The truth about "pathological liars" 

Your comment brought tears to my eyes. Yes, dear, lying rewires the brain. I am so happy and proud of you: YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO CHANGE. God Bless you.

Ninki sofia thx this gives me hope i have this too

Is there a coping mechanism... I need help

I never thought of it that way but I can see how compulsive lying can plant memories into your head. I can't imagine false memories being good for you.

❤

I would agree !

If you let him walk over you, that means, you're not compassionate enough. Because it happens when you don't really care.

Sorry, I meant to type "don't really care about that person"... I'm only learning english. It is important to be aware of that peson's suffering and wounds, and it has nothing to do with being "soft" in my opinion. When you let the liar to "walk over you", you show how unaware about what's going on you are. And it also means, you're wounded too.

@@greatmeatball2978 YEH...THAT'S WHAT LIARS TELL THOSE WHO BEHAVE THEIR BEST TOWARDS THEM I.e. projection of guilt, also accuse them of projecting guilt, which is the best way to evoke guilty feelings.

100% agree. And also, if you simultaneously are 'not accepting their lies', then the 'cognitive dissonance' goes over the roof, and then...WHO IS WOUNDED??

Me as well, had me suicidal at a point. Stay healthy everyone. Please educate yourselves.

Gina888 SO TRUE! I'm running as we speak LOL

He gaslighted you. Even when u have proof they still lie and you begin to feel like you’re crazy.

You're describing a pathological personality. Ethics and morals do not apply for them!!! In my opinion they do NOT ceserve compassion because this puts even more responsobility and trauma on the shoulders of the victims. ;)

Gabrielle Angel-Valentine me too. 22 years of it & I'm done!!

Wings Of Steel same have that problem with a sibling.

@@poppybow3208 the amazing man is dead.

The Lord is the best therapist! 💕

But honestly what if they know to avoid the truth which they know propelled them to lie in the first place. Thanks for the video.

Well then maybe it’s time they learn it. They hurt other people.

Liar's should be on their own, or be with another liar. Liar's are never just Liar's, it comes with plenty of baggage.

They enjoy duping people. It makes them feel superior and powerful.

@Anthony Walter. I wish you luck with your ex. I would try speaking with her and see if she is onboard with the abuse ending with her and not passing it onto another generation. If she is, she should be willing to take parenting classes or see a trauma counselor or a family of origin coach that can help your family. In order to get the best outcome, I believe, that the two of you will need together as a cohesive unit in order to reach your stated goal and to raise a healthy child. Oh, don't about your future girlfriend/wife or her future boyfriend/husband, they also have to be of li mind. Whew! it ain't easy being a parent all we can do is our very best. Good Luck to you and your family.

Believe me, pathological liars are the worst. To make it worse, they believe in their own lies. Being in a relationship with one makes it absolutely impossible to believe anything they say, because even if you've got knowledge of the truth, they'll argue with you with so much confidence you wonder what the point of it is. I loathe liars, be it friends, family and relation and can always tell when iv met one, even if I don't point it out

I also wish you luck and I think that it is good that you recognize abuse had occurred yet still do not allow those repercussions to your ex to bleed into your life if she was unwilling to help you both. Yet, be careful. You sound slightly self-righteous as most of us are when it comes to discovering a more serious flaw like lying is in someone's character. If you can approach the subject of counselling, do so in the spirit of that you ALL go. [If your child is old enough - the counsellor may recommend 1,2, and 3 person sessions, I would hope - not just for your wife.] The reason I suggest you all go is because we can easily scapegoat a person (our own flaw) who has a known flaw and not see our own part in dynamics that occur regularly; these too can end up triggering the lying and/or the distrust, again. Counselling is insightful and helpful to everyone if you have the right counsellor. For now, let her loathe you, Mr. Truth, that will clear itself up with the counselling.

+CrowPowersActivate Think about it folks. If you have to lie to avoid conflict, what did you do to start the issue at hand? made out with someones boyfriend and said you didn't. Hey, don;t do it . Have to lie to be accepeted? sometimes, its best not to be, if that means becomingsomeone you're not. Who knows, doing what you love, you'll find a better place lies overall are bad and pointless

+M thanks for that wildly oversimplified contribution...

CrowPowersActivate its something much more complicated. Some people lie so much that they themselves belive it. They will tell a lie to make themselves feel better and when the truth eventually catches up them they hurt much more than the lerson they lied to.

That is breathtakingly naiv and scientifically wrong. The latest research on antisocial behavior in twin studies shows genetic factors are much more important than the environment to develop psychopathy. So psychopaths are not some poor hurt people, they are born predators.

Eizi Eizz his commitment was 7 years ago he wasn’t gonna have the latest info dumbass

@@serenitiebeall5525 I'm not going to support you calling the other person dumbass, but you are right in the sense that we have had advances in these people and types to FINALLY be reported on in The Not So sympathetic ways (that used to get assessed undeservedly as VIRTUALLY so-called INNOCENT victims or whatever

@@EiziEizz one of the worst this out there as this so-called "hurt people hurt people" crap. If you buy into that one and it's wilting shaming essentially to be a victim again, you'll be six feet under, way before you deserve to be

Amen, you're blessed and I'm so sorry your own Mother abused you. I have a daughter who lies and makes up things. I knew that her and I we're going to have problems when she got older. She was 10 when I came to this realization. She to this day now 36 stalks people on-line who she has resentment towards such as Elementary school teachers that are still alive. Classmates that wronged her, bullies her etc...etc... She also hates me and her brother's because they figured out what she does and the way she is towards everyone. She abuses her kids but litters the internet with her pictures of her kids as if she's there most best Mom ever. It's never going to stop. I had pictures of the kid marks and bruises and when my Granddaughter mentioned it her Mom grabbed my phone in a panic and erased them. Anyway we leave her alone and she lives about 60 to 70 miles away. We have now moved and we don't want to vote anymore so she doesn't know where we moved as in the past she has said that she was driving by our apartment. It's sick because she was so spoiled and not abused and my son's got the short end of the stick. We all get along in life as long as she isn't around. Last incident she swung on my gentle son after she pushed me down in the hallway. She then called the cops and said we ( WE) attacked her??????? No more dealings with her, she's mentally I'll and won't ever admit a problem or deal with it.

Seems all too relatable. I'm really sorry you had to experience all that. I strongly believe it must be linked to a form of sociopathy or narcissism. It's as though you get your life back if you are able to step away from the pointless drama and lies. It really eats you up and can affect a person more than one could possibly imagine. Hope you were able to recover. Best wishes

bullshit

but don't sociopaths also go thru childhood trauma first

Can you be a sociopath and not a liar?

@@peterlipman8211 no

I lied about being a sociopath

any updates ?

You cant

U cant. I had to divorce one. It affects EVERYTHING.

Christine Miller after a year has your situation changed for the better? If so how?

He's probably a narcissist

These lies are constant and not even remotely believable. Everyone notices it. It is so difficult trying to even interact with him. I feel awful for it but I often want to cut off contact... This person's compulsion to lie is SEVERE.

I also suspect he is a sociopath... He often openly talks about taking advantage of people, its as if he thinks it's an acceptable thing to do. What about compulsive liars who are sociopaths?

@@ijustrealllylikecats any updates ?

+Alex Klatt I like you :)

That's how we know that there is no "Kingdom".

Vic May 1. a liar is the last person i'd ever believe 2. the universe is ahuge place. weird things happen all the time that is sometimes misconntructed as luck Not to mention a human don't know anything or better, or this world wouldn't be crap. No sir. There is a kingdom of heaven . the proof is there for those who seek, and if you constantly insitc otherwise, your obviously an lummanity spy.

M A fleshly man cannot discern the things of the spirit but a spiritual man can discern all things!

Alex Klatt im still in practicing lol I rather be this than fallen, and I thank God im here at all. thanks for the words of wisdom :)

As Judge Judy says, "That has the ring of truth to it."

+gerlach This is not proven fact however, this is theory (not as in the scientific term as in observable assumption). Just like there is theory that psychological disorders can be genetically inherited directly via DNA i.e: mutation. The latter theory would thus make them the cause of internal physiological processes and independent of external influence. I do not mean to say that your theory is incorrect or that you do not have valid points and insight, just that this should be presented as just that and less impression given of medical diagnostic. I would also like to know what qualifications you possess to be giving out this advice and promoting this "teaching" of yours. I only ask as of last I checked the term "psychotherapist"; is not a licensed term nor is "therapist", wether or not it is preceeded with 'family', 'relathionship' or "trauma recovery". I do not mean discredit your years of experience interacting with and helping people with emotional and psychological difficulties, I simply mean to point out that it can be dangerous if people misinterperent your opinion as medical fact, particularly those who may need medical or psychiatric help.

+GleeDestructionFace Suggesting psychological disorders are based on genetics is as dangerous a concept as one could put forth. Firstly, in the face of the evidence that no psychological disorder can be predicted with any great accuracy via genetics alone, secondly in the face of first-hand accounts and observations tying childhood abuse to adult psychological disturbance. Lastly, there are those who can remember far back early enough to when, where and literally how they developed the personality traits that make up the basis of their disorder. To include genetics in the mix is only as fair as bringing genetics into the mix when discussing someone else's musical preference or vegetarianism. Not only is it reaching in desperation, it servers no good until such time as we know how to control our genetic makeup or limit what genes get passed on. My question to you is do you like RU-vid, or are you here purely due to the combined effect of your ancestor's food sources and environment - plus or minus the odd famine andr occasional plague?

+GleeDestructionFace He did start his comment with "IMO." That means "in my opinion."

+gerlach All thought is a lie , it pretends to exist as what it describes by adding emotion. People are just dragging mind/body feel finite shapes with resistance around them which obscure the bliss of infinite and transient consciousness. That is sad as the truth although may feel vulnerable maybe quite serene and joyously blissful. The system of competitive conditioning in education is the main core route cause of stagnant fragmented identities that create a troublesome world.

the bible said you owe the truth to god and nobody else.

Such behavior indicates the person has inherited psychological wounds from early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma). See shelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

gerlach and how do i motivate them to get help by themselves? they fear abandonment and are lonely in general

DjGoGo09 You cannot motivate her to heal - that desire can only come from he. Option - invite her to read this: sfhelp.org/gwcs/gwcs.htm.

i will, thank you

have you checked out symptoms of bpd? sounds like my ex!

Good insight.

I just got married and found out my husband is a pathological liar. How do you ever trust them again?

Your friend is probably a "Grown Wounded Child" (GWC) Here is perspective and options for relating to a GWC: sfhelp.org/relate/gwc.htm

Thank you

Dean Turner not everything is black and white or clear cut. If only life were so simple where people were clearly either good or bad. Unfortunately real life is messy. Bad people do good things and good people do bad things. Some people are damaged.

I prefer "stressful" to "pathological." The latter has negative connotations.

justaRandomhero compulsive lying has negative effects - and is cause by inherited psychological wounds: sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm

***** calling anyone a "pathological liar" is inflammatory and disrespectful. People lie because they feel unsafe, insecure, and/or inferior

***** I believe severely-wounded people DO harm other people because their wise true Self is disabled - not because they are "evil."

***** I don't share your need to believe in evil.

Her compulsion to "impress you" and to distort the truth are symptoms of having inherited significant psychological wounds from her ancestors. Typical "Grown Wounded Children" protectively "forget," minimize, or deny major early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma). Dysfunctional families often hide their dysfunction well because of shame, guilt, and fears.

A vast majority of my family members are " compulsive liars" . My family is really dysfunctional and there was a lot of abuse however i do pin the responsibility of the lies on those who tell them especially my parents who were extremely abusive and have demonstrated no care in their children and have taken a wholehearted selfish path ... My mom for instance lied to her boss who was representing her throughout my parents divorce about having dyfs cases against her for child abuse . She ended up losing her job because of that and she blamed us kids even though she was abusive and so was my father as well. My parents lie to manipulate how other people see them and they project a victim stance on whatever happens to them . I do hold them accountable for lying and then punishing us kids for those lies .

Esther Villegas,your lovely smile can make the news

Laura Silver,you look stunning

+Joe_Daddy_1975 I'm BPD male and what i always say is that BPD's are jealous and that defines the condition more than anything. Now perhaps women are different, and perhaps times of life makes a big impact, but when it comes to BPD I always say she cut you off due to jealousy (perhaps imagined - or likely) because she feared abandonment and wanted to make it her own doing before she was hurt by you, - and now is further upset because she's screwed herself up. Her sleeping around is also just a way of hoping to make you jealous, and could be some is invented or confabulation. Unlike narcissists or sociopaths, borderlines attachment is not dismissive or avoidant but disorganized... in other words she's damaged but not broken. She thinks that after two years you would not want to move on because in two years she has not moved on, and likely never will. When we attach it is with such an initial force the love takes a lifetime to dissipate. I like the example of Fatal Attraction... BPD brings an obsessive quality to intimacy. While a narcissist won't ever truly let you in to her heart, a BDP won't ever truly let you out. She's always self-harming so don't worry about it, if you ask me enjoying that makes up for the emotional chaos. As to your last sentence, you've got me. I ask myself that question not only with myself, but also with my ex who is a diagnosed antisocial PD and is imho a psychopath with diminished cognitive abilities all over the place. Her actions indicate she likely has no solid idea of who she is or what she wants - and so nothing she says subjectively is literally a lie. However, many online dating coaches remind us guys that love is supposed to be playful and we dudes are the woman's playthings just as they are to us and us trying to impose seriousness where it is not supposed to be ruins the whole thing. They may have a point, my ex is more likely to act out and then be dishonest when i'm not being cool, but when I'm trying to define the future too sharply. Bottom line is BPD is about fear of abandonment... not fear of attachment... and for you that's good news. Dating a borderline might be punching yourself in the face, but dating a sociopath is like putting a plastic bag over your own head while watching in the mirror, then waiting for the silence.

+N Silver My burden is heavy and so is her's I was keeping contact up until Dec 31st she was very slow to respond and full of excuses. I sent her a message January 1 and she has yet to say anything since nor have I messaged her in anyway. I drove by one Saturday night and her car was not there at like 10:30pm she has two kids and rarely goes out. She used this fact to rarely be available to ever see me and keep me on the phone texting and calling instead. I still love her and care for her... I don't think I am, in love with her at the moment. But I know that I don't want to just be friends with her so if we did speak it would get tense because she puts that handout to keep me back. Any other advise is huge!! I feel that if I contact her it will make me look weak, lonely & desperate when none of that is true.

Leave. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!?

From your description, I suspect your friend survived major early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma). Two common psychological results are excessive shame and reality distortion - including denial. See sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm

***** if you are implying I'm talking about myself then you are wrong.

*****​ I apolohize if i came off as rude, but by placing quotations around "friend" it came across as sarcasm to me. On contrary to your comment I am an overly trusting person in person, which can be a bad thing because people can use me for their personal gain.

Iiar....bahah jp. subconsciously you know your dealing with this (like most due within their social circle/relationships/family) and your search history relates to it in 1 way or another. Don't let it effect your presence but make sure you allow it to interject into your perception of others and how you perceive those you allow into your life... cheers

I'm nervous I lie a lot what do I do omg I don't know it

Sarah Turner study online "lesson 1" at sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm

gerlach (i am italian so my english could be not correct):" i am reding that people lie because they dont fell safe telling the truth, i agree. i lie to the bank, i lie to people i dont know to have sort of advantage etc etc.. but what about people that lie spontaneously? i mean, people that lie witout the somebody has asked them anything. my girlfriend is probabily one of these people (probably). i realized taht she lie often, but i dont know if she always lie. two months a go she came out of the blue telling that she is bisexual, i said :"ok,but this goes against my mental-sexual orientation, so goodbye as my girlfriend". than it took a month for her to come to me telling me that ita wasen't true. i say again, i dont know if she lies all the time (in that case i will stay next to her and make her feel safe)..what now i would like to ask you ,and i also ask my self, is:" how can be difficult for a person admit that he/she told a bif/lie, even when tell the truth can solve the situation immidiately? you should please make a video about how could be hard for a liar to admit the truth, beause somethimes we drink lies as true story, and it is hard for us to believe the eventulal rettifications

+Igor Menchetti Well, if someone tells you the thruth, and you then abandom them because their very identity, you are putting this person through massive psychological trauma. In order to escape this pain, she will lie to herself, deny her truth, because when she told you about herself, you caused tremendous emotional damage. Tryng to heal, coming back and telling you she is not BI, is a coping strategy.

How do I stop myself from distorting reality by wanting to believe the lies that are told to me?

+John T. Campbell genius!

f ing troll.

futbolita89742 ...what does autism have to do with this, shithead?

Hahaha we will never know! Big time helped me out though, I tell the stupidest lies sometimes and then feel like shit after, but I defo think its to do with my childhood or something along those lines

john t campbell, no, it wouldn't be funny at all. he was a good and loving soul.

Joe - sorry, no. sfhelp.org/consult.htm

IMO he has inherited psychological wounds from early-childhood trauma.

Cheryl Townsend,you look gorgeous!