The Over Sexualization of Women in the LDS Church - An Interview w/Breeana Wright Pt. 1 

😂😂😂 This is awesome!!!! 🤣👏🏼👏🏼

😂😂😂😂

Awwwww🥹🥹🥹. Love, love, love you, Lis! YES! Our friendship is THEEEE BEST thing that came out of St. David!🙌🏼

Amen sister!

Well, she chose to be in an abusive relationship. I don't see how that's the churches fault

@@codeman966 a person does not usually choose to be in an abusive relationship. My point is that the church conditions, especially women, to forgive and to stick with the abuser and that the abuse doesn't exist. This is from personal experience over and over.

I don't know who taught you that. Church leaders taught me that women should stand up for what is right and have standards.

@@codeman966 Many different Bishops for 22 years. They told me to forgive the abusive man I was married to, that abuse was not a good reason for divorce, that my marriage was eternal, that I should wait until the millennium and he would get better, that it was like he had a nail stuck in his head and couldn't see it. By the time God gave me the all clear to leave, even after a bishop had recently shared this exact message, that man had gone after multiple other women and was very addicted to porn. The man I was married to blindsided me with full divorce papers the next morning after we talked about it. He had already had a lawyer in place and wanted me to be the"bad guy".. After I worked through that trauma and abuse, I continue to thank God for the gift of breaking Free finally. I'm blessed with a good man now who is faithful, loyal, kind, not abusive, and has learned of the corruption in the whole church organization. It was because of that first abusive relationship that I was able to recognize the exact same patterns of abuse, trauma bonding, gaslighting, and conditioning that are in the church. I'm also grateful to God that he helped me wake up to the truth about the corrupted, abomination of the LDS church that is run by man, not God.

My mother was taught something along those lines.

🥺💔 So wrong.

Relatable. So frustrating.

I'm sincerely glad for your wife that you are a man who is considerate of her sexual needs! That is fantastic, and very, very good for both of you! I want to point out a few small things to you, from your own words here, that contribute and illustrate the exact problem that women in the church face. Please read them in a genuine tone, because that is the way I intend them. This is not necessarily a message directed "at" you specifically in a critical way, but I am hoping that it will both provide you with a new perspective and that perhaps you can help other men in the church start to see the women's side. One of the things you said is "I need not comment on the differences between a woman and man's sex drive", and ... THAT is a very real issue. **Because it is a false premise,** one which the church STRONGLY reinforces. The idea that the intensity of one's sex drive is related to being male or female is absolutely false. Fully, completely, demonstrably false. Sex drive is based on several factors that include 1.)the way someone is taught to view sex by their community, 2.)INDIVIDUAL preferences and experience, 3.)body image, 4.)the chemical biology of hormones within humans' bodies and 5.)the relationship each individual has between their own physical arousal and their mental state of arousal. Women do not "naturally" have low sex drive and men do not "naturally" have high sex drive. The LDS church actively and passively teaches its members to have very poor understanding of the actual, real mechanics of sex and intimacy. Women in the church VERY, VERY commonly suffer from a **documented** phenomenon called "Good Girl Syndrome" that has been researched by doctors who are active members of the church and others who are not members. Good Girl Syndrome is a complex thing, but a very bare bones summary is this: a girl is intensely taught from a young age that to be "good" she MUST avoid sex and sexual education, all the way until marriage, then suddenly the narrative abruptly shifts and sex becomes this sacred, celestial thing that the now married woman is supposed to be immediately, and magically enjoy which often leads to mental, emotional, and YES even physical harm. This is EXACTLY what happens in the church: from the time LDS girls are 12 years old, they are taught that "chastity" is their MOST important trait, over and over and over (there are MULTIPLE apostles and prophets who have said OVER THE PULPIT that is it better for a woman to DIE than to lose her chastity, think about that for a moment), and we are taught that marriage is the most important, holy, sacred covenant, thus we should avoid any and all things that may "invite" satan to deceive and destroy our chastity. We are taught that it is our responsibility to dress modestly so that we do not "tempt" our brothers to have impure thoughts--we are directly and expressly told that we are responsible for MEN'S SINS. We are taught that our bodies can make people stumble. This creates significant anxiety and cognitive dissonance, as well as problems with our ability to be comfortable in our bodies and have healthy, happy sexual experiences. We go for YEARS from the ages of 12 (or younger, for some girls) to our wedding nights being told "sex is bad, it's a sin, you shouldn't be sexy or seductive or tempting" and then as soon as we're married we're expected to FLIP A SWITCH, magically be comfortable and confident in our bodies, have tons of sex, and get pregnant ASAP. Be pure until it is time to make babies. (Also, by the way, your eternal salvation and eternal identity is intrinsically tied to you having babies. So, if you don't enjoy sex not only are you disappointing your spouse, you are failing as a "mother in Zion". Also, also, also pregnancy can absolutely WRECK your body and complications during labor and postpartum can have associated pains and trauma that can last for the rest of your time in mortality. But shh, no one will really sit you down and tell you any of THAT before you get pregnant, because you were born female and and being female is how Heavenly Father made you, so just don't worry about it and have babies already.) You want to know why members generally think that women desire sex less than men? BECAUSE THE CHURCH TEACHES AND CONDITIONS US TO HAVE LOWER SEX DRIVE. The church's approach to teaching chastity, and they way that young women and adult women are treated (even in the best situations and in relationships that don't have abuse) creates a harmful, self-fulfilling, self-perpetuating cycle. Just like Breeana and Claire said in the video, girls and women in the church are **NOT** taught to recognize signs of abuse, we are not given healthy sex education, we are not taught about consent, we are not taught to have confidence in our own bodily autonomy. Instead we are given lessons that compare our "unchaste" bodies to cupcakes that have been bitten into, gum that has been chewed, and roses that have had their petals ripped off. (I am not exaggerating, all three of those examples are REAL object lessons I was personally taught at various times when I was a teenager in young women's, and I know many, MANY other LDS women just like me were given these lessons. Ask your wife if she ever had a lesson like that, I'll bet she has.) Do you understand how damaging it is to have trusted authority figures telling you that your worth and value are tied to your virginity? Have you, as a male member in the LDS church, ever had one of your parents, teachers, or leaders tell you that YOU are responsible for the impure thoughts you cause in your female counterparts? Have you ever had to worry if your shirt's collar is too low-cut for other people to look at? Have you ever had to question if the creepy way someone looked at you was your fault? Have you ever been presumed to be "loose"/"easy" purely because you exist and a part of you body is shaped in a way you have no control over? Before you got married or even were old enough to date, did you ever have a teacher in your young mens' group tell you that you needed to stay pure because if you didn't you might disappoint or even disgust your hypothetical future eternal companion? The vast majority of girls and women in the church can (and do) authentically answer 'yes' to all of these things. I am going to go on a limb and guess that for you (and most boys/men) the answer to most, IF NOT ALL, of these questions I've just asked is "no". Because men's sexuality in the church is the valued, approved default. Women's sexuality is highly, HIGHLY controlled. Boys and men are allowed to view their bodies as good and their sexual biology as healthy and normal with proper moderation, while girls and women are taught our bodies are shameful and that our natural, normal sexuality should be feared. On top of that, NO formal guidance whatsoever is given to newlyweds about things as simple as the physical stages of arousal or what a clitoris is! Do you know what a clitoris is? If you do, how did you learn about it? Because I absolutely guarantee that you didn't learn about even those simple, basic things from any church sponsored material. It doesn't exist. Sure, there's independent LDS authors who have written things Seagull Book and Deseret Book are happy to make money selling, but real, practical LDS sex education does not exist. The only way for LDS members to get sex-ed is that they first have to be engaged or married so they're "allowed" to even try to educate themselves without feeling like what they're doing is a sin or they can clumsily fumble through sex with no practical knowledge and hope they eventually luck their way into figuring out how to both enjoy the act. There is a very real problem in the church with how women are treated, and women who try to bring it to light are talked over, ignored, or told we're "bashing men". As much as male members of the LDS church want to say that men and women are treated equally ("just have different divine roles") and as uncomfortable as this subject might be, pretending it isn't there harms EVERYONE. Until the "good" men in the church (like yourself) are willing and able to actually listen and implement real change this problem WILL persist. "Wedding Night Trauma" will continue, the Good Girl Syndrome will continue to be part of the faithful LDS experience for women in the church, and everyone will continue with the idea that sex drive is related to being male or female... All of these things cause real harm, and have for a long, long time. They'll stay in the LDS church until men start paying attenion and making changes, BECAUSE IT IS THE MEN who RUN the church. So, again, please, if you sincerely want to understand, read my response to you a few more times. Maybe even show it to your wife and get her thoughts. It isn't enough for men in the church to say "it doesn't matter what the men have been taught, if they can discern between right and wrong" because it ABSOLUTELY DOES matter what is taught. Priesthood, held by men, controls and dictates every single thing women in the church do. EVEN RELIEF SOCIETY, the **women's** organization within the church cannot carry out actions without approval from a MALE priesthood holder. All women can ACTUALLY do to mitigate these things is to express problems, communicate and share when there are concerns, and wait for men to care enough to start listening and believing what is being told. So, please, please, please, do as Elder Bednar suggests and listen without choosing to get offended. Listen with the intent to understand. And then, advocate for the real changes that need to occur.

Well said. Thanks Amy!

@@amyjudy33LOVE your comment!

Your comment reminded me of an experience I had at a pest control job where all of the sales people were returned missionaries. They were very inappropriate around me... I was married and my husband worked with them but when he wasn't there, they cut loose. I talked with the owner/manager about it (also LDS) and he said, "It's just bathroom talk. That's what men do." Um... absolutely not! The sexual harassment was so bad that we quit a couple days later.

​@@lisa143justinHow disappointing and sad that their behavior was excused. This is exactly the results of Brigham Young, his cohorts, and their mentality about men vs. women! The church breeds many lustful and entitled boys and men.💔

Thank you for being a man who is open to the experiences of women and who wants to do all you can to protect your five beautiful daughters from domineering men! Men like you are a blessing to this world and to all of mankind.

Strong daughter was repeatedly in tears when w/her Mormon bf, who was very much like his manipulating & male chauvinist dad. He was threatened by her physical & mental strength. It was as if she couldn't be happy unless he was. He tried to BREAK HER! So Controlling. Difficult to watch. Happy she married a Great non-member who thinks Mormon cult is SILLY!!

Ughhhh😭😭😭 Sammmme.💔 We were shamed for something about or bodies that we didn't ask for or have any part in determining. It's a sign of perversion, the Spirit of Perversion prevalent in the church. Horrible

You are a man. And hopefully you are a good man. No other man is going to share that with you, unless possibly a bishop. That is the church. Go visit the singles wards. They're terrible. You're right, this is a very pervasive attitude all over the world. That is true. But the church is not exempt from that simply because they are the LDS church. But because we teach virtue, we should be doing better than the rest of the world. And there are very few to no tools in the church to overcome. Ask young women what their bishops tell them when their husbands are abusing them. There are not good tools. Us women are usually just stuck in this position where we don't even know what is happening. What we're proposing here is bringing the tools forth to overcome. Really hitting the roots of the issues. Teaching boys how to become good men, and protecting our young girls. And vice versa because there are women who are not good news either. Repentance is key, and not just some fluffy version of repentance. Turning to Jesus to overcome is the key, and we're not teaching that anymore. Not in it's full depth and grasp of the concept. It's a tragedy. Thank you for watching. Listen to the younger generation. They desperately need help navigating these things.

I want to point out some things to you that contribute and illustrate the exact problem that women in the church face. Please read them in a genuine tone, because that is the way I intend them. This is not necessarily a message directed "at" you specifically in a critical way, but I am hoping that it will both provide you with a new perspective and that perhaps you can help other men in the church start to see the women's side. The LDS church actively and passively teaches its members to have very poor understanding of the actual, real mechanics of sex and intimacy. Women in the church VERY, VERY commonly suffer from a **documented** phenomenon called "Good Girl Syndrome" that has been researched by doctors who are active members of the church and others who are not members. Good Girl Syndrome is a complex thing, but a very bare bones summary is this: a girl is intensely taught from a young age that to be "good" she MUST avoid sex and sexual education, all the way until marriage, then suddenly the narrative abruptly shifts and sex becomes this sacred, celestial thing that the now married woman is supposed to be immediately, and magically enjoy which often leads to mental, emotional, and YES even physical harm. This is EXACTLY what happens in the church: from the time LDS girls are 12 years old, they are taught that "chastity" is their MOST important trait, over and over and over (there are MULTIPLE apostles and prophets who have said OVER THE PULPIT that is it better for a woman to DIE than to lose her chastity, think about that for a moment), and we are taught that marriage is the most important, holy, sacred covenant, thus we should avoid any and all things that may "invite" satan to deceive and destroy our chastity. We are taught that it is our responsibility to dress modestly so that we do not "tempt" our brothers to have impure thoughts--we are directly and expressly told that we are responsible for MEN'S SINS. We are taught that our bodies can make our brothers stumble. This creates significant anxiety and cognitive dissonance, as well as problems with our ability to be comfortable in our bodies and have healthy, happy sexual experiences. We go for YEARS from the ages of 12 (or younger, for some girls) to our wedding nights being told "sex is bad, it's a sin, you shouldn't be sexy or seductive or tempting" and then as soon as we're married we're expected to FLIP A SWITCH, magically be comfortable and confident in our bodies, have tons of sex, and get pregnant ASAP. Be pure until it is time to make babies. (Also, by the way, our eternal salvation and eternal identity is intrinsically tied to us having babies. So, if we don't enjoy sex not only are we disappointing your spouses, we are failing as a "mother in Zion". Also, also, also pregnancy can absolutely WRECK your body and complications during labor and the postpartum period can have associated pains and trauma that can last for the rest of your time on this earth. But shh, no one will really sit you down and tell you any of THAT before you get pregnant, because you were born female and and being female is how Heavenly Father made you, so just don't worry about it and have babies already.) The church's approach to teaching chastity, and they way that young women and adult women are treated (even in the best situations and in relationships that don't have abuse) creates a harmful, self-fulfilling, self-perpetuating cycle. Just like Breeana and Claire said in the video, girls and women in the church are **NOT** taught to recognize signs of abuse, we are not given healthy sex education, we are not taught about consent, we are not taught to have confidence in our own bodily autonomy. Instead we are given lessons that compare our "unchaste" bodies to cupcakes that have been bitten into, gum that has been chewed, and roses that have had their petals ripped off. (I am not exaggerating, all three of those examples are REAL object lessons I was personally taught at various times when I was a teenager in young women's, and I know many, MANY other LDS women just like me were given these lessons. Ask your wife if she ever had a lesson like that, I'll bet she has.) Do you understand how damaging it is to have trusted authority figures telling you that your worth and value are tied to your virginity? Have you, as a male member in the LDS church, ever had one of your parents, teachers, or leaders tell you that YOU are responsible for the impure thoughts you cause in your female counterparts? Have you ever had to worry if your shirt's collar is too low-cut for other people to look at? Have you ever had to question if the creepy way someone looked at you was your fault? Have you ever been presumed to be "loose"/"easy" purely because you exist and a part of you body is shaped in a way you have no control over? Before you got married or even were old enough to date, did you ever have a teacher in your young mens' group tell you that you needed to stay pure because if you didn't you might disappoint or even disgust your hypothetical future eternal companion? The vast majority of girls and women in the church can (and do) authentically answer 'yes' to all of these things. I am going to go on a limb and guess that for you (and most boys/men) the answer to most, IF NOT ALL, of these questions I've just asked is "no". Because men's sexuality in the church is the valued, approved default. Women's sexuality is highly, HIGHLY controlled. Boys and men are allowed and even encouraged to view their bodies as good and their sexual biology as healthy and normal with proper moderation, while girls and women are taught our bodies are shameful and that our natural, normal sexuality should be feared. On top of that, NO formal guidance whatsoever is given to newlyweds about things as simple as the physical stages of arousal or what a clitoris is! Do you know what a clitoris is? If you do, how did you learn about it? Because I absolutely guarantee that you didn't learn about even those simple, basic things from any church sponsored material. It doesn't exist. Sure, there's independent LDS authors who have written things Seagull Book and Deseret Book are happy to make money selling, but real, practical LDS sex education does not exist. The only way for LDS members to get sex-ed is that they first have to be engaged or married so they're "allowed" to even try to educate themselves without feeling like what they're doing is a sin or they can clumsily fumble through sex with no practical knowledge and hope they eventually luck their way into figuring out how to both enjoy the act. There is a very real problem in the church with how women are treated, and women who try to bring it to light are talked over, ignored, or told we're "bashing men". As much as male members of the LDS church want to say that men and women are treated equally ("just have different divine roles") and as uncomfortable as this subject might be, pretending it isn't there harms EVERYONE. Until the "good" men in the church (like yourself) are willing and able to actually listen and implement real change this problem WILL persist. "Wedding Night Trauma" will continue, the Good Girl Syndrome will continue to be part of the faithful LDS experience for women in the church, and everyone will continue to believe the PROVEN myth that men have higher sex drive and women have lower sex drive... All of these things cause real harm, and have for a long, long time. They'll stay in the LDS church until men start paying attention and making changes, BECAUSE IT IS THE MEN who RUN the church. So, again, please, if you sincerely want to understand, read my response to you a few more times. Maybe even show it to your wife and get her thoughts. It isn't enough for men in the church to say "not all LDS men" because it ABSOLUTELY DOES matter what women have to say. Priesthood, held by men, controls and dictates every single thing women in the church do. EVEN RELIEF SOCIETY, the **women's** organization within the church cannot carry out actions without approval from a MALE priesthood holder. All women can ACTUALLY do to mitigate these things is to express problems, communicate and share when there are concerns, and wait for men to care enough to start listening and believing what is being told. So, please, please, please, do as Elder Bednar suggests and listen without choosing to get offended. Listen with the intent to understand. And then, please advocate for the real changes that need to occur.

The LDS church actively and passively teaches its members to have very poor understanding of the actual, real mechanics of sex and intimacy. Women in the church VERY, VERY commonly suffer from a **documented** phenomenon called "Good Girl Syndrome" that has been researched by doctors who are active members of the church and others who are not members. Good Girl Syndrome is complex, but a very bare bones summary is this: a girl is intensely taught from a young age that to be "good" she MUST avoid sex and sexual education, all the way until marriage, then suddenly it abruptly shifts at marriage and sex becomes this sacred, celestial thing that the now married woman is supposed to be immediately, and magically enjoy which often leads to mental, emotional, and YES even physical harm. There are MULTIPLE apostles and prophets who have said OVER THE PULPIT that it is better for a woman to DIE than to lose her chastity (think about that for a moment). We are taught we should avoid any and all things that may invite satan to deceive and destroy our chastity. We ARE taught that it is our responsibility to dress modestly so that we do not "tempt" our brothers to have impure thoughts--we are directly and expressly told that we are responsible for MEN'S SINS! We are taught that our bodies can make people stumble. This creates significant anxiety and cognitive dissonance, as well as problems with our ability to be comfortable in our bodies and have healthy, happy sexual experiences. We go for YEARS being told "sex is bad, it's a sin, you shouldn't be sexy or seductive or tempting" and then as soon as we're married we're expected to FLIP A SWITCH, suddenly be comfortable and confident in our bodies, have tons of sex, and get pregnant ASAP. Just like Breeana and Claire said in the video, girls and women in the church are **NOT** taught to recognize signs of abuse, we are not given healthy sex education, we are not taught about consent, we are not taught to have confidence in our own bodily autonomy. Instead we are given lessons that compare our "unchaste" bodies to cupcakes that have been bitten into, gum that has been chewed, and roses that have had their petals ripped off. (I am not exaggerating, all three of those examples are REAL object lessons I was personally taught at various times when I was a teenager in young women's, and I know many, MANY other LDS women just like me were given these lessons.) Do you understand how damaging it is to have trusted authority figures telling you that your worth and value are tied to your virginity? Have you, as a male member in the LDS church, ever had one of your parents, teachers, or leaders tell you that YOU are responsible for the impure thoughts you cause in your female counterparts? Have you ever had to worry if your shirt's collar is too low-cut for other people to look at? Have you ever had to question if the creepy way someone looked at you was your fault? Have you ever been presumed to be "loose"/"easy" purely because you exist and a part of your body is shaped in a way you have no control over? Before you got married or even were old enough to date, did you ever have a teacher in your young mens' group tell you that you needed to stay pure because if you didn't you might disappoint or even disgust your hypothetical future eternal companion? The vast majority of girls and women in the church can (and do) authentically answer 'yes' to all of these things. On top of that, NO formal guidance whatsoever is given to newlyweds about things as simple as the physical stages of arousal or what a clitoris is! Do you know what a clitoris is? If you do, how did you learn about it? Because I absolutely guarantee that you didn't learn about even those simple, basic things from any church sponsored material. It doesn't exist. Sure, there's independent LDS authors who have written things Seagull Book and Deseret Book are happy to make money selling, but real, practical LDS sex education does not exist. The only way for LDS members to get sex-ed is that they first have to be engaged or married so they're "allowed" to even try to educate themselves without feeling like what they're doing is a sin or they can clumsily fumble through sex with no practical knowledge and hope they eventually luck their way into figuring out how to both enjoy the act. Until the "good" men in the church (like yourself) are willing and able to actually listen and implement real change these problems WILL persist. BECAUSE IT IS THE MEN who RUN the church. So, again, please, if you sincerely want to understand, read my response to you a few more times. It isn't enough for men in the church to say "not all men" because it ABSOLUTELY DOES matter what women are saying. Priesthood, held by men, controls and dictates what every single thing women in the church does. EVEN RELIEF SOCIETY, the **women's** organization within the church cannot carry out actions without approval from a MALE priesthood holder. All women can ACTUALLY do to mitigate problems is to express them to men, communicate and share why they are real, and wait for men to care enough to start listening and believing what is being told. So, please, please, please, do as Elder Bednar suggests and listen without choosing to get offended. Listen with the intent to understand and then, please, advocate for the real changes that need to occur.

The LDS church actively and passively teaches its members to have very poor understanding of the actual, real mechanics of sex and intimacy. Women in the church VERY, VERY commonly suffer from a **documented** phenomenon called "Good Girl Syndrome" that has been researched by doctors who are active members of the church and others who are not members. Good Girl Syndrome is complex, but a very bare bones summary is this: a girl is intensely taught from a young age that to be "good" she MUST avoid sex and sexual education, all the way until marriage, then suddenly it abruptly shifts at marriage and sex becomes this sacred, celestial thing that the now married woman is supposed to be immediately, and magically enjoy which often leads to mental, emotional, and YES even physical harm. There are MULTIPLE apostles and prophets who have said OVER THE PULPIT that it is better for a woman to DIE than to lose her chastity (think about that for a moment). We are taught we should avoid any and all things that may invite satan to deceive and destroy our chastity. We ARE taught that it is our responsibility to dress modestly so that we do not "tempt" our brothers to have impure thoughts--we are directly and expressly told that we are responsible for MEN'S SINS! We are taught that our bodies can make people stumble. This creates significant anxiety and cognitive dissonance, as well as problems with our ability to be comfortable in our bodies and have healthy, happy sexual experiences. We go for YEARS being told "sex is bad, it's a sin, you shouldn't be sexy or seductive or tempting" and then as soon as we're married we're expected to FLIP A SWITCH, suddenly be comfortable and confident in our bodies, have tons of sex, and get pregnant ASAP. Just like Breeana and Claire said in the video, girls and women in the church are **NOT** taught to recognize signs of abuse, we are not given healthy sex education, we are not taught about consent, we are not taught to have confidence in our own bodily autonomy. Instead we are given lessons that compare our "unchaste" bodies to cupcakes that have been bitten into, gum that has been chewed, and roses that have had their petals ripped off. (I am not exaggerating, all three of those examples are REAL object lessons I was personally taught at various times when I was a teenager in young women's, and I know many, MANY other LDS women just like me were given these lessons.) Do you understand how damaging it is to have trusted authority figures telling you that your worth and value are tied to your virginity? Have you, as a male member in the LDS church, ever had one of your parents, teachers, or leaders tell you that YOU are responsible for the impure thoughts you cause in your female counterparts? Have you ever had to worry if your shirt's collar is too low-cut for other people to look at? Have you ever had to question if the creepy way someone looked at you was your fault? Have you ever been presumed to be "loose"/"easy" purely because you exist and a part of your body is shaped in a way you have no control over? Before you got married or even were old enough to date, did you ever have a teacher in your young mens' group tell you that you needed to stay pure because if you didn't you might disappoint or even disgust your hypothetical future eternal companion? The vast majority of girls and women in the church can (and do) authentically answer 'yes' to all of these things. On top of that, NO formal guidance whatsoever is given to newlyweds about things as simple as the physical stages of arousal or what a clitoris is! Do you know what a clitoris is? If you do, how did you learn about it? Because I absolutely guarantee that you didn't learn about even those simple, basic things from any church sponsored material. It doesn't exist. Sure, there's independent LDS authors who have written things Seagull Book and Deseret Book are happy to make money selling, but real, practical LDS sex education does not exist. The only way for LDS members to get sex-ed is that they first have to be engaged or married so they're "allowed" to even try to educate themselves without feeling like what they're doing is a sin or they can clumsily fumble through sex with no practical knowledge and hope they eventually luck their way into figuring out how to both enjoy the act. Until the "good" men in the church (like yourself) are willing and able to actually listen and implement real change these problems WILL persist. BECAUSE IT IS THE MEN who RUN the church. So, again, please, if you sincerely want to understand, read my response to you a few more times. It isn't enough for men in the church to say "not all men" because it ABSOLUTELY DOES matter what women are saying. Priesthood, held by men, controls and dictates what every single thing women in the church does. EVEN RELIEF SOCIETY, the **women's** organization within the church cannot carry out actions without approval from a MALE priesthood holder. All women can ACTUALLY do to mitigate problems is to express them to men, communicate and share why they are real, and wait for men to care enough to start listening and believing what is being told. So, please, please, please, do as Elder Bednar suggests and listen without choosing to get offended. Listen with the intent to understand and then, please, advocate for the real changes that need to occur.

The LDS church actively and passively teaches its members to have very poor understanding of the actual, real mechanics of sex and intimacy. Women in the church VERY, VERY commonly suffer from a **documented** phenomenon called "Good Girl Syndrome" that has been researched by doctors who are active members of the church and others who are not members. Good Girl Syndrome is complex, but a very bare bones summary is this: a girl is intensely taught from a young age that to be "good" she MUST avoid sex and sexual education, all the way until marriage, then suddenly it abruptly shifts at marriage and sex becomes this sacred, celestial thing that the now married woman is supposed to be immediately, and magically enjoy which often leads to mental, emotional, and YES even physical harm. There are MULTIPLE apostles and prophets who have said OVER THE PULPIT that it is better for a woman to DIE than to lose her chastity (think about that for a moment). We are taught we should avoid any and all things that may invite satan to deceive and destroy our chastity. We ARE taught that it is our responsibility to dress modestly so that we do not "tempt" our brothers to have impure thoughts--we are directly and expressly told that we are responsible for MEN'S SINS! We are taught that our bodies can make people stumble. This creates significant anxiety and cognitive dissonance, as well as problems with our ability to be comfortable in our bodies and have healthy, happy sexual experiences. We go for YEARS being told "sex is bad, it's a sin, you shouldn't be sexy or seductive or tempting" and then as soon as we're married we're expected to FLIP A SWITCH, suddenly be comfortable and confident in our bodies, have tons of sex, and get pregnant ASAP. Just like Breeana and Claire said in the video, girls and women in the church are **NOT** taught to recognize signs of abuse, we are not given healthy sex education, we are not taught about consent, we are not taught to have confidence in our own bodily autonomy. Instead we are given lessons that compare our "unchaste" bodies to cupcakes that have been bitten into, gum that has been chewed, and roses that have had their petals ripped off. (I am not exaggerating, all three of those examples are REAL object lessons I was personally taught at various times when I was a teenager in young women's, and I know many, MANY other LDS women just like me were given these lessons.) Do you understand how damaging it is to have trusted authority figures telling you that your worth and value are tied to your virginity? Have you, as a male member in the LDS church, ever had one of your parents, teachers, or leaders tell you that YOU are responsible for the impure thoughts you cause in your female counterparts? Have you ever had to worry if your shirt's collar is too low-cut for other people to look at? Have you ever had to question if the creepy way someone looked at you was your fault? Have you ever been presumed to be "loose"/"easy" purely because you exist and a part of your body is shaped in a way you have no control over? Before you got married or even were old enough to date, did you ever have a teacher in your young mens' group tell you that you needed to stay pure because if you didn't you might disappoint or even disgust your hypothetical future eternal companion? The vast majority of girls and women in the church can (and do) authentically answer 'yes' to all of these things. On top of that, NO formal guidance whatsoever is given to newlyweds about things as simple as the physical stages of arousal or what a clitoris is! Do you know what a clitoris is? If you do, how did you learn about it? Because I absolutely guarantee that you didn't learn about even those simple, basic things from any church sponsored material. It doesn't exist. Sure, there's independent LDS authors who have written things Seagull Book and Deseret Book are happy to make money selling, but real, practical LDS sex education does not exist. The only way for LDS members to get sex-ed is that they first have to be engaged or married so they're "allowed" to even try to educate themselves without feeling like what they're doing is a sin or they can clumsily fumble through sex with no practical knowledge and hope they eventually luck their way into figuring out how to both enjoy the act. Until the "good" men in the church (like yourself) are willing and able to actually listen and implement real change these problems WILL persist. BECAUSE IT IS THE MEN who RUN the church. So, again, please, if you sincerely want to understand, read my response to you a few more times. It isn't enough for men in the church to say "not all men" because it ABSOLUTELY DOES matter what women are saying. Priesthood, held by men, controls and dictates what every single thing women in the church does. EVEN RELIEF SOCIETY, the **women's** organization within the church cannot carry out actions without approval from a MALE priesthood holder. All women can ACTUALLY do to mitigate problems is to express them to men, communicate and share why they are real, and wait for men to care enough to start listening and believing what is being told. So, please, please, please, do as Elder Bednar suggests and listen without choosing to get offended. Listen with the intent to understand and then, please, advocate for the real changes that need to occur.

You can do better than that, Lisa! 😆

​@Kristy_not_kristine Breeana is my best friend and I've been looking forward to this episode for over a month. 😅 I was just being silly. :)

Breeana never said otherwise. :)

I will never understand why people feel the need to be rude and condescending. It's not Christlike in the least. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Fine, didn't resonate with your wife but it's apparently resonating with others. Don't be one of those people that say "because I or we don't see it... it doesn't happen." It's the most condescending thinking.

I know many good people who are Latter-day Saints.

Impossible for a good person to come from the Mormon church. That goes for the exmo crowd as well. They are tainted by their history in the church. Terrible people all around.

It is not "man bashing" to discuss women's treatment within the church. Congrats on your long marriage! Having a long marriage doesn't give you any authority in other people's lives. LDS men ought to take Elder Bednar's counsel to 'choose not to be offended' and learn to listen better to what the women have to say about their own experiences.

Men who are toxic/abusive need to be called out. Not once did Breeana say that all men are that way.

We both realize and acknowledged in this episode that there are good men out there. And I love and respect those men very much! I know many of them personally! Men who have repented and are honest and pure. But by not calling the perverted men out on their sins, we're hurting our daughters and all of the future young girls coming up in the church. I didn't know men were looking at me this way until it directly affected me and I had trauma I had to heal from. If we can warn ahead of time and teach young girls the signs, it will protect them. Yes, there are lustful women that have to repent as well. We openly stated that. It's no different for us girls. But acknowledging the pain we have been through at the hands of men with sick minds is not wrong for us to do. Shutting women up on this is totally what Brigham Young would want. We're not going to shut up about it. It isn't man-bashing. It's telling the truth! :)

I totally relate & I’m almost 70. I married a return missionary in the temple, it was an abusive marriage that slowly got worse & worse but I stayed 22 yrs because it was a temple marriage. Then one day the Lord told me” you are teaching your sons to be abusive and your daughters to accept abuse. What I would not do for myself, I did for my kids and got out. So thankful I listened to the voice of the Lord. That was almost 30 years ago now. I think the lds church ( and others) subtlety teaches narcissism to boys & men. It teaches them they have the “ priesthood” which supposedly makes them superior, special, chosen etc. and I agree the attitude towards women by Brigham Young and the rest of the polygamist men in the early church is prevalent today.

@@heatherholmen6639 Good for you getting yourself out of an abusive situation! That takes a lot of bravery!

Who hurt you😂

It's also pretty sad that you can publicly claim you had a "thing" with me without revealing who you are. Do I get to know who I apparently had a "thing" with?

@codeman966 dude, you sound like the kind of person who’s into polygamy which makes you a creep. It’s never too late to turn back to Jesus.

Wow codeman966. That’s sad that you come at Claire anonymously like that. And to think I had a thing with you.

@the.clairity.podcast lol. I got your attention sweetheart

@the.clairity.podcast you act like the church teaches this, but lets it. You just had bad string of boyfriends and fiancée. Admit it. You like to be the center of attention. Especially when you moved from Lehi

Huh? They were friends.

Wow...what sad comment