The One About Intimacy | Couple Things 

The sex in my marriage ended 8 years ago when my husband began having strokes. Intimacy has kept us together. He can still communicate with me and for that I am very grateful.

I learned so much through this video!! Thank you guys so much

Amazing! Love it!

Dropping knowledge love it

I love when Shawn said, "...sex is not a relationship. Sex is only a small part of it. You're going to spend 90% of your relationship not having sex with your spouse." (23:40) There is soooo much truth in this statement. You have to be able to communicate and live life with your SO. I'm not even in a relationship but this Podcast has made me think and grow so much as a person, and helped me prepare for any future relationships. Love, love, love! Ya'll rock. Please do a 2nd episode.

My parents have been married 65 years and every night, my dad gives my mom a half hour foot rub - for them, that is a special form of intimacy and has nothing to do with sex.

every time I hear the word “Intimacy” it reminds me “in to me see”. meaning seeing your spouse.

I don’t think you know how badly so many of us needed to hear some of these things. THANK YOU

When my husband of 33 years was diagnosed with terminal cancer the sex part ended for various reasons however intimacy has been the part that keeps us connected. It was super hard and we grieved they sex part but we developed new types of intimacy

I'm not sure if you guys have mentioned this in the past, but I was hoping you guys could do a whole video on your Christian background and how that influenced your decisions/ views on sex. I know Andrew mentioned sometimes coming from a Christian background there are boundaries and rules that you have to follow and that can become an "idol" or to strive for perfection in staying pure. Wondering if you could answer how you overcame that or if you guys did wait until marriage to have sex?

Intimacy is a different level of closeness and communication! Couples can have sex and just go through the motions. What makes it intimate is knowing your partner, knowing their needs, wants, and desires. The connectedness is what makes the act of sex intimate. Love you guys! Thank you for always being transparent!

Amazing job giving your experience & advice without compromising or dishonoring each other & your private relationship!! I feel like sometimes people want to know too many personal or private details. Thank you 💕

Taking care of my husband of 43 years as he was fighting his last fight(cancer), we felt more intimate than we ever did having sex. He was completely dependent on me and that was hard for him but he joked that he bet I never expected this when I said in sickness and in health”.

As a single person, many of the Couple Things topics don't necessarily apply to me but I think it is very important to many people in your age range to hear these things. On this specific topic, as a 56 year old Catholic woman, I have come to realize that I will most likely be single the rest of my life because so many single men in my age range will NOT even consider dating someone if sex is not a significant priority and available early on in the dating time frame. I wish more people understood that intimacy is not necessarily about sex. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable for the benefit of others.

This was one of my favorite episodes YET! I love the way Shawn expresses her opinions and discusses this topic. She completely spoke my language and I am so appreciative for people like her to have a platform.

As a married woman in her 30s w/a 4 y/o, this conversation brought up a couple of extremely important topics that I need to discuss with my husband. Thank you THANK YOU to Shawn and Andrew for keeping this discussion honest, respectful, frank, but most importantly REAL. If I didn’t already have incredible respect for both of you, I have even more respect now 🙏🏻❤️👍🏻

Yes part 2!! I love how y’all said to not compare your intimate life to other people’s because it isn’t theirs, it’s you and your spouses! Would love to hear more about yalls Christian background and how that led y’all with boundaries before marriage and your view on “Christian dating”:)

Love this discussion. I’ve been married 16 yrs (together 23) & agree w/all of it. Phases are totally normal. Having kids changes your sexual intimacy. For me, I enjoyed it during pregnancy up until the last trimester (rough) but then having young kids makes it tough then it gets better..then you have teenagers & if you live in close quarters that comes w/challenges because now they now about sex & lord knows you don’t want them hearing anything (traumatizing) 😳😂 But in general we found physical intimacy to be heightened after having kids for multiple reasons. And yes, trust & communication are key. Resentment can creep in if you’re not intentional about open dialog, being respectful & having grace for the other persons needs. And compromise is huge.. I like that word better than sacrifice. When you do something you don’t necessarily feel like doing for the good of your relationship it’s not a sacrifice, it’s compromising because hopefully it’s a mutual thing that your spouse does as well. Totally agree that intimacy is far deeper than sex & doesn’t even have to include sex however, obviously a healthy marriage should include as much sex as you & your spouse need to feel connected. Men tend to need physical intimacy more whereas women tend to need emotional intimacy more. It’s just about learning how to best serve the other person & communicating your own needs as well.

Maybe talk about intimacy after a miscarriage ? I’ve had two losses so far so it would be nice to hear from someone else. 💛

In a relationship sex is important but intimacy is more important. My husband and I are once a weekers, occasionally twice. We’re opposites when it comes to sex, I’m the one usually wanting it and he’s like eh doesn’t matter if we do or not.

Those statistics are mind blowing.

I could tell that your words were so carefully thought out and genuine. This episode was very thought provoking! Thank you!

This really has been the most helpful of all the episodes so far - and I wasn't expecting that...You guys did a great job of keeping it so helpful and classy.

This was incredible insight as I was a month away from getting married, thank you SO much for your vulnerability and transparency!

Loved this one Shawn and Andrew! I really appreciate your honesty and openness. Intimacy should be talked about more and I loved the concept of intimacy not just being all about sex. I tend to feel guilty when I feel like my fiancé and I aren’t having sex “enough”. But it’s true when you’re in a committed relationship with someone there will always be phases. Thank you for sharing your experience and I look forward to your next episode!

Can’t tell you how much I appreciate you guys talking about all of these topics! I’ve been with my husband for almost 15 years (since we were teenagers), and married for 8 with 3 kiddos. Intimacy OUTSIDE of sex is KEY in marriage. It greatly improves our communication so it’s all full circle. And just know, there will always be ups and downs. Marriage isn’t easy, but insanely worth it! ❤️❤️

My husband and I recently had a baby and we are going through a phase. Thank you for helping me articulate better what I'm feeling and why! I have shared this with my husband for us to discuss today. Sometimes I think hearing the things I have been saying from someone else (you guys) is more effective and doesn't make the other party feel attacked. Never stop Couple Things!

Awesome episode! "Humor and communication" I cannot agree more. It's so important to feel comfortable with your spouse and be able to laugh in the most vulnerable situations.

actually laughed out loud about your dog being in the room feeling so weird - have literally had the same conversation with my husband while both of our large dogs stare at us. 😂

Intimacy is great as long as you can find someone to stick around long enough. Too many people hit a bump in the relationship, then boom, they're over it. Sad

Yes please do a part 2! This was wonderful!!

You both hit it on the nail in the classiest way every episode. So relatable and always inform me on topics I have so many thoughts about. Thank you guys for being so vulnerable and honest

I love this episode. I hear y’all speak and I’ve come to a couple of conclusions: 1. Sex is not the door to intimacy but the consummation of it. 2. This only because I’m a birth and postpartum educator/Doula. If we educate ourselves during pregnancy about what to expect during birth and the 4th trimester than we can better prepare to keep the door of communication open. Theoretically this will help maintain the intimacy because dads can understand what mom is going what she will go through. Moms can understand that their roller coaster of emotions is normal and not guilt themselves for it. So many things 3. Talking about Data points. We have to get rid of the notion that sex is a transactional thing. You’re trading goods and services. Absolutely not! Once you get rid of that notion, and you begin to understand that sex is a layer of intimacy than data doesn’t matter.

Would love a part 2- or ep on how to build intimacy (non sexual) when dating..

Similar to the candle, it reminds me of the New Girl mug-on-the-counter deal? aka “I’m open to it, but it’s your call. Lemme know.” *winky face*

This is actually my favorite podcast from you guys so far. Very relatable and grounded.

This was so raw and relevant and done with so much candor in a classy, fun way. Loved it! I feel like one of the the most fundamental things about intimacy is making sure your husband/wife/significant other feels how important, special, and significant they are to you and your entire existence. It allows the confidence and security your “person” needs to feel loved and adored and for them to want to reciprocate all those things making for a beautiful emotional and physical connection and relationship.

Absolutely there are stages in every relationship. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is good communication always fosters deeper intimacy. If you’re not constantly talking and getting to know one another, then I feel sex becomes more surface. You’ve got to stay in tune, no matter what comes. You have to prioritize each other and be fully transparent. Because there’s always going to be something that comes up where intimacy takes a hit. Sometimes it’s with disagreements, with moving, with expanding family dynamics, with illness and more. Its forever going to be something that requires effort and consistency. Men’s view of intimacy is also very different to women’s and I feel like you have to connect those dots too. Understanding that quite frankly, some men view sex as confirmation/result of intimacy and if it’s missing I find they do disconnect. So much great content in this conversation. Great podcast I can tell you guys were very thoughtful with this. It was really good.

This was great and love how open you two are about everything!

Learning never stops, we are seniors and still changing and learning about each other and what makes each other happy. May it never stop that we are willing to please each other. Isn’t that love?

My deceased husband always said that sometimes the best sex/intimacy isn't about the act or penetration it's about the affection you show each other whether just be cuddling or like Shawn said just simply talking & laughing laying in bed together. I know for him and I also we both agreed that we never wanted to use the word sex in the term I want sex, we had sex, etc. we always wanted it to be more than just sex. We always used the word made/making love, it just help romanticize it more. Anyone can have sex he said, but it take effort and work to make love and be romantic, however it looks again different for every couple.

I truly enjoyed this. Been married 17 yrs been with him 19 yrs. Only in our 40s. You are absolutely correct. Intimacy is not always about the act of sex. Its the way you connect and get close to one another. Yes the act of sex does slow down as your relationship ages but you go through chapters in your life. Your relationship shouldn't stay like it was when you first met or you are not growing in your relationship. You need to understand your partner. Be respectful of their body changes. Their insecurities, and more. Thats called marriage and loving your partner. Sex can still be just as good the older you get and longer your relationship ages but its in different ways. Sometimes just a nice walk with your partner with the dog every night leaving your phones and having conversations with your partner holding hands can be so intimate and close. This is a great topic. We all can use this conversation. Part 2 please.

Your so open on all aspects of your relationship. You're a great couple. Thank you for sharing.

However many episodes you need to make please do. This information is vital. Great episode.

I absolutely loved this episode and y’all seriously nailed it! You guys explained and broke down everything so perfectly with examples and references. I truly think this is going to help so many people. Myself being married for 10 years there’s a few things I’m taking from this that we haven’t practiced and I’m thankful for that. You guys are amazing. Thank you for talking about the hard things. 💜

I think there were some really important points covered in this video. One thing I would like to see you pull into your episodes is more awareness of people whose couple/family life looks very different than yours does. For example, couples who work different work shifts, parents who work outside of the home, those who rely on full-time childcare (not a family member), etc. It's not remotely realistic for parents who are rushing to get themselves and their young children out of the door by 6 AM to have reading time or deep conversation in the mornings. There are many of us who cannot have regular date nights because we work different shifts or because we don't have anyone to watch our kids in the evenings. I'd also love to see some inclusion of how poor body image plays into a couple's sex life.

This podcast has been super helpful. I’m pregnant with our second and I have been feeling as far as one could be from feeling sexy. My husband is so understanding of this and I’ve been feeling guilty knowing his needs aren’t being met. Hearing some suggestions of other non-physical forms of intimacy has been super helpful! Thank you two!

First I love that y’all did this!! I think it’s so important to have these conversations. For so many years and even now people are so Embarrassed to talk about intimacy or sex. When it’s such a natural thing, that we all experience. For anyone watching this could open up a conversation with their spouse they didn’t know they needed to have. LOVE IT! I am a very open person, and sometimes probably too open at times. 🤣🥴 But that has helped me have these conversations with friends and other couples. The main part of this whole video is communication!! Just talking about intimacy or sex can change so much in your marriage alone! I had sent a question via IG asking if y’all talk about expectations. That was a conversation that my husband and I had a couple years ago and it actually helped take the pressure of me, as a wife. I felt that my husband ALWAYS wanted sex; and I wasn’t able to do that. I asked him what his expectations were on the amounts either per week or month. What I had thought in my head was way different (less) than what he told me. I know sex Is very important for MY marriage. So I do try and make it a priority. But just having communication, has helped so much. And often “taking one for the team” has helped as well😉. But we’ve been together for almost 15 years and have a pretty healthy sex life. We go through the ups and downs like all marriages, and that is OK!!! Just be open and honest with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it face to face.. send a text. It can be easier to have a conversation through text sometimes rather than in person.

Would love a part two!!!! Can you talk about what you did (if anything) about this topic when preparing for marriage with your partner? Did y’all start being intentional with (non sex) intimacy when you were dating/engaged. What did that look like?

I absolutely love your podcast Shawn and Andrew!! You two are an amazing couple and I appreciate the time you put into all of this! 💚

So great! I'm still towards the beginning of the episode, but I think another barrier to real intimacy with your significant other is the need to compare ourselves to other couples. I like how you said that what works for one may not work for another. I'd love another episode diving deeper. If you feel like sharing your personal intimacy, go for it! But I think also allowing you guys to keep that between you is a way we can respect your boundaries. Anyway, as a professional marriage, family, and children's counselor, I appreciate the unbiased but genuine information you guys gave. Love and appreciate you both!

I really appreciate that you kept a lot of the specifics out of this - we all need to compare ourselves less and focus on what our own souls need 💕

THANK YOU for this video :) thank you for taking the time to share and give us advice, loved the video!!

Thank you for talking about this. My bf and I have been together for a year and we are still struggling with it.

This was amazing! So helpful! Please do part 2!

Thank you so much for this. It was beautifully said/stated, etc.

I Thank the lord for the fact that I believe my future husband will do anything and everything to make me happy.

Truth! 💚 I love y'alls honesty. I think everyone in the beginning has an unrealistic view of how marriage is, will or should be. BUT as long as both don't give up and stay respectful, the ups and downs won't be so damaging. My husband and I have been married for 20 years, we have 3 kids in HS. And everyday we learn a lil more and that's ok. 💚

Thank you for this episode. It is certainly "the" episode ;). I agree totally intamacy is a feeling of connection and closeness that cannot be put into words. I really appreciate your openness and willingness to open up about a vulnerable topic. You really covered this very comprehensively and responsibility. You voiced very important points. Every time you do an episode about couples, I learn something, but more importantly it connects me to others and myself. So thank you.

This one hit me really hard. I didnt know how to put some of my feelings into words but the fact is I haven’t felt like I can be vulnerable for years in my marriage because of judgement of just having feelings. I am in therapy and recently started couples therapy to help but it’s extremely tiring to revisit past hurt within my marriage. Thank you.

Thank you for being vulnerable enough to put this out into the world. I appreciate what you are doing.

Shawn and Andrew, thank you for having this topic on your Podcast. I am a survivor of domestic violence and rape with PTSD due to the trauma. My husband and I have had many conversations about love languages and our intimacy is phenomenal because of them. We have been married for 6 years, but together for 15 total.

Great perspectives. Its all about love, true intimacy, trust, and freedom I think! People should find what works for them ad a couple and it should never be condemning or guilt driven 💖

So glad there are comments here. I love you guys. You both are so unpretentious and genuine and goofy and funny and I just wanted to send you love. I just found this podcast. Excited to see them all. My bf slash baby daddy refuses to be intimate in every sense of the word. It's been at least 10 months since we had sex. Probably the same amount before that. I have gained weight since being post partum(my baby was born may2018) /pandemic phase. I have never ever been overweight and it really screws with my thoughts about myself. I know it shouldn't but it does. I feel like I have always been the more evolved one of us. I know that it takes work to get to a spot where you both feel fuffilled and happy and connected. I know sometimes you bithreally need to read each other and pick up on vibes and that's part of intimacy in my opinion. Being intimate in my opinion is being a hundred percent transparent. No filters. Knowing that your spouse is a total safe space. This is confirmation for me that I need to end this relationship(,can't even call it a relationship) I have no trust, no intimacy, he's not safety in my eyes, I'm someone I don't want to be. I feel like if we had intimacy, the no sex thing wouldn't be an issue really. Its not really a major issue with me now. There's no intimacy at all. It just magnifies everything. There's zero communication on his part. I feel like I am the only one that is open to grow and want to grow and can see that as a person and one half of a relation you NEED to evolve and be self aware as far as the other person is concerned i.e. picking up on their vibes and not always focusing on the negative but the positive changes. But if one person is always putting themselves out there and not being met halfway or even 25 percent, it's so hard to keep putting yourself out there. It's exactly what Shawn said about learning your spouses love language and making sacrifices. If one person is the only one always doing these things when is it time to end things? Sorry for sharing so much. But I just wanted to explain that this really is a confirmation for me and ok it what I need to do for myself and my son and his father. We all deserve to be and feel happy and safe . Life is passing me by it's far too precious to waste being sad and miserable and I do not want my son learning this behavior or feeling like this is what he needs to find when he grows up....…..

Also remember bodies change with life

Listening to the two of you uncomfortable and being valuable with us is beautiful.

As a newly wed, I needed to hear some of the things we go through are NORMAL! And even though things happened earlier on in our relationship/marriage, I still need to communicate that those things are still wanted and needed for me

Ok i think this was my favorite episode . I definitely needed to hear some of these things. Its hard not to compare . Thanks for the fun ideas. ❤️

Young couples also feel like their partner should ‘know’ since the sex has been so strong previously.

PART 2 PLEASE

Every podcast is pure gold and wisdom. Love you guys! I heard someone say before that intimacy is an overflowing of love for another. That has always stuck with me. 💓

As a woman who is chronically ill sex is not always possible. My husband and I had to find another ways to be intimate. We had to really talk and figure out how I can still make my husband felt needed. Achieving true intimacy is hard.

My father passed at 49 after a 5 month hospital stay. I recall once while my dad was very sick my mom leaned over to give him a kiss.. he "played" with her boobs and said I am so sorry darling thats all I can do right now. I loved watching them be so loving with each other.. Sadly after only 28 year of marriage my dad passed. Mom lived another 20 years but never got over that special love they shared.

I have watched your videos from time to time. Andrew you are just precious. Your parents should be commanded raising you to be the young man you are. Shawn you are too! Keep your eyes on the Lord and let him be at the center of it all.

Thank you!!! Love this so much. Communication is definitely the key to it all!

Wait Drew is a YEAR AND A HALF?!?!!?!?!! Where does the time go?!!?

just wow. thanx. i soooooooooooooo much appreciate how vunerable and honest you are. Im 10000 yrs old but i learn something everytime. Next time your in Westfield, let me know. luv to tee it up. luv u guys

This is a great discussion and thank you for being brave enough as a couple to speak about it. So valuable for not only couples in a long term relationship, but people who are seeking relationships, its a good perspective to have going into a new relationship too. :)

Thank you for this episode! It keeps getting better! Love that you are honest with your intimate relationship and honor one another! Keep it up!

I really enjoyed this podcast. Im glad you talked about intimacy, and just how it changes through a relationship. Its so true. I always thought that would be the easiest part, and then life happens. Its so easy to forget that we all need to feel special,and loved too, even the small things can help. Thanks for sharing your personal experience and thoughts on this.

Thanks for your transparency, especially on this topic.

Great job on a very challenging subject matter, guys! Coming from a Marriage and Family Therapist. Tons of wisdom and I even learned a few great ideas from you

Such a beautiful, respectful episode. Thank you for that.

Even though I'm going to be 63 in September I really enjoyed this session I can relate to in in our early years in marriage and feel there's going to be a lot of great feed back with this one. Love the East Fam❤😂🎉🎉😂❤

Gosh everytime Andrew says the word intimacy or intimate.. I cringe! It's not "in-a-macy and inamate"" its "In-Ta-Ma-Cy and in-ta-mate" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ but on another note..I really did enjoy this episode. Love the points yall made.

Thanks for this episode guys; I really appreciated how open, honest, and helpful you guys were! 😊

Our favorite country place we go to in the fall and where planning a getaway for our anniversary’ we make sure we get a romantic room facing the farm land! We actually take a nice bubble bath together! It’s so romantic together..! Like where counting the days down.. In 2 day’s. It’ll be 30 day’s!

Yea, yea, yea...homegirl lucked the eff out with this guy. He's just a good guy thru and thru. Good 4 ya, Shawna.👏👏👏

You gave some good advice, and you're an amazing couple. The Lord protect you and keep you and your marriage from evil 🙏🏻💗🕊️.

One thing that caught my eyes when I saw my wife then she was my girlfriend ! Her beautiful curvy body! I thought she looked absolutely stunning.’ So beautiful ! Beautiful face! I had to ask her out! She still has these amazing curves on her.! I love to listen to your story! I see myself looking at her walking by in our house.! She’s so fine looking! I even make sure I tell her her how fine looking she is! How fine looking she is!

This was so amazing, honest, such good advice! ❤️

You may wonder why a 61 year old grandma is viewing a podcast on intimacy in relationships, but I believe we are all here to learn from each other and a big part of this is sharing our experiences. You all are so good at doing this and because I have had failed relationships and my kids come to me for advice, I can use your success as a couple to pass on to my kids. Intimacy is one of the most valuable components of a healthy relationship and so many people think that intimacy just means sex. Thank you for the valuable contributions you are making to other couples relationships and for giving me a valuable tool to assist me in explaining the difference to my adult kids and grandkids who need to know what true intimacy is. I know you are not experts but sometimes the human approach far outweighs any educational approach.

Amazing session. You are both articulate I appreciated your thoughts

Thanks for the discussion and your honesty on this subject!!

When you reach that intimacy point Shawn is talking about, then you fall into the sex realm…. The passion can be so overwhelming speaking on (the Bible) it can become animalistic. But, in a good way though when you trust your partner and are in love, sex is beautiful and can last alnight long. Nothing will make you feel more like (one) then beautiful all night love making and watching the sun coming up. Been married 41 yrs together 46

Me and my husband were able to learn to talk about sex going through infertility because that is a whole nother challenge. But from day 1 we have never made sex a main priority and actually vocalized we didn't want our relationship to be based on sex.

Thank you so much for this!! So blessed by this podcast 😌

Loved this video and your podcast in general! Thank you for these episodes!

My husband and I lacked intimacy for a long time but we stopped and talked through things and figured out what we both needed from each other for intimacy to be there and we’ve been better ever since.

I'm 62 yrs old, listening and watching this I've learned to be me.Thank you both ☺️🤗🌞