I tell myself, as well as my daughters that, “Just because someone asks, doesn’t entitle them to an answer.” So please never feel pressured to answer such intimate questions.
I stopped working because of severe depression and anxiety. Whenever I meet old classmates, their first question is "where do you work?!" 😓 And family members who ask me if I'm never bored because of "so much free time"..... free time to feel awful and useless? I'm fighting a battle they will never understand.... It's exhausting. Thanks for bringing up this topic ❤️🙏 take care. Hugs from Denmark
Oh, I'm sorry you have to go through this, dear friend 💜 Sending lots of love and support your way. You're doing the best and the most important thing that you can do - take care of yourself.
I am not working but my husband do and we both are fine with out life. But all questions I get whenever I meet my cousins is about- why I don’t work and when I plan to start working, it is making me uncomfortable to the point that I am not telling the truth anymore, either I avoid subject or telling that I am searching for job
@@naturapura7819 I understand. I did that as well, for years, with my old classmates. But it's not worth it in the end, I think. People don't get it, but it's not our problem ❤️ hugs
I often use the response "that's just how things have turned out." It communicates that it's not a topic that's up for discussion with that person, and it's also true -- if certain things had happened differently in my life, the outcomes would have been different as well. Not everything is within our control.
I'm 46 years old, I don't have kids, I'm vegan, I grew up in a rich family, I had good jobs and today I'm poor and unemployed. My husband is 12 years younger than me. People ask me thousands of horrible questions almost every day. I've also learned to give answers that aren't real answers or that just break up the conversation.
As a new mother who was pestered for years about when I was having a child, I can confirm it doesn’t stop even after having a child. The question usually changes to “when are you having your second?” “Why aren’t you having more? They’ll be lonely” It never gets easier being asked and I can’t fathom why people would want to be so intrusive as to push the point!
I wonder how many you have to have before people start turning the corner and asking why you have so many. Don't ask me. I just have ducks. I'm allergic to cats and dogs and birds and basically anything dander. I'm probably allergic to myself... After all, I'm allergic to dust...
I get this question a lot too! People act like the worst thing you could do to your child is not give him/her a sibling. And people get REALLY pushy wanting an answer, but it's not socially acceptable for me to be like "look, it took 3 miscarriages over 2 years before I got one living child and I just physically and emotionally do not want to go through that again in an attempt to have one more living child"
i specifically want only 1 child, but it's good to know the questions come no matter what you choose, i can prepare myself then to answer why i don't want more
I have four children. The first three are boys, and I had a girl after three miscarriages. While shopping with all of them, a woman saw my new baby girl and said, You have your girl now, so you can stop." Even family members asked me if I knew how pregnancies happened or if I knew how to prevent them or don't you think you have enough. Now my babies are all almost grown. They want different numbers of children...from zero to a full house. I want them happy with their choices and hope no one treats any of them terribly.
One of the things I have enjoyed about getting older, is not getting the "when are you going to have children?" question all the time. However, I am now 60 years old and just last week found myself trying to explain to a male from another country and culture why I never wanted children. Why why why do I feel I have to explain this??? He kept saying "Oh, I guess it just didn't happen for you", and I felt so compelled to explain my mindset that this was a conscious choice. This man had four children by three different woman. Why am I not allowed to question that life choice? I thought those days of being questioned had passed, but I guess I need to think up a new brusque answer. Here is a true story: when I was in my 20's (in the 1980's) I met Jill Biden (now First Lady Biden) at my place of employment, where she also worked at that time. Her first and only question to me was "Are you married, with children"? The answer at that time was "no" to both, and there was dead silence after that as she walked away. I was really disappointed to get that reaction from another woman. Even my late beloved father-in-law told my husband and I that we were selfish not to have children. He had eight children! I always try to understand differing points of view and not question other people's choices. I wish I was shown the same respect. Thank you Ana for letting me vent.
Dear Nanette, thank you for sharing your stories, your vent made me feel validated in the best and kindest way 🤗 And the story about Jill Biden - wow!! Sending much love your way 💜
Hi Ana! Yes, I too am childless and at age 72 I do have a very isolated life. But I have come to the conclusion that it actually is an advantage for me. Not having kids protected my very sensitive HSP nature from years of noise and the chaos of child rearing. And now solitude gives me time to indulge in my contemplative mindset. We are sensitive creative people who feel deeply all the the positives and negatives we face every day. For me, adding the extreme challenge of having kids would have been risky. I probably would have been a remote, distant Dad, not emotionally capable of giving my kids the attention they need. Wow, I hadn't considered how AI would impact your profession as a translator. I remember you mentioned how the sanctions on Russia forced many of your clients to let you go, and now with AI a company probably doesn't need your services at all. Ana, you continue to show such courage and tenacity despite these economic disasters. I can only imagine how so much uncertainty is affecting you and Brian.
As a person who had a remote, distant, and verbally abusive father (who I will never refer to as Dad) thank you for not putting anyone through that. I think my children would have had some trouble from me as well. I certainly did not want to pass that on. Right now I am living with a roommate and my brother. All of us are single. And my roommate is a guy. Thankfully we have a three bedroom house. And thankfully the guys know how to cook. (Okay I know how to cook. It's just an awful lot of standing up. My body doesn't enjoy that.) When I was younger I would eat breakfast... Well maybe an English muffin, and lunch at the cafeteria at work, and then I would come home and maybe have a cookie. Also my oven had a strange odor to it and eventually we determined that yes my apartment had a gas leak. For at least a year and a half. Who knows what that did to me. But my landlady's son didn't believe me when he came to check on it. He said he didn't smell anything. And I didn't know that I could call the gas company. Finally my aunt did it. I'm not a creative type. I'm more an administrative type. Which basically was farmed out to the people who were the people that we used to work for. Everybody gets to do their own administrative work now I guess.
Hi Ted! Thank you for giving your perspective about parenthood being an HSP. This makes so much sense to me! And I can relate to a lot of what you've said. ⭐
Exactly. You make do with how your life turns out and look at the positives. Not having children allows you to spend your time doing other things you otherwise might not have done. And between the pandemic and climate change, I'm relieved I don't have children to worry about. Keeping myself and my dog safe is enough.
@christinac1681 on one hand, i sort of get it: when one works at a computer, they're more likely to have health issues/symptoms associated with a sedentary lifestyle, and docs need to be aware. Annoying nonetheless 😀
@@kp-2211 They don’t ask for that reason. They put people in categories of how deserving of treatment you are based on your job. If you lack one, they don’t even want bothered with you.
I was taught you could answer by asking, "Why would you ask that question?" or "What an odd question." Their response to the first may shape your response if the conversation continues. The second response is to be followed by your silence. Not all people have ill intentions behind their questions. But people will do what they do. They can ask. You're under no obligation to answer.
Great point. I've been fortunate to travel to 65 countries. I have an extreme interest in talking to people from different countries. Although I am understanding about the question being asked and always try to ask as Delicately as possible. I just have an extreme curiosity and love talking to different places.
That is so inappropriate to ask someone why they don't have children. I have been asked that also and I am a man. I guess to them my life won't be complete if I don't have a child. I have my own reasons and I don't feel like I need to explain them to anyone. When asked, "Where are you from?", I respond, "Why do you want to know?". They never know what to say after that. When anyone asks me, "What do you do for a living?", I respond, "Breathe".
Stealing that! I am disabled--not visibly--and taking care of myself is my full time job but if I say that, I'm met with a deer-in-the-headlights blank stare. Your one word response is PERFECTION! Thanks!
I also really dislike the culture of job identity. When I quit my job as a professor, one of my (male) colleagues asked me "won't you miss the respect you get in society when people ask what you do and you say you are a professor?" I had to laugh and say dude, that's not how people treat me, a short woman. When I would answer that way, people would laugh at me and say 'not really, you're too young', or 'you mean you're a high school teacher? that's not a professor' and I had to say no, I really do teach college. "Respect" was not something that I got as part of the job, but my male colleague couldn't fathom that.
Ana, I‘m 58, married and I don’t have children. I grew up in a very abusive family and my greatest fear was that if I had children, there was a possibility I could repeat anyone of the abusive patterns I survived. It was a very hard decision. My wife and I live a rather secluded life and that’s fine. I need a lot of space and alone time even though I‘m married in order to keep up my mental health. I get overwhelmed quite easily. I use to have an American passport, but traded it in for a German passport in the mid 80s (dual citizenship wasn’t a thing back then). A lot of people I knew criticized me on how I could give up the most sought American citizenship. I had very personal reasons to do so. Don’t feel uncomfortable answering questions you don’t want to. Just don’t do it. You share a lot of yourself and your beliefs here and that should be enough.
The child question reminds me of when my children died. People want to know if I have more, thinking that solves the problem. Trust me. It doesn't. Or worse, if I had more children, I should concentrate on them rather than focus on the loss. People can be insane! Lol!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I am 70 and I have never had children. In the 1970’s when I was looking for a job, they could ask you anything: how old are you? Are you going to get married? Are you on birth control? Do you think you will have children and if so, when? It was very disturbing, but it was par for the course back then. The older I get, the more I respect myself. I stand up for myself and my beliefs. I am sorry that you have been asked these questions and they have made you feel uncomfortable. Shrugging your shoulders is a great response.❤️
I think many people don't know what else to ask when they meet someone, maybe we should change the small talk topics to 'what music do you like ' or 'what's your favorite holiday' etc
I am single. I get asked why, for how long have I been single, and what am I doing about it…. Wow! I just am who I am. I usually just shrug my shoulders like you do , Ana🤷🏼
Oh yeah, I remember those types of questions too from the times when I was single. I just couldn't understand why everybody suddenly cared so much about my dating life and tried to give me their condolences for being miserably alone 😅
Imagine you have - 1 child: are you planning a brother or sister? It's better for the kid to have a sibling. Etc. - 2 kids: oh, 2 boys? Don't you want a girl? Etc. - 3 kids: oooh, that must be hard, you always wanted a big family? Etc. Why this country and not another? I love the food here (it sounds like go to hell, I don't want to answer:D)
These days I get asked questions like “when are you retiring” and “where will you move to”. “Are your daughters in serious relationships”. “Which daughter will look after you in old age”. I often close the conversation by saying “haven’t given it any thought” or “ I need to reflect on that question” or “ it’s all in God’s hands”.
A question i used to ask someone I'd just met was: "where are you from?". I loved hearing the answer and potentially learning something new but as a result of listening to you and others I rarely ask anymore. It's a shame that the question can be so triggering but i get it. I certainly don't ask in order to put anyone in a box but the many origin stories deepen my appreciation for us humans.🙂. I have no advice but I've read many comments and hope you feel validated and supported!
Ahh, I’m 38 and I have literally every other day someone asking me why do I not have kids? I feel so judged and sometimes even less of a person in their eyes. When will people realise that you just don’t ask such questions.
Sometimes, in these situations, I just politely smile and ask a completely different question of the person, changing the conversation to a more polite topic.
I love hearing your perspective! I’m 42 and childless by choice. I’ve never wanted kids; I don’t know what that feels like. But I have upmost respect for parents, and also know that it can be way more of a painful subject for other women who’ve never had kids to talk about than it is for me. It’s funny - on the subject of where I’m from, I hate that question as well. Of course, my situation is a lot different than yours, but still. Here in the US other states HATE Californians. And… that’s where I’ve lived for the past 15 years, before we started traveling full-time. When people ask now, I kind of dodge the question… And yes! I’ve always HATED the “what do you do” question, too! For a long time, the fact that I wasn’t “successful” in the eyes of society was a point of shame. Now, it’s something I’m proud of. I feel so much more free because I’m living life my way, on my terms, and have given myself permission to just be me, a “struggling” writer who travels, and lives in a different way than most. I think when it comes to topics like religion and money, people can get quite revved up because their ideology has become so tangled and wrapped up into their identity. So, any differing opinion is perceived as a threat to their identity. I think this is partially why there’s so much division right now. Like you, I despise small talk. I always let my husband answer and “hide” behind him in social situations. He’s a good sport, even though he’s an introvert too :) Thank you for sharing, you bring a fresh much-needed perspective. 😊
Hi Katherine! I've heard about the "Californian" bias before and can draw parallels with some regions in my home country. Again, people now move so much that it's so hard to tell exactly where you're from without overexplaining. Haha, and I do the same with Brian - hiding behind him in social situations 😅 Thank you for sharing your experience! Much love 💙
People are to nosey, privacy is a right. I agree that the questions are personal. As a childless by choice 56 year old for at least 30 years I was asked when. I seldom replied as the answer was so complex and is still so.
I am in my mid-50’s and didn’t have children. It wasn’t a decision, it just worked out that way. For me it was also a complex set of considerations that resulted in this outcome. I don’t regret this, these were things outside my control. It was simply my journey. Being without children has its benefits and nobody should feel pressured to have children. There are far too many people who have children for the wrong reasons and screw them up.
I definitely relate to the discomfort of the "What do you do for a living?" question because I don't earn a living from my work (although I'd like to). I am lucky enough to be able to survive based on my husband's income. I'm usually embarrassed to share that and it's no one's business, anyway. I heard a content creator once say that she "worked in digital media" and I really liked that. I might start using that and then just change the subject.
Ana, I just want you to know how much I enjoy your channel. I feel you have a gift to share things that many people feel. You help me feel not so alone . Thank you. Sending you love and light.
Dear Chiara, I was joking about "entertainment" 😊 I love making videos and sharing some things that I think might help other people not to feel alone in their situation. Sending love!💙
Your first question brought back some uncomfortable memories of I suppose well-meaning but nosy people who would ask WHEN my husband and I were going to have kids, not IF. We weren't sharing our very personal struggles with infertility and tried to just side-step the question. Many years later we did adopt a child but several relationships were already severed. Of course, we still got asked when we were going to adopt MORE children! Some people just want their curiosity satisfied no matter the cost to you. It's best to just try to not dwell on their insensitivity and move on. Thank you for your insights! ❤
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to deal with those hurtful questions from people who didn't know your personal situation. I agree, it's important to just move on and not give more attention to that. Thank you for your sharing! 🌷
My heart goes out to you, dear Ana. Those questions would be difficult emotionally for so many of us for so many different reasons. I'm a bit thicker-skinned now than I used to be, and I often respond with something like, "I'd rather not discuss that, thanks," when people start off down a conversation I don't want to get into. Or maybe, if it's a "why?" question, I say "oh, personal reasons." I'm polite but firm in shutting down the conversation. That's what works for me, I'm not saying anyone else should do what I do. We all have to find our own ways, and I found yours very interesting and totally in keeping with what I understand of your character.
Thank you I agree with all of these questions they are so common but rude at the same time I personally feel the worst one is asking people if they are having kids my daughter cannot have kids due to cancer treatments and she is not afraid to pull out the cancer card if someone would get to nosy that tends to shut them up pretty quick
Hello Ana, your responses to such questions are perfect. I have a simple rule - if somebody wants to discuss such topics , then OK, if not, all questions are pointless. Take care and have a nice week.🌹
Hello Ana. Hope you are doing well? Those uncomfortable questions are something we all know too well 😉. Whenever I was asked: why don't you have children? I used to ask them: why do you have them? A few couldn't give me a reason. I guess they were confused with my reaction. I just don't want to justify myself. The question about jobs is also uncomfortable. I always think that people only continue to invest time or talk to you if your job is good enough for them. And I agree, we all have to live as we want as long as we don't harm anybody. Take care ❤
That's a great question. And they would probably give you an answer. Every parent knows exactly why they had their child/children. But then, would you go back and answer your question?
People all too often can’t draw the line between natural curiosity and intrusion. Some may simply desire to connect and not realize how it can feel to the other person. Others just want their curiosity satisfied. In any case it can be rude. For times when my adult children have gone through difficult times, I really was uncomfortable when people would always ask “What are your kids doing.” They want and expect one to always have successful children. Just as you say it makes me uncomfortable, it dredges up emotions when I am working hard to deal with them, and it also is none of their business. When I talked to my sister about this, she made me laugh so hard. She said ,”Oh, I just put a smile on my face and make something up.” I love my sister. We are so different and I thought, wow I never even thought of that.
I always wonder why we get stuck asking the same questions when there are so many more interesting things to talk about - maybe we feel that without the 'context' of the answers to these questions it's hard to place someone. But really we are all on our own path - and everyone's path is really different even with the same answers to some of these questions! Xx
Ana, I decided to type this while I was listening to your content, so I could comment as you bring up each question. I agree, the question about children is no ones business but your own. As far as "where are you from?"; what difference does it make? Although it could be that the person asking the question has a real interest in learning about the world, which would make sense. The question regarding living anywhere has so many factors that it really is important to live where you can - your answer to this question makes a lot of sense. Our world right now has a whole lot of people (many sharing their stories on RU-vid) moving from one place to another, for various reasons. The whole "refuge" issue often means that people have to go where it is easiest to go, or is the most comfortable for them. Discovering new places and/or using a particular location as a base that allows exploration of other places is common and logical. The whole "what do you do for a living?" thing is overused and not very relevant (most of the time). What someone does for a living may, or may not, tell us anything relevant about who they are on a deeper level (their passion, interest, talent, and/or spirit long to express). Once again. Thanks for having the courage to dig deep into these (often) difficult issues. You are providing a wonderful service to humankind. Peace to all.
This reminds me of a conversation with a very "successful" cousin last summer. I thought I'd lead the conversation away from work but it turned out the poor man had no hobbies, no free time and nothing interesting to bring in the situation. Poor man. Rich but poor.
Exactly, not all questions are ill mannered nor are they coming from negative people. They are simply that - questions, conversation starters. Way to have a playful discussion.
Love that you're taking initiative to be transparent Ana 💛 There's been so many situations where others haven't realised the impact of their words & I have to remind myself that nothing is ever personal as everyone's having their own experience
Knowing that you now rely solely on content making, I am even more happy to see your subscriber number keeping rising, and us Patreons too (people, do become a Patreon. So worth it!). You make unique and important quality content. As someone on partial disability the job question has often been awkward. I'll talk about the general type of work that I do, when I have jobs. So an example could be: "I am a plumber and have worked in the field for many years" (I am not a plumber 😅).
OMG I'm shocked that women are still asked why they don't have children, or if they shall have children! Ana, I respect your need to protect yourself and keep things that are painful private. Also, I think it is wonderful that you are from Siberia! That is when I first discovered your channel and miss those beautiful insights into your life in Siberia and your childhood in the Soviet Union era. I look forward to your vlog each week; it helps me because you often express things that I feel. Thank you, and remember that you are a kind and lovely person.
I don't watch you for entertainment. I watch because the more I learn about my fellow humans, hopefully the more charity and understanding I will have.
I’m glad you brought this to light. Asking people about having kids is often rude. What if that person is infertile or their reason is private for another reason(s)?
What a terrific topic! I am going to adopt your shrug and several suggestions from the comments. What a great community you have here. Much love and support to you and everyone who commented.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such an unsettling topic. I rarely ask questions and take a person as he or she reveals himself or herself to me. I do not want to cause harm where none is intended. Stay kind and be yourself, Ana.
I think the content you create here is thought provoking and excellent. You have every right to be confident telling people what you do for a job. It is well deserved ❤
I can relate to all of this in so many ways! I never married or had children either, and I'm now at an age where most people seem to be financially stable or retired, and I'm going through poverty and a certain amount of isolation. As an artist who is also good at writing, I have few other skills, and online platforms are where the greatest opportunities are. Job narcissism is ever present it seems, especially in the U.S. My feeling is this: if someone has the skills and/or the physical ability have a regular job, they should be grateful! Creating content is a wonderful, exciting way to make a living that is gaining more respect and recognition, especially for those who are not afraid to let their uniqueness shine. You have answered these questions very well, Ana! Peace and blessings to you! ❤🌷🌼
Ana, I went through all those questions with people too, that is none of their business! You get engaged then it is when you getting married, then when you having kids, now we are old it is when are you retiring! Ugh! I just sometimes want people to go away. I completely understand how you feel and please know you are an amazing woman and doing the best in this 2023 world!
I've been following you since you had less than 500 subscribers for minimalism videos. When you announced a transfer to Serbia, I never wondered why you and your husband decided to settle there, and that is my ancestral country. I just figured something was easiest visa-wise. In real life, I do find people are extremely curious about career and ancestry, but in Canada there is more sensitivity over such questions than ever in the past, so most people avoid asking about this. I know many RU-vidrs feel that viewers are far too forward and feel too entitled to information in a way that would just never happen in real life.
Love your channel still! I find your voice very soothing and weirdly, a few days ago, I found myself reading and the voice in my head of the words were in your voice hahaha I found that funny, I wanted to share.
Dear Ana, you are so brave to share these personal thoughts with us and I understand your feelings about such questions❤. Stay healthy and enjoy your life❤️❤️
Ana, this is a very courageous video ...I admire you for your wisdom and healthy attitude! In my opinion, good online content creating is a mix of journalism and creative writing (with a camera on hand). This is a real job and it deserve respect!
Hi Ana, greetings from the UK, and thank you very much for this video. I am on the other spectrum as far as kids are concerned. I have 4! And the questions that annoy me in this sphere are: why do you have SO MANY?! (For your information 4 is like a milion in the UK), and also “so when are you having a girl?” (I have sons only and like it was MY choice that they turned out to be all boys 🙄). Also I absolutely hate it when people ask me “why him” when it comes to my husband. We are a mixed marriage and not everyone’s ideal “white” couple type of relationship. So thank you for these difficult topics. It is important to talk about them. And you know what… do not be afraid to be rude, ppl are already rude asking you all these questions. You can always use English politeness and diplomacy and say “I don’t mean to be rude but it is none of your business” 😁😁😁
Wow, you do have a unique experience, thank you so much for sharing 💙 Back in Siberia I have a friend who has 3 boys and she's being constantly asked about having a girl, which makes her pretty furious!
Ana, what a great video. Your so right. So, rude those questions that people sometimes ask. They can better mind there own business. Sometimes I think those are the ignorant people that ask those kind of questions……
I've come up this: "I let the storks fly freely without heavy luggage. Don't you think there's other more interesting birds? I just saw several Goldfinches yesterday. So beautiful. Do you know the symbolism of the goldfinch in art history/native American people/as a soul animal?" This confuses the person asking so that it's his/her turn to feel uncomfortable or just move on to totally different light subjects.
Ana, I support you in this totally. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you do something, or do not. I hate those same questions myself, too. In general many people are shallow and opinionated, sometimes to the point of aggression. It is terrible that you have been severely judged for carrying on with your life in the way you see fit. I understand what that feels like. You don't need to divulge anything to anyone, especially when you can sense the other person may respond negatively. Keep yourself lovely and kind, as you are!
I as a single woman don't have a paid job for various reasons. When people ask me what I do for a living, my answer is I work from home. Once I had someone who brought my new bought couch in my house. He had the nerve to ask if I had a boyfriend and if not, why? People think they can you ask anything and everything. It is ridiculous! Such things are very private and is nobodys business. It is very uncomfortable and confronting. I don't like it at all. It can be very difficult to resist the pressure that people put on you with their rude and shameless questions.
Hi Ana. I am Ana from Colombia. Living in the USA now. The " where you from" question totally get it...but I learned to not care and show how resilient and happy we are ❤. The passport part...I understand your feeling...my response was "because we want to" and that was the end of it. People in some countries will not understand so don't even bother trying to explain. And the what you do for living...that is a very American question...In some cultures people LIVE to WORK and buy lots of junk then retire and done. Don't take their questions personally. Great video.
People can be incredibly rude, and I don't tolerate it! When asked what I do - I respond " about what"? After that they only have to look at my face to see that the question is not appreciated and it ends there. When someone asks the very personal question of where are you from or what nationality are you, I ask them why they want to know or ask if they are writing a book. Again the look on my face tells them the conversation is over. Again, these are incredibly rude questions, and anyone with the proper upbringing would not ask them. If someone wants another person to know something, they will tell them directly or let it naturally come out in a conversation.
You are so lovely and respectful Ana!! Even with these uncomfortable but unavoidable questions... Regarding the first question, yeah! It seems like people loves to just know that in order to put a person within the "familiar and recognizable box"...and having some one to talk with in a comfortable-or-something way. Sometimes I just think is an automatic question for people who is not happy with their life choices (having kids, among of them) and find "another one" to 1)share each other this "life not completely good for them" or 2) Make others feel bad (the ones who don´t have them) since they see them happy. Anyway, I always say, that even if one regrets of having or no having kids (that happens, as many other things), that is better (I think) not having. If you regret of that later, you have options like adopting...but, if you already have children, it can be a hell for you and for them not being that complete parent for them. Thank you Ana. Take care :).
Hi Ana, your authenticity is so refreshing. The entitlement people demonstrate with the tactless things that come from their mouths is mind blowing. We have advanced in science, technology, medicine but regressed in humanity. The internet is irony on steroids.
Nobody should be pressured into having children. If they want to have children, can afford to have children and have support then go for it, but if they don’t want to for whatever reason, then that’s OK too. Raising kids is a lot of work. It takes away most of your time and money and nobody should be pressured into it. There are many considerations and climate change is also a big concern
Hello Ana. I've been asked many times in my life if I have children. No, I don't. I didn't want to have children. I also have reasons for my decision - complex childhood trauma being one of the issues for me. I have never been married and never wanted to be. In slight disagreement with you, I do not respect everyone that has children, when I see or hear about the way a lot of children are treated. Actually, animals can give so much love.
"I don't want small talk to turn into big talks." 😆🤣. I love it. It's how I feel when a retail person at the checkout asks me how my day has been so far and what I have planned for the rest of the day. When I feel like saying, "It's Saturday. I'll do whatever I want with my day. I'm not explaining myself to you."
I can relate to that "are you russian" question so damn much. I hate when people ask me about my roots and origin, it makes me very uncomfortable and creates a barrier that i'd rather not have with people. I just have no idea why does it matter and what does it chnage like I'm still a person, an individual with my own personality and issues.
Ha ha ha. Where I come from the answer to impertinent questions would be, "None of your !@#$%&! business." I know it is not polite, but neither are some questions that people ask. I like your shoulder shrug answer. My daughter and her husband decided children were not right for them and as much as I would love more grandchildren, I totally respect their choice.
This was such an interesting video, Ana! It always amazes me that, especially when you're an online presence, people think that they have the right to know everything about you and your life. If a couple don't have children, it may, or may not have been by choice. Either way, it's nobody's business but their own. I think your responses to these awkward questions were fantastic! People will open up and share if they want to share their situations, but if not...don't ask! Love from Australia!
Yes, Ana, I agree with you about being uncomfortable with what I consider deeply personal choices, and people judging you based on your answers, or not answering. I also use the shoulder shrug, and sometimes borrow the Indian custom of the head bobble. Noncommittal, but it saves me from making the mistake of overexplaining and regretting it. All the best to you.
I don’t kids either. What I do have are great friends, a great career, and a great cat. I don’t ever remember making a conscious choice not to have them, I’ve simply been busy. I take courses, I go to film festivals, and share cat memes with my neighbours. Thank you Ana, for openly addressing the sometimes, unaddressable #noshame “world’s most hated couple” LOL
Your responses are so gracious. People are curious and I’m sure there is no malice in the asking, but I’m sure it can be really hard to constantly being asked those questions.
Ana, i want to ask you another uncomfortable question (you don't have to answer me, just answer yourself) : Why do you feel that you have to answer stupid questions from strangers? I have asked that question of myself and once i was able to answer myself, a wide path to feeling better has opened up in front of me...
Hello Ana! Thank you so much for filming this video! It must have been exhausting. This is the first time I hear someone saying exactly what I feel about unsollicited advices and small talk in general. Like you, I find those very intrusive, disturbing and sometimes agressive. Like you, I don't have kids, in a multi cultural marriage (EU+Russia) and I was a translator, so I know what you mean ;) I haven't found the best way to behave when confronted to people's unwanted opinion/advices/comments, so far I have just restricted social interactions as much as possible. Sometimes I did tell semi-lies because that it fitted what people wanted to hear., none of those two options are good. I will try your tricks. Thank you very much again
I almost never ask people about their background or their lifestyle unless they bring it up first, because I know what it’s like to be asked these questions and then be treated badly for my answers. It’s so frustrating that mean people have ruined the process of having curiosity about others. It’s a big reason why I rely on the internet for social interaction. I get to learn about people and their experiences based on what they willingly share. Listening to channels like this helps me feel so much less alone. There are other sensitive, curious people in this world 😌 It is so comforting to be reminded 🌍❤️
It was interesting to hear your views on the subject. Personally, I have found the questions about my profession distracting. I started studying art when I was young and it was difficult when people asked me what I was going to do for a living in the future. This continued even after I graduated. Later, I have been a part-time teacher at an art school and I am no longer bothered by this question.
I'm in the US and I have Hispanic ancestry. When people ask me what my nationality is, I tell them I am an American, I was born and raised in the US. It really irritates people but I don't care because they are rude for asking.
Thanks for your openness and honesty Ana. I have found your video really thought-provoking and I have to say I'm totally guilty of posing the second question to other people. I am a curious person and I consider meeting people from different cultures a privilege and an opportunity to learn, and now I realize that's not very empathic or sensitive. I really do hope that life works out in the best way for you both.
@victoriareboiro7742 I ask the same question and don't see anything wrong with it and actually I would be very happy for other people to asking me where I'm from etc, then it's up to me to decide how answer. In my opinion we shouldn't be creating a world of fear, curiosity is natural and healthy. I think we just need to learn and improve how we ask questions 🙂
Lovely and very important video, Ana. Thank you. And I don't think you're impolite for protecting yourself and your privacy. Those who knowingly violate your boundaries are! 😘❤
Thank you Ana!!! I know it must have been very hard to make this video but it was so helpful to feel we are not the only one who feel that way and you have given brilliant tips on how to deal with nosy people. All I can say is that I understand you 100 per cent and feel exactly the same!!!
I love it when I'm at a party or whatever and someone asks me what I do. I talk about my career. Why are people so upset by being asked this question? In American culture, we are told not to ask.
Because people get pigeon holed based on response, what if you are unemployed or your employers business folded or you work at Amazon warehouse or you are a stay at home mum or you care for elderly relatives. Or maybe you're a doctor and you don't want to spend the party giving free medical advice or avoiding giving advice as at a party you can't get all the info you need to answer. My husband used to say he was a mortuary technician to get folks to stop. Maybe you have a career but lots of people in the world just have a job to pay bills etc they may hate it etc etc Unfortunately many people judge other people by their answer and some people stop talking to people if they think they are not worth wasting time with as no networking opportunity. I am sure you are not like this as you wouldn't have asked why it upset some people. Also some people just want to forget work when they are socialising and not talk about it.
I am not sure if I deem questions impolite (although I pick this up more from comments, you made a reference of those questions being 'common') . They might cause me unpleasant emotions, but this is due to my circumstances, and I own my story. I think it's good to have strategies for answering questions that's are likely to happen that allow us to share the amount of vulnerability we want. It's pretty empowering. Your story is AMAZING, and I am always greatfull that you are so kind to share it here, but I appreciate it is on yours terms and time, and not a random person in the coffee shop. Asking questions is exposing some vulnerability as well, the openess to connect...some of us are more direct then others. Sometimes we are lucky that people open up, as they feel we are 'worth' the connection and sometimes those doors are closed. Please note this comment also comes from a person, who will deliberately walk an extra mile to minimise the risk of any potential interactions/questions when her introvert nature is taking over 😉 Have a lovely week my dear friends!
Dear Bogusia, I always enjoy your thoughtful, honest and kind comments! "I own my story" - this phrase spoke to me. Very powerful and inspiring. Thank you! 💙
