The Monorail: $999 All-In-One Windows PC from 1996! 

There needs to be a disk image made available... for research!

@@HSAC.WDTK.DTKT.LFO. yes for research haha

Porn back then was so pixelated because of low speed dial up modems that you could barely see anything anyway. I get down on my knees and thank God every day for HD porn.

You young'un's don't even know what it's like to fap to porn at 320x240.

Would still be fascinating to see how much 18+ content online has changed over the 20 years that have passed.

Laptop resolution in 2011: 1366x768 Laptop resolution in 2019: 1366x768

@@seraphinax6449 It's funny looking back at some of these old 90's PCs and knowing that some these machines were considered elegant designs while now in the late 2010's we think of these as ugly beige boxes... well some of us

@@loganscomputerco.2599 Surely there were some timeless classics from the 80's and 90's that actually look more elegant than some of the modern-day machines.

SeraphinaX true but I was mainly referring to the beige box machines of the late nineties

@@CrazyTechReviews And some beige boxes were included in what I consider "timeless classics"

From what I’ve seen Clint (LGR) is pretty meticulous about cleaning, disinfecting and dusting out his machines so don’t worry lol

FIRST THING ON MY MIND

I'd pour a gallon of rubbing alcohol on the keyboard

2019 this was ...

@@haijehiemstra2883 this was what?

Same here. I learn on how to use computers around when MSDOS 2.0 came out.

First time I’ve ever heard it lol, seems familiar yet very retro-beepy, if you get what I’m saying, I love hearing xp’s startup sound

Culture.

I love that sound too

the Internet is for porn right?

@@benn454 For porn, porn, porn!

I have to admit I found my fair share of stuff on local BBS systems. Not a problem in SF, but I suppose it would have been more difficult in more conservative areas.

I knew a guy who bought a computer pretty early (late 70s, early 80s) but didnt get on the internet until nearly a decade later because he thought you needed a special computer to do it.

@@arthas640 well that would be late 80s, early 90ies then. still pretty early for home internet access. Didn't get a modem until 1998 or 1999.

Still downloading

I would say that the end of 80's fashion. Leisure Suite Larry 1 comes into mind.

The pussy house and teen flashers are two of the links I saw

As a kid I always wanted to try “buffering”..... I heard it was sexy .. lol

Gotta make some sacrifices here and there to fit all your important documents on a single floppy disk.

That's how old laptops were.

Ah. I see you are a man of culture as well

Monado?

Beat me to it by 8 months. Curses! Oh well... Main street's still all cracked and broken! Sorry Marge, the mob has spoken!

63 million users and climbing!

The previous owner got off on that too ;)

@@suborbitalprocess 😆🤣

It's just one of those modern gags. The internet will vanish into obscurity again. Just give it some time.

It'll never catch on. People will be bored of it by 2004.

At least

Haha! "Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct! Which is the best kind of correct." 'How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back' Man, I love me some Futurama. Some say too much... but I just switch to watching on my phone and put some earbuds in.

I had to look up current statistics after seeing that. Apparently now there are around 4.5 billion internet users.

@@PixelatedH2O which is over 63 million.

It's amazing how you could find TONS of stuff on Google back then, but can now hardly find squat on there in 2021. Oh how far........ backwards Google has gone. Personally...I think Social Media, ridiculously extreme tracking and ADS have totally ruined most of the greatness of the web these days.

@@brucewrigleysgumchewz4667 i mean all of the "tracking" is 100% optional and you can just get an ad blocker

More on the internet than drivers

@@brucewrigleysgumchewz4667💯💯💯

"Were you sent here by THE DEVIL?!" "Oh no dear sir, we're on the level."

"Is there a chance the jacks could bend?" "Not on your life, my Hellwyck friend."

"But the LCD has a line and seems broken" "Sorry consumers, our price point has spoken."

"The keyboards crusty and well worn" "It comes with HALF A GIG of PORN!"

Monoraaaaaiiiiil! Monoraaaaaiiiiil! Monoraaaaaiiiiil!

CamdenBloke Given Monorail’s obsession with outsourcing, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where the metal case originally came from.

11:35 Never knew that there's an actual purpose for the mouse trail function; I always thought it as a fancy gimmick only :D

Except you can't touch anything on screen

@@pistool1 Yep, it was intended for use on DSTN LCDs, from what I heard from someone else.

@@pistool1 The mouse trail function's primary design is for slower GPUs that have a hard time keeping up with screen updating. That said, it is a feature that is pretty much deprecated nowadays since drawing the mouse cursor and updating it requires very little.

Yeah Nario, that was pretty funny huh! LOL :-)

Complete with STN screen blur

What is that ?

Even games that utilize Motion Blur. Do it Clint!!

And today games want to take up GPU cores applying motion blur.

He sounds a lot like Tom Kenny.(Spongebob)

WHAT I SAY?! MONORAIL!!! WHATS ITS CALLED?! MONORAIL!!!

Mono meaning one, and rail meaning rail!

Cool

Sounds like Matthew Broderick

That old wives tale about going blind from looking at porn was a lot more accurate back in the days when you were squinting at a picture that took half an hour to load...

this joke is under appreciated

@underground leaks 101 what....

How to not reset a computer 101

@underground leaks 101 *visibly confused*

He enabled "sticky keys".

Cost-optimized inferiority - ah, my favourite kind of inferiority.

I literally was going to comment the same exact thing...LOL great minds think alike!

@@Aevilbeast Me too! Lol, "Monorail!" In Troy McClures voice of course🤣🤣🤣

I call it "Lanley's Law" - as any online discussion involving the word "monorail" progresses, the probability of it degenerating into a string of Simpsons references approaches 1.

Same here!

For me the moment I heard monorail all I could hear in my head was 'Monorail monorail monorail..'

For science!!!! Lol

What are you, in-SAIYAN?!

I blame passive matrix BSD.

That's a pretty random reference

ah, i see you are a man of culture as well.

Makes you wish for a nuclear winter.

That and the Simpsons are the first things that come to mind when I hear Monorail

Ah hell I now wanna play through fallout new vegas

AWM you didn't see the Simpsons episode. Classic Conan episode that can't be beat. Tisk tisk.

@@CorysCat r/woooosh

"... and that concludes our extensive three week video."

@@squareeyes9540 "And that concludes our intensive three-week course" Why would there be a 3 week video?

Are you from Ogdenville?

Yes great!

your Dad sounds like a real cool dude

HL didnt come out until late 98

@@patrik_x86 Yes we got the PC 2 years after it came out because it was cheap

Like your first boyfriend and first car, you never forget your first computer. This would have been a hell of a pc cause everything is there inside it. cdroms were super pricey on their own in 1996

5 F P S

I was relieved when it finally happened.

I was disappointed he didn’t say to stand clear of the doors when using the cd tray.

That was the first thing I though of.

Same here.

I was singing the song before i clicked

xdlol i heard "Wank" from a friend when i was 10 oh man that takes me back

this actually reminds me alot of my second computer, i was 10 or 11 and got a computer just a couple years older than this one and the previous owner manually deleted most of his files but when i was playing around with the computer I found a bunch of porn from the previous owner. I was a bit divided on that since on one side i got porn back when porn sites regularly filled your computer with viruses, making porn surfing a dangerous hobby for someone who isnt tech savvy, but on the other hand the porn was the weird kinky kind (mostly fairly fit guys with obese women 2-3 times their size)

@@arthas640 LOL

Vapourwave collab group name tbh

That's... A lot more credit than I'd give them but you have a point

And "rail" has to do with having to ship it back and forth to the company so they can upgrade it for you

Thank you!

@@billhicks8 A local bank in Atlanta had a dozen of these in the lobby for creating new accounts. It was an early online bank.

@@torquemada1971 That's awesome, I mean it's a great attempt for a company trying to strike out on their own. I'm impressed with the general quality of the software and sturdiness of the build. I imagine the costs of sorting out the screen for the consumer were the final nail for them though.

*pulls WiFi card out of mouth* Don't tell me what to do

Hmmmmmm Better disinfect that screen.

ya, you don't know where it's been.

Literally, same thought. XD

Or r/oldschoolcoolNSFW

So do you!

Throw him over the side!

It belongs on my SSD.

Beat me to it :)

You win this round 🧐

"i call the big one Bitey!"

@@DeadPollo Batman's a scientist?

This is more of a Shelbyville kind of thing...

He tweeted about it... Good lord that's a lot of porn. He said that like 60% of the drive is full of porn.

@@tyttuut so about 600 Mb of porn Downloaded by a 33.6K dial-up modem Viewed on a crappy 10" LCD Wow we've made progress

@@suborbitalprocess some people just THAT kind of horny horny.

@@suborbitalprocess Hey, it worked through.

@@_baniraaisu6711 @johntrevy1 I'm not dissing the guy, you work with the tools you have. Just marvelling how far we've come from that

You know what else isn't a coincidence? Monorail Mo is a blatant rip-off of Manic Mailman.

I knew that Simpsons clip would find its way into this somewhere. Was not disappointed.

First time I heard Clint say 'monorail' that song popped into my head.

Monorail-Quake single map.

Simpsons did it again.

Same man. Same

COS Can't Drive should have shined a black light on it

Just be thinkful he didn't get the mouse with it. Yuck.

Got it on Amazon! twitter.com/lazygamereviews/status/1193334460625948673

@@LGR I had to double take when I saw that I was like why does this computer need a 30 amp power cable

Looks like something for a clothes iron

My all-in-one Gateway from 4 or 5 years ago beeps in exactly the same way.

I like it too but it used to scare me at times.

I miss that and the RAM count. Why don't modern PCs do this anymore?

@@OmegaWolf747 a lot of them still do, they are just installed in cases that don't have any sort of speaker. And the RAM count runs in a "fast" mode or you'd be there all week scanning through 16 GB of RAM every time you switched it on.

I remember an old 1990's Dell tower my parents had that made all sorts of racket when started lol. Thing sounded like little elves running around inside pressing buttons.

Also looks like the more common POS

@@DumbArse I was trynna be nice to it 😅

No u

i thought the same thing

The POS system that we use where I work (AXPOS), really is mostly aptly named.... it is a POS........ It's a Windows 10 based system running on 25+ years old hardware (20+ old cash registers tied to the old main-frame.) You can imagine the problems!! :-D It was cheap.... so it'll do, it the corporate thinking here... ;-)

Windows 95 sound...

@Luke Robinett Yeah, the way it does the BIOS beep was very late-80s

True. But from personal experience the BIOS beep survived into the 2000's... At least, if you still bothered to hook up your PC speaker... XD

hey at least we now still have that novelty even in modern systems

there is a connection

Doesn't Apple also sell an iMac for $999?

Apple doesn't make computers.

@@Mr.Morden You're right, they make idiot bait.

We’ve gone backwards!

Sad, but true.

But this is no ordinary computer stand: it's iStand :D

Inflation

One of my boyfriends had one of those machines, he was always playing with that thing until I got sucked into the retro gaming world, I started with NES emulators then I moved on to DOS, sure some games sucked but still watching LGR made me realize retro gaming still worth it, and let me tell you it's a very cool spot to stay, I just love retro computers it's my thing they are my life, AVGN too is my favorite youtuber ever...

@Roo Smith Do you not realize how much $999 is in 2019? ;P

for archiving purposes of course

Content matter aside, I'm sure a lot of those vids are long-gone to time. It would be in humanity's best interest to archive them!!

Put them on Wankipedia

@@novafawks to add: when you manually search for 90's stuff on mainstream sites, 90% of the time the archives are incomplete. theres a subreddit that i know that has 90's and older: *r/oldschoolcoolNSFW*

I am honestly curious to look through that wank bank.

Agree indeed!

Joking aside, porn is probably the one piece of media with the most content lost over the years. So from a preservation standpoint, those videos are actually a great find as i doubt anyone else bothered to save them.

@@jimhjortsberg2990 That's why i save the can-be-deleted ones. Amateur or vintage.

Exactly, it deserves to be saved! I was only semi-joking about it being for historical preservation, it's scary how much and how quickly adult content vanishes

@@anew742 Regretity, copyright etc.

Number2 came here for Simpsons Monorail references. Was not disappointed.

Is there a chance the rail could bend?

@@seanwieland9763 me too.

@@RikoJAmado Not on your life, my Hindu friend!