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yep , my first rs was like this kinda. i liked him all bc of his looks and bc he was funny. meanwhile he wasn't sure ab himself and wasn't stable, and js being in the rs js fr the sake of it. he was really busy nd we barely talked, only been on 1/2 dates the entire 5 months. everytime i checked up on him and showed him i care he was dry, nvr said gn/gm, no updates no communication nth. all those months i was blind to see he wasnt even srs. i kept thinking i needa be thr to support him at his worst and celebrate at his best but what's the point if he nvr had feelings in the first place, all those affection js fr the sake of it, i was confused cuz sometimes he seemed like he was srs ab it nd sometimes we talked as if we were friends . i was too humble then. we argued alot n towards the end we didn't talk 3 days straight. so i typed a para ending things and he typed a para saying he was thinking ab ending things too (most sincere and undry para he ever typed in 5 months) and yeah we js ended things.
@@yfsmilesfrujust improve your communication skills and be genuine like that's all you need to maintain a long term relationship with anyone and not only with your boyfriend but in overall sense
YES, you are right! But I think knowing the girl of your dreams will make you want to be able to deserve her, if the person has the right mindset. Both parties have to be in the same position.
Idk while it is more important to be a green flag part of that is not obsessing over people you're incompatible with and are pursuing people genuinely. For that it helps to know your 10/10 people because if you are pursuing based on non-superficial stuff that is a green flag.
Absolutely right ✅️, i feel like everyone is so obsessed in finding red flags in other people but no one actually tries to self-reflect and see if we are good people as well, we should do that more.
"I wasn't attracted to her. I was attracted to the fact that she was attracted to me". I think most of the people go through this at least once in their life time
bro i am scared that my current bf thinks the same way for me but my gut says that he actually likes me but i may be blinded by love do u know any signs that i should be looking for to know his true feelings
@@danielle-bi3tkjust ask him if he liked you because you liked him, or if he liked you because he actually saw traits in you that he liked and saw you attractive.
@@iSplitAnAtom my friend asked him this and he said no i actually liked her since a year before she confessed . and he said the same thing to me while we were having a convo . but even tho i didnt confess at that time i feel like i was making it pretty obvious that i liked him and he might have catched on to that and started liking from then on
Bro i swear we’re not an alien species, idk why people act like women need to be studied to search for green and red flags in them also the same principle can be applied to men
While I agree with this, I do believe that we (both genders) should check for red and green flags in the opposite. A lot of people would not want to be with a drug abuser, a red flag. I think this transcends beyond relationships too. These traits can be found in business partners, friends etc too.
FRR i hate when ppl are like "how to dissect the female mind" or that stupid "pizza comes in a square and it's made in a circle but you eat it as a triangle" analogy. bc not only does it present women as an otherworldly species, but it creates the idea that all men are simple-minded. no, we are ALL complex bc we're HUMAN!!
@@MishaMikhailovichit’s not inherently a bad thing. Women grow up with a lot of shared perspectives and experiences, as do men. Thus, sometimes men need help understanding those perspectives and experiences they themselves did not grow up with. It can be extreme at times, but how else would you do it?
@@gektoast4968 i do get that, but it's kind of weird that most of the people making that type of content are men themselves. like if you want to understand a female perspective, why not go talk to a woman? i agree with you, but we're talking about very different things. you're talking about when people genuinely want to know what the other gender may be feeling/experiencing and have no ill intent, while i'm talking about those podcast bros that tell macho men what they want to hear even if it's not true at all.
Yeah that made me upset, that skin colour matters to even ruff :( I thought he only wants a good girlfriend whos supportive caring and all, but he seems a red flag himself
@@RodionRaskolnikov333its stupid to base your type solely on skin colour 💀💀 like we're looking for a person that we're want a relationship with not a main character in a story. You're looking for a human nota robot, plus if you fall in love with the right person rhose things won't matter
if they apply then just learn them from here and apply them in your life anyways, good advice is good advice regardless of who it is preaching it to you
These are exactly my standards in a boy as well. And that is why I've never dated anybody since I've never actually found the right one (no rush tho) as I take the time of being single to improve myself & my life so that whenever I meet the one, I'm in my best version. ⭐
Hey Ruff, I know you mean good when you uploaded this, and I mostly agree with your perspective about the certain qualities a general dream girl people could have, especially as a person on self-improvement. What I kinda disagree on is the notion that you're kinda arbitrarily laying a sense of intrinsic value on a woman based on whether she's on self-improvement or not. I mean, I completely agree with the whole schnitzel of how certain habits will define life trajectories. If you translate it to how you view and handle the actual relationship, imo it seems that there's this type of conditional love where "if you are not this, I don't like you anymore." or "if you can't improve yourself, I have no other choice but to leave you behind. " I also disagree with the notion that moving a girl from level 0 to level 1 is very hard. Is it hard? Sure. Will it take a lot of time and effort? Of course it does. Does having a girl who has bad habits affect your progress because she kinda influences you? Absolutely. But isn't the nature of healthy relationships that you accept them wholeheartedly as they are without judgment along with their flaws and imperfections? That when you love and accept a person for who they are, isn't that where growth can begin to happen within a person? Isn't it a given that when you're in a relationship, growing together will take a lot of time, patience, and understanding from each other? Okay, let's suppose they're degenerate in a sense that they still have some bad habits that they do that would objectively say that their life will go to shit in x amount of time. Wouldn't it be easier to understand where they're coming from if you actually wanted to help them grow? To understand the motivations and the underlying precursors as to why they act a certain way, then help them understand that they need to leave that space in order for them to become better? Sure, they can definitely choose whether or not they wanna shift their path or not - they're their own person who can decide how they wanan live their life. I would as though is, isn't the point of getting people onto self-improvement meeting them where they're at and then going from there? Then, sure, it'll set you back a bit because it's gonna take more time. I would still argue that if you have found the actual person you wanna spend your eternity with, doing shit like this is worth it because you love them that much, and you actually wanna see them blossom. Idk if you'll actually see this shit, but for other people who do, I'd like your input on this.
@@charlmasherblitzgaming809I really like your take on this. Sure I do agree on some points of Ruff, but I do see the negative flaws in this "conditional love" mindset.
You're right. If u want the real one how would the "gotta be this and that" make sense? U just love whom u love, and work from there. That's love and lifelong relationships. This dude in the video throwing me off big time, i don't understand him 💀💀💀🙏
@@HellaHamster the main takeaway i'm getting from this is the separation between "must-haves" and "preferences." you can be open-minded and keep your "checklist" small, but it's not unreasonable to have basic standards like loyalty. i definitely don't agree with everything ruff is saying lol
Ig same goes for while looking for a green flag boy. ( Extremely useful especially nowdays when we are blindly getting into or 1-2 month or toxic relationship ) Thank you ruff you are actually helping alot us in self improvement and especially for me being mature
Ok, last comment lol. I believe this applies on all relationships , including partnership in business AND friendship, a bad friend is gonna pull you down and so will any other bad partner. Golden Advices fr, the thumbnail is being too specific but these are universal suggestions.
Funny thing is, I never fully agree with ruff on most things. Not that he's wrong, I just have my own self improvement ways that fit me more as an Bangladeshi teenager. And also I cringe everytime he says big tittys😂. Anyways, for all the other south asian teen girls out there, just don't get into the romantic shit until you get into a good university. And when you do, remember that knights in shining armours don't exist. Just be the man you want to marry. No one is going to financially or emotionally save you, bro. Guys are a huge waste of time. Have fun, but don't take it too seriously. At least that's my philosophy. You don't have to necessarily agree to it, but do consider this approach.
I wish i came across your reply when I was a teen obsessed with toxic serials and thinking the same thing would happen with me too. i stuck with a toxic boy for so long because i thought thats how love works. i was soooo wrong. Now i am working on myself and building my dreams.
I think it’s genius how rather than listing a few traits that everyone should look for, Ruff gave advice on how to find the right person for you-it hammers home the message that there is no one “perfect universal partner” because everyone has different values and needs. We all gotta just take the time to reflect on what we expect from ourselves and value in others
8:31 eh I don't really agree, instead of trying to convince her to do things, isn't it better to talk about how self improvement is necessary? I mean think about yourself, you too didn't know about self improvement but once you got to know it you had the ambition to do it right? The girl could have that ambition too! So just talking about self improvement isn't bad at all and you really don't have to switch a person for it lmao. anyways great vid as always! :))
its not that simple though, people tend to stick with their path even if they know the better path, simply because its hard to do something that is not their identity, ruff mentioned this before. You do have a point, but if we are trying to find the perfect girl for ourselves, we would usually prioritize ourselves, because this is a important decision. So to put it in a harsh way, instead of using our time talking to someone who is not ready to change (atleast at the moment), we could go for someone else who already took steps to change. this is all due to the fact we don't have enough time, well, if we already have feelings for them, this strategy will be horrible 😆.
Yeh I totally agree with you. My girl, I met her like 2 years ago... And, we both were, in a way, "degenerate" -Not on Self-improvement -Watching/Reading Anime/Manga all night -Eating junk Basically a typical High School Couple... But, then I met people like James Scholz (did 12 hour Study-with-me streams) & Ruff. That's when I knew the meaning of "Self-improvement" And then I talked to my girl... Yeh it was tough at first... But after like a year or so... She surpassed me... (She is like level 2) And I'm here... Still failing to be on track... She is my role-model now... It's okay to do some work for the girl you "REALLY" love... It took me a year, it might take longer for you... But at the end... It's all worth it... If she ticks ALL the other boxes, but falls short on one thing (Self-improvement) I think we can compromise a little and help them be MUCH better than they currently are.
I recently found this channel and man am I hooked. The way you organize and talk about the points it just tick my boxes and I just feel entertained by the content. Keep It Up Ruff!
Now that I think about it, Ive been doing this myself but not writing it down. As a girl, masculinity isnt terribly high on my "must haves," (bi) but I already know that my partner must be, a) someone who I can easily communicate with. I want to know my partner, including what's on his mind. Good or bad, I dont care. I just want to know how he's doing so I can help if he's down or encourage him if he's feeling good b) has a matching love language (touch) c) capable and independent. Im not here to fix your problems. Your life isn't going to get better just because you're in a relationship, and you need to be able to take care of yourself, just as i expect the same of myself. People who are capable are also better at reaching out for help when they know they need it.
10:20 I've also thought about this concept of not being all afraid of girls and simply being confident as they are "just human", and trying to live life and improve the same way as you like you said, glad someone else agrees
This is some pretty good stuff. i think a lot of teenagers could take a look at this and realise that their relationships aren't the relationship they want
The thing you said about your identity affecting what path you take in life is so true. I only recently started trying to improve upon some areas of my life that needed work (mainly not being skinny asf and being healthy). It takes a lot of effort to start, but once you build the habit it gets much easier because it becomes a part of your identity.
few months ago i found a boy that is a straight A student, in student council, has a good manner, acts of service. We got super close, even we were in a situationship. but I really needed to push him away cuz he's still addicted to porn and roblox. I was close to him bcs I was addicted to porn too that time, now that I am slightly improving, I'm glad I pushed him away. Watching your video today made me realize it was a good decision.
Not gonna lie man, you're a brother from another to me, we have never met at all you are Singaporean and I'm Filipino. But it's just so crazy to realize from my perspective that all our ideals and habits are quite identical, but you're guiding me through things I'm struggling and I appreciate it so much. Well not the topic of this video, but all about self-improvement and life in general. Been here since Day 1 and it's like my first comment, I'll keep supporting you ma boi all the way through the very end even if you don't know me. Much love from the Philippines 🇵🇭💪☝️
I think it should be noted that your standards should change with time. When i was in my 20s, i wanted something really different than what i want now. I became 30 this year, and i started to value peace, quiet and Jesus a lot. What i want from ny fiancee is geared towards that now.
I like watching your videos because you provide methods in a positive way to applicably improve our quality of life. It’s easy to think negatively about things, like thinking, “I have to exercise, eat better, sleep better, etc” as if it’s a burden. You talk about these things in a way that gives me hope and excitement for the future. Much love ❤
The thing you said at 0:09 I completely relate to it. My 1st relationship ( and the last one too) . I didn’t know if I’m even attracted to him or not. I just wanted him to be happy because he really liked me And just went with it. After breaking up with him I realized I wasn’t for him nor he was for me.
hey ruff, thanks for this vid, couldn’t have come at a better time. A few weeks ago I stopped talking to a guy because I too realised that I was more attracted to him liking me than the guy himself. It wouldn’t have worked out. Even though some time has passed, I’m still very much coping with the self-pitying, regret, and feeling like I’ve made no progress on my self-improvement journey. It’s rough when you feel like you’re seeing no progress, but I know I have to trust the process and stay consistent. Thanks for the vid man, keep it up. 👍
I certainly agree, but love and affection are not stuff that you can fully and consciously control. Some part of is automatic and off of your reach. If you love a girl and think “she is not fitting to my requirement x, but i love her” your mind will not act rationally and follow the requirements.
Honestly, ruff, I'd prefer videos on self improvement instead of dating or relationships. You've kind of gathered an audience of people who want to grow into better individuals, so maybe this isn't optimal content for them as they might get distracted by looking out for girls more. Still loving the vids but to be in a relationship, you should already have a good level of discipline and values to influences your partner or to just maintain a loving relationship. Hope this helps in ur content creation❤. Heres a kiss, mwah
That is true to some level, but still people will always look for companionship so instead of ignoring that possibility, making sure it's the right person is important too. The people we keep us around do influence us quite a lot so I think this type of video is also nice from time to time. Also, I don't think he plans to be dating guru anytime soon (unless...?). Well, this is all IMO
Nah I'd like to thank him. Think positively. No one should get a red flag while they're on their self improvement journey right? Figure out for yourself, it'll make it much much much easier for you to cut off red flags and choose the greener ones. Green flags are rare to find :> I'd prefer if he increases his vast knowledge on these areas too. I DENY TO BE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP UNTIL I SEE A GUY WHO'S AS MUCH AS INTO SELF IMPROVEMENT LIKE ME TOO. There we go ;p
Oh god! U just made me realise the fact that I chose self-improvement and you helped me to be better at it😅 cuz till this day I thought u were the one that got me into this self-improvement stuff. Bruhh respect🤜🏻🤛🏻
I'm worried I did this when getting with my current partner. I knew going into it I was compromising on a lot of preferences, but I thought it was fine because they weren't deal breakers for me (things like are they a cat person, do they play an instrument, etc). But lately I've just been feeling really incompatible with them. Like, one of my top 3 deal breakers was similar to self improvement; I wanted to start going to the gym and they had expressed interest in going with me, and I thought this could be a great partnership of working towards that goal together. But when we both started going to the gym they stopped only after a couple weeks (they were busy to be fair, but it's been 4 months). I care for them really deeply and I want to help them succeed, and when I brought up issues like me feeling lonely and neglected they promised to do better and have been making a conscious effort. But it's just not enough. I feel so emotionally and physically disconnected from them and I don't know what to do anymore.
Well I guess I’ll tag along and write 3 things I look for in a romantic partner: 1. Someone I like romantically and sexually and who reciprocates that (I mean, it sounds cringe but for me it’s totally vital for that deep sexual and romantic connection to be there) 2. Good mental health. Someone who rarely gets angry. Someone who won’t be crazy. Someone who won’t cheat. Someone who will be happy and energised everyday. 3. Someone who is warm, loving and caring. Someone who can make me feel loved, and can help me at times where I might be down, or tired or whatever. And ofc I would provide the other way round. It’s quite difficult trimming it down to just 3. But I think these are what is really important in a relationship. Sure I would love someone who can idk squat 2 plates, but that’s not necessary, just something nice.
Well, yes it is. And I don’t expect to find anyone who satisfies all of this soon. But I wouldn’t want to settle for a partner that can’t do this for me. Sure it’s picky but I’m not gonna just go and date willy-nilly.
I have a few questions: 1. You might have answered this before, but pardon me for not knowing--How to manage being tiered after school 2. What if you know tht something is good for you (eg: exersizing for staying fit) but you dont enjoy the process itself (hence dont stick to it). for this example, one could say picking up a sport or things as such but it isnt necesseraly accessable (atleast in my case)
Bro my exams have started and watching youre videos have helped me alot this time i didn't just wait for the exams to come and study the night before i actually worked hard and i kind of feel confident so thank you
To average/ugly looking guys out there, I know this makes no sense but listen to this video. Because once you’ve set your ideals, all you gotta do is match it. You now know what you’re looking for in a partner, so you’ll know what to improve on about yourself by trying to meet the expectations of your own ideals. Don’t take the easy route by lowering your ideals, something like being okay with literally anyone. Because then you’ve lost respect for yourself, as a person. In the end, love yourself first before finding someone else to love. No one in this world truly average/ugly. You just don’t love yourself enough.
This is my RU-vid-obsessed mind saying this, but the title/topic/thumbnail combo for this video is amazing. Really forces you to click, lol. Great stuff!
I also didn't had any standards, or I lowered them too much...As my experience, my recent ex of 2 months, i dating that guy for 7 months and I think he was just with me because i liked him, and he did what he wanted to in the relationship💀 like touching me when I denied and then blaming me for getting mad, giving fake expectations and goals and dreams and doing nothing to achieve them, getting anxiety disoder because of him, and WHEN I broke up with him he went crazy like he hated me to death. In the end he was just 'getting' something from me and when it stopped he became normal. And I kid you not I didn't cry a tear for HIM after break up.
She might tick all of your boxes and she might be completely your type and yet you might not fall for her . We don't choose who we fall for...sometimes you like someone with totally opposite of your type...
idk why but this video was hilarious in some ways lol. thanks ruff. i don't generally plan on dating until after high school or probably past uni. but until then i'll keep these in my notes :). have a good day legend.
This is great advice. Another question to think about is what do you want in a relationship? You might find the girl that ticks all the green flags but the girl might not be able to give what you need in a relationship. Whether that’s companionship, intimacy, family, etc.
I agree with most parts of this video and your self-improv tips are very practical. That being said, I wanna make it a point that being loving and warm aren’t feminine traits, but that of any decent human being.
crazy how simple these are while most ppl don't even consider, didn't make a list but i like to think of how she is as a person and how she reacts in situations which helps me decide. but now i don't rly feel much of a connection to most people so its difficult to connect with others let alone feel something for a girl.
thank you for this video it has genuinely helped me realize how lucky I am to have a gf who supports me in my goals, goes to the gym with me, and has helped me out during my thorugh times i really cannot express how thankful i am towards u
within the first 1:30 of the video, that resonated with me so accurately my dude! I too have felt attracted to girls who are pretty, not realising it wasnt love. i too felt attracted to girls just becuase she liked me. that wasnt love. that's just friendship. now im maintaining only friendship with everyone i know. I dont have any crushes at all. in fact i dont feel attracted to any women. IN FACT!!! I'VE GOTTEN RID OF ALL SENSE OF "DOWN BAD"ness! i literally actively avoid any content the moment i realise it is trying to trap me with fan service. i hate fan service. i respect women. i dont want the women i know and respect to be seen in a situation that's normally available in a fan-service environment. i'll comment more as i watch more. But now i have an issue. i am actually afraid that i might end up not falling in love. even if i did, i wont have that exciting "dopamine rush" that i used to have long back. i behave way to mature to actually feel dopanine rush. so... yeah i wont have that exciting moments of "dude! im so scared to talk to her what should i tell her?" "bro bro she looked at me!!!" "BRO BRO SHE CALLED ME WHAT DO I DO!!!" yeah i wont have these moments. i know exactly what to do. i dont stutter. i wont falter. i will most likely end up being the one that the "bro" for my bro's love-story. i should also mention i JUST finished school and im about to get into college, and with that, i should be studying for entrance not yapping here. yeah same thing here: i also end up saying "yeah she isnt the one. she's too rude." "nah she's that instagram girl." "nah she's not something or the other" and i also am a very very highly logical person. i have no fears. and by fear i refer to irrational sense of fear. no im definitely not gonna stand in front of a train. thats plain stupid. im not scared of darkness, etc. so i always end up thinking logically. like i said earlier, this logical thinking is what makes me fear that i wont have that "fun exciting moments of awkward eye-contact" cuz i can just talk to a girl like normal. IF IN CASE I CANT TALK TO A GIRL! for example, no matter what i cant get myself to talk to a girl, i'll just write it off as my gut feeling telling me not to talk to her or not to do something. cuz usually, my gut is right. it knows stuff about people that i dont. it pointed me to a guy, and that guy is my closest friend from that particular place. no other person comes even close to him. so i will feel far less nervous than others. So ruff, if ur reading this anything you wanna say to, idk soothe me? cuz one of my very mature friends said "dont worry you'll get the feels" but i know me! i dont get the feeling that i'll get that excitement. i'll only end up acting like a mature grandpa, and say stuff like "we are pillars for each other. no need for nervousness" etc.
I dont know why this landed on my page but bro I'm glad you created this. Like I'm a person who has standards and I want a guy who has standards and doesnt go behind everyone. So I hope guys take this video seriously Coz its very important for both men and women to know what they actually want.
What implies to the “the self improvement has to be in The same path “ since we all have different goals which we strive for in regards to ourselves so does it necessarily have to match? Or is it just the affirmation of “improving in our own ways” but As a couple we do it to help each other even if it means that we are striving for completely different aspects to change in?
I remember dating a guy who was overweight, loved video games, had bad relationship with his parents and thought to myself, I can change him, I can push him to go to the gym. Once I realized he had no plans to start gyming or get a job, I ditched that relationship so fast lol. I can safely say that I dodged a bullet because he's still gaming, overweight, and has made little to no improvement to start college, get a job, or move out, and that was 5-6 years ago.
I think there is no need to concentrate on green flags or red flags too seriously. To me the important thing is to love each other, which I think takes time to develop. As for red flags and green flags, I believe green flags is no need, if I love her then she is just a green flag to me. And by having time together we may find the pros and cons of our partner. And we may think some aspects are unacceptable, which are red flags, but these red flags may not be shown on the first date or when you just met, in my opinion it takes time to know each other. Anyway it's good to have a list to know what's your best partner. But maybe not too strict on that. Because there is no perfect person. Also we need to improve ourselves first instead of judging others all the time. And to me the important thing is having love with each other, and be kind and a good person, that's already pretty good. I think we should be having more toleration and love to our partner. Of course self-improvement is very good but I think there is no need to be too strict, as another comment said: "What I really want is someone who makes our life feel comfy and relaxed. Self-improvement doesn't have to be all work, gym, financial, or some shit we hear from inspirational youtubers that says we need to improve. It can be learning new things, making friends, planting a tree, or even watching a movie from Netflix and talking about it after. My partner can do whatever they love, as long as they're not forgetting the basic stuff." And I think we need to be a green flag ourselves first, as another comment said: "The most important part is, Are you a green flag? What are your qualities that makes you deserve the girl of your dreams?"
As a girl, i find what ruff says to be true. For us personally I think something crucial to have on a list are principles or values. You cant be with someone who desnt respect you and doesn't respect others. And with this i mean stuff like being a gentleman, control swearin and being loyal. It seems like something obvious but the bar is so low people seem to forget about this rather often and end up in a abusive relationships just because the guy was hot and made them laugh.
I'd like someone who I feel like is way smarter than me and she shares similar interests so we can have endless conversations about programming and stuff
totally not me absolutely annihilating my mental state by realising that in fact i HAVEN’T started on self improvement any my life is on a trajectory to eternal suffering learning coding is hard okay
after seeing this video i feel like somehow this applies on the guys as well, and yes i should implement these PS- the outro and the piano thingy part , both was iconic, lol.
as a green flag girl ( yeah I knew it from the very beginning,,not after watching the video) here are top 4 things every green flag guy should have: 1.Loyalty of Honesty 2.Down to earth 3.Not a typical genz who thinks partying,smoking,deinking alchohol,being play boy,using abusing words in every single line while speaking is cool,WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT! 4.self improvement
interesting video, but i think this method is a bit superficial. of course we can never predict how relationships will develop, but i feel like you could easily miss someone you might truly love because you blocked them out when they didn't fit your "major three." are we genuinely loving someone or choosing to love them?
me (if im ruffing) seeing random girl: oh its a girl most notably a human being, that has feelings and has gone through things that i do not know and also do not really care to know. *smiles* girl: he totally wants me🗣️
