The Truth About Hiding or “Masking” Your Blindness… 

I've been reflecting on this video since filming it a few days ago and have realized that I think for me, at certain times, masking is a trauma response. I grew up being bullied for most of my life and I think I now subconsciously mask my disability in situations where I feel I might be a target again. Just some food for thought, in case that idea resonates with anyone else.

As an autistic person I’m so glad other disability communities are starting to use the term masking! It’s something every disabled person faces, and we need a word for this experience, so we can talk about it!

As an Autistic person, this is extremely familiar. Personally, I think anyone in the disability community can and should use the term.

One of my disabilities is chronic pain. I really do mask for it - I smile when I feel like sobbing. People become extremely uncomfortable when they learn I am in pain 24/7. They don't know what to say. Usually people question it and verbally disbelieve me or compare my disabling full body pain to an old injury they sustained. I just have to smile and nod along, because saying "no, we're not the same" only makes the abled person more uncomfortable. When another disabling condition starts to flare and I have no choice but to drop the mask, people panic, even if they knew the medical episode could happen. It's just such a frustrating experience to pretend like I'm "normal" just for people to want anything to do with me.

I think a line that’s crossed when I realize I’m becoming closer with someone is that they are able to tell when I’m masking. Like when someone shows a photo from far away and I pretend like I can see it. They’ll say “hey I know you can’t see that, just take my phone so you can” or “let me describe this for you” It is so nice when people help you get comfortable and say “you can just be, you’re safe with us”

😅😅😅 i saw the title and i was like "oop she be spilling our secrets". I hide my blindness cause i cant stand people saying " oh well my ___ is blind" or " well you dont look blind"

It is very similar if not the same as Autistic masking. It’s a coping mechanism to feel like a part of the community at large and sometimes to be safe! No one should have to mask, but we do. Thank you for speaking out on this issue!

I am a sighted person but I am losing my hearing and generally, I am away behind the eight ball in conversations and especially with background noise. I usually lip-read and hear but it gets me into trouble at times. Masking is something I do but until this video, I had no idea what that action was called. I also am losing my memory....total blanks but that's my life. Thank you for being an open and kind person who puts herself out there to teach, entertain, and love.😂❤😂

If a sighted person has a problem or issue with lack of eye contact from someone that’s blind or going blind, or even another sighted person, then they are the problem. Not the lack of eye contact. If they are unable to hold a conversation without making eye contact then that’s 100% a personal problem. Do what makes you feel happy and comfortable❤️

As someone in the Autism and ADHD communities, I love that the term is being spread to other communities; it makes it easier to recognize the struggles the entirety of the disability community faces and helps disabled individuals connect through shared experiences. For example, I often find myself masking even when alone at home because I was told not to do certain behaviors. After all, they make others uncomfortable. I also struggle with eye contact because it feels too intimate to lock eyes continually with someone to the point where I get physically uncomfortable. Still, it is something I learned to force myself to do for the comfort and expectations of others.

I am autistic and visually impaired. The term ‘masking’ perfectly encapsulates what I have been doing for the majority of my life, especially in terms of my neurodivergence.

I have ASD and I also masked. It was such a draining experience and I attracted a lot of toxic people during that time. I’m so glad I stopped masking a few years ago cuz I feel like I’m allowed to be myself and I can defend myself and don’t really attract toxic people anymore. I was trained to be an extremely shy girl who only talked about school-related stuff by my terrible spec ed teachers and they didn’t even treat me with respect when I masked. What a horrible thing to do to someone, especially cuz they had authority and were getting paid to help me. They really abuse their power!

Being someone who is legally blind but still has a good amount of usable vision, I sometimes mask in both directions. When I’m trying to be independent and don’t really need help, and also when I don’t want to have to answer the same half dozen questions for the 8 millionth time, I try my best to hide that I am visually impaired. Other times, when I know I’m genuinely going to need assistance I don’t let people know how much I can see. So many people don’t understand that you can still be visually impaired without being 100% blind, (which is when I start getting the “why don’t you just wear glasses/get Lasik etc.? ) so if they know you have any amount of vision at all, they figure you’re not really blind and don’t need help.

Being legally blind I have masked my disability at time throughout my whole life. As I have gotten older I have learned that it is really meant to be used for my safety and my comfort, not for others comfort. I think that just happens naturally as you get older and become more comfortable with being your authentic self. I remember getting really close to a menu that was on the counter and it was obvious to other people that I had difficulty reading it. The older guy behind had the audacity to tell I needed to get new glasses. This man who had no idead what vision issues I might have, felt he had the right to comment on something he knew nothing about. There is no prescription that currently exists that will help me see better but he wanted to assume he knew better. I turned around and replied that he needed to mind his own business. General I would ignore comments like this and feel bad that I didn’t stand up for myself but now I have zero F’s left to give about rude people’s comfort. The cashier behind the counter did everything she could to not laugh while take my order and he didn’t say another word. Don’t make comments about other people when you don’t know their story.

Wow this resonated... "just act normal!" is something I've been told SO many times, while not at all understanding what it was I was doing "wrong". I've seriously felt like an outsider and a failiure most of my life, while still somehow being "praised" for not "looking blind".

Very relatable! As a wheelchair user, I've never used the term "masking," because there's no hiding my chair. I'm actually a little jealous of people who have the option of hiding their disability, at least long enough to make a quick first impression. But I definitely do all kinds of things to downplay my disability! And maybe the term masking does apply. I can't pass as nondisabled even for a nano-second, but I can hide some of the details and full extent of how my disability affects me. I think all disabled people know the experience of centering nondisabled people's comfort, right?

Honestly I come from the other side. All my disabilities are 'invisible' and I feel like I will never get the help I want or need if I do not beg or show people prove. This is what molly said in the end when people do not see your struggle so you get no accommodation. Both are really sad feelings I suppose (since I don't know how it is with visible disability). These videos and your speaking carrier have inspired me to work in Diversity and Inclusion so other people get the help and support I never had. Thank you molly for all you do for the community 🥰❤️

Everyday. Everyday, people with disabilities have to mask who we are. If we aren't struggling, then we're normal. Everyone masks on a daily basis, yes. But the Disabled community has to do it to survive.

I have ASD and always wear a mask, but not with my family because I go to a college where we talk to people 24/7, which can be tricky. There are days when I have sensory issues so much that I have to turn off all the lights and put headphones on. I think everyone with a disability has these problems where we feel like we must act "normal"; otherwise, we are put down. Whenever I was in high school, I was taught that doing things I needed for my sensory issues was wrong. This meant that I would mask more In school, I would mask and be shy and quiet. Now that I am at college, I talk to people 24/7 and have to make sure I am making eye contact or my facial expressions are more than just my resting face. I am glad that other disability communities biased the Autism community are using this because everyone with a disability feels this feeling of hiding who they are because they are afraid. So thank you, Molly, for posting this!

Adhd-autistic with several other disabilities and I use the term masking and find your description spot on. I'm trying to learn when to mask and when it is safe to unmask. I feel there needs to be a balance of both in a health way. Aka like dealing with banks,or in professional settling masking helps get the task at hand done. Masking as a whole is exhausting though

I’m 30 years old and legally blind. I only just started realizing recently that I’ve been masking my whole life. I’ve always done it, so it comes as second nature, but it still takes a lot of effort. I almost don’t even know how the “real me” would normally act if I hadn’t always been conditioned to do it. I thought of another funny example… If there is ever a TV screen in the room (like in a waiting room at the doctor’s office for example) I always automatically look towards it and pretend like I’m watching even though I can’t see it. Ha! Thanks for sharing, Molly!

Thank you, Molly, for posting this very thought-provoking video. I’ve been legally blind since childhood due to RP. I spent my younger years pretending to be the sighted person I wasn’t. Back then I didn’t use my cane and I confided in a couple close friends who helped me hide my condition. It was exhausting but I pulled it off. Then in college, I couldn’t keep hiding my vision impairment. I got my first guide dog. Suddenly people started saying things like “you don’t look blind” or asking me how long I’ve been a guide dog trainer. To cope with this, my masking became how to look blind. I have very mixed feelings now about this chapter in my life. Thankfully, I can honestly say, I make a conscious effort nowadays to be myself and educate when possible. The main thing I struggle with now is talking about my favorite hobby-cross stitching-with others. They react to this with a mix of astonishment and admiration, as though I’m telling them I spin gold in my spare time. But thanks to modern technology (cataract surgery) and special tools (magnifiers and lights), I absolutely love creating art with my needle and thread.

As a blind person today, I agree with what you’ve said about when you were young. I try to be as open about my vision as I can, but for certain circumstances I’m either being more blind so people better understand, or try and not be as blind as I really am. Societal equality needs to be better to disabled people. I’ve never felt more seen than by watching this video. Thank you, Molly!

I have ASD I use the term masking also, you have a right to use it 💗

Fascinating video. As a wheelchair user, I never thought of masking as possible. But, the more I think of it, masking for me often takes the form of placing my legs in positions that are more appealing to able bodied people. In reality, my legs don’t want to stay in one place, but by placing and keeping them together, it masks my level of function. Thanks for this video. It was very thought-provoking.

I’m not blind but disabled with my health issues. I have masking behaviors too. I limp a lot because I struggle to walk but I often finding myself trying to walk as “normal” as I can so I look normal even though often times it causes me more pain to do this. When I walk in public I feel unsafe if I show that I’m physically disabled because I can be easily over taken so I try to ignore the pain in order to protect myself.

I'm autistic and was diagnosed as an adult. Learning about the idea of masking and how to reduce certain masking behaviors that were taking up so much of my energy was indescribably important in my mental health journey. I feel like if there is a word that other neurodivergent or disabled people can use to describe their experiences and feel empowered, then that's awesome. I think that it's important to remember that each community experiences masking is unique ways though. Ultimately we're all in this together and we need to be there for one another. Perhaps there could be different words used in different groups, just to make sure autistic people's experiences aren't being glossed over. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I think all of us who "mask" can relate to one another in some way. It's funny that some of the things you described are so similar to my own autistic masking behaviors

I’m hard of hearing and I will constantly go « Oh yeah, totally » when I already asked someone to repeat twice 😅 I know most people do that, but to me it’s basically everyday and sometimes, it comes off as rude 😬

loved this video! i am autistic and i definitely mask and have masked a lot. it’s so important for the disability community to talk about this!

I’m neurodivergent and while there are some significant differences I heavily relate to a lot of this. Sometimes it’s hard not to lose your authentic self in the pursuit of having your needs met.

As someone with an invisible illness I almost feel like I have to mask my symptoms or I’ll be seen as over dramatic because I don’t “look sick” and it can definitely be exhausting

I have some medical conditions and I definitely use making to make it seem like it affects me less than it does. To seem more ‘normal’. Even when I could use help. Everyday. Thanks for starting this conversation!

The term "masking" is used more frequently in recent years and becoming more common in vocabulary. All communities can benefit of term awareness ☺ I'm neurodivergent and live with mental health issues. One example of masking is staying physically present in a group conversation or using energy to maintain certain body language, when all I want to do is take a moment away to decompress, to rest my brain from over-stimulation, etc.

Thank you Molly for making this video. As an autistic person, I really related to how you make yourself feel less comfortable to make others feel more comfortable because they then treat you better or in a more humane way. (I do want to note that some autistic people cannot mask or at least not to the same degree, so my comments are coming from my personal experience). I think the blind and autism communities sharing the same term can help to spread awareness of the harms of masking, and also maybe help us to understand each other better :) I only learned I was autistic at the age of 23, so trying to unmask now and to figure out when I should even unmask has been really difficult and you sharing your experience of masking was very validating for me 😊

I was diagnosed with asd late in life (at 40) so masking was so second nature it's hard to know the difference. I'm slowly learning to show the real me and with that, grow more confident in advocating for myself and my needs. They go hand I hand.

This is so interesting, I have masked a lot as an autistic person, especially since I wasn't diagnosed till 18, but I've never considered how masking is for other disabled people. It is different than autistic masking (of course) but the core of it- trying or being forced to act in a more 'acceptable' way is the same. Although it's necessary sometimes it's definitely important to note how bad it is for your mental health long term. I dream of a world where nobody has to mask and everybody can be their authentic selves. Thank you for spreading awareness ❤ I'm also impressed that you put so much effort into eye contact, I struggle with that myself but I've found it's not as much of a problem as I thought, the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind as the saying goes ❤❤

Your experiences with eye contact are quite similar to what I experience with ADHD. I become very distracted/overstimulated when trying to listen to someone and make eye contact with them. It’s hard for me to do both at the same time, and it’s even worse when I’m super tired or didn’t take my medicine or the room is loud. I generally prefer to stare somewhere blank when listening like a table or the floor

I was disabled with an autoimmune disease and I tried to continue wearing makeup and dressing well when going out. I also found a wonderful hairdresser who gave me a great short stylish cut and color that people complimented on. I always said she made me feel and look normal. So helpful for my self esteem.

I think this is one of the most important videos you have made. As a person with moderate Vision most of my life and now low vision, I have masked to some extent throughout my life. At times people have encouraged me to do it in some way and other times people have made me wrong for doing it. As you said, there are many reasons to that are valid and I think it is an important conversation to continue having.

i've also been masking for years, and i appreciate you talking about this so much because its a struggle for disabled people thats not seen very much, and i think its good to talk about it. so many people arent the spitting image of whatever a "normal" person is supposed to look like, and no one should be judged for that. it just says a lot about society that they'd rather not see us at all.

I’m autistic/adhd/psychosocial disability and I’m glad ppl with other disabilities are finding the term ‘masking’ helpful!! We rly are all in this together 💪 And I agree that being too good at masking can be a rly huge barrier when it comes to accessing support!

I have ADHD and I felt it when Molly said, "it's exhausting and draining, but I do it to cope, I do it to fit in, I do it so people treat me better. I have often found making myself less comfortable is worth it to make other people more comfortable, simply so that they treat me more human." There have been times when I've gone out with family and I spend the whole time putting all my energy into sitting still and performing proper table manners, just so I don't get called out on having bad manners, that I come home feeling exhausted and sad because I didn't get to enjoy the experience at all. I wonder, how can we balance advocating for a world where disabled people can safely and comfortably unmask, with helping disabled people learn an (unfortunately) valuable survival skill in the ableist world we currently live in? I can understand my family wanting to teach me how to navigate a world where fitting in will keep me safe and allow me to access more opportunities. On the other hand, I wish they wouldn't perpetuate that ableism, so I could enjoy my time with them more. Thanks Molly for talking about your experience with masking, and welcoming others in the broader disability community to talk about their own experiences, so we can find how much we have in common, even as diverse as our experiences are.

Yikes! It absolutely sound exhausting! Thanks for sharing your experience and bringing awareness to this.

I am not blind but I am disabled and I can relate to this topic, I try to cover up my amount of disability, for safety reasons or because I don't want to answer questions about it.

The way Molly introduced the term masking, and how it’s been used in the ASD community was so respectful. As a person with ASD I really appreciated that 🖤.

Don’t worry about it girl. I don’t know of anyone on the spectrum that thinks the term doesn’t fit with disabilities in general. There are different types of masking even just within the autism community. It’s a behavior meant to hide your atypical behaviors. In some situations it might be somewhat necessary, in others it’s unnecessarily draining and can be unhealthy. It can be full on trying to hide the fact that you have the condition to begin with, or just trying to make it less noticeable. Having autism and a few different disabilities, I’ve definitely noticed myself doing it for pretty much everything. Sometimes something harmless like just trying to be less startling or intense for the sake of an animal or child, sometimes because I’m worried about peoples perception of me.

I feel like my blindness is pretty obvious and I don’t try to hide it because there’s really no point. The most I’ve done is try to minimize doing blindisms like eye-pressing in public. But it feels pretty much impossible for me to act like I can see because it would be immediately obvious that I can’t. I prefer people to know how blind I am because it influences how I interact with others and the environment around me and the amount of help I may need. Online interactions, on the other hand, are very different. Online I disclose my blindness very sparingly because I don’t want to get bombarded with questions or worse. I only do it when I feel very safe or I’m developing a friendship with someone I met online.

Note to self. If ever I encounter a person with a disability, tell them to feel free to be themselves and not hide their flaws because at the end of the day we're all human🥰

I’m autistic and I’ve never felt so understood and validated! Thank you! Some times it feels easier/less exhausting to just play along to not make them uncomfortable bc then I worry about the way they’re going to compensate for their uncomfortable feelings and that is more daunting than just masking.

I have an invisible and variable disability, so sometimes I can walk and act "normally" and sometimes I can barely get out of bed. I almost do the opposite of masking because people don't get it when I seem "fixed" suddenly, like they either think I'm making it all up or it isn't as bad as it really is. So even on days when I might not need my cane, I'll take it with me because having it is a visual cue to others that I'm actually disabled. Like, if I have my cane, no one minds giving up their seat on the bus, but if I don't, I'm going to either have to ask or get questioned about it and that's just too uncomfortable. I've had to find visual cues for people so they take me seriously when I say I need to sit down. That's just one example. I also just point out my symptoms a lot even if people can't see them. Like, I'll just say "I'm having really bad chills right now" or "my heart rate is really high" just as a reminder that even if I look able-bodied, I'm actually not.

My son is autistic and I learned very quickly that there are 2 main ways to go: embracing all of the things that make them, them or helping them learn to have socially acceptable behaviors and "blend". I went with the "blend" way, and while I think there is no perfect choice, it has worked for us. My son naturally adapted to being able to blend in and I cannot imagine how he would be treated at school had that not been a priority for us. Kids are SO, SO mean. They torment each other over the most ridiculous things. Luckily we kept a balance of not hiding that he is autistic, and being proud of it and not ashamed . Ultimately I'm glad we gave him a way to avoid potential bullying because of typical behaviors he had when he was young, but I wish the world was a more kind place so we didn't have to choose.

I totally hear you and love the spread of the term “masking” because it’s so validating to our experiences. I have multiple invisible disabilities, and when they become visible and flare up, I do everything I can to make them invisible again so I can continue to be treated equally. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it makes me hyper aware of what general society requires of us in order to be accepted and worthy of kind treatment. Sending big love ❤

As a woman with autism, masking can be a valuable tool, it can also be damaging. I’m trying to currently deconstruct my mask because that’s how I survived for so many year. It’s refreshing to be able to relate to other with different abilities as well. ❤️

It was really frustrating having to mask a lot when I started my disabled journey. But, now that my physical disabilities have progressed further and I'm not able to mask as much as I was, I'm finding myself getting upset and frustrated. I know it's not my fault, but it can be hard to realize that in the moment. Hearing you talk about both the pros and cons does help. Thanks

I'm a late diagnosed Austic person. It was such a light bulb moment after my diagnosis to realize I was masking my entire life. It wasn't a conscious choice and these past couple of months since being diagnosed I'm learning what is me and what was my mask to make me fit into society. Because like you, these behaviors were trained in or out of me by reactions or even direct comments from people. For the Autistic community a lot of people were actually traumatized with ABA therapy which was forcing kids to appear neurotypical. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic. I talk about unmasking as an Autistic person on my channel if you ever want to virtually stop by! ☺️

Hi Molly! Love your videos. ❤❤ As a member of a team that works with disabled kids at an elementary school (speech language pathologist) this is a newer way of thinking about what to do to help coming from a non-disabled person's perspective. Especially working with kids who can't necessarily understand or articulate what is actually helpful and what is just teaching masking like you said. I have been watching and sharing a lot of videos made by disabled content creators like yourself to learn and spread to others this understanding and start to change a prevalent way of thinking.

I feel so bad for you Molly. I can tell you're hurting. When I was your age, I really struggled with self confidence in dating and work. Young people are obsessed with appearance, and they're very judgemental. I was 20/200 for most of my life, but now at 65, I"m almost totally blind. I was ashamed to use my cane when I first got one, but now, I don't even give it a though. Frankly, I don't care what othrs think anymore. In my heart, I know I'm a good person. You're going to find as you go through your journey that there are a lot of nice people out there who will accept you just as you are. You won't need to mask anything. And if you do encounter someone who doesn't show empathy toward you, they're not worth knowing. The only othr thing I wuld say is you need to avoid situations where you culd be a victim of crime or violence. Never go out alone at night, and never use public trnasportation. I feel 100 times safer with Uber rather than being on a public bus. You are so beautiful, inside and out. The best is yet to come for you.

Another really great video, I myself have a vision impairment, plus a physical disability, but since both are brain related I can have days where I can see more than other days, as well as days when I can better move in my environment. I have cortical vision impairment, which is a brain related disability that affects my eyesight and in cluttered and crowded environments the picture often blurs together, where as in open spaces and Cleaner environments I can see more, it also depends on the weather and the sunshine, where as for my Right Hemiplegia luckily it's not quite as bad, after years of work, i do still struggle to walk sometimes though and I can't really use my right hand, I always tell people I have no feeling in it, but really what that means is the fine motor skills are numb, so I can still feel people when I touch them, but struggle to pick up a pencil or a fork, I have made a video on this in the past, but just wanted to share this because I found that things like boxing workouts stimulated the nerves and allowed me to temporarily get the feeling back in my hand. I can relate, after years of masking how disabled I really am, so many people focus on the vision impairment and not enough on how much work I actually did to appear as physical as I am and it's still a battle , constantly trying to appear more physically able than I am, while still trying to show people how independent I really am in the right environment.

As an autistic woman, you can absolutely borrow and use the term "masking" as a term in your disability vocabulary, and I'm so thankful you gave us credit! Its honestly amazing that even though my disability is a mental disability, I have found myself relating to you so much of what you said here, and what you say in your other videos about your blindness. I also want to take a moment to share in a moment of silence for every time someone says "you don't look blind!" For me, "you don't look autistic!" is always so painful because its always followed up by me explaining what masking is, only to be met with the neurotypical being angry that I don't fit into their preconceived notion and therefore, my autism is invalid. We cannot win if we are losing, can we? I see masking as survival. I also am at the point in my life where I cannot even consciously tell if I am masking half the time because I have to constantly present myself in such a way that feels like I'm being neurotypical enough. I have gotten ridiculously good at mastering social interactions and being a good conversationalist, if only because I'm painfully extroverted and a pretty good writer. I also find that humor has gotten me a long ways, but I think that could also be a trauma response just as masking is a trauma response. It doesn't help that my hearing is crappy and I have difficulty following conversations if we're in a noisy room or the music is playing too loud. I do feel like I can interject more of my unmasked self into conversations. But when push comes to shove, I always mask. And finally, I am constantly wondering where the masking stops and the real me begins sometimes.

Finally! The video I would make if I had my RU-vid channel! I only have some central vision loss, but I can relate to the moments where I have to act when friends show me a funny image or any other time where I just prefer to pretend instead of actually explaining to people and being vulnerable and making others uncomfortable… sometimes it is just better to act like you are like others to avoid the struggle. Also, I prefer not to share with everyone, because I don’t want anyone to take advantage of the situation

Hi! I am nd and relate a lot to what you are saying. I've also found myself doing things that take up way more energy for me but that spare me the energy of having the same conversation and stress over and over. If we ever end up meeting each other, I'm looking forward to avoiding eye contact and staring into a candle light together while holding a deep conversation. Thanks for sharing!

The world would be a better place if more people would do this and more people were willing to listen. It's all about understanding each other and being able to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes if even just for a moment. It never occurred to me that a blind person would have to put that much effort into masking. It has to be truly exhausting. I can relate in the sense that when I'm at work in retail every time I have an interaction with a customer I feel like I need a break because pretending to be normal as a Neuro divergent person can also be exhausting. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and feelings.

I have heard the term "masking" I obviously did not fully understand the term's full significance. As in, I never had felt that it was negative. My disability (depth perception) is not easily visible unless you observe me carefully when I am going up and down stairs or over curbstones. I use masking, to show (via eye contact, walking and the way I carry myself) more confidence and more purpose that I actual am feeling inside. I would never advise anyone with a disability or a difference to hide, as there are good people out there who could be available for assistance, IF needed.

I actually use this technique (didn’t know it had a name- I just called it faking) because I am hearing impaired since birth. It is EXHAUSTING to try to follow a conversation in a crowd especially with background noise like music. Even members of my own family don’t pay attention as they often accuse me of ignoring them when in REALITY I never heard the question in the first place! Because I have more hearing than most and have been blessed to be able to learn music, play the flute and sing, and have learned a second language as an adult, the perception is that I am NORMAL. The reality is, I am not like others. This has affected me greatly at home,work, church, etc. Consequently, I laugh at jokes I can’t hear, and smile and nod when I have no idea where the conversation is, and am embarrassed when someone accuses me of NOT LISTENING. Many times I feel alone in a crowded room and it sucks!

As a Service Dog user (handler) with a disability that is not obvious to the public, it is mentally exhausting to be questioned by members of the public when out shopping (not to mention the shop keepers who feel the need to question why the dog is with me after answering the questions they are legally allowed to ask). It is hard to go about your day and not appear rude when you don't wish to explain to everyone who inquires about the dog. What is his name? What does he do? How long have you had him? How old is he? How long did it take to train him? Does he get 'off duty' time or does he always have to work? Can I pet him? Why can't I pet him? Can I give him a cookie? Why can't I give him a cookie? Etc. Etc. Etc.

Hi Molly! I was recently diagnosed with Autism and it's been really interesting to look back over my life, especially now as I'm about to graduate high school, and see how it has truly affected me. The loneliness and isolation I've felt since I was a kid is starting to make sense and I'm noticing a lot of my behaviours that I think were masking, only I didn't realize it at the time. Honestly, I'm really grateful to my autistic friends who've allowed me to explore the more "abnormal" parts of myself without making me feel different. without them, I probably wouldn't have got my diagnosis. I love your videos, also! You're voice is really calming

I had terrible undiagnosed anxiety all throughout my childhood which made me super awkward in social situations. So, I would mask by appearing super confident and being giddy 24/7. At that time, I attracted a ton of toxic people and I had panic attacks every night. But then, when I finally got my my diagnosis and realized I wasn’t alone I stopped masking and it’s changed my life. I still do mask sometimes, but it’s less now than before my diagnosis. I know this is different than those with Asd or other mental illness, but I just wanted to share this ❤ sending hugs!

Molly, I'm so glad you decided to do this important video! I'm not blind but have hypersensitivity to light which causes dizziness. I also have chronic pain. It's exhausting having one disability let alone several disabilities and have to explain them all to everyone. I forget sometimes that I am not the person I once was. How can I expect others to remember so I don't get dizzy or need to move a certain way, etc. Thanks again for talking about this

As an autistic person this video resonates enormously with me, more than i could've imagined. Similar to you, everyday tasks require significantly more energy and effort to complete than for neurotypical/abled body people. The labels "high functioning" and "low functioning" are extremely frustrating to me, because they're based on people's perception on how "well" or "normal" I can do certain things and how i can present "normal". They never realize the tremendous amount of effort we put into looking/making it seem easy and "normal", this is the difference that separates us from neurotypical/abled body people. Something so trivial that they never have to think about, it takes us 5x more effort to do. So to tell me that I'm functioning fine is extremely invalidating and ableist. I've been trying to unmask around my close friends and in safe environments, but it's been really hard, because I feel this pressure of keeping up with the image they've made of me when I'm masking. In a way I have never appear completely "normal" (which I don’t wish for either), but I'm glad I have people around me that have accepted me for my quirky self and continue to accept me as I'm trying to unmask. Another reason I still mask is, as you said, for safety. When I'm in a situation when I know my disability could make me an easier target I will always mask as much as possible. Also, I agree that sometimes masking makes me feel better because it makes me fit in or makes people take me more seriously. In a way I don’t mind doing that in these situations, because even neurotypical do things and act a certain way to fit in, so I know this specific experience is shared by a LOT of people. I think out neurodiversity and different disabilities make us so unique and precious, we have to embrace those differences, because we all bring something different to this society, and we're all useful/meaningful in our own way:)

I've gone through most of my life masking, I have DID so masking comes very naturally. My own family, that I should be comfortable with, has no idea who I am. A few years ago I finally started being myself, and they were amazed and surprised that I was so "different." And I'm like, no I'm just finally being myself. It has backfired on me so much that I started masking myself and the things I like to the point I kinda feel like a husk.

As an autistic person, i have lived your videos for years related to certain things about having a disability, even though our disabilities are very different. I love that more people are addressing masking among many different disabilities. My masking I would consider to be social things. I feel like this was somewhat developed on my own by trying to fit in, but also being told by teachers and other adults that I need to do certain things to fit in society. Thank you for talking about this and spreading awareness and also mentioning autistic masking!

Thanks! For this video! I lost 95% of my vision in 2019 until watching this video I did not realize that I am asking about 95% of the time. When I get home after being out with friends or doing normal routine things I feel very drained and exhausted. But, what really gets to me is when people tell me I don't act or look blind. I just recently found your Channel in your videos are very inspiring and have given me a lot to think about and consider keep up the amazing work that you are doing for all of us❤

Yes! What you describe is so similar to autistic masking, and I’m so glad you used the term! I’ve heard you describing this throughout your videos for years and definitely think it’s an apt comparison! 💛

I'm neurodivergent (ADHD and possible autism) and sighted and I related to a lot of what you talked about related to eye contact. I also find it super difficult to maintain eye contact in conversation, especially when I'm talking. My eyes also tend to wander toward random stimuli. It's interesting how much overlap there is between seemingly unrelated conditions.

I’m so happy You put this out to the public! I struggle with Eye Contact sometimes. I honestly think none of us should care what society thinks of Disability. It’s already difficult that We live in a world 🌎 that’s not accessible for us and people who don’t understand that impact. That’s just how I personally feel.

As a disabled woman your age, born with spina bifida, I connect with this video. I was taught to mask my whole life through the reactions of non-disabled people in my life. It can be exhausting for sure

Hello fellow 🐝 I’m in my 50’s born w/Strabismus and developed amblyopia. Both of my eyes are very lazy. I wear corrective lenses and consider myself one of the lucky ones. I work in hospitality. I am unable to make eye contact with both eyes. My left eye is severely lazy. During my school age years, bullies would ask me who I was looking at. But today I work in hospitality. So for me, I get the occasional situation, where I say to a stranger/customer, “hi, how can I help you?“ And their response results in them looking over their shoulder as if I’ve addressed someone standing next to/behind them. It takes a split second for me to mask… At the moment I realize they don’t understand that I’m looking at THEM (it’s pretty obvious to me when they’re looking behind them or over their shoulder to tell that’s what’s going on😁) that, by the time they are facing forward again, I close my left eye, and simultaneously point at them, and gently say to them, “yep, I’m looking at you.”👉😉 Thanks for reading😍 I hope everybody’s having a great day!

I’m so glad you put this out I’ve been waiting for someone to talk about this!!!

I mask my disabilities all the time. People get uncomfortable when they realize how much I struggle. When I open up to people that my genetic disorder will progressively worsen, there’s this panic I can see and feel from them because they don’t know how to grasp the idea that I’m going to get sicker my entire life. It’s the same thing when people learn I am in pain constantly and have been for the past 10 years. It results in questions that I don’t feel like answering, comparing it to an acute, temporary injury they had, or pity, none of which are comfortable for me. So instead I use my energy to “look healthy” to avoid the topic completely. There are certain people I mask around, like one of my family members that always tries to suggest things she sees online to help me and I’m over it. I know she’s trying to show she cares, but I don’t need to hear about treatments that will never help me every time I talk to her. I stopped talking about my health with her and asked my other family members to do the same because it’s frustrating. And then there’s my brother, who has never even attempted to understand my battles. He told me I needed to try harder when I had to stop physically attending college due to my health and it hurt. I created a boundary with him that I am not sharing health information because he can’t be decent. Masking is exhausting, but so are the consequences of letting the mask down.

I couldn’t relate more! Thank you so much for doing this video. I have had Stargardt disease for almost 20 years and have masked it most of the time. I now have a one-year-old daughter, and find myself doing it even more. I pretend to be cited when I’m alone with her and we are out somewhere not only for my own safety but for hers as well. It’s incredibly vulnerable. But thank you for reminding me that it is good to find more moments where I can take the mask off. Thank you.❤

thank you for the video, its so good to find a loving community of people that have such similar yet different life experiences. I'm autistic and for me I've had to learn how to unmask. Growing up you're constantly told how to behave or you get bullied for being different and it just becomes a survival mechanism at some point. I never realized how much energy masking really took until I started finally being myself more often and it's made me a lot happier! Though I still have to be careful in some situations I'm over all learning so much about myself.

I'm on the spectrum and I welcome the use of the term "masking" for anyone who does it. Masking is disguising your socially abnormal behaviours or adopting socially expected behaviours in order to blend in and be accepted by the average people around you. For me it means holding eye contact even though its uncomfortable, concentrating way too hard on every social interaction that requires touch to make sure I'm doing it right, trying to make small talk even though I'd rather find a shared interest and spend the next half hour playing obscure trivia, trying not to stim in ways that I've been told are distracting to others or in ways that I've noticed are distressing to me when others do them, etc.

I have EDS and POTS, and I totally do this, too. Pretending to be "normal", because it's easier than trying to explain everything, making serious efforts to appear normal, such as walking correctly, smiling, doing whatever asked, not limping when in serious pain, doing my best to pay attention (or at least look like I'm paying attention), not using sunglasses indoors, hiding earplugs, etc. It takes more energy to do this, but oftentimes it's still easier than explaining, or being left out of something.

🙌 yes I feel this I mask so much as a blind college student with also ADHD …. I try to mask so much in the classroom. I put all my energy into trying to make eye contact with my professor because that what society says we must do … but it was not until last semester my professor said you don’t have to put all your focus on making eye contact just focus on listening!

When I was younger I masked a lot of my stims. I didn't know I had autism (just 10 + years I know I do now) and I think 3 years back I just was done with it. It is stressing me out and it drains my energy to mask everything. I am who I am now and I don't give a poop about anybody else anymore. Edit: for safety reasons, yes I want to stim more, but I wont because maybe someone can take that as an invite to "hey look at that stupid person, I can take her easily".

I have several neurodivergencies, things that are different from a typical brain, some examples are autism, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, all of which I have plus other things including some physical disabilities. I don't mind other communities using the term masking because it fits with so many things besides autism. The way you describe it here is pretty spot on. Although I do want to add one thing. You've mentioned it before actually, when you say you forget some people aren't blind and you'll do or say something that's specific to you because of your blindness and sometimes it confuses people. I do that all the time and, going back to being taught/trained to mask and the whole secret word at camp thing, sometimes I actually want people to say something. If I'm going too fast in some way or doing something that doesn't work in the environment for some reason, like if someone is trying to concentrate and my behaviors are a distraction, I don't mind if they remind me to slow down or that what I'm doing needs to be quieter or I need to find something else to do. Usually people are nice about it and it doesn't bother me. If I can help make it so everyone feels included and not be a problem, I want that. But some things I just can't help, like when I get sensory overload and have a meltdown. I can't fix that so I really don't want to hear anything about it.

Thank you Molly for bringing this up. I'm a 52 year old woman who has masking because I want to feel seen and heard. Being legally blind is so confusing for sighted people to understand. I don't like exploring myself to anyone, especially when it's obvious that u have a visual impairment.

You are such a good educator!

I'm late diagnosed autistic and for me the journey with masking was very illuminating, because I honestly didn't realize the extent to which I used to mask. I saw a creator phrasing it as "is not that I didn't know I was autistic. I didn't know other people where not". In the sense that we always just assumed everyone was constantly making those types of efforts, and that it was just the way things where for everyone. Sundenly you realize that, for ex, making eye contact is not hard for everyone, and "bum", "that's why I'm fucking exhausted all the time". What surprised me the most about your video was the way you talk about realizing you where masking, and it sounded very similar to my autistic experience with it. I would never have a problem about other disabled communities talking about masking, but I never imagined the experience would be so similar, because I connect not knowing that I was masking to not knowing that I was autistic at all. So I'd figure that, knowing you were blind, you'd always be aware about masking as well. So I found it fascinating to see how society's pressures can make you mask instinctively and not realize it. Hope you get a lot of lovely unmasked moments in your life. As for eye contact, it's not super likely that I will ever meet you in person, but if by any chance that ever happens , we can have long conversations looking at whatever we want to 😊

Tysm for thid video molly❤ really helpful, tysn for always educating us❤

It's hard as a parent to a young Neurodivergent child. At home he is free to be his quirky self, but social situations are so scary for me that I worry about him getting his heart broken too much too soon if he is bullied frequently for his differences.

I needed this more than I even knew. I do this all the time. Like looking t the tv when everyone is watching something and I cannot seee that far but I will fix my eyes on the screen no matter what

Love this video, really appreciate the insight. Also just love your top! It looks so comfy! Love that Henley/waffle fabric.

This is such an important topic! So many people have experiences with masking whether due to a disability, disease, disorder, etc. Thanks for sharing all of the ways it has affected you and what it looks like for you. I’m hoping I can be the kind of person who enables people to feel comfortable being themselves around me ❤

For me as an autistic person the term "masking" it is not just for the autism community it can be used in any sense. Like for example you're hiding how you really feel. Covering up parts of who you are. Finding ways to disguise certain things or disabilities about yourself. Trust me no one ever said it was explicitly only for the autism community. Love you Molly! ❤

I’m brain damaged due to a car accident. I’m visually impaired and have trouble with memory and experiences. I will never remember what I see, what I hear or what I’ve experienced. For the rest of my life. It is how you go about tackling the next problem or sometimes helping the next person see the solution to there problem. Thank you for being you. ✌🏼🌞

thank you for talking about this, it's such an incredibly important topic!!

Molly, your mention on how draining maintaining eye contact with the person you are having a conversation with can be (and is!) really resonated with me. As a person with "Attention Deficit [Hyperactivity] Disorder" I have a very similar experience: One effect of ADHD is that the input filter, that is supposed to prioritize the stimuli you receive for further "processing", is inoperative. As a result you get overloaded and distracted (akin to the small candle flame in the corner that you experience). Being in a social (or "party") environment is extremely draining and tiring for me. This means that I feel extremely uncomfortable in "crowds", especially if there are two or more conversations going on close by, and I start to suffer from anxiety that can border on panic. Thankfully I have not yet suffered a panic attack in a social setting, but I have come close a few times and it is getting worse as time goes by.

Thank you for putting words to this experience. It is something I do everyday and at times wish I didn’t but am used to doing it or just trying to “fit in”. I robot some encouraging the way you analyze the reason behind why you may or may not be masking. This has me reflecting some myself now. Thank you!

So relatable! I have extreme photosensitivity which can lead to myoclonus. With the increased prevalence of LEDs and flashing lights, I feel more isolated than ever. I can’t even use social media without the fear of some auto play video with lightning or flashing bike light ads. Seeing these intense flashing lights are painful and debilitating for me. Parties and going out is also a problem for me. Societal norms aren’t worth the pain anymore.