My favorite quote on grief is this one: "Grief, I've learned, is just really love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corner of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hallow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
Maybe that's what was meant. The quote came from someone of a different culture who lived in a different time and spoke a different language. Something is bound to get lost in translation.
"American cinema has trained us to want the perfect happy ending where everything is as we want it to be, and we kinda get upset when we don't get that." WHAT WE WANT VS. WHAT WE NEED!
Ironic that happy endings most likely came about for what life couldn't give us, but people who grew up on those happy endings now feel awful when thir lived experiences aren't reflected in our media as it feels like it's a mirror we never measure up to. What a cycle.
What I loved about Barley is that he wasn't the moody, jealous older sibling who spent the movie groaning why HE wasn't the chosen one since he was older. He was so legitimately and vibrantly happy for this brother to be the chosen one, and he wanted to help him succeed in any way possible. It was so refreshing to see such a loving, wholesome family member when it could've been so easy to follow the tropes instead.
No joke, when I first watched it I said "oh no" when Ian was chosen and Barley found out. I was expecting him to flip out on Ian. Too many films have unhealthy sibling relationships so that's what I was expecting.
This movie is so underrated. The way it can teach boys to be vulnerable, and silly, and honest, without feeling like they're not masculine, or not themselves.
I hate social norms and toxic masculinity so much. It's such a breath of fresh air to see boys and men be themselves and not acting like they have to be tough for everyone around them.
This is why schools should hire a good therapist to teach social skills/mental health class, and it should be a required course. Screw learning how to solve for x by finding the diameter of Pythagoras (or whatever it was they showed in algebra), learning how to take care of your emotional health is way more important! Too bad America will never do that, because according to the public school system, students aren’t real people and therefore their feelings and experiences don’t matter.
@@dannyfoxboi But why not being tough during hard time ? Why being a pillar for everyone around you during hard times is deemed so bad and deemed to be toxic masculinity ? When my grandmother passed away, my sisters and my mother were basically dysfunctional from grief for weeks. I took care of them, cooked meals, washed the dishes and clothes, kept the house clean, while I was there for them to support them emotionally when they needed me, I didn't want to cry in front of them, not because I didn't love my grandmother, she was there for me my whole life, I wanted to be strong for them while they were unable to be strong for themselves, so I could be the light to their darkness. Instead of being a ball of shriveling sadness in the corner, I decided to stand tall exactly because I loved my grandmother so much that I knew if she have seen them in that state, she would have been very sad. I am a very sensitive guy, I cried my eyeballs out watching "Your Name" and "A Silent Voice" i still do every time i watch those beautiful Anime movies. There are time to be vulnerable and weak, and there time when you need to shelves your emotion just a little longer for the sake of those you love and for the memory of those who are not in your life anymore. This is how a man can show strength, its not toxic masculinity... If you just start crying over the minutes little thing all the time, how good can this be for yourself and SPECIALLY to others that love you.
@@dannyfoxboi The way I experienced my grief was that I thanked my grandmother for being there for us all that time and I sent her free with a smile rather then with tears.
It makes sense that in the end he didn’t get to meet his dad because, in reality, if a parent passes before you knew them, you’re only going to know them through the people who did and this is showing that that’s more than okay. That’s pretty deep. It’s for those who would never get to meet someone so profoundly important to their existence.
Not only that but I believe if they had made Ian meet his dad then portraying him as happy and satsified would be a huge lie. Imagine never meeting this person before, and then for one brief like 5 minute conversation, you meet them, you'll get mad when they're gone, wanting to know more, upset that others got more time with them then you did, along other emotions.
@auraguardianemerald6667 Then you think you'll never be able to forgive yourself that you were both right after they died. But you know what? You have nothing to blame yourself for especially if your late parent/s have given people so many chances and happiness in life then there's no one to blame. Sure they passed, but you are the gift they have given to the world, the extension to the happiness that they desired, the dreams that you can inherit and the love you can have and give to yourself and to other people like they did.
I actually love how Ian never got to see his dad, because the ending actually shows that Barley was really the one who never had a father/father figure in his life
exactly, Barley was the one who had actually lost something, Ian was just longing for something he'd never known because of what he thought it would give him. It's not a take I've seen before in stories about children with dead parents, which is why I love it so much
The only thing I don't like about it is the way it happened. They had to spend this super rare gem to complete the spell, only to have it taken away like 15 seconds later. Imagine if in Brave, the mom got permanently turned into a bear and she never had any time to do what was required of her, just because the spell was cast a few hours earlier, minutes before that day's sunset. And then the witch throws up her arms with the most Steve Urkell expression possible and says "Whoops bad timing on my part lol. You have no recourse, she's a bear now. Tough break kid sorry for your loss byeeee!"
@@shadebug Well Onward is Pixar and Frozen is mainstream Disney Animation, so it's most likely its own universe. But it would be cool if that were the case
"You'll never be ready. Merge!" It best line in the film I think. It's that tough love that is not cruel. It's just that push to ignore that inner demon that holds you back.
My brother calla it the monkey on my back and becuz I have crazy bad anxiety he used to grab a stuffed monkey and make it repeat the same fears I would say to avoid doing something until I would realize tht my fear is catastrophized and took it down a notch.
[PIXAR'S SOUL SPOILERS] a lot of people seemed confused and lost on what 22's spark was too after watching Soul. some people just don't get the point no matter how obvious it is
@@colorbar.s I watched Soul a few days ago and literally just finished Onward (wanted to watch it before seeing this vid) and I loved the ending of both of them so much. I feel like an ambiguous ending, or an ending where the character doesn't get exactly what they wanted but finds something more valuable, to be the best of all. Both the endings of Soul and Onward inspire such hope and are so much more realistic... really beautiful stuff. I get people watch movies for different reasons, and maybe if something someone uses as an escape from reality only reminds them of said reality it can be kinda unsatisfying. But movies like these are so important nonetheless, and even if they can't help us escape reality, they can at least help us cope. Ok ok I'm done ranting now. 😅
Some people want to be hand held to an unambiguously happy ending. Soul leaves off on an ambiguous ending but it fits the themes of the movies so well, the idea of potential and being open to it.
@@JolieGirl2002 also when it comes to movies with main black characters such as princess and the frog and soul, we are always turning into some type of thing for majority of the movie
I loved that he didn’t get to see his dad. It felt like the right ending. He realised his brother was his father figure, and that his brother needed to see their dad more than he did. He sacrificed for his brother. It’s a perfect analysis in character want vs need.
@@LaNoireDetruit as in, his big brother was a brother in name, but father in bond, you know? And his real father was only father by name but really only a stranger he heard stories about.
One of the reason why I love Barley IS that with his design, he would certainly be a bully in a lot of other Disney movie but it's not the case at all! He remind me some of my metalhead friends that are often portrayed as Bad person on a lot of médias but who are in fact really nice and open minded. So to me, Barley and Ian are one of The most realistics duo created by Pixar and I just love their relationship troughout the movie! I wish it was less underated !
Yup. You beat me to it. For I shared earlier that I had a similar initial experience where I thought Barley was just your "Mean Girl" type of bully, and he had the appearance for it. E.g. big, strong, good-looking, confident and impressive. Almost your Gaston-like as in Beauty And The Beast. But fortunately, Pixar made him friendly and kind and thoughtful.
So this is another movie where Chris Pratt plays a character who lost a parent, as a child, and was unable to fully say goodbye due to being overwhelmed by all the medical devices their dying parent were hooked up to.
I feel like in the first GOTG (coming from someone who is DEEP in the Guardians movie fandom and obsessed with Star-Lord) his refusal to take his mother's hand was more because it made the tragic situation feel too final, like he would've been accepting that she was going to die, when he truly didn't want to 100% believe that yet. But you're right that here with Barley in "Onward" they're *extremely* similar situations, and as someone who is also a huge Pixar junkie, I love that connection and parallel so much.
There is a trope called Actor allusion where a role makes reference to another famous role an actor played. I definitely think Pratt's lines are a ref to GoTG deliberately. They are almost a perfect match. Tom Holland's is more of an ass pull especially estimating the time it takes to make an animated feature.
Barley is such an amazing character. In most movies, you don’t really get to see older brothers who are actually *good* older brothers. He’s openly affectionate and loving towards Ian, always protecting and supporting him. I think all kids should watch this movie. If no other reason than to show that siblings can have wonderful, meaningful relationships-especially in the face of grief.
I especially love that when he finds out that he can't do magic, but his brother can, he does everything to encourage him. Instead of being jealous or disappointed, he's excited and thrilled. He's happy he can share his knowledge, even if he can't apply that knowledge directly to himself.
Lol. Reason for that was because we didn't actually watch any Schindler's List clips on the day. We just discussed the film and inserted clips in post. Had we been watching, all three of us would have been a wreck. With Onward we were watching and reacting :)
@@CinemaTherapyShow Yeah I figured something like that. Yeah, it's intense, and actually hard to discuss while watching. I just thought the contrast was funny, since it's almost a running gag by now. Don't worry Alan, I usually start crying before you do! Curse you, Pixar!
I was in the camp of, “Are you kidding me? He didn’t get to meet his dad?” I understood the narrative on paper, but I just didn’t connect to this. I was just sad. After hearing this breakdown, I had a breakthrough. I had no relationship with my dad, my mother was a major gaslighter. I had to cut ties with all family a lot of years ago. I never got parented and never found a surrogate parent because I kept going to people like my mother and would end up getting burned. Duh. I just stopped trying to find that person. Even though I’m 30, I still grieve that lack of connection. That hole gets smaller with time, but it’s still there. Thanks guys. I figured out why I hated this movie even though it was a very good movie. Gained some perspective.
My dad and all of his family are huge gaslighters and all incredibly narcissistic. I’m still working on trying to cut ties but I keep falling between loving them and hating them. It gives me such emotional whiplash. My therapist says that I’m allowed to do both, but loving them is such a drag and hating them is so freeing. But every time I learn to hate him he does something to make me love him again.
From the very beginning, i knew barley was the father figure in ian’s life. I actually loved the ending. At least barley got to say goodbye to his father. Also, sacrificing something you want shows how much you love that person. Also, through barley, ian got to know some more about his dad after he “evaporated” so to speak.
@@ashleyburnham6924 I don’t necessarily want to give advice because I’m no expert, and everyone’s situation is so vastly different. Any feeling you have is valid, and hate will be a part of that sometimes. Just try not to sit with it too long, in my case years. It will drag you down. Hate still gives them power. Don’t give them the satisfaction of draining your life force. You are strong. Hang in there.
I don’t understand why barley is so hated by the fandom. Sure he was naive and a bit reckless but he was so empathetic and supportive to his brother. Even when his brother got to do magic and he didn’t even though he really wanted it, he wasn’t jealous or spiteful. He was supportive and happy for his brother the whole way through and helped him work with it throughout the journey
i think it's mainly because he's voiced by crisp rat, which is not a good singular reason to hate a character, especially not such a good and caring character like barley. older siblings can be overbearing at times (speaking as one), and barley is not without his flaws, but he truly does not warrant hate as a character.
Yeah, that's an odd reaction to me, too. I can understand being disappointed, that was the driving force behind the whole movie and it's obviously very sad that he gives up that opportunity, it's very bittersweet. But it's such a mature and compassionate gesture Ian gives to Barley, I could never be mad at it.
some people who watched it were going through the same thing ian had at the start, and the ending was too rushed for them to find the solace ian did. some people aren't ready to reflect on what they want and what they need too.
It took me two watches to get there. My dad left very early in my life, so my first watch through was very much altered by that lens. I didn't get that resolution that I was so craving. But as I thought on it and worked through why this movie got me so hard, I found that I love this ending, even though it's still something I don't feel I had fulfilled until I met my wife. In my second watch, I was able to find the beauty in love from an unexpected person filling the whole that my vision was too narrow to see past.
"I wanted to cry" "And this film has a Pixar in front of its title" "It's Pixar, therefore I will cry" This is too relatable. Especially Onward. I've cried during pretty much every single film Pixar's released, but usually I can rewatch little clips of those films and I feel fine.. The short clips in this video however, had me sobbing. Love this story so much! Thoroughly enjoyed your analysis too - thanks guys!
Where this movie really broke me was in the scene where Barley confides in Ian about his fourth memory of their dad. That was the first time I felt a movie reach out of the screen and punch me in the gut. When my granddad developed dementia, I went to see him once. He was delighted that I was there, but he wasn't the same person that I had known. My granddad was strong, funny, and constantly energetic. But now he could barely speak, and his hand would shake when he held mine. It scared me, seeing him like that. A little while later, when my mom asked if I wanted to go see him again, I said no. Because I didn't want to confront that I was losing him, that in a way I had already lost so much of him even though he was still right there. He passed away before I could ever say that I wanted to see him one last time. I threw away my chance to say goodbye because I was scared. When Barley gave his confession, I felt like the movie had reached into my mind and shown me my greatest regret. I don't often cry at movies, but I did then. Because my pain felt seen. Onward was released on the day before my great-grandfather passed away. It was released the day after I went to see him in the hospital, and even though he was asleep, I said goodbye.
As someone who's grandma also fell away over a long period of time: I need you to know that, while regretting it is okay, do not feel guilt for not going again. It is not selfish, and it is not wrong to not go. I went, my brother wanted his last memories of her to be different. We both did what was right for us. If you wish you'd said goodbye because you genuinely deep down wanted that, it's okay and you're valid for it. If you wish you'd said goodbye because you feel you should've, even if it would have been bad for your own grieving process, protecting your memories of him is in of itself a way to honor him. May his memory be a blessing💛
I had the same experience with my Nana. She was dying of dementia and no longer herself, it scared me so bad that I didn't visit in the end. I regret it so much.
I really like the characters of the parents too. The biological dad doesn’t appear completely but he is a person and feels like such instead of an angelic dead parent. He is goofy, bold, ridiculous and a terrible dancer but even without his upper half he really shows how much he loves his sons. The mom of the protagonists is not only alive (rare in Disney movies and anime so kudos for that) but she also gets the spotlight in the story and participates in the adventure. Heck, she defeats a dragon alongside her sons and in the end embarks on an adventure again. You could say that she has discovered herself too. The stepdad, the centaur, is a really realistic depiction of a new stepparent who genuinely cares about the boys and is trying his best (usually these stories fall into the evil stepparent trope) but doesn’t know how to get along with his stepchildren. He isn’t trying to replace the dad and when he sees Barley saying goodbye to Wilden he is not even jealous or insecure. Finding yourself seems to be a theme for secondary characters too and it’s one of the rare movies that shows parents as just people.
The "Dead Mom cliche" is 90% ripped straight from the 300+ year old stories that most of these movies are based on. Same with abusive stepmothers. At the time it was usually because a lot of women felt that raising a child that wasn't hers was beneath her and might bring down her social standing. Terrible but common mindset.
The truly wow part of the new stepdad, showing he’s not sure how he firs into the family is.... they’re elves. He’s a centaur. How does a centaur fit into this elf family?
@@icarusbinns3156 but it’s also normal for any stepparent to take time to figure out where they fit in. They basically join a completely different family and naturally need time to adjust. So do the stepchildren. The important part is that despite the insecurity Colt is trying and he is not aiming to replace the father of the boys which is a good thing. He just wants to get along with them and be a parent figure in his own right. I have stepparents on both sides of the family and while both of my parents are alive I also had issues with mom’s partner at first. It did work out and we’re on good terms but it took time. I’m just glad the movie made both the brothers and the parents (counting the stepdad) realistic. It gave me a new prospect on the way my stepdad probably felt at first.
@@anastasiap6253 I still like that it was made visually clear... a way to show younger kids just how awkward a step-parent can feel at first. And how the family can feel awkward around the new person. Pixar is just scary-good at representing very awkward, amorphous things in ways that young kids can connect with and understand with their beautiful kid-logic “I like your mask!” “It’s yellow, ‘cause I’m really happy today!” -kid at my store with a gold-sequin mask on
My sister and I bawled during this movie. We have 13 years between us and, while we both have two extremely supportive and loving parents, I naturally stepped into an older sister/mother role, mainly because I had no idea what being a big sister looked like. Many of her early videos and photos were taken by me. When I was in my early 20's, we had an issue where neither of my parents could really watch her due to work, so I would leave my classes at college, pick her up, tend to the house and help her with her homework, make dinner, and then put her to bed. I remember one night she asked me to lay with her as she fell asleep, and I agreed. She held my hand as she drifted off and as I looked at her, I felt so much love for her that it felt like I would explode from happiness. And I laid there, as she slept, crying silently into the pillow. It was so hard to let go of her hand and leave that night. As the years have gone on, we've grown even closer. Many of her likes and interests mimic (if not are exactly) like mine. Many people (still) think she's my daughter because she looks more like me than she looks like my parents. And even though she won't say it to my parents, she's told me I'm her second mom. And to me, she's my first kid. The reason we both cried during this movie was because we had a visual picture that summed up our bond. She began remembering all of these things that I had forgotten--like how I taught her to swim, gave her life advice, or encouraged her. I always struggle with feeling like the screw up in the family. To hear her say all of these things helped me realize that if I didn't do anything in else in my life right, "raising" her was the best thing I ever did. Needless to say this is one of our favorite movies.
I'm crying right now. I don't so much struggle with feeling like a screw-up as I do feeling left behind the rest of my peers. I sacrificed a lot of my life to "raise" my little brother. He's 11 years younger than me and he's special needs. My mother worked and went back to college when he was little so I did a lot of diaper changes, feedings, baths, you name it. So when I look back at my life and all of the things that I haven't achieved, the fact that my brother and I are super close and he depends on me has helped me resolve my feelings about having wasted my life. I didn't; I just poured a lot of my life into him.
This is really sweet. I wish i had that. All my life i wished i could ha e siblings. And when j was abut 25 i learned my mom had 2 kids before me and i finaly spoke to my eldest sister and she is .. Kinda a horrible person like mom is and i wish i could ha e some sister closeness. I still havnt spoke to my middle sister
My youngest sister is the closest person in my family. Sometimes I sleep with her because she doesn’t like to be alone. Even though my bed is three feet away from hers. But nevertheless I love staying beside her when she wants to do that. I’ve been reading the Narnia books to her before bed. She likes that very much.
"He just didn't look like himself" hits home so hard. We've lost a lot of people the past few years, and I was there when it happened. My grandpa had aggressive cancer and basically wasted away, I watched them perform cpr on my grandma for 25 minutes after she passed, I was in the hospice room while my great grandma drowned because of fluid in her lungs. Honestly that statement is so true, at that point they don't look like the family that you knew.
@@silveryfeather208 assuming you meant wasn't; true, but by the end of the movie it was relatively healthy, at least compared to most movies about siblings
my sister was crying overwhelmed of moving out and being independent at the age of 28. As a joke, I said "you'll never be ready! Meeeeeerge!" and we both laughed and it was a moment but I think it's a great mantra truly 😊
When he slowly checked those boxes in the list, that's where I lost it. I was a mess and I think ppl should stop comparing this to frozen just cuz it's abt siblings, it has a different message
@@dew__drops7844 Yeah lol critics in newspapers, coined it 'frozen with boys'. Hell, Frozen's about fear and letting it all go while Onward is about realizing that the thing you're missing is already there. The two are so different and just bc theyre siblings they just slapped in the frozen comparison. Smh.
@@BrokenTreeBranch458 ugh.. that’s so stupid! You made completely correct points! I haven’t even watched Onward, but I can still see it’s different from frozen!
This movie is so true and heartfelt because the director made this movie based on his own experience. His father died before he was born, and he was raised by his mother and his older brother. The only clip of his voice they could find was a tape from some family gathering, and there was BARELY 3 seconds of audio of his dad. The director only had his older brother who was alive with his father, and their mother. This movie is amazing because it of real experience to light. It shows someone's true journey of healing. The whole mini documentary of how it was made is on Disney+ if anybody else is interested. :P Edit: The documentary is called Inside Pixar, and the Onward episode is the last in the series. Thank you @Rachel McKay for the tip!
If you watch the inside Pixar documentary, this movie is based off of the directors life, right down to the audio tape, the characters even look just like the directors family. I think its a perfect example of why it's important for artists like this to be creating movies of their life experiences that really resonate with their audiences.
i don't get how people can be mad at onward's ending and still enjoy other pixar movies. like onward isn't the first pixar movie to have a bittersweet ending like that, imagine if carl got to keep his house. wouldn't hit the same, right?
I found another comment really insightful on this. They talked about how their living parents had been really toxic towards them so that they had to shut out any idea of that kind of parental connection or love, to the extent that they forgot they'd done so and just really internalised it. So the resentment they felt at this film came from that having to accept that they just would never have that connection themselves. So having that experience, I can see how seeing a story about meeting the parent you never had and then you don't meet the parent? It would just be that disappointment all over again. The movie might help you begin to move on, but it would certainly be the beginning of a journey, not the end of one.
@@NeoLithiumCat Definitely made me upset that I didn't have much of a connection to either parent. When you have 7 siblings, you're a parent yourself. I stopped expecting my parents to be there for me when I was about 11, but how I would have loved to have a parent as invested in me as Barley is to Ian. Both my parents died years ago. I can't ever have that connection. So of course I wanted Ian to meet his dad at least ONCE. Movies like this are bad for people who can't even start that journey. That's why a lot of us want happy endings in movies so badly. Life is sad enough as it is. Movies are fantasy. Fantasy is for making you happy despite everything that might be wrong in your life.
@@DreamQuillRose man, you left me without words: never finding a parental connection, having that longing, well I think that's a theme for another movie, because while I was happy with the resolution that Ian took, I get that not everybody have someone to lean on. And, I hope you can find some closure or something.
@@catrocastre8215 Well, according to the Jonathan and Alan, I'm supposed to look for a new relationship so things can "come around again." I've never dated, being too wary of being trapped in another "me taking care of someone like a parent" relationship. For the last two years I've been trying to figure out ways to open my own mind. I'm writing a love story where a similarly untrusting character falls in love with a happy, well-adjusted one, and purposely decides to give that person trust, to see if they are worthy of it.
I'm the mother of 2 kids (8 and 11) who lost their dad 3 years ago and have avoided watching this film with them because of the subject. I was thrilled to see you did a video on it and I love so much of what you had to say. We're planning this as our next movie night now.
@@rosasutubechannel The kids loved it and I thought it was entertaining and fun with a really good overall message. Made me cry... But that's not hard.
I also lost my dad 2 years ago. I have a younger brother(10) and we both watched it together!! we didn't just love it but also was full of emotions afterwards. Its so hard for me to express how much I loved this movie, but I can say that we felt much better after watching it
I think my favorite part about this film is the ending, when Barley tells Ian that their father is very proud of the person he's grown up to be, and Ian responds saying he owes a lot of that to Barley, then Barley admitting that their father said that too. It really shows the empathy and selflessness of Barley that he would lead with what their father said about Ian, and it ends that theme of what characters need beautifully, because Barley knew Ian needed to hear that. It's likely his father shared even more with Barley but Barley knows that isn't important in the moment, because he respects his little brother's needs, and in turn Ian respects that he doesn't need to know everything their father told Barley in private. It's just all so great
I love the last line, when Barley says he's supposed to give Ian something from dad and the thing is a hug. And it's just a perfect wrap up of everything that made Barley a dad figure for him and how this way both of the boys got one last hug from their dad. How you could see in Ians eyes that he felt like it was his father hugging him in a way...
Omg, yes inside out! I remember I was like 8 or 9 when inside out came out and I was a little sad in the theater but for the most part I just had fun and thought it had a cool message. But now that I'm older I recently rewatched it and when I tell you I cried, seriously I was so emotional and I just got this whole new insight and that movie means so much to me now.
as an older sister who unintentionally stepped into a fairly parental roll to my brother and sister i related a lot to Barley. the scene where Ian is thinking of all the time spent with his brother and how much he loves him hits me in the gut because so much of it feels familiar with my own siblings and it really makes me feel like I might actually be doing okay with this. i never asked for this roll and i don't want to be anything else but their sister, i just want them to know without question that they are loved
As a younger sister whose older sister stepped into that parental role when our father became basically absent when we were about 6 and 4 respectively, I'm sure your siblings appreciate it, I know I'm beyond grateful for what my sister has done for me. When Ian was thinking back on his life and realizing it was Barley there with him the whole time, that was my gut punch because I feel the same way about my sister. Despite the fact that part of me always *wanted* a father, I never needed one, I always had my sister and, looking back, having my mother and my sister has been more than enough and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a very similar relationship with my little sister. I never had that kind of relationship with anyone, so I promised myself that things would be different for her, and they are. This movie hit me hard because of that.
This movie DESTROYED my brother and me. We have different fathers, we don't know who mine is and his is never really there. As an older sister, seeing Barley be the surrogate, to see how important he was to Ian's life when it was lacking such an important figure in their life... It makes me so happy and makes me BAWL. To see on screen how important siblings are to each other made me and my brother break down. When Ian goes through his check list to do with his dad and realizes he did it all with Barley? Ugly crying. Every time. I've come to terms with my relationship with my father, but my brother is ten and I'm not sure how he feels, but I think we left this movie feeling closer. This movie really reinforced that I am who I am not because of who made me, but who raised me... My brother and I needed that representation...
This is exactly how I felt! I have a younger sister and we share different fathers, along with living with our grandparents- I felt Barley's position so hard, especially him filling it without even him realizing he was doing so! It made me want to hug my sister so hard, she's 12 and was watching it with me at the time (also sobbing)
I have both of my parents but this movie made me realise that siblings really do help raise eachother, especially in cases of parents not being there. As the oldest sibling in my family, it really moved me and I cried as well. The love in all of their memories together sort of speaks to me because I love my little siblings so much... it kinda helps me understand that situation a little better because I can relate to the love I guess. It's a nice scene
Barley's 4th memory of his dad really hit home for me. Shortly before my grandfather died he called and wanted to talk to me. As a 12-year-old I hated phone calls and I was nervous because I knew he wasn't all there and wasn't sure how to talk to him. I told my mom no thanks, and I never go to talk to him again. Over a decade later that still haunts me.
I loved the ending. Barley was always Ian's link to his dad, so having Barley be the one at the end who got to have a quick conversation with their dad: a) gave Barley a proper chance to say goodbye. And B) Barley still has to relay what their dad said to Ian, he continues to be that link between the two of them.
The part when Barley talked about how he couldn't say goodbye to his dad when he was dying just... made me break when I first saw it. I just couldn't. It reminded me of my Granddaddy when he was dying of parkinson's disease and he was just... I didn't recognize him and I didn't want to speak to him because it hurt so much to see him just... in pieces.
"You were my roommate" TELL ME WHY this is the first time I realized that they're actually friends and he isn't just broadcasting his therapy sessions to us all... I need help
Personally, I didn’t mind that Ian never got to meet his dad. What I thought was really unfortunate was that his dad never got to meet him. The guy seems like he would be pretty at peace with his terrible situation. His one regret would be in having a son he never gets to meet. And he doesn’t get his final wish to resolve his regret. Ian gets what he needs even though he doesn’t get what he wants. I don’t think his dad really gets all he needs. Which happens...but it sucks.
I was just gonna comment this! We lost my father in law last year and my mother in law last week. The fact that they will never meet our child when they were so looking forward to it kills me!!
I don't know. I think if I was a dead parent magically brought back to life for a few minutes, and I had to choose between visiting with the child who I partially raised, or meeting the child I had never met before for the first time... I would visit with the child I raised. Yes, there would be some regret and sadness with never getting to meet one of my kids, but in the end, we were strangers, we didn't know each other at all. Realistically, there's no connection there like with the older one.
@@GoddoDoggo The staff was a gift to Ian tho? Which pretty much confirms his Dad would have loved to meet him. I don't hate/dislike the film but Ian not meeting his father even for a second is pretty underwhelming, and we all know that moment for Ian would be full of "what if's" in the future whenever he remembers it.
I think the real beauty of the ending was the fact that Ian loved his brother so much, he was willing to sacrifice that moment to let him have it instead because he knew he needed it more.
@@GingerIntrovert I don't think anyone is disputing that from Ian's perspective. But I'm saying that, from the father's perspective, losing his one wish to be able to meet his two grown up sons is incredibly sad in more than just a bitter-sweet way.
One thing I loved about Barley is that, even though he was the one so into magic that one could call him obsessed, he never acted /envious/ towards Ian for being the one who could DO magic. Instead, he was thrilled for him. I loved that. Also just loved Barley in general, the way he aways was there for Ian. Like you said, he stepped into the father role. It’s beautiful.
I think its because the popular Pixar movies have a lot of layers and they kinda show you all the layers explicitly. Like with inside out and coco, I know exactly when I’m supposed to cry and I know what I’m supposed to get out of it. But movies like soul or onward, I think the audience has to like dive deeper and look for themselves to get a personal like lesson from it and for people that dont want to do that extra work to find the lesson? The ending might not feel satisfying for them or too deep to get all the lessons
@@bessieburnet9816 I mean maybe, but I feel like Soul still got a lot of attention when it came out, whereas I barely heard anything about Onward even though it's equally as deserving of praise
@@AmandaBee I saw lots of previews of Onward for months before the shutdown, only for it to only get like 2 weeks in the theaters before the shutdown hit. And at that time, production companies really didn’t have a COVID back-up plan. Soul, on the other hand, came out after we had been already shut down for many months and was given an on demand home release. So, oddly enough, more people have had a chance to watch Soul than had a chance to see Onward. Hopefully, when this whole pandemic ends and movie theaters are allowed to reopen, they’ll rerelease Onward.
@@madnessarcade7447 For me it was devastatingly sad. I spent a significant amount of what I did watch bawling my eyes out and the part where the kid has the list of things he wants to tell his dad did me in.
oh man, im so sorry for that. the concept of the movie was pretty rough for some folks who relate much, i feel you. hope you're doing better though, have a lovely day
@@justinaclayburn2248 this movie was the first time I had to put it on pause because I was crying so hard. I lost my mom when I was 3... and I just realised that was 20 years ago! I'm pretty much barely
Thank you for all the comments of support. I was proud of myself for being able to actually watch Cinema Therapy discuss this film (as I sobbed my way though doing my dishes 😝).
I lost both my parents fairly young. My mom passed before I got married or had my daughter and my father passed two months after my daughter was born. This movie resonates with me. Trying to find who I am as an adult and a parent with their absence.
@@ldb10812 I don't know which words are right to say but I will try. I think everything is going to feel better, and I hope you and your family will heal from this
@@ldb10812 I also don't know what to say but as someone who has 'only' lost my mom I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, I'm sending you a virtual hug if that's okay
"I'm not ready" "You'll never be 'ready'" What a wonderful way to remind yourself of just how much we can but shouldn't let our fear dictate our progress
My dad left before I was born, and because he left instead of dying, my family didn't see the need for me to grieve or to step in to feel the gap from my not having a father figure. I also don't have any siblings. This movie really spoke to me because I have always wanted to know more about my father (I know literally nothing) and ask my father why he left in the first place #cyingwithAlan
I am so sorry. I have a baby boy who may never get to meet his father because of choices, but I know it's important for them to know who he was even though I'm a little afraid of the day they start asking questions.
The part of this movie that makes me cry the hardest is when Barley is talking about not going in to the hospital room. It reminds me of when my grandma was admitted into the hospital for a few days. (Which wasn't uncommon for her) The night before she passed away my parents took me and my little sister aside to let us know that this was a little more serious than the other times, and that she might not recover and could die from it. They told us to take the moment in properly and prepare for things to go south. However, I was childishly in denial, and believed that, odds are, everything would be fine. She'd been in the hospital multiple times before, and had been fine. She was still relatively young. She had the doctors and her two medically trained kids looking after her. 'I'll see her again tomorrow.' I thought. I remember being kind of checked out during the hospital visit. I worried for her, but didn't want to believe that she wouldn't be okay. I remember being tired, and wanting to go home. I gave her a chaste hug and a simple goodbye. I remember choosing to go to school the next morning, instead of waking up early to visit her again. The next thing I knew, my teacher came up to me, telling me that my mom was pulling me out of class early. As I got in the car, my mom told me that my grandma's condition had worsened severely. They had put her under for a surgery, only to find out too late that her vitals weren't in the right place to safely proceed with the surgery, and for the same reason, they couldn't wake her up. So the next time I saw her, she was asleep. And she remained asleep until she passed away about two hours later. I might have been able to talk to her one last time, if I had chosen to visit her instead of going to school, but I hadn't. So I never gave her a proper goodbye, and I didn't get the chance to hear her give me one. And it breaks my heart till this very day. Whenever I hear Barley in this scene, it's as though I'm listening to myself. And that's a hurt that will never go away, no matter how many times I watch it.
I'm really sorry that you have to live with that feeling of guilt, but some time ago I read a quote that said: "The end of a life is the sum of the love that was lived in it". I know it's terrible not being able to say goodbye to a loved one, but that quote remind me that at the end of the day, even if we couldn't be with them in their last moments, we accompany them with love during their lives. That's something we shouldn't forget.
I wrote my grandma a valentine's card right before she died (3rd grade). She was in the hospital after a lifetime of heart problems. I never got to give her the card.
This is extremely different but also similar in some ways - almost the opposite? In any case, I visited my grandpa one time (just at his house) and I hugged for like an hour, and kept hugging even when I got a bit restless (no bad feeling, just like to hug people for as long as I can even if it’s slightly uncomfortable because the comfort of hugs overrules that and a bunch of other reasons) and for most of the hug it was like ‘perhaps I can stop the hug now..but *hug,* I don’t see him often and love him and also I love hugs’ etc etc. just sort of monologue about the hug and how long it should last and stuff. Anyway I didn’t even know he was sick.. I got home and my parents were like “wow that was really nice, he probably really appreciates and cherishes that, and you didn’t even know he’s dying’ And I never saw him awake again. And it’s a memory that sticks out to me, and even though I didn’t know he was sick or properly say goodbye I sort of accidentally made a nice last moment. And so I don’t have to regret anything because somehow I managed to unknowingly give myself closure and it’s at moments like these that I really appreciate it
I lost my older brother in 2019, never had my father in my life. Sadly after he passed I realized that my brother was that father figure I needed and unfortunately never got the chance to thank him for this. This movie honestly brought that to life and I cried like a baby❤
I had a similar experience; I lost my sister in 2017. While I did have a mother, she was very distant; my sister was the one who stepped into that role. When Ian checks his list off thinking of Barley, and when he tells Barley "I never needed my dad, because I had you." I broke. Holy shit I don't think I had ever cried so hard up to that point.
Barley and Ian are literally me and my sister. We watched this movie together and kept seeing ourselves; she's a shy, quiet, kid with anxiety and I'm her nerdy, D&D loving, older sister who constantly embarrasses her with my social ineptitude (on the autism spectrum- don't people well). Seeing them work through their differences and grow closer has really improved our relationship and how we support each other.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the dynamic between the main brothers too relatable, me and my sister both watched this movie when it came out in theatres, and we couldn't hold back tears even during the first few minutes during the movie cause we both grew up with losing our father, and the kind of grief it has on both of us, I love this movie a lot, and I'm glad to know there are others who were touched by it as well.
I like how you guys aren't scared to cry in front of the cameras and feel secure enough to share your feelings and details about your lives. I really like this channel and its videos.
Me too!! I feel like I am learning to cry with Alan. In my family no one ever cried so I kind of internalized it wasn't allowed and everytime something emotional happened I just felt the lump in my throat but no tears.. Watching this emotional bits and seeing Alan cry too is allowing me to get out a tear or two.. SO LIBERATING
I connected with Barley a lot. I'm the "screw up" older brother. I feel like Barley just defines success differently than most people, and they don't really see his real value until the end.
I think sometimes we oldest siblings don't quite launch into our own lives because we're taking care of the family. It took me a while to "flourish" as an adult and I still feel like I'm finding my bearings in a lot of ways, but being there for my younger siblings was worth it, so I have no regrets
“There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends.” -The Last Unicorn. A dark fantasy from 1982 you may also enjoy. Thank you for this review, there’s something in it for us all.
This is my favorite Pixar movie. As an older sibling who had to take on a parental role I had to step up and be a somewhat father figure to my youngest sibling. I see myself in Barley as does my sibling. We got so close after this movie came out and I owe this movie so much. Having a 12-year-old age gap made so much of a distance between us, but Onward gave us some common ground.
Oh man this movie, all the little moments where Barley puts Ian first without him even noticing. Like when they almost drown and he pulls Ian to the surface first, it's just so beautiful!
There’s about a million things I could say about this movie, but the biggest thing is that this movie made me cry, not because of anything in the movie, but how it related to my life. I’ve never been close to my dad but there were plenty of other men in my life who filled a fatherly role. Because of this movie, I now call those men my “Barleys”.
My dad also died when my mum was pregnant with me and my sister was two when he passed. This movie really helped me. I always wanted to know what my dad was like because im always told that i look and act exactly like him. Thx for this guys.
That one dislike is probably from someone who didn't like feeling so attacked with emotions. I understand bruh, I teared up a couple of times even though we didn't even watch the whole movie.
When Barley confided in Ian about their dad not looking like himself, I almost broke down crying. I thought back to one of the last times I went and saw my maternal grandmother in the hospital about the same age as Barley was when his dad died (5 or 6). She too was hooked up to a whole bunch of machines, and while she was still acting like the Grandma Kiki I knew, it scared me a little because of how weak she looked. I think I did get to tell her something along the lines of "i'll miss you, grandma" before I left, but yeah. Seeing a loved one looking like that right before you lose them is rough, especially when you're really young
In a way, it's very therapeutic for me to watch these videos and see grown men cry and not be completely ashamed by it. My entire life I was constantly told that crying wasn't something that men or boys did. It was unmanly, or a sign of weakness. Here is two grown men willing to show hundreds of thousands if not millions of people, tears in their eyes. Very therapeutic indeed.
Women get that message too, but obviously not in the same way. We’re either already the lowest we can be socially (thanks misogyny!) so Why Not, or (like in my case) trying so hard to be taken seriously by trying to contain and shut off our emotions -too bad I’m a stresscryer. THANKS adhd + anxiety…- But like. The most stoic women still aren’t treated like people, any show of emotion still makes them “hysterical”, and now they’re “cold dragon ladies.” Like…we just can’t win. That all to say…just let people cry! There’s so much shame dropped on it
Barley's line hurts the most for me, because it's the same reason I didn't go to see my grandpa when he was dying. I still get upset when thinking about it, and feeling bad that I chose not to. But I'm grateful my dad understood why when I said no.
I WAS pregnant, but I cried so hard during this movie. When Ian was looking back on all the ways Barley filled the missing space of his dad, but way more when Ian gave up his chance to meet their dad so Barley could have one more moment with him. Oof. All the feels.
I'm 15 weeks and I have deliberately avoided this movie because I KNOW I will just sob my guts out through the whole thing! I couldn't even make it through this video 😭
I agree, Ian gave his brother the gift of closure in a sense. I've never understood the controversy with some viewers; Ian discovered he had what he needed, and in turn gave his brother what his brother needed. It was beautiful.
My Grampy died of cancer in 2006 and even as a young adult seeing him hooked up to machines was hard. So I don’t blame Barley for not wanting to go into the room as a small child.
I really liked the ending because it's realistic, if you're a someone whose never met your parent because they're dead, you'll never be able to meet them. So it only made sense he never met him. I loved this movie so much because they didn't pretend that you'll be able to see that person ever again and you find it elsewhere. ❤️
I really loved that the older brother got to see their dad again. Sometimes in life, we need to realize that /we/ need to be the supporting role for someone else. We can't be the protagonist 100% of the time. I didn't think this was the best movie, but thematically and ideally the concepts and plot were amazing
It's not framed as a good thing. She goes to further extremes because the loss of Vision is just the latest in the parade of loss that's been her life, and she doesn't have anyone else to support. This is the conflict of the show, and it causes a lot of hurt that's only resolved when she finally learns to , you know, move onward. I've seen people hate Wanda a surprising amount and it's like... who amongs us wouldn't do the same if we had her powers? We'd abuse them for way less.
It really got me when Jonathan asked Alan: "Is it healing for you [to be able to help make good, healthy, loving memories for your kids]". Because I grew up with 2 very emotionally unavailable and inconsistent parents... my mother was also very emotionally abusive. Now that I'm 20 and I'm in therapy, learning to recover memories from my childhood and dig deeper into those relationships, I feel a lot of grief and sadness for the family I wish I had but never did. One day I know I will be a loving parent for my kids and hopefully, that will be healing for me too.
I was waiting for this video. I lost my dad to cancer when I was younger, still wear his sweatshirt from his alma mater. The character even looked like my dad. Hit very close to home and the ending hit hard. I always wished my dad left some note or way to reconnect with him when I got older.
My dad got cancer when I was in third grade, but actually survived. I almost lost my dad, and that alone was hard. I can hardly imagine losing him fr which is what you've experienced. I'll be praying for you 💜
Seeing the clip of Barley admitting he didnt want to go in to say goodbye to his dad suddenly really clicked with me. This whole movie clicks with me more every time I watch it. My dad died in an accident when I was 13. Just gone. One day I was chatting with him, the next day my mom was telling me he'd died. So I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him, but I still had to say goodbye at his funeral. When my mom took me up to see him in his casket. And what Barley says really hits home. He just didn't look like himself.
I went through something similar, my grandmas raised me more than my parents so when they got sick I was terrified and after they died I had a lot of regret. These videos are helping me heal
I completely understand why people would be mad that Ian never saw his dad. But I know from experience that its probably better this way. My dad, the one who raised me, died when I was 14. I knew he wasn't my bio dad but never met my real one. After he died I wanted to meet him but then he passed away before I got the chance a year later. I sometimes regret never even seeing him and only hearing stories (very sim. to the movie). but then I thought it would taint the image I have of the one who was there for me and actually raised me. This movie helps me move past that in showing that its ok to not know. The person that was there is the one you focus on. Its a unique take but a very good one.
when barley talks about his 4th memory i was like crying so much in the theater because that exact thing happened to me with my mom when she passed away and it hurts me to even think about the fact that i didn't go in.
Yeah that was one of the last memories I have of my mom too, although unlike Onward in the last 15 years I haven't really had anyone to turn to. I know in part at the time there were people I could have turned to but didn't want to. Now I don't have any family I can turn to and a friend I'm working on getting closer to but it's not really the same.
Onward was literally the last movie I watched before the pandemic, it deserved so much more. Just the perfect movie. I loved EVERYTHING about this movie. There is nothing I could find that I had a problem with. It was *chef kiss* perfect.
Same here! I saw it for the first time with my family, and I loved it so much! Between it coming out and the start of the pandemic, I would go to the theater and rewatch it on my own over and over. It is very special to me. 😊
I didn't know what I was getting into when I started this movie. I thought it was going to be a fun animated movie but when he realized his brother was the dad he always wanted hit me in the heart 💘💝 I was crying so hard. My brother died on the anniversary of our mother's death and I was alone watching this.
I loved the moment when Ian told Barley to have the time with their dad so he could say goodbye. It was so beautiful to see he understood how much his brother needed the closure even when Barley didn't himself.
“Gosh darn it” Two things make us cry: Pixar and cinema therapy. I felt this movie was more happy and touching than sad so i did not need to cry. Inside out on the other hand is another story.
I agree, Inside Out was way more sad, so of course it made me cry. However, Onward also made me ugly cry simply BECAUSE it was so touching 😭❤ "Gosh dang it, Pixar" is right lol
Onward came out 2 months after i lost my step dad. He was more of a dad to me than my actual dad. He died very unexpectedly and in a way where I couldn’t say goodbye to him. Watching the end of this movie always gets me cause Barley gets another chance to say Goodbye to his father. I can only imagine myself in his shoes, so every time Barley gets hugged by his dad, I feel my step dad hugging me. Another great movie that deals with grief is over the moon. I recommend reacting to that movie as well.
Pixar has had a really great movement toward loss and acceptance with Coco, Inside Out, and Onward. Soul was almost there, but the cop-out ending bummed me out. I'm glad this movie gives you comfort. I've found it is much easier to explain some of our family losses to my kids with movies like this (Over The Moon is a family favorite. The You're Wonderful song gets me choked up every time!)
"Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious … and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." -Walt Disney
Man. This one had me crying like 3 minutes in when Ian was talking to his dads old college mate. My father passed away when I was 18, before I really cared about who he was, or really any stories he had. There is so much I don’t know about him, and I don’t talk to his side of the family because they disowned me for living with my mother right before he passed (like I had much of a choice). I get very sad thinking I don’t know much about my dad. I do have a lot of memories with him, but I wish I knew him and his story better, especially from the bits and pieces i do know, I wish I knew more. 😭
I think it's so profound that Ian didn't get to see his Dad. My granny passed away during this pandemic but she had Alzheimers before that. She didn't know who any of her family were for a good 2 years before she passed. For all of us, not being able to be there to tell her how much we loved her was really, really hard. Once all this virus stuff is over, we're all going to meet up, have a huge dinner and share our memories of her as she was before Alzheimers took her away from us. #cryingwithAlan
My parents did not want to watch an animated movie, but they had to supervise for my younger sister. They were both surprised and deeply moved by the film. Most affecting animated movie IMO.
When I watched this movie with my family, and Barley talked about seeing his dad in the hospital... Mom got up and left the room. She later admitted that hearing that part was way too hard. Not because of seeing a parent hooked up to machines... but because she was reminded of seeing me, in 2018, in catastrophic organ shutdown and being hooked to machines and IVs, and tubes and... it scared her. I was unconscious for six days... I am MUCH better (and smarter) now! I have no intention if ever repeating that week!
I was a wreck when Barley was talking about the last time he saw his dad because the last time I saw my grandpa was when he was dying in a hospital bed with all this medical equipment strapped to his face and body. That’s the last image I have of my grandpa and I wish that it wasn’t.
I refused to see my mother the last few days as she was dying in a hospice from lung cancer. I didn't want my last image of her to be this horrible withered husk. Sometimes I wonder if my siblings think I was selfish, but one of my sisters told me recently that she wished she hadn't seen her that way, either. I also refused to look at my dad's dead body in a coffin before they cremated him, and again, that same sister said she wished she hadn't. People tell you you have to see them dead or you can't process the death, but that's not true at all. They shouldn't tell people that. I think it causes a lot of harm.
I watched this movie for the first time ever a week after my mom passed away suddenly from liver cancer. I took off work to have time to grieve, got a free disney subscription and I was binging disney movies all week. I watched this movie after having no idea what it was about first and let me tell you when I say I was sobbing throughout the ENTIRE movie. I was absolutely crushed. This movie represents loss, regret and grieving so well, I was blown away. Everyone should watch it at least once.
My mom died when I was young and the scene where Barley talks about how he was afraid of going in to say goodbye because of all the tubes really just choked my soul cuz it’s true-seeing your mother/father hooked up to a bunch of medical equipment, with sallow skin and whatnot is really fucking scary
