This was really good, Dr Saad. It can be shocking for an empathetic person to realise that they don't have any meaning to anybody despite their good qualities. It can make them wonder what the point of their life really is and reject the unbearable prospect of living the rest of their lives that way; it can even make suicide seem more appealing. There has to be more exposure about the need for people to recognise and address their childhood wounds before they embark on deeper relationships which require a large investment of trust. When that is pulled from them by a narcissistic person it can feel like the abyss. God is a Shepherd and a healer of the broken hearted. Stay close to Him.
Thank you Matthew for expressing these feelings so perfectly... I'm afraid I've been hurt more times than I could count.. God has been helping me or I'd not be here today...bless you brother.
I've been following you for several years you're one of the most enlightening balanced psychologists who have a subjective perspective looking forward for your upcoming episodes of this series
I am not sure we have no identity outside of the relationships. I am definitely an empath with so many interests, I am so happy when I am alone to pursue them. I find the opposite for me: People want to be with me but I have cut off many needy, definitely a few narcissistic relationships and presently enjoy my time and energy for personal growth.
7:57 I totally agree with you but Not all empaths have progressed to that level of maturity. It takes work! Setting healthy boundaries and doing the inner work and healing. This course is a reminder for progressive empaths but also for those who need direction on how to do the inner work.
Why can't we have the best of both worlds, to enjoy interests within relationships and without. That would be a sweet spot to holiday in for me personally.
Unhealed wounds and no boundaries a vast majority of people who are or just think they are empaths never get to the place inside of being a healthy and effective earth angel standing in our power if any of us are fearful, emotionally effeminate and codependent we will remain in a defeated state and remain nothing more than a survivor of trauma and abuse until we are not....acceptance, vigilent healing, and enforced boundaries is a must I'm rooting for you and the universe is too !!!!
this is resonating with my recent experiences so well, I'm so proud of myself for standing alone even for a few moments just being myself not hustling for worthiness which is what I mostly tend to do
As always Dr. Saad, thank you! I appreciate the direction this is going, pulling away from “the tabloid” feel of the empath vs. narcissist dynamic. In order to progress as empaths we must release ourselves from victimhood otherwise we’ll remain pretty close on that narcissistic spectrum. This takes much inner work! Thank you!!
Good points brought up for new series. The relational empath is the first to develop so when the person is young, and naive it is exactly as the video describes. Eventually, the empath does mature, and the other parts, and as an adult still has that empathic core by is enforced by the other parts of the personality that learned how to take care of the empathic core to become quite self sufficient.
Thanks Abdul for putting out these short but thoughtful content regularly. They support me in making reflections about my tendencies as a person and help me make emotional progress from time to time. I resonate with this set of observations that you make and I think having a strong core sense of self could be more beneficial than other referencing.
Dr Saad thank you. I very happy to have been directed to your channel. From listening to this video and others, I come to realise how much progress I have started to create. I was directed to you by Richard Grannon life Coach. I took advantage of Melbourne’s long lockdown to start work fully on myself , Changing my life, found a goal. I had telephone support from Blue Knot, outstanding help. Thank you for sharing your knowledge I do appreciate your time.
I can somehow relate to this but not fully. I think the lack of identity outside of relationships applies more to extremes codependency. I am more comfortable on my own than most people. Main problem is I don't feel confident in expressing my true self with people bc I rely too much on their feedback since I don't want to hurt anybody. But I am far from living others life and making them a centre.
Love your work doc 💞 ,adding the spiritual element to your approach for such topics has been so refreshing and helpful , going back to the root of it . Thank you for ur light .
This is on the money, and exactly what I needed to hear and work on. Why is the video so short? It ends just as its beginning. I am currently receiving therapy from a psychologist for the first time and I am concerned that I know more about my condition than the people I have entrusted to help me with it. I am also concerned about being retraumatized by their lack of understanding of narcissistic abuse, family scapegoating and how this affects ones core identity. I will be paying close attention to their guidance and not just sitting back like a naive sheep.
I feel for you. It's a concern when we know more than the "pros" on certain topics. And yes, beware you don't suffer secondary abuse by their invalidation of your correct understanding. Knowledge will give you power to recognise a good therapist. Don't let them gaslight you. I wish you freedom and joy and victory.🙂❤️👍
I love this channel. Before discovering it, I had already cut out all the narcissistic control freaks from my life, but it took until age 51. Character traits vital for breaking free are the courage to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror and the humility to understand that the only person we can change is ourselves. By focusing all our energy, attention, and intention on ourselves, handling all situations and relationships becomes effortless, no matter how catastrophic.
It took me so much pain and tears and time to finally realize this. It was so hard, the relationship all these years. I should just write a book. I have learned so much about myself, and Gods purpose for me. But mainly, I wanted to say thank you for your channel. It’s been a great assistance to me throughout the years. I really appreciate your passion for this work. And I hope you never stop. It’s much needed these days!
I've watched this video four times, back to back. I'm literally buzzing. i feel lighter already and can't wait for more of your thoughts and advice, Marvellous!
For me Fasting ( liquid 18 days) and Deliverance prayers esp deaf dumb spirit/generational curses/discernment/ Literally Saved my life at home free Pastor Robert Clancy on YT and I sleep to Psalms if you want to severe those strongholds 💥💥🎚
You can have god, but also still step forward for yourself. And put yourself first too. You can combine it. And nothing is wrong with your belief. I consider myself more spiritual than religious, but I understand what you’re saying. Sending loving energy to you 💕
Elegantly articulated. Excellent pointers for self reflection to guide emotional maturity, and a more grounded spirituality. Loving the new content, and it's brevity.
🤔Giving some thought to your concepts. IMO: 1. The progress of "integrating into a more solid sense of self" is commonly referred to as "Healing" - and it is not limited only to those who identify as "Empathic". 2. The "Empath's" degree of feeling (like all of us) lies on a spectrum or scale. It is not digital (on or off) in anyone, and thus the 4 Identities, like personality styles, are a fabrications for the purpose organising categories of behaviour and not boxes people must fit into. 3. A predominant focus on _'needing'_ feedback from others (externally oriented locus of control) to 'define one's sense of self' is the same dynamic the Narcissist relies on, except the Empathic types are open, willing and able to redirect that focus inwardly in order to heal, whereas a narcissistic type refuses to do so, and thus will almost certainly remain unintegrated AND externally oriented all their days. 😊
I just look soo forward to listening to you. I rings true to me. Gives me peace, settles me down, makes me feel a spiritual peace. Thank you so very much.
Great view and video thank you. I see links with codepandancy, people pleasing and over-achieving and even cptsd. All things where a substantial amount of empaths might be struggling with. Looking forward to your next videos on the topic!
This was such hard won knowledge for me. I have listened to you for years and it still took a painful event to hammer it through. Thank you for the follow up 🙂
Thank you for this. i am so impressed by your approach, you are balanced in your delivery i have to use my dictionary to understand some of the meanings to words that you use, but hey, learning is good. I am really excited to see your content explaining other aspects to Empaths other than relationships. This made so much sense to me why i have struggled with my intermate relationships, and not knowing who i am outside of them wow. I really would love to join any course kn this to help me develop my identity which i believe has been lost in my role in relationships of all types, initnate, friendships, familiar, job. Thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you Abdul, I’m looking forward to hearing more about the different types of identities empaths have and how we can develop them. Your videos are enlightening! Thank you.
I think you have a very good point here at spotting that an empath has also something to learn (even from a narcissist) in the sense of self in relationship with the world but it fails in saying that empaths don´t have a sense of self without the context of relationships, I think what you are talking about is something else, that may be attached to some compassionate personalities, but is not actually in direct relationship to empathy. Actually, it is because empaths have a very strong sense of self beyond relationships that they (we) are not so afraid of loosing ourselves, its like a very deep loving sense of self. But, I do think you are right in pointing out that we do have a blind spot, it´s evident that we don´t see as much as we think we can, because been really empathic with narcissistic acting is too far away from our reach sometimes, being really empathic to narcissism is a horrible trip. it´s too different. When empaths learn really a lot about narcissists they learn about self protection, which can be learned even frome the narcissist and have better sense of self in relationships. I don´t know if you understand me, you are close, but you are wrong in something essential: being an empath is not the same as codependancy. Have a good day.
Exactly, you articulated my thoughts. I think empaths have strong sense of self that helps us go through uncomfortable circumstances with compassion to self when others would go through self hate or looking for external support. I think the lack of identity applies more to extreme codependency.
The sense of self for me also has a piece that was built in early about in some ways doing god’s work for want of a better expression- that self as made by god and the privilege of life and being had somehow a connection to service and doing the right thing for others and I know now looking back how i had from an early age 5 a highly sophisticated way of seeing perspectives on interactions and when a person’s intentions were being misconstrued. I did not know that everybody else did not know this- I live in a very unsafe home- this seeing was used against me in a very big way, it created a hyper responsibility while i was also ridiculed, undermined etc.
This is so true and relatable. Thank God you got me past this point when I came to see you a few years ago and I'm happy to have a relationship with myself now so to speak LOL, regardless of my relationships with others. I can now see myself (and others) a bit more objectively - and with more certainty and kindness. I only wish I heard this stuff 20 years ago because it's made such a huge difference to my state of mind and how I see myself.
Your work has been phenomenal tool in my journey ✍🏻My experience Im 50’s every women who tells me I’m an empath was Really a covert narcissist and dangerous.. Im a Seer and do not tell people I can feel your energy because it’s usually not positive and it rattles there demons 👹
Recovering empath here. Eventually, peace becomes a natural state of being, and past patterns and red flags will feel much more unsettling. Still, I am having to work on my saviour complex by installing strong boundaries.
I call it SELF care Praticing identifying ,calling out the mirroring need and desire for valadation , that can only come from a source within it's very challenging for me to sit with self witch interns becomes my identity ( The Challenge.)
So its very close to personality disorders. 😮 Maybe in next dsm edition we will see empath in personality disorders?! I honestly agree with all said in this video. I feel like im recovered empath. 🎉
Well, now can't wait for the next 2 features to be announced. Wonder what they are. ) Thank you for this direction, indeed, I was getting that way by watching my youtubers.
I’ll tell you what I think it is. It is an underdeveloped self. It is a self that got validated by others by the service they provided for others. But, the service we provide others should not be for recognition, it should be for the sake of God. Therefore, do what you know you must for the sake of God, and don’t get involved in the rest. This way you won’t allow yourself to be manipulated by others, nor will you be a hermit who doesn’t engage with society (either extreme is bad). In other words, every relationship with God’s creation gets filtered through God. Only the essence will get through, anything extraneous must fall off.
I stopped other referencing when I got stuck with an absolute Monster as my Other , it almost killed me but I understood myself finally, I was totally free , Wow it is Bliss.
I have changed.....after TONS of self-reflection and hard work....but the old me DID need a relationship to exist....needy and riding the intense highs and despairing lows of my interpersonal relationships with m.e.n.........yikes! I now LOVE being alone......but LOVE to partner-up.....in a good Pickleball match with a man.
Aloha Abdul, is there such a thing as “shared psychosis”? Does the empath exhibit dark personality traits due to their abusive relationships? Thank you.
6:32 This interpersonal relationship identity model has me asking myself if the Eastern philosophy of Ying/Yang (balance of polarities) and Buddhism are opposite to one another in an spectrum.
@@LinYouToo I hope he is right because BPD has so much stigma attached. I don't know how you can differentiate these disorders and help those of us trying to help ourselves.
@@nancybartley4610I believe I have BPD. The message and information in this video definitely resonates. Plenty of overlap within cluster b disorders. I'm really not sure about the whole empath thing.
@@nancybartley4610 curious about the 4 personalities of an empath. I often feel like a chameleon, adjusting my persona to suit the company I find myself in
@@secretivescorpio891 I can relate but don't know what it means. I listen to so many videos on personality issues and remember the chameleon quality to which you refer coming up. I just can't remember the issues with which it was linked and if it was viewed as positive, negative or just a simple difference. I tend to think it is a bit on the negative side and may be related to people pleasing. I think I do it for more than one reason and that some my be positive and others negative. However, I believe the ultimate result has not been healthy for me. I do have lines I refuse to cross, however. How about you? How to you view this habit you have developed? Why do you think it is something you do? On another note, why do you think you have BPD? Also, I am anxious to hear about the four personalities. Finally, have you taken the full test that comes out with four letters (can't remember the name)? I came out INFJ which is very rare. Who knows what came first: did trauma create us or genetics, the interplay of the two, or??? Best to you. And remember: we are a work in progress and you only need your approval.
I need this, and i am waiting for the course. My ex is pregnant and I dont want to be with her and I don´t know what to do, she is a narcissist. I send you and i mail , please i want a coaching session
Narcissist women poke holes in condoms to ensnare their empath victims, that is if you even used one. I dont envy your position. Dont allow the monster to guilt you into doing anything you dont want to. Keep your distance, but know this, she will drag you through the family courts trying to get all your money and punish you for refusing to be with her. Also, demand a DNA test, she is probably sleeping with other men.
All the narcissism videos talk about the only way to survive is to have no contact. What about when no contact is not an option? When your loving son's been turned against you by his wife?
Thank you, you gave my thoughts words. BUT: I don't like the word empath. It is not a clinical term, it elevates a basic function to a «super power» in a grandious narcissistic manner. In fact it is a hypersensivity to cruel invirements, to please and to surender. Maybe a mechanism out of childhood. The clúster B does the same. It's solución is the attack. What makes narcs effective is their empathy. The word empathy is widely missused. Cluster B AND co-dependents of all kinds have no empathy for themselfes. So there is no base for a functional interpersonal interaction in both of them. It is an illness of the «wants». There is no focus of the «needs». Water, food, shelter, health, care for the children. «Kind loving good empaths» even sacrify their kids for infantil monky-love in abusive relationships. All take drugs to ruin their health or their finances. My humble opinión as a dentist: Empaths and co-dependents are under empowered narcs. They are empty and come to take. Not to give. What hurts is the frágil ego. They confuse wants and needs. I didn't waste my pain, I used it. I faced my own madness. I needed cuts with a knife and a loaded gun in my face from a tiny girl to eventually run and stay away. That is not what I need and not what I want. I haven't the luxury of therapy or coaching in South América, as a kid I had to steal my educación as well. And there is a good part about it, it is more pain and it helps fundmental change. In my state of transformation I am looking for results. Narcs are repelled by me now. Love and even social interaction are leaded by my motivation to GIVE not to take, there are little exspectations. But I give freely what I really want to give. Not need to give. Freedom has little needs, God is freedom. Cluster B are repelled by this. If you give in this manner you need a full grown person who is able to recieve, then giving is joy. Narcs can't recieve, they have no needs. There are only distorded wants. Narcs are confused in my present. Co-dependents are repelled cuz I don't withhold. I am repelled by both of them. But they check in and out. The people who stay in my life longer now are people I am proud of, it's so easy to respect them. Love is respect. Dignity is selfrespect. Nobody can steal it away from you. The only good people in the world are empaths. I am not good and not bad, but I pray for you. Desde Sudamérica
Are your needs being met? Check with your Vet Cos if you are someone else's pet It would be safe to bet on your happiness being set on someone else's bullshet.
