The narcissist's game of deflection 

What I’ve learned: don’t point out any of their flaws, because those become forever talking points about YOU! They’re NPCs I tell ya.

Oh man.... My husband's favorite line is: I never did that, that's not what happened

My ex had a thing about accusing me of being angry. I was only impatient and fed up with how uneccessarily argumentative he was. I realise later he was deliberately antagonising me all the time - he was the hostile one, not me.

You are so articulate and I really appreciate the thoroughness of your videos.

They project their inner drama and chaos onto you. 📽

I remember the smirk on my narcissistic father's face when he accused me of being angry, and I told him to stop gaslighting me. So it was projection which is even more telling. He was angry.

I got this answer to my point of view on subjects.. "NO NO NO. You are wrong, everyone i talk to agrees with me, so you are wrong and you dont know what you are talking about". My reply was " so now i am not even allowed my own opinions".

Never date a trial lawyer! I’ve dated 2 now and they are some of the worst narcissists I’ve ever met in my life!!! Talk about a total mindf*ck 🤯 Thank you for this wonderful video and all that you share Dr. Ramani ❤

Flying monkeys are very hurtful, it might be the lasting device to make healing improbable.

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com

My narcissistic boos once told me I "don't like being reprimanded." Unless you're a masochist, nobody likes being reprimanded!

In the past, I would have gotten into a long winded argument of why the projection was wrong, inaccurate, explain my position, and even defend myself until I came across narcissism. I think sometimes we know that the things that the narc is accusing you of is really what they themselves are doing/feeling, etc, but we feel like we need to react to it. These days when I suspect I am being projected at, I don't bother engaging as there's little point in trying to - if you do, you end up tying yourself up in knots over it and getting upset/angry and that's what the narc wants.

I always wondered why my dad was accusing me of things that I was not guilty of. He would "ORDER ME" to tell him the truth about something. Then after I told him I would get "DON'T YOU LIE TO ME BOY'. I would tell him I'm not lying dad. Then I would get "YOU'RE LYING, YOU'RE LYING. WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU'! I would just stare at him being that I didn't know what else to say to him.

I spent the first year and a half of my only marriage telling my wife she saw me different than i am. Then i realized she was doing it on purpose. I didn't argue anymore. I got quiet like you do when someone is arguing in pure ignorance with no room to learn. I thought I'd just walk the walk, so i did that. They sabotaged my accomplishments by always having more to prove. They used my vulnerabilities that i offered them as opportunity to wound me later. My ears rang for months into my therapist told me why. I had ptsd from her withholding and constant redefining us to mean less and less

During that time when he was projecting things onto me almost drove me crazy

So spot on. It’s uncanny. Thank you .

I would often feel that my Narcs 'Projection' onto me was another indirect way of confessing his whatever, whether cheating or lieing or his space etc. 🍒

I love it when Dr. Ramani goes into professor mode! This was a really illuminating and helpful video. Thank you.

"I choose to forgive you " is my sister-in-law's famous phrase. 🤷 For what?? For YOUR word salad attacks on me?? I've learned to remain silent, bite my tongue, and let her words go in one ear and out the other. Thanks Dr. Ramani.

I love this, #DrRamani. These terms are so important to know. Your work is transforming lives!!!! ❤ 🌹🌹🌹🌹

When I found at 54 the triangulation with my flying monkey sister and mom I went no contact

Yes they create the problem, then blame you for it. I'm fully aware of these. One of the 'leaders' in Dayspring cult was an employee of a government counselling centre (or connected in some way, I can't remember now) who had someone call me saying that my son was concerned for me. I told her that my son was in a cult and that he was the one who needs 'counselling'. My son would never have thought about doing that, the cult was clearly behind it. I don't think the cult knew I knew where she was employed. All based on lies.

My mother often likes to remind me that mental illness runs in my father’s side of the family. She blames me for all the problems in the family. She says “ our family is shattered because you won’t go to therapy”. I once asked her to go with me to therapy, and she replied “you go and I’ll pay for it”.

0:22 Projection 14:43 Gaslighting 33:39 Triangulation

I've been gaslighted so much that I AM a detective of my own life. It's exahusting!

You Are So Wonderful and Smart Dr. Ramani!!! I Want to Say Once Again That You Remind Me So Much of My Aunt, My Fathers Sister!!! She Was So Smart Exactly Like You, A Math Teacher, Guidance Counselor, and When She Retired Worked For an Attorney!!! My Father, An Electrical Engineer, and Her Were Very Smart, Empathic People Who I Admired and Totally Respected!!! You Are So Much Like Both of Them Combined!!! I Wanted To Say That I Am A Capricorn Just Like You Are!!! Thank You So Much For Your Wonderful and Informative Videos!!! I Appreciate You So Much For What You Do!!!🎉❣️

When I finally understood projection, I came to realize the accusations the X lodged at me and our kids actually told me what behaviors he was or had been engaged in.

He told everyone he "took care of me"...guess laying in bed all day on porno sites and never even finishing his own clothes or cooking dinner was taking care of me! 😢. He believes his lies too. All I can do is pray for him. I can't have him in my life anymore though. He's way too toxic for me.

This lady is a life saver! Omg!!!!

I'm so exhausted from these projection and gaslighting attacks ... the manipulated attacks from everyone he sends to attack me ...the lies are so horrible !! As much as I understand that this is his issues but it hurts and taking the high road gets so old . I do pity him and feel sad for the whole situation 😞 😢💔💯‼️

I couldn't agree more with the phrase: "Let me tell you what you SHOULD FEEL like.."..😂😅It is like telling a 3 years old to go to the restrooms 🚻 to pees or 💩 while he doesn't feel ready to do so.. Period..

This was so incredibly difficult to deal with. He would deflect so quickly and so smoothly. He got me thinking that I was mean and crazy for being kinda mad he drove under the influence with kids in the car. Suddenly the focus was all on him being the victim of my emotions and the consequences of his crime were not ok because I apparently crossed his boundaries by needing space 😮 jesus...

Thanks Dr.R. Smack on timing, I really needed this today, I was just smashed by a very toxic person..Thank you..💜☮️

Projection! Love that I have this defined now. “You always right” makes sense now

Thank you, Dr Ramani!

I had abuse in church. The elder at the church kicked me out of his class for making another member “uncomfortable”! My “husband” told me to quit listening to you Dr. Ramani. He said I am the Narcissist! While I know he is and he is the one! I was conditioned.

I just love your channel! Thank you. Just finally left after a 28 year marriage. I seemed to become so disassociated/disconnected. This is also during 2 years of weekly therapy. But being disconnected actually made me so sick. I'm dog/house sitting this week and last week on my old street and the sickness came back. Not grant it I just left in May this is 1st week of July, but my heart has begun to race again, can't breath, feeling lifeless and disconnected. My body's way of coping apparently. All I know is I'm ready to get back to my new apt!

You look beautiful, Dr. Ramni and I like that shade of lipstick on you. Been watching your videos almost 5 years now and it’s been a blessing😊

I have a friend who definitely needs to see this video.

When gaslighter is faced with facts , they get really pissed off and respond "whatever".

Used to hear: I have to be this way to toughen you up. It worked. Just not the way she thought.

I worked under this environment coming in to Sharis Restaurant as an Assistant Manager in training over one Manager. The first night I walked in and met the staff she was already gathering with the other employers one by one whispering and talking about me. She told everyone I was the new Manager. Not the Manager in Training. Then no one started training me and from the beginning she told her eyes at me while looking at an employee with grunts and groans. Every attempt to make me look stupid. It was a very uncomfortable environment from day one. I went through a 6 month training at Stanfords Restaurant that was so professional. Step by step from the Hostess stand and reservation desk to the profit and loss system that showed when guest flow went up and guest flow went when it started to go down, every aspect of it was taught by an amazing GM names Lori Anderson at the Stanfords in Lake Oswego. Leaving and going to another store wasn't as great. So yes one store in the restaurant hospitality industry can have a huge difference and a huge impact on your own success. One person within a company can create a horrible environment.

In my lectures to business executives and students I have often referred to your approaches to narcissists. I recognize the tragic effects of Narcissists behavior on the people around them which can bring them to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. But it is possible that some of these victims are victims of their own choices, when while they saw the negative characteristics of these Narcissists from the beginning, they chose consciously or not to ignore them, focusing on what the Narcissists offered them (conditional Love) So they were trapped in a dead-end relationship that comes at a heavy price. This is an unpopular topic so I haven't seen it covered. But this is part of a reality. From the beginning, one should focus on the important characteristics of the person's personality which are behind the masks that each time someone wears and if you love the person behind his masks, this love will be eternal and unyielding as pointed out by Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians

Thank you so much for your incredible work, Doc. ❤

Yeah, they did a doozie and I now hate my parents, thanks alot, there is no fixing that and I can't honor that. They kicked the love out of me. Thanks.

My husband so favorite tactic is changing the subject to avoid answering questions. He also loves to tell me I cause all the problems and everything is my fault, but if I repeatedly ask for specific examples of what I’ve done wrong, he can’t answer.

My friend and I were talking about this the other day 😂 It's funny how all the problems are someone else's fault, but not their fault. I was bipolar 😐

Thanks so much! This is medicine for the soul.

He left me,I thought that was it.. he left me because I wasn't able to give him that absolute control over me.. (he is very honest to what he wanted from me.) Then he called me asking me if I want him back. Then I said yes because I really love him, and the he ask me to give him reason why he should get back..

Gaslighting in the world place is real and since I left I had heard rumors that HR had heard too many complaints and went in and pretending to be guests watched her for awhile and she has since finally been fired. Too late for me but great for future staff.

You think you’re better than everyone else…. Anybody heard that one? I know plenty of narcissistic people accusing me of that. I didn’t have a scrap of self esteem at the time. Baffling. I think it’s because you would not do what they easily can. My neighbor used to say to me‘you’re only doing that because you’re trying to be better than everyone else’ …. Because I was keeping my garden nice, I’ve always loved gardening, it used to be my therapy, he turned it into a nightmare. His garden was immaculate…. I had no idea what his problem was for 20 years he abused me, for gardening, cleaning my windows, cleaning my house, decorating, getting a better job, my children graduating. The list is endless. It was like I was in a coercive relationship with him and his wife , every time I opened my door they were there, I swear they spent their entire life listening for me to open the door 😁(she would back him up and blame me no matter how egregiously he behaved, in fact by the end of it she was abusing me just as much. I think that made it doubly confusing, two people gaslighting me) She used to say to me, omg what are you doing, don’t you know you’re not supposed to clean in the summer, get a life! Get a life was her favourite ( the irony, their noses constantly in what I’m doing, and it’s me who needs to get a life)But the whole time it was going on, whenever they wanted to be civil I was supposed to be nice and if I wasn’t ( not rude but maybe short, more avoidant) there’s something wrong with me, more gaslighting, try to call them out, gaslighting 🤷‍♀️. His favourite insult was to tell me I’m crazy. He would literally start a conversation up with me just so he could insult me. Example: Hi darling how’s the dog ( who was under the vet because he had hurt his leg) Me: ahhh he’s okay it’s up and down depending on the day. Him’ there’s nothing wrong with him he’s just crazy like you and the rest of your family ( who he had never met 🤷‍♀️) They literally destroyed my mental and emotional health Couldn’t make this 💩 up 😕 Or and just to add. They didn’t have an immaculate garden because they themselves worked on it, they had a gardener. I think work is a dirty word for them.

I was told all of those gaslight lines.) 😢 but here's ano 22:17 ther good one he used against me: "You're DELUSIONAL. You need help." Or, "if you don't get some help, we'll never be able to be close, because I won't be able to trust you." And yes, I have the photos of the terrible black bruises covering my left forearm after he grabbed my arm in rage . . . all 6'6" of him. When threatened to fomit again, saying I fact he'd " really enjoy it right now, ",! that's the moment I decided to end the relationship sell my home, move and go No Contact.

My narc hubby reacts defensively eveytime i expose /uncover his wrongdoings. He'd get so agitated and upset and can be violent. Hes a habitual liar and is fond of projecting his faults on me. He'd flip the scenario so quick and id be ledt confused and bewildered.

Gaslighting tagline from my sister: “The reason I lose my temper and yell is because I love you so much. I have more emotions when I interact with you, so I can’t control them. You mean more to me than other people. That is why I lose my temper with you and not them.”

11:03. When I was in high school 10th grade one day my mom started accusing me of being a gang member and a drug dealer. She kept accusing me of these for a while till I snapped and threaten to tell the school about her accusing me. Of course she went into defensive victim mode, saying that I want to call the cops to arrest her and she's only looking after me. Later..I forgot how long this passed and one day she woke up saying that she had a dream about me. In that dream she saw me with another man. All the sudden she started accusing me of being a homosexual and she's disappointed in me. Of course I was none of that stuff. Wasn't a gang, dope dealer or homo.

Is projection not motivated by manipulation? If so, what is the difference?

On my son’s birthday, we were discussing how much we make per hour at our jobs, and my aunt was telling me how she could get me a higher paying job at her work, and my sons dad was like “yeah theirs people packing cookies at my job that make more than you.” I’ve caught him texting inappropriately with one of these “cookie packers” two years prior.

When I was in pain with grief (losing my mother and both my dogs got sick and later died) he turned it around to him over a period of 18 months.. he was depressed, he thought he had a brain tumour, he had irritable bowel syndrome that led to him thinking he had bowel cancer and out of no where after being out with his friends he suddenly had a social phobia!! Thank you for recordings the more I listen the stronger I get ❤

My ex liked to pretend I said things I didn't. Usually something hateful. Or that I had a hateful tone or called him a name. Being that I usually took the stance of silence and not feeding his rage or the fire of his argument, this wasnt even a question in my mind. I knew I had not said or done the things he claimed. At times I would say that I wish I had recordings so he could hear how wrong he was .. and THEN UNBELIEVABLY he started saying the same thing to me.. that he wanted to record our arguments. It was like he gaslighted himself. Convinced himself so completely that I had said these things.

You did a great job on your own gaslighting comments and I've heard them all plus.

My ex was ALWAYS accusing me of things I wasn’t doing or thinking or feeling. I spent just over two years CONSTANTLY defending my character! It was so exhausting and frustrating, extremely hurtful to be called a liar, cheater, untrustworthy women, low value woman, putting me down saying to me “52 and single with cats and guy friends no man wants that” I grew up in a small town, am a artist and musician and have a few friends both male and female. I never hung out alone with any male friends ever, but simply because I knew people who are male and work with them musically apparently I’m a bad woman of no value. He was so mean to me and called me so many terrible names, constantly breaking up with me and blocking me on his phone. Total mind fuckery!

This has happened to me!! So spot on

Former boss would say if I don’t remember it - I never did it /said it

I havent heard most of that but I have heard, I couldnt tell you because you would make a big deal out of it. Or if I say something as simple as, what took so long, he would flip out and say you think I am just fucking everybody and then pack up all his things and move out. I never had a chance to accuse him of anything. He always accused him self on my behalf which gave him a excuse to discard me and left me speechless and hurt not understanding what just happened

happened to me via siblings and parents esp maternal parent she was such a horrible person .. very narcissitic

"You see what you want to see", "You are in a bad mood/angry/etc."(making many assumption about your emotional and psychological state).

Thank you D Ramani

When I agree or except what I know is wrong just to save a fight. I know I am being gaslighting

" I dont remember it happening"

Hello dr Ramani. I adore your videos and I've learned a lot from them...I would appreciate a lot if you could talk a bit about diferrencies and similarities between BPD and cPTSD.

My ex narc told friends and others I was having an affair, all the while it was actually him. Yes it's all about winning to them. 💯 % true

Wow, no wonder I hate myself !!

Me: why did you say that. Her: I don't know.

You're never listening to me.. that's my narc's all time favorite.

CN: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Some of the gas lighting examples at 14:55 could quite easily be the non narcs defensive replies to being gaslit or projected upon. Without context its hard to show examples. Basically if they insist on something which you know doesn't tally with reality, its either gaslighting or projection. The twisted part is working out which.

Oh those Gas lighting comments are spot on

I wonder how many % of the world population behaves like this. I was not accepting for 7 years, that the person I met existed for real. Is so surreal, but also so normal in the people's behave. No? Did I know too many people with this behave? I thought I was the pick one for not allowing this type of behave.

My favorite is you can’t move on. I can. And that never happened. I told you I was not getting back together with you it then their behavior was the complete opposite of their words. He was protecting himself from “hurt” g y saying we never got back together and he told others we were dating and he would tell me when he was done and say “I was going to get back together with you but you did this so we can’t or I won’t now”

"I don't remember doing that"

They compare and measure our success based on superficial and materialistic "values,' also based on what is acceptable for social norms, stereotypes, culture, religion, what is popular, and based on political views/norms, and also based on biased stigmatized views. Additional Gaslighting statements/Questions: Why do you ALWAYS have to be on the opposition/opposing side? Let me be your friend since you have no friends. Why are you afraid to be yourself? You NEED to learn discipline by joining the military! You need discipline by getting your ass kicked (this is someone who likes violence, but knows you can and will "kick" their "ass" if they physically assault you). You need to live in/be part of the "real world" like me!

It’s crazy how this has happened to me to tell me that I would loose the love of my friends family or others that would be so scary to me now I don’t care cause I see my family doing the same thing

I e met enough counselors to know this entire world is so screwed up. I keep my personal circle small to the number of one. I enjoyed all my dealing with the teens o worked for .... I'd go home exhausted though . If you let it get to you it will take a toll. Everyone makes mistakes. They often used the comment ," I'm sorry that you feel that way " sed advocate for the teens

My CNPD FAVORITE saying is I never said that, that didn’t happen, we never spoke about that, you didn’t tell me that. You are wrong and I always remember right, your memory is wrong. I gave up bothering to discuss anything with him, it’s so pointless with an NPD

I had a gal tell me she was afraid that I was "trying to destroy her". (based on nothing, whatsoever) Talk about projection. Lol

My husband says he didn't mean it like that, when I call him out on bad behavior toward me. Financial, mobility, and other verbal abuse. He's likely not a narcissist but toxic for sure. It's only come out around our 20th year together when he got a neurological disease diagnosis and got his disability pension, a full double of whst my half disability is. This all makes it very difficult for me to continue with him, and I second guess if I ever saw who he really was or if these tendencies have gotten more severe over time with age and the condition affecting him. He's often rude or just unconsiderate towards others, which I feel I should've seen earlier. We got together when I was young, turning 20. Most of the duration of our relationship I've been unwell, first physically, then burnout and depression, then again physically which ended my work career. He's always made fun of and disrespected my higher schooling than his, my job, and my hobbies. I sang in a choir and when practicing at home he'd say stuff like "not going forward, you don't have the X factor", and with other hobbies similar dismissing and diminishing comments. He pretends to not understand what I'm saying or mishear me, making me feel I am unable to communicate clearly. He does have hearing issues but admitted a while back that it's a joke most of the time. It was funny two decades ago, no linger though. I confronted him this spring and made it clear that things have to change in our relationship. He got fixated on the idea I'm leaving him right away and panicked realizing how much of our executive affairs I manage and he has no clue of how to do. Now I'm in a limbo waiting to see if he actually changes his ways or not. I don't know if he's a form of a narcissist, but toxic for sure in many ways, at least in the past.

You always do this...

i tried to be a distance friend never work

"Oh wow! Now you sound just like my ex-wife!" "I know you can do it, but I'm trying to show you the right way to do it." After telling me to get the f*ck out, I got out and I finally left him. Then, it became a pity party for himself as he started making TikTok videos about how it always ends up the same way and saying "She left me too, just like they all do."

"I forgive you... I mean i apologize."

"Everybody knows that..." "All women are..." "Look how badly you take care of... (children, house, old parents, etc.)"

Omg!! I started recording his temper tantrums!

What do you do though if someone thinks this about you? How do you defend yourself? I'm in therapy and have been since childhood because of some things that happened. I once told my ex like what if I'm a narcissist, I don't want to ever hurt anyone, and I've been getting help for negative patterns and stuff but like through all the testing they always tell me I'm not one. But regardless, my ex told people this and is using the fact that I talked about that against me. It hurts terribly. I don't know that he is one either, and I feel bad for ever labelling people like this in the past. I wish people didn't use these videos to diagnose people. :(

So I have a question about Triangulation. Two of my adult children have seen and heard and experienced their father’s behaviour because they have lived in the house long enough to experience it as he’s got worse with age. One of my children moved out for work reasons when they were younger but has experienced some of their father’s stonewalling and peculiar behaviour. I have been explaining to them that I have researched his behaviour as I read an article that was exactly what I have experienced for years. My intentions for them understanding narcissistic behaviour style is firstly, so they understand what not to say to me to make my mental health worse and so they understand what it is for future reference so they don’t fall into a situation of having a narcissistic person in their lives as a friend or partner. It’s also so they know how to deal with the person should they fall into any kind of relationship with a narcissist. I have said to them that they don’t have to believe me about what I think is wrong with their father just to have awareness of my feelings. The two who have lived at home long enough do believe I’m right and said that if it isn’t that there is still something wrong about their father’s behaviour. I have given up trying to explain to the child who didn’t live at home long enough to see the worsening behaviour. I’m not trying to Triangulate anyone but I can see how it may look like I am. How do I tell others what I have gone through without it looking like I’m Triangulating?!! It’s all so confusing and frustrating because I feel like no matter what I do, I’m battling this on my own because I’m having to think about everyone else and can’t win one way another and my husband just comes out looking squeaky clean to all.

Fan gaslight favorite: you’re misinterpreting things.

Gaslighting phrases I experienced. When I caught him cheating. You’d think I was good looking or some hot guy. It’s was just joking, I was kidding. Keep on looking and finding more stuff. You just hurting yourself.

Not gossip. It is called SLANDER.

I never lost myself or questioned the reality of what was happening. I was simply shocked to my spiritual core that my wife was trying to actually destroy me. She didn’t succeed. I told her I’m not jealous over a cheating wife he can have you because I don’t want you anymore. Don’t get me wrong I still suffer from seeing what pure evil not being able to explain what happened to anyone I know. I need no closure and let go of all of my fake friends. I’m still watching these videos looking for the cure lol. I know I won’t find it here and wasting my hours looking for the answers that I don’t even know the question too. Anyone else feel like there stuck in a perpetual loop? I don’t want my wife back and understand I was naive believing all people had the same basic human traits as I do. Sometimes I watch other videos about dating these days and how women just crap on good men. I was used as a rest stop got shit on after she found another simp to exploit. So I questioned if my wife is narcissistic or just todays liberated woman

Thanks!

Honestly its like do it what you may with your videos and information at the same time a double edged sword that keep narcissist a cheat sheat of how to double down the shelling and mutating psychologically (at times physycially) in a narcisstic abusive relationship