The Struggles of Modern Dating for a Shy Romantic 

The world is shifting beneath our feet. Love is dying. The landscape of relationships, not just between men and women, have undeniably shifted, with modern technology and social changes redefining how people connect. The longing for a deep, lasting love and a stable family life is still as real as it has always been for thousands of years, even if it feels harder to find. To a beautiful young woman such as yourself seeking that old-fashioned love, I would say this: True love still exists, even in an age where it seems rare. The qualities that make for a lasting, meaningful relationship; loyalty, trust, and a shared vision for life are timeless. These values are not bound by trends or fleeting cultural shifts. What matters most is focusing on what you truly value and remaining authentic to that vision. There are people, men included, who yearn for the same deep connection and meaningful partnership, but the journey might take patience, courage, and an open heart. Don’t let the noise of modern dating culture drown out the possibility of REAL love. While it may seem that many are caught up in shallow connections, the core of human longing for companionship, intimacy, and family remains unchanged. While it’s easy to feel cynical, I encourage you to hold onto hope and trust that authentic love comes when you least expect it, even if it's not wrapped in the package you expected. Be open to the unexpected, be brave and continue to put yourself out there. Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled and surround yourself with people who lift you up. Love has a way of finding us when we are truly at peace with ourselves and when we're committed to creating a meaningful life, with or without a partner. Remember that you are worthy of love, and it's not about perfection. It's about finding someone who complements your journey and is willing to walk beside you, through thick and thin. It might take time, but that doesn't make it impossible. The greatest love often comes when we least expect iy but when we're most ready to embrace it.

"Dating feels worse than a job interview" So true! And you don't even get paid!

It may help to look at this from the guy's perspective. You don't flirt, you don't show physical affection, and you want to spend an indeterminate amount of time as basically just friends. A guy will read this as "she's just not in to me," or as being immediately put in the friend zone; the good ones will stop pursuing you either out of respect for you or themselves. That said, you do flirt in your own way (we're all human). Flirting is just how two people gauge mutual interest. It can look vastly different depending on the individuals and circumstances. If you are interested in someone you need to communicate that somehow and it needs to be on a regular basis. Ditch the idea that you don't flirt and learn to recognize when and how you flirt (and also what you're feeling in the moment considering the negative connotation you have of it). This is coming from a good place, though I'm not sure it will be well received. Anyways, best of luck out there!

Next time I smile at a woman and she turns away I'm just going to tell myself she's probably shy. Instead of I must be hideous 😂

I relate to this way too hard... Growing up, I really wanted to find a woman and have just a normal relationship - in love, facing life together as a team and just living a happy, normal life but it feels like the older I get, the less other people seem to want that... It feels like everyone today wants immediate gratification, relationships based on financial contributions and as little attachment as possible... It's refreshing to know there are still classic romantics out there...

I'm a 43 year old man, and I was married to an amazing woman for 14 years and we had dated for 5 before that, a total togetherness of 19 years. She passed away due to cancer about a year and a half ago and I have been alone ever since. Seeing the way that men and women are nowadays, I don't even want to look again, I would rather stay solo. The dating market and peoples' values have gone out the window and it's really sad. However, you should definitely keep your head up and stay positive though, there is someone out there for you and it may take time to find them, but even in this cruel uncaring world, there is someone out there with similar values, hopes, and dreams to yours and when it's meant to be, your paths will cross, and it will truly be the most amazing thing you will ever experience. Good luck

Don't not be "flirty" on your first date. You don't have to be the most bubbly sunshine whatever, but you have to make sure he knows you see him as more than a friend. If you don't want to be "flirty" you have to give him something. Hell even if you deadpan say "I am enjoying this and I like you" he would take it. There is nothing more painful than trying to impress a girl and having them only see you platonically. If a guy sees that he's going to move on.

I love your video Myra. I'm a guy in exactly the same situation as yourself and it feels so isolating and lonely in this world that values vanity and glorifies hookup culture. The dating world is broken and there seems to be a massive divide between men and women unless it's just for hookups, which im not a fan of either. It's so refreshing to see that there are decent girls out there like you, it truly brings me hope. People like you are rare nowadays and are exactly what this world needs. There are guys out there who will value you for who you are, and I know that for a fact because I'm one of those kinds of guys. Look after yourself and you will find the one. Wishing you all the best Myra.

For fellow shy/introverted people, I'd recommend trying to find connections through groups that focus on shared interests and/or values instead of through dating apps, blind dates, dating games, etc. I am an extreme introvert and am very shy as well. Not only that, but I have very nerdy interests and my faith is a priority. I've found that most nerds tend to make fun of religion, and most religious people seem to stay away from nerdy/geeky hobbies. So finding a woman who was a good match for me felt impossible. I've always struggled with dating apps and always found them to be more frustrating and harmful than actually beneficial. After enough attempts, I finally gave up. Shortly after, I met my now girlfriend through an online group that focuses on members of our faith who like the same nerdy interests. She fits me like a glove and our relationship is wonderful. We have also been talking about steps we need to take in order to get married.

Wowowow!! I have gotten quite the response!! I really, truly value your imput and perspective. I'm asking you to share. So many times in the past your comments have helped me change my mind and impact my worldview. I feel so lucky to have access to so many people and get to pick your brains! These videos and these discussions help us all to understand people and the world so much better.

Based on the descriptions, you may want to search for & join a local group or club that falls into something fun and artsy. Cooking group, dance lessons group, adults painting class, book clubs. Attend the group with a friend if you feel anxious. Recurring and frequent meeting is absolutely key for building rapport and birthing new relationships through things such as shared goals, challenges, and learning experiences. In my opinion these kinds of activities help naturally spring people into a slow-grow position rather than the modern “meet & sleep” from a dating app. You’re not alone. I agree that it feels hard to dig through the foam in the current dating market when you have standards and preferences which don’t match the mainstream.

I am shy as a guy but I would have definitely approached you especially that you can be that honest as I have been watching you since your first video. You still have courage that most of us don't to admit your deepest wants as concisely as this.

I definitely resonate with what you're saying I think from my perspective we live in a culture to entrenched in instant gratification and getting things now. The idea that we've lost all vision about the beauty of slow or gradual connection is sadly lost on most people. Yet there is afew of us out there that yearn for that type of connection. Hopefully everyone can find that one day!

I’m at home. At home; watching RU-vid; making the same dinner for myself, that I make every night; then going to work in the morning; working until 7pm; going back home; watching RU-vid; making dinner; going to work in the morning; getting home at 8pm; making dinner; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; work; eat; sleep; weekend bike ride; getting chores done; mowing the yard; fixing things around the house; cleaning the house; doing laundry; eating; sleeping; working; going to one social event a month with the 2 or 3 former coworkers I can *sometimes get to show up; eating; sleeping; working; eating; sleeping; working; learning more about how to start the business I want to start; eating; sleeping; working… You’re never gonna “stumble upon” me. So if you see me, interact. Otherwise, you won’t be listed in the things going on in my life.

RU-vid recommended me this video , didnt know why but then i remember watching you a good couple of years ago talking about having no friends (which is my situation due to asperger) and felt the same. Good to see you have now some girlfriends next to you. Dont feel bad about not having a couple now, you are a EXTRAORDINARY person i have no doubts. You are not alone feeling the same.

I love the gradual onset of twilight and night as this video progresses.

Myra needs to be protected at all costs! She's such a pure heart! 💙

Hello from Switzerland Myra! I waged the same shyness/anxiety battle (as a man; in early 20s my vision would get blurred just seeing my crush), and simply never gave up. And this perseverance really works, I promise. It is very slow (took me many years), and very uncomfortable. But even the bad and uncomfortable experience makes you improve in the long run. The stronger the discomfort, the more I focused in my head on why I keep trying, what my goals in life are, and that they are worth pushing through. Specific thing that helped me a lot - dancing and sports clubs, where I meet the same people (girls) regularly and thus get to build real friendships with them. There's so many (very attractive) men wanting the same in life and love as you (I think many of them are not on dating apps though). The better you get with the anxiety, the more opportunities you'll keep having in life meeting them :) I really wish you the best, as hard as I can wish.

That "perfect match" you describe, you best believe that each partner in the "perfect" relationship worked their ass off and made tremendous sacrifices for each other. In relationships, perfection requires work, lots of it....but well worth it. Also, there's shyness and there's paralyzing fear, not the same.

This is like an alien doing an investigation into human relationships. I love it.

American culture is pretty rough, especially the Midwest, I feel you. I’m from Montana and moved out East because I needed more culture. If they are the ONE, then you most likely will be friends with them first. That’s how me and my wife were. Just friends and I had no idea or intentions of dating her, I just genuinely fell in love with her as a person and friend, it was only till we confessed our love for each other did we start our romantic relationship. Marrying your best friend is key!

I get what you're saying about flirting. But it can be done in a genuine way. Like giving compliments, saying you're having a good time. That is a form of genuine flirting.

Courage is not the absence of fear but to do things regardless of fear. It's natural for us to be shy. Confidence is a skill that I would say everyone need to work on to improve our life and interaction between on another. Myra I pray that you will gain more confidence each day and you will no longer be afraid rejection from men. God bless.

My problem is that I am shy but that I dont think too highly of myself so I wind up not approaching people that I find attractive. I think that I overthink it instead of just taking chances.

As an autistic man, I relate so hard to "not knowing what the other person expects." The one real time I ever had reciprocated feelings for someone, they eventually lost interest, and said it was because I made it seem like I just wanted to stay platonic friends. Despite me telling them I have feelings for them lol. Like, how do I hang out "romantically," ignoring the obvious things like physical intimacy?

Many of us Men tryied the slow thoughtful path with your fellow sitters and we either got rage screemed at for not being proactive enough or locked permanently in the friend zone .

Thank you for this. You remind me that I'm not alone in the struggle. I've been trying so hard to put myself out there with dating. People just seem impatient and rushed and I simply can't make out with someone on the first date or be bubbly and flirtatious. I have had to become accepting of myself because I can't change to please others. Even if it means I'll end up alone at least I am honoring my own values and boundaries.

I feel that man you met in the gas station was also shy and when you turned away he might taught that you were not interested about him. But I also feel that life is a lot and full of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of events.

I'm the male version of you. Literally. It's almost as if I was watching myself talk. Don't give up! And.. I know.. Easier said than done.

Wow, girl, where do I start? This video showed up in my recommendations last night, and it resonated with me on so many levels. Every word you said stirred something within me. Today, I spent the whole day watching videos on your channel while working. There’s so much I have to say. Let's say I came into this world with a perspective on love very similar to yours. I say I came with it because I remember myself at a very young age, 6 years old, in first grade, looking at the girls and “searching for her,” if you know what I mean. My entire life and much of what I’ve done or haven’t done has largely revolved around the idea of being ready when she appears. In recent years, however, my hope has almost vanished. Many circumstances, including my personal history, the current state of the relationship landscape, women, the world, myself... many things have made me lose faith more and more in finding that person. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my heart become bitter, and although I try to avoid that, I have lost my hope, or at least I’ve shifted the focus of my attention to other things. I’ve always told myself: if I can’t find an adequate partner, I’m not going to participate in hook-up culture either; I’d rather opt for celibacy. And that’s what I’ve done so far. I broke with my last girlfriend three years ago, I believed she was the one. Before that my faith went downhill like never before. You know, perhaps the most important paradigm shift in these past few years is that I’ve changed my definition of the "perfect partner" based on idealizations... I think, before anything else, one need to have a well-defined purpose and start working on it. The perfect partner is the one who aligns with that vision, who understands it, and who moves in the same direction as you. That might be more important than anything else. At least that’s my theory. I have many theories, the craziest ones, for example: what if romanticism is a mental illness that some of us are born with? And what if the human race is evolving to no longer need relationships as we knew them and we, the romantics, just stop evolving? Or what if the whole world is devolving, and we're the only ones who aren't? In any case, listen to you shook me deeply because I have felt exactly what you describe. That feeling you describe of looking at the big picture and thinking, "It’s highly likely that I’ll die and never find the love of my life," haunts me frequently. I don’t know if it’s normal for a man to feel the way I do... I guess I was born with a much more developed feminine side than usual. Although I still like typically masculine things... I often struggle to fit in with groups of other men because of this romantic side of mine that no one understands. At 36, my focus has changed a lot, but this burning desire to have a deep lifelong connection with someone hasn’t completely left me. The most curious thing is that last night, when I found your video, I was just seriously thinking about this, and how depression has affected me by giving up all hope, and how maybe I should start believing again and not stop searching, because I have to admit, it’s a very central part of my existence and what I feel I’m here to do. Greetings from Colombia.

Fun fact : I am French and I feel related to everything you have said in this video... To a point that it is almost embarrassing. We exist, thank you.

Myra rollerskating: taking me back to the 90s girl. Take care of yourself💗

I'm waiting for a beautiful, pure, slow love too..I thank you from the bottom of my heart Myra! Take good care and you deserve someone who will love you to pieces.

I think, in some respects, it is easier for women. But I think also that as far as dating is concerned, there are two schools of thought. There is the aggressive approach and there is the cautious approach and I think that for introverts, the cautious approach is usually the favoured approach. As an introvert, I think it is easier for women because, in the interests of avoiding weird scenarios where intentions and words are misread, I tend to leave it up to the woman which is often misread as indifference. Of course, the reverse side to that is, the aggressive guys are not always the good guys and they cop a feel or worse. Still, I'd rather be lonely than subject some girl to a situation we'd both rather avoid. May you find your someone, Myra! May we all find our someones!

Myra, you've got to remember you can't hurry love, you just have to wait, love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take ...

From a "former" very shy guy's perspective I'd say it's even worse for shy guys/men. We cannot even expect at all to wait for her, since it's not in our culture for her to chase us down - we either change at some point or need to accept that we maybe end up alone. We get to hear that we aren't "manly enough" and that no woman wants a man like that. Then I'm dating now at 33, finally gotten more confidence - but I still feel that personality-wise - I'm not what most women want. Women WANT men to be more sexual with them sooner and to "be a real man"... One without being allowed to display weakness at all and must be strong and powerful at all times. I also do understand that men want sexual intimacy sooner and it's a way for us to feel validated and wanted - I am a little against this "don't want to be viewed sexually" - because you ARE viewed sexually; that's how men works and a reason for us to pursue you is indeed the want for sex; but that's not everything we see in you and yes you shouldn't give it away too soon. I would happily date a woman like you, that appreciates a man with purer, kinder personality traits - and I am glad that they are out there somewhere at least.

Hey, Myra. I'd like to let you know your videos are really sweet. I'm very fond of them. Thanks for giving us hope romantic women like you exist. I as a man relate a lot to what you're looking for in a relationship, and I wish this finds hope in your heart as well. I think the movie "500 Days of Summer" might be really helpful for you in this situation, since it showcases "hopeless romance" from a male perspective (since you look somewhat interested in understanding men), but it's very good for women too.

Most people are compatible with most people if the situation is desperate enough. The problem is that life is too easy, survival is too certain, and time is not short. At least, that’s our perception. That’s why no one is getting together. It’s just not that important to survival at the moment. It will be in the future. But all of the young people aren’t thinking that far ahead. Women are picky because they can afford to be. Men aren’t trying because they don’t have to. If you take away the safe world we live in, things will change. We are rats in a cage more than we think.

Dont think less of yourself, think about yourself less ;) I get your points. The thing is, if you dont signal the guy, that you want to continue seeing him and want to explore further, most men stop interacting, because its just a waste of time and money.

myra stay the way you are, i m straight, and normal people want what you want. what you said, this is what normal men and woman want!

Love you Myra. I'm 29 and I got engaged earlier this year to "the man" I met at 27. If it matters, I met him on the apps after tons and tons of ding dongs. You're awesome. Keep living the life and going after what you want.

I met the perfect match in the 9th grade- love at first sight. Married at 19. 33 years married . Other couples used to tell us how jealous they were of our relationship. She was truly an amazing woman and I was her amazing man. Cancer took her from me 6 months ago and everything flipped upside down. The only good thing I can say is that I truly had a one in a billion woman that most men could only dream of having.

I love your comment about France. I am French, met my American wife in the Mid West (Chicago), we had one in a billion chance to meet, at a party where she was not supposed to be. And yes, we kissed less than an hour after we met... But it was very romantic. Life is strange sometimes. There is a good chance you will meet the right person when you least expect it.

You've got a lot of comments, so not sure of you'll see this, but I just want to give a little reassurance. It feels like you're describing my experience to a tee, except with the sexes reversed. I'm an introverted man who's a hopeless romantic, always searching for the one, wants to move slowly, and would rather just talk openly rather than put on the whole "fun and flirty" mask. I totally get how it can feel like all men are the same, and even to sometimes feel hopeless and bitter - honestly, I often feel like all women want to just date casually, are polyamorous, shallow, selfish, etc, which is obviously not true. And thank you for acknowledging your generalizations, even amidst the big feelings. I promise you, the kind of man you're dreaming of does exist. We're out here, and feeling just as jaded and sick of dating culture as you are! But true romantics, and people who take the idea of partnership seriously, who can communicate well, are sadly pretty rare. And get rarer, the older we get... Oops, I said I was trying to reassure you, didn't I?

I turned 21 a month ago and have never been in a long term relationship. I have tried apps a couple of times, and have gotten some dates from it, but I agree about finding "the one". Something that has been growing increasingly common is the idea of an open relationship, and I have really never understood the appeal. I am looking for a life partner, and if you want to see other guys while dating me that is just not going to fly. I find it crazy that someone as beautiful as you with such an infectious personality struggles in the dating world, but that is just the reality of how things go today. It is hard to find someone that wants the same thing as you, especially on dating apps where hookup culture is so prominent. I really wish you the best of luck out there, because I feel like I am in a very similar situation to you and I can sympathize with you to an extent!

Keeping your authenticity and intentions where you need them will mean they will be reciprocated by worthy individuals. Fighting through the mire, the hordes, while daunting and tiresomely insane, will yield your rewards. Thank you for sharing your personal struggles many of us experience in relative silence.

Don't be too tough on yourself or your situation. It's difficult for a lot of us out there. It can be really frustrating for shy people. And I agree with you. Kissing on the first date is weird unless I've known the girl for a long time beforehand as friends and even then it's usually a no for me. Same with flirting. It feels disingenuous and fake if it's someone you just met.

I've been getting videos like this, and I'm convinced that the algorithm is just reading my mind at this point.

I relate to what you are saying about flirting feeling fake and the lack of authenticity. Some of what are you talk about reminds me of the book "The Art of Seduction"; the whole book basically gives historical examples with how flirting and seduction are used to gain power over others, with the author even referring to the seduced as "Victims". While the book talks a lot about Power dynamics and methods of deception, it is interesting how the other breaks down different types of seducers into categories, you may learn something about yourself or you may understand why you find certain types of people alluring, but maybe not good partners in the long run. Part of the problem I have is as a shy person is putting myself in new situations, and anxiety either prevents me from making steps, or makes it that much harder. This makes me more prone to craving connection and can lead to what you were saying about accepting breadcrumbs. My only advice here and to myself is to try to do something outside of your comfort zone at least once a day. Know what you need out of relationship and accept no less. It may take some time to meet your person, but that's better than accepting something that isn't right for you long term. I'm wishing the best for you, myself and everyone who relates to this video.

Met my wife online more than 20 years ago. Living in different countries, now we are married with 2 kids. Because we were physically separated, we had to take it slow and communicate over a period of time. Taking it slow, not everyone is willing to do that, wether online or IRL. I don't know what people would do today, but I wouldn't marry most people, its too terrifying

I am trying to absorb all the information from this video, and I am hoping that it will help me in my own life. I think you did have a breakthrough at the 24-minute mark. I can report that my older brother found his wife at age 55. He never gave up. He had ended a 10 year relationship from age 40 to age 50 . He has been happily married for 15 years. I have total confidence that you will find him. I love that moment when you said there has to be match out there somewhere. Thank you, Myra, for trying to help me and everyone else. This video gives me a lot to think about.

Flirting is part of the game. How will a man know youre interested in them back if you dont give them basic flirtatious feedback? And no this doesnt mean always sexual in nature. The same way you want positive feedback from someone youre romantically interested in, they look for the same. And not every man is only into only sexual lenses. If you want some super wholesome romance novel type love where sexuality only comes into play at the perfect fairytale moment, you will be searching for a while. Especially from your generation.

Maybe I not an "average dude", but I just enjoy good, fun company from another gal. A genuine exchange of significant interests, acknowledgement of bids for connection, and showing-up loving encouraging care when sharing from deep down. Initial physical attraction does play a role for me. On the other hand sex is definitely not out of the conversation, but for me that comes after regarding someone among the best of my friends. A great resource "to understand men" (myself I guess?) and the ecosystem of relational dynamics that completes the compliment with women is *Alison Armstrong.* Go check out her videos! You're not alone in these wants. Not by a long shot. Nor am I. Keep it rollin!

I feel like you and I have a lot in common. Sitting and over analyzing and over thinking why dating never really evolves into a real and meaningful relationship. I always feel like women are expecting a man who's fun and exciting. I'm also shy and more reserved, so I feel like that quality isn't immediately apparent in myself. Some of my favorite dates have been the ones where the other person and I can just sit and talk for long periods of time and really get to know each other. Dating is definitely when you're shy, reserved and more of a romantic. Especially when you have a very specific idea of what you want your relationship to be like, or the type of person you'd like to date. It just closes that gate a little more. You're very charming, and I really hope someone realizes your worth. You really deserve it.

What you are saying sent shivers down my spine. As long as I've been alive, I've always wanted to get married. And everything in life is good except for dating. Like what honestly scares me is that I will lose my heart in the search for a woman because of what I am told by friends and what I see and hear from dating coaches here on RU-vid. I didn't think there was anyone out there who felt similar to how I did about love. My name is Jase. I'm 41 and also from the Midwest. I'm not shy, though😂

After listening to everything you've said, It sounds like you need a friend that you end up falling in love with.

A very good video. Raw. Honest. Natural. And you are asking the right questions. You are definitely very romantic. But you're not asking for too much. You're asking for the right things you should have and get. Your words are like a magic spell that will attract the O N E . Many subscribers will relate and cry out loudly "it's me, it's me..." - But that, of course is a misunderstanding and not the purpose of this video. Next Sunday I will go on a walking tour with a group of French people living around here. If you like the French, Myra, and can't go to France right now, maybe you might find some French people in the Midwest, too. Might be fun. Could be nice. Best wishes from Europe and all the best to you.

As a man that watched it all I will say this: "Take care of the garden, instead of chasing the butterfly"

I'm 37, and still a virgin. I have been in love 3 times, and only briefly dated one of them long distance. I cannot comprehend being that vulnerable with relative strangers. I was raised Christian, and still am, which I'm sure influenced my views on sex and marriage. But beliefs aside, my heart can only entertain one at a time, and there's years in-between where it's painfully lonely. Even so, I've never wanted to be intimate with someone that I wasn't in love with. Like, to the point where I get really uncomfortable when women touch me or sand near me. Even shaking hands is s slight dread. At this point, I'm unsure if I'll ever find someone, but I'm willing to wait incase I do. Because if I give it away now, what was the point of hanging onto it for the last 37 years. I'm "kinda basic" looking, which I'm given to understand isn't what most women are looking for, but the up-side is I've had some time to thing about life, love, and what I think is actually important. I prefer the Biblical definitions and parameters for love; partly I'm sure because that's what I was taught, but also because they're actually defined. And unlike modern concepts of love, they hold up to the rigors of actual relationships, not so the wishful fictitious portrayals of love in modern media. Love is patient, kind, slow to anger, long suffering and sacrificial. THAT is love. Yes I know that's 3 different ways of saying patient, that's because it's proportionally that important. If you add romance on-top that's fine, but it's more like icing. If you only get icing it makes you nauseas after a while, so you need that dense moist cake layer, otherwise it doesn't work. What's hard for some people to understand, is that you have to return love, in at least equal measure. Both parties have to pour into each other, and fill up the other person's life bar, otherwise it will fail. There's a lot of selfish people out there these days, that are totally willing to absorb all your love, but not feed you back, and it's disgusting to me. It's like buying a car to drive but never changing the oil/fluids. Yea... it'll run for a bit, but what the hell are you trying to prove? That's why it's so important to take note of the indications of investment from the other person when dating. If you're texting him books, but only getting a few words back, dial it back to see if they show interest, and if they don't then they're probably not interested, and therefore not worth the investment of time and energy. Something to consider for yourself is which qualities are requirements, and which are preferences, and how strong each preference is. Because the more requirement filters you place on any given search the fewer the results returned will be. And just to give you an example of what I'm talking about, men with this personality type you're looking for account for ~0.9% of the population. Multiply that by .15 because the single men in your age range (generously guessing) is 15%. That's 2 filters, and we're down to .135% of the population approximately statistically. Now, that's still 450k men in the US, BUT we haven't even filtered for height, looks, education level, financial stability, smoking, does he have kids, does he want kids, etc. I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm saying this because I genuinely want you to find someone that will make you happy. But IF that guy happens to be a "kinda basic" mid-westerner that lives an un-exciting life, but he has exactly the personality and interests you want... would it be enough for you? Standards are a good thing to have, but if you have too many or too strict of standards, then no one will be able to live up to them. Speaking as a man, none of us are perfect. So if you're looking for perfection, you won't find us. The other half of the problem, is even if you do find him, what if you're not what he wants? As we all know not all love is reciprocated. The first girl I was in love with could have been the one, but she wasn't interested in me, so... here we are.

Myra you give me hope that there still is good in this world full of sin, hate, war. I’m always glad to see your videos when I sometimes lose hope if there truly is good in people’s hearts. Which I agree in everything you said. People nowadays don’t appreciate or value other people, time, effort, love especially, & especially attributes & virtues. It’s about what someone can receive & have to show off in social media. Rather it be materialistic, physical, or partner wise. Lastly, I also appreciate taking things slow. It shows effort, someone is actually taking their time in getting to know me, as much as I would like to get to know them. But, for some people they can take things quick & they will last, but it’s rare to see & find. It’s good to be alone to find out who you are & what you like/dislike, but also good to have that one person, even if that’s the ONLY person you will ever interact & socialize, fills in the gap in your life, helps, jokes & annoys you, also, relate with & what not. Which I’m the same as you on the end, I can’t do kiss on the first day or date (anxiety), btw, I’m a guy… But holding hands, arm around shoulder or maybe a hug is good & far I will go. Later, will be the more intimate stuff which makes it more special because of the effort. It’s hard on both sides rather or not someone is genuinely into you. One is difficult than the other, when a guy wants something, they will show it in an instant because they want to have it at that very second & quickly leave.

The foundation for relationships is no longer, it used to be basic survival needs. Placing love at the forefront is understandable, but, love alone is insufficient in most cases. In the past, your fear of hunger would've taken over the fear of men. You, we are still wired for relationships, but, today's modern world has no need for it. Welcome to humanity's victory.

I really think you will meet your guy just not yet.. it is good for a girl to be shy just like you and you have a right mindset. Good luck!

I just watched this video and the short one you posted recently and i must say that im impressed. impressed to see how genuine and pure you are. im 19 and im realizing that the more i live this “life” the more i distance myself from what ive always also wanted: find true love, only one, no need for more. i know our age gap it’s different but it feels nice to see someone of the opposite gender that also pursues a real genuine connection with someone. the more we live, feels like the more we lose hope in love. its good that you’re so optimistic, sometimes i just wonder how are we gonna find that person, under what circumstances? because it feels like every circumstance is the same, well, most of the times. anyways, hope you find what you’re looking for because you deserve it and lucky the guy that ends up with you, i only hope he treats you the right way :)

I agree with you on so much Myra!

Based on a few videos I have watched about your sharing about men and dating, I believe there is a beautiful person inside of you, Myra, for the respectable gentleman to discover. I am shy too. It is not easy dating. Be sensual when you feel ready to be sensual with the person you feel comfortable and safe with. We cannot allow others to force sensuality readiness on us. I do not think that is a real phrase,but I will stick with it. Inviting someone into our home is a vulnerable intimate thing. Inviting someone into our bedroom is a very vulnerable and intimate thing. The same can be said about our personal space. You are right; each couple has their ways of what makes their relationship work. I understand and admire how you want to have long interesting conversations, take hikes or roller blade, go bowling, attend a concert, or even enjoy a movie together for the sake of enjoying time together without the physical expectations of men. You are not the only one to share such stories about men on dates wanting to "get physical" on the first date. Scary indeed. As some have pointed out, be yourself. If a guy does not value or respect that, then that is his loss, not yours, Myra. He does not deserve you. Maybe some of the most romantic things couples can do is to take a dance class or paint or pottery class together. Yes, there are still men who believe in "LOVE" and "ROMANCE", but I agree that it can be challenging. Although there are days and weeks when you feel hopeless about men, I admire your mindset to keep looking and believing that love is still out there. By the way, I think it is romantic and fine to watch romance movies with a love interest. Thank you, THE NOTEBOOK, HOLIDAY, and Hallmark! With a friendly smile, I wishy ou the best on your journey, Myra.

Made me a little teary, I'm an old guy wanting the same sort of connection.

Dating in 2024 is a mental minefield. I’ve become very apathetic to it all but videos like this give me hope. I too yearn for just one deeper relationship beyond the physical that satisfies my need for mental and emotional stimulation. The man you’re looking for is somewhere out there in the sea of 8 billion humans, and there’s probably a few of them. 😉

Hello, I’m watching the video. I love it. I’m 57. I’ve been with my wife for 35 years. I married someone before her. We were together three years we were young. I married my wife now we were both 30 so I was with her when she was 21 just out of college and I was just out of the Navy And we are still together but she’s my second wife so she’s my forever person give it time. Don’t try to make it happen. Let it happen naturally believe it or not. She’s a friends sister. I never thought I would marry someone I knew there sister it just happened naturally, so that’s all I’m saying let it happen naturally don’t beat yourself up looking for it. It will happen naturally when the time is right I love the videos. I just wanted to let you know this so hopefully I’ll give you some peace.I am 57 with my wife for 35 years, have a great day and stay safe. Can’t wait till next video John .

Sweetheart, don't overthink it, don't overanalyze it. There's nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful inside out. If meeting the ONE is what you really want, just relax, be yourself, don't change who you are. He will approach you the exact right way, the way that will resonate with you and you'll be comfortable with. And you will instantly know it's him. Stand by what you want, who you want, let go and let it happen. ❤ I'm subscribing, as I wanna see update when it happens. 😉

Honestly, you really are a rare sort of woman in a very good way. You most definitely give off vibes of great sincerity, genuineness and unpretentiousness. I know, what a mouthful. You remind me of the pretty girl on the playground in elementary school who I dreamed of having as my lifelong companion (wife) back when life was so much simpler and innocent. A breath of fresh air.

Enjoyed your perspective, it put some pieces together in my head from past dating experiences. When I was on the dating apps it always felt like a battle royale with other dudes for a matches attention. Feeling that pressure/fear, I would push the pace in dates because i thought that was what was expected, and it only turned into a relationship twice. Pesky insecurities, yo

Hang in there, hon. The one main thing I've learned about dating (when I still dated years ago), is the more dysfunctional we are, that's what we artract. We have to work on ourselves, especially old trauma. Only then do we start attracting better folks into our lives. The more functional we become, the more functional folks we artract, and that includes friends. As a survivor myself, ya gotta tackle the old trauma with therapy. It helps.

You are truly a gem Myra. The fact that people like you exist in this world, warms my heart and gives me hope. Ephesians chapter 5

I love a woman that respects herself enough to keep herself until the time is right! It show great strength and inteligence! Keep it up.

So many men feeling exactly the same. Funny how than men and women still can't match!!!!!

1) Avoids eye contact with men, I am guessing it feels too intense and invasive? 2) Does not understand the purpose of flirting and dislikes it. 3) Describes self as shy. 4) Often has men during dates misread her social cues, when in fact she may have not been aware of giving off any signals and certainly did not intend to. You might have undiagnosed high functioning Autism? I know because I am one of them. It was a great relief to find out there were other people in the world like me. Not saying that you are, but it might be worth checking out.

Finding the one is a lot of work, for both that are looking for it.

Hi from Sweden. I do not believe the place has a large role in the love finding. So stay close to family and friends, but keep an open heart for possible suitors. I'm in my early 30's and single too.

I caught your video and wanted to comment. There was a video where you say you hate dating a year ago. I thought well, did she find someone yet? So here I am. Just wanted to let you know that there are guys like me out here that have been trying to get a least one date in years. Dating apps were soul destroying. I'm shy until I get comfortable around someone, so it's very hard for me to stop a random girl on the street. Although, I am working on this, and I think I'm almost able to do it. I go to the park when I can and practice saying hello to everyone. I've seen a lot of single ladies but It's hard to judge if they want to be bothered. I have gotten the green light a couple times and just chickened out and kept walking by. Meaning they deliberately are staring at me with a smile as we walk by each other. I wish I could catch a girl like you rollerblading or just sitting at a park bench. It just doesn't happen. I don't get to go to the park as often as I would like because I'm working and when I'm not working I'm resting or fixing something. I just want you to know that there is someone out here that is wanting something meaningful but is having a hard time finding it also, as a man. Have a good day, I hope the right person comes along!

I dont think that it helps to fight fears. Can you say to someone " You know I looked at you and felt an desire to meet you, but when I have that feeling with men I also freeze up inside. Would you like to have a conversation anyway?" The man that you are looking will carry a wound, just as you do, just as most of us do, and in barring your truth, he may open up his truth, his hurts, his authenticity, to you as well. That is the beginning of intimacy.

When I met THE ONE in 2018, everything changed. And to this day, we are growing closer and closer together. We don't lie or cheat on each other, but appreciate, love and respect each other. I only dreamed of this all those years before, and now this beautiful relationship is reality! Never say never, young Lady ;-)

I really think that it's not about trying to get rid of the shyness and the fear but accepting that it is there and putting yourself out there and talking to people anyways and accepting that your face might turn red or your voice might be a little shaky but everytime you push your self to do something that scares you your brain starts to realize that the fear that you have is unfounded and talking to men that you like becomes easier over time and you'll still have off days but with every attempt you will gain more confidence and this really is a process that takes time so be patient with yourself.Look within yourself to find the root cause of these fears.Accept that this is a part of who you are and that's okay and the right person for you will love and accept it too.I wish you luck and I promise you things get better ❤

Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.

You just want Chad

Interesting thoughts. Made me think how I lost the romantic side and hope for love at this point. Nowdays dating market is very strange... feels transactional. I hate it... I remember when I was teen, I used to have crushes. I bought flowers, wrote poems and had 4-5 experiences with girls where it almost took off... but being a shy dude myself, the fear got best of me. Eventually girls either broke my heart or lost interest. The only way for me to cope with it, was write more poems and songs. I did not understand what I was doing wrong, I loved romantic movies and saw couples forming around me, thinking why can I not have that? By the time I got to my 20s and went to university I gave up on love. I got overweight and thought to myself... "Im fine just sitting here playing videogames and be alone for the rest of my life..." which was another coping mechanism. Deep down I still yearned for love, but being overweight I lost all the confidence I had in myself (the little I still had left in me). At age of 28 I moved city got I job and started fresh. Being still virgin I started to examine what am I doing wrong. It is not like girls did not like me before, they did... it is just I never (even now) felt I was the right person for anyone. But at the age of 32 I started to focus on myself. Worked out, lost the weight, got fit and felt better than ever. Doing now dating apps I did go out on couple of dates but even on the mens side... I felt most women did not look for serious relationships just casual things and most girls ended up being also single mothers. Now that scared me. I had not even kissed a girl let alone thinking about getting into a relationship with a woman who has already a child. But at the age of 33 I went asked out a girl who I knew from my 20s (my sisters friend circle) and we went out. She flipped a date on me and made it into a 12 hour picnic in park. BEST date I ever had. Like movie type of romance. I was lifted and amazed... sadly it lasted for few weeks and things did not work out too well. Had my first experiences with her and I am thankful for everything she made me feel. After which a year later I met this wonderful woman from the internet. She was a influencer and content creator. We started by chatting and eventually she invited me out. Had no idea it was a date 😅 and at one point turned out we both like eachother. But I did not expect an offer of fwb type of deal. Cause I was never that type of a guy. But at that age 34... I decided why not... lifes experience I go with the flow. Did not work out sadly either. The thing I learned about that is, even though she was amazing, we are not on same life phases or looking for same things. Now at the age of 35, having had 2 girls invite me out and neither of them working out too well, I am starting to question again. What am I doing wrong. Where is that woman, who I can connect, speak deep things about for hours and actually feel love again. Because, honestly as much as these few experiences I had... neither of them were love, it was infatuations that started fast and ended as fast as it had begun. I do not understand dating apps either, lot of the times it feels like a game. I do not know how to flirt either and have set ever since a boundary with any type of relationship. No matter if friendship or something romantic. We have to be open and honest which each other. Lets just get to know each other. There is no need to rush into things and hopefully when time comes... we have formed a deep connection of caring and understanding towards eachother. Which might blossom into love. I might be delusional, honestly started to question if I understand these things anymore, considering all the things I see and read on internet. But I remain hopeful. So I think I understand to a degree what you might be going through and wish you luck and fortune! Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Made me reflect on myself a little as well.

Thank you for sharing all of this. It makes me feel better about how I feel about love/relationships and that I'm not alone. I've been kinda in the same boat, it's something I've realized I've always wanted as well recently. It's scary when you get older or take brakes for yourself. I'm almost 33 now and the anxiety just keeps being higher. I thought in my recent relationship I had found my person. I dumped a lot into that, it went fast. It was scary but I tried to trust the process. In the end I didn't get the respect or treatment I wanted/needed and couldn't continue. I blame myself a lot still, but I'm reminded by my close friends how toxic it actually was. It has been one of the hardest things to overcome recently. And you're reminding me to remain genuine to myself and keep looking. I know that fear you talk about, paradoxical but I think it's just being that vulnerable. Working on my attachment style helped a bit. But I also understand the fear of not finding that person. Genuinely terrifying. You just can't let it stop you. We all deserve the love we need. Again, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel I'm not alone with you and the others in the comments. I'm hopeful for all of us.

13:40 @myrawest To the whole section about the future husband. The foundation of a longstanding relationship is familiarity and consistency. If you are starting any relationship from a place of suspicion, aversion, just having all your walls up, then there is no foundation for a longstanding relationship being put in place. You're just dancing around uncomfortable implications with a stranger you're not on the same page with. If you're not comfortable at least showing that you are attracted to this person, they have nothing to go off of except that you don't want to touch them and expect them to just persist in the absence of positive feedback. Dry glue doesn't stick. People need a reason to keep going. You don't have to tongue kiss anybody, but that's why people flirt, it shows that there is mutual investment. But if you're unwilling to flirt, then you have to get comfortable telling people what you feel about them in a very clear way because leaving it to implications will just leave them confused at best and sure that you're uninterested at usual.

The amount of sexism and misogyny i see on a daily basis online and offline, i have completely lost interested in males at all. But, i genuinely hope you end up finding your one ✨

Dating apps are a disaster. Even as a guy looking for short term or long term on dating apps is terrible and weird. I'm focusing on IRL meetings which helps me socialize better as well. Also it's funny you say no men are interested in LTR because I feel the same way about all the women in my area. None of them are in LTRs all of them just have casual/FWB relationships and go through a rolodex of guys on dating apps. Also, us guys do like to feel affection from a girl to know that she likes us which puts us at ease and makes us feel warm and comfortable so even just smiling and being nice and interested can light up a guys eyes like you don't have to even be flirting heavy and acting slutty like that. But if you were kind of deadpan or whatever I might think hmm I feel like I'm not good enough for this girl and Im seem uninteresting to her which hurts my confidence and I might not wanna put myself through that again because It takes a ton of courage to ask a girl out and set up a date so I don't want to feel like I'm an insufficient man for her. Feels awful. Also, it's nice that you're looking for a man with a good heart/job because the women around me literally say they like toxic guys and it really turns me off because I hate toxic trashy guys and women in my family have married or dated them and they hurt the women and their children but the women go with them because they think the guy is cute and funny and overlook his bad traits, instead of going for a nice guy with a good job. I really do think you should move around to different cities until you find someone because I'm also in the post college situation and it's so so hard to meet people especially in 1 area. In my area it's impossible all my friends are single. I'm trying to move to the city near me and then travel to different places. Really challenging for a lot of us. Never stop exercising and take care of yourself physically, steel yourself against the cruel callous people in dating/keep your head up and move on, and socialize as much as you can constantly. Also, fyi I am also terrified of women due to lack of experience and being awful at small talk but im pushing myself.I go to bars alone and sometimes just sit there and don't speak to any girls cause it's so unnatural to me. I literally can't flirt or don't know what to say to them. It sucks. But I realize I want it so bad that I need to keep seeking and overcome and transform myself or I'll not be trying at all and stay even more miserable. Atleast I want to try and fail and improve than not try at all but even finding opportunities is so logistically difficult like for most guys I know dating apps don't work at all.

Intelligence is a blessing and a curse, and i know exactly what you are trying to say, but most people will misinterpret your words anyway.

Hello Myra. Nothing, nothing, nothing "just happens". Ever. If you want to meet somebody, you cannot close off. If you "are afraid" of men, then you will die alone. So it's actually simple - a matter of priorities. And yes, I understand about being shy. I was shy back in the day. But I actually put in effort to work on my extrovertion. Nothing will solve itself, without effort.

The comment section on a Myra West video is always a pretty accurate snapshot of gender relations atm!

You’re too good and raw and creative for 99% of men. Nothing wrong with you at all.

I believe in love

I actually forgot about your channel. Good to see you’re still active.

13 minutes in and I can already spot the major red flags and problems you've run into that you yourself do not see, and you're not going to like the solution: you keep choosing the wrong men based on the wrong factors. You're probably going by who gives you the "feelz", but every guy you described on the dating apps fits what we colloquially call "Chad/Tyrone". These are guys -- who as you described -- just want someone fun to be around. They have ZERO intentions of marriage. A guy who has intentions of marriage in mind isn't going on a hike for your first date -- he's going to want to sit down somewhere and talk thoroughly about who you are, who he is, and what your future aspirations are and whether you both align politically/religiously/financially/morally. If a man is not designating his intentions through those four aforementioned categories on your first date, then he is NOT serious about anything long term. He is with you for fun. Full stop. If he has to "figure things out". He has no intentions of marrying you. If he has to "gauge the situation". He has no intentions of marrying you. If he has to "find out if he likes you". He has no intentions of marrying you. Because men who are looking to eventually marry are going to scrutinise whether you are compatible and whether you will make a good wife/mother. That's it. If he's not doing that, then he's not going to marry you. Also, you have to make your intentions known. It doesn't sound like you set boundaries right away (and again, maybe you address this later in the video, but I figured I would get this off before going further). Make it known that you do not kiss on the first date; no intimacy on the first date; etc., etc. Be strict in weeding out who you DO NOT want to entertain in your life. It's not about being overly picky, but it is about making sure you're not even entertaining men who only want you for fun. But again, this goes back to who you choose to entertain in your dating life. And it sounds like the men you find attractive are the typical top 20% who have multiple options on rotation. If you don't want those people in your dating life, you have to choose not to entertain them and change your standards based on principles, not simply attraction.

As I've gotten older, the whole concept of finding "the one" has become very alien to me. I honestly don't get the appeal of relationships anymore, especially for men.

you'll be fine. You have many options. Remember. The love that you withhold from yourself and others is the pain that you carry.

90% of people dont know what "love" means. 90% of them, never thought to look up the definition.

Attitude is key. The highest value women are traditional and friendly. Keep yourself for your husband, not the boyfriend. Flirting can be valuable, but it can also be a problem if inappropriate.