The nail that sticks out doesn't get hammered down in Japan! How decisions really get made here. 

Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated. www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan

I hope Japan can always keep their Identity, Japan is Japan I hate when westerners try to "change" Japan

What bugs me about so many people in their early to mid 20s making videos about Japanese social norms is that not only are they talking in absolutes, they are pointing out obvious norms that also apply to their cultures, which they either ignore, or simply lack the wisdom to notice. Don’t invite a friend to an event you know they won’t enjoy? That’s saving everyone the headache. My childhood friends are my childhood friends, and my acquaintance friends are my acquaintance friends. The latter intersect at shared interests, and that’s okay. What bothers me is the lack of respect for others’ time, but caring deeply about one’s own time.

...this was not a commentary on social norms in Japan, it was a subliminal advertisement for pizza!🤣

This situation can happen in Western people (if you dont hang out with people with strong personalities/assholes). If you are nice you dont force someone to eat somewhere they don't want to eat, best to agree on something first.

People complain about hive mentality in Japan and toxic work culture and forget it’s bad in the USA too. One of the worst in the world next to Korea! Thanks for the insight and no bs

that neighborhood is beautiful

Genuinely empathic collectivism - if one member of the group ends up overruled, there might be hurt, which may lead to further tension down the road. In Japan, it is imperative that the purity of the spirit shall not be tempered with.

Sounds sensible to me.

It sounds like they avoid hammering down the nail, by preventing it from sticking out in the first place.

So, I imagine, with this in mind, many folks tend to just go with the flow and don’t voice opposition to group social plans, lest they don’t get rung up next time social plans are being made.

Anyone else suddenly feels hungry?

😎👍

Always interesting when you share these cultural differences

I think in Japan (experience from having a japanese girlfriend for some time) you have to always think of others first which might be sometimes quite difficult for foreigners (also me as well!!) especially with a group of people! I can give you my example, I had hard time with my girlfriend once because when i took her Japanese friends for a trip with my car I parked like 15 - 20 minutes walk from the musuem instead of trying to find a car park closer so her friends wouldn't have to walk too much (5 minutes instead of 15 ) :D For them everything has to be perfect sometimes even if it is not possible at that moment, especially while other peoples , for examples friends are involved... I mean this is my own observation from experience.

This is very interesting. I live in Ireland and in my experience, groups here are also typically smaller going out to town for a bit of fun. Additionally, we seem to be like the Japanese ordering food. Although sometimes if we disagree on food, we just have the 4 people order in one order and the person/people in disagreement can order separately

Price of rice hits an 11-year high and rice stores are at the lowest point since 2008. The price of rice in July rose 18%, breaking a 20 year record. While some are blaming an increase of foreign tourists on higher rice consumption, others point to a decline in demand as Japan’s population shrinks. Whatever the cause, I think there will be panic buying of rice which is likely to push prices even higher and force stores to impose purchase limits.

Really interesting video. 2 questions: 1. Is there a polite way for negotiation back and forth in Japanese friend group for a picking activities for an evening... where someone might be ok, but not super enthusiastic about it, and to do the compromiser's first choice next time, or does that fall under classless? 2. Is it polite to not invite along a friend in a friend group if that friend probably won't enjoy the food or activity when planning going out ahead of time?

To be fair the compromise is western culture I find is more 'We'll do this this time, but don't worry we can do that next time.' Generally then everyone is happy. Though if someone really doesn't want to do something it can sometimes work as a veto. With regards to your point about not being invited in Japan, I guess in the west people just put out on open invite and if someone comes they come and if they don't the don't. Then if someone doesn't come it was their choice, they weren't left out.

Interesting topic. So it's a rule by absolute consensus. Somehow, in a group situation, I expected that because of the respect that the Japanese have for elders, the opinions of older people would matter more.

Im kinda lone wolf so jpan would fit me well 😊

Off topic - but connected --- There has to be 100% agreement to the food to be eaten. But when it comes to architecture - especially houses - it's every man for himself. For Japan - Italian style 'Terracotta' roofs of red-orange would help to 'unify' the many buildings.

This is very true. I hate curry and squid over there and definitely avoid the groups that in my opinion like other weird foods. The Club is a big deal too. Club after work, Club on the weekend, etc. He's right about them politely excluding you as well. Don't take it personal. I stay in the same room a few times a year and the old lady knows the only thing I want to do is ride my bicycle and drink tea all day far away from everyone😆 for foreigners its best you go out like a lone wolf. You may have a great command of the language ( or think you do ), but I'm not sure most of us will completely "assimilate" into the country. Which is fine...Japan should keep a unique identity in my opinion. Modern foreigners may never have the manners or patience.

Well, most pizza places also got other dishes. Let others have their pizza and get yourself some nice pasta or an antipasto platter.

Admittedly I'm a non-Japanese Asian, but from I've observed domestically there's a complex calculus running under the surface involving who was organizer, who's the eldest, who paid last time, who's done the most favors, your standing in the group, etc., that all factors into conversations like "where should we eat?" If it's a small close friend group you really are expected to have a sense of everyone's food preferences - proposing something someone might decline is already a faux pax b/c you made them lose face by having to be the stick in the mud and you look like an inconsiderate jerk! Of course on the flip side if you're on the outer layers of a friend group you might defer to the host/majority... when distinctions are fuzzier this can lead to the endless circle of "no, no, I'm fine with anything! What do YOU want to eat?" 😂

I have been married to my wife for 33 years and we still can't agree on what to eat :-)

Great info as always, do you experience many earthquakes in Nagano?

Can unfortunately lead to a silo mentality

I'm a boomer Aussie looking to the Akiya market, it's not important, I just spend so much time in Japan, it makes sense that I should consider a home here (Aomori) You're a Taswegian, Queenstown or somewhere nearby by the sound of it. It's a eye opener, being in Japan, isn't it. Love to chat with you...

They need to find a place that serves the two different types of food the members of the group want to eat. 😁

Very astute observation.

So, if I have understood it correctly, in Japan if in a group of 6 members, if 5 want to eat pizza but one of them doesnt, all 6 people would seek for a meal which everybody likes it, right? For example, if one suggest to eat pizza but one of them doesn't want to eat it, they would try another diss that the 6/6 members like it, like nuddles for example?

Interesting! I like how you explain that there are different cultures/groups in Japan and they operate differently. Which is good to know to prevent misunderstanding from an interaction standpoint. On another topic if you don’t mind me asking . Do you find that in general the non-English teacher foreigners that are in the countryside tend to not hate Japan as much as the foreigners that live in the city? I’m not talking about getting angry with the endless bureaucracy or feeling frustration with the cultural differences they find to be secretive or not genuine or feeling stuck economically in Japan if they have been there awhile or feeling offended that they should learn japanese in order to participate more fully in society. I am talking about a true hatred of Japan that becomes ingrained in their psyche. I feel like the foreigners that tend to choose to move to the rural areas are more resilient and more independent and more handy at stuff like DIY. Maybe because you have to have those traits to chose the countryside? I’ve just run across some channels recently that are in all out hate mode and they are from RU-vidrs based in or were in the city or sent out in the countryside by English teaching programs. I just find it fascinating as you don’t find that kinda hate from RU-vidrs that live in other countries. Very sad really

4:01 A bit more than 20 years ago, would hold gaming weekends with my friends. One of the best parts was when we would head off to the nearby pizzeria's to eat. Since we were up to around 80 during those weekends, we sometimes had groups of 10 to 20 people going to the pizzeria at once. Pretty sure the pizzeria's loved it, we gave them quite allot of business during those weekends.

Isnt there still lots of pressure in a group of 3-4 people to conform when 2-3 already agree, like you might upset someone/not get invited anymore / or when your boss suggests something bad idea to say no

Almost every time I watch Japan news theres some house on fire ,why dont they build more fire resistant buildings ? Mind you here in Canada we get forest fires burning many places down every summer too,but then we have plenty of wood to rebuild

Would there not be social pressure to say you'd also like a pizza if the other 4 people are saying it? Maybe it's just me seeing it from a western cultural perspective but it seems like you generally never even get to a stage of 4 people saying yes and 1 saying no, if the group seems to be heading in some direction you're under pressure not to be the one making an issue of it.