I am so grateful that at very early age had to take care of myself and be independent and had to get my needs met. That is what I tought to my child. Now so happy to see an Independent person! 😊
How do you tell the difference between intimacy closeness and using for needs to get met? Intimacy is sharing and caring maybe ,and anxious neediness can be taking for solely self survival selfishness.
Observing this all around me including my past. Normally Nice people , live together , relationships go sour , this explains the divorces and breakups.
If you want to help people, help yourself first. I realized that I was a burden to my friends because I wasn't helping myself. So when my friends needed me, I couldn't offer anything because I was empty. They never asked me for help because they didn't see me as reliable. The video explained what I had been struggling with for years. I pray for healing and improvement.
I watched the full podcast, I haven't ever heard of a woman be that real with herself and also with validating men, which in return, she lifts alot of mens spirits when saying something like that. As much as she deserves to be validated through her journey. Also I'm sure Aria, would be proud. Don't beat yourself up to much for how things "could" have been different. It was exactly the way it needed to be and nothing you can change!
Yes. You think you are helping a person who is having a hard time or suffering but in reality they are not getting helped, they think they are manipulating people into getting their needs met, you are an object to them, I have experienced that objectification from very people I am helping, they think you're existence is for their service, they don't stop, they think if you are meeting certain need of theirs then what else can they get from you
Exactly this. I was in an awful situation with a girl 'friend' who only ever called me when she needed help. She was miserable and constantly ill with several different diseases and would cry about it for hours when I gave her my time. We would drive her to hospital at her lowest points and the doctors told me there's nothing physically wrong with her. Eventually I set boundaries and told her she couldn't rely on me any more. A year went by then she called and said she had bad covid and her dog needed to get out for a walk. So I felt sorry for the doggy and went over. Next thing you know she's asking me to go to the pharmacy, grocery shopping, and taking the dog out again the next day. My husband is so mad at me for falling into this trap again. She's never wanted to hang out and do something fun or express interest in my life. I'm mad at myself for not being able to say a hard no. It's hard to do that to someone who needs help. Mostly psychological help.
She knows hurt people hurt people and there's no way around it, the practice of self love and working on your shadow side is an absolute necessity in order to heal herself.
The people who slipped through the cracks. Uneducated housewives, Unmarried because they dont want to loose benefits, undiagnosed autistics, neurodivergents. People struggling on low-income. Coddled young adults and Emotional self regulation.
Could people just stop expecting others to become some sort of "self sufficient super human" without any needs? If you try desperately to "heal" yourself before you allow yourself to go into a relationship, you will end up dead before experiencing human connection or love. People heal each other by kindness and mirroring. You learn and develope in relationships and not by reading self improvement books and listening to podcasts or self awareness/meditating 24/7.
