The mounting pressures on those caring for both aging parents and young children 

Real reporting put out by a corporation doing all it can to keep the squeeze on average Americans.

Yes that's one of my least favorite things is people criticizing me for wanting a salary of some kind. It's not all about love. I need money and I need security. This is going to end and I'm going to be broke and penniless and all for what? Absolutely ridiculous

I think about ALL of the sacrifices my parents made for me, I will give my absolute all/best to care for my mom. It isnt easy, but, worth it. Many may beg to differ....I know of people who state caring for children nowaday is the toughest thing theyve ever done. Its going to get worse because most youth today knows nothing about caring for or about snything

100x

And ruin your pelvic floor… which often leads to incontinence. And when older, incontinence is one of the top reasons (the second leading cause) the elderly need to go into a nursing home. Their loved ones don’t have the skills and strength to care for this challenge. P.S.: Wish it was taught when we are young, but breathing correctly when we lift, and positioning our bodies correctly makes a huge difference. It’s never too late to learn. See- Brianne Grogan here on YT.

I must agree. Lifting elderly family members can really do some damage to your back.

@@marlene0212 my mom recently injured herself trying to pickup my grandmother from the bathroom floor

Always there.

​@@marlene0212that's your choice, don't complain 😮

Always there.

God bless you

But it’s going to get worse because of declining birth rates.

True . But now we got work to maintain home as the living costs are high too

It’s great they are talking about it as this isn’t talked about often.

Moms a 403

It's destroying generational wealth. There's nothing to leave the kids when you have to spend 4-10K a month to house a senior.

Hundreds of thousands of young middle aged adults have been doing this for decades. I had this "burden" and blessing with zero help. I survived. I lost friends. I have ZERO sympathy for any others, I am bitter. I will not vote for any tax breaks or assistance for the younger generations at all. Unless there is retroactive payback.

⁠@@marlynnek6449it’s called planning ahead. You know you will get old and there is a chance you will need assisted living. It is preposterous to put up your hand and say you can’t deal with this so the taxpayers should have to take on this burden. Americans spend every dime they have and enjoy live while young, then scream for help when they are old and penniless. People really need to learn to save and invest for their future instead of depending on government to take care of them.

We treat illegal migrants better than our lawful legal seniors. What an irony, Wake up America!

@@dquan731 why save it till you're old and can barely walk or think clearly, its better to spend it while you're and still have a stable mind

Nice to see more like minded/situated people!!

I am currently in that boat

I knew someone in that situation . She was in Her late 30s taking care of older parents with health issues. She barely had time to breathe for herself, she didn’t have a life. I felt bad for her.

Definitely me

I always think about much harder this life would be if I had children and a marriage thrown into the mix.

Add to this, fewer people are willing to work as caregivers --- expect perhaps undocumented migrants.

husband did a nursing home for 2 months....it was hell for him, the care was horrible and it was unclean. He got better when he came home.

Me too.

Most of the "modern world" is indeed hell for old people . . . BUT there are exceptions, notably the "Blue Zones": Sardinia, Italy; Ikaria, Greece; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Okinawa, Japan (along with Acciaroli, Italy; Bama, China). And Loma Linda, California, USA!

My brother sent me this clip because he, my sister, and I are dealing with this now, with our elderly parents with many medical issues and Alzheimer's whom we had to move into assisted living in our home state where none of us live anymore. It's not as hard as being the caregiver, definitely. But there is a different kind of stress of trying to care for elderly parents remotely. We need to make sure they have a way to get to appointments when the facility van doesn't go to that clinic or during those hours; to make sure they tell the nurse at the facility the same medical problem that they texted us so she is aware; to pay their bills for them, some of which still come in paper with no electronic bill pay; to hold weekly calls just to keep on top of new health problems that week and what the nurse told them; to coordinate the emptying and selling of their home that they had to move out of so quickly across 3 states and 3 timezones, while two of us raise a family and work full-time. Add the time and cost of 6-7 flights across the country before the year is out and unsteady employment for a couple of us, and it's not an easy situation. With my dad's cognitive decline, it took me 2 hours just to get my dad's credit card updated in his ridesharing app so he can get to my mom's Alzheimer's appointment next week, an hour to convince him two days later that we took care of his payment method in the ridesharing app (he already forgot, and he's not the one with diagnosed Alzheimer's), and another hour of monitoring remotely to make sure his test trip to a grocery store went okay. Multiply that by the dozens of little issues that come up weekly. I say all this because it's made me think that my public school teacher husband and I won't be able to save enough to pay for the assisted living costs in 25 years that my parents are luckily able to pay for today, and I, too, have had the same thought as you: I hope I die quickly (and painlessly would be great!) so my kids don't have to do this work for me. What a thought in one of the richest countries in the world.

Unfortunately, it's because in America...aging seniors are treated like burdens instead of revered for all the knowledge, care, and love they gave. Be well and be at peace.

@@user-97n0xg.d6gfh definitely not china

I did it for 12 years and was at my breaking point then.

I just buried my mom and I'm still helping care for my mother-in-law. It's a pressure cooker

No breaks, socially isolating, and very often thankless.

Zero breaks, and I'm still digging myself out of the hole.

How did you cope?

Even planning ahead things happen like memory issues, strokes, etc. My in-laws had money & could afford to have in home care. It was a blessing. Yet, my husband had to take off 2 years from work to help with taking his parents to appointments, keeping an eye on medications, securing the house, paying bills, hiring / firing staff, etc. at the end of life. I helped out, but it was taking on my son who was school aged when his grandparents died.

Even being childfree --- the cost of getting old is EXPENSIVE. It honestly makes me laugh in my generation when people say their kids will take care of them, when they're not taking care of their own parents.

@@LAVirgo67 Exactly. It would be interesting to know rhe age of the one who commented. Too many children are "living off of their senior parents"

@@metroG93 Exactly

It takes a community to care for each other. Even if people put their elders into a nursing home or facility, they still need support from their own family members. Most people don't have the kind of money to be put into a care facility. It's expensive and may even be more abusive to the elders that live there, such as staff abusing elders.

I always think about the sacrifices our now, senior parents did for us. I pray for your healing, you are an amazing child to have sacrificed and dedicated your life to care for your parent. God will reward you for it.🙏🏾

@@jesusislord3321 Thank you!

I know exactly what you mean. To see your Loved ones disintegrate right in front of your eyes...is beyond heart wrenching and heart breaking. The Financial, and Emotional toll. Yes, lots of Screaming into pillows at night. The Only thing that saved my Sanity was my Bible and quick prayer times! I am not kidding.

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have anything to say that will remedy that kind of situation.But I pray things will get better for you 🙏 ❤ Thank you for you're doing best

I dont even want to think about it, as both of my parents are 81 and 80, they are in ok condition, i know someday i will have to deal with it, might have to dump them on my sisters and their kids.

Yes elder abuse can happen in these situations unfortunately

Wow so you don't think children should care for their elderly parents!

​@@upthedown1No, she's talking about abusive elderly people. Not all grandmas and grandpas are nice people. Many of them are very rude and abusive and narcissistic and even take pleasure in the suffering of their children. My grandmother is extremely ungrateful, often very self-absorbed, + emotionally manipulative and I'm aware of it. And yet because I'm so compassionate, I see an old lady who needs my help. So I have allowed myself to stay in this house for my entire adult life and I have done next to nothing other than go on exotic vacations. I'm going to be 30 in September and I don't even know who I am or what I'm going to do and I'm terrified of her dying because even though I know that things will be better, I can't even comprehend life without her at this point. I'm downright suicidal to be honest with you. She's the only purpose I have because she has manipulated me into believing that my purpose on this Earth is to serve her.

​@@upthedown1You should watch The Sopranos. Best show ever. Tony's mother Livia is a classic example of what this person is talking about. Absolute misery of a human being.

@@SomethingSomethingg Insane. Cannot relate. I have not had this at all in my family with my elders grandparents, great grandparents or aunts and uncles. Loving and caring and I adore them. I am grateful. I pray you find perspective in your life. One day your elder will be gone. You must prepare to live the rest of your life.

At least u tried.

Boomer? My dad is a boomer and I don't think I could have done what your or your brother did for a week! The older generation can be very ungrateful! 😡

i am curious, was she a nice mother when you were a child ? I'm sorry you have to live thru this. I am caring for two different generations right now....husband terminal and grandchild disabled....my 90 year old father lives with my disabled brother, age 66. I am exhausted. The elderly father is angry that this all played out like this. Was your Mom once nice ?? I hope this resolves for you. I have been a caregiver most of my life....one sister had cancer 13 years and i helped her too....i never thought i'd be doing all this.

Well worth it. If you have the money, it's money well spent. Hopefully you visit her often.

Bless you ❤🙏and Happy birthday to you dad! 🥳

u awesome kid!!

i left my husband at a rehab for a month--he was told he had to be there. The "care" he got was bizarre and cruel. He left on an unsafe discharge set up by the nursing home....he got slowly better at home but he is terminal with kidneys. While at the nursing facility he got 3 more illnesses due to the dirty environment. They used every trick in the book....nurses were taking bribes from patients with money.

Yes, this is why so many people have ADU on their property is to take care of elderly family. You are fortunate to be able to pay for care.

Compassion. That is the word needed for this century!

We abhor paying for it??? How about we can't f***ing afford it!!! Most jobs don't even pay that much per month!

Agreee

There are homes, they are just ridiculously expensive and most can't afford them.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

God bless you what you’re doing is so very hard. Having help caring for the elderly is so expensive. I did this for my mom who passed two weeks ago, I’m just lucky I don’t have kids. My attention was focused on her.

@@annabanana50 yes, one situation is easier than having 2 or 3 different generations having medical needs. I have 3 right now...husband, father and disabled grandchild...i do two of them...and the third is once a week and several phone calls a week, he has some other relative helping in his home who never married. It's a terrible situation.

@@Jendromedayou must be totally burned out and exhausted. I really am so so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could offer some help or advice, even with my mom just one person I was overwhelmed sometimes. The lifting and the getting up every hour is what overwhelmed me. I just can’t imagine yours. I wish you had some more relatives around that were of help both physically and financially.

yes! we also have large families, everyone takes turns to help. Not being exaggerated, I have 14 uncles and aunts, and dozens of cousins married and childrens 😅

Asians are similar in this culture/respect for elders.

Filipino American here, and my mom just died two weeks ago. I took care of her for years when she was well, with a good exercise routine and taking care of her diet. I miss her so much: in the last few weeks, she could barely walk to the bathroom. I was doing everything for her, 24 hours a day. Then the last week lifting and changing her, cleaning her. I think she hated to see me lift her and wanted to die. My back hurt like hell. But I miss her so much. I wish she could be around forever in a healthy body.

very well said. Many nursing homes are horrid places, we know first hand here.

My mom always says that I don’t need to worry about her and my dad in retirement and that’s not mine or my siblings responsibility to take care of her. I love her but I honestly think that’s delusional. Idk how people can pay for help for years without going bankrupt or being put in a nursing home with caregivers who don’t treat them well. Maybe I just have a scarcity mindset but I feel like there is a mass delusion in our society around available resources.

how and when did it turn around for you ? I am in a living nightmare right now....terminal husband and disabled grandchild in two different homes....one an hour away....i take care of husband of course every day and grandchild 4-5x a week. I also have a 90 year old father, still mobile but very sad sometimes angry that i am not with him more....i see him once a week and call him 5x a week, he is nearby. I help him out when i can, my brother lives with him but he is disabled mentally.

@@Jendromeda wow, looks like you have a lot on your plate. I barely survived those years as I didn't get much sleep to fit everything in. I cut out anything that wasn't productive like social media, going out, etc. Not saying it was the best thing to do but it's what I had to do. I did hire a cleaner so that at least I didn't have to do that. It turned about after enduring about 4 years of this when the kids got older and unfortunately my mother was not able to beat cancer

It’s such a necessity and important job that’s so undervalued regarding pay.

if you don't get paid what you deserve, then quit and go get paid more for something else. it's a free market economy. if you can't find higher pay for less work, than you are paid what you are worth.

This is what I want to do. As a long term care nurse, I see too much horror to want to live through it myself!

Yes. I want this for myself too..no point working 40 years to spend your entire life savings in 3 years and also deplete your kids savings. For 3 poorly lived years. No thanks.

100% agreed, this and de-stigmatize conversations around end of life plans and considerations. Too many elderly people reach critical care decisions and are still afraid to discuss it with their adult children.

And spend money on wars, foreign aid, immigrants, and the military

Don’t forget cutting checks for foreign countries too 😂🤷‍♂️ it never stops. That’s why I’m against having kids even though I have one. Her future looks bleak. Hell all Americans do

@RobertSmith-jd6wb Vote! And get involved. Democracy works.

@@marryellenmonahan5585 BLUE!!!!

you should blame yourself for a lack of financial planning. everyone should be saving 25%+ of their income their entire lives and investing in index funds each month. that might mean no kids for a long time, it might mean no vacations, no new cars, etc. The first thing you can do is accept responsibility for the choices you made for your life.

By who?!?!?? 🤔 No, it must not! That's why nursing homes exist! They lived their lives! Now, its the next generations turn to live theirs just like those BEFORE them! They need to take care of themselves!

@@marissa._if you have the money then yes, you are very privileged and that can be very beneficial for the both of you guys.

@@marissa._my lord. You are selfish

@@marissa._ then your children will say that to your face when you are old and need their help.

​@@akranzyleMarissa sounds like a lonely and miserable person.

Being loved is second place to loving someone.

ummm....nobody asks to "be born to carry this kind of baggage". Its called life.

@@blackbelt2000 I believe the point of this is no child asks to be here. It’s not right for parents to automatically assume their kids should take care of them. The individual should weigh the pros and cons based off of their situation.

@@yumiko0017 that is such a millenial/Gen Z typical answer. lol

Yep, a lot of politicians are lousy.

Amen.

I understand your point but taking care of a parent with Alzheimer’s is totally different from taking care of someone who is just very “forgetful”. Alzheimer’s individuals will eventually need to be watched and cared for 24 hours(e.g. wander away from home, violent behavior towards family members). Many people are living longer(e.g. 90’s years) compared to previous generations. Therefore the probability of a love one(e.g. parent) developing Alzheimer’s is much higher nowadays and family members sometimes need to work during the day/night in order to support their young children too.

Amen 🙌🏽🙏🏽

It is a burden. It will be a burden when you are a senior too.

True, it the problem (such as it is) is that modern medicine has emphasized keeping death at bay while allowing chronic conditions to accumulate. Higher morbidity due to these increases caregiver burden compared to how humans were “living at the beginning of time”. We end up caring for the elderly for longer than in the past, and those we care for have more health problems, which increases the burden on everyone.

I’m Caribbean and it’s still stressful. Help or not.

iit is but we do it been doing it years and survived

You forgetting the part where many Caribbean parents abuse their own children for decades until causing irreparable damage to the child when they reach adulthood. And these very same parents will be the ones expecting you to be there for them as they grow old. Make it make sense

:(

😓🙏🏾🙏🏾💜

My husband and I have lived through this with both parents. Get a lawyer who specializes in elder care issues/trusts/Medicaid and find out what you can do. If your mother-in-law has a home or assets you can establish trusts to protect her home and assets. Medicaid has a 5 year waiting list if you move her assets, so it might be too late for her if she needs help now. It may not be too late for your husband though and there are things that can be done if your husband needs nursing home care. I have 2 friends who's father's needed nursing home care and the lawyer helped them make it so that the wives' could stay in their homes. Just have a consultation with a knowledgeable lawyer.

@@queens6583 And they should spend every dollar of the ss check on food and household expenses.

I was in a similar situation but far less SS income, we had no help. Just my sister and I. I exercised all my research and was not able to find help, but her disease really progressed during the pandemic when there was no help. I'll say a prayer for you 3.

Was there a facility in the Philippines or was it other family taking care of her

Then you depend on strangers who work in elder care/geriatrics. I am facing the same concerns but am not worried. I can only worry about now and making sure I take care of myself.

Sadly life expectancy is much longer for those with dementia then 3 yrs. Isolating a person with dementia in a caregiving facility may shorten life expectancy, but that is one of the cruelest things I can think of to do for a loved family member. If you study dementia it is a disease, a terminal one, and isolation is one of the worst kinds of abuse.

@@metroG93 It’s a wide range of years but the average is 3 years.

YESH!

what do you call "spending itme" ??? I care for a disabled grandchild 4-5x a week, each time 4 hours. I also have a terminal husband and an elderly father...grandparents who ONLY have the kids to care for are lucky....many of us are sandwiched in with spouses and elderly parents...it's too much.

@@Jendromeda I’m very fortunate to be able to take care of my toddlers grandkids! I’m from South East Asia, I took care of my parents, my disabled sister for years. My daughter already told me she’ll never put me in a home when I’m older. I love to interact with my grandkids, talk to them, play with them, do all kinds of activities I can with them, they keep me young, happy and active! I babysit them during the week while their parents are working, I still want to see them on the weekend too!

Prayers ❤

Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for a miracle but also accountability and solutions to and from our government. You are a tax payer and you deserve the care you need.

You need to tell and write down everything for your 19 year old son to follow. Tell him everything he needs to know. Get your financial aspect in order cause one day you won't be able to say anything to him.

I am praying for you and your son, I know this must be scary, and I hope you all get the support and resources to cover you. Thank God you have each other.🙏🏾

This exactly. If I could tolerate living with my family, I have thought about having the big house everyone under one roof ideal but it's just not... Something this culture accepts

How about a tax structure and incentives and guarantees for average people, you know like corporate America gets, then we won’t have to do our older relatives the disservice and disrespect of putting them in adult “daycare”. How does that sound to you? Are you looking forward to when you too get to sons your days weaving baskets in adult daycare. Or let me guess. It’s all going to be different for you. Right.

Aren’t adult daycares full of germs though? My mom has dementia and she’s not clean at home, I can only imagine the other elderly people who don’t want to bathe/wash hands.

@@neonpandas .I can't speak for others, but ours is very clean with a nursing staff, bathrooms, showers, games, pool table, pin pong, trips ect. Also clients are checked weekly for COVID. You'll be surprised!

@@neonpandas . I forgot a full-time social worker also.

Nursing home is not really in the dictionary of a lot of Asian families.

God Bless you! ❤😊

@@graceartsgifts Thank you. I hope you and yours are well. 🌷

I’m so sorry what you’re going through. I hope you can afford your own house one day

@@annabanana50 Thank you, I appreciate the thought. 😊