Going out with friends without the intention of dating is great advice. I don’t remember having this much trouble in high school. All we did was have fun and it came naturally
Most guys fail because they have core psychological issues and conditioning that holds them back. Most PUA advice is just telling you how to imitate a non-needy guy who is comfortable with his emotions and desires. It’s like a nervous person trying to pretend to be perfectly confident, it’s too difficult, you need to resolve the core issues.
Yep Agreed completely - It's hard, when I make videos about the psychology side of things for guys, people don't want to watch it, they just want the pickup sizzle.
you only need to find one, but having high numbers helps a lot. ...which is the problem. You can't even get your foot in the door without a big enough sample size.
One reason I'm failing is that I'm a little too picky. I'm 6'2 and east asian. I get enough interest if i look in the right place. Most women who are very receptive to me, I just don't find attractive enough. One thing that makes failing easier to tolerate is that I have decided I would rather be single than settle.
I saw one of your videos having a podcast with women and when I saw how soft you were being with there wrong answers, i didn't think u were worth listening to, but after watching this, I have a changed prospective. Good stuff man👍 Extremely hard to come across anybody who thinks through a stance and not only walks you through the thought process, but also stands on it
The trouble I often run into is that rather than trying play 'gotcha' with women, and catch them out and make them feel bad - my goal is to find the truth - and to give them a chance to speak waht they feel first.. It's much softer, and less satisfying, but I also think it gets ust ot the point of change much faster.. How far would a radical feminst get changing your mind by trying to beat you over the head with what they believe to be the truth? Opposed ot letting you talk yourself out, and discussing with you while remaining open minded themselves?
@SchoolOfAttraction I get the fact men can't speak plainly to most women because most of them are to childishly emotional and won't hear you after they *feel* offended, whether it's true or not. I don't blame you for your approach to "helping them"? (Idk what ur end goal is) I just hate all the waisted time, and I couldn't tell if you were one of those people who just try to make "women feel heard" to get laid n paid, or one of the real ones, at first. I just want to know the situation I'm stuck in, I'd much rather have sombody tell me "hey, everybody around u has a knife and is waiting to stab u while ur back is turned" Than to have sombody tell me" hey, everybody loves u, don't let anybody tell you different *as some guy sharpens his knife in the background* I'm going to suffer, I'd much rather know why, than to have sombody lie to make me feel better and ignore the problem, while I'm suffering. It's exhausting. Y did I Wright all this? I don't know. Have a good day and thank you for speaking plainly
Yeah regarding the 'knife' reference and directness... I think this is where redpill/mgtow is flawed even it it's attempts to be helpful "Hey everyone has a knife" so to speak.... Because in reality humans are complicated, dating is complicated - our reasons for doiing things are complicated. In the one universe where a husband loses a lot of money, multiple things can happen to cause relationship failure 1) She was a gold digger and leaves becasue he doesn't have money anymore (His fault largely since gold diggers aren't so hard to avoid) 2) He feels insecure about the loss of money so he begins to complain a lot and becomes moody and temperamental thus destabilising the relationship 3) He feels insecure, and starts picking on her faults as a way of deflecting his own guilt 4) The mental condition of "learned helplessness" kicks in - he loses his mojo - which is okay for a few months, but slowly she's losing respect for him, not becasuse he lost money but because he isn't picking himself back up and getting back into the fight - on top of this, other pre-existing problems in the relationship become more obvious as his helplessness and her slowly dwindly respect grow and eventually they fall apart. Those are just 4 possible scenarios... There are 100s - You can't just say 'women are hypergamous' so you gotta have money or they'll leave you "aka all womken have kives" - the truth is nuanced.
Not gonna lie the past year on dating apps has been depressing as fuck. Had a few short things with some women but overall its just 99.9% of the time being rejected by everyone. Ive noticed it started to kinda affect my self asteem so im gonna hop off for a while.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yeah true. I also sometimes have a good streak and its kind of addictive because it does feed the ego when you have some succes with women even but when its a kind of meaningless relationship that does not lead to something more serious you allways feel a bit emty afterwards. And when that good streak ends and you suddenly struggle to find any good matches or any at all yeah it fucks with my mind for sure. But the fix is just taking a break from it
Hey ,i agree with everything you say, but for me, this journey took more like 2 and a half years, putting everything into practice,and CONSTANTLY getting results,until that momment when you REALLY start believing in yourself, almost like in the Matrix movie. Direct Honesty Super High morals Bieng anti fragile non emotional. Bieng oneself is the easiest thing,although i still track myself on a minute by minute basis of what my body language,voice tone and speed is broadcasting sub-conciously. I do not think i will ever be able to turn that off now,knowing what i know.
I've long found it curious how hard it is for us, all of us, to REALLY be ourselves in front of others - it's oddly one of the hardest things for almost everyone to do, we always end up subconsciously putting on one mask or another. I still have to work on it - ESPECIALLY in my youtuve videos
i would say, the biggest thing to work on is your confidence and all the little insecurities and fears we have carried, it's just a conditioning of how we see ourselves. However we can change who we are by working on ourselves. The difficult part is this takes awareness. It also comes down to attitude, the only way to grow is to take total responsibility. The more you push your comfort zone the better feedback you will get that contrasts who you use to be. And not just that it's difficult because when your facing your fears your also going to have things come up that have been pushed down over your life. Facing rejection isn't easy but it does help us to grow. Its about becoming better each day. The easy part is all the information you need is out there. It's taking the action that's the hard part. Eventually you will get to a point where your happy with who you are. And this will show in your energy field. Which is your magnetic attraction. I think hes sri lankan btw
This have fun advice probably works if you're approaching someone conventionally attractive (which I'm sure most of your clients will be into) who might just laugh it off. I'm plus sized and if I pick up that the dude and his friends are joking, I'll just stop speaking and leave. Maybe that's my own childhood trauma of little boys joking that their friend likes me then running off snickering. However, you come into the interaction as a whole person with experiences, preferences, etc and so does the woman. Be mindful, be willing to pivot to other strategies depending on the person. I prefer a serious and straightforward approach. For example, at a bar just smile, introduce yourself with your real name, offer to buy her a drink. That's all you need to do... She'll accept or reject the offer. Your friend shouldn't be involved at all until we've been chatting for a bit and I feel comfortable with you. Would you want a gaggle of women around me as you attempt to approach? I thought not.
The typical Bar and club conversations can feel so artificial at times. I think there's a serious lack of social situations that make people feel more comfortable having genuine conversations. The birthday party is a great example where everyone generally is having a good time and you can also have great conversations.
There is a really important aspect missing in this video: Your level of success is limited to the talent you have. Yes you need to put some work in but your talent is a much bigger determining factor. Very few people can reach grade 8 piano even if they practice a lot. No piano teacher can fix your pitch. It's what you were born with. For dating the most important factor is how you read emotions and social situations.
I will admit, I sometimes still feel like an incel despite having a girlfriend, probably because I feel that my 20s were a waste, didn't have a serious relationship until the beginning of my 30s. It causes me to envy and resent couples out there younger than me, people who got to experience having a serious long-term relationship before I did and yes I know people will always say comparison is the thief of joy or don't compare yourself to others. But I believe it's always has been and always will be part of the human psyche, been that way since the beginning of time to feel upset and depressed when you feel you are not part of the norm. Because of that I feel like a forever permanent incel for all time, even when I did manage to get a girlfriend. So yeah even while I did have a girlfriend, I still felt like an incel. I don't see myself ever getting over this, it will be a pain and wound for the rest of my life. And I'm not afraid to admit that there have been times over the years I have hated being born male, because I know I'm not the only guy in the world that has this mindset, that men have to do everything in dating and relationships and seduction. Yes I know tons of people say what's the point of being angry and depressed over what didn't happen in the past or not? Well I'm entitled and I have a right to my mindset, I believe it's always been part of human nature or just the human psyche to always be sad and depressed or angry and resentful over good things that they wish happened to them in the past but didn't. I know I'm not afraid to admit I have had these thoughts, and I'm sure other guys have thought this way, we feel that if we had been born a woman, we would not have been single that long. Probably because women just have to exist and they are guaranteed attention and options from Men, that requires no skill or no social dynamics, no game or no seduction. One person I remember I heard said that women need game as well which I thought was the stupidest thing I ever heard. So ya I still feel like an incel for all time despite managing to get a girlfriend eventually, and I still get irritated and annoyed whenever people and society say that men have it better than women do in the human mating game. I get annoyed when people say go see a therapist because it's not like a therapist can reset my life or have me start my life all over again. I spoke in a few other guys who feel the same way in regards to being forever angry and upset, sad, over never having had a girlfriend until later than normal, until late in life. Probably because guys and men to learn and know all of these skills, all of these social behaviors, talk and behave a certain way, act a certain way, walk a certain way or have a certain lifestyle, have a certain body, certain income, and more than that which I either don't know or forgot. Women are pretty much basically all set for just being born and just existing. Because being pretty and beautiful is not a skill and it doesn't require any learning, it's not a behavior that takes training. It just really feels me with anger and rage whenever people and Society have the mindset or still think men have it better than women do in dating or just human mating in general. I'll never forget what one guy said and this only added fuel to fire in regards to my anger and rage about the cards on dealt with for being born male. "Boo fucking hoo. We also don't have to go through child birth and we're strong as fuck. Testosterone gives us ambition + mental and physical strength that MANY (not all) women are lacking. Being a man has many benefits and with great power comes great responsibility. Stop crying about it and get your fucking shit together" Let's just say that pissed me off even further, got me so mad, that its no appropriate for me to say what was going through my mind when i read that comment that pissed me off even further. Yes I know there's no such thing as fairness but I'm not afraid to admit that over the years in my life I've hated being born a guy or I just feel that it is unfair being born a man. Yes I'm aware there's no such thing as fairness, I just get very angry and enraged whenever people and Society still think men have it better than women do.
I understand that dating and attraction is hard. However, it feels impossible for average men who aren't 6'3 and well built that makes decent money, especially with the heightened standards that women have these days. However, as you can see in Troy, everyone has a weakness, even the well built 6'3 guys that make decent money that many women flock over. What weaknesses do they have that average guys can some advantage of in dating?
How are you going now Jack? It's nice knowig that there are a load of other guys in the same boat, but I'm used to success with most other parts of life, pretty good looking guy and people generally like me and enjoy my company, however it takes forever to find a girl with a mutual attraction with, after my first marriage where I did kind of settle as I was so tired and burntout going on so many dates with attractive woman and it was killing my self esteem, but that marriage ended in disaster due to the fact.
Solo approaching is just a nightmare mate, cant handle it. Cant even approach single one most of the solo time. But much different with a wing/coach. Any advice? Indirect warmup - gradual warmjp etc not easy too
I mean, it's hard on your own - for anyone - It's always better to find some guys to go out and practice with - Have you considered using bumble bff to find some wingmen to go out with in your area?
@@SchoolOfAttraction hey man thx for reply, big fan of your geniune content from Turkey. Okay i will try that one, but here in Turkey guys are very distant to cold approach and there are so few them who are doing this here. Which is a bless actually but not good when it comes to look for some company. I have also a little question, I heard you said Photofeeler is a good start but not perfect but couldnt find you mentioning any better alternative. I had some photos rated very good(8.5 for attractiveness for example) but not getting any matches on apps after the initial boost. Maybe they lean towards frendliness there and missing masculine side I dont know. Do you have any better alternative? Also do you think age filter for voters makes any difference there? By the way can we schedule single online call session with you? I couldnt find any info on that
Hey mate, so there aren't any specific better alternatives to photofeeler - but yes it's a blunt instrument.. On top of overall rating, you have to think about what the photo suggests about your personality, how it fits in with the rest of your photos, how your photos all together tell a story about your personality and a whole bunch of other things too. Asking female friends for feedback is also useful to combine with photofeeler. We certainly can make a time mate, send me an email if you like - damien@schoolofattraction.com.au
12:59 that's your argument of having low lay count? i more believe more lay count mean more experience, and dating couches should have compeition within 30 days how many people they slept with? 🤣🤣
That's very different to looking for lifelong lay count... Once someone is in the multiple 100s I don't think it really matters anymore - you have the experience. Also having met dating coaches who are also sex addicts, I don't think this is healthy for men.
1) there is no way to prove it, what is stopping him from declaring he has a 4000 count if he wanted to? How do you know someone’s count is true? 2) even if it’s true, quantity does not equal quality. If one guy has a count of 100 and the other 3, according to you the former is a more trustworthy. But what if the former just blindly approached 10,000 women and slept with whoever would have him, and the latter only approached a handful and had 3 long term relationships with supermodels. Clearly the latter is more impressive and probably has more to teach.
