the truth about a 12 year age gap 

i’ve never felt more love than in a female friendship.

At 20, I met my Jake. we were the same age, and I felt truly seen and understood in a way I hadn’t before, for once in my life i was not alone. It was both the most incredible and the most painful time of my life. He exhausted and drained me, until there was nothing left of me. I was having sleep paralysis, depression and anxiety every day. Despite this, I stayed far longer than I should have, and even tried to rekindle things before finally ending it for good. No one around me understands why I held on for so long, but this episode really was a reflection of my younger self-pouring my heart into sentimental notes for him, adoring him despite knowing, deep down, that what we had was not what I deserved. I believe those notes we used to write, Madeline, were like manifestations of hope-wishing that someday things could be exactly as we had painted them in our little stories, even though we both knew they never could be

I also gained a lot of weight on my recovery from depression and anxiety - I was truly, really skinny, but it was never enough when I was 19 to 21, I guess. Now I'm bigger, sure, but I'm eating and I'm happier. Sometimes it's hard to accept that this is the body I have right now and that this is who I am. And Madeline you've helped so much in accepting some things about myself and I also relate a lot to you. Hope you know you've accomplished a lot

I really love this podcast and your friendship. I also had a way older boyfriend who was the worst so this was so therapeutic to listen to. Please keep making episodes, they’re so great!

thank you for transforming my mondays!

This all reminds me deeply of the song “Girlhood, godhood” by Tommy Lefroy. Also I fully agree on friendship being intimate and deep.

as someone who moved from an irrelevant city to LA when I was 18, was immediately dazzled by the movie-ness of it all, and got caught up with a 36 year old man, I hear you and I see you. I’m 26 and doing so much better now, I’m glad you’re doing better as well!! love you both very much!!!!

i’m so happy that you guys started a podcast i would LOVE a gaylor episode

came back straight from class to watch this 😝

Madeline, I am so glad you shared such a personal story and I wanted to make sure you realize how helpful this episode can be for girls. I just turned 17, and I believe that getting warnings such as your story is so incredibly important for girls like me. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for educating young girls like me 🫶

this is my favorite podcast 🫶 y’all make me feel so safe

The parallels of your story to mine is actually so crazy. I’m 23 and this hour of y’all talking is the most seen I’ve ever felt and I’m so happy but also so sad I watched -- in the best way. Thank u 🥲 I’m so excited for future me

wow, i'm 20 and this was soooo special to me. for the first time in a while it made me excited for the future life i could never expect and being able to look back on myself now with so much more clarity. i'm trying to remind myself how young and dumb i actually am and to be cautious but savor it. also the background, the tiara, and the frog and toad stuffed animals made me feel so safe :) i feel like we're speaking a language only women understand, i cannot WAIT for more

madeline i don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but i am also a redhead and i have been following you since i was 15 (im almost 20 now) and you help me so much with my anxiety, ptsd, and depression. i truly love you so much. you have helped me in ways i can’t explain, being a comfort person who’s tik toks i play every single day. like you used to show people Tiny Jewish Girl, i show everyone you -a fellow freckly ginger too ❤️

33:35 made me so sad - Madelaine, you are truly so beautiful inside & out - and remember: your body is the LEAST. INTERESTING. PART. OF. YOU. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

This was so interesting, and you’re right, i’m so grateful for the insight we get as we grow older. Also at the begging of the episode couldn’t stop thinking about the song we’re in love- boygenius 💗 Friendship can be romantic and a fkn blessing but also friendships breakups are the most hurtful heart-wrenching sad thing ever

so proud of this eppy 💖🌟🏰

this was so lovely you guys are so sweet. you’re like my older sisters so as a 17 year old i really appreciate this and i admire your friendship so much. you make me a little more excited for life

Your guy’s deep friendship is sooo inspiring💗 Also just love the pod so far feels like a safe space to yap🥰

Im not in a relationship with an older men but I have had such similar feelings towards the man that I love and this is so.. eye opening. thank you for this.

i loved this episode, very hopeful, coming from a 20 year old woman struggling in life ❤️

thank you so much for like talking about this i just got out of 3 year long relationship with a guy 10 years older than me and i was 18 and now im 21 and realized this was not okay this episode made me cry ♥️

Your friendship gives me so much hope for female friendship in my 20’s!❤❤

I’m 20 and I really needed this ❤

thank you for this, really. i’m also having trouble with romanticising relationships with older people and this gave me a reality check this felt like my older sisters who I’ve never had talking to me 🤍