in them ..that when i knew he was someone different and not the person I knew my whole life , they say the eyes are the window to the soul, since the soul is something more immortal and greater than we are as physical beings , I'd like to say that the eyes are the window to the mind , and when his mind was empty and blank his eyes felt lost.
I work at a retirement home and we have a wing specialized in dementia and Alzheimer's disease. Some of them are in the first phase and some are somewhere else. Hard to tell. There is laughs, screams, tears, life. They are people. You end up liking them, getting used to the disease, the habits. And sometimes, you have a day off. Then you are back and the person you were laughing with, talking, eventually cracking some jokes is gone. That person is right in front of you, clinically alive but looking into their eyes you must admit you lost them. They are definitely gone. Somewhere at the end of their own time..
My grandma has alzheimer (she made 98 years this week). the last time i saw her before the quarantine she was thinking that my dead grandpa was alive and that my Father still was a Child,Sometimes she packed her bags and start saying that she will go away because there was not her place. im brazilian so i apologize if i pronnuced something wrong
This album is horrifying, this is the first time I actually gave thought to the sheer terror of Alzheimer's or dementia. Losing who you are as a person just seems like such a terrible way to die.
