The Dating Rules you need to know.

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EP 54 - WHATADO: Breakups, Hookups, and Burning It All Down
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It’s Whatado time-and this time Jess and Caroline host an unexpected theme: all things dating. They discuss how to let him down easy, how to hook up when you’re living alone, and what to do when it seems like everyone except you is finding love.
Plus, a Hot Take turned Whatado: when should you burn it all down? Get a peak into what Jess and Caroline talk about off the pod, too, with a fun conversation about the perils and disappearances of beloved RU-vidrs, leading into a conversation about why we love other people’s slow narratives so much. Happy New Year, ya kooks!
SHOP OUR MERCH: not4everyonepo...
***
Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
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***
And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
@not4everyonepod
@thegoodsitter
@jzdebakey
***
This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
***
Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
***
Contents of this Video
1:10 - Sexy scary dramas
7:05 - Appropriate uses of the word "daddy"
14:00 - What the heck is a Whatado?
17:00 - How to let him down easy
24:00 - How to hook up without actually dating
28:00 - How to safely hook up when you live alone
41:30 - How does everyone else find love?
54:30 - When to burn it all down
1:04:30 - The allure of vlogging
***
𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends

Опубликовано:

28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 102

@Charismatic6 8 месяцев назад

Caroline, I'm gonna say it cuz you didn't today and this line always cracks me up "This has been Not 4 everyone. You tuned in and that's on you" 😂😂😂

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Haha I’m so delighted for you to carry the torch. Will try to say this more often 😘

@chantz_a_loo 8 месяцев назад

Ummmm… You should ONLY say ‘Daddy’ to your father. When did it become a boyfriend thing? Americans ruin everything. In South Africa 🇿🇦 we call our dad ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’, or ‘Papa’ if Afrikaans. I only call my husband ‘Daddy’ if I’m referring to him with my child, like “Please go ask Daddy if he wants coffee.”

@MoonthistleHouse 8 месяцев назад

I'm 40, separated almost 3 years now, and getting back to dating has basically been impossible. All I'm doing now is telling my teenage kids how important it is to be themselves as they start exploring dating and these early, teenage relationships. The hormones will hit their brains and tell them they have to do and be *anything* to find and keep a relationship, but after 15 years of marriage and never being seen for who I am, I am adamant they don't make the same mistakes I did. Despite there being no real dating pool in my area for somebody my age (and political-left-leanings), I do think it's a good reminder for me too, and maybe helpful for some who wrote in or are listening. It's far better to be loved later for who you truly are than to force yourself to be somebody else for *years* just to have a relationship where the role you're playing is loved, not you.

@MoonthistleHouse 8 месяцев назад

Too much to say on this episode - but I wanted to add that, as a man, I take zero offense if a woman wants to take precautions before going *anywhere* with me. Sometimes I even offer a moment to take a photo and/or text a friend or family member. The world is a scary place, and if a guy is offended at the precautions you're taking, turn around and walk away - that, to me, is a *serious* sign that is not a safe person!

@AditiSingh-ie6fy 8 месяцев назад

57:53 "There's a RU-vidr that a lot of people will know-" Just as you said that sentence, bestdressed was first thing that came to mind 😭 I just found her channel a couple years ago and watched some of her videos. Haven't thought of the channel for like two years, but when you said that sentence my brain was like "bestdressed?" I actually screamed when you confirmed it a second later.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Ooo it’s such an interesting story to me!!

@zvezdoblyat 8 месяцев назад

I loved Ashley, rip to her channel. Stalkers ruin everything for everyone smh

@coolcalm1111 7 месяцев назад

The same happened to me!

@wildhoneyandnoise 8 месяцев назад

I really enjoyed the part about bloggers. Every Christmas I miss Jenna Marbles' vlogmas 😢

@chanuppuluri8726 8 месяцев назад

I know right

@vfoxdesigns 8 месяцев назад

I miss @JennaMarbles soooo much!

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

She was an all star

@cyndymcclendon 8 месяцев назад

I frickin love you ladies!

@Plendamed 8 месяцев назад

Happy New Year 2024 to you too. I have a thesis that I wanted to tell you about. She is strange. And I thought I'd tell you anyway. I like to associate my feelings with my body. So my sadness is in my forehead, my anger is like a rocket that shoots through the whole body, through the neck into the head and then there is a lot of free energy there. Etc. To get from A to B, I take public transport. I like to observe people... Most people look at their smartphones while driving, few read a book, etc. I am firmly convinced that happiness has to be in the nose, otherwise not so many people would look for it with their fingers. Do you have similar observations? Do you also assign feelings in the body?

@Plendamed 8 месяцев назад

If I let the star noodle soup fall off the table, can I make a wish? because of shooting stars and stuff...

@laurag352 8 месяцев назад

Jess, do you mean Eugenia Cooney when you talked about a Shane Dawson documentry? It was later said, by ex-friends of her's, that she did not go to rehab voluntarily...

@majaw322 8 месяцев назад

This is absolutely it!

@user-yup-you-are-human2 8 месяцев назад

Caroline!!!!!! ❤❤❤

@BadSloucher 6 месяцев назад

1:06:00 Eugenia Cooney

@annaperalta505 8 месяцев назад

I would sh@*! If you just ghosted RU-vid 😅 I am too attached to Caroline’s life and now Jess! 🫶🏼❤️

@MadAboutBrows 8 месяцев назад

I still called my dad "Daddy" sometimes and he passed when I was 30! Ill never understand people who say it in a sexual context 🤢

@scrappysinger 8 месяцев назад

I’m Southern; and we call our “Dad’s” “Daddy.” We don’t think anything of it…and we find calling our lovers “Daddy” gross. Lol😅🙃

@ashleymcgee3536 8 месяцев назад

Southerner here. 38 years old and I still call my dad Daddy and my mom Mamma.

@amandaoleary7024 8 месяцев назад

As a northerner, I can say it's still gross

@ashleymcgee3536 8 месяцев назад

@@amandaoleary7024 the point is it’s subjective. It’s not even weird for men to still call their dad Daddy in the south. Besides, if we really want to get “comments section” about it, the accent lends the word “Daddy” a unique charm that is sorely lacking in Yankee country, so it’s no wonder it sounds gross to y’all.

@kathleencrozier2584 8 месяцев назад

And if you live in certain parts of the south. It’s sounds lil “diddy” with the accent w

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Ok “diddy” is officially the correct answer here. Thank you

@rhiannonNK 8 месяцев назад

Eeewww no! Daddy is the unsexiest thing ever! calling a b/f or partner daddy does not feel ok, ever. But I did laugh at your convo!

@KellySmithDavis 8 месяцев назад

Caroline, you nailed it! "I don't feel this is the connection I am looking for...". I am SO pleased to see you two promoting the prioritization of our own wants & needs instead of people pleasing just to find a partner! I know way too many people my age who simply settled and are soooo unfulfilled in their committed relationships.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

So glad this resonates!

@rhiannonNK 8 месяцев назад

My friend ALWAYS shares location, make and model of car of person she is meeting, sometime a snapshot of the license plate, a picture of the guy and name 😂

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Love 🙌

@ShellyBomb 8 месяцев назад

Smart 🤓 !!!

@hohurnham7583 8 месяцев назад

hate how people made daddy strictly sexual.

@Agoraphobication 8 месяцев назад

Caroline, fearmonger away, girl. I too have had the worst sexual experiences that left marks (literally and figuratively) when I went home with someone I didn't know well and I was drinking. I agree with your advice to have that be an either/or situation. I also second the "I've done it, which is how I know you really shouldn't if you can help it" advice. Women have to protect ourselves, because God knows the U.S. government isn't going to.

@emmelinesprig489 8 месяцев назад

Caroline is correct about NEVER going to your/their home on the first encounter, and taking serious precautions even when you think you can trust someone. It’s NOT the same as preaching abstinence. Saying “I know you’ll do it anyway.” is counterproductive and may lead a listener to harm. Jess frames it as a “you do you” take, but it seems she just doesn’t want to face the truth of how much danger she put herself in, and the danger her friends are currently placing themselves in. Obviously no one wants to imagine their loved ones being SA’d or murdered. But sticking your head in the sand and taking this stance upholds the dangerous aspects of dating and hookup culture. And saying it in the context of an advice episode?! (however casual you want it to be, you’re still giving advice). Just no. This was one of the most upsetting things I’ve heard from this podcast. I can’t finish the episode. This might be Not4MePod 😖

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

It’s a serious situation yes ❤

@santisanti8386 8 месяцев назад

Calling partner daddy is lame and kind of disgusting, calling daddy - daddy is tander and warm.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Sometimes I’m disgusting! It’s true

@santisanti8386 8 месяцев назад

@@Not4EveryonePod That's ok, we all are.

@nnnbooks1211 7 месяцев назад

I would feel so sad if Caroline disappeared from her RU-vid channel. Caroline does not know me and does not owe me or anyone anything, but I found her channel when I needed it the most - just to listen to a friendly, outspoken woman who is growing, experimenting, and challenging the world. Honestly, I have felt less lonely, more understood, and more at ease. Plus, I learned a few things about interior design (which was a huge bonus). I would feel sad if this podcast disappeared too. I love the inquisitive Jess with her unique take on things, and Caroline's wisdom based on experience. I adore seeing two amazing and smart women discuss various topics and try to help others. But no, they don't owe us anything. I would say I do owe them both a big thank you for their RU-vid presence. xx. Nancy .

@tedtalksrock 5 месяцев назад

Well said Nancy. I agree.

@annievine9686 3 месяца назад

Took the words right outta my mouth haha ❤

@ShellyBomb 8 месяцев назад

Ewwwe - No, please don't say "Daddy" to your boyfriend, husband or lover - I mean, of course YOU can, but kinda yuck 🤢 ... 🥴

@meredithhoward3733 8 месяцев назад

It breaks my fucking heart that we're normalising putting ourselves in dangerous situations (murder, rape, pregnancy, STDs, etc etc) vis á vis, casual sex with strangers, on the laurels of "it is what it is". Naw, baby girl.. "it" is literally your life, and we need to be normalising practicing restraint and resisting giving into every (presumably drunken) whim. Total Mom energy here, but I ain't even one iota sorry about it. 🤷‍♀️

@lorrilewis2178 8 месяцев назад

I'm not a Texan, but it's very common for native Texans to call their fathers "Daddy", no matter how old they are. Oddly, they call their mothers "Mother". I never understood why the term for their fathers was more casual and child-like than their mothers.

@sallieschuetz1796 8 месяцев назад

I couldn’t watch Euphoria or Game of Thrones.

@GenXHeart 8 месяцев назад

What A Do?! Spotify just told me you were my #1 Pod Cast in 2023, I don't have social media so I figured I would say thank you here! XOXO!

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Oh my god!!! This one’s a stumper. Cuz it’s great news for us but bad news for you ❤ we are grateful for your sacrifice

@GenXHeart 8 месяцев назад

😂@@Not4EveryonePod

@yalazha 8 месяцев назад

Ahh yes Ashley/bestdressed. She is still making videos once in a while, in the form of commercials for fashion brands on her instagram. My own guess is she got turned off from making content that put her in danger of getting stalked, as well as the hate she got, and she was only 22 (around that age)! It was never to the point of getting cancelled but she was so young and the strongest opinions were so overly critical, around her sponsorship choices, some people found her vlog stories too salacious, over her reselling decisions… idk it seemed like too much, especially for what seemed to me normal decisions made by a 22 year old. Good for her from walking away from that youtube life.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

I think this is a very good read

@zvezdoblyat 8 месяцев назад

She had the best practical fashion advice on RU-vid. Still does honestly. I don't share the same style, but her tips are still applicable (like Caroline's interior design advice!). It's great that she has sponsorships from fashion brands, but I feel like her style has severely deteriorated. There's just not many people who can take fashion inspo from a bra, a miniskirt and those hoof boots.

@hohurnham7583 8 месяцев назад

I miss her so much. In fact, I started watching Caroline to fill the void Ashley left.

@HomeByMon 8 месяцев назад

Gosh I missed you 🥲💝

@joeldheath 8 месяцев назад

It's absolutely fine to explicitly ask that your date pose for a picture with identifying info, location, etc and tell them you're sending that info to a friend. If the other person doesn't understand why that would be necessary, it's an opportunity for them to learn what women deal with regarding personal safety. If they're not okay with doing that despite knowing, that's an opportunity for you to end the date.

@law11school11girly 8 месяцев назад

So true ❤❤❤ letting a man know you shared location & a friend has their face & name is smart advice

@ShellyBomb 8 месяцев назад

Hi Caroline: Completely off topic --- but hopefully we'll see you soon on YOUR RU-vid channel; know you took some time away, but I (we - collectively) miss you Girl ... 🩷

@hollyunnie4636 8 месяцев назад

If you really need to spend the night with someone you don't know and trust fully, stay in a hotel. Much less likely a creep is going to hurt you after putting his credit card at the front desk.

@stephaniepetsinis2144 5 месяцев назад

On the subject of dating safety - most people are using apps like Tinder and Hinge so you can always share an image from their profile (once you've established that's what they look like 😅) or in other cases I find most people are very willing to share their social media accounts so that's another more casual way to share a picture without feeling awkward about it. Stay safe ❤

@HEMoore-vp5uj 8 месяцев назад

The chances of finding the "ONE" the first time or 20th time is 20 million to one. Most have to do at least 50 meetups before you know more about what is right for you....

@ShellyBomb 8 месяцев назад

P.S. I think these days with so many men not even asking women out or into the whole "dating" thing - I'd definitely go out on a second date if you are on the fence; maybe give them a chance ... 🥰

@SecurelyInsecure 8 месяцев назад

I LOVE VLOGS!!!! And yes, I get “attached “ to the families or the main Vlogger. I follow yours, Caroline. Bring us some more , pleeeeez ❤

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Can do ❤😍currently reworking how I’m gonna film vlogs, I’m excited!

@SecurelyInsecure 8 месяцев назад

@@Not4EveryonePod yay 🙌👍

@ShellyBomb 8 месяцев назад

@@Not4EveryonePod Oh, cool --- then you kind of answered my comment from a few minutes ago, before I saw your reply & looking forward to more vlogs, however, you film them! 🥰

@fionaschiffl8065 8 месяцев назад

Burning everything down is the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s a case of realising you’re people pleasing or letting people take advantage of you and you’re not doing that anymore. You’ve had it. It’s about resetting your mind, heart and soul to listen to your inner voice and heal. Others won’t like that you’ve changed and are now standing up for yourself, it bites you in the butt but you keep going as it’s right for you. I’m going as far as changing my name and contact details this year. I stopped telling people what I was thinking for my whole new name as they were giving me stupid feedback. It’s not something you choose lightly and they were making me feel bad and incompetent for something that doesn’t affect them. Trust your heart and never settle for a partner for the sake of convenience. Choose wisely and don’t ignore red flags. Your body is telling you that for a good reason. ❤ Great show. Thanks for the dating tips.

@sgolomer 8 месяцев назад

Vlog recommendation (at least 5 years worth!!) Lydia’s vlogs are like a steaming cup of cocoa in front of the fire on a bitterly cold winter’s day…❤ youtube.com/@lydiamillen?si=Fm7q-mJ-rcCqNL9w

@sgolomer 8 месяцев назад

WHATADO friend with poor hygiene 🤢

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Ooo great one. Writing it down for future ep!

@sgolomer 8 месяцев назад

@@Not4EveryonePod my nose doesn’t think it’s great 😉

@sazzzen 8 месяцев назад

As probably the only person I'm still waiting for you to link those cute cute cardigans, Caroline Winkler! Please have mercy.

@jolenestahn3919 8 месяцев назад

Relatable to the last topic: when Jenna Marbles left the internet - still sad about it 😭 The Shane Dawson series you were referring to was with Eugenia Cooney

@marija4265 8 месяцев назад

yay you're back!

@anyaroz8619 8 месяцев назад

omg I laughed soooo hard getting the kisses in the end. Beyond

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

So glad. So did we ❤❤❤

@insulaarachnid 8 месяцев назад

Has Jess watched the "sexy scary" HBO series TRUE BLOOD?

@zvezdoblyat 8 месяцев назад

I was going to watch it, but then I saw a video of Bill saying "Sookie" and I died laughing and decided not to 😂

@Anesias 6 месяцев назад

Did you guys hook up🤣

@bfoz 8 месяцев назад

Hello

@coolcalm1111 7 месяцев назад

Omg I remember that youtuber!! I used to follow her and I instantly recognized her when you started telling the story! I totally lost track, I was not asking where she was or anything, but I'm glad to know she's alive and ok. And whatever reason she had to drop youtube altogether, I think is valid. She doesn't own anyone anything!

@shepalderson 8 месяцев назад

The new mics sound very nice!

@ningyding 8 месяцев назад

You guys gave great advice. Keep it up!

@lorrilewis2178 8 месяцев назад

Ghosting says you consider them beneath treating like a human being. As you both said, thank them for the date and just say you didn't think there was a connection. They deserve to be treated with dignity. Ghosting is so immature and mean. If a guy told me he ghosted dates, I'd be instantly turned off.

@charanmcmillan1362 8 месяцев назад

Funniest PC yet...right on time, laughing with a broken heart makes me feel more human ❤❤❤ yall.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Aw friend. Sounds like you need a big hug, sending one ❤ glad you’re here

@charanmcmillan1362 8 месяцев назад

@@Not4EveryonePod nuthun but love 4 yall

@foodnwords 8 месяцев назад

this was great. no notes!

@TerryAnnOnline 8 месяцев назад

It is not just about safety for women. One of the actors from American Pie was physically attacked by a strange lady he brought home.

@aspartameindustry 6 месяцев назад

Caroline not having heard of Shane Dawson is the most Caroline thing ever and I love her for it

@julias3111 8 месяцев назад

Missed u so much 🥹

@kisikisikisi 8 месяцев назад

Jessica I will never forgive you for saying that about your father.

@Not4EveryonePod 8 месяцев назад

Hahah

@Skadivore 8 месяцев назад

I must say your whole point about sexualizing kissing parents or calling them cute names is SO American 😂 but I still love you. Sometimes we repulse each other and that’s okay. 🫶 Gonna kiss my Daddy rn