The three colours of friendship 

So true. Almost "lost" my best friend to depression. Luckily we were able to talk things out in the long run, but for almost a year we had no contact and I let it happen, because you can't force people to be with you (and you don't want to).

I totally agree, I think it’s because I didn’t feel worthy of the friendship as my depression and self esteem was so bad.

Excellent point. I’m aware I do this

I know someone exactly like that. She will do anything for you in an emergency but NO social interaction at all. I know she's had a difficult time with primarily her overly possessive mother and I used to call her 'the Goodbye Girl' as she's always getting dumped. She WAS a model but now overweight and very reclusive. Thanks for your comment, I thought it was me! Even though I'd heard her saying 'It's not you!'on her 'phone to a friend she'd been ignoring the same way.

thank you!!

Yes♥️ Once you See It, you Cannot UNsee It ♥️

Totally agree with this 💯

True friends are forever though

@@karolinanie5946 is there such a thing as true friends ? Genuine question. I got called a jolly good friend buy a woman who had known me 2 weeks ? I really don't like using the word friends unless that you went to school together lol I call everyone and acquaintance and I think that's my self-protection going up. Calling someone a friend as soon as you meet I think is a bit fickle. Each to their own. But true friends I'm not sure. Perhaps I would call them jolly good friends or close friends but having lost everyone I put value on my second dog buddy now that little guy is unconditional and he's a jolly good friend always there when I need him is my shadow who licks up my tears and gives me a purpose to get up in the morning :) I've had so many "friends" take my business elsewhere and just turn on me that I've kind of giving up on humanity to a large degree but that's just me.

Totally agree

This is a perfect way to put it!

OMG thank you. I had a lot of friends for a season and always wondered why I lost them over time. You explained it perfectly.

That's a brilliant way to think of them and it sounds poetic.

💯💯💯💯🏆🏆🏆

Friends for a reason- Orange Friends for a season- Yellow Friends for a lifetime- Green

Agreed! I believe in quality rather than quantity when it comes to friendship!

My dear friend, Joe, passed two years ago. I miss him terribly. He was one helluva true friend.

lol :)

Right!

Y'know sometimes someone leaves cos they think the other one is toxic.

​@@Azarilh we're orange pretending to be green after all

Yeah and if several people you were very close to you almost fused end up leaving you, you have a problem and you should seek help, or at list that's what i'd want to tell my ex lol No one ever left me ! ​@@Azarilh

Yesss!! Perfectly put!!

Anything that highlights someone's shadow is going to greatly trigger them - because you are forcing someone to reconcile the parts of themselves they do NOT want to look at. Most people are not living authentically because they're deathly afraid of being judged or shunned. Imagine (I guess you don't have to) the jealously/resentment that is generated towards someone who doesn't care, and is living freely. I agree with you. I'm sorry you've had to come to that conclusion, but how cool is it that you did. The truth will set you free! :)

@@jessica0321 Excellent comment! Finding people who are being their true selves while being your own true self is a challenge, but when you find one and you become friends it is golden.

@@JSaveK Indeed! And perhaps we appreciate it that much more, which adds to the experience. :)

Studies have actually found that while there seems to be a communication barrier between neurotypical and neurodivergent people, the neurotypican people communicate with each others just fine and the neurodivergent people also communicate with each others just fine. It feels like neurodivergent and neurotypical people interacting is just two too different cultures trying to communicate despite they'll never match. The good news is, when you focus on your genuine interests in life, you're more likely going to meet other neurodivergent people who are also more likely to have the same interest as you, compared to the neurotypical people. So, rather than trying to find the "matching friends", just do whatever makes you genuinely happy in life, and you'll find the like-minded people that will make great friends.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel--when you have a truly green friend, those bits of yellow in other friendships can feel like neon. Sending you love.

I miss my green friend too. *Hugs*

💐 lonely for the green, that's a good way to put it. I feel the same way

💐 lonely for the green, that's a good way to put it. I feel the same way

💐 lonely for the green, that's a good way to put it. I feel the same way

Me too. I no longer need to have many friends.

I had a dear friend, who unfortunately died last year. She used to always say that a person is really lucky if they have just a few good friends. I think most don't have more than a handful of real friends. Some collect a lot of aquaintences. As long as times are good and you have lots to offer, they'll be around. If your life really fell apart, they tend to scatter. Heard about it many times w/ divorces or illness.

The world needs love.

Everyone can count their friends on one hand.

I only had yellow friends at some point in my life during uni and only one green friend that was far away. Once I understood that(not really by colors) and because of life changing it all made sense why I felt lonely even though I never really was. Only party friends, only friends that want your presence as long as you’re fun. Only friends that sucked up all my energy. Nobody was even calling me to just ask how I was doing once they realized I wasn’t partying and going out like before, only the occasional invites just in case. I cut all ties and forced myself to learn to be alone. Best decision ever, never felt lonely anymore and everything went in place overtime, new important relationships included even though very few but thats exactly how I like it now. The problem was me, I though I had this big need to have friends left and right so I could never be alone and I was missing on really good people like my hb just to mention 1. I would have nevet met or noticed him wasting my time with the people I went out before.

hmmmm

Yesssss. We need to re-evaluate what color WE are.

LOL jolly good point @jessica0321

I've never supported anyone who ends their comment by saying "Period", as if they have all the answers, are the sole possessor of the correct view and leave no room for others to breathe, to honor their own wisdom. It is immature and arrogant. Period. See how that feels? Yet, I liked your comment because everything else you said was truth, in my opinion.

Very mature of u !

Hahahahha! I should have included that clip, omg 😂

But Kermit also said it makes him very happy 🐸

THIS !!! I was my Boss' "go-to" friend for 13 years --- babysat her doggo whenever she asked me, helped her clean and move into 3 homes, took care of her numerous times post-hospital (even tho she had 2 grown children, who NEVER stepped up to help her). But the 3 times (in 13 years) that I asked HER to help ME, she acted like I was causing her so much inconvenience. Eventually I left that job, and haven't had contact with her for 5 years ---- happiest I have ever been. Sadder, but wiser. I learned a valuable lesson --- not to confuse friendship with being someone's "personal assistant." I was used & manipulated by a selfish person for 13 years --- never again !!!

That's a horrible way for your boss to treat people! Good to not be close with her. Too bad she may not be close with many though (speaking to people that way)

Valid points and very well expressed. For me it often feels like I’m on a wheel - there’s “up” days and “down” days, (or weeks! 😱) - and though I feel stuck going around in circles, at least I know there’s better times as well as awful ones.

Valid points and very well expressed.

Well said thank you for this comment I have had this same experience and I feel like I failed my friends and family. 🫂

Totally resonate...thank you for being so honest and sharing. I feel less shame knowing that for some of us, this is a real struggle.

YES!

Right. Not sure where you're from, but in the US, we have acquaintances, "work friends", "casual friends", then "close friends", then "best friends", then "forever friends". Also there's the common, "friend of a friend" and "family friend" categories. Oh, and some people do this kooky "frenemy" thing... 😳

I had a good friend, we met at work and did all the usual things friends do. Then one day he was talking about a get-together he had Saturday night and how much fun it was. I piped up "I didn't know you had a party " He said, " oh ,no it wasn't a party it was just me and my friends hanging out." That's when I realized we were acquaintances and not friends. I didn't hang out with him after that. I deserve better than that.

@@stanleyhape8427 Sounds like that was a horrible moment for you. Some people can be unintentionally insensitive, while some others can be purposely mean. I could be wrong, but it sounds like he was 'showing off', because unless he said something like "You should come along to the next one, if you can!" that would understandably make you feel excluded!

Idk, the way she describes it yellows sound much worse than an acquaintance. Yellows sound down right malevolent. She says they are the only ones that *need* to go. An acquaintance might be a yellow person but you wouldn't know that until you had more experience with them.

@@blahpunk1 Yeah, perhaps there should be different shades! Pale yellow for a 'normal acquaintance'...where, for example, two people are polite and acknowledge each other but don't have a 'meaningful friendship', it's just pleasant. And the video describes a 'yellow friend' as someone a person might keep in contact with, if there are 'perks'...so that sounds like 'both sides' could potentially be 'using each other'! Perhaps that should be a very dark yellow!

i’ve cut plenty of people off for absolutely no reason of theirs. sometimes it’s because i have too many friends or not enough time. or i moved away, or i just forgot about them for a while & it feels awkward for me to reach out. it’s not always about someone else making mistakes

So true.

Tea

Absolutely, and you do not owe any toxic people or those who just cannot be bothered an explanation no matter how long you have known them. Why should anyone have to explain to "grown" adults how to conduct themselves or reciprocate. If you did not learn this in primary or secondary school, that's your problem. We don't know what type of friend this woman was to her friend. Everyone thinks they were such a good friend to someone even when their not.

@@donatapowell8143I have noticed, however, that there are those who are CLUELESS that they are stepping on toes. You try to tell them and they just can’t hear it.

I have done the same. I have had several conversations with this friend who I will ALWAYS love but some of her life choices conflicted with my authentic self. The relationship became stressful and one sided. It was not healthy for me so I parted. It was extremely difficult but I don’t apologize for taking care of me when I had put others first for so long. I have no desire to reunite that relationship and I am at peace.

​@@donatapowell8143 *they're

@@LDR411 yes this!! I absolutely relate to what you’re saying! I had a very similar situation with a friend of mine, and I feel the exact same way, but I had to do what’s best for me.

The fact you still think about her almost a quarter of a century later shows how badly her decision backfired though of course she’ll never know that.

I’m so, so sorry you experienced that 🩶🩶🩶🩶

I can almost feel your pain. I send you a big hug from here ❤

Someone dear to me just disappeared out of my life about 10yrs ago and I still miss her. I've made peace with it once I realised that she had opportunity to address any issues with me and clearly chose not to. I dont want friends like that. It sounds like your friend chose same... 😢

​@@diosadeamoren

Bingo, well said.

I stopped rowing, now I have no one.

Exactly what I thought - especially after the pandemic

You may be the best friend to be for yourself, if you are kind, trustworthy, with pure motives, that’s more than can be said for most other people out there these days.

First, love your own company and all that you already have inside of you. Anything else is an added bonus, not the be all and end all. :)

Felt.

​@@demelza32Easy to say if you actually have had friends at some point. If you never had any, it would be really nice to have one, no matter the colour.

work on self-love and the green ones will come around~🫧🙏🏼💛🙏🏼🫧

@@kaoruM33 please please please, no victim blaming. Eg: How do you know this person lacks self-love? It's just circumstantial for most people....and we should be as neutral & stoic about it as we possibly can: happiness comes from within, not from other people.

Speaking from my experience, finding one is hard. All I did throughout those years is focusing on the things I like to do and deal with yourself as whole. You can meet friends that have same interest that you have and remember, be open yet firm with your guts meeting a new person.

I don't think so I'll ever have green friends as of now

​@@kaoruM33 Woo woo bullshit. The universe is not just. Karma is not real. Lots of wonderful people suffer for no good reason, and certainly no fault of their own. And lots of scumbags prosper.

If you're truly being yourself and *absolutely no-one likes* you, it's time to see a therapist, not to suffer alone. Something needs figuring out. Humans truly aren't supposed to be alone.

@@marthajean50 thanks for the reply! I have a different experience personally, namely that I do way better alone than with people who are too different from me or I feel like can't be myself around them. Maybe I do need to figure something out, but I don't feel like it's that urgent ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

@@Kotifilosofi Right. I think *everyone* does better alone than with people who are way too different. (Just try to avoid actual isolation. That causes big problems.) There are people out there like you -- you maybe just haven't found your crew yet. That happens easily with people who are different, like artists, nerdy types, etc. I bet you just have to find your people, as they say. That changes everything, and until it happens, life can be noooo fun. 🙃

@@marthajean50 I do meet people like my work mates etc. It just doesn't feel like I'm "clicking" with anyone and if they can choose they rather do not spend time with me and honestly I feel the same 😅 maybe there's people's like me out there, but if they're as stubborn and sceptical as me, I'm probably not sure I'll ever form a connection with any of them.

@@marthajean50artist here. This is my reality.

Same

Puppy love❤

So we had a new guy at work. New to the area and new to the job. I tried to be nice and give him a verbal tour of the facility ( where the bathrooms, break rooms and other amenities are) He stopped me and said he's here to work and doesn't need any more friends. Me : cool bruh 👍 I'm guessing he gave that attitude to everyone because about a week later, he complained that everyone there was unfriendly. Me : Nah, they probably just don't need any more friends.

Amen!!

Maybe true for people higher up than you, but not so much if they're on equal footing. I have several close friends I met at terrible jobs, that we left ages ago, and they are still the kind of people that if I call them for help they'd be like, "tell me what you need and I'm there."

Yes! I agree. I like her points and they're causing me to think... but I think different people serve different functions in our life and it shouldn't be all or nothing. I have friends that I can't go deep with but we enjoy museums and art together. I have other friends that I can't be totally vulnerable with or count on in a crisis but we have great big laughs and it makes the world lighter. I think there are rings of friendship. Like looking at an onion cut in half and you're the center. You have your close people at the first ring, then friends but not ride or dies, and it gets less close as you go out. Not every person is meant to know and understand you completely. I think her analysis of green friends is a good measure for who you get close and intimate with. And her talk about yellow friends is a reminder to let go of those friends that aren't a fit or maybe you're still friends with by obligation. But there are many people you can connect with and enjoy who don't fully know or accept you.

Exactly! I have many friends in the green who have some completely different opinions and some differing values on things. But, we all still manage to get along perfectly and agree to disagree on things respectfully. It’s eye opening to see different perspectives

Your authentic self might change between certain circumstances (work, school, friends) but it is not absolutist to say that if you have to be inauthentic to get along with someone, something has gone wrong.

@@CTHD13 Yes, but that wasn't the sole message and criteria here. I've been thinking a lot about friendships after I saw so many friendship patterns during the time I was caring for my father and his wife. Friendship is conditional. I saw the many types of conditions so my conclusion is that it is best to have different types of friendships, including strong acquaintanceships based on doing things together and living in community. Also, model the kind of friendship you want. That can shape some relationships. And, replying to her last point: I don't mind being invited to dinner parties to fill the table. That can work for me.

I don't think this was intended as a way to categorize everyone in your life into 3 precise buckets, but rather to provide a way to simplify complex social relationships in a manner we can more easily understand. Maybe some people are green in some circumstances and yellow or orange in others.The overall takeway was don't make yourself yellow to fit in because you are not serving yourself or the others involved well by doing so. (But maybe you can be green with those same people in a different setting!)

something similar happened to me when I was in grad school and going through a separation/divorce. Everyone disappeared and I felt I couldn’t speak to anyone for help because the issues were isolating. Even my own sister had a new drama to unload on me every few days. I started to wake up to ask her why she was never concerned with what I was going through and trying to be there for me. She never could let me speak long enough before cutting me off about herself.

@@grumpyschnauzer I am really sorry to hear that you went through that. I hope you have, or find soon, someone who can lift your life and know that you also lift theirs. (Sorry it sounds so ‘therapist’, I’m honestly not like that at all, I’m more of a cheeky get stuck in to activities critter.) Anyhow best wishes to you… and your schnauzer (if you have one!)

In the same situation as me, I ended a friendship of over 28 years with a former family friend and her brother. Our families were good friends, and we had known each other since we were babies. I had always felt safe and secure around them and thought that I could be my authentic self no matter what. That is until I started having severe problems with my mental health that I had shoved away because I didn't want to burden them; that was on top of the fact that I have autism and had been diagnosed in very early childhood. For context, they were fully aware of all my struggles, and I had always supported them whenever they needed me if they ever reached out. I was never perfect in this friendship, and neither were they, but I always admitted that we always dealt with it face to face whenever I was in the wrong and had a problem with anything. That was until I had a massive emotional breakdown and apparently everything shifted, apparently I had become distant, and I was disrespectful for not talking to them, oh no, not because I had felt shame and embarrassment over my issues because I didn't want to burden them. Long story short, when I reached out, they used all of my problems against me and made me feel worthless for going through a tough time in my life. I loved these people indeed and intensely with all my heart, and they stabbed me in the back. Needless to say, I blocked them, and I will never forgive them. Better to be alone than in a friendship that makes you feel alone and shameful.

Let me be clear: a good, authentic and genuine friend will be understanding and will never make you feel like you are a burden; they will take you as you are and will be there for you, not for convenience, but this should be mutual as well. Take me as I am or end it with me, but have the respect of ending things face to face if you no longer want any part of it.

I'm sorry you went through all that. I hope you're feeling better.

@@louiserees1676 Same to you, I hope that you're in a much happier place, truly. Thank you, love and warmthness.

That is very common in divorce situations. Some people think it’s contagious. Others just don’t know what to say or know how to offer support. Some will see a newly separated person as a threat. So very sorry you lost a dear friend amidst a significant loss.

The problem is that she loves him and she can't think clearly. In her mind a break-up would be too painful. She needs to learn to love herself more than she loves him and find the courage to end her (emotionally) abusive relationship.

It's unbelievably tedious being somebody's emotional dustbin. You did the right thing. Life is so short and these energy vampires are not your problem. I feel sorry for your friend, she probably had a really horrible upbringing that caused her to accept being treated like shit, but after age 40 people need to get a grip and move forward. That's when making decisions based on careful thinking and not feelings is vital. Otherwise you are a nut shell being blown about on the sea tempest that is life. And you sink without trace at some point.

You're doing a great job of isolating her which is her abusive partner's intention. It's all about you. No one chooses abuse. You were never her friend if this is your stance about her. Maybe educate yourself about the dynamics of abusive relationships and stop blaming your friend for being in one. You have no idea why she's unable to leave at this time. The last thing your friend needs is a judgy, self-righteous "friend" like you.

​@francefradetjardineslacora8114 What a load of nonsense period people who grew up being abused have no reference point and people like you victimize them further. You are a fair weather friend, which is not a friend. Enjoy your selfish, judgy, smug life.

@@ArtemisSilverBow this is pretty harsh. I supported her through three breakups with this guy because of his behavior. Shared abusive relationship material etc after the last one. You can't save everyone. I've been in an abusive relationship and grew up in a violent and abusive home. No I don't have to stand by and watch that. I choose healthy relationships and to be surrounded by people that respect each other. Yes I understand what you are saying, but ultimately it's her choice. Just like it was my mum's choice not to leave my violent alcoholic father who would hit us. Maybe it is you that needs to learn about enabling bad behavior.

You sound lovely ❤

I just got dumped by my "soulmate" and I'm down to one friend and my therapist.....those are the only TRUE, ACTIVE relationships that I have. It actually feels incredibly liberating to have so few people in my life. (I have plenty of aquaintances: coworkers, relatives, organizations I attend, even toxic parents....but those aren't TRUE relationships.) Getting dumped removed a large chunk of misery from my life. I no longer have to consider ANYONE but myself. I only have ONE relationship to maintain as I work through all the heavy stuff I've been through in the past couple years.....and I forsee myself taking years of solitude to figure my life out. No one else expects anything from me, no one asks anything of me, and that is a HUGE relief.

Same, I have found few and I realized after watching this video that you can interact with people that are align to your values and help you grow whether an acquaintance or a green friend.

That's my situation.

Sometimes they walk away because they don't see a reason to stay :)

Anyway I'm a huge fan of letting it be

True, but if you don't know what the reason is (maybe even they don't know it - the unconscious has lots of power) then you can't know what was wrong. It might be something about you, it might be something about them, or could be a mix of both.

I have many reasons for walking away from people. And I am very clear about it. 1. One ex friend told me that she had an opening for a new friend because one of her girlfriends would be dying soon of cancer. 2. When I mentioned potential travel to Another ex friend, she had a moment of mini-panic, then informed me that she only travels with her sisters. 3. I traveled a long distance for business & an ex - best friend in the same town w/ a giant house, who knew I was coming, didn’t invite me to stay with her for a couple days. But that was the tip of the iceberg that woke me up to reality. 4. One guy ex-friend started negative gossip about me on several occasions to important members of a group we were in. Bye bye to him finally! …..And I have many other stories about the weird stuff “friends” do, and some of it is hard to believe, (think hidden cameras) but I’ll stop here. 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

​@@janetpattison8474 2. People are not oblidged to travel with you. Maybe she didn't have the money to travel, maybe she panics at the idea of flying, maybe whatever. Cutting out a friend over this, sounds very immature. 3. No one is oblidged to invite you to stay at their home. Having someone over is greatly taking you out of your comfort, you cannot even fart freely anymore, and since it was a business travel, the expenses should be paid by your job and you get to stay to a nice hotel. Why would you want to stay at her place and invade her space and force her to expenses and out of her routine, when you can stay at a hotel?

Yes, exactly. There is no need to cut anyone out of your life (aside from the abusive or otherwise dangerous, of course). Be green for yourself, and the rest will sort itself out 💚

When you are authentic, that makes leaving their idea.

Ultimately, we humans need a little yellow to make green paler and a bit more orange to make green somewhat grounded like the earth that we will go to. Enjoying being a brighter tint of green!PB

Pigeon plus heart?

Peace and love​@@dasytaylor

I agree. I think on of the key things about friendship I've learned over the years that many people do not know/haven't learned yet is: no one owes anyone anything. I've been a great friend to some and then I've drifted away from them in my own evolution, and others have drifted away from me, into new relationships and worlds. Yes, it hurts. Everyone gets hurt in life as you grow and learn. But new relationships await, though sometimes periods of lonliness, too. It is best to not have expectations from anyone. It is best to be grateful when someone goes out of their way for you or stops to give you love or support. Some people will help you when you need it, some have to be asked, and some will avoid your struggles. It's just life and the one guarantee is that everything changes and nothing stays the same!

And that’s valid! We have a friend who disappears for literal months of end and texts about size messages a year But everytime she’s online it’s so worth it When she isn’t MIA we do calls DnD sessions whatnot She’s a bunch of fun And when she needs to she disappears but we know that that’s simply the way she is and needs to be for herself In her words She Sometimes forgets she exists 😂

That’s what I am like too

Its dont matter really, technically Im ADHD or was, and people have just vanished out of My life who I thought where friends. I already know what people will not bother keeping in contact after the thing that originally brought us together ends. The fact is most people hang around with people because there is something bringing them together be that work, smoking, gaming or what ever. When that thing is no longer happening only a very tini percentage of people will continue being friends or bothering with each other, this is just a fact of life. Should be noted that most of those people where never true friends in the first place they where acquatence or associates.

@@aaishaismail5717 There is a difference between being distant vs ignoring everyone but yes some friends I dont speak to for month then We are talking everyday and meating up.

Heh, my friend used me as a therapist and then left without an explanation 😅

That's exactly me. I should have called my father and my 2 oldest friends a few months ago. The guilt and shame makes it much worse. And that's the norm for me. Damn, I always wanted to get a diagnosis, but still procrastinate on it.

I relate to alllll of this, and am 99.9% sure I am autistic as well.

Because of the genuine place you are coming from - and that deep love and empathy that everyone makes mistakes, and you are willing to hold space for that - I really feel that is worlds better than all the yellow friends telling you you were right and you know deep down they’re being phony.

Did you say this before you left or just disappear? Btw I agree with your decision to cut ties in this scenario, I’m just curious how u did it

@@yasmine4501I am interested in the things you asked as well. ☺️

Continual lateness, inattention, letting you down last minute...No-one deserves to be treated with such discourtesy. It was a good move to let her go and a sad thing that you put up with it for a long time.

She sounds so disrespectful. I had a similar friend since HS and put up with her for too many yrs. There's no reasoning with people like that either; it's their nature to be difficult, scattered and irresponsible. We don't need them sucking our energy.

​@@gcrawford9816very sad

This!

Cool, and what if you fucking hate yourself? Like attracts like, so if you end up attracting anyone, it'll most likely be someone who shares some of your own detestable traits. Speaking from experience, your advice is pretty much worse than useless to people like me.

when you've been a people pleaser for so long and don't know what part is really you anymore..

I did this too. It cost me my marriage and almost cost me my mental health. Not making that mistake again. Hugs ❤

Right? Most of my family are yellows, dancing in the dark together because of common lineage. I feel sad, anxious and judged around them so I don't interact anymore than necessary.

Yeesh 😑

Keep searching you will find your people it just takes trial and error sometimes

Those are just trendy buzz words.

And family lmao

@@grumpyschnauzerI’m glad those are just trendy buzz words for you. For others, it’s an abusive relationship that fucks up everything.

This is the type of comment I was looking for, and I really like what you said at the end “you take care of people who take care of you back.” I had a very close friend throughout high school and into our early 20s (till about 21). We shared a lot with each other and had a lot of fun, but eventually, I began to feel resentful towards her because it felt very one-sided in terms of the amount of care I put into our friendship and the lack thereof from her end. I don’t like how our friendship ended, ultimately I guess it was my fault because we were airing out our grievances via text to one another, and I just stopped replying. And she never tried to reach back out after that, nor did I. I still think about that friendship often even now, as a 31-year-old and I do miss the fun we had, but I needed more from her and we seemed to be growing in different directions. I agree, the color categories don’t seem to wholly encapsulate all friendships or friendship types. At this point in my life, I only have 2 close friends. One who I have been friends with since 1st grade who I started to spend more time with at 21, around the time that the other friendship I mentioned ended; the other I have been friends with since 10th grade. At this point with us being in our 30s and living 1-3hours away from each other, they are more like what the speaker in the video described as a “yellow” friend because we are kind of only friends because we have been for so long, but at the same time, there is still a lot of care and love that I have for them, and they have for me. It’s not so simple as “just cut them off because they are ‘yellow’”because then I would be left with no one (friend-wise). And when we do manage to hang out, we can still be vulnerable and open up to each other and act the same no matter how much time has passed. And finding meaningful friendships in adulthood is hard which is why they have always remained my closest friends. I think the color-coding lacks a lot of nuance. Anyway, I used your comment as an opportunity to vent my thoughts and feelings on the matter- I hope I didn’t ramble too much.

Very good insights, thank you 😊 Yes, I think that in certain situations "yellow" friends are nice and valuable as well and can develop gradually into green ones, if opportunity arises.

I think the point she’s making is that yellow people aren’t taking care of you back, the ones that do are green. And that being your authentic self will naturally weed out the people who aren’t actually there for you without ghosting them or making demands of them.

Google "double empathy problem" to see research proving that autistic people do not have a communication deficit. Two autistic people communicate just as effectively as two allistic (non-autistic) people. It is only in "mixed neurotype pairings" that communication difficulties occurred on BOTH SIDES.

Be 100% yourself and find your GREEN people:)

Yes, me too! I actually made a video reply about this to someone else’s comment on this video over on TikTok. Here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-CaCTRYuEXRY.htmlsi=EdMR-BtrIPzPMJTH

Yes, so true! Zero shade being cast here 😂

You don't sound awful to me. I can relate to your experience.

@lifeslessons but at least with red you know where you stand but I cannot stand people who say one thing and do another The Inbetweeners. I would rather someone say I really don't like you rather than someone say I think you're cool but think otherwise and those people make my blood boil. So you know where you are with red and I call a spade a spade so it's the chameleons :) happy Sunday afternoon

I was shocked to hear that for those who have cancer, it’s quite common for many friends to disappear. I’m sure it’s because they don’t know how to be a support, but it’s still very sad 😢

Yes I can relate. I did that relationship thing twice.

She's devaluing you....and she's jealous. Your response is benevolent and mature, bless you, but make sure you are valuing yourself.

Kick that B to the curb...she is no friend!

Why are you even “taking it”? That’s a crazy waste of your time. She’s not even a friend. Life’s too short for that.

She sounds like a narc

Time to let that person who treats you like trash, go. What are you waiting for? You are worthy of only love.

Yes but isn't 20 years a long time?

@@susanharvey4235 very long time, however just when i felt secure and relax I thought that I can stop worrying about compromising and doing what they like most of the time. It was the turning point, I was seen and treated as a hipocrit so I decided to leave them in peace. 😔

I feel much the same way. I live with depression which includes disappointment and regret. I accept my isolation bc as a human I feel like an accident looking for a place to happen. It’s just easier to lay low. Sometimes I still find things to enjoy and I still have curiosity to learn new things. As a fellow sufferer I hope the best for you.

Be as content and grateful as you can, and love yourself as your own best friend. ❤

Jesus can be your friend. Just open The New Testament.

That most of hurt 😔 are you doing okay?

Hi, Thank You for your kind comment. I'm doing ok. Sometimes you just have to move on with life, but I do miss our friendship. One minute your really good friends then a man comes along and suddenly you're nothing! 😥 It's a shame some women don't value their friendships as much as the latest man in their life, I think it's important to value both. I hope you have good friends in your life.... 👍

​@@muttley7875 How do you know when to give up on a friendship? is it when they continue to ignore you? or is it just a feeling you get and no longer the same? I guess its hard me to understand why someone would just distance themselves; I think that's the hard part not understanding what happened; it's like being stood up and never knowing what happened. I guess reality is...closure isnt always given.

Well said. I absolutely agree 🖤

Maybe his new girlfriend didn't want him to have female besties.

Oh gosh. I’m so sorry this happened to you 🩶🩶🩶

Thankyou 🤍

The key thing to remember is that to say someone is “yellow" isn’t to call them a bad or unlikable person, or even someone that doesn’t like you. Instead, someone can only be yellow because WE aren’t being our true selves with them. Yellow is an us thing, not a them thing. “Getting rid of yellow”, therefore, doesn’t mean cutting anyone off. It means being our whole selves around others even when we think they won't like us. If they don't, they're orange, and now there are no pretences. If they do, they’re green and we can finally start to trust that.

Think of it like there are takers and givers

​@@mac-ju5ot I relate to that more, since I've always been authentic with everyone. It keeps out the riffraff.

Great question. You’re probably struggling to tell the difference because yellow and orange are basically/potentially the same. The key thing to remember is that to say someone is “yellow" isn’t to call them a bad or even unlikable person. Instead, someone is yellow because WE aren’t being our true selves with them. “Getting rid of yellow”, therefore, means being our whole selves around others even when we think they won't like us. If they don't, they're orange, and now there are no pretences.

It sounds like to me Orange means not as compatible but not bad. This could be an acquaintance or a friend not as close. There is no fakeness or questioning; the level of friendship. between you 2 understood and enjoyed. Yellow is when you feel uneasy or annoyed by friendship and there are issues in understanding or being compatible with each other. There are reasons why you’re friends and there could be even be good things about the friendship, but you don’t feel you can be truly authentic. Orange example: you don’t like the same kind of movies so you don’t really don’t watch movies together but you’re both fine with that. Yellow: you also don’t like the same movies but feel pressure to watch with them and they may not like it or you if you don’t

Orange people are no friends. One feels tired after talking with them on the phone or after meeting up. Orange friends will be friends with you on THEIR terms. They have time for you when it suits them. They serve you cheap or convenient food after you cooked or baked delicate food for them - anything what suits them ... You IMAGINE them being your friend, but actually only they get something out of this unequal "friendship".

Is this lady conducting an invisible orchestra or does flapping one hand around whilst talking have some meaning?🤣

@@Ali-fq3nz It's called gesturing.

I’m so sorry to hear you went through this (both the manipulation and the loss of the other friend) 🖤 And thanks for the brilliant quote :-)

@@Betwixt_App I only discovered you today, but so far I've enjoyed the two videos I've watched. I'm meant to be studying for a quiz and my exam. I'm procrastinating... 😬

Eeek! I’m enabling!! 😱

@@Betwixt_App 🤣

What is age relevancy. 😊