Are you considering crossposting VODs or Twitch clips on RU-vid at all? I'm very bad at watching streams in real time but would be interested in seeing bits of your streams.
@@MaeveGreising Likely not! Or at least not at the moment. She's said before that she enjoys the temporary nature of twitch vods. They're available on twitch to watch for several months after they're live though, and you don't even need an account to watch!
I remember when Charlie asked her fans to talk to her in public when they happen to meet and scream: "I found you Charlie!" and they would get a little pin. Turns out: Charlie has found herself. I am so happy for you!
I remember way back in the day, you were doing a Q+A and someone asked you what your name would be if you were born a girl, and you answered "Charlie." And I kind of love that it actually came to fruition. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.
I am so glad you are able to be yourself. I am the mom of a trangender girl. She always played female characters in video games. I guessed it was no surprise when she asked if I would mind if she wanted to be a girl. I have been a fan of yours since your Doctor Who days. Also we have the same birthday, October 1st. Happy birthday early.❤
When I was like 13 my best friend asked me to close my eyes and sit on my bed. I remember thinking “it would be okay if she kissed me right now. That would be fine.” I’m a lesbian now.
when i was 11 i was at my friends house and i lied on the bed and envisioned myself wearing a dress and i asked my friend if it would feel better to be/make love as a girl. Hi im a woman now :)
Omg similarly when I was 13 I asked my best friend to close her eyes and asked if I could “try something”. We kissed and she asked if we could “try again” so we did 😭 we’re also both gay now lol
I used to have a crush on one of my best friends and whenever she got a new boyfriend, I would be secretly pissed and telling her he’s not as cute as she thought or he’s not the right guy for her. Whenever she felt sad or she had issues, I would take that opportunity to hold her and talk to her. When I was with her, I often behaved like an annoying boy around his girl crush. Gosh I was so clueless back then… didn’t know gender identity was a thing. I’m now 99% sure that I should be transgendered, but I know my family will NEVER accept that and I honestly don’t want those hormone injections in my body. I’ve spent my mid-20s trying to understand my gender issues and now I’m still a very confused 30 y/o… I honestly wish I was just normal and not having to deal with this kind of crap.
This feels like hanging out with a friend whom I haven't seen in a long time. I'm so happy to hear that you are absolutely living your best life. Thank you so much for sharing your story, as it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Representation is incredibly important, and it looks like your experience is resonating with so many lovely people in the comments. You're a beautiful woman, inside and out. ❤️
Right! Charlie was one of the people who got me through high school, not necessarily in the deep and meaningful way, but by making me laugh and cheering me up. I watched her videos allll the time, constantly showing my friends, etc.
I just realized that your red hair is giving so much Amy Pond vibes, I love it! Thank you for coming back to my youtube inbox and sharing your story, I recognized a lot of my thoughts of denial in yours.
My super “trans in hindsight” moment came when I was 8 and I went to girl scouts camp. They told us to “bring a costume” with us to camp. My little sister wore our princess costume, and I told my parents I wanted to dress as a boy for my costume. Bless their hearts they were into it and I brought by closet drag to camp. We get to camp and it turns out it’s “countries of the world” themed and they assumed (correctly) that every little girl would come as a princess and we were going to have princess tea. I was the only kid there who didn’t bring a princess costume so it was 49 little princesses and me the 8yo drag king. We had to say what country we were the princess of, and I got to be the prince of Mexico (my favourite country at the time) and it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
I feel grateful that you are in a space to be vulnerable with us. I have followed you for over 15 years and each season and version of yourself that you've been in has inspired me. Thank you.
I'm guessing Birdy the Mighty Decode is on it. I LOVED it in college and in addition to the gender stuff it had really fantastically well-animated action and fight scenes!
i remember watching you when i was a teenager, now i’m a trans-activist in russia and work to stop the spread of HIV among trans people, especially those in sex work. i was so happy to see you back! and i’m so happy you continue making videos. being a public trans person is so difficult, i can’t even imagine, but i hope the voices of love and support drown out all the rest. you are amazing! thank you for sharing your life and thank you for being such a bright presence on the internet 💛 you are very loved 🥰
wow! what an amazing line of work. it must be very very fufilling. please be safe ❤ and take care. know you are doing the lords work (or whatever force of the universe you believe in or don’t!)
Charlie, I'm so glad to see you again. You were such a warm, wholesome corner of the internet, and you still are. I'm so happy to see you happy, and I hope all your days are filled with endless joy and love forever. Love you so much, and thanks for being such a soft person who feels like a friend. 🥰
I'm ace, which I realized in my early 20s. I had my first boyfriend at about 15, and one day at school this girl I kind of knew was talking about how my boyfriend was cute and that she thought it'd be nice to kiss him. I responded by saying "ew". Out loud. About my own boyfriend. Needless to say she was pretty confused by my reaction. I still laugh thinking about it.
I learned about possibility of being ace in my late 20s. I am not sure what type of ace I am, also that I might be demi- romantic a bit. Growing up I felt so weirded out that people start dating just based of looks and then properly learn about the other person. I always felt like I really need to know the person to be comfortable. I think tho I did have sort of crush on some boys... tho hard to say, always wanted to draw people I liked... not kiss or anything... Gosh I hate that I got sucked into that idea that being single is miserable and that I am not hitting the milestones I should have... and went along with it before I learned there is more possibilities....
God if that ain’t a mood. lol (I’m ace as well 😊) I wasn’t particularly repulsed by the idea of kissing my first (mostly long distance) boyfriend for the first time, though. In fact, I had been hyping it up a ton in my head. But then, when we finally kissed, I felt… nothing. No disgust, but no spark or fireworks or anything like that either. It was just a press of lips, nothing more. Needless to say, I was quite upset at the time, since I loved everything else about my boyfriend. After he had gone home, I even cried about it to my mom, because I felt broken. That was back when I was 18, though. I realized I was ace when I was 29 (at literally a week away from my 30th b-day), and it’s honestly been a _huge_ relief since. (Though, I’m still biromantic, and it would still be nice to find a partner who just likes to cuddle, play video games together, and have deep philosophical conversations about the universe. 😅)
You were one of my early RU-vid days favorites (you still are). And after learning about this makes me just so damn proud of you. You are one of the reasons I am a RU-vidr now. Love you
I was raised as a girl. I dressed up as a man for Halloween when I was 15 and went trick or treating with a bunch of dudes. At one house I was the last to approach and the Mom-type asked me what my costume was. I told her and she yelled “oh!!” like I had startled her. As I walked away I felt this warm comforting feeling spread all over that someone thought I was absolutely no doubt, a boy.
i had very similar experience with my bisexuality. middle school crushed were coming up and a time i said “i find boobs fascinating but that doesnt make me gay”
I spent so many years being confused because I knew I was NOT gay lol. I grew up in a very religious society, so I had never heard about bisexuality until I met a girl who was bi when I was 16. She told me what it meant and I was like "omg everything makes sense now"
when i was in 5th grade i remember some boys asked the teacher why boys/men find boobs so appealing. and my teacher told them ‘it’s because they don’t have them’. (which i now know isn’t true in many ways). but i just remember being confused because i felt that way about boobs as well 😭 but i was too afraid to say anything
I'm 32 now and I watched you as a teenager. I was browsing trying to find some of the vloggers I grew up watching to see where everyone was. This was the most pleasant surprise to find. I'm overwhelmed with happiness for you.
Still not fully sure of my identity but I remember seeing some kind of wedding commercial as a kid, with a bride and groom in it, and wishing I could marry a woman instead of a man lol. I was so young at the time I didn't know queer people existed or that some people did indeed have partners of the same gender.
I don't think I have any stories to share, but I just want to say it's so nice seeing you in my subscriptions again! It's like getting to see a friend I haven't seen in YEARS and I'm glad you're back.
I was watching Dan and Phil's video where they're playing a game with Charlie and PJ. I knew I recognized you, figured out from where about 10 minutes in, immediately became super overwhelmed with all the proud and happy feelings and ran off to find your channel again that I hadn't been to since I was a teenager. You living your truth makes me so incredibly happy for you
I am literally here because I just watched that video, heard Charlie speak, went "wait...." and hit the googles. A little cross with myself that I somehow didn't learn about her transition until just now, but! Seeing someone I admired a lot when I was young being in such a better place is so wonderful and I'm gonna be smiling about this for days.
I grew up confused that I thought women and men equally attractive and everyone else around me only liked the opposite gender. I also liked being mistaken as a boy but also being called a pretty girl. Turns out, ✨bisexual and nonbinary✨ It's amazing getting to hear your story, thank you for sharing
I assumed everyone was bi because there's no "gay gene" and I liked both the same... but I also felt like a freak because I was always grossed out by the "adult" stuff... Turns out I'm a panromantic asexual who's also nonbinary 😂 As a kid I would cry because I hated being a girl but knew I didn't want to be a man so I thought I'd be miserable forever. I've felt so much better and more understood since discovering you can just say "screw the binary!" ❤
I remember thinking that your song “I am me, you are you” felt very conflicted and it also felt very real. I’m not trans, but I know finding your true self is hard for a lot of us. I am so happy to see you again and I love seeing you smile. Be well and truly DFTBA
Thinking ppl could only be gay or straight, and I liked boys. But saying to my friends A LOT in high school that I wished I was lesbian. Thinking that the outside world thought my closest friend and I were a couple and me wanting to play into that in front of people by holding her hand…Took me till I was 21 to finally get told by a friend “I think you are bi, and that’s ok.” It’s crazy how clearly you can see things once you have owned your identity. Cheers to being more you!
Once you have your own identity and once you learn there isn't just one box: straight and being what your genitals dictate. I remember not even considering I was a lesbian because lesbians weren't a thing in my life. I knew none personally. There weren't any in media (this was before Ellen), so it wasn't something real or possible. Despite knowing 100% I had no interest in boys while my peers were obsessed with them. I had to be straight cause straight is what everyone is! Thank god for the internet opening this door of awareness for kids years earlier than the door was opened for those who came of age before.
The Shania example was very relatable in the sense that I was so afraid to sing If I Were A Boy by Beyoncé out of fear of people somehow connecting me singing a wildly popular song to the secret thoughts in my head that I'd never said out loud
As the "girl twin" with a "boy twin" brother, I had a lot of gender stereotypes thrown at me my whole life. My things are pink, his are blue. But we didn't always confirm in nice little boxes. When our parents got me a toy kitchen and him a toy seesaw for Xmas, we literally crossed paths and ran to the other one's toy. He always enjoyed bringing his dinosaurs to my dollhouse (honestly, so did I, so much more interesting). And because I was a little tougher than him, our peers would often comment that I acted more like a boy and he acted more like a girl. Neither of us is trans. But comments like that did upset me and make me question what I was. I remember being really relieved and happy to get my period (besides disliking the cramps and mess, obviously) because I wanted confirmation that I was, am, will always be female. I think we always know who we are down deep, we just have to listen to ourselves and reject the noise. Glad to see you being you, Charlie
Yep! Not only are these stereotypes hurtful for trans people, but they're hurtful to cis people too! I was always more of a "tomboy" and because of that I was raised to think femininity was disgusting or wrong. So I would wear baggy tshirts to hide boobs, would even call myself boy names and play pretend as a boy a lot. Kids need to be told its okay to be a girl and like "masculine" things, and that it's okay for boys to like "feminine" things.
@@MWBlueNoodlesActually, most children go through a development stage where they question their gender identity, usually right before or during cmthe initial stages of puberty. A great majority pass through it and affirm their birth assigned gender.
I also grew up enjoying “boys toys”, wearing “boy shorts”, literally a tomboy as a teenager, but I was never attracted to girls or thought of the possibility of being a boy 🤷♀️ as an adult I still feel like I’m more male than female, but I’m ok with that, I found contentment being like that.
That must have been hard for you. I have two months old twins, boy and girl. Even though my husband and I are very open about our dislike of throwing gender stereotypes at your kids, people always get us (and we're so thankful for all the presents) blue and red stuff and things like that. It's like it should be even more obvious which gender they are because they are a boy and a girl. But why 🤷🏽
We should get rid of the concepts of femininity and masculinity in the first place. We wouldn’t have to ‘trans’ our gender, if we could be whatever we like regardless of what our sex is. As a woman from Korea where transgender is a less familiar concept, it just makes me sad that people will have to take pills and change their physical features because their characteristics do not match the social norms of being a woman or a man. Sad. Be whatever you like; don’t go through surgeries and negate your biological sex. A woman is a woman, and a man is a man.
I very similarily wrote a script that in hindsight should probably have been titled 'Egg'. I spent six years researching the trans community but was CONVINCED I was an outsider just trying to do due dilligence and learn what I could for research purposes... Three years of HRT later I've become the woman I always wanted to be. Glad you're well, Charlie :) x
When I was like age 8-12 I had a pixie cut and got called both a boy and girl with astonishing regularity. It never bothered me, I thought it was really funny. A lot of me realizing I was non binary was me trying to get back to how people saw me as child because it was the last time my body felt like home to me. I’m happy to say I’m working on making my body feel like home again
At one point in my early 20s I worked as a server. We all had the same uniform regardless of gender; black button up, black jeans or dress pants, black no slip shoes and an apron. I already knew I was bi/pan, and had been keeping my hair short since age 13. At that point in time I had a particularly queer undercut. I went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, a mom and young girl came in to use the bathroom. As kids that young often do, she “whispered” to her mom (at full volume) “mommy, is that a girl?”. The mother was mortified, profusely apologizing and saying I was a beautiful young woman, telling her daughter girls could have short hair too, etc etc. I left the bathroom giddy, and just… could not explain to my work friend what about it made me so happy. Every time I tried to, the explanation just didn’t seem to fit or feel right. Years later, I came to terms with the fact I’m non-binary and gender fluid. I identify as a woman, but also as agender. I never liked being mistaken for a boy, which didn’t happen terribly often and was usually the work of bullies intentionally misgendering me in middle school for my short hair. But having someone be pretty sure I was a girl, but still have some level of doubt? Gender euphoria.
When I was a little girl (ftm here) I would wear my wellies 24/7 because I hated real shoes. Until my dad as a joke called me "Rubber boot Jack" Then I would wear them to be called Jack 😂
Not me being distracted throughout the whole video by how pretty you look. Absolutely obsessed with your hair color and how well it matches your lipstick and how nicely both harmonise with the black of the shirt and necklace 😌
The joy I got when we were not limited by gender for hair and clothes in New Leaf was also one of my clues to being Nonbinary! Also that I was never bothered when people referred to me as a woman but got a gleeful joy out of people confusing me for a boy or a man.
usually when someone comes out as trans, I'm like 'oh! ...okay yeah that checks out'. with you there was no 'oh!' stage lol. I wouldn't have guessed it specifically, but somehow I was completely unsurprised.
I went cold turkey from Charlie 5+ years ago to Charlie now, and if I may say so it is instantly obvious that this was the real Charlie all along. I've never seen her look more comfortable being herself.
I absolutely thought this too! I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, but as soon as I started watching videos with her now, I just thought "she looks so much more comfortable now"
Literally tho i think back to the time I met Charlie in person at a meet and greet and the picture we had together you can see how she’s kind of shrinking into herself like she was definitely as friendly and polite as an introverted adult talking to a teenager could be LOL but thinking now I’m like that’s the Charlie who had things she was working out and this is the Charlie who is doing the things she was working out and I’m very happy for her
"If you wondering if I wore mums lipstick as a child" Charlie, you were once entirely purple. You're never gonna surprise me after that video. (also so nostalgic seeing you with red hair, her hair shines bright once again!)
Thank you for this video, Charlie. It wasn't until a close friend of mine came out as trans at age 22 that I realised just how much diversity there is within the trans experience. The 'I knew I was really a boy/girl from the age of three' perspective is entirely valid, but it's far from the only one. I think it's what we see portrayed in the media the most because it seems straightforward and is easier for cis people to connect with. In my friend's case, he doesn't actually have any regrets about being 'born female' as he puts it, because it meant he escaped the very rigid definitions of masculinity in our society and had the ability to decide what it meant to be a man for himself. It meant he was encouraged to pursue a wide range of hobbies as a child because 'girls can do anything', whereas many boys as still discouraged from building an interest in stereotypically 'feminine' activities.
As a trans man, I am so happy to see that this comment section is so supportive and kind, including the cis people commenting. I see so much hate for trans people all over the internet these days and it’s really sad. I love cis allies! you guys are goated ❤ it’s good to see ya!
@@brett6905lmao no one asked or cares. if tolerance is that triggering to some, they should get help since it’s clearly a useless power struggle. we don’t care about ur shit justifications for being hateful. being uncomfortable isn’t an excuse to harass others who haven’t even asked to be accepted by them. trans people have never cared about cis peoples opinions. they’ve ALWAYYYS been hated. by white people anyway.
@@brett6905and JK rowling is a huge racist AND says violent nasty things. if you think that’s the only reason, you’re just hopping on a bandwagon lmao. jk rowling should’ve been quiet with her hate if she couldn’t handle the heat. again, no one cares whether you people like trans people or not. just don’t go around trying to convince others you people aren’t so bad lmao when that’s clearly not the case. the cognitive dissonance is real
when my best friend got her first girlfriend I was extremely angry and I think she thought I was jealous but I was confused why anyone wanted to date "at our age" (we were 18 lol) and why she would prioritize anyone else over me when she'd known me longer. Anyway I'm now very ace. I still don't fully accept myself as aro, but I'm starting to see it as a possibility. Videos like yours, despite having different journeys, are so uplifting. Thank you 💕
I'm not sure about my sexuality but when something similar happened to me, it was the most confusing time. I also grew up and lived in a very religious area, but I never was religious myself. When my friend started staying out more and more with her new "friend", everyone guessed what was going on. She still says I was the first to know. I didn't know. I just assumed she found a better friend than me and now I'm slowly losing her. I was too busy battling my feelings to start start assuming (I usually don't assume anything unless people tell me directly anyway), or even to realize that I didn't like her partner because of the glaring red flags, not because of their sexuality. Its always been weird to me how whenever I make a close friend, everyone assumes I'm dating them. This situation and some surrounding context lead me to believe people may have a point, I just don't catch on.
this was such a lovely surprise to find after thinking "i wonder what charlie is up to" and searching for your channel for the first time in years. you are glowing and seem so much more comfortable and confident in your own skin!!
Thank you for sharing your experience!! I remember telling a friend I was considering using she/they pronouns. The friend immediately started testing it out for me, and I started weeping at the gender feels of "they." So grateful for storytelling and its ability to give a voice to these feelings!
“You need to be able to love yourself” Dear Charlie, you saved me back them with this song. I feel that I owe you so much and I’m just a Brazilian girl who you’ll never notice. But I’m really happy for you accepting yourself cause that’s one of the most hard thing to do. You look like you’re in your true skin now and you’re a stunning woman ❤
NB here! One of my clues was watching Ouran High School Host Club and being so captivated by Haru and the way that everyone was so drawn to her. I was absolutely obsessed with the show and cried for days after finding out the show was cancelled. I wasn't even really that invested in any of the romance
I always selected the 'boy' gender option in video games, and it's totally because I was just such a cool tomboy who was so quirky and different and not because of anything else......
I remember coming out of my 'not like the other girls' phase when I realised other girls were just as cool and interesting as me. Then I started panicking because I had no reason to say I was different to girls any more 😂 (spoiler: not a girl at all)
@@Nat_778 omg same! I had such a 'not like other girls' phase and coming out of it was like yeh you aren't like girls but not for the reasons you thought lol
My obvious enby moment was when I was around 10 years old. I knew that people could be transgender and I knew I didn't feel right as my assigned gender. Then I thought hmm, this gender is wrong, but... the other is also wrong... so I guess I'm not trans and just weird. Would have helped a lot if I had known there was a secret third option!
Same here! im bisexual and nonbinary, when i found out i didnt have to chose between which gender i wanted to be or love, its like everything finally made sense
When I was at film/animation uni my teacher told us that we wouldn't understand our own short films until years later. They were about something inside us we hadn't fully worked out. Being young we thought that was ridiculous. Well several years pass and ... she was right (I thought mine was about butterflies, turns out it was about how shitty relationships were holding me back. I actually don't like showing people that film now because it feels SO personal). So I feel a LOT of solidarity with you about your film!!
I watched you all the time growing up - i spent hours and hours watching and sharing your videos with my friends. As a queer person going through a similar journey of self-discovery, i have no words to express the joy i feel for you. The love and acceptance is so deep and i just wish i could hug you! Thank you, thank you for sharing your story and letting us know it is okay to be who we are ❤️
So this is new! I've not been an active fan the past couple years but this is exciting! Edit: so apparently I missed the actual reintroduction video 6 months ago, sorry. Still excited though
I relate to the ‘knowing a lot’ about the lgbtq community while not wanting others to know just how much you’ve researched & how personal that research process felt. I used to watch coming out videos on here and cry, thinking I was just a good ally lmao. Also, your hair is so pretty.
Ah yes, the "ally" to queer person discovery journey! I'm glad that the queer community places around me as a teen were very welcoming to a "questioning" identity.
Thinking back to Duet With Myself makes me feel so much queer joy ❤ reframing it as learning to love a you that exists where people can’t see it and then being able to see Charlie finally share themself with all of us makes me so happy 🥰 we all contain multitudes and “you need to be able to love yourself”
I knew for 100% fact that I am cisfemale when I was given a pre-made male character for an RPG and felt *very uncomfy* until I asked if I could change the gender to female. The second I was told I could, I felt immediately better! The brain just... knows. You know?
Charlie, I started watching your videos in my last year of high school and I always felt like you created a safe space for me to embrace parts of myself that I felt I couldn't confront in my every day life. The energy you give is so warm and illuminating, I sometimes found myself returning to a lot of your videos for a comfort watch (especially the Bread song video!). You helped me feel comfy enough to learn so much more about myself and eventually I came out as gay. I'm super happy for you, and I wanted to thank you for all the loveliness and laughs over the years. I wish you well on your continuing journey!
i remember always paying attention whenever one of my high school classmates laughed because i thought she had the prettiest laugh but back then i thought that was a very normal straight thing to do. i’ve now realised im a lesbian and i definitely had a huge crush on her.
I finally figured out I was Panromantic when I was thirty and I now keep having little flashbacks of my childhood realizing 'oh wait no I didn't have a friend crush on that girl, I just had a crush on her.' It's like playing Where's Waldo (or Wally if you're British😅) with myself. It was difficult to tell at the time that they were crushes though because I'm also demisexual so they never came with sexy thoughts, just a want to hug them and spend all my time with them.
hey it's been about a year for me too! funny how that works, i had the same experiences both with having mixed feelings about being "misgendered" as a kid & with animal crossing, including detransitioning my character after one day out of embarrassment lmao. one of the more obvious signs i repeated missed entirely was the discomfort i felt hanging out with my mostly-male gaming group whenever someone would say something along the lines of "let's go, boys" and would stop to specify "and girl" for my sake. i imagine most people might find that considerate but it always drove me crazy. been watching you since way back in the day, i'm so happy to see you doing well.
Story time! This'll be fun and wild. A lot of people enjoy my story, so I like to tell it. =) I was pretty confident and okay with being a feminine guy before I turned 27. After breaking up with my ex of 8 years and moving back to the U.S. from Japan at the age of 24, I went to basic counseling for depression and co-dependence issues. A few years later, I met a girl online who said she'd never dated anyone before and we tried long distance dating. Two weeks later, she dumped me kindly with the sudden realization that she thought she might be a lesbian. She talked with me for a short bit afterward to help me feel better and I said something to the effect of "I wish I was a girl!" in desperation. The next day, I told my counselor about the breakup and, when I got to that part of the story, she stopped me. "Wait, back up. What did you say?" I was like, "Oh, I said it in desperation..." and she was like, "Most people don't say something like that, even in desperation." This topic came back up a few times over the next few weeks and she offered me a gender counselor and told me, if I'm not trans, that's okay, but _wouldn't I like to at least explore the possibility?_ I reluctantly took the offer. I remember feeling a bit upset about it. I kept telling myself, _"I'm just a feminine guy!_ So I go to the gender counselor, right? After several hour sessions of me coming back with a bunch of science tidbits I had learned through my own research about gender and sex (I'm a science communicator), but not budging on my wishy-washy insistence that I was a feminine guy, he tasked me with an experiment. He asked me to write in a notebook, skipping lines per point, a bunch of things I could remember from three separate categories: 1) Things I liked/liked to do that _I_ thought were feminine (the whole "boys can play with barbies, but barbies are still seen as feminine" thing). 2) Things other people around me have said about me breaking gender expectations/roles/etc. (ie. friends thought I may be gay growing up, even though I very clearly liked girls) 3) Moments growing up where _I_ thought being a girl might be nice (breakup moment aside). I filled up three pages of an 8'x11' notebook, thinking "Oh, I already know I'm a feminine guy, but only three pages in one night? That's a bit underwhelming. I guess that's as far as I go then." I was fully prepared for this to be the end. When I brought it in the following week, my gender counselor stared at the notebook in awe. "Oh, that's a big notebook." "...Oh, three full pages? Most of my clients fill up one, one and a half, maybe two pages if they stretch it out..." "......Oh, you wrote front and back, too..." ".........Oh, I told you to skip lines per point to make it easier to read, but... well, your handwriting is very neat, so it's fine, but you didn't do that. This is more like 5-6 pages." "............Oh, you did this all in a single night? You didn't have to think hard to remember anything?" I was in shock and disbelief. I had side-smacked my own gender counselor with the sheer volume of stuff that had been stuck in my head for years while I was in denial. I distinctly remember him setting the notebook face down on the table and trying to compose himself before turning to me and asking, "Well, what do you think?" Yeah, it hit me hard. I burst out in tears and bawled that "I'm a girl!" He gave me a look like, "Oh, you poor creature". My friends and family who always thought I was gay were right, but for all the wrong reasons. My life was crashing down around me. It took me several months before I finally took my decades-long crossdressing hobby (Oops! Did I conveniently leave that part out for dramatic effect? Ahaha.) and socially transitioned for real. It hasn't been easy, but it's been almost 5 years since. I feel like a huge part of my childhood was robbed from me by my own denial. But this really is who I am, and my confidence in being a woman now utterly drawfs my insistence that I was just some feminine dude from before. A reminder that, yeah, some things really are still better late than never! P.S. - That experience is very nicely designed. Even if you know who you are now and your journey is past you, try it for fun! Each bullet point references a different aspect we know about socially constructed "gender" today: the gender expectations and roles we understand and express, the gender expectations and roles others make up and assign to us, and our own identityーthe comfort we have in knowing who we are and want to be. In the end, our identity is the crux of our gender, but the former two aspects of gender can inform us of why it matters to us. It's not so much how many pages of a notebook you can fill up as it is how important each piece is to you. Have fun! ^^
I couldn't be more moved and emotional watching your videos, this one especially. You are probably the first youtuber I followed and meant so much to me and my friend, we would make little parodies on your songs after school and dreamt of doing youtube ourselves. I've realised almost ten years ago that I'm bisexual, but somehow this month I'm grappling with questions about my sexuality and gender (surprisingly to me), so watching this cozy comforting content from a familiar and loved person means the world to me. I hope I could continue to learn from you :)
Hi, Charlie!! First off, you look great! Second, I'm not trans but I figured out I'm autistic right before my 30th birthday. I've had similar moments of realizing why I identified with certain characters or did certain things. It's been a wild journey
As someone just coming out as enby, it is remarkable looking back at all the little clues that we could have listened to along the way. It's so much more freeing finally accepting those clues and paying attention to them.
When I was a kid I used to ask my mom if I was a boy, as an adult I am comfortable as a woman, but it’s absolutely normal for people to question their identity as they grow You can only make sure of something if you question it
Yeah, I think the "girls HAVE to like these things" and "ew gross that's girly" dichotomy in society really pushes a lot of gender non-conforming young girls to question themselves DEEPLY. In my 30s now, I'm comfortable as a woman who likes sports and skateboarding and scifi and video games and ballcaps AND dresses and nail polish. But as a child it was constantly "That's not lady like" or "those are for boys" or "you MUST be gay" (a whole other existential crisis causing debate). So I pushed away the "gross, weak" feminine things I DID like and embraced my masculine side. Only in my mid 20s did I realise I can embrace both.
You can’t identify as a woman, you’re either born female, or you’re not. If you produce sperm, you’re male. grow longer hair and get fake boobs, but that doesn’t change reality.
I'm so happy to see you on the platform again! You've really grown into your new look! Your hair looks so soft and pretty, it fits you very well :D Having more fashion styles to try out is also a nice perk, now that you're more comfortable being yourself so have fun exploring it ^_^
Charlie! First off it’s been a joy getting to see you make videos again, I remember how much I enjoyed your videos and concepts when I was a teen and it’s lovely being able to “reconnect.” I’m so glad you’ve been able to take some time and space to figure out who you are, and can’t wait to see what this new era will bring. Love the red, it suits your coloring! Maybe violet will be your next color lol.
The fact that I came looking for a video of you making tea the proper English way to show people what inspired me to want to make videos and this is the first video I see is very very relevant if you have a look at my first "let's try this" videos that I just had to make to see if people were interested.. I came looking after I accidentally earned a cent for talking in a debate I was invited to share my opinion in by someone who had seen what I'd posted and commented.. I will never not adore you, you honestly inspire me.
Your video came up on my RU-vid homepage and I felt gravitated to watch it, not realizing you was someone I used to watch when I was younger. As soon as the video started, I felt that you were familiar and it felt like my brain knew exactly who you were before I fully was conscious. It was like seeing an old friend. It's funny cause I've also transitioned, just the other way lol. I'm so happy to see where you are now and as others have said, it's so clear how much more at peace you are
Not Trans. But I always knew that I wanted to be a wife and a mom. And I know that that sounds like "Well duh, you're female, that's what you were socialized to want!" But honestly, I had a pretty non-traditional upbringing in a lot of ways that didn't really force me into that role. I grew up helping my Dad fix cars and visiting my lesbian plumber Aunt and watching my Mom do electrical work on our dryer. My Dad cooked and cleaned and managed restaurants. My Mom built shelves and managed a Black and Decker. I was homeschooled, and I could do and learn whatever I wanted. I was encouraged to shoot guns and use power tools and I had a whole bevy of female role models eschewing families and being successful, powerful women in their fields. And I tried to be all "I am a modern woman who will change the world!" But honestly, all I ever really wanted to do was hold babies and read Jane Austen novels and cook. I discarded the idea of living on the moon because how could I raise a family under such lonely conditions? I loved babysitting and taking care of my younger siblings. I am so happy with my life. I have an incredible husband and four beautiful children. I am not a "successful" woman. My Mom's sisters and friends bemoan all my "wasted potential." But I am HAPPY. I am being who I am meant to be. All I want is to pack lunches and snuggle my three year old and feed my chickens and stay up too late laughing with my husband.
Im a trans man! One of my favorite memories is when I was a kid my mom was brushing my hair. Out of nowhere she asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, very confidently, that I wanted to be a daddy when I grew up.
Charlie, I’ve been a fan of your channel for a LONG time and have to say, you just look so happy - genuinely happy. You are glowing, I’m so happy you’re living your authentic life, it suits you babe 💕
You were one of my absolute favorite RU-vidrs as a child! I started watching doctor who because of you. This makes a lot of sense to me ❤ I have recently discovered my identity as a trans man last year and I think watching your journey towards self discovery mirrored mine. ❤❤❤
i was telling my girlfriend the other day that soon after i learned what a lesbian was, i was obsessed with playing the game of life and putting two pink tokens into a car. only took me a decade plus to figure out i could be gay in real life, too 😅
I did similar stuff. I'd have this weird fluttering thrill go through me whenever I saw lesbian representation (e.g Willow and her girlfriend in Buffy lol, can't remember if the actress or the character is called Amber). I grew up hating romcoms or movies like The Notebook because I couldn't connect with that at all. Seeing the occasional WLW relationship in shows/movies would make me feel like a yearning sense of missing out. Still took me a while to figure this out 😂.
You are doing so much for people for allowing yourself to be perceived! Thank you for being so coollike❤ my "clues" stories about figuring out i was ace are v similar to other ace people - making up a celebrity/school crush so i could join in convos with my friends, and during a sex ed class when i was in my late teens genuinely thinking "oh i better concentrate cuz this will be relevant when i start feeling this when im older"👀👀👀 (everyone else had been feeling like that for years, i was so convinced they were lying😅😅
I relate so hard to having so many videogame-related "clues"---I remember forcing myself to play as Baby Peach in Mario Kart because I was scared someone would say something if I played as a "boy character." And then the relief when I finally let myself be Mario 😭
Love the video, Charlie. I completely understand why you haven't been too fast with making content. It's sad there are so many folks out there who don't understand. But keep up the great content, and never feel like you need to rush anything. Your mental health comes first. If you read this, hope you have a great day and I look forward to the next upload.
i recently cut my hair off. after years of trying to be pretty and feminine and be what society told me a woman should be. i cut my hair. many people made comments about the loss of my "beautiful' but i'm still beautiful. im my own definition of beauty. im finally living my truth, my non binary non feminine beautiful self. and i was watching the video on dan and phils where you played a game with them and it took me almost the whole video to realise who you were. then this video came up today and it was exactly what i needed. we only have to live our own truth. and be our own kind of beautiful
I think I am one of a bunch of us in the comments to say hey, I came back to Charlie, and turns out we're both trans! I love trading genders with people. For real, though, watching your videos as a young teen was hugely influential for me. I fell in love with music in a new way and tried way too hard to not think about gender for a while. Like, did I have a crush on a human person I had never met, or did I want to be like them? Terrifying thought for a 13-year-old. Intrinsically I knew I wanted to look more like you did at the time, but it was something I was scared to try. I only actually delved into playing with gender when I actually met a trans person for the first time, and realized that my discomfort with the whole shebang wasn't an isolated experience. My first time making a masculine player character was, embarrassingly, in Dragon Age Inquisition. I had a ton of fun being a gay little elf, but my main gripe was that I couldn't romance Varric, and thus began my real actual sexuality crisis as well. Anyway. I'm delighted to see you again, you look fantastic, I LOVE your hair, and it is so nice to see YOU!!
It's so fucking wild to me how awkward you came across when you were male presenting, and how different your energy is now. Yeah, you're older and probably more mature, but you just seem so more at peace. Your energy is COMPLETELY different. It makes me smile. ❤
I used to watch your videos all the time in highschool (i still rememeber many lyrics to your songs from back then too). I'm not sure why your videos slipped out of my sugguesteds but this video just popped up and blew my damn mind. You were one of my favourite people when i was a teen and I'm so happy to see you living your truth. You're absolutely stunning and im so happy to have refound your channel!!! Much love 🥰
This is beautiful Charlie. Thank you for sharing your truth with us. You’re the same kind and gentle person you’ve always been. I’m excited to see what’s next ♥️
I love this video! So great to hear about your journey discovering who you are. While I knew I was bisexual from a young age, discovering I was polyamorous was more of a grown up journey for me. I remember being attracted to multiple people at once and finding myself falling in love with multiple people at a time and thinking that there was something wrong with me or that I was weird. It took me a long time to acknowledge and firmly state that I was poly and that was a need for me, not a want. Just part of who I am that I sometimes find myself in love with multiple people. It's hard sometimes to admit who we are, not to just to those around us - although that is also scary - but mainly (for some reason) to ourselves.
I have a distinct memory of sitting around a fire on a camping trip in high school and everyone was sharing their crushes. And no one would take my answer that I didn't have a crush on anyone so I would just make one up. Looking back on it now I'm like yeahhhh that was a big clue into my asexuality
I'm definitely not asexual, but never really had any childhood crushes either for most of my teen years. Not sure why not. Maybe because I was so deeply in denial that I was gay.
I always had a lot of big crushes, while growing up, but I never thought about them further then maybe holding hands and cuddling. lol From high school and onward, I remember that was when I started to realize that many romantic partners would likely expect sex at some point in a long term relationship. So, if I ever contemplated asking a crush out, I would literally force myself to (very clinically) consider the question, “If I started dating this person, and sex was important _to them,_ would I be _okay_ possibly having sex with them?” And I genuinely thought that, not being immediately repulsed by the thought somehow counted as having sexual attraction. 😅 It somehow took me until I was almost 30 years old to realize that I’m just a big ol’ biromantic, and extremely sex indifferent, asexual. 😅
Charlie has the same idiolect that drew me in years ago. A softness, nerdish and over all cheerful je ne sais quoi. You look great! Red hair always did suit you well lol. So happy you’re happy ♥️
Thank you for sharing 💛 I’m nonbinary, and I remember always feeling like I wanted to fit in with both the boys and the girls. I loved pretty things and I wanted to catch snakes with my brothers. But I also felt so alienated from girls, especially as I grew older. I remember this one girl was very tomboyish and I felt jealous of her because I wanted to be accepted like that, but whenever I did unfeminine things at home like her like belch real loud I’d get scolded or made fun of. I grew up extremely conservative and didnt wear my first pair of pants until I was 18. Bought the jeans myself with no idea how sizing worked so they were too tight haha. But they were so freeing. I almost never wear anything but pants these days. I remember only wanting to grow boobs because I had a lot of internalized fatphobia and I thought the boobs would make my fat body less noticeable. I was always wanting to cosplay as every character no matter what gender. It seemed so fun, creative, artistic….. and a form of self expression I was dying to have when I was a teen. 🙃 one of my goals now as an adult (other than do the transitioning I want) is to have the money to fulfill that dream of cosplaying any character I want of any and all genders 😁
I just wanted to say I still have my "I found Charlie" pin from way back and even though the moment when I and my best friend got it was a little awkward, it was also when he had just come out as trans himself (which started my own gender journey). We both still cherish the pins, knowing that we not only found a beautiful soul but also one of our own back then. ❤🌈
