The Loss of My Mother | Video Podcast 

Sometimes death isnt about the person who died but rather about mourning the person you never had. Love you bethany. ❤

When your first bully is your mom that feeling never goes away. I’m so sorry. Being a great mom to Brynn is how you’ve broken that generational curse. Stay strong.

I was beautiful when young; my mom was beautiful. My mom wanted to be a writer; I became a writer. Jealousy destroyed our relationship. She tried to hold me down in life at every turn. She undermined my confidence. Bethenny, I'm not trying to be mean here...but after years of telling therapists, "'My mom loved me...just in her own way," FINALLY a therapist looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Did she? Everything you've told me indicates she didn't. You don't treat people you love with abuse." I was stunned. I got defensive. I said, "Are you saying my own mom didn't love me?" I'll never forget her response, "I'm not saying you weren't worthy of her love. I'm saying your mom wasn't capable of love because she hated herself. That's on her. You have to let it go. You did nothing wrong." That freed me to an extent. Boy, I still struggle at the ripe age of 55....and am single due to the trauma. But I, at least, realize her inability to love me was not my fault. P.S. I too can remember two or three nice things my mom did for me. That's the sad part...I can only remember two or three nice things she did for me. We shouldn't be able to point to a handful of things. That's not a mother. Sorry. My point is you have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing! Signed, someone who still feels unworthy of love.

‘Maybe someday when I look back I’ll be able to say, you didn’t mean to be cruel, somebody hurt you too’ - Madonna

The best part is you stopped the terrible cycle to give your daughter the best life. 😢❤

You broke the abuse by changing it for your daughter! Please give yourself grace❤❤❤

I'm a 40 year old woman and not a mother by choice for the most part. My mother has always been loving and still is. She is amazing. She brought me life and helped save my life when I was in the depths of my alcoholism. I'm now 6.5 years sober. Last week I finally heard the story from my uncle of how her mother disowned her for getting pregnant with my brother and marrying my dad, a divorced man. By the time I was born my grandmother (her mom) was back in her life. But hearing about that pain...I've always loved my mother but now I've heard some of her pain ..and I know it was too painful for her to share with me. For mothers day I spent it connecting with her brother and she was so happy (because he moved away to an island when I was born). And today I got to have coffee with her and hug her and realize even more why I'm so grateful for her. Hoping for peace in your life and your heart, B.

Roller skating saved your life. Reading saved mine. Childhood should be a magical time. What a shame it is that so many children don’t have that.

What you experienced is called MOTHER HUNGER. Look that up. My childhood was very much like yours, with BOTH parents. It is NEVER too late to have a happy childhood, Bethenny. You're smart, strong and most importantly, you are READY. This event has cracked you wide open. Take the hint and focus solely on your healing. You will get through this. I promise. Much, much love. XO

This is the therapy session that Bethenny needed. We’re all here for you. ❤

This is your mom’s gift to you. The gift of your healing ❤

She was a sick sick women, she loved you the only way she knew. When my mother died,it was a relief and and.very emotional roller coaster, it will get better, life goes on. It’s wild how our childhoods effects us. You are loved a lot now! Breathe that every day.

You don't just grieve for the loss of your mom but also for the loss of that "tiny bit of hope" the little girl inside you held onto, the hope that your mom would be the mom you always wanted her to be. I grieved more for that hope being gone than anything...I'm so sorry Bethenny...it hurts like nothing else, it's indescribable.

Oh Bethenny, you never had anyone to protect you. You always had to do it yourself. I'm so sorry that so many people, who's job it was to love and protect you, hurt, abused, and neglected you. Take all the time you need to really let yourself feel all of that. You're an amazing person, worthy of love and protection. You're a great mom and person. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this. You're mother gave us all the gift of you to the world. We're crying with you and we love you bethenny. ❤❤❤

I was in my fifties when I read a sentence in the book You Are Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, that changed my life. It was “you are not unlovable because your mother didn’t love you, your narcissistic mother was unable to love you”…it hit home. I had spent a lifetime trying too hard to be worthy of love from people who abused me. Finally I realized I was worthy of love, starting with loving myself…a statement I always felt was ridiculous but now understand. It’s been a journey, but finally at age 66 I know I am worthy. Period.

My mom died 2 years ago. Similar story. Elizabeth Taylor look alike. Stunning. Vain, with an eating disorder. We're fortunate that we could survive it. Yes, difficult and even traumatic, but.. it helped shape us into independent, resilient, truth seekers. Therefore, I'm grateful for her flaws, which helped me become the woman that I am today. Rest in peace mom. I miss and love you 🩷🩷🩷

My heart breaks for you Bethenny. You're healing your relationship with your mother through your relationship with Brynn.

Bethenny, your Mom's demons are not yours to carry. Hearing all you have gone thru, until this moment, shows how strong of a woman you are. You have had a second chance for a happy childhood thru Bryn, helping, loving, and caring for her the way you do. Lean on her, and Paul now. You will be ok. Grieve as you should, but hug yourself, because you could of gone down a dark road, and you have accomplished so much, even against all odds. I admire you. And look in the mirror, because you are stunning, bright, special. Never forget that. Your Mom RIP, but regardless of her sad life, she brought into the world a wonderful woman that gives so much to others. Sending hugs to you and Bryn❤.

I am truly honored to have had the opportunity to hear this piece of your story. Thank you.

I suffer from bulimia and I have since I was 12 years old. I am now a 43-year-old mother of two and bulimia is still the most important thing in my life. This opened my eyes to the pain my children must be feeling

It sounds like your mother had a personality disorder, likely as a result of the trauma she suffered as a child. I hope you're proud of yourself for breaking the cycle of abuse that you both survived. If you can bear it, please give young Bethenny a long, nourishing hug. She deserves it ❤

"Ive been alone my entire life and Im alone now" really broke my heart

“Why I’ve been alone my whole life “. All of this hits hard, but that last sentence is the life many children of abuse later live. why our walls are impenetrable. The hope is to find a way through it and offer grace to those who are on our team. Thank you Bethany. Truly.

Dear Bethany: My arms are around you in spirit. “Not love able” resonates so loudly within the silence of my own mind. I thank you for being so thoughtful and understanding what we need as mothers and daughters, truth, truth, truth. Lies keep us locked within the narrative that makes us sick. Blessings for you and Brynn always.

I think that for those who have had terrible parents, when they die you grieve what you will never have. It’s so very final.

There comes a time when you need to forgive your parents in order to have a healthy life. It’s time.

The duality of your mom's parenting must have been so hard, not knowing what to expect, getting intermittent, infrequent rewards and not being able to count on a parent for support. You've done an amazing job surviving and thriving in spite of all the awful experiences.

Your raw and heartfelt testimony touched my heart. I understand many aspects of your persona despite the fact that I don’t “know” you. I shed tears with you as you spoke your truth. This is part of your healing and grief process. May God bless your path ahead in being the mother you wish you’d had. Chin up. This too shall pass and has passed. ❤️🙌🏽. Blessings and my condolences to you from California.

It's pretty ballsy putting this side of you on display and I appreciate you for this. Grief is SO complicated. When I was 29 (I'm 45 now), my mom died and 6 days later on the day of her memorial, I found my dad dead. Their deaths provoked so many emotions like anger, abandonment, blah blah blah. I'm really sorry Bethenny, my condolences. I'm not a therapist, but sometimes our parents really drop the frickin ball, and its ok to be pissed. Definitely give yourself compassion. Yes you'll endure pain, but I promise it will get easier. The grief comes in waves, including the anger and resentment. Treat yourself kindly ❤️

This is the most powerful, tragic, honest raw podcast I’ve ever listened to. You have been through so much and what sticks out to me is the amazing mother you are to your daughter. Remarkable that you have the love intention and foresight to even get there. You are amazing. Thank you for laying your heart out there . Let the healing begin. You deserve it and more ❤

I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of your childhood because your mom was basically a child herself. I pray for peace for you.

Your words and your relationship with your mother are so similar to mine in many ways. My mother insulted me on my wedding day. She couldn’t help it. She was so insecure. She threw out a bunch of insults at my sister at her UC Berkeley graduation, she was so jealous and embarrassed that she hadn’t gone to a prestigious college like she wanted to. She lashed out at all of us, putting me down, saying horrible things to my sister about how the whole family was supposedly “so disappointed” that she didn’t “get her MRS in college. What a waste of going to Berkeley.” She couldn’t help herself. She was incapable of joy for anyone else. I always wanted so badly to make her happy and make her proud of me. We all did. When I got the call that she died I was on the phone with the realtor telling me we got the house. I felt like “Of course she had to ruin this for me too.” And I felt relief. A huge sense of relief. It was finally over. I would never have to try for something that was never going to happen. And I miss her so much. Nobody enjoyed talking sh*t more than her. If I ever wanted to just spew pure vile, I knew I could call her and she’d eat it up. I’m writing a graphic novel about all of this. And it’s really cathartic. And if it’s any good I’ll send you a copy because I think you can relate. Love you, and happy Mother’s Day ❤

Bethenny I met you out one day and you were nothing but pleasant. I’m a fan for life. You truly inspired me to start my show here on RU-vid. Is it on the level of yours NO but it’s a start! May you be blessed and may your mother’s soul rest well. ❤❤

I think it’s more difficult when a parent passes if the relationship is as complicated as yours was. So much hurt.

The fact that you are a good mom is a gift from your mom because you did everything to be as different as night and day.

This is truly just as therapeutic for listeners as it is for you to release it. You are so strong and inspirational. Thank you for sharing this.

I lost my mum 22 months ago, even though I’m 54 years old and mother of 2 sons now grown men, I still grieve like a child who just wants her mummy. Obviously I have to hide this from everyone and be strong and support everyone, but secretly inside that’s how I feel. My heart and thoughts are with you at this very sad loss xxx

Bethenny I feel your pain. My mother died in 2018. She was 95. After her death I discovered she was a covert narcissist. I learned why I had no self esteem, no boundaries, and a commiserate people pleaser. I too am alone. I am 71. I am just now realizing I am a survivor. I am tough and so are you. Much love to you Bethenny!

Give yourself grace and compassion. Such beautiful words to tell oneself. Thank you for sharing.

Love to you Bethany, I see your emotions. I’m the daughter of a Narc father, also mourning the little girl that had a shit childhood.. you were a victim, not your fault. Your distance from her was protection for your heart. So much love to you and healing. You were parentified.

My mother died in October. She was abusive and a narcissist. I forgave her years ago and when she died I only felt sorry she had a miserable life. My therapist said it's going to hit you, that there's no hope of having a relationship with your mom. I haven't experienced any emotions either way. I lost my hope of having a mom in my twenties. Sorry you are hurting. Wish you the best.

Cried with you, sister. Your hurt mother was caught up in the cycle of hurt and hurting. I am so proud of you for breaking that cycle of pain and being the wonderful mother you are. You might feel broken right now, but what you did was to break this generational curse. Be happy about what you did with this pain, you somehow did not allow it to continue to Bryn. You are the kind of rebel we all need to be. Keeping you in my prayers.

Your raw honesty helps all of us heal through difficult and similar childhoods. Your story is our story too. We’re not alone. Thanks for your ability to share TRUTH w/o apologies is liberating for us all. Bless you at this very hard, tender times. 💛🙏

Bethenny, I cried with you, I felt every morsel of your pain with you but no regrets, you were amazing daughter and now an amazing mother and the generational curse has been broken with YOU my sweet friend. Think about that, that’s true success. You’re an overcomer. Thank you for sharing your life, it’s truly helping so many people to process their trauma. Much love. 🥰

I was stunned at the depth of despair I felt when my mother passed. It shocked me. She had a full life, she was 87. It wasn’t unexpected, yet her loss…was profound.

You are not a bad daughter far from it. You were born thank God with a survival instinct. I admire you so and I’m so sorry for your grief.❤️

Thank you for being so honest. You’ve helped more people than you will ever know.

I always liked and admired Bethenny, she's a no-nonsense chick who's smart as a whip and she doesn't take mess from anyone. A strong woman holding her own raising her daughter, I luv it!

Thank you for being vulnerable and open. You are not alone and there are so many people needed to hear this.

Write everything - all of it, get it out. It will be a bestselling book…. Your voice is a powerhouse we can all relate to and learn from. A thousand hugs 🥰

Bethany….what you are going through is absolutely a re-trauma. The same thing happened to me. Just walk through it and feel your feelings. Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable. You’re helping others. 🥺❤

Bethany I am in tears. You are describing me and my mum. She had a stroke and I moved into care for her. The cruelty shames me. I’m in my 50’s with grown children but around mum I became a child. Desperate for her love. Incredibly sad as well. I decided to show her exactly what I had always craved. Unconditional love. But it came with a huge price. Take care. Please cry and go through grief. We tend to avoid that tunnel as the pain is sheer anguish. But if we don’t grieve. We don’t recover. It’s incredibly hard to grieve for your parent and yourself at the same time. But you can do this.

My Mom was an unhappy lady and it was how I was raised. She married my father knowing he was an alcoholic. Her excuse to be unhappy and a martyr. She loved me , but could only show it in providing for me. It took me many years to take control of my life and realize I got all she could give. I learned it is up to me to not follow in her footsteps. I am so content with my life. I'm 84 and pity her life, what a waste. I tell all those I love how I feel. I choose to be happy.

I also had a horrible childhood with my mother. She had a violent, abusive father who gave her (out of 10 children) the worst physical, emotional, and I believe sexual abuse. She did not want me as she had a son and daughter, and I was an accident pregnancy. She never let me forget that fact. She would not tell me she loved me, and made no secret of why I was born. She physically abused me very badly and I never could understand why. My dad was a very good man, but he worked nights, and slept during the day. He didn’t know about the abuse, because she did those things when no one else was around. She died in 1982, and after she died, my mother’s brother and her niece told me a little about why she was the way she was. My grandfather had mental problems and my mother, one of her brothers and one of her sisters also had these mental problems. I have struggled with the way I was treated by my mother all of my life and am still trying to put it behind me, and I am 70. It is very hard, and this is why I never married or had children. I did not want to repeat the way I was treated. It is something that stays with you all of your life. I pray that someday I can forgive her and I try every day. I pray for you too. I wish you healing and the ability to move on. It is hard, but we have to try. 🙏🏼💕

Thank you for sharing all this…. Strength and love to you 💜

I recently lost my mom. She was 68. I still cry everyday.

As someone who grew up in a very similar situation…. ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE FEELING… I felt the same guilt when my dad passed but it was impossible to deal with him while he was alive…. My mom is 80 and I still can’t talk to her till this day I feel overwhelming guilt that she could pass anytime but she is still vicious and nasty to me and I have to protect my kids from that… For some reason, OR, NONE at all, some of us have a very cruel childhood and our parents tried to destroy us…. And yet here we are hanging on to guilt because we had to go no contact for our own sanity and protection…. 😢😞It’s something only those of us who have survived this dynamic can truly understand

Also, give yourself grace. You overcame all of this and became everything you lacked for yourself and for your daughter (your greatest legacy). Just extraordinary.

Grief is so crazy in the sense it is very very very very likely each grief does NOT go as expected

I am so so proud of you for talking about this!! You will definitely be talking to many who have experienced the same pain not just as a child but as an adult. Love to you!!!❤

I’ve finally found someone who understands the emotions I’ve HAD to live with all my life. The pain of parental estrangement, the pain of my own resentment. The pain of being unlovable and damaged and alone. The baggage of parental BLAME and the sense of responsibility that being their child brings because they’re your parent. It’s inexcusable. No one should ever have to grow up and go through their ENTIRE life carrying parental blame, abuse and estrangement simply because they were born. Thank you for sharing your story. It most certainly has impacted many adult children carrying similar experiences, including mine.

My mother has been mean to me my entire life. I recently realized it’s because she’s resented me since birth. I’m the one who stole her limelight and she was no longer the center of attention. It makes me sad because I’m 57 and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a mother who loves me.

When my Dad, a long time alcoholic, was dying...I came home to help take care of him. He was having many strokes but was so full of clarity in between. When we were alone, he said " I know there were things that were worrisome to you." I said, " But we're ok now, right Dad?" It was only a few words but it was 50 years of therapy for me. I am glad you are finding your therapy

Bethany so sorry to hear your sad news. As our late Queen said "Grief is the price we pay for love". Take care of yourself. I really think this was cathartic for you to talk all about your troubled childhood 😢. Peace be with you hunny bunny, hugs to you and Brin ❤. Love as always from Rosie O from Devon, England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

I've never heard B say "I loved her and I worshipped her" that is a powerful statement even though you also felt like she ruined your life which is valid

Bethenny, everyone grieves differently. Please remember it doesnt happen all at once, but in bits and pieces, so take all the time you need. Im so sorry for your loss dear one. P.S. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. ❤

Bethenny, This touched me so much. I was born in 1973 and I had a VERY similar relationship with my mom, who passed in 2009. It wasn’t addiction that had my mom, it was mental illness. Roller skating was my life, too. The music & lights helped me forget she was neglectful & abusive but for some reason I STILL wanted her to just love me. I stayed away from her because her outburst were dangerous & I did the same as an adult. I cried like a baby and listened to the Carole King song with your TikTok post because that’s ALWAYS how I felt - she was too far away. I won’t go on about it because I don’t want to trauma dump, I wanted to send you love and healing & let you know how beautiful your words were. ❤️‍🩹

I struggle every single day with the quilt of distancing myself from my abusive mother. You stopped the cycle of abuse! Your a GREAT momma! Xo

Grief is love with nowhere to go

I’m so sorry, Bethenny. 😢 My mother was a narcissist and an addict, and a lot of my childhood was similar to yours although I had a father who was emotionally immature and codependent but really tried to provide stability for my sister and me after she left. When my mother died of a drug overdose in 2011, I experienced all the same grief you are feeling now. Part of how I feel still today is the loss of the potential relationship we could have had if she wasn’t sick. It’s like you lose a parent and the fantasy of the relationship you never had. Your inner child is really going through it! I also feel guilty and like a bad daughter because I couldn’t repair it. I have a daughter, and like you l, I poured all the love and mothering into her. Keep doing this. It’s healing. My daughter is 35 and she’s my best friend, and so is her husband. Just know you aren’t alone, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m crying with you right now and I understand.

Bethenny, thank you for sharing this with us. It takes great courage to come to terms with trauma. You have so many people that look up to you (myself included). Speaking about this publicly and the rawness of what you’re experiencing is extraordinarily helpful. Wishing you healing & love ❤

Wow! Thank you Bethenny for sharing this part of your life with us. Thank you for being the one to break this cycle of abuse in your family. Your daughter is a blessed girl to have you as a Momma. ❤❤

I get it. You’re mourning the loss of what could have been, what should have been but wasn’t. It took me 15 years after my mom passed to see who she really was, a human who did what she did and that’s on her, not me. You have accomplished so very much. You took what life threw at you and created a life your mom couldn’t. You’re an amazing woman and you are lovable. I grew up in Nassau County, in the ‘70s. My dad loved Belmont Racetrack and I worked at a bank where all the trainers had their accounts. I hope you find peace in the coming years. ❤

When abused children grow up, they have a hard time going back to the nightmare of abuse and more often torture. Adults are often those young children who contnue to grow up but are basically stunted in the same place and times of scattered memories and nightmares of the abuse. During this grieving process, you began to grieve for that child, to comfort that child, and to make sense of things for that child. You protected and sheltered that child for so long and now you have slowly begun the healing by nurturing that child through talking about your trauma in this very podcast. May you continue to find peace through your journey as you heal the little girl that was always and is still so precious.

My mom was a big fan of yours, Bethenny. I lost my mom a year ago in June. My mom identified with your story because she went thru so much as a child. My mom was a very strong person-like you- and thrived in spite of it. AND like you, was a very good mother and broke the cycle. Sending you a hug.

You can hear the pain in her voice. Hope this was cathartic for her.

I lost my mom when I was around your age now. I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. God bless you.

I miss mine so much she was a great mom,kind ,loving, funny.All the best to you during this sad time of life.

You. My dear have broken a generational curse!!! You are not a bad daughter at all in fact you were such a smart daughter. As you distanced for protection but did not turn your back on her. So smart that you are living your life now doing everything you can. To not. Be like her!! God sent u a beautiful ray of sunshine. Your own daughter and you will fight for her you will teach her share with her. There is. Real pure luv for once. This pod cast was so real u put your ❤ out there. Please feel all of us sending hugs. Sending pure RESPECT!! Remember who u r Bethany. A wonderful caring loving mother. A divine child of God. Ba fantastic business woman funny bright n filled with luv to give. Visit this childhood trama. Bury it with your mom. And. Live all your days with joy at who you turned out to be. It’s a true miracle ♥️♥️♥️♥️🌹😘🌹🌹🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Heartbreaking. I'm so glad you shared your life and sorrow. So glad you can release this. Praying for you.

You gave your mama the ultimate gift. You gave her Bryn.

Bethenny, I've only been truly touched a handful of times in my life. Listening to you share your intimate thoughts about your mother melted my heart. I wanted to embrace you so much in the moment. For now, I can only give you an air hug and wish you well, but if we should ever meet, I will insist on a real embrace. You're a prodigious lady.💞

I commend you for being so raw & real, Bethenney.

It is sad when there is not a good ,loving relationship between the parent and child. All the best , you need healing.

thanks for being real B, you’re helping women everywhere with your vulnerability

There are No words except Bless you for being who you are. You are Real.

As the daughter of a narcissist mom who was the meanest person in my life I commend you for being able to maintain some sort of relationship with her! I have always loved and followed you! Thank you for sharing this, my own mom may have passed away last year and I haven’t even begun to process it. I just refuse to go there! Bryn is your guardian angel, and you are a fantastic mom! Sending love!!❤❤❤

Bethenny you are a strong,beautiful, successful, accomplished mother and woman, we all appreciate you everyday ❤I know you lift me up most days when I watch you on here! Ty for sharing with us as hard as it is for you to have done this. You are so appreciated and loved!

Thank you for being so honest. I am praying for you to have peace in your life.

Thank you for sharing this sensitive experience in raw honesty. Sending warm wishes

There is nothing like losing the person who knew you from your first breath. Regardless of how close ( or not ) you were with your mom, it's a painful, emotional experience. The task of grieving is really important. Prayers of comfort sent up for you Bethenny.

🌲🌲🌲🪻🌷🌻I know I’m a total stranger but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU for opening up about what I personally know to be the hardest thing I’ve ever tackled. This is so beyond brave! It may not mean much but if nothing else please know you have healed a part of some random girl in North Carolina. I had this mother and an alcoholic father. My dad wasn’t physically abusive but verbally, insane! Thank you. I pray God helps you heal from all of this with peace that surpasses all understanding!

Thank you Bethany. This helps many others. I have no words but to say You are so loved. To have Grace for yourself is the most healing gift.

You spoke so well I cried through your whole story

I have not talked to my Mother in 24 years….i am crying over what you have been through and I am feeling so sorry for myself too! Crazy emotions going through me. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I have just walled off that part of my life and you have cracked the door open for me.

Dear Bethenny, CPTSD, Complex Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m 62 and just facing and healing from my traumatic childhood, you’re not wrong!!! You cannot fix this overnight, it’s a process, I’m so sorry!!! Sorry for your loss, sorry for abuse, please be patient with yourself!!! Keep journaling, walking, talking… I want to hug you and tell you you’ll overcome. Sending prayers of healing and love.

Moved me to tears. Always liked you B, Godspeed through this journey.

I’m sorry for your pain- thank you for being open to sharing this. You are so strong and are doing a wonderful job turning things around and showing your daughter that you cherish her!

So sorry for your loss!! You're a good mom and changed the next generation.

Thank you so much for being so transparent and generous during such a difficult time.