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Love this topic as someone who has been parentfied. I’m actually curious if you could do a series on parentification and how those childhood patterns affect adults in their relationships (romantic or platonic)
I'm just commenting as a divorced parentified person. After my divorce I date this guy (who parted ways amicably because we wouldn't work long term) and it took me a solid 3 months to be like.. wait I think he actually like and respects me. I was just dating assuming everyone was using me but I was "testing" out my theories. I learned so much from that and now dating my boyfriend who has a lot of similar qualities.
I would love to see a video on Gale. Ive always wondered what a relationship between him and Katniss would have looked like if the games had not intervened. In the beginning they seem so similar, but by the end they seem so vastly different it's hard to even imagine them together.
Yes, I've been wondering this too! Sometimes two similar people can be a disaster as well especially since both of them are in acute survival mode and don't seem to let their guard down often.
Would love to see a breakdown of Katniss and Peeta's relationship. How it starts, grows, what they learn from each other and especially how it's impacted in Mockingjay. Haymitch is also such an interesting study!
I’m listening to you, breakdown Katniss, and thinking in my head “Why is she coming for me like this?!” 😅 This was me for years, and after several years of therapy, I am so much better, but still struggle at times with putting everyone else first and neglecting myself to the point where it starts to do harm to me.
Would love to see an examination of how people can become desensitized to violent media or othering & the way even characters in the Capitol who are portrayed positively are participating in the structure of the Hunger Games spectacle.
Oh, when you talked about the frustration you had with Katniss over her just not being able to comprehend that Peeta could actually love her because she hasn't worked for it so why would he... *clinches fists* I felt that. It's been a while since I read the books but I remembered having that exact feeling. Also it would be nice to have an actual therapist breakdown Gale. People hate on him way too much because he's the 'other' love interest but dude has his own trauma, albeit more subtle than Katniss or Peteta's, that I believe dictated a lot of his reactions and actions towards Katniss and the war. I would really like to get a different perspective on him.
Hey Steph, I just finished my second watch of your Twilight videos, and I loved them! I actually recently read the hunger games books for the first time and it's certainly easy for me to see why Katniss is so bitter towards her mom. I'm pretty sure you can't really help being depressed (without medication that is), and I cannot imagine the pain of losing the love of your life, but Katniss's mom definitely should've/could've been there for her kids. It's great that she's making an effort by the time we the viewer read the first few chapters of the hunger games, but by that time Prim is so used to Katniss being the caretaker, that she goes to her to comfort her after a nightmare and not her mom. Katniss *does* recognize the fact that her mom's trying, but she's been the caretaker for so long, along with her having to constantly be on guard considering where she lives, that it's really difficult for her to just step back into the role of big sister. There's a show on Netflix, Manifest, that I think did a great job of showing a child starting to be parentified but thankfully didn't have to be. For people who don't know, in the beginning of the series, there's a family that gets separated and the mom and her daughter think their husband and brother have died. Like Katniss's mom, the mom here falls into a depression, but once she notices her daughter got hurt making breakfast for her, she pulls herself out of her depressed state telling herself that she still needs to be there for her daughter. Anyways, personally I'd love for you to go over Haymitch he's such an interesting character!
I love your perspective and breakdown of Katniss. I didn’t realize how much I related to the character and her traits until seeing this. Parentification really takes a toll on child development and it’s really good to see this breakdown in relations to media. I think you should do a blind reaction to the movie and do further breakdowns of other characters.
i lovedddd those books so much as a preteen, it is crazy to hear your breakdown of it and to realize in a deeper way perhaps why I resonated so much with Katniss as a heroine. suzanne collins really did something with these books! great video! i would personally love an analysis of effie as she is my favorite character from the series.
I would love to see a character analisy of Peeta. When people talk about him it's always about his relationship with Katniss, but I think it would be intresting to hear how his household and his life shaped his personality.
There is no way you posted this, around a couple of days ago I discovered my parents are emotionally immature as I moved back in with them to afford college. This was so helpful! Thank you so much ❤
14:42 this part right here gave me SUCH a lightbulb moment for understanding myself as a client and counselor in training, thank you! I think this is why person-centered therapy calls to me so much
Wow. What a great video. I have recently read the books and watched the movies again. It's interesting to see how my perspectives changed on the dynamics, relationships, and characters of the story, compared to when I was in my early teens. I think before, I interpreted Katniss reluctance to have/show romantic feelings towards Peeta as her possibly being asexual. Whether it be Wattpad, bookclub, etc, a lot of fandoms heavily focused on sexuality, and I was no exception to contributing to that discourse. But I as read the books as someone in my early 20s, I can see someone that was dealing with emotional wounds, parentification, and overall lack of physical/emotional safety. Coming from a household that she had to run because her mom was emotionally disengaged, a district that was in poverty and severe food scarcity, and having to basically go through combat with no formal training with odds of winning was slim to none, then after winning, being the poster child for an ongoing rebellion (something she did not want in the first place), and having to go back into the games as punishment by the President, all while suffering from PTSD. And this isn't even half of the stuff she has endured. We need to give her more props for what she and all the other tributes, district members, etc have gone through. She's a multilayered character that despite everything, was able to have and experience love and a life of her own at the end. (PS , as you can tell , THG is my favorite series)
I'm so curious about how my thoughts would have changed if I read it as a teen first. I love hearing your new perspective and your original perspective as well. Thanks for sharing!
So happy you’re doing this series! I think videos breaking down the different attachment styles in the books would be interesting, or a break down by book like you did with twilight would also be a great watch.
I think Haymitch is fascinating, going from being in the games during the second quarter quell to hating and giving up on their society and turning to drinking.
I loved your food for thought about people who are "self-sacrificing" to a fault like Katniss. I of course think that caring for others and serving others is admirable, but I think a balance definitely has to be struck. I have a strong sense of empathy and a lesson I've been learning in my own therapy sessions is making sure my own cup is filled before I try to pour into anyone else. This has helped me set and keep boundaries in my relationships and has also made me feel more present and motivated to help/be there for the people I care about. It also makes me feel sad when people (either in life or after they passed) are only praised for how much they gave to others. Being "selfless" was the best or only notable thing about them. Were they funny? Were they smart? Were they creative? I think being caring and compassionate is the best thing someone can be, but it should not be the ONLY thing that some is. If that makes any sense. Your videos always feel so insightful, no matter what you're covering! I enjoy every single one.
Definitely gotta talk more about Peeta and Katniss’ relationship and how long it took for them to get to the place they are because of all of Katniss’ trauma. I also wanna hear your take on Snow (idk if you read or watched the prequel yet but that might help too). Like do you think he was always destined to become that way or did the society he was in mold him into a sociopath?
Love the video! I think we definitely need an analysis on Haymitch. Unfortunately the films don’t give ton of background but I’ve heard the books do? I never read any though because I didn’t wanna be that person that gets upset when they take things out of the film vs the book😂😅
Your videos are such a bright spot for me and even more of a treat when it’s about topics like this that I LOVE. Viewing some of these concepts through the lens of a story I’m familiar with really helps all of it be more digestible for someone who isn’t dealing with these terms and concepts day in and day out! ❤
I would love to her your thoughts on Peeta, he is my probably my favourite character, not just in the Hunger Games series. What I find most fascinating about Peeta is his moral compass. What makes Katniss a great protagonist is that she isn't the stereotypical heroine. Peeta on the other hand shows more of those stereotypically heroic traits, at least when it comes to his mindset. I often think about how the unsafe environment that Katniss grew up in didn't allow her to think about something as abstract as morality. Peeta on the other hand, while still having a hard life in District 12, seemed to have had his basic needs met in a way that allowed him to do so. I am wondering how this relates to concepts like Maslows Hirarchy of Needs. Peetas kindness towards Katniss especially in Catching Fire never ceases to amaze me. Despite everything that happend he cares for her so deeply and actively takes care of her. What I find so refreshing to see is that his care seems truely genuine and he never expects her to feel the same way. I admire those qualitys about him especially considering how young he is and that his upbringing was also far from ideal, as far as we know. His mom was emtionally and physically abusive and he doesn't seem to be particularly close to his family, to the extent where they are barely mentioned beyond the first book.
So interesting! Great coverage on parentification with Katniss. As a single mom of grown daughters I see myself in Katniss & a bit of her mother when it comes to feeling relief when my kids were finally old enough to do many things on their own. I still feel shame to admit I did have moments of resignation adding pressure to my oldest child’s role to take on more. It’s so subtle and unspoken but every now & then I let her take charge. Whew I’ve def apologized to her for that & other things as we go through therapy (individually) and periods of self discovery. And she’s so gracious, so self sacrificing that it breaks my heart. At 43 I’m doing my best to make her feel safe. She’s only 24 so she can definitely rely on me.
Wow this is so well done. I love this. Also I relate a little because growing up low income with my mom being a single mom, I got a job young and paid for my own things to help out…. And caught myself parenting my sister lol.
I'm so glad that you think so! Thank you! I think it's natural to take on some responsibilities as you get older as long as you don't feel like you have more responsibility than or equal responsibility to your parent.
This commentary is all well and good, but with Katniss’s mom, this makes a huge assumption that therapy is available, which in a dictatorship that wants to keep the poor poor, is absolutely not. I have a feeling if it was, Katniss would be dragging her mother to therapy. Her mother has every reason to be depressed due to what I mentioned above.
Omg this video spoke to me insanely having two emotionally immature parents. Taking on the responsibility of providing and supporting my own family/parents emotionally and financially at a very young age and still is a feeling that is very hard to describe ! It can feel never ending. And it does not always impact every child in the family the same, sometimes it really is just the one who is expected to carry that load. I feel seeeeen 🩷
Jonathan Decker has a great quote, I think, on the healthiness of self-sacrifice (especially as it pertains to relationships): "Putting someone else ahead of yourself can be beautiful, putting them instead of yourself can be dangerous."
Analysis of Peeta would be great. Peeta has so many admirable characteristics. He seems to be a great role model (and the opposite of toxic masculinity).
His parents interest me too, I know we basically never really see them. But book wise we know his mother is very horrible and abusive, and his dad is nice and quiet but he seems more passive as well. It was always interesting to me, that after they won the first games Peeta lived in that victors village house alone whereas Katniss lived with her family. I wondered why, because even if it’s about working at the bakery, you’d think that surely someone would be willing to stay with him so he’s not alone after all the trauma he went through and also losing a leg and becoming an amputee as well.
Katniss is one of my favourite characters in fiction. She's flawed and tries to find content despite her trauma, instead of getting some magical fix that gets rid of or 'fixes' it. I liked to see how trauma has shaped her life, affects her choices and relationships, and directly influenced her beliefs. I love that she doesn't get a picture perfect happily ever after, and that she is as frustrating and emotionally guarded as her upbringing forced her to be. Also I love that despite her walls, survival mode, and general desensitisation, she remains empathetic. Also, the moment I started liking Katniss was from the first book. When Effie made comments about how uncouth near-emaciated children were to eat food with their hands, and Katniss was so pissed off that she ate with her hands and wiped her fingers on the table cloth. I knew from then on that this was a character I could get behind.
Im a parentified child with a disengaged mother and an absent father. I was the only one to feed, bathe, dress, play with and generally look after my little sister. Its been 15 years since i moved out of my parents' house. I've got my own daughter, and I regularly catch myself calling her by my sister's name because my role in their lives was/is so similar. I was 11 when my sister was born, and 18 when i moved out of the house. I still have a guilty concience for the poor childhood i gave my sister and the guilt of moving out and leaving her behind. She had thoughts of ending her own life as a teen when i wasnt around. (I studied abroad) She had no one and suffered from neglect her entire life. Now I give up so much of myself to please others, especially my sister and daughter. I'd love a video about how to find a balance between self love and sharing love ❤️ also on how to forgive my parents. They ruined our childhoods I struggle to show them any affection or spend any extended time with them. I moved 6 hours away from all of my family and friends just to avoid them. My sister moved with me, but our parents dont understand why and want to keep in contact. Especially after my daughter was born 😅
omg this happened to me. I'm married now with my own family and I constantly call my daughter my little sister's name. I never heard someone else say this.
I've been reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents so the timing of this video is serendipitous. It must be a sign that I need to join your bookclub 😊
I'd love to see a breakdown on Katniss after the games too, especially the signs of PTSD she's exhibiting during the third novel. Any of the other tributes would offer a lot to talk about - Joanna, Annie, Finnick, Haymitch and Peeta all have a lot of traumas to unpack. Peeta's psychology in the third novel would be interesting to discuss, but even someone like Snow has a psychology worth exploring. In some ways, Katniss and Snow have common ground but, where Katniss learned empathy from experiencing poverty, Snow learned self-preservation and sought power, at all costs, so he'd never have to experience want again. I look forward to future Hunger Games videos, whether you focus on the books, the characters, or some mixture of the two. I loved your Twilight series, and couldn't click fast enough when I saw you'd done a Hunger Games video.
Being a self sacrificing person in my opinion is a bad quality. As someone who has been parentified and had to make sacrifices for my family, most of my friends and roommates have taken advantage of that trait. Everyone loves someone that is willing to help them but will not do the same in return. It would be a good trait if you could guarantee that you have good people in your life but that has not been my experience.
Ugh over and over again. I used to assume people would reciprocate because that’s how I am. News flash, most don’t and I needed to understand people aren’t the same lol - so much given including time, emotion, money. Not happening anymore
I'm not sure I'd call Mrs Everdeen "emotionally immature". I mean, maybe. I just feel bad because she obviously has catatonic depression (same we later see in Katniss in "Mockingjay"), and no medication available to her. So it's not really her fault. But it is true that she doesn't take accountability and is very passive. In the first book she is like, "i was sick, I could maybe treat myself now!" And it's like, girl, you have dried flowers and shit. You need some benzodiazepines. Regarding the final question about if it is good that Katniss is so willing to sacrifice herself. In some ways, I think it might be good for her that Prim died? (I can only say this because she's fictional and not real but it's still hard because she's just a kid.) But I think Katniss really does need to learn how to live for herself. Although I suppose it would be better if Prim just... moved away and got a job or something normal.
on the topic of being self sacrificing, I truly think it's such a detriment to both ourselves and to the people we love. when we ignore our own needs and prioritise the needs of those around us, we don't allow those people to 1. learn how to take care of their own needs, and in turn are doing them a disservice in the long run and 2. are setting that relationship up to fail, because it's not a sustainable dynamic. you will eventually fail to meet everyone else's needs, and they can take that as a sign that you no longer care/are punishing them. there's also an element of condescension in assuming that people cannot take care of themselves, and that they need you to do it for them. you also are not letting the people you love actually love you in return. you cannot allow people to love you if you don't let them be there for you. not allowing the people close to you to actually support you is as unfair to them as it is to yourself. especially in romantic relationships, I think it's really important to have a foundation where we both can meet our own individual needs, and that we don't rely on our partners to fulfill those needs. it is not your partner's job to meet your needs, its your job to prioritise and meet your own needs. anything extra that they bring to your life is just that, an extra, a bonus, not something you need to survive. sorry for the long winded message! as the eldest child of an emotionally immature parent, I definitely learned to ignore my own needs and prioritise those around me. this meant that I spent a long time in a relationship where we prioritised each other's needs and happiness over our own, and it only led to resentment and dependance. I fully believe that we would have worked out in the long run if we had known how to properly care for ourselves and not be so self-sacrificing. love this channel! and love the Hunger Games
The hunger games is a great series, but thinking about it as an adult, (still pretty young but adult) I have a different outlook in Katniss' relationship with Peeta. We all know she wasn't in love in the first book, and in the second book, I feel like it's some type of co-dependence, trauma bond, type thing for the second and third books. I'm now of the opinion that Katniss never truly fell in love until after the third book, before the epilogue. I would really appreciate a professional opinion on this.
I remember loving Katniss in the books and the movies and watching this showed me just how many qualities we have in common, especially being parentified older sisters who are super protective of our younger sisters. And being a parent to your mom on top of that? Exhausting! Seeing this was a great reminder for me to stop internalizing so much. Overall, I loved this video and analysis!! I think an analysis of President Snow could be interesting, especially since we get more of his back story in the recent prequel. He's an obvious villain in the book, but I'd love to see how you'd talk about him as a therapist.
Speaking of a parentified child and self sacrifice, you should watch Arcane and speak on the character Vi. It’s an animated show where the focus is on two sisters. It’s a GREAT show!!!
One of my favorite shows ever! You can tell the writers put extra time into creating a background for each character that would be psychologically believable and would make sense. Did I agree with every characters decision? Absolutely not. Did I question "why" any character made the choices they made? Nope. Not once. Arcane may be one of the craziest lessons in empathy that a person can ever learn.
Please please please talk about Pita ♥️ This video made me cry a lot. I identify a lot with Katniss' self-sacrificing qualities, and seeing you analyze her hit so hard
Your video brought me to tears. I'm grateful to hear someone so eloquently explain exactly what this all feels like. Regarding your question, I don't think it's good to celebrate self sacrifice as much as we currently do. For the most part, people do it because it gives them an easy way out. They don't have to get their lives in order because someone else will make the sacrifices necessary to fix the problem. And when people are no longer willing to make those sacrifices, they are attacked mercilessly and trapped in a dynamic where they are only worthwhile when they give more than they can afford.
Just wanted to say thank you for your videos and keep them coming. So many in people in my MFT exam prep group talk about how your videos helped them pass the exam!!! Thank you!!!
This analysis hit home. I was not expecting to cry watching this breakdown. Maybe it’s time I talk to a professional. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
As a parentified of a mentally ill mother, it was really interesting to listen to your ideas. (My parents divorced when I was 15, but I was parentified by my mother long before that. My father was uninvested) The more I took over, the less she seemed to care/be able to do herself. "Funny" enough, I had one sibling, a sister by 1 1/2 year older than me. She was no big help. On the contrary, talking about houesehold shores, I had to do hers as well. She was frankly a little tyrant and it was just safer not to chellenge her. Also when she went to University first it was even harder to take care" of my mother. I have severe mental health issues, including cPTSD. So much weight on my shoulders, besides having mental health issues myself, Anorexia, and having to perform well at (the highest branch) of shool. When I followed studying, my mother completely lost it. I never knew in which state I would find her (and the apartment) when I came back for a weekend or so. Sometimes I wonder how I "survived" all of that.
I would really really really love to see a breakdown of the limited series "Big Little Lies". I loved this series and I think it has a lot of levels of physiological and relationship complications.
I would love for you to talk about each of them!!! Can you do a video for each character AFTER you finish Mockingjay? Then you can talk about each character and their character arc/development and growth. I’d love a deep dive on Haymitch, Gale, Effie, Snow. And then maybe one video touching on Prim, Gale, Finnick, Johanna Mason, Coin, Plutarch
About the praising of self sacrificing character traits: I honestly think our society is actually so individualistic (to a point where it costs us a sense of community), people overcompensate by praising and valueing explicit self sacrifice, because they fail to see the middle ground of working together as a community. Like, people in a neighborhood coming together to install a curb for safety doesnt cross anyone's mind, but a man pushing a child out of the way of a car is a hero , even if the accident could have been prevented by community intervention
I'd love to hear about the character arcs of Elizabeth Banks and Stanley Tucci's characters. They became sympathetic characters while in part supporting the franchise of the hunger games and I thought they were fascinating characters.
I would love an analysis of Cinna. Considering how Katina’s reacts to him like immediately she has the sense that they have an understanding of each other, see eye to eye, and mutual respect for each others values as well as “this person is a good ally to have”. She immediately pins cinna as someone who has stuff figured out and would be a good ally and friend to have. And Cinna very obviously derives great inspiration from her and how powerful she could embody rebellion that he leans towards.
How did you make it through this entire video without talking about trauma? Her mother had PTSD and catatonic depression, but you label it being immature? That feels a bit victim-shamey. She def stayed in the passive role when she recovered which is bad parentally, but I'm not sure it's fair to blame her for the mental illness she suffered as a result of trauma. There's no doubt she ends up a passive parent, but the book makes it sound like she didn't start out as one. She was also traumatized by watching a close friend (like a sister) killed in the games when she was younger. Speaking of trauma, Katniss lost her father (who did make her feel safe and seen per the book). I would think having a strong family support system is usually seen as a protective factor not a weakness just because she knows what she lost, as opposed to someone who never had that security in the first place. She essentially lost her mother at the same time to mental illness and had to figure out how to keep them all alive and parent her younger sister at the age of 11/12. And, they were literally on the brink of starvation. To the point where if Peete hadn't given her the bread she would've died (which is why she had such a hang up about owing people). But you call her emotionally lonely? I mean, sure, but also massive amounts of trauma. I agree with you about the attachment stuff and not believing Peeta is sincere, it just seems like you left out some pretty big pieces. She doesn't trust Peeta's motives, but part of the 'he can play the game' is just the fact that he has way more emotional intelligence than she does and she knows it. He does play the game well in the sense that he understands politics and how to schmooze for lack of a better word. He knows how to put people at ease. I think she has a lot of confusion with him and goes back and forth (in the book) trying to figure him out because he is so sincere and she doesn't know what to do with that. She also doesn't want to get close to him emotionally because she knows there's only one winner, and she prizes staying alive to care for Prim's life a lot higher than Peeta's.
I watched the Hunger Games a long time ago so the plot is not as fresh in my mind but i absolutely loved the insight igained from it both as a Psychology student and as one who was parentified. I would loooove to hear your thoughts on Anne with an E please please please
Great analysis. Helped me to understand Katniss' behaviour a bit better. Just watched the movie and found the relationship with Petaaa a bit confusing. About your question at the end: I do not think putting the needs of others before your own is a good quality if you endanger yourself in the process. Because if you do not take care of yourself, your loved ones need to watch how you hurt yourself and that is horrible as well. So people will worry about you and feel helpless. There needs to be a balance. You should be aware of your own needs as well of the needs of others and be mindful of both. And sometimes you put yourself first, because you are worth it and need it. And sometimes you help someone out because you know you can. But if you give you should also get enough back in order to recharge and be able to help other people in the long run.
Seconding those who requested a video about Katniss and Peeta! I found their relationship so compelling back when I first read the books as a teenager and would love to hear your take on them vs on Katniss' potential relationship with Gale.
hmm is self sacrifice a good quality. You hear stories of people putting themselves on the line to save someone else, and then you hear other stories of people abandoning people at the moment of danger. I think we all like to think we would sacrifice ourselves, but we really don't know. I think it is a good quality if you choose it during an emergency because it proves that you would die for the safety of that person. Ultimately that is the purest form of love right?
