The Loneliness Epidemic in the Gay Community 🌈 

Its not a community. Its a competition hierachy. Community implies that people help each other.

That feeling of having to agree with every single nonsense or else you may get rejected. Always on guard. That feeling of longing for the pre-2015 community. Because, back then you feel like everyone had the same goal. But now, if you have the wrong opinion, you are kicked out. And if you are a lesbian that is more traditional, forget it.

and grindr doesn't help when there are so many options so no one is loyal anymore. The grass is greener on the other side right?

I would have thought that the loneliness gay men experience would make it more likely they'd bond together like 'yes I belong to a group now' but I don't really experience that. Maybe it's because I'm not a bar person or in a large city. 🤷‍♂️ Loneliness applies to everyone; both gay and straight - good topic

Living in a rural area makes it so much worse. And with the housing market like it is, I’m trapped in hell.

Loneliness and fitting in are major issues gay men face. I've never felt as if I fit in- within my family, at work or even with friends. I feel there is so much more that sets me apart and that particularly with gay friends I've found the relationships to be shallow, transactional and often short term. They have mostly ended in feeling let down and deeply disappointed- making it increasingly harder to trust others. I found a lot of gay men to be liars and fantasists which has been quite disturbing at times- especially when you find yourself deeply invested in a friendship only to find its built on a tissue of lies. It really can undermine ones confidence. I spend most of my time now alone, I've learned to accept that's the way life is going to be.

The 80s was a great time when personals were in gay magazines and such. Even personal ads in some newspapers had gay men seek friends or lovers. I had friends who. I lost contact that i had made in the 80s. Many died.

The gay loneliness is its own self made hell. We are our own jailer and until we get our shit together we won't be free

You have hit the nail on the head I cannot believe the topics you coverd are so true.

Good on you fellows for having this conversation.

Im gay and a big guy and get lonely alot and feel ill never meet anyone

This hit home 😢

Gay loneliness is real. My accepting wife passed 2 years ago. I have a son and a daughter who both have families but I am still lonely. I don't see them very often. I was a Baptist Pastor many years ago but have been totally rejected by them because I am gay. I am not welcome to even attend church because I am gay and that was medically proven during electronic shock therapy. I've joined a retirees group who do bus trips occasionally but I am not out there by choice. I do love being gay though. I am not looking for a boyfriend. I am 77and a bit to old now.

Thank you Joel and Keegan for having conversations like this. It might be naive of me, but I didn’t think loneliness was all that common with gay men. I just always thought I was doing something wrong and just not that good at being gay.

Another factor driving gay loneliness is the growing divide between the haves and have nots. Gay men who are successful professionals in lucrative careers earning six figure annual salaries tend to criticize and look down on gay guys who are just regular working stiffs who are just getting by and doing the best they can.

Maybe...this is THE MAJOR...Downsite of internet in general...Guyz don,t happen to see each other anymore or whatsoever... especially youngsters...they even don,t know how to socialize...My grandchildren are even afraid to talk to each other face to face, because they have not done that in ages...So gay communities crumble down...and people become more isolated and feel lonely

Hopefully, you will cover ageism in the gay community. If you are over 50, you are pretty much ignored by the community in general.

I enjoy being loney because i had toxic Realtionships and friends even co workers

❤ Dear Keegan & Joel ❤ LOVE you guys so much ❤ Thank you very much for being YOU ❤

There are many videos on RU-vid about gay loneliness. One thing I have noticed, is that all of these guys place the blame on external factors, the apps, the lack of connection, and the lack of desire to do anything other than hook up as primary factors. I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but you are the common denominator all of these scenarios. I understand why some gay men might feel loneliness in the community, but if you make zero effort to do something other than passively accept the results you are expecting from your gay circumstances, then you are part of the problem. Simply put: blaming everything but yourself, and trying nothing new , will only perpetuate this vicious cycle of perceived loneliness.

And on top of that... especially gay communties should be more tolerable and caring, for guyz who DON,T perfectly fit in the picture, of who we would like to be....

Love the new haircut, Joel🎉😊

Yes. It is a problem. Any suggestions how to fix it?

I am very grateful for the fact that youth and good looks are transient in nature. The time under the sun for gay men ends around the mid thirties, the sunset on the 40th birthday is the cut off age for membership in the collective gay men community. Rather than lament that fact one must embrace it and rejoice in the liberty of not having to exert as much energy to live up to the requirements that the "community" demands.

Please note that any and all advice giving in this episode pertains to men currently residing in the UK and as such may not tend to extend to those beyond. The local environment may differ in essential aspects.

First of all, all gay men learn early in life to act. We all have our SAG cards because we are taught early in life that we aren't "real men" so some of us put on a good show of being just that, aping a model of masculinity that was created in the era of WW2 in which boys were prepared to be either soldiers or factory workers. Women have questioned their own stereotypes for decades but men are still slaves to an image and behavior that are not only outdated, but unquestioned. Second, I want to say something about "scarcity". It is easy for people to subtly chide those of us who are older (I'm '70s gen) for being so desperate as to jeep doing hook-ups etc when we "should be in a relationship". I hate to break the news to these pie-in-the-sky idealists, but the scarcity is real for me and probably others in my age group. My best friends were both older than me when I met them and both passed over the past 7 years; my generation was decimated by AIDS and those who are left are either in long term (and often sexless) relationships or are dealing with substantial health issues. I had 6 BFs when I was younger and only one remains alive; 4 died of AIDS/one of lung cancer; the lone survivor, a New Yorker lol!, is still living). And my family are clueless Trumo supporters and Christians who don't really accept gay people so no family support since I was outed at 20 (my abusive mother opened a love letter sent to me from my BF). The scarcity is real, sorry to say but I do put myself out there in hopes of finding that elusive long term companion who might not want to spend his older years living alone. Yes, I settle and compromise my standards to some extent, and yes, the scarcity is REAL, even in a big city) Thanks for looking at this topic and acknowledging the reality. I am not so much "lonely" (I know how to live alone) as I am restless for a quality older man who has no substance use issues not so stuck in his ways that he can't open up to LOVE In the meanwhile, thank God for loyal regs....

Loneliness is just self-pity allowed to run unchecked.