The Most Hilarious Things That Court Reporters Have Ever Recorded To Be Said In Court  

Was it from the autopsy?

Or laughing hysterically

I was on a jury where the reporter and the judge started laughing at a comment the lawyer made under his breath, and the judge had to call a recess, but unfortunately in the jury box we couldn’t hear what he said. I’ve always been curious about that.

Same here!

I would have been fined by the judge to doing to much noise 😂

@@khaelamensha3624 Not when the judge was busy laughing

I did not know until right now that lawyers were this stupid. 😐

My forehead would be red and hurting

It's actually textbook law that has such very precise sentences. Sometimes textbook law sees the light of day and then nobody except a lawyer or attorney or law student beyond the second semester really gets it.

@@Katharina-rp7iq I had to read this 3 times to understand what he wanted to ask. I really don't want to know how often this question needed to ask orally. It might even make sense, but could have been split up somewhere in the half for a chance to understand it... I mean, in german there are long combined words possible and even very long sentences, but I must admit, this sentence is an all-time high for being non-german.

@@deineroehre The CIA, NSA, NASA, and DOD have attempted to decode that paragraph-long sentence, in case there were national security implications. So far they have been unsuccessful in doing so.

Lol, I would have asked to “rephrase” citing inability to understand the question. Why, because I have read it a dozen times and still can’t follow it. If spoken, I wouldn’t be able to remember the whole question.

@@mikemesser4326 How does one rephrase gibberish? :)

That’s impressively British

LOVE it!

That's definitely something Phoenix Wright would say. 😂

This feels like a Churchill quote

Yep spécial thanks for the ones performing the autopsies 🤣

A lot of the obvious questions are because, for something to be established in court, the *witness* must say it. The lawyer can't just infer it from a previous statement or prior knowledge, he *must* get the witness to confirm it. Which leads to questions like whether the 20-year old was 20 years old.

​@@9Johnny8like this? 3:16?

@@AZ-dj1ni Pretty much, though I _think_ that one is just unclear phrasing. If by "stairs" the lawyer means all the stairs in one stairwell, rather than a single flight of stairs, the question makes more sense. It's a bad idea to be that ambiguous in court, though.

But you can be the dumbest and practice law.

​@@9Johnny8thats good tho know, I was starting to lose the last tiny bit of faith in humanity i have left.

@catlover2223: It's entirely possible in some Country Music Songs!😂😏🎤🎼🎵🎶🎸🎹🎻🥁B.W.

That happened to me on my 4th suicide!

He's saying the guy with no brains could be the attorney not the brains itself

That reminds me of a job I had in the 1970's, I was a government bus driver and we had some REEEAAAL smart alecs on the job. Once at Circular Quay (Sydney, Australia) I was talking to a fellow driver in a long que of busses and he was the next bus to leave. ALL the buses were parked about 6 inches apart and a lady came up to his bus and asked what bus leaves next. His reply? "Third one down, lady". ANOTHER time the same driver was asked by a female passenger "How long is the next bus, please?" His response? "Same as this one, love. Thirty eight feet". And they wonder why I gave up driving busses and became an accountant!!

That’s funny

Not to ruin the airy but I don’t get it. Is there a law where you live that prevents parents and children from serving jury duty at the same car?

@@Judo593 There is! And that’s why I kept asking to be dismissed! It’s not like ‘Binns’ is an entirely common surname in my area

Extra surprising no one made the connection with the names Icarus, and Daedalus Binns.

@@emordnilap4747 I wish my dad had such a cool name. He has the boring name of Bruce

I've always been told, "There are no stupid questions"... I don't believe that anymore 😹🤣😹

Donna, that's what my mother used to say, too. She said other silly things that make me smile when I remember them.

😂😂😂😂

"Since ". "Can you prove that?" - "Sure. Here's the certificate!"

@@realulli LOL, she was 21 and pregnant so not a piece of paper I needed to still carry around lol

Well, technically you may have adopted her when she was ten or something ...and some folks would call a stepdaughter "my daughter"

@@lilymarinovic1644 No kidding. The anecdote was supposed to be light hearted. If you encountered the US border guards at that crossing you'd know that there were more than a few who were dim light bulbs. I got the same guard another time and he sent me inside, along with every other vehicle. He wouldn't even look at people, just ask absurd questions and sent us in. The supervisors inside were furious to see a line up of 20 people from one jackass.

I heard a friend use the 'have you lived in so-and-so all your life?' gag in the 90s, and knowing him, it certainly wasn't the first time he'd said it.

There's an old one that goes: Attorney: "Where was he shot? In the fracas? ("Fracas" is old term for a fight or quarrel). Witness: "No, just above the navel."

When I took it in MD it was a two-day test - one day multiple choice, the next day essay.

It’s all stolen from a book.

@@YeahNo But is it a book about dumb things lawyers have done? Because it could all or partly be true even if it is plagiarized. Or is it from a work of fictional comedy about the world's worst lawyer?

@Buddy Austin That book is from 1996 but I have seen most of these way before that. So I have to assume they either rolled around on net-news or there were some ancient ftp site with many of these stories.

@Buddy Austin No, I just remember the law stories and flight controller stories I did read while at university. A time before Internet as we know it now, so I spent quite some time digging around for fum stories etc.

I might think so, but I've read the deposition that my late father-in-law gave and some of the questions, and his answers, could easiily been included in this video.

Perhaps you mean minimal IQ.

@@frederickwelham3829 it's funnier if you keep it how he said it. :D

No you were correct!

No, you are correct. The questions prove it.

Your IQ must be this many to practice law.

BIL is a widower, not a widow.

Lawyers aren't that bright? Neither was your bro-in-law ... he was a widower not a widow.

@@maggiematthews3517 no that was my bad! Of course he's a widower!

It had already appeared at 1:18 -- it's the one from the title card.

@@stevevasta thanks for the clarification 👍

Happens a bit too often on YT:(

It covered the last three or four.

Lawyer: You were there until the time you left? Is that true?

Part ll Judge, to barrister: "Perhaps you could frame your questions in more simple terms." Barrister, to nephew: "Was your uncle given to talking to himself when he was alone?" Nephew:" I don't Sir, for I was never with him when he was alone."

I don’t get it

That was a joke

I like beer!

'Merica. Lol 🤣

@@ashh4929 nothing unique about the US there... I got asked a question in a foreign law suit setting that was just as stupid as some of these...it was D U M B to the point that the presiding officer of the court shook his head and laughed... and told the questioner to move on with taste....

@@charlesroberts3650 Beer r gud- it make u clerv…cluvv…clevv…it make u smart! 🍻 (I love beer but am currently on a drought due to various issues relating to my health…and wallet)

No, most end up in the House, and Senate.

Well repeated!

And still hysterical 😂

He could also mean, if they go up to the higher level from the first floor.

@@pbtube58 Depends on the wording. The stair from basement to ground floor can't obviously be the same as the stair from the ground floor to the first floor. Except there would be a continous stair from the basement to the first floor with some sort of exit or "platform" on the ground floor. But this is not really usual since a lot of space is wasted and so the stair from basement to ground floor ist mostly directly under the stair from the ground floor to the first floor. So yes, the stairs might go up also, but not the same stairs. Since in court every single detail of the wording of a sentence can have huge impact on the outcome, it is wise to put in a perfect wording...

The stairs do not move. Only the usage changes, whether you are going from the bottom to the top or the top to the bottom.

​@@deineroehreyeah, the question in common context sounds weird, but in a legal setting it's perfectly fine, it's basically ascertaining if someone would be able to use that staircase from the basement to the first floor

​@@deineroehreNot as a continuous stair, no, but stairs very often zigzag back and forth or spiral as they climb a multi-floor building. Imagine you're on the 2nd floor of a 5 floor building. Do the stairs go down to the 1st floor? Yup. Do they go up to the 3rd? Also yes. When I talk about standing next to the stairs, is it clear whether I'm thinking of going up or down? Not really, I call the entire stack "the stairs".

And passed a state bar exam (if in US)

I've never had a lawyer with any imagination (nothing like the super sleuths on the TV). My ex had to virtually do a ventriloquist act to get him to explain that, since the driver had been found guilty of possession, then all charges against her should be dropped and I had to point out that since the registration document stated DVLA and not DMV, that the DVLA sending a letter to the wrong address was their fault.

One may be book smart, while lacking the ability to apply their knowledge to the real world. I have met such people, unfortunately they were sometimes my bosses.

Quite a few of these is just getting the record straight, or pointing something out, Yes weird in common parlance but for a case can make a major difference

It was just one of the other slides repeated.

paspax is right: the content of the last photo is a repeat of the photo from 1:16 (which is also the thumbnail for this video)

@@spkebrannigan7719 and @paspax. Thanks to both of you.

No prob! 👍🏻

Nah, quite a lot of these aren't scary, it's just making sure that everyone is on the same page and knows the fact, Yeah it looks stupid out of context but often it's important to state it

Betcha it wasn't a law office 😉

alternative answer: your honor, i require an interpreter for that question. My limited mind only hears gibberish.

Sometimes it is several minutes before the last minute.

They are... but people have to read them 😱 (that's why not more 🤣).