Therapist Reacts To: Dear John by Taylor Swift! 

I think the difference between the two songs is that when you're young, you can understand that someone was too old for you, and that what they did was wrong. But when you've grown up, you finally understand the difference in life experience, in emotional maturity, and in responsibility. You understand what was happening on their side, and you see other people who are as young as you were, and realize how cruel and irresponsible it is to treat them the way that person treated you.

In The Great War, she sings about a fight she had with Joe, her current partner, and there's this line "You drew up some good faith treaties, I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone, You said I have to trust more freely" It would make sense that after this and the relationships that followed she wouldn't really know how to trust a partner

Using the slide guitar to make it sound like a John Mayer song is 10/10 Taylor writing

My favorite part of this song is that it's SO CLEARLY A VERY GOOD PASTICHE OF A JOHN MAYER SONG! She just completely chameleoned into him... like... "what you do isn't even that hard, john, you dummy"

It still amazes me that he called this cheap songwriting because all these years later I still get chills every single time I hear this song. This was much deeper than his Paper Doll retort.

Taylor is so powerful. At this young age, to have the awareness, to see the patterns and to know she was going to be more successful than him and shine like fireworks. Dear John thought he could mess with a child, not realizing this teenage girl was so much more powerful than him. He assumed she’d be weak.

I’m glad you went back to this song! John Mayer has always struck me as this sort of dark, damaged man who is attracted to women for their sparkle, but then tosses them aside when they lose their shine because of him. Virtually every ‘It girl’ has had him after them. It makes me wonder what happened to make him this way.

He called dear john “cheap songwriting” so yea i dont think hes intelligent

Therapist roasting John Mayer for 15 minutes straight

My first relationship was when I was 19 with a woman was 17 years older than me. This song (and Should've Would've Could've) eats me all the way up.

Calling him sadist is being way way too kind to him in my opinion. I love this song so so much, singing it at the top of your voice, letting all the emotions out is so satisfying and freeing.

Both songs describe the aftermath of an abusive relationship so well. Love bombing, feeling important and ignoring the red flags. The Never knowing who you're going home to , the good or bad version of the person you love. The self doubt, blaming yourself, the gaslighting you go through and finally the trauma that remains after you get free.

Would love to see you break down paper doll! Just to see what his narcissist view point was when he wrote it.

I wonder if having to revisit this song (and some of the other ones on Speak Now) during the rerecording is what sparked Would've Could've Should've. I can see it dredging up a lot of emotions and sort of sparking the rage and frustration again.

I read Simpson's book, and bawled my eyes out over what Mayer did to her bc I went through similar circumstances with someone else who had an overinflated ego. Mayer is truly sadistic if the claims by Simpson are true.

His “sad empty town” was NYC. It was around this time she started to really love NYC. Also, the guitar melody is very JM-esque. I thought that was brilliant.

I think it’s ironic that she got the reputation for dating just to write break up songs from this when he was the one causing problems in his relationships for inspiration. That part really enrages me since we know her perspective on public perception from Miss Americana

Everyone says "she only writes breakup songs" but yet he uses women for his song writing so let so he needs to get a grip

Love your videos! Just discovered them and have now binged! Something that’s been slightly grating on me since Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve dropped is people saying, “ok Jake wasn’t so bad” or “we were wrong about who those songs were about” etc. It seems clear to me that both relationships were hurtful, both involved sexual milestones of some kind and sexual stuff that was not positive (all of Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve and then the scarf and “held my lifeless frame” in All Too Well TMV). Most importantly, what massively does the damage and why patriarchy is so insidious is that she had *two* experiences like this, she was in such a predatory environment that two older men took advantage like this, and sadly being the victim of one probably put her in the path of another and made her more vulnerable to a manipulator like Gyllenhaal. In fact, I recognise in the John-Jake pipeline something that has happened to friends of mine, the fuck-boy-soft-boy sucker punch: after an outspoken misogynist, a male (faux) feminist seems revolutionary, after deliberate cruelty - dark twisted games - casual cruelty seems like kindness. Sorry for the long comment, this isn’t a criticism of your videos which I really loved, just something I’ve been stewing on these past couple of days and this seemed like a safe place to try to express it. P.S. I am also particularly a Gyllenhaal hater because of this piece that was published after the all too well short film came out which has sadly gone under the radar medium.com/@domenicamferaud/the-movie-star-and-me-5d711ee661e3 (TW. Workplace sexual harassment, grooming, sexual coercion)

Taylor truly is a one in a generation songwriter and this is one her finest works.... How does a 19yr old come up with something like that....

I think this is one of her best songs tbh, and I'd happily say that about a lot of her songs, but I think she articulates this emotion so so so well - especially for a 19-year-old

PLEASE do Bigger Than The Whole Sky from Midnights. I have been trying for 11 years to put this loss into words and taylor just did it.

Looking at this song and then WCS, and comparing them to Ours (which is also about Mayer) feels especially heartbreaking. It’s the pre-breakup positive lens she had of him and looking back at that song now, it’s so clear to see the abuse she was unknowingly experiencing.

You really need to watch the Sparks Fly live performance, her expressions are literal GOLD.

I love how you’re a therapist and usual casual language with us!!

The hindsight you get after a narcissistic relationship. Felt every word. 👌

you’re an absolutely gorgeous person inside and out, and as a survivor i cant thank you enough for these past two videos

Notice the first few seconds of the song is that same guitar sound in ALL of his songs-listen 🎧 and through out. And to think she left Taylor Lautner for him-then, she writes Back to December as a sorry to Taylor Lautner-another beautiful song.

The Story of Us, Superman and Ours from Speak Now are also (rumored) to be about John Mayer. They're all written at different points in the relationship (Superman and Ours during, The Story of Us after), but they all paint the same story: that even when she was happy she was still being manipulated by him, with lines like "And I hope you don't save some other girl. Don't forget, don't forget about me" and "Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me. Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles. But I don't care, 'cause right now, you're mine". After listening to Would've, Could've, Should've, it really makes you look back on all four songs from Speak Now in a different light.

nineTEEN, TEEN!!!, SHE WAS A TEENAGER!!!! HOW DO PEOPLE STILL TOLERATE THIS MAN???

“The girl in the dress I should have known”- reminded me of the line from - would’ve should’ve could’ve “I want my girlhood back it was mine first”… straight up reminded me of my abusive relationship I went through when I was 19 ( also reminds me of Demi’s song 29)

Taylor read him for filth. Imagine having that insight into what makes him tick and so clearly expressing it at 19.

I would love to see your reaction to The Great War which is about how her insecurities almost destroyed her current relationship🥺

One thing i have noticed is how painful her relationship with John STILL is to her, even this past year writing Would've Could've Should've. With Red though, she said we changed the meaning of All Too Well for her and she only had fond memories of re-recording the album that was heartbreaking for her as a 21 yr old. I can only imagine how badly Mayer messed her up, at such a young age too 😭

This one, would've could've should've, ronan and better man always break my heart. Your analysis is so interesting, can't wait what you've planned on uploading soon.

Dear John was such a painful and important song for me when I went no contact with my narcissist ex. The lyrics are spot on.. all of them.. of what you experience in that type of dynamic. Absolutely heart wrenching.

This song really hurts to listen to sometimes because it reminds me of my first bf when I was 18. We were the same age, but that verse “you were an expert at sorry, keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your test” gets me every time. Her song “tolerate it” reminds me of that relationship too. Very grateful that it ended, but definitely still get attacked by some memories from time to time.

The should’ve thinking pattern is normal. It’s why I love that there are no should’ves in would’ve could’ve should’ve because it shows healing. Both songs have helped me heal in man situation. I will say it again: hearing her healing is healing me.

LOVE the photos of his small town LOLOL Such a great song! Will always be a favorite.

I love it! Can't wait for more. Anti-hero please and Maroon.

Let’s just say calling him Satan would be an insult to Satan.

I've always wondered if the reference to Fireworks is a reference to Katy Perry since she was another of his victims, but clearly she has moved on and risen above.

You should watch her tour performance of this song. It's so good ❤

This brings more meaning to me for her other songs like “the man” “They’d say I’d play the field before I found someone to commit to And that would be ok for me to do” Our society has such double standards for things like this and can be so dismissive of victims. I was in a situation that I left about a year- year and a half ago and didn’t even think to consider it a grooming situation until Demi’s song 29 came out this year. That was the first time I allowed myself to not take blame for what happened to me and this is an event that society would look at and not see any problem with because I left before any obvious problems happened. So when you take that and apply it to more serious things like sexual assault and rape and people wonder why so much of it goes unreported sometimes for years…. And especially in celebrity instances are still blaming the victim for what happened to them… It’s sick And gross And I personally hope that John Mayer is in his own personal hell over this.

I love your content and lyric analysis, you’re so insightful and obviously actually care about the topics you discuss. Keep up the great work bestie 💗

Both songs make me want to give her a hug and tell her it's not her fault.

I mean, if that was his reaction after Dear John I can't imagine what he may have felt after Would've could've should've, and also wait for Speak Now TV and all its voult tracks.

i'm pretty sure that when they met Taylor was a fan of John so of course it would be easy for him to get her to agree to date him, especially after they collabed together on a song, i think it was a love song too. also apparently John never credited Taylor for her part in the song because he "didn't want die hard Taylor fans to only buy his album for that one song" like????

I'm glad you did a Dear John reaction video, though I wonder how your perceptions of WCS (Would've, Should've, Could've) may have changed if you'd done this one first. It's especially striking if you watch the live from the Speak Now Tour video instead of the lyric video, cause her face tells the whole story. Plus, it really drives home how young 19 is. She's practically a baby in that performance. Especially compared to the mature, confident woman she's become as she reflects back in WCS. Also, though her music is largely autobiographical, a given song doesn't have to be taken verbatim from the pages of her diary. I felt the WCS lyrics addressed the relationship with John Mayer sure, but also her regrets with how everything turned ended with Big Machine Records, Scotty B and specifically Scooter B. Especially the bridge, "tearing down our banners..." ie literal banners from press tours, concert programs, posters, album cover art, etc. to "living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood, it was mine first." In your reaction to WCS, you equated girlhood with maidenhead/virginity, where I saw it as a dig against the sale of her masters. Those first albums were her girlhood as art. And unlike her virginity, she can demand that he/they give them back. Which he/they didn't and so she is re-recording the albums and therefore devaluing the originals. The re-releases are outselling the originals by a mile, hitting those money grabbing jerks right where it'll hurt them most. The reason I'm posting these thoughts on this video and not your WCS is because it's the more recent, and also because the religious imagery in WCS (not that I'm implying in anyway that she'd not a Christan or lacks Christan values) is staged here in Dear John. I felt the imagery was twofold and not necessarily so literal. In Dear John she tells us that her mom "accused [her] of losing [her] mind, but [she] swore [she] was fine." The fundamentals of Christan faith are built on family, and I took the religious theme of WCS was also the loss of support from her family during this messed up relationship. Like she acted against her parent's wishes to be with him in the first place and didn't feel like she could go to them when he started his "twisted" games... which allowed them to go on maybe longer than they should have. I feel like Taylor could have been the epitome of a headstrong daughter, but Momma Swift didn't allow her to run wild. Lastly, I thought there was something to unpack in the first verse of Dear John which is the line about the "praying the floor won't fall through... again". She got involved with John after the famous break up with Joe J. , then short relationships with Lucas and Taylor L. Now I don't know what happened with Taylor L other than what can be gleamed from Back to December, but she may have been regretful and sad at how things ended there and so tried extra hard to make things work with John - which of course he took advantage of. And with "praying", she sets the scene for WCS. Here she's already on her knees, and in WCS she wishes she had "stayed on [her] knees" and not strayed off to "dance with the Devil". Anyway, these are my thoughts. I really enjoyed both of the reaction videos you did for these songs. I find your videos to be thoughtful, and do enjoy watching them. Thanks for reading. -T

Thank you for making me feel seen and understood. It means so much. I resonate so much with both Dear John and Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. I appreciate your perspective more than you know

You got a subscription from me because of the Douchelord comment😂😂You arent alone for that reaction to Wouldve COuldve Shouldve, along with maroon its my favourite songs out of the whole of Midnights/&3am. Maroon would be fabulous to see you analyze!! Its great to see through a therapists lens for these songs!!

when i was listening to would've, could've, should've, i noticed she gives a line to would've, a line to could've (at the start) and none to should've, the only times she says should've are when she mentions the title, which makes me believe even the title is a wink to the "you should've known"

It seems like he even turned his own issue of using women just for 'inspiration' and made everyone think Taylor did that. It's what Taylor became so known for after he went off about her writing this song. He manipulated the situation and got so many people to believe it too. Just sick..

Even when Speak Now came out, I always thought she was talking about losing her virginity when she said “the girl in the dress cried the whole way home” ☹️

He has had 20 PUBLICALLY KNOWN girlfriends, all WAY younger than him

I love her music so much. I feel like this is one of the best songs that she has released. It is so honest and she was and really brave at the time to release this. 💕

You should react to the live version of Dear John from the Speak Now world tour 😭 🤩 😭

i just need you to react to every song in her discography >_

"I dont care for this man" me neither

12:47 this makes a lot of sense and it's really sad when you think about how she was mocked so much for it ("constantly having a new man")

5:35 “I can’t, ugh…” VERY THAT!

Please react to no body no crime!!! I know you’d love it. It’s more of a storytelling song rather then something that actually happened but I’m obsessed with it.

Loved your analysis! You're absolutely right in everything 👏

She was 19 when Kanye tore her to pieces, too. I wonder if she was with John at the time, or if they had broken up. Just curious if anyone knows. Appreciate your reaction, I just found you tonight, and will be watching more, Mere!

as someone who was groomed when i was 15. this song has a VERY special place in my heart. the lyrics, the delivery, the vocals every line breaks my heart and mends it together again. i love taylor.

I can NOT with people using the argument that 19 is a legal adult. We arent saying John did anything illegal. Does it feel incredibly ekk, YES but no he didnt break the law. That being said im 31 about to turn 32. Im basically the age he was when he met her and i can tell you from a 31 year olds perspective a 19 year old IS a kid. To me they are. They are SO YOUNG. I couldn't imagine myself dating someone younger than 28. Because adults should realize that you need a certain age and maturity level to have an equal partnership. You can't have that when one persons brain isnt even fully developed. Not to mention she idolized him. There is already a huge power imbalance there even without factoring in age. Yes she was an adult. But HE was older, HE was way more experienced, and HE should have known better!

Knock on wood...she has such an amazing voice....I love her music and how her storytelling skills

i don’t know how youtube (and you) know that TODAY i realized that the situation taylor was with john mayer is the same i managed to escape from just yesterday. Now i don’t know if i take the algorithm bait or not cause it’s too damn painful 😵‍💫

Oof. Just listened to your breakdown of this song and would've could've should've... it's all very heartbreaking and relatable. I was in a relationship with a narcissist who was also my first... he was only a couple years older, but messed with my head in indescribable ways and sexually abused me for many years. It took over a decade to leave. I have always liked Taylor's music and admired her talent, but wasn't really a Swiftie. So I missed some of these great songs when they came out. All I can say is that I'm glad she has been able to process all of this and share her poetic music so that hopefully other young people will see that they aren't alone and have the strength and awareness to get out of these situations before they are too destructive (or at least find a good path to healing).

And because she wasn't left completely ruined is why he was so butthurt about this song omg Also I love how deeply you feel and react, it is beautiful

i had a similar 3 year relationship that broke me down as a person and did burn me out and i relate tho would've could've should've so much i cried the whole day it came out, i do miss who I used to be and wonder what I would have become if I was left to my boredom. I was 17 and he was 21 so the gap wasn't as alarming but I was literally in high school and he was finishing university in a foreign country. He made me feel small and would punish me with ignoring me if I said something he didn't like. It was only 4 years but sometimes the age difference isn't even the main factor. I'm almost 26 now and he is a ghost in my mind all the time, and the way I'd laugh at someone I met like him now, his "impressive" qualities at the time to someone his age or older are straight up ridiculous. I feel so seen by Taylor's music and it's like going to therapy and facing things i ignore in myself on a daily basis. She may say she'd rather look at the sun than face the mirror in her new anti hero song, but she makes me face myself in the mirror and learn to live as I am instead of what would've should've could've been me.

I love her more every single day 🥺❤️

Your Channel is like a very very safe place

OK... for all future Taylor reactions, I'll be laying on my couch (old school reference) as if I'm in a therapy session. (Thank you very much, and where do I send my payments to?)

Oh wow, so glad you showed up on my For You page! I’m a new fan of you.

Watch her the live performance on this from the Speak Now tour, she looked So Young, it's heartbreaking.

Kiernan Shipka (23) and John Mayer (44)are now dating.

Now “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” makes sense because she never said “should’ve” because she said it here.

You should have used her live performance. The theatrics and her facials add so much to it.

love all your reaction, I'd like to see your analysis of champagne problems

Oh wow! Thank you so much! Therapy Session time! I'm here. I'm present. I'll be commenting as I watch you. First of all, I have never heard this song. I have heard this song being mentioned here and there and seeing John Mayer's name attached to this song. I do remember when the news first broke out that they were dating and then finding out it didn't last that long. Then over the years, especially with what he said about Jessica Simpson, just hearing how much of a disgusting slimeball he really is. None of the women that he's dated has ever said anything nice or positive about him and that's a big red flag. So yeah. That's it. That's all I know. This will be an interesting conversation. First time I've ever heard her express herself in a very direct way to a person. As if she's making direct eye contact with them to show how serious she is in saying, "Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away" ALSO "The girl in the dress wrote you a song. You should've known." I like how she created a song that sounds like a John Mayer track lol. It's a nice jab at him. I think the only reason why he was upset about her making this song is because she's putting his shit on blast. That would mean, people (mostly women) will now have their guard up with him. For sure, it won't be easy for him to go after a woman that catches his eye. People now know the kind of person he has been in relationships and how he treats women in particular. And I think that's what gets him upset. He's been called out and he don't like it. I don't think the thought of treating women with love and respect ever crossed his mind. Makes me wonder about his upbringing and who were his parents. Wait. wHaT?!?! He said his dick is a white supremacist and that's why he doesn't have sex with black women?! LOL!!! Omg. This dude is sick, perverse, twisted, racist and very insensitive. He just does what pleases him huh? Like how could he say such things and have that print out to the world? That's insane. Same thing if her were to do it now on Twitter. He's sounding like Kanye and that shit is crazy. I don't care for John either homegirl. Good riddance John Mayer. Byeeee! Hilarious picture of "where Douchelord John lived (probably)" LOL!!!

Greatest advice from Taylor and the therapist ♥️♥️

Please do bigger than the whole sky!

Your reactions give me chills

Lol, your so cute ☺️ when you flashed a picture of decrypt town with the caption where he lived. 😂

New here. And wow. I am a dear john girl. Love this

love how he called the songwriting on this cheap, yet proceeds to release a song called “why you no love me,” that shit doesn’t add up💀

In “would’ve could’ve should’ve” the song was like sad and stuff but 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼? This is just like some sort of weapons like a gun ready to shoot him anytime soon😂

Therapist react to Taylor Swift? It's Binge time😄

when she says “you should’ve known” at the end of the song, i feel like she’s saying “you should’ve known I would get revenge” or “im saying this to make you feel dumb”. this is like the lyric is like the one in WCS: “living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts”. it really shows how in dear john, she’s wanting to lash out and is mad at john, while in WCS, she’s really reflected and matured

Love watching your videos. Keep them coming. You rock.

Lol I love how in the CWS video you prefaced it by saying that John Mayer was talented and now you're like, HE'S SICK. We all hate him. SICK. DONE. CANCELLED. I am a new subscriber...love your content ❤️

Long were the nights when My days once revolved around you Counting my footsteps Praying the floor won't fall through ... again You paint me a blue sky And go back and turn it to rain Wondering which version of you I might get in the phone tonight I decided to break up and this song is to let you know why... Dear... I see it all now that you are gone Maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame Maybe it's you and your Sick need to give love and take it away I should have known to run as fast I as could Dear... The boy inside me had to hold his broken bleeding heart💔💔 You are an expert in keeping lines blurry But I took your matches before you could burn me out I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town 🎇🎇🎇 🙄🙄🙄

ur actually my favorite person ever

I relate to her song the archer a lot I recommend you react to it, The song was released on my birthday in 2020 and a year later everything in the song came true for me. I had severe OCD and compulsions to the point were it was debilitating. I then had a new friend become sucidal and was transitioning to become a girl, my old best friend and I were basically sisters and I was at her house more than mine and we would dance to taylorswift all night. But that friend started bulling my new friend who was suicidal, She had no other friends so her parents would have me call her every day because she was in a mental hospital. But it took a tole on me and not only that but I got in trouble because You can only call if you are above 18 and I was 14 at the time. and when I stood up for her my group of 20 friends I had known my entire life hated me and would make fun of me constantly. And in the archer Taylor talks about how all of her enemies started out friends… I have new friends now but am constantly scared to loss them and the archer really shows that feeling well.

I wonder if there was a longer version of the song. Like the all too well song. 🤔

I didn't see it in the comments of this or your WCS video, but this never says should've in WCS because they are all in Dear John

Hi!! New subscriber right here!! Really love your reaction! I’m a huge Taylor Swift’s fan, and as much as I love her, I also want you to do a reaction of a singer named NIKI, if you don’t mind. she’s an Indonesian singer songwriter, signed under 88 risings and is known for her genius in writing lyrics (fyi: she’s also a fan of Taylor and was chosen as the opener singer for Taylor Swift’s red concert in Jakarta, way before she was famous. Some of her amazing songs that i recommend you to check out: lala lost you, ocean and engines, milk teeth, anaheim

God bless! 😊❤😊

Not me pausing the video to see who texted me and getting confused when I can’t find the text when the ding popped on