The Pain of Pornography | Joyce Meyer's Talk It Out Podcast | Episode 113 

As a woman, I have been victim to the pain of pornography by being addicted to it myself. For years, I had thought of it as acceptable or even 'cool' for a woman to be interested in pornography. My mind became corrupted and perverted, and I started seeing people through a twisted lens of perversion. My lusts evolved even into same-sex attraction and further into a very dark, desperate outlook. I became obsessed with lustful desires. As someone who has been very independent most of my life, I found that pornography pushed me even further away from being able to connect with someone in a real relationship. Today, I am still healing. Scars from pornography don't go away easily, and images that I wish I had never seen still haunt me. I was filled with the Holy Spirit a few years ago and have completely removed pornography from my life. He has shown me to build protection and boundaries for myself. The Lord has been renewing my mind with His Word and His loving presence. I pray that if it's His will, He will show me a real partner and a real relationship someday...and I hope that I can help another woman who has had a similar experience...

It is time for Christian to start talking about the hard stuff. I am always blessed when I hear all 3 of you open up your lives with all of us. Thank you

I am divorced am I am happy to be single I am not open to being involved with a man who doesn’t put God first. It is scary to trust

I think we need to keep in mind the spiritual part of this. My husband was bound for so many years, from the time he was young, and 13 years into our marriage. It was so so painful for me, so I really had to seek God. One day when I was completely broken, God set me free from a spirit of jealousy. From that day it was no longer a problem for me! And my freedom, was the start of my husband's freedom! Because I no longer rejected him and was mad at him, but loved him despite his problem, it became much easier for him too! About 4 years passed, and then God set him free from a spirit of idolatry. Since that day he has been completely free, and at the same time his migraine disappeared! So I believe that one must seek God for spiritual freedom 🙏😊 Don't give up 🥰

I've known around 2 years about my husband's issue with this. And it's completely changed how I feel for him. He doesn't understand why it bothers me. I've told him to me it's the same as cheating and I just don't feel beautiful anymore. My parents divorced when I was 19 and I promised myself I would never ever do that to my kids. It comes uo in every argument and I have no one to talk to about this. And you all have literally felt like a friend I needed to talk to and lean on. Thank you.

This is a topic that needs to be talked about. You can't sweep something like this under the rug. Thanks for bringing this subject to life.

You're right. We do need support. Thank God my husband, after 27 years of marriage, and my final confrontation and plea for him to get help, finally did. He's now almost a year sober, and he attends SA meetings and is in counseling. He is also helping his accountability partner/ mentor teach the Conquer series to other men. He has a lot of support. I, on the other hand didn't. Its been a struggle but no other women seem to understand nor want to start a group and mainly out of fear. The church has been no help either. I thank God that he has been there EVERY step of the way and is getting me through this. ❤

I strongly believe this is why so many men struggle to commit in the dating pool. I literally am exhausted dating these shallow men.

I want to say you three are so brave. I commend you all for being so transparent and so vulnerable. I’m my opinion, this is true ministry. Thank you. I sure love you ladies.

Thank you! I believe there are thousands of us in the same situation. There is healing in Jesus. Amen!

I haven't watched porn in over a year and few months and after i stoped i went and still going through spiritual warfare in my mind but let me tell you something the devil got angry at me after i left a lifenof mastabation and porn but we serve a good God i am not going back to egypt God has rescued me and saved me from that life it is a fight every day to be pure but i will fight till the day i die not to go back to that life 🙏🏾

I am 30+ year old female who struggled with pornography for 18 years. In 2020 my deliverance manifested when Father showed me my true identity, the way He sees me - the righteousness of God in Christ. I am still struggling with shame and condemnation. This is a healing journey I walk with Him every day. I wish more Christian platforms would start talking about women who are struggling with pornography. We feel soooo much shame.

I thank God for these amazing ladies for telling their experiences to help others. They are such strong, beautiful ladies. I pray God will continue to bless them every day 🙏 🌹🙏

20 years ago, I found out my husband was addicted to porn. He refused to give it up. The betrayal was so painful. We ended up divorced. Myself and my sons still carry the scars.

Thank you all for speaking on this topic! It is so important to create a safe space to have these discussions and see things through a lens of the love of Christ. I appreciate you all and thank you for your insight, vulnerability and transparency. God bless you all 🙏

Thank you so much for having the courage to speak on this subject. God bless you ladies. You are the real deal!

This was right on time for me 💕 God is So Good & Merciful!!! 💕

Ginger, Jai and Erin you ladies are so brave, I’m so thankful for your vulnerability in sharing your stories, you 3 are a strong bunch! The power of the Lord is papable as you 3 share your struggles, may the Lord bless you and keep you 🙏 even tho I don’t personally know you guys I feel this sense of closeness, like we are friends 😊 God bless you beautiful ladies, I love you in the Lord ❤

😭😭😭😭 Oh God is so good. Ladies. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! For sharing. I needed this. I feel like someone understands. We all have such similar stories. I am still in the healing process and this gives me hope. 😢❤

Went through this for years, the rollercoaster, the counseling, the Christian coundelors blaming me for his addiction, at that point refusing to label it as addiction, husband was angry, aggressive, defiant, I knew God was with me, I knew these people were wrong. I lived in that situation begging God to change things until I was physically ill. God was giving me clear direction the entire time. He knew I needed to remove myself from this situation. I do not think you need to live with someone you cannot trust. This is emotional abuse and it is wrong. Change is hard. We as women wrap our identities in our families forgetting we are God's daughters first. Those situations are not His best for us. He has our hearts and our tears. It is a tough step to shed that old wife identity and step into what God has for us in the coming chapters. But we can have faith and know that God will carry us through. It hasnt been easy. We were made to be loved. Husbands are commanded to love us like Christ loves the church. The marriage ended far more tragically than discussion here permits. But God is merciful. In time I forgave him. That comes and goes, God gives me the ability to forgive. But I had to get away from him completely and stay away. I had to fogive for me. But it is a terrible place. No one deserves this.

I'm a women and addicted to porn it's a daily fight to get images out of my head. Pray for this bandage to leave name of Jesus. Love you all affects women more I think.

27:35 - 29:05 Your testimony of the unique way the Holy Spirit was with you in your pain made me cry! I am so sorry, but also admire the intimacy you experienced. The Holy Spirit's intimacy strengthened you in the struggle with intimacy with your husband. Your story is so painful to hear, but there is such a beauty in how God continues to rescue you.

I am so glad this topic came up on Talk it out. Some months ago I found out my husband was watching this. He kept saying it's the feed that keeps coming up. I didn't believe it. It made me so upset, I was enraged, I was thinking what is wrong with me, my self esteem was crushed. After expressing my hurt on utube on different channels, one person asked to watch the "the war room" movie. I didn't have it on dvd, but I watched clips of it on utube. I immediately prayed over my home the prayers that the woman in the movie prayed not once but many times. I felt like my heart and home was lifted and God cleansed my home. Everyones experience with this issue is different. But the feelings women have are true and ligit. If this prayer doesn't release you and your spouse thinks there is nothing wrong then he or she is very wrong. IT's the same as cheating. Therefore pray this prayer in the movie memorize it and repeat over and over. God will shake up your home and remove this demon poisoning your loved ones. It truly helped me besides prayers of brothers and sisters. Hope this helps someone else.

Wow ladies, thank you for keeping it so real. I remember a day when l had an episode. I sat on a garden chair thinking why me. I cried to a point where l did not know how to stop. And l remember the Holy Spirit picking me up. To this day l now know. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I had to also forgive God. And forgive myself for not seeing everything that was happening for the past 7years. It's still a journey of healing. But l have found God. Through it all, l relate, l can't trust fully. But l trust God. And l hold on to Jeremiah 29:11. His plans for me are to prosper me. So we are doing the work. But l know, with or without hubby God remains faithful.

Forgiveness and TRUST are two entirely different things!! This is a great topic ladies ... definitely needs to be dealt with, & IF your spouse is willing to self-reflect, well now you CAN move forward. But like Ginger said, if you get nothing but defensiveness ... well all I can say is it's GOT to be the conviction FROM the holy Spirit. Period.

Thank you so much for all of your vulnerability! You are helping so many people become of free of this. I am so blessed by this ministry:)

Ladies. Thank you so much for your vulnerability! Your sharing is an encouragement to all of us. God bless you 🙏

Thank you for this discussion on porn. It's so important to see that this is a human being problem and not just a male problem. You ladies have handled this issue with intelligence, integrity and sensitivity.

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate the honesty.

I had to relive finding the porn issue over and over and over, for sixteen years and felt shock, anger, devastation, rage, mortified and all sorts of emotions that it eventually made me question my worth, value, security and who this man is. I felt that everything we were together was a lie. I eventually chose to destroy my marriage and cheat with a man to hurt my ex husband and then filed for divorce. I was tired of trying to forgive him and work on our relationship. I was tired of the church leaders remind my then husband how God loved him and I felt forgotten and was told over and over to forgive him, just love him well. The weird part was we had a good intimate life but I felt that he was taking my forgiveness for granted and didn't care how much I was hurting. He expected me to "get over it" , and just be a good housewife and mother. It's been tough trying to get on my feet and rebuild my life. I still go through immense heartache and know for sure that porn destroys family and what God intended for marriage.

I married my ex Husband in 2021 found out three months into the marriage he was looking at porn and talking to other women and having threesomes . It broke me . But now I'm happy being on my own with Jesus

What a beautiful healing conversation. Thanks ladies for your vulnerability I got so much from this. Love y’all so much!!

I agree with Paula. Don't want to be involved with a man that doesn't put God 1st.

I am a prostitute and this hits me hard. I think it comes down to not feeling valued the men I saw were all confused seeing a transsexual. Being trans is a way to make money. The industry is dying but it still goes on. It’s getting more underground. Pray for the women and men involved in it. It’s getting darker and darker and I’m trying to get out of it.

I absolutely love all these conversations. I've watched so many episodes. You girls are the best. The vulnerability is so transformational for all of us. Thank you, thank you, thank you gorgeous girls.

Being in this kind of stuff it really stop God blessings in our daily lives in this planet, i feel bitter and discomfort at anytime i heard about this, even me am struggling to get heal completely by God Grace, to this point i want to say a big thanks to you beautiful ladies for speaking out not to help your self but i believe it help many. 🙏 @ Mbayas from Nigeria.

This is truley life changing. Thank you girls so much for sharing! God bless you all.

Just a powerful show! Much needed “underground “ topic to bring the light of transparency too. It’s so important to highlight the destructive nature to relationships , as like any secretive addiction, it robs it of true intimacy. Thank you girlfriends for being vulnerable and brave and real. Sorry that you have to deal with the pain and being teachers for how to let the light of God come and heal the wounds. I love you all so much😊

These comments. Who are these people in these comments....clearly you cant convince me you watch joyce meyer and suprised that they decided to talk about this sensitive topic. Good for you that don't feel convicted that is between you and Jesus. But don't come on this video like ya'll are justifying the destruction that porn can cause for many. The pain the woman or man may feel because they can't compare to some freaking actor, shallow minded world we live in. Everyday this world shows how far down it's going. Everything gets a pass now.

Thank you ladies for being vulnerable and open with this sensitive topic. Churches need to start talking about this issue more bc it is destroying lives and marriages

Wow it take God to be in this place with these ladies to share their stories! I have two sons and a husband and I just pray for them

So encouraging,. Thank you beautiful ladies 😊🤗😘💕💕💕

Thank you Ginger And Erin for sharing such personal stories. I pray that you will find complete restoration in your marriage. May God continue to shape your husbands in the body of Christ. May God catch all your tears. Bless your hearts

Well done girls for braving topics that are taboo, what you have done here is powerful and will help so many people ❤

Thanks for sharing y'all..Lord continue to shine on you guys!!

Thank you Joyce for your healing words and verses shared with my today .I needed to hear this to move forward .In Jesus mighty name

With my ex-husband - it wasn't this specific issue, but I was lied to : given a fraudulent picture of what he, and his family, were not, in reality. And he was in school to be a minister, and is in the pulpit today!!! Anyway .... yes, I'm still wounded, years later. To hear other women talking about lies and betrayal - that's MY STORY, TOO so - thank you for sharing!!!

Love this from you ladies , truly.

❤thankyou for talking about this, its such a relief to find a godly perspective on this issue that is often wrapped up in so much shame therefore no one is honestly talking about it, esp. From the wifes perspective

I am in my mid twenties. Am a woman. And am struggling with it. God has delivered me time and time again but i keep going back to it like a dog to its own spit. I know God can set free, i know God can redeem but its still hard. Especially when i think of the life i lost because of it. Because of the descion i made to be involved in it. All i can say is, its not worth it.

So many emotions for both the addict and the betrayed. My soon to be ex-husband turned my trauma into his weapon to further abuse me. He said I abused him because I wasn’t understanding that he didn’t know he was lying. He didn’t know he was deceiving and keep secrets. He thought this is normal behavior for a “man”. He is the victim of his parents, of society, of the porn industry. He even had the audacity to say at least I didn’t rape anyone. He has rewritten everything to make himself the victim and I the perpetrator. I have felt so much disgust and anger toward him. The thought of being married to someone with his mentality and disregard for women in general is immensely humiliating.

I can’t even imagine what u went through I probably had wanted to give up but Jesus brought you through.

Lord Father God, ABBA Father who art in Heaven, BLESS THESE men!!! These husbands!!! BLESS their marriage! Bless their wives! Bless their children! Their children’s children! Bless EVERY AREA of their life!!! In Jesus’s Holy and faithful name!!! You both husbands are BLESSED!!!

Good conversation i watched michael todd as well this conversation should be had with our spouses family members and our children.. Thanks for the honesty..🙏🏽

The porn, i believe, gives an unrealistic idea of what sex should be like. The worst part when i discovered my mate was hiding his addiction to porn, was the betrayal of his big secret. He admitted it, then blamed me, then minimized watching porn, got defensive, and so on. He says hes stopped watching, yet i do not believe him. I forgive him, but it doesn't leave my mind. Does that mean i haven't forgiven? He was lusting for other women, period. Im stuck!

Gosh, where was this video a few years ago. I so badly needed someone to come beside me and help me through my husband's addiction. I wonder how many women in the church are going through this alone? Ladies reach out to your friends and if someone shares their story and pain please please please don't just pray for the woman and be done, CHECK ON THEM

You are opening up for many women to work on there issues.

As a woman I have struggled my whole adult life. It’s so painful

thank you so much

Thank you

Thank you, ladies for letting the Holy Spirit lead you into sharing these vulnerable and precious stories. Each one of you are a gift and I have been so immensely blessed by this podcast. 🤍

And also the shame that you feel after you have truly repented the devil will use this against you until you have to believe in your mind that God doesn't hold it against you 🙏🏾

Y'all are so brave girls!!!! You are open I g

Been dealing with this for about 10years with my husband he has not touched me for 8 years. pray for me please. I am typing from my work computer my name is Angie.

I'm just starting to watch this, Erin has shared a bit with the public before and I am praying for her and her marriage hoping her husband publicly came out sharing this 1st and not this being a part of Erin's healing to be public but his testimony (not conditional as part of penance). I know this sounds horrible & I haven't watched yet but forgiveness also means not making the other person having to continually pay. I will delete this if inappropriate. Blessings to all 🙏.

Stay strong you all I’m praying for you

Just found out my worst nightmare literally days after listening to this podcast. I need God right now to help me through this it feels impossible 😢 I trust God completely but this is so raw! 🙏

Ladies Thank you for being open and transparent while addressing the pain of pornography. You have given me some valuable tools to address this topic.

Women and men are struggling with this.

I just got caught by my wife having inappropriate conversations with multiple women on Facebook. I knew it was sinful but couldn't stop because of the need to fill the hole in my soul. I don't know what the future holds for our marriage. I immediately deactivated my Facebook profile and am praying for amplification of my compassion and empathy to comfort my best friend. I have once again deeply hurt her.

2 Timonthy 2:13 really just anchors this segment! Bravery to all!

I can’t even imagine what you went through Eren

My sisters ex husband got “caught” with porn, and she felt so betrayed they ended up getting divorced years later and it was always brought up in every argument

Believing for a Breakthrough .Reviving the Devil .I'll never give up I trust God

That stronghold is hard, however in my opinion it's NOT a means to divorce. Porn changes the brain over time and it could be helped/healed. Once again... it's tough to deal with, but the person trying to overcome it...its harder.

Thank you ladies...you all and this podcast never disappoints me...and always seems to be the subject I need to hear in that moment I need it most...mine was not pornography sith my ex-husband, but I felt other betrayal.....I thank you all so much...Many blessings to all of you

I think there needs to be someone, even a women, on there who is a former addict to this. It’s not just men who struggle with this. Women aren’t always victims.

I am a 20 year old lad who's been struggling with this for years, I'm going through counseling, that process of cleaning up myself and it's hard, it's uncertain, nobody to talk to about this I mean it's not like I could just blurt it out to my brethren at church I can only imagine the sense of betrayal and shame, man I already feel betrayed by myself on so many levels, it's just so.... You know it's an addiction, it's not so easy to get to that point of actually stopping I've been wanting to stop for years it just felt like having to watch your life fall apart from a third perspective and you couldn't do anything about it and to have to live your life feeling like a fraud in everything you do, all that frustration, anger and hatred and I didn't know what to do with it, couldn't even hate myself because how am I gonna get through this if I let it get to that point, well it's working now things are falling into place, well there's the occasional fear that maybe it's not gonna be enough like I'll just fall back to it but I can only pray and keep on going, trust God with what he has planned for me.

Great conversation and one that is needed, however, how did they get there? Would you feel betrayed if an alcoholic was given alcohol as a 12 yr old and was constantly encouraged to drink and years later became an alcoholic? Maybe its an additional conversation? 🙏

Do you have a hard copy of the study course that i can present and share with my Husband?

Thank you for talking about this. It's an epidemic and r churches, leaders need to address what the word has to say about this. Every church should have a group for men and women. So vital. R church could take opportunity to be the hospital as long as the leader is not living in hiding with this sexual addition. God help us talk about it

Amen

When I caught my ex husband watching Porn I was so devastated , then I said as long as his not cheating on me i guess its okay, but I was wrong it opened the door for the enemy to use him he ended up cheating on me with the neighbor and even with guys and I couldnt belive the man that I loved would do this he was not like that.. so seeing the comments how their justifying it.. I understand we need to forgive and have grace which I did I feel empathy now but If I would of confronted him initially and gotten help maybe he wouldnt of got to that point now he does drugs and is soo lost

All things work together for good. The equals the good, the bad, the ugly and the not so pretty. And when the Lord takes all of it and you're broken vessel, he rebuilds it, which allows you to tell your story in its endirty MY STORY for HIS GLORY.!!❤ And it's that simple and I'm sharing my story. People are brought to the Lord. Lives are changed and chains are broken.

It makes me not to trust men. I'm so scared to get into another relationship

This is a very volatile subject matter as I gather reading the comments. Those that are watching pornography are not going to stop watching without it damaging them to that point that starts affecting them negatively. Denial is prevalent with porn. It's satan's key to winning our souls. He enters through the gate that's easiest to open; and sadly; pornography makes it easy.

P÷rn wrecks relationships. It's like a smoker has to rid their addiction, but the non smoker is left with the pain of cancer to heal. 😢

Forgiveness does not equal trust. A man or woman who acts out through pornography, must instill trust back into the relationship by bringing the issue up him or herself through initiating conversation about what they have done, how it has affected the betrayed, to show the betrayed that they are taking responsibility for the trauma of the relationship and to hold him/herself accountable. It's not enough to express forgiveness and put it behind and count it as 'in the past.' The reason that the betrayer in the relationship must initiate conversation about it is because the situation caused the betrayed grief. Grief never goes away, as it is stored in the memory of neurological pathways forever. Only time with trust can reduce the suffering. Until the feelings of pain subside, which can take years, trust can only be come greater than the pain of betrayal when the betrayer proves through continued recognition of the grief caused that they are taking full responsibility for the wrong they have done.

Hello Peter

Do you have councilors you can recommend, or bible study for couples to do together.

Everyone should watch Matt Fradd and Dennis Prager discuss pornography. It is a Christian vs a Jewish viewpoint. Madd Fradd does an excellent job explaining why it is harmful.

Pornography has ruined and alienated my marriage. Although we are still married on paper the spousal relationship has been non-existent for many, many years. His refusal to accept my refusal to participate with him not only in viewing but actually in acting out this perversion has been a cancer over almost 36 years.

What happens when your husband denies it? Years ago I saw some on his phone and he would say other people at work picked up his phone. Now 10 years into our marriage I saw a gallery type pick of pornography but again my husband denies that he looked at it. He grabbed his phone and deleted the picture and I saw him looking like he was deleting more. I feel so angry and unloved. How can I go on in this marriage when he won't even admit to what he's done? I'm at the point where I'm ready to walk away.

29:39 / 47:46 / 48:26

I grew up being taught that it was normal for men to watch porn. And my first husband was obsessed with it and that made me feel unworthy of his or anyone elses love.

God's in the business of breaking generational curses two! I should😊

...though I don't want to diminish you girls from the pain of pornography... an affair with a real human is over the top incredible pain. My heart goes out to Jae (spelling?). My husband had issues with porn early on in our relationship and though hurtful, His leaving 23 years later due to an affair (possibly mulitiple ones)... just no comparison.

I've always felt attracted to women but because I love God and know it's wrong I've always chosen not to live that lifestyle. I have zero desire to actually physically be with a woman but I have a weird temptation to want to look at videos of women. I need prayer for this! I am praying for this myself and cast it out in Jesus name but I believe it's attached to being abused and assaulted as a child and I need God to help me and remove the firey darts of lies from the enemy that is still in my belief system that I don't realize is still there. Thank you for talking about this!

stayed 20 years with an addict…fasted and prayed…godly men and women fasted, prayed discipled, loved….he would claim he was free only to be exposed the following day….pornography progresses…at first pics and videos…later live chat…then live video…with women…then men…it grows like cancer…i left…questioning if i did the right thing sometimes…he is still bound…i forgive the physical abuse …and the extramarital affairs because i pursue Christ…he did not love me…he loved lies and perversion….he did not reject me or sin against me…he rejected God and sinned against God

What up Peter