This 1 Sticky Note Will Save Your Fantasy Novel 

Thank you so much for these!

That might be how David Benioff wrote City of Thieves.

Come to think of it, that might be how Walter Miller wrote A Canticle for Leibowitz.

Instructions unclear: A lovable rogue and his band of misfits are on a quest for my wifi password.

Is a snowstorm coming in? Lol

Oh good good, she'll need this

Thanks, I'll need it 🤣

@@sinsiewnga53 To me, it sounds like a fount of creativity and inspiration,. Best of luck following your dream.

​@@AquaMaryn. Or a serious case of world building sickness.

Great advice. That's why I have both my premise and my theme on my 1-page guiding document.

Happens to me every time as well

Two months later, how is it going?!

Amazing

Yep. Also known as the 'Wow" factor.

That's a great note!

Great stuff! Good luck with the editing.

Character: Leithan Setting: West? Plot: Fight pirates, are we the baddies? Stakes: Not listed (at least not that I see. Don’t think I’d count getting rid of long-held beliefs would count given the seemingly worldly scope of the story as opposed to a small scale internal struggle kind of story) Sounds neat, just would recommend solidifying the setting and stakes

@@Joshops31 I couldn't quite fit the setting and the stakes. The setting would be a kingdom (called Gwendhir) where knights ride griffins, and their main threat are pirates. The stakes I'm not so sure how to define them. It certainly is about him having to go against everything he believed in. There are kind of two plots at once though, and maybe I should've included it. The other plot is about some kind of magic, and stopping a man whose hear is filled with darkness from using it for evil purposes (he is not part of the crown though). Seemed too complex for a premise haha

* whose heart is filled with darkness 🖤

Nice. But maybe you could beef up the stakes a little. Disillusionment is compelling. Mayhem and death are more so.

@@electra6821 thanks for you input! In the actual story his life is certainly at risk! And so are the lives of many, if he fails both to stop the crown from their naughty business, and the dark guy from his purpose (I don't wanna reveal too much haha)! I should find a way to incorporate that into the premise!

Sounds good to me. I’d love to hear more about this world devouring magic that they depend on. Sounds like a really cool concept.

The planet is addicted to magic? That's a cool concept.

If I may-! Not sure how much feedback you're looking for, but if I were asked to pare this down further, maybe simplify it to "Opposing sides in a galactic war must overcome their differences to escape a planet doomed by the world-devouring magic it's become dependent on." You can leave out 'alien' since 'galactic war' implies that it's sci-fi of some kind, and the other stuff just cuts out some of the wordier elements. OR, if you'd like to front-load the most specific and fascinating part of your premise, it could be re-written to "In order to escape a planet doomed by world-devouring magic, two opposing sides in a galactic war must put aside their differences." But that doesn't flow as nicely. Best of luck with your stories! :D

You could reduce this down to sound more organic: "People from opposing sides of a galactic war must unite to escape a dangerous planet and its world-devouring magic." "A small group of people" isn't a necessary description, when just "People" would be more concise and fluent. "Overcome their differences" is a little cliche. "Unite" sounds more organic, and is more concise. It is also less redundant as "opposing sides in a galactic war" already told us they have differences. "Escape a dangerous alien planet." "Galactic war" has already established the setting as scifi, so we should expect aliens already. This word is unnecessary as it is assumed. Plus, "alien" to a galactic civilization would have a different context than it would for the reader, since (unless the entire galactic population is humans), "aliens" would be nothing strange to them. "And save it from the world-devouring magic". This sounds like you mean the people are trying to save the dangerous planet, which if accurate, would be a B-plot (escaping being the A-plot). Mentioning the "world-devouring magic" does set high steaks, however, so that part is good to include. "That it's grown to depend on." This phrase feels weird, unless it has some kind of very specific feature which is highly important for the reader to know early on. Otherwise, it might be an interesting plot point when the characters learn that this "world-devouring magic" is crucial to the world's momentary survival, which can ask a moral question: "Do we save the world now by allowing it to keep this magic, knowing it will destroy itself later? Or do we destroy the magic now dooming the planet before it gets out of hand?" If it must be in the premise, perhaps just "it depends on" would be better.

Good premise

Niiicce.

Great syntax!

Intriguing, I like how contained the battle to save their homeland is (if that makes sense). Plus the evil empire is giving David vs Goliath vibes

Sounds epic!

I think it’s important to establish that this is a magical world at the start of the sentence, at first I thought it might be a contemporary piece. Also “life changed forever” is way too vague the reader needs a jumping off point like student/ baker/ prisoner as a grounding hook.

I know this is 3 months late, but does this help? "Young boy Ruin must learn to survive physical and mental conflict to save the world from ancient magic"

This sounds like many plots loaded together like a shotgun: 1.) Ruin has his life changed forever, 2.) His life is hell, 3.) he is haunted by his past, 4.) he blames himself for a catastrophe, 5.) he is part of the start to the biggest war in history, 6.) an ancient magic threatens to return. I had to dissect this really closely to realize plots 1-5 were actually all linked, and could therefore be presented as one thing: "Ruin is haunted by his past from starting the biggest war in history when an ancient magic threatens to return." This is easier to read and tells just as much information. If I was looking at a book considering buying/reading, I wouldn't have thought the longer sentence worth breaking down what it's saying.

Try to grab attention with the first line and change the order of information so there's a natural flow. I reworded it like this : "Ancient magics threaten to return when a boy named Ruin must confront his haunting past while entangled in a plot to start the biggest war in history."

I did not expect to see someone recommending the work of a writer from my homeland, but it's a pleasent surprise for sure.

Sounds good overall. I might swap "This tumultuous romance" to "The tumultuous romance between Romeo and Juliet paints" Without knowing who your story is about, it might be a good move to make that clear to potential readers in the premise itself.

This kind of blurb is almost always written in the present tense, so most your verbs should be in simple present, and any references to earlier events should be in simple past. Also, ditch all the "woulds." Hope this helps.

@@electra6821 Thanks! I think it's now fixed, but above everything, thanks God that I write it on another language 😂, I'm so bad when it comes to English Grammar.

That's a solid premise. Does a great job of establishing the tone & genre (portal fantasy). It is a little long. See if you can trim it and cut non-essential details.

@@Jed_Herne Rumi was all set to surprise her grandpa with his birthday present, when a thieving not-squirrel stole it and leapt through a golden portal into the kingdom of [Slumberland]. Now it’s a race against time to track down the culprit and get back to her grandpa’s party.

@@ourabouras I’m personally a huge fan for portal fantasy and dream-like realities. (Which is what I gathered from “Slumberland”.) It sounds a bit to me like “Alice in Wonderland”, where Alice followed a rabbit through a portal into the dream-like reality of “Wonderland”. Even still, I’m very interested to see where this goes. Keep it up. 👍

@@Iso20227 Excellent. The plot definitely pulls from portal world stories like Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and Adventures of Little Nemo in Slumberland. I’m going for a low stakes fantasy where a happy-go-lucky kid gets to go on an adventure swashbuckling with sky-pirates, jousting in the Queen’s tourney, and stealing a dragon egg, but that was all a bit too much detail for the premise.

@@ourabouras sounds like my kind of story. I’m always prefer high stakes, where there are huge dangers and obstacles to overcome, lives are in jeopardy, and the perils that the characters face often seem insurmountable. However, that doesn’t mean that low stakes is bad at all. You can consider me very interested now.

Coming up with a Low Stakes Adventure is always an option, look at Legends and Lattes.

@@ourabouras That looks neat, thanks for the recommendation!

These are good concepts at their core, but need some work on the sentence structure.

You need to check out grammerly. You have a lot of run on sentences to say the least.

I've noticed the whole 'apostrophe for plural words' thing as well! It's really prominent among Gen Z'ers for some reason. Do you have any idea why that's happening?

Thanks for the pick up!

Keep Up Friend! If even one person reads my first novel, then my world is already worth.

​@@jhon.k.3227Thank you. I've always lived by "Write the story you want to read" and considered anyone else reading it a bonus. Thank you for reminding me of that. Good luck in your endeavors!

​​@@TheDoomKnightBy the way, do you have the premise? I revised mine almost ten times after reading Donald Mass, and that video of Herne.

@@jhon.k.3227 I believe so. I just posted it in the main comment thread.

I know the feeling. Editing is hard and scary. And even if your first chapter isn't strong enough yet, it will be (that's what editing is for ;] ). And don't forget to find good beta readers when you're ready. Good beta readers will want you to succeed and will give you the truth in ways that you need to hear it, which will make your story even stronger. Just be prepared for more editing after that. ;] You've got this!

Vagueness might be an issue, but a larger one is that this premise needs to be broken up into multiple sentences instead of one long run-on sentence. But you clearly have a good idea of what you want to write You got this

Does Eleyna want to become the leader of all mercenaries, or just one particular mercenary group? I would change it to; "In war-torn Harrendale, the shadow-witch Eleyna strives/fights to become the leader of the Mercenaries/ Mercenary Group. Guided by a prophetic vision; she wrestles both with the powers that aid her, and the loss of her child." By saying she struggles with her powers, it inherently implies that these powers aren't just a free deal.

What specifically threw them into each other’s bodies, and why can’t they use their magics to reverse the process?

Body swap ! I like that trope

"Thrown into" sounds weird (doesn't mean it's wrong though), but how is it different than the easier to imagine 'body swap'. Might cause confusion.

You're welcome! Glad to help.

Maybe focus on one character at a time. Different premices for each POV.

You’re gonna have a really hard time selling a story if you can’t boiled it down into a simple elevator pitch, even epics like GoT and LotR can be boiled down into palatable blurbs.

I like it. It can work as is, but I think that maybe it shouldn't. What I mean is, the premise gives me no idea about what's going on other than who the main character is. I think it could benefit from a small expansion of what 'true reformation' means in this context. But again, I think you can get away with no changes.

@@Harbringer12 thank you I appreciate it, but I don’t expand on what I mean by true reformation because, if I were to expand on that, I would be giving you my whole plot twist. I want my readers to be able to hypothesize and theorize. One of my pet peeves one the story is just handed to you and you don’t have to think anything through.

@@Harbringer12 however, I do completely agree with your point that I didn’t give much info about what the actual problem is, the main conflict at the start, now that I’m rereading it back. So I agree there

Who is 'she', and what are the reasons for a champion to be selected? What are the stakes?

I have to agree with mEmory. There's little sense of conflict or stakes, here. We also get nothing about the setting.

Needs a setting so the reader can understand whether magic is considered secret or mundane, also specify what her prejudices are.

​​​@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician, Morgana of Avalon, and she has spent more than a millennia trying to put an end to all the injustice she sees in the world. I didn't talk about the setting because it doesn't happen in some magical world but here and now, in Cornwall. The problem is that she thinks she knows everything about the human race while she has spent the last hundred years in Avalon and never travelled beyond Germany and Spain.

@@mEmory______ "She" is the magician and she's trying to restore justice in the world. The problem is, she's very old, with high expectations, particular beliefs and extreme methods most people wouldn't approve. And for the setting, it's a small town in Cornwall at present days.

The power of sticky notes has limits I'm afraid😢

I would say it can definitely help. The point of this system is that you're having trouble staying in line. You write without following a strick path and the sticky note is short and vague, but concise enough to push you back on track. If you detect that you get angry too fast, too often, maybe a sticky not that says "anger" is enough to remind you that you do this often and it could help you get you emotions in check before it's too late. Imho relationships end not because of the fight, but because of the lack of desire to fix what was broken during the fight.

They can if used properly! Use sticky notes to remind yourself why you care for your partner, and use them to leave little notes for them to find. I hope for the best for you. Good luck!

Okay, I'm confused. A harpy is, by definition, a magical, mythical being. So why does the harpy reject belief in magic and then embrace science? Is that an inner conflict for Naura? That could be really interesting, but it isn't made clear, here.

@@electra6821 Haha, yes, it does seem peculiar at first glance. Here, harpies are simply species endowed with intelligence similar to humans, their existence arising solely from the evolutionary process. In a world where celestial islands are the only lands, evolution favored the preservation of a species capable of flight. Yet, you're not entirely off the mark by mentioning a potential internal conflict. You raise excellent questions. To answer, the story will never explicitly reveal whether the universe is truly magical or governed by physical laws. That's why Naura remains in doubt. The first-person narrative through his eyes allows the reader to choose their final interpretation. And if Naura rejected belief in magic in favor of science, it's the result of his keen observation of the world, preferring logical explanations and tangible evidence based on scientific methodology. ^^ If it's still not clear enough, a rewrite of the premise might be necessary. : ) It seems well-condensed, but perhaps the formulation could be improved. You brought up another good point! :p Thank you for your response and the questions you raised.

"In a world of magic; Naura, a young harpy scientist, uses lost (forbidden ?) knowledge from a forgotten civilization in her quest to cure from the Celestial Islands and her dear friend ." I like the premise overall but believe these edits both help tighten up the premise and give clarity to the reader. I'm intrigued.

Omg tysm!!! This comment should be pinned. I can't be trusted with knowing where my outline sketchbook is, let alone a tiny little sticky note

You have a decent start here, but it needs some work. First, this is a run-on sentence, break it up to be more manageable. A couple of questions to help flesh out the premise: 1. Did both Zeek and Asani grow up on this same island? 2. Why does human society and dragon society have conflict in this setting? 3. You say that there are events in the past to forgive, are Zeek and Asani adversaries from before the story begins? 4. What is the danger to the island that Deava imposes?

@Harbringer12 First question, yes, but they did not know one another. 2ed. Deava caused the issues, advice her plains makeing all two-leggs nothing more than cattle to dragons. 3. You can say that although it started before, they were bron 4. The threat to the island is before this story even starts as when Deava comes to the island, she starts to kill all good dragons, throwing blance of magic off. So a little more dragons is where all magic comes from, and the two-legged (human, elfs, drwafs, ect..) and all other life to use it. It is important that theres good dragon around and not just evil dragons as when a wilder cast a spell. that spell is weeken by 70% if the wilder and dragon are at odds with what the spells to do. It take two to use magic. Note dragon are able to cast spells, but if they don't have a 2-legged, it take them not just a few hours but days of being very helpless and open to attacks. Asani is one of three abused childen of Deava. Asani lost her father when she was very young as he was killed by her mother. although Asani does not know that as her mom made it look like the two legged did it. Zeek lost both mom and dad when he was 8 years old. They were killed by Deava. Thanks for feed back.

In a constant state of survival. Traumatic experiencesare bound to happen allowing the writer into infuse their own trauma into the pages. Hence turning trauma to art would be the true premise. The face behind the mask so to speak.Therapy for both the reader & the writer. For those who have experienced similar things you realize how relieving it is to find someone who has also survived or is currently surviving the same... (War & Survival - Allows a person to transform & bring to life - Trauma to art)

I'm intrigued by the premise, but think it needs adjustment. "Ryuka, a (ex: young?) canyon guide is hired to join a dubious adventuring group. Though they pay well, the further Ryuka gets from home, the more he questions continuing his services." I got the impression that the adventuring group Ryuka joins is not his usual type of client and less than reputable, and ask him to do more and more questionable things as time goes on. Maybe include something about why his services to guide people through this canyon is necessary, but I think you can get away with not adding anything else Otherwise a great start.

"Dead 1000 (or however long) years, the Lee "" (ex: Black-Beard, The-Kid, Calamity Cannon) Arryn breathes their next breath. Resurrected by to be their prophesied Knight against a growing tide of vampires. Lee must defend them from both monster and minion as the dark beast's web of influence tightens around him/her." Interesting concept. I changed the tone of the premise because I felt that a main character who awakens to a new possibly unrecognizable world under threat by dark forces needed a darker tone. If your MC is a famous pirate, they need a cool title, I didn't make the rule but it's one we all must follow. I tried to keep your original 'web of influence' in the edit while also highlighting that it would be more than just vampires that Lee would have to face down. Also, make it clear if your main character Lee is a boy or girl. Overall, an interesting concept and a good first premise.

"Once a shy sickly youth, silent Solomon only aimed to live long enough to become his tribe's healer and raise a family. However, a life death makes him a Champion in service to the Guardian Trees as they protect the world from the fallen titans that used to rule Titania." Overall I love the premise, made a few tweaks that I think help.

@@Harbringer12​​⁠Thanks for the input, the slight changes at the beginning do make it flow better. Though sometimes it’s just the residual power of the Titans he has to protect the world from & those that would abuse that power.

Could be an interesting light novel

What does transmigrated mean in this instance?

@@Harbringer12 It means a person's soul trapped or moved to another body. Like reincarnation.

@@Harbringer12 It means a person's soul trapped or moved to another body. Like reincarnation.

"After Aiden receives a strange video depicting an alien sarcophagus from his missing friend Jesse, an inevitable sequence of events thrusts Aiden right into the center of a secret ancient alien war" Interesting concept. By putting Jesse before Aiden, it implies that he is the primary main character (which may be the case, only you know that), but I got the feeling that Aiden would have more of the central focus of the story given that Jesse is likely sitting out Act 1 while Aiden looks for him. I'd like to include your location of the Euphrates river, but it almost seems unnecessary. Overall you seem like you have a lot of interesting things in mind.

If "infinity consume all around it" is the same as "consume everything/end all life/destroy reality", I would just say that. If it's different, then barely say how or allude that it's different. Otherwise, the implications that there are false immortals and that Orion himself is part of a greater being's design are interesting. A good starting premise.

In my creative writing classes in college, I was taught that longlines are more so a specific film and TV thing that sells the premise of a film or TV series that you use to pitch your idea to producers and a production company i.e an elevator pitch

Sorry for my english mistakes, i was quite rushed when writing it and my primary language isnt english either.

I guess it depends on what the tone and atmosphere is, and what you're going for. I personally prefer a more realistic, grounded - (in this case, it would be your post apocalyptic Earth) - setting, with some magical elements spicing it up. And if i delve into the harder magical elements such as a different realm/world where the fantastical is much more pronounced, i tend to keep it limited. (the spirit realm in Avatar TLA is a great example of this) But it's of course entirely up to you how you balance out your world, and it's obviously going to be very different from how i would do it. You seem to enjoy the more fantastical/magical settings, which is why i guess you created this "monster world" to begin with - so i suggest you try to evaluate how contrasting it would be to the normal world, and how much time is needed to be spent there, and how important it is for the plot to even be/get there. This isn't supposed to be great advice, if you can even call it advice, just my initial thoughts.

A strong start here. Some quick questions to help flesh out the premise: Are the 2 siblings twins? It would make for an interesting parallel with your setting. Do your siblings worship the same or different gods? If different, do these siblings/gods have conflicting beliefs or ideals? What is this threat and why does it challenge their moralities? Who's inner darkness? Is it the general 'one' that could be anyone, or a specific one of your 2 siblings?

A good start. What kind of second chance at life? The, 'I almost died and I need to change my behavior' kind? Or the, 'I was just brought back to life by a god or a powerful sorcerer' kind? Because those are two wildly different thematic stories. And what's the conflict in the story? There's not enough information here to understand how Arden might be either savior or destroyer. You got this!

This is one of my favourite premises so far. Sounds like a great story!

"A thief, a warrior, and an heir must put aside their differences to navigate a power struggle between the (adjective?) Order of the Sun and the rest of the (adjective?) Kingdom/Empire/Nation to protect their cherished city of from destruction." I know, I know; I took out the character names. But look at how well it flows! But in all seriousness, I didn't get the sense that any one named character was more important than the others so temporarily reducing them to their professions/roles highlights their differences. I added 'must overcome their differences ' because there should be an internal party conflict that keeps them from just immediately clicking and working together (I could be wrong, but only you can say for certain). I put "(adjective?)" in front of both the Order of the Sun and the 'Major Local Government' because I got the implication that neither faction was to be the favored or preferred choice for the MCs and that their city was a focal point of conflict between the two. Avoid the word patriarchy, especially if you're in the US, it's too politically charged at the moment. Is "destruction" the word you want to go for? It implies that the city itself could be wrecked by an army or a dragon or some other physical power; but the implications were of cultural and political destruction. I'd consider finding a different word if that's the case. Overall, a great premise that will lure and hook readers.

​@@Harbringer12 Oh, wow. Thank you for the detailed evaluation. Helps a lot.

@@jurikase1683 My pleasure. You got this!

A great start! "After performing a dark bargain and a miracle that saved her kingdom; Daisy now not only has to escape the attentions (intentions?) of King who desires her, but also her deal with the Man in Black" The important change I made was to tie Daisy's need to escape the King to her potential need to escape her deal with the Man in Black. I made a couple of guesses of how your plot would go and made tone changes based on that. I got the impression that this King wants to marry her (and that at least in the beginning, she doesn't want to). I also got the impression that her deal with the Man in Black did not give her desirable terms for what she must do in return for her gold spinning miracle. It was a little unclear if her exchange with the Man in Black happened before she performed her miracle or after the king expressed interest (I mean, you could actually have Daisy make 2 deals with the Man in Black, one to spin straw into gold, and another to get away from the king. Go wild, I say.) so I went with just the one deal to make gold. Otherwise I tried to keep the important words you originally used (performing, miracle, escape). Great job though. You got this!

So true, but I feel like the sticky note can be a great guideline for new writers

Especially with a series like Malazan or ASOIAF. Good for a new author though, although I suppose it depends on how much is going on and how ambitious the book/series is.

To me that sounds like a bit of an issue with recognising what a premise or theme is. Say you had to summarize the entire main movie timeline of star wars - right, a lot of stuff happens in a lot of places, and a lot of things make less sense the more you try to think about them. But at their core, isn't each story basically about 'someone down on their luck trying to survive in the push and pull of good and evil, in space, and there is magic in the universe'

@@jasminv8653 I like your summary; it tracks with one I found online: "Luke Skywalker joins forces with a Jedi Knight, a cocky pilot, a Wookiee and two droids to save the galaxy from the Empire's world-destroying battle station, while also attempting to rescue Princess Leia from the mysterious Darth Vader."

I always write multi-pov, so I would say with only three you’re probably fine, so long as they do connect! But it might be the internal conflict that mirrors each other, or the plot that they’re all involved in but in separate parts of (think Lord of the Rings with the different groups on different parts of the battle). So that could be more your premise focus instead of detailing on of their individual journeys, try to show the over-arching whatever is going on. I had one with split timeline and four main characters, two for each “mini plot” within the larger plot that wasn’t shown to connect till the end… then you get to read back and see how all the details are in a totally new light:) like a psychological thriller, but the twist is heart warming instead of nightmare fuel! (That challenge was actually my starting point for it😂) but again, the two connected based on the topic being covered and journey the characters were going through, even if the larger connection isn’t obvious till your second read through. On the flip side, you may want yo step back and see if this is something you need to split into multiple companion stories instead. That’s what I had to do with my last project, and I’m glad I did end up doing things in the mixed up order I did for situational reasons, but it’s not a system I want to repeat!! So if it’s starting to get too complicated or your family starts commenting on your stress (yeah… that’s a clue I should have listened to sooner), let it be a doulagy or trilogy (depending on if all three characters are equally separate, or if you see two distinct stories emerge). Hope that helps!

@@LittleWriterSquirrel Yes, thank you! That is great advice. I kinda figured that connecting them might be the key, but I wasn't sure. I have 3 POVs in my story, with two of them in a totalitarian city-state and trying to escape, and the other is a king fighting in a civil war but also preparing to protect his country from the possible threat of that nearby city-state. Thank you again!

Sounds like a great story! Hope it goes well:)

A good start, you need a few more details to flesh out this premise. What is the job that the church wants Bronwen to take? Why would said job clash with his morals/convictions? Why Bronwen when he's so close to retirement? Answering those questions will help you strengthen your premise. You got this.

@@Harbringer12 those questions are what will make the reader want to pick up the book or read on. They will be answered rather quickly and some more will be raised. The job is a secret to both reader and protagonist, but it’s going to be a meet hate for the start of his relationship with my main protagonists mother in the sequel. This is a standalone prequel to my real fantasy epic that will probably take 3 books to tell. I wanted to challenge myself to complete SOMETHING and so I started on this to learn the ropes.

"Garbahge" ... made me chuckle

If the animation has no dialogue, I think this is perfectly fine. If there's dialogue, then I think you need to tweak this premise by adding a couple of the animation specific story details. Good job.

ITS NICE BUT IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A SHORT STORY THAN A FANTASY NOVEL YOU COULD MAKE IT THAT HE GOT CURSED INTO VEING THE WINGED TITTAN

@@fraolekassahun6597 Ahh but you see, there's a mystery surrounding how he became the Winged Titan, and I can't give that away in the premise ;3 [Also if you had this premise on a trio of books, you'd already have the metaknowledge that this seemingly simple premise spans 3 books]

I like the first premise as is, but I have a suggestion for the second. However, I think that there is a big difference in tone between the 2 premises. The 'governor forcing Vee' to go on a journey sounds a lot different than 'Vee embarking on the journey himself'. Obviously take it with a grain of salt as I have no idea what the actual story is, but possibly something to look into. Change 'the governor of Gadale forces him on a journey' to "when vee's monstrous spirit is discovered by the governor of Gadale, Vee is forced into a journey " It gives your character more agency.

@@Harbringer12 Oh man so much has changed in four months LMAO My log line has reduced down so much: *Hunted by his own friends for a reward, a man must prove to an entire city that he's not a monster, or face the death penalty.* And the individual book summaries have changed a bit too: > Book 1: After an unprovoked 'attack' by the Winged Titan, the citizens of the magical city of Gadale are tasked with hunting the monster down for a reward. When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee must keep his identity as the Winged Titan a secret, or risk losing everything he loves. > Book 2: Now labeled as a monster, Vee is sentenced to death unless he can prove he's not a danger to the city in one month. He sets off on a journey to find the origins of his powers. Along the way, he discovers he's not the only one with secrets. > Book 3: Faced with the truth of his powers, and the hidden purpose of his journey, Vee must decide which he fears more: death, or accepting his past.

@@VT-Scribbles I like the bolded premise much better. Have an idea for the B1 premise. "When his friends enthusiastically join the hunt, Vee is reluctantly (unwittingly ?) dragged along knowing that the titan they hunt is him"

Quite cool that you present both the General Plot and the Personal Plot of the knight.

@@jhon.k.3227 Thanks! Hopefully the actually story lives up to it!

Great starting premise! I assume the Doom Knight is the title. "A religious group of paladins and templars known as The Obsidian Order strives to maintain peace within the city of Nor'Easter while protecting their god's Blessings from the demons determined to steal them. When a mission to Hell goes awry, one betrayed paladin, , is left behind. Trapped in the fires (I assume fires) of Hell, he/she struggles to return home and exact vengeance on his/her doomed former (brother/sister?)." Minor changes made because the starting premise was great. Just tried remove some superfluous words, dial up the drama, and allude that the MC isn't the only one who is doomed. Awesome

@@Harbringer12 Thanks for the suggestions! Yes, The Doom Knight is the title, and I have since changed the name of the order to the Adamah Order. I used "one paladin" instead of a specific name because I wanted to leave it a surprise who, keeping the readers on their toes as to who gets betrayed and by whom (though as they read, I'm sure they will deduce who they will be). Yes, one character does become the title character, but the main character is less a single person and more the Adamah Order itself.

@@TheDoomKnight Awesome That sounds quite interesting. I hope writing it goes smoothly.