When people say rape victims “were asking for it” I always come in and say “Did my 12 year old self ask for it wearing my required school uniform?” It shuts them up every time.
"You shouldn't have trusted him, and stay with your relatives" Bro it was my uncle Edit: a lot of people are opening and replying, i wish y’all the best, you are strong, we are strong.
Star Rose that’s one of the most annoying things I hear! Like it’s traumatic, and you could have so many reasons that you didn’t report. You could have not known what was going on, you could be scared they’d do it again, anything could happen!
I didn't report it because I remembered what it was like when I was taken and sexually assaulted on the bus heading to school! I went through hell with proof, cameras caught it, classmates watched it, everyone saw what happened. Yet the police had the nerve to say and I quote "you should see Precious, she's been through worse!" So when I was raped by an acquaintance with no proof, I was not going through a rape kit, or an interrogation, I'd deal with it differently cause the legal system left more wounds than that coward ever could.
Because I was a child and didn't know what was happening. Because of dissociative amnesia where i locked it away so it wouldn't hurt me, til I had flash backs, still can't remember all of it and that im grateful for.
Star Rose I told my adoptive mom the second time it happened and I told her what happened and she said it was my fault and wouldn’t let me report it. Then the 3rd time it happened I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t think they would believe me
Summer Dais yes, love this! And also a simple "I'm here for you" is so empowering. We have to empower victims of sexual assault, that's the only way we can get more rapists behind bars.
"why didn't you fight" Most people get shocked, they don't know how to react, because it's gross, because it's something that they didn't thought they'd go through, because it's really scary. That's why most people can't react.
@@tsuyuasui2494 That Sweetie is right, and that abuse victims have to suffer just as much at the hands/words of unaffected idiots/police/bloodsucking attorneys, as by the actual perpetrator. That the unaffected, actually play the victim when saying nonsense like "why didnt you fight" may not be evidently visible to some - but it is very disturbing to hear these things if you are affected by trauma. They need to hide behind their little view instead of asking honestly how these things go down, how and why. The way we are asked, is often so condescending that it might be just as satisfying to smack the perps as the "innocent" bystander conformist carbohydrate bags,.. We need to educate the masses a bit more about trauma, unless we want the world turn into shit.. 1 in 4 was abused at least once... Even if it were 1 in 20 only, those are HUGE NUMBERS of ticking timebombs... Yes, we are being treated like timebombs, because society the way it rolls, cant be bothered with social INCLUSION for victims... COuntless factors exclude em.. All the while the perps (if not sewed successfully) walk around free and privileged.. Of course they will never find peace... But i think we should help victims more - then we have less outbursts of chaos.. The whole process of our justice system does NOT help the victims, it often retraumatizes them in their most vulnerable moments.. Only survivors of such crimes and psychologists should formulate the laws and processes by which we can identify trauma, and hold perpetrators responsible. Our justice system enables crime on every level.. This is because the unaffected dont understand Trauma. So in a way, with these kinda crimes we need a different process.. Most survivors of childhood abuse CANNOT possibly know the details our justice system requires to catch criminals. As such what we do is, we basically bully the survivors, quench em into the most unbearable positions, and in the end it DOESNT EVEN SERVE JUSTICE. There are many ways by which we can determine things scientifically - psychologically and neurologically. We need a new system for THESE kinda crimes.. Either that, or we need a little purge... ;) It is not acceptable how many survivors have to deal with this SHIT system - all while the perps can walk around freely.. If we would for example be more open to topics like mobbing, we could easily psychologically assess who actually speaks he truth.. But scapegoating and mobbing is LITERALLY the ticket to heaven for judeao-christian doctrine. The term scapegoating as you may know actually stems from weird jewish ritual to "cast the sins of the community" on the head of an innocent goat and then send it into the desert (exclude it) so that it can die there.. That basically is the quintessential core of judaism and xtianity - god and the ppl need an innocent scapegoat and sacrificial lambs, so that their society can move on.. The notion that another should suffer for some1 elses shortcomings is the most heinous crime there is - and these ppl have a religion where THIS is actually their way to liberation... It makes me sick if i just think about it.. Most victims are unsure, and our justice system is a weird kinda popularity contest.. As such it is unfit for this world. A broken justice system desytroys social cohesion!! Destruction is often the consequence of that. English is not my native language, from your comment i can see why you were asking though... :D It wasnt clear whoom i was really critizing... So now its clear i hope ;) Maybe the normie problems (some would say not real problems at all) can be solved the old way - we need new ways of determination for certain types of crimes.. If we would go with what psychology found out last century, we wouldnt have that issue... But normies prefer to sell pharma ;^) PS: Normal comes from the term "norma", which means a carpenters measurement tool... So a normal one is what his masonic masters want him to be - normalized, ergo sick. Best regards, hold up
My mom asked me why I didn't scream. What she doesn't get is that in my head I screaming so loud but my voice was gone and I didn't fight because everything froze .
That's the thing, people either fight or freeze when confronted with something traumatic. It does not make anyone less of a victim and survivor if they could not actively oppose the situation.
Anele Ntenjwa you are not alone, that’s a very common reaction and there was nothing you could’ve done to stop that. most people who haven’t experienced such trauma don’t understand how they would respond. it was not your fault
"They could be lying" Alright but so could literally anybody else about any crime. Assault,grand theft,murder, anything. Yet somehow it seems like sexually assaulted people get the worst of the "they could be lying".
MargaritaMolly with in 2 day span, it has evidence in their area, but u can't take a shower cuz seaman will go out. They go to doctor to do a test. but yeah they could be lying if they dont have evidence
Chainhog IdkwhatToPutAsLastNameXD Imagine someone saying that they got something stolen from them. And you asked "are you sure you didn't let them take it? You didn't give it to them?" This doesn't happen with any other crime.
wolf pack That’s extremely fucked up that people said that to you. You are a very brave person for coming forth. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong❤️❤️
Attention seeking? More like a call for help honestly. I can't stand people who say behaviors are attention seeking. Maybe people are seeking attention FOR A REASON?
I'm so glad they mentioned how sexual assault isn't about attractiveness or sexual intentions it's about power and vulnerability and no one seems to be aware of that.
No they absolutely do not play a role. Zero percent. Trust the victims and criminals, not the science documentaries you've watched on RU-vid. This is never about attractiveness. It's about feeling like you control another human being and they will do anything you say out of fear. It's enjoying seeing that fear in the eyes of the victim and wanting more of it. It's literally torture.
@@RacingPepe "Don't trust science" Getting assaulted doesn't make you a boxing expert, getting robbed doesn't make you an expert on larceny statistics, why do people think getting raped makes you a rape expert
I reported my rapist. He admitted to it and is going to prison, yet some old friends of mine still spread rumors about me saying I made it all up for money and attention. I'm left with no friends and can't explain to anyone I meet why I'm so lonely. If I do, I get bombarded with these sort of questions. It sucks. People suck. At least I'm lucky enough to have gotten justice.
MissOnslow People who treat survivors like that are the worst kind. Once when I was sixteen or so two of my friends who didn't know each other went out with me. They both shared their experiences with assault. The way they bonded in that moment made me feel honored that they could trust me and each other. I'm proud they are strong and trusting of me enough to tell me. Since then, many friends have had similar experiences. I try and hopefully manage to be totally supportive. The only question I ask is what I can do to help. That's the only question that matters, and God help anyone who talks shit about them in my earshot. I wish you had the kind of friends who treated you right. Fuck those people for failing you. Hopefully, you will meet better people in the future. At the very least my heart goes out to you and I wish you strength and love wherever you are.
"you must've wanted it a little bit" that was said to me by the perpetrator, i was 8, 9, and 10. "why didn't you report it?" it was my stepbrother and he lived with me. i did report it when i was 13 and was told i was a liar and it was all in my head
C Gough I reported my uncle when I was four he did it over 50 times. I got adopted and told my adoptive mom what a different guy did and she said it was my fault and wouldn’t let me report it. When I was 16 it was a stranger and I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t think they would beleive me.
@@shaynakrutsch4941 damn I'm sorry, my mom never reported it when i told her and she actually blamed it on my uncle then gaslighted me into thinking i was brainwashed by my dad and that this story was all in my head. I'm sorry that happened to you i hope you are staying strong
I truly hope that one day, people who have experienced sexual assault will not feel ashamed anymore because they are not guilty of anything. You are strong, your are brave, you didn't deserve that.
For that very reason, when I was raped by a man who broke into my apartment, I shouted it out to everyone I knew. He was really stupid and left fingerprints so he got 11 years in prison. My dad told me he didn't want to know about it because he felt bad that he couldn't protect me. I told him, the guy had a knife, how would you protect me? Two years after he got out of prison he assaulted another woman and that time he did cut her up. My testimony helped put him away for life.
I was once sexually assaulted and I turned the guy to the police, and when the policeman asked me questions he asked "were you drunk?" and "what were you wearing?" ._.
Stina Hansen A friend of mine was raped and weeks later when we had a sleepover the police called to ask her some questions and her mom set the phone on speaker. The so called "officer" said to her and I quote: She must have enoyed it. Its only natural if she was Wet down there those guys could got into her".. Not only were those words disguisting but the tone was pervy to put it lightly as well 😠. The guy ended up losing his job and the devils got what they deserved.
"Why didn't you fight?" is one of the hardest questions to answer, because when you're asked that, you are forced to look back and think of all the possible ways you could've escaped. You then start to ask yourself that question too. "Why didn't I just run away? Why didn't I scream or call for help?" - It's honestly not that simple. When you're in that situation; when you are actually being assaulted; and when it's by a family member... Your mind doesn't, won't and can't work conventionally. So, if you're still reading up to this point, I want you to do something. That is: when a person tells you their story - when they have to relive all that pain and suffering, don't ask questions. Just listen. All these seemingly harmless questions linger in a person's mind and makes them regret not doing what they wish they had. So please, for my - and every other victim of sexual assault's sake: Just listen.
Cr33pycat: Thank you so much for posting this comment. I've always been uncomfortable about how to handle a situation to where a person would open up an assault story like this. I never knew what to say or how to react if the time would ever come, but now I know and it completely makes sense
Briana Muskus, You're welcome. I'm glad you took the time to read what I said and consider it. The best thing to do for someone - when the need arises - is to sit through it, don't ask for details, and let them know that they have a well of unconditional support from you. It makes all the difference. :)
Sometimes, when you find yourself in that situation, your mind just goes blank and you freeze, It's like a way your body has to try and block the horror you're going through, even if you remember everything afterwards. I think most people would totally have wanted to DO something about it, but they just couldn't. I couldn't.
It's well explained here. People have so many wrong assumptions what rape is like and what's it about. People are different and there is a variety of reactions. tvo.org/video/programs/the-agenda-with-steve-paikin/the-truth-about-trauma
Anyone can be sexually assaulted or raped, just because you're gay, lesbian, male or female doesn't mean that you can't get raped or that it isn't as bad, it scars people for a long time. Consent is necessary, not sexy. You usually get raped by relatives or Friends of your family A lot of people get raped when there really young, they can't fight and people don't usually Believe them
the day after i was sexually assaulted i was talking to my friend about it and she told me that i was overreacting and i shouldn't let this control my life. THE DAY AFTER I WAS SEXUALLY ASSUALTED
Edgy Edgerod when I told my friend she laughed and said why does it matter (only one of them said that my real friends were made and told there parents) the worst part is that I was in the middle of school no one saw anything and the kid didn't get in trouble because only my (true) friends believed me and my mom. The teachers did nothing
He commented it because the man in the video said in the beginning that people accused him of having lived a fantasy by being assaulted by a straight man. Waldemar didn't say anything about knowing someone's sexuality just by looking at them.
The guy himself claimed that a 'straight man' sexually assaulted him so the attacker must of been gay. A straight rapist would raped a woman not a man. LikeSTokio is correct as I never said I knew the sexuality of the man, it's just obvious that a gay man would rape another man unless he was bisexual but h's definitely not straight.
The first therapist I ever went to I told her "I was sexually assaulted by my brother while I was asleep" and she said "I don't believe you" ... 🙄 Your job is to AT LEAST listen to my problems. Like, it's the LEAST you can do
Brittany G. My bother used to touch me in my sleep when i was 7. and he had an obsession with me ever since, and a year ago he tried to rape me but the only thing that prevented it from happening is that i tried to stab him in the neck when he tried . Im thinking of getting a therapist, but my worst fear is that they wouldn't believe me .
yeah when I told a guy I was dating that my brother sexually assaulted me for years, the first thing he said was 'I'm jealous of your brother haha' worst thing I've ever heard. Im terrified to tell anyone, cause everytime the person says something to hurt me.
This doesn't have to specifically relate to sexual assault, but anytime a person says "But you look so happy now" in a way that insinuates we're lying, I just think- "So I'm not allowed to heal? Or to move on? I'm supposed to just wallow in pain and self pity making myself feel miserable?"
@@danielpetkov3856 Okay but they totally are, I know from experience- the people who say "get over it" are the same people who act surprised when something terrible happens to you and you DO get over it
Dj fandrus Actually people can orgasm during rape. It's an automatical reaction of the body. Denying it only makes people to whom it happened feel even more like it's their fault and they should be ashamed.
Yesterday, I read about a woman, who had been getting extreme hate because she didn't inform her rapist that she was HIV-positive, before he raped her. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
"What were you wearing?" I was 11 "Were you drunk?" I WAS 11 "You must have wanted it." I. WAS. 11. "Why didn't you fight?" I!WAS!!11!!! "Why didn't you report it?" I did! I went to the police station and filed a report! The police literally said a few days later that they weren't going to do anything because the guy was young and boys will be boys.
Gold Rose I wouldn’t blame the #metoo. It’s society. The same one that shames men for speaking out about it. #Metoo helps victims learn that they aren’t alone
That's is the harsh reality and because of the stigma of men being sexually assaulted. To a certain extent, society is kind of sympathetic towards women being raped because women are considered the fairer sex. Unfortunately for men, society scoffs at the idea of men being raped. Men are suppose to be strong and be able to physically protect themselves according to society. So there's no possible way that a man can be overpowered by another man or woman for that matter. Tell that to men who were drugged, beaten, retrained, overpowered by their rapist, no matter how hard they tried to fight back. The harsh reality is that anyone could be sexually assaulted no matter the gender,race, religion, age, socioeconomic background, attire a person is wearing, etc.
Nomsa Ntuli Stereo typically guys usually are the ones who rape not the other way around in a majority of people’s minds so it’s hard for them to understand and realize that it does actually happen to men as well.
I've known women and men who've been sexually assaulted, as children and adults, and their wildly varied stories only have ONE thing in common: the people (family/friends/police) who should've been helpful & supportive after the attack did more damage with questions & reactions like those mentioned here than the actual attacker. The victims get over the physical damage quickly, but the blame & lack of support stays with them for years, sometimes a lifetime.
Yes could not agree more @33 just realizing how much self blame I went through all my adult life and how it has stopped me from even knowing who I really am. Just now realized I need help. The closest people failed me and it was not the first time and it still hurts so so much.
Yes I agree!!! That's what really happens and because you didn't get support that time, you develop trust issues. And you don't get the closure needed to move on. Leaving you in this weird situation
The "I believe you" really does feel good. A man who used to do my hair, was told about the situation because I was really young and he said, "Are you sure you didn't tempt him?" .... I don't know how an 8 year old tempts a grown man but okay...
I agree with the 8 year old comment. That is why I make a point to always believe in children, over something so serious. My Mum failed me in this and I never want to make the same mistake as her.
Endless Awakening That is the most wonderful thing you can do. We should start believing in children more or at least give them enough support for them to know who they can turn to when they really need help.
Okay first of all, I know right. I was 7 years old when someone molested me, and I've stopped telling people because I always got those comments. "You should've just fought back" "You could've done something" NO. I WAS SEVEN. Second of all, hEY FELLOW PENTAHOLIC
I agree that you shouldn't be asked whether you tempted him or anything like that, however when it comes to sexual assault victims coming forward, it seems people forget about the idea of innocent until proven guilty and expect the justice system to simply arrest someone based on your word.
I go to a "upper class" private school and whenever rape is mentioned, everybody talks about that stuff like this never happens in our circles. In Reality I know 4 girls who were raped, all of them were 14-16 when it happened and those are only the ones who told me about it...
Please do "Things not to say to someone with anxiety," I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was a kid and people usually just think I'm annoyingly shy lmao
people don't think i'm shy because my anxiety doesnt effect the fact that i'm extroverted so people just think im a "nut job, basket case, unstable" because I'm pretending to be fine until i cant
Or ppl think you are pretending and causing drama bc you ''need attention'' or they say ''it's not that bad you're going through a fase'' uhg if they only knew
"You must have wanted it a little bit..." Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and abusers have been using that against they're victims for years. I HATE being tickled. But the knowledge that I don't like it doesn't stop my body from reacting the way it does... Also, "yes" is the sexiest word in the english language
I was told I wasn't raped because I was in a relationship with him. My parents don't believe me, nor do my friends.. and I'm seen as a psycho. This guy is walking free, believing he's done nothing wrong at all. I didn't report him because no one believed me, I had no evidence and I was too scared. I live everyday being the guilty one, and he's living an amazing life. It's ruined my life, and I can't do anything about it.
My school had this talk where a women came in and talked about her experience. She says although she was young when she was raped, she never wears skirts or dresses because she wore a dress to a party and someone asked her if thats what she got raped in. Then a man came who said he was raped by a women who had drugged him. Someone next ti me said that it was FAKE, i dont talk to that person anymore. Rape isnt a gender thing. Men can get raped by women or men just as much as women can get raped by men or women. At the end of the talk the man got up, with a tear down his eye and said " Being raped dosent define who you are, but it defines who the rapist is" Then the women got up and said " Being raped dosent define who I am, but it defines what society thinks of me" This hit me. Well, i have anxiety issues, but this hit me.
There's something you've cleared up for me that for a long time I felt bad and confused about since society always said it was a guy raping a girl- rarely a girl raping a guy. But saying that a guy can rape a guy and a girl can rape a girl..just..thankyou for bringing that up..
I’m in the same boat as you hun :( just remember that your experience is still 100% valid and your relationship with him doesn’t make you any less of a survivor, you are strong and brave!
People act as if when you date someone you love them forever and say yes to so many things. Being in a relationship is so complicated and sometimes u wanna break up w them and dont know how to. Or dont know what love is and you don’t realize you’re not in love. What does being in a relationship have to do with anything
Caseyisdrowning Omg, why don’t people understand this?! A relationship doesn’t entitle you to s*x anytime you want! I sometimes wish these people who claim it’s okay would be r*ped the moment they ever dated someone and then I would see if THEY still thought it was okay bc they were dating. Maybe it’s sick, but in so many situations where victims of stuff are made to feel bad about being victims, if the people shaming them were to experience it themselves, I’m sure they’d never do it again.
KawaiiBread That's what my friend says to people who ask him that. "You wanted it didn't you" "Did you give them any hints to it" "Were you wasted". Everytime he says "I was like 8 so no" it's really shitty that people try to blame the victim first
I was molested until I was 11 when I got my first period by my grandfather, and I never understood what was happening until I was about 12 I felt horrible, my parents always noticed a sudden change around that age and always asked me what was wrong and I couldn't bring up the courage to say something. I lost my relationship with my father and my brother because I didn't trust anyone. My grandfather lived in the same house as us so he would do it when my parents weren't home when he was baby sitting me, My grandmother was even home! Thankfully he never penetrated me however he tried to use his fingers to "open" me wider I think, it hurt... I feel disgusted everytime I think about it. I knew it wasn't my fault but it killed me everyday not telling anyone. One day I was having an argument with my parent and it spilled out... I never felt more relief and scared in my life. My parents believed me because my aunts and mum went through the same with him for their whole lives. He went to hospital that night faking a heart attack and never admitted what he did and soon after took his own life leaving my dementia prone grandmother behind. I've been through therapy and changed my outlook on life, I still cry sometimes it's normal. Sorry for the long post but I've never posted it anywhere and seeing all your stories encouraged me to. So thank you internet for siding with us real victims love you all and hope you find your peace like I'm trying to. ❤️❤️❤️
I was really encouraged by people’s stories too, people’s testimonies are powerful things. You sound like one strong ass individual though and I was really moved by your story so thank you for sharing!
Esme Medrano im so sorry hon, no judgement here just sending love and hugs your way. All power to you and other people who are willing to talk about what they went through. I was first touched when I was 11 years old. Just once.
You poor thing. Sending thoughts and prayers 🙏🏻 The situation with your grandad is very similar to one I’ve heard. It’s disgusting how the rapists always repeat the same behaviours Again sending my love and support, I hope you find peace💞
I am 13 and I was sexually assaulted by one of my “friends”. I liked him because he was nice to me and he was cute of course. He kept telling me that I was beautiful. At school he would always tell me that he wanted to go outside or just meet up with me and we could “do things”. At the time, I didn’t think much of it and that I was mature and I could handle anything that happened. Once we had walked out he lead me into the woods almost (tall grass behind the school), he told me to get down, he was kind of intimidating and scary in a way, so I did. Then I kept saying “no,no I can’t.” Then he pushed my head. He also grabbed my butt, touched me and made me touch him even more. I knew it was wrong but I still didn’t leave. Once I went into school, this happened before school, I was called into the office and had to tell the principal ,my parents, and my grandma. And had to report it to the police so my principal wouldn’t get in trouble. This was the WORST experience of my life. Ever since then people at my school call me a hoe, slut, etc and that I wanted it. They say that I walked out there with him so it couldn’t have been rape. And tell me how disgusting I am. I have cried almost every night since then and it was in august. I also feel that it was my fault. And everyone knows me as the girl who is easy. I have also been asked by many other guys to( you can fill in the blank) or they say ,out loud in the halls, to never do anything with me because I’ll just cry rape. if you have read this far I hope you know that it isn’t ok to victim shame and that words do truly hurt. And that if you have been assaulted yourself that you CAN overcome it and that what happened to you doesn’t make who you are. ❤️
Karly Llorens~ Hey sweet girl, I am so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that people have been especially cruel and unkind to you after the fact. You absolutely did not deserve what happened to you and regardless of what any fool tries to tell you, this was not your fault. No different from any other person who has been sexually assaulted. Sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape are more about power and control than sex. Sex is to rape like a kiss is to a punch in the mouth. Don't let anyone tear you down, sweet girl, and don't think that the ugly words they may call you or the ugly things they may tell you to do have any power over you. You still have YOU, precious one, and only you gets to decide who you are going forward. Be strong. You are strong. If no one in your family will help you get the counseling and help you desperately need and deserve now, please do NOT give up. Remind yourself every single day that you are strong, smart, and that you are beautiful, dammit. You can be the Phoenix who will rise above the ashes of this awful experience and rise above to become the You that you want to be. Try to find someone who is safe, who you can trust and try to get yourself some help. There are many rape hotlines and outreach programs out there-- make some contact with one and be your best advocate. This happened and I am so sorry. It doesn't change the fact that you are still a precious and important person in this world, kiddo. Be strong, be safe, be kind to yourself and take good care of you. Much love sweet girl. Hang in there.
Heather Veronica Thank you so much for this. Today was not so good so this made my day. Words may just be words but your words are so encouraging. While I was reading your comment, I was thinking in my mind “ yes girl, she is beautiful” and then I remembered that you were replying to ME and that just made me so happy for someone to say to me. It made me realized that even thought there are nasty people out there, there are still good people. I have been thinking lately that I DO need to start thinking positive about myself. I have body issues( who doesn’t) and I’ve decided to do something about it. I’ve started working out to loose some weight so I, ME, MYSELF can be happy with me. And I am very excited for the weeks and months ahead. Again, thank you so much for your reply... it really helped. ❤️
Karly Llorens You are very welcome! I'm glad to hear that my words were helpful to you. Something about you just stood out to me and told me that you needed someone to reach out to you and give you a "virtual hug". I meant every single word I said and still do. My hope and prayer for you Karly is that you can get the help, support, and love that you need, not just now, but for all your days going forward. Take care of you and be safe precious one.❤ You deserve good things! Come find me if you need me...
Once I opened up to a family member about my story and she said "I just didn't think you'd let that happen to yourself, thought you'd fight for yourself" hearing that made my heart drop.
"Why didn't you report it?" 1) Because my dad sided with the molester and told me to keep it a secret. 2) Because if I did, he straight up would have been kilked. And you can't just ask an eight year old to deal with that.
"Why didn't you report it?" 1) I was scared, he was my best friends brother, I didn't want to ruin their family. 2) I didn't understand how serious it was, I wasn't even a teen yet.
Only 8? That's like the age of my bby sister and i would rip apart whoever touched her with my bare hands. I'm sorry for what u experienced at such a young age
I remember in elementary school, we had sex ED, and there our teacher read a story of a stepdad touching a girl at night and how she thought she shouldn't tell her mom because she might get angry at her so the girl told the teacher, who told the mother and then she broke up with the stepdad and he went to jail. I always thought how horrible this situation is and how I am so happy to not go through this. One year later (when I was 10 years old or so) EXACTLY this situation happened. But when I told my mother at the age of 15, she didn't believe me. Life is not like in the books.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. That happened to me I was scared to tell my mom I was even younger than you because the person told me that if I said a word he would kill my hole family and take me away and keep doing that to me I’m so sorry that you had to go through that
Why I didn’t fight back, he threatened to hurt my brothers. What I was wearing, a T-shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie. Was I drunk? No. Did I want it? No. Did I say “no” and made it clear? Yes. It’s NOT my fault and to anyone who’s gone through this please remember that it’s NOT your fault either.
What's even more frightening is that 7 out of 10 sexual assaults are committed by someone that the victim knows. It can be hard to defend yourself or speak up when suddenly one of your friends or family members turns on you. These people are brave for speaking up about their experience
Oh Hol thats true tbh my situation was that i was too scared to say something in the beginning. Im in 8th grade and he was my friend so wen he touched me for over 2 years and at first i told him to stop and he would. But it got worse and i would tell my friends and they would say its nothing, that im over exaggerating. So i didnt say anything but it was getting worse and it became a everyday thing. And i couldn't fight him cuz he is too strong and when people would witness this in school they would ignore it. But it was coming to the fact that i was scared for my life and that any day i would get raped in school. I couldnt stand it anymore and told my bestfriend. He told me why didnt you tell me before and why didnt you tell a teacher or parent. 1st i held from telling him because first im scared of how he would react and if he wouldnt care. 2nd i can NEVER tell my mom because im not even supposed to sit by boys and i didnt tell a teacher too because in my school the principals dont do anything but in fact blame the victims. So my bestfriend asked if i was ok or not but all i could say is that i am partially that its my fault. I felt it was my fault it got out of hand and that im weak. One day he forced me to the back of the stairs and tried to made me do things to him. And i was crying and helpless but thank god he heard people in the hallway so he ran. And wen i felt safe i called my best friend. He comforted me and didnt ask questions until i felt better. And at some point he got angry and said im letting him take advantage over me that i need to find a way to escape. He was about to confront him and tell my teacher, but i was crying and told him not to and so he stopped. Since im moving schools i was ok with finishing the end of the school year. He was there for me and was quick to help me when i needed help. Now school is over and im happy but sad i wont ever talk to my bestfriend again. I let the boy go because i felt that it was my fault for not stopping it in the beginning, but ik someone or something will give him what he deserves.
It's not your fault. Consent is always needed, 100%. He did not respect your consent, so he is the one at fault. I'm sorry you went through that and how you felt you couldn't tell anyone
@@cookiecutter5162 The guy can be straight and he may have felt it was a joke, but it went too far. That's how a straight guy may sexually assault a gay guy. Maybe, he did things to mess with him, because he's gay, because it was like a joke to that (straight) guy.
meme asian you never know the context. it may seem stupid to you what they do but it may make perfect sense with context. going back to an abusive ex may sound stupid. add the context of manipulation, emotional abuse, or loneliness and it's less stupid. a lot of "stupid" situations can be understood that way. try not to see things only through your perspective.
meme asian there are things I can do to minimize my chances of getting shot like wearing a bullet proof vest everywhere or never leaving my home but then you're not going to tell me it's my fault when I step outside and get shot by a criminal
lgal56 And to minimalize getting assaulted, just don't walk on sketchy places, don't act slutty, (this is a controversial topic but really think about it, a few of cases are when the girl provokes the man when the man is probably drunk or not, and seduce the woman, towards assult, the woman may be drunk as well or not.) Never go alone at night, live in a nice neighboorhood, not the stereotypical ghetto "hood". choose the right friends
Hannah King People can be so fucked up. It makes me sick, sometimes even to the point where I think I might throw up, that there are people who actually think like that, or even think it’s funny.
@Banna Bread yesss, I was molested by a women when I was 5, it felt good but bad afterwards and I'm extremely sensitive to touch anywhere on my body especially my neck.
When I was between 5 and 7 years old, I was repeatedly sexually abused by two other children slightly older than me and BOY OH BOY the shit I get when I open up about it is almost worse than people with adult perpetrators.
That is so weird! the exact same thing happened to me! I hate that you had to go through that too, but knowing someone else acknowledges this as sexual abuse and a traumatising situation makes me feel a bit better. I think you're right I get even more backlash. I was 5-8 repeatedly being sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by two older girls. When I mention girls people seem to not care as much either, but I swear for young girls they were vicious
Oh my God... Someone else... I was 9 and the girl who sexually assaulted me was 10 and I told therapists and they were all like, "That's so rare. I've never heard of a a child abusing another child." I was even studied by a psychiatric institute because they never had heard of a story like mine. I'm sorry that happened to you but it makes me feel relieved that I'm not the only one out there....
KenzieAndPip child on child assault needs to be acknowledged more. i was molested when i was 8 by another 8yr old boy who would always put his hand down my pants and stick his fingers in me. i blocked this out for many many years and ive never talked about it to anyone as an adult.
They covered the "Men can't be raped" misconception but they left out "Women can't rape" I was raped by three girls when I was young and I've had so many people be like "Oh, that's not really rape" or "At least it wasn't a man" And I'm just like wtf is wrong with you?
I know a guy who was asked, "Why are you upset? It was free sex." Just...I can't even. He was also told he must have enjoyed it, because there are way too many stupid people out there who don't realize a boner is an involuntary response to external stimulus.
Yup. Was waiting for that to be mentioned myself. Also, women can also sexually assault women. Generally, anyone can be a rapist and anyone can be a victim.
I was 8 years old and he was 14 I was playing and I lived in a apartment. He followed me in and he tried to touch me I was biting he hands and pushing him. He didn't success I fought for myself. My brother was 7 and he stod outside the door I was yelling for help. But luckily he didn't touch me. I told my mom, my mom told my dad. My dad talked to him and he said "I was just kidding with her"....
i was 5 or 6 and he was 11 or 12, people tell me it wasnt rape because of his age. idk about you, but i feel like 12 year olds know better than to rape someone.
I think of my science teacher every time I think of consent "Consent is not the absence of a no, but the presence of a yes" That man was very wise and taught me a lot of other things. Thank you Mr. Greenhouse :)
"to tell my parents I was raped was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life".. When I told my mom that some guy raped me and that I was ashamed and afraid of my life, I heard her heart breaking .. I hated to tell her that her daughter got raped. It was the sadest moment in my life..
I can't imagine what you've been through. But you are very strong. I don't know what I would do at your place. You had the courage to tell someone. I probably wouldn't. Plus your username with my 2 biases..girl, I wish you the best👍
I was molested by an 18yr old FEMALE from 4-5 and raped at the age of 26 by a ONCE thought to be friends boyfriend. I was EXTREMELY intoxicated and had passed out. I've been living with PTSD and ANGER FOR MOST OF MY LIFE. Started being suicidal by age 8. I DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT NOR HAVE I WANTED TO INTIL NOW. I've been in therapy off and on since 2004. I avoid retelling what happened out of GUILT, SHAME, HURT AND ANGER. I feel like now it's time for me to heal and begin to live a healthy life. Thank you guys so much. I will now FORWARD this video to my husband. That'll be my start.👍
"why didn't you fight?" I hate when people ask me this. In my case, I fought like hell once I realized what was happening, but by then it was too late, he already had me pinned, I couldn't move, I fought so hard. I'm still fighting now, against people who say that kind of thing, and against my anxiety and PTSD resulting from it.
For me, I was honestly SUPER lucky he decided to confess. When I was 16 I was molested by a teacher, and he was a well-known figure in a small town who was held in very high regard, everyone loved him. My mom was amazing through the whole thing, when I told her the first thing she did was hug me and say "It wasn't your fault." Because that's also something a lot of sexual assault victims struggle with, thinking it was somehow your fault. Anyway, she went to the police, made sure I had a female officer to talk to, who was really kind and understanding. I don't know the full series of events because my mom shielded a lot from me, but I got a call from the officer I talked to and she told me they'd confronted him and that he had confessed, and they arrested him. Then of course I had to deal with the backlash from the community (my name was never in the news reports because I was a minor, but I still saw the comments). All they saw was "sixteen year old female student" and automatically assumed I was lying. "Teenagers lie! She's doing it for attention! I know him, he would never do anything like that!" I didn't let it bother me too much, but it still hurt a little. I can understand where they were coming from, but I wish they hadn't been so quick to judge.
Long, loose fitting jeans. A high cut t-shirt. And a zip-up hoodie. That's what I was wearing. I did not ask for it, because why would anyone ask to be sexually assaulted and humiliated? I spoke up and reported him to the police because I wanted to protect myself. I was 13 and terrified for my life at that point and I'm glad I did because 5 other girls had the courage because of me to speak out against our attacker. "Kids lie"... what 13 year old girl is going to torture herself with interviews and court hearings and bullies and being attacked for speaking up if it didn't actually happen? "Oh it's happened more than once? You must be lying" Yes, because I am going to lie at 4 years old. I'm going to torture myself through middle school and high school. That's every young girls dream, don't you know?! I have been asked every question in this video and I am so proud of the men and women who do not feel lesser about themselves for being asked these questions and being verbally attacked about their abuse. Talking about my attacks have saved my life. If it weren't for my friends and family who actually believed in me, I would not be alive 6 years after being forced to the ground by a man twice my size, being forced to walk home covered in dirt and semen, crying and terrified for my life and my safety. "I bet you secretly loved it" It's no secret that I'd love to bitch slap every person who has the audacity to speak to me that way.
The more you talk about it the more awareness there is. The more everyone talks about it, the more society will expect greater accountability from those who committed the crime. Ignore the people who say you are lying or other negative things because they don't want to believe the world is full of dark things and that the person who did this is one of them. And the more you talk the more you will heal. So keep talking. The world is changing and will keep changing as long as you raise your voice.
Went to the comments expecting to see disgusting people talking about the man in this video, and was pleasantly surprised to see otherwise. *Faith in humanity restored*
I would love to see a comment that said anything blaming the victim cause if I do I will track you down and replace there floors with legos and put poison in there sugar and needles in there food and kidnap there pets
"why do you want to talk about it" Well actually I didn't say anything to anyone for two weeks after it happened. And even after that it was difficult talking about it. Now, years later, I'm very open about ALMOST anything difficult that's happened in my life because someone who's struggling might hear me talk about it and open up themselves, which will help them slowly heal. Having my friends to talk to was the best thing I could do so if I can help someone else coming out of their shell, to me or to someone else, I'll talk about it at every opportunity.
Q Lock Yes, but that isn’t the victim’s fault, more like a kind of effect of the victim’s choice. It doesn’t matter what condition a person is in or what they’re wearing, unless there is consent, you are not being sexual with that person.
It's more so of a situational standard, say if you were 18, dressed like a Persian stripper, and drunk as fuck, as well as on strong drugs then the possibility of being raped is raised, but you also have to take into the account the desperation the Rapist needs for sex. Unluckily some person thought it was nice to see a 13 year old in a softball outfit and decided to do things, very similar to how my own Auntie raped me in my sleep when I was 14, her justification was that I was having a wet dream, so I obviously wanted to fuck someone right?
"why didn't you fight?" She was my girlfriend, and she *psychologically forced* me to have sex with her, saying that I wasnt enough for her. So I, a 12 year-old (at the time), said that it was ok, but it was not
I don't understand people. I was 5 when it happened. Wearing shorts that went to my knees and a short sleeve shirt. Telling someone is hard because you feel like it's your fault. People never think about how the person felt, they only care to know the unimportant and rude things. "Where you drunk?" I Was five "Why didn't you fight back?" I was five "You must've wanted it a lit bit" No. I was five.
The thing that people don't understand about being raped, is the lasting impression it leaves. It happened to me when I was twelve. After that, I couldn't look anyone in the eye, I couldn't be in the same room as any man, I couldn't be in a crowd, or on my own. Now, at seventeen, I am starting to get past this, past the anxiety that this attack made worse, past the PTSD that I got. No, PTSD isn't just something you get after fighting in a war. Think of it as an emotional and mental scar left after a traumatic experience. It has taken me five years to even start trusting people again. There are some people who never fully heal, even after twenty, thirty years. They never caught my attacker. They gave up within two weeks. It's this kind of bullshit that makes me feel unsafe in my own country.
I was raped at 6 by a preacher, I've heard a lot of these questions before whenever I actually opened up about my trauma. A lot of people say that because I'm Aro-Ace that it shouldn't have been easy for him to do what he did. Seeing this honestly helps me feel a bit better about what happened.
High up police lady of the sexual assault department “ do you know how to say no ??” Well I spent two hours telling a man no and pushing him away and off of me but I guess that means yes .
Victims are always the guilty ones for the police... that‘s very sad. You would think that something like that would only happen in third world countries, but sadly not... it shouldn‘t even happen there... the victim has it rough enough and then such things like that to say are more than horrible... I‘m sorry that this happend, I hope that you are doing good!
I was 15. I walked into the station. I told the police officer at the front desk, he said that they'll keep a look out for him. They didn't take a proper statement from me, they didn't even bring me into a room, nothing at all. Didn't even bat an eyelid, just said they'd keep a look out. I was 15, I had no idea what the protocol was so I didn't ask for more. I'm now 28. I know what they should have done now but it's too late.
My boyfriend and I have both experienced sexual assault, and when he finally opened up about what happened I just broke down. It’s so awful that people don’t take men seriously when they have experienced sexual assault. It’s just as awful. And it breaks my heart just thinking about it right now.
I remember being 15 and I walked into a house party with my female cousin and she went upstairs with an older man and she was shouting NO so I ran upstairs just to see him with her up against the wall holding her arm in a lock, I punched the shit out of him. At that time I didn't want to stop I thought if I killed this man right now I could stop him from doing it again. But I knocked him out instead I don't have the guts to kill somebody.
”You must’ve wanted it a little bit.” I WAS 5. HE WAS MY BROTHER! Listen, If you want to someone about their experience, be respectful. Thats a disgusting question.
3:13 "It makes you feel guilty about having wanted to be close with somebody, having been flirting with someone, or having trusted somebody.. No, That's not a sin."
Just a reminder, rape isn’t the only form of sexual assault. I hope everyone that’s gone through any sort of sexual assault is doing okay, and feels brave enough to get the help they deserve.
Yeah I figure everyone will kinda think I was raped if I say I was sexual assaulted. I wasn’t raped but it’s easier to say sexual assaulted than molested
Exactly! I wasn’t raped, but she was tracing her hands along my inner thighs, pressing against me despite my attempts to get away and her hand in places nobody’s should’ve ever been. She’d pin me against lockers and get far too close, she’d get on top of me while I was trying to fall asleep. I developed a phobia of public bathrooms because I thought she’d burst into my stall and take the final step. She didn’t rape me, but it definitely was sexual assault.
Shannon Louise thank you for saying that! I cannot stand when people say “oh well at least you weren’t raped!” Like that makes it any better! That is honestly I big reason why one 4 people in my life know about what happened to me. But thank YOU for not saying that and for realizing rape is NOT the only form of sexual assault 🖤
When I was at a bar in turkey a "friend" tried to force himself onto me. Luckily he was near my height and not that strong. I managed to get away by punching him in the throat and bruising his balls. He had spent the whole night bragging about all the girls he's hooked up with even though he has a girlfriend. I found the girl on fb and told her what happened along the with entire list of girls. It's a small community so not a single girl will even talk to him now.
Thethechnoumbreon 007 telling some sort of security, just say fuck off, call the cops if he goes that far. you cant just assault someone just because a drunk guy wants to fuck you
After I told my family that I'd been sexually assaulted many times as a child, one member in my family drove me crazy asking me over and over, "But he didn't rape you, right? He just touched you, right? You still have your hymen, right?" To this day she still asks me those questions even though I've told her, "I'm not sure if he raped me, yes he touched me and made me touch him, I don't know if I still have/had my hymen afterwards, I WAS FIVE AND DIDN'T THINK TO CHECK." One of my aunts makes herself out to be the hero because she saw it happening once and stopped it. My cousin tells me she STILL tells the story often-like it's polite dinner time conversation. Yes, she stopped it once. She's no hero though because she did NOTHING to keep me away from him in the future-and it continually happened many times after that.
Frankie I-emo Yea, always sneaking their meth into class, as a teacher, I always have to stop kids from injecting themselves with hard drugs in the middle of cla-TOMMY STOP SNIFFING COCAINE
hello, fellow system. we were 4, and the inability and impotence of not being able to defend himself no matter how hard he tried if what gave one of my mates a severe PTSD that would give him flashbacks anytime someone did anything to our body without we wanting it, even unpredicted touches. We were punished by the school everytime we had flashbacks because bullying is "normal", it doesn't give a negative image to the school, but having a flashback gives a bad image to the school, so we had to be punished for "throwing a tentrum for no reason", because "they did nothing", "just control yourself". It's only now, looking back then, that we see how much horrible that atrocity was.
I'm so sick of hearing "well he was your bf so it couldn't of been rape" ...wtf edit: wow I'm shocked by the amount of likes. thanks for the support guys❤
It literally makes no sense. Like apply it to any other crime and it's so obvious. Oh what do you mean he set you on fire? Well he's your boyfriend so it doesn't count. Honestly the ignorance of some people astounds me.
I've recently been told to stop talking about what happened to me because people are claiming I'm lying and doing it for attention.. finding this video when I did has really, truly helped me
it happened when i was 10, the boy was 13. he was my best friend's boyfriend. he said that if i told anyone he would say i seduced him, and everyone especially my "best friend", would hate me. some days later, i found out she knew it all the time, because it was her plan, she wanted to ruin my life... and she did it very well. the worst month of my life. pd: now she claims to be a feminist...
The hardest is being sexually assaulted as a child and not realizing it was assault and rape till years later. By then you have blocked out the details and when trying to make the case there are no dates, no REAL evidence, and no true legal way to prove it. So reporting it is basically saying "They hurt me as a child but I have no prove beyond my words, believe me." Then you are judged for not reporting it.
Anyone who judges you is a fool. Maybe even a bitter, cynical fool. The people who are more likely to believe you are more likely to be trustworthy themselves though, so you can use that to your advantage if you wanted to...
I was assaulted when I was 11 years old. Now I'm 16 and there are a details that I can remember so well that it feels like it just happened. There are smells and sounds and even phrases that send me into a such bad panic attacks that sometimes I wish I'd block it out.
I have never been sexually assaulted and I count myself lucky because of it! I’m so sorry to anyone who has been sexually assaulted, you don’t deserve it, you didnt ask for it the person is just sick! You’re amazing no matter what anyone says about it
Thank you, I needed this, I’ve had a really hard day today, I had a nightmare last night about my perpetrator and I’ve had a couple flashbacks along with some panic attacks, this comment made me feel so much better
"You just made that up for attention" or "If you didn't remember all of it, it couldn't have been that traumatic". Those are the worst that have been said about me.
You know, it's dishonest people who are least likely to trust something like this. If something happens to you like this then you can get a good idea who is trustworthy, because the more trustworthy they are, the more likely they are to believe you. It is useful to be able to tell someone this when they doubt you as well haha. Anyone who says that about not remembering it does not have any idea about how humans cope with trauma. It is very normal to blank some of it. I hope you have someone to talk to who does believe you, and I hope you are doing ok.
It’s more traumatic because I don’t remember. I was on too many drugs to move. K will make you that way , I don’t want him in trouble I just don’t know what’s going on.
