this is so beautiful, i feel like a lot of can relate to this too. growing up it’s almost like we burn out and loose that motive to be that smart person even though we are scared of the expectations of others, but i’ve learned that the process does include the wrong and the wrong is sometimes the better
This made me relate on an extreme level. When I was in elementary school, I would be known as “the smart girl” same with 6th and 7th grade. But I am in 8th grade now. My teachers noticed early on that I could understand the assignments that I was given. Though was confused when writing everything down on paper or on the computer. It was confusing for my parents because they didn’t understand why I didn’t understand my own homework. They had my two older siblings, one in college who barely made it to senior year of high school, and one who has pretty bad grades since they only care about video games. Then me. An 8th grader who has a terrible grade in math simply because I can’t write it down.
Hey, I know you wrote this a few months ago but I wanted to tell you that I believe in you. As a former teenage girl (I'm 23 now), and as someone with two teenage sisters, I can tell you that this experience is unfortunately all too common for girls, especially those of us who were called "gifted" as kids. That tells me that there is something wrong with society, not teenage girls. We inundate young girls with so many mixed messages: have the body of this 25 year old Instagram model (what? during puberty?), get good grades, be a woman in STEM but don't fall victim to imposter syndrome (how tf could you not?), make your family proud, be cool, be reckless, be careful, be one of the boys, be a girls' girl, always look perfect, don't wear too much makeup, don't show your emotions because then you'll seem crazy, BE crazy, take up space but don't be a bitch, be popular, be confident in your identity and make sure it's the right one- the right aesthetic and humor and opinions anad "vibe" (except identity is literally the developmental challenge of the teenage brain and relies on exploration)... I could go on, but I won't lol. NO WONDER WE CRACK UNDER THE PRESSURE! And then they give us phones so we can spend way too much time on the internet comparing ourselves to each other and stressing about the state of the world, and then distracting ourselves from any negative emotions, and therefore missing out on positive experiences like being in nature or doing an activity we enjoy, or spending time with the people we love. It's always been hard to be a teenage girl but this modern world presents challenges even the adults aren't prepared for. And what, someone who is under enormous pressure and whose brain is still developing is supposed to just know how to navigate all of that and ALSO do amazing in school? Here's what I think you should do: tell your parents how you're feeling and explain to them why. Tell them you want to be successful but you're just gonna need a little less pressure and a little more help. You need to re-learn that it's okay to be wrong sometimes, that it's actually necessary in order to learn! When people take practice tests, they actually learn the most from the questions they got wrong and then had to correct! But growth mindset is obviously more difficult when your mind is clouded because you are in a state of anxiety caused by environmental pressures. When I had pressure put on me, I reacted one of two ways: crumble, or excel but then STILL feel like shit and burn out. Trust me, neither side of the coin is sustainable because people just do our best when our environments provide us with what we need. I am now in an era of unlearning some toxic behaviors and thinking patterns/beliefs I had about myself, noticing the negative things I used to tell myself for motivation and replacing those with positive, self love-based statements/actions, and becoming a better communicator! I have now found a supportive partner and he recently helped me work through some of my baggage around feeling "not good enough" and the pressure and mixed messaging I got growing up. I have now decided I am going to talk through these issues with my family, because they do build up over time and I want to have a good relationship with my parents and younger siblings. So I know that was a lot, I got a little carried away because ig it's a bit therepeutic to talk about for me, but also I just want you to know that there are so many people who have been there too, and you're not alone. It does get better when you're older in that you have a better perspective and more confidence... but in order to make it better faster and save yourself some pain, I think you should talk to your parents, maybe your siblings too (I'm sure they can relate a lot), maybe a school counselor if you guys have a cool one (the lame ones sometimes make it worse lol) or a favorite teacher, and bring up the word "pressure." Brainstorm strategies to help you relieve some of that pressure. Find outlets. Cry, if you need to, or scream at the beach. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and competant, maybe write out the affirmations along with some gratitude. Say to yourself, "I don't expect anyone else to be this perfect, I don't talk this way to anyone else, why should I deserve this!?" Laugh about how ridiculous it is. Get angry at the people and systems that told you you had to be perfect (like social media), instead of being angry at yourself for NOT being perfect! You are a human being, and that's a beautiful thing! The most renowned and interesting paintings aren't believed to be beautiful because they depict a person or thing who had a perfect life or never made mistakes or any flaws, or never caused controversy. The best films follow characters who are beautifully imperfect, but keep trying in the face of great odds, except maybe they try a new strategy sometimes or reach out a hand and ask for help. And when you've relieved some of the pressure... remind yourself what you find interesting about these different subjects. You are still smart, that doesn't go away, and you succeeded in the past probably in large part because you found what you were learning about to be interesting! Don't get so caught up in proving yourself to be smart enough and beautiful enough and good enough and therefore lovable, that you forget how to live, and love, and be loved just as you are. So in summary (lol), just communicate how you're feeling and reach out for some help with the anxiety. You're not alone, it's a tough world out there. But it's a beautiful world and you have so much to offer it if only you allow yourself to be human. You are more than enough! You got this. You will be okay. (sry for writing an essay tehe, it's the trauma!)
