The Text Message Song 

There was a time when life seemed better, The sky seemed bluer, the sun seemed redder, My skin felt newer, my lips felt wetter, Manhattan could freeze, but no need for a sweater. Because I had someone, and he was perfect, yes I had someone. My loneliness was gone, cos' I had someone, who held up my world, and carried me close. That someone, was John. Until that skank from his office, convinced him to dump me, And everything we had, like she was better. So without any notice, no lunch, Not a phone call, no email, not even a letter. He was no longer mine. So for you men, No!, you boys With your stupid smelly faces Allow me to give your best lesson, Never dump a crazy girl from New York, With a text message. This is no time to LOL, oh well, could have been worse. I know its hard to believe, But I still have that message saved. Kate, I hate, how much you talk when we're together. (said) Spelled with friggin' two. BTW's I like Laura now (said) Laura, the skank. And stop calling her a skank (said) well she is We've only dated six weeks (said) and a half The whole time I just wanted to shout That we're over, cos' we're over And he ends it with Seacrest out out. No! no! I'll show him I'm not a mess How can I respond to him in a 100 characters or less. Dear DB, DB stands for douchebag, Why don't you GSB, grow some balls, Cos' in the walls of my mind in The halls of my mind there is no room for you at all. So do your thing, I won't stop you, cos' I know that I'll be a sensation, when I, S U Y B F S H T Y Y L O A Y S I L D I'm sorry, translation, Sex Up Your Best Friend So He Tells You You Lost Out And You Sink Into Lonely Depression. Oh John, BTW's, SM. translation: size matters.