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Three words that will change your life | Dr. Mark Holder | TEDxKelowna 

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This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. What is the best approach to impact the rest of your life? What if it involved only three simple words?
Dr. Holder earned his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkeley. He then completed his postdoctoral training at the Brain Research Institute at UCLA where he conducted brain transplants to reverse impairments caused by brain injuries. As a professor at Memorial University of Newfoundland, he studied how natural chemicals, 200 times the strength of heroin, were released when people ate chocolate chip cookies. During this time he worked as a Biological Consultant with the NutraSweet Company to determine whether aspartame is safe for pregnant mothers and their offspring. He also
spent a research sabbatical at the University of Hawaii swimming with dolphins in studies of their
language and creativity.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

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27 окт 2014

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Комментарии : 407   
@FD-iv6si
@FD-iv6si 3 года назад
Do we have to listen, I was a good listener and realised that people love to talk about they problems and its bogging me down. Today I am sitting with problems after listening to everybody's *stories* and there's nobody around to listen to mine. But you know what the greatest conversation we can have is with God whose always listening.
@user-yh6fe1ks3p
@user-yh6fe1ks3p Месяц назад
Hey please tell me more about your story . I can listen you
@lovingatlanta
@lovingatlanta 4 года назад
👍The three words are: “Tell me more” You’re welcome. 💞
@MonthlyCramps
@MonthlyCramps 4 года назад
Thank you. Saved me 20 minutes.
@kixq3379
@kixq3379 4 года назад
Thanks! I spaced out towards the end so when he got to '...3 simple words to make you better... Thank you so much" I was like -- wait what were the 3 words? Lol
@quocatngo9226
@quocatngo9226 3 года назад
"Tell me more" and "what happened next?"
@lovingatlanta
@lovingatlanta 3 года назад
Quốc Đạt Ngô - 👍Exactly. 💞
@AkuDao
@AkuDao 3 года назад
@@MonthlyCramps what happened next
@user-ox1wd8fy4p
@user-ox1wd8fy4p 8 лет назад
Behind those three little words should lie a genuine willingness to understand and sympathize the other person. Forgetting your ego and your turn to speak, but to truly care of the other person's story. Amazing talk :)
@martycolton4596
@martycolton4596 7 лет назад
Ekaterina Isaeva w
@jfish032
@jfish032 4 года назад
Ya.. I felt he was way too fixated on the words themself.. it's about the mindset. In fact, in most cases, it's silence that keeps people talking.
@rubizelmurgatroyd7893
@rubizelmurgatroyd7893 4 года назад
I love this, and I was just discussing this with some friends the other day. So many times we listen to someone complain about a problem, and if you're a problem solver like me who likes to get right down to the solution, you want to jump in and give advice. But they didn't ask for advice; they just want a good listener. He's right, we can work out problems on our own just by saying them out loud to someone who's receptive; it makes me think of how I work out my own problems by journaling, by actually just getting those thoughts out in the open. I'm going to work on being a better listener :)
@vernaharris4700
@vernaharris4700 2 года назад
Good for you.😊❤👍
@alhamdulillah4580
@alhamdulillah4580 2 года назад
Decent❤
@kathrynhdao6434
@kathrynhdao6434 2 года назад
Ws
@cherylmh4617
@cherylmh4617 3 года назад
I am a firm believer in having PURPOSE in life. We are conditioned to believe we must be happy to be successful at everything in life. 57 years I chased after happiness & I found it at various times over the years, however, life circumstances can change & the happiness has vanished! On the search once again. Purpose is living my life WITH purpose ON purpose! To love, to give, to help others, to make a difference. Happiness will surface ONLY after you are living with purpose & meaning! I was a Psychology major many years ago & while I went into Corporate Mngt rather than the field of Psychology, I have seen over 30 therapists in my time & realized too much time & focus was on my problems & not the solutions. I agree with Positive Psychology as you define, but I don’t believe happiness is the key to life. Live life with purpose & you will experience an incredible life!
@msramor
@msramor 5 лет назад
3 words: “Tell. Me. More” & “What happened next?” Happiness is found in improving and fulfilled relationships
@GIobeCentral
@GIobeCentral 6 лет назад
I love to talk,and a lot of people (i think) like to listen , i think this is because its a chance for them to engage in the company of others without taking chances of 'spilling-the-beans' which might make them feel uncomfortable, or saying something and being challenged. I have written on a paper in my wallet, your three big words,"tell me more" and "what happened next", these words ,apart from being communication tools remind me that the other person who is listening also has an existence of there own and might want to share some of it with a listener. I'm really glad you shared your time with us, and for Ted lectures. Thanks.
@momol.9892
@momol.9892 3 года назад
Have viewed a few “happiness” TED Talks and this one is absolutely one of the best! It is so true that what made us happy 10 years ago may not make us happy today. And what makes us happy today may not make us happy tomorrow. Happiness is a state of mind.
@TheGreatGYROFLUFF
@TheGreatGYROFLUFF 8 лет назад
There's no one I admire to the extent of Dr. Holder, what I've learned from him has changed my life and I'm fortunate to have had the chance to learn from him.
@MatiurBhuiyan
@MatiurBhuiyan 7 лет назад
These 3 words: "TELL ME MORE" will improve your relationship and happiness. Awesome! Thanks, Dr. Mark Holder for presenting this awesome idea. (3 bonus words are -What happened next? )
@CreamIceMs
@CreamIceMs 8 лет назад
Wait what? The talk is over? No! Don't leave! Tell me more!
@ArthurIdrisov
@ArthurIdrisov 7 лет назад
And what happend next? XD
@Mal-xz4zu
@Mal-xz4zu 7 лет назад
Well that worked then :) TEDx Cifs are obviously not the place to make friends.
@user-ob8pw8xy9w
@user-ob8pw8xy9w 7 лет назад
Arthur Idrisov
@jonathanalturorosarioguzma7847
Ni
@surapolb7980
@surapolb7980 4 года назад
Jonathan Alturo Rosario guzman .Pink Visual
@teasesquezze
@teasesquezze 7 лет назад
GREAT talk. Friendship is the key to good mental health.
@teasesquezze
@teasesquezze 7 лет назад
Ms Tango Well you should☺
@lucindawee9043
@lucindawee9043 7 лет назад
Gospel song
@kariahlukemacchan2230
@kariahlukemacchan2230 6 лет назад
Actually family, loyalty and honesty superior to "friendship"
@sonyaberkenpas5071
@sonyaberkenpas5071 4 года назад
I can’t disagree that listening more would help make my deepest relationships worse. Thanks for sharing!
@VijayChawla18
@VijayChawla18 3 года назад
A valuable talk with lots of wisdom what happiness is all about, and a simple lesson on how to increase one's own happiness and that of the people around one!
@sophietand3240
@sophietand3240 4 года назад
Thank you very much, Dr. Mark Holder! You are the best! “Tell me more!”
@papermason
@papermason 7 лет назад
You know when the 5 minute infomercials come on, hit the back arrow, then the forward arrow and it's gone!!!! Never knew that before!
@janiceallen7949
@janiceallen7949 7 лет назад
I like the word joy; more than happy. It has more of an up lift an is higher than happy. Happy is a yellow circle with a happy face in it. Joy! Is the bursting for of life like in spring, the sun is out, the grass is greening, trees are leafing and some flowers are popping up bright yellow from the dirt. Intersesting if the pyscho dictionary has no definition of happy or joy; then that must be how the make so much money; rather they should learn joy! and help peple find it; THAT's healing, the rest is most likely sum drugs and come back next week. Most of us don't need pscyo analysis; we need a good faithful friend, we an open up to safely, who'll love us no matter what; and be near with or without an appontment and the only payment they ask for; is receiprocation. Also, happy is tooo much connected with material things; and not an inward sense of being.
@andrest7987
@andrest7987 4 года назад
One of the most important things that we have forgotten. Listen to others. Thanks!! ( I'm learner English)
@seligmansdog5803
@seligmansdog5803 3 года назад
what a profound speech
@Funandconsciousness
@Funandconsciousness 9 лет назад
I'm glad you told us more than just those three words. There really is so much more than just simply making a point. Well done, Mark.
@leedeschaine1315
@leedeschaine1315 7 лет назад
Funandconsciousness I
@eugenijusdolgovas9278
@eugenijusdolgovas9278 4 года назад
Unless it doesn't work, since people in this age are more interested in facebook, instagram stories and Snapchat. Their sentences are empty and their words are short and self explanatory. "I don't have time", "Wait a second" and the most important one, "I'm fine. Leave me me."
@thirtyacres7504
@thirtyacres7504 5 лет назад
This is exactly what we are missing. We don't communicate well with one another. Well, most of us do not. 1) Tell Me More 2) What Happened Next? But you will need to watch the video to understand what these phrases and questions mean.
@ministeriodeliberacion7793
@ministeriodeliberacion7793 3 года назад
3 ONLY WAYS TO BE HAPPY)))) LOVE YOURSELF LOVE OTHERS AND LOVE GOD....
@pastorddembesamuel6324
@pastorddembesamuel6324 3 года назад
Praise God Thanks for your preachings all Wooooooooooo good work your doing worldwide bless to you in jesus name Greetings from pastor samuel ddembe in Uganda
@janiceallen7949
@janiceallen7949 7 лет назад
Active listening is more than just the words, is how words are said, facial exressions and body language. We need to see into the person.
@cherylburch8384
@cherylburch8384 5 лет назад
This guy is a joy to listen to, and he's funny. Love it.
@sumaiyaamin7590
@sumaiyaamin7590 3 года назад
The limitation with this technique is if you are the only one practicing it. I've always been the listener.. I've always told people that they are worth better and they deserve to be happy. When I needed people to say the same to me and just hear me out when I'm sharing my problem- they just didn't have the time.
@Nikora.Biddle
@Nikora.Biddle Год назад
Cant rely on other people, only rely on yourself, in all things.
@nanditakumari7530
@nanditakumari7530 3 года назад
Amazing good ideas.... I will try it on my friends now ❤❤😁
@TommyFamous
@TommyFamous 5 лет назад
“Tell Me More!” So many people are listening to respond not to relate and hear the other. It’s important to Relate - to Validate the other and allow them to be seen and heard! It shows them they matter and you get to be a part of their growth and sense of BEing witnessed in this life! It will change Your Life Just as it will change theirs!!! 💜 Improve your relationships by Relating and Listening! Do More so you can do Better!
@unzahid
@unzahid 3 года назад
intelligent speech.
@catherinenakanwagi1500
@catherinenakanwagi1500 11 месяцев назад
I am glad I heard this . Iam to help my children that happiness should be on top of our priorities this year an for ever, Thank you Dr.
@jnadiagetoffmyaccountloney3396
Several minutes ago I wrote I updated my facebook status to: "Ever have someone you've loved with every piece of you, only to realise that they don't care for you, for so long you gave your love even when obviously they didn't care for you, not even 1 tiny bit! Ask yourself, did you see them ever care for anyone at all, hold on do they even care about themselves? It's clear to me now that if love was the equivalent of music, they were born completely deaf! My feelings, yes they hurt but at least I have the human capacity to feel, do they?", I have been in serval poor and sadly even violent relationships. I fear having been adopted as a child, to sadly a family which I feel did not treat me with love I will never find that close bond. That fear kept me holding on to unhealthy relationships. However, even when those I loved felt no love for me, but as the song say, "As long as I know how to love I no I will survive. Then suddenly I decide maybe I should watch a TEDx talk see if it speaks to me.... OMG
@franzhaas6889
@franzhaas6889 5 лет назад
AS A SOCIOPATH. THIS WILL HELP ME RECEIVE MORE INFORMATION. SO I CAN - - - - - - - - UNDERSTAND THEM BETTER.
@RenewableEnergy360
@RenewableEnergy360 6 лет назад
Perfectly explained the definition of good relationship bravo
@ddunvideo
@ddunvideo 4 года назад
Simple but powerful, thanks
@lucineidematias290
@lucineidematias290 5 лет назад
Tema maravilhoso e seu acento estupendo para entender
@merkaba2214
@merkaba2214 Год назад
I agree with that..imagine a world full of happy people,no war,no money, no society how we have today..more compassion,more understanding,more love,wonderfull . John was brilliant man,it's not important your job/career but your happiness,how you effect other people.,But happy people are not in the interest of the modern world ,who knows will know about what i talk. Stay positive,be loved cuz you always have a choice 😊❤🫠
@minamansri7732
@minamansri7732 9 лет назад
Thank you , that was really precious .
@cjn623
@cjn623 4 года назад
CHEERS & HAVE A RIDICULOUSLY GREAT LIFE
@jcjagat
@jcjagat 6 лет назад
Fantastic.. Simple solution for a quality relationship...
@notagain3732
@notagain3732 2 года назад
Im so happy i found this ted talk
@deepeshrekwar772
@deepeshrekwar772 2 года назад
One of the best talks i have ever heard
@ferdinandalexander8053
@ferdinandalexander8053 7 лет назад
Happiness is one aspect of a complimentary relationship. As long as you know happiness you'll know unhappiness. As long as you pursue happiness you'll be unhappy. Life works in its own way and not the way "you" want to.
@carolriley6965
@carolriley6965 4 года назад
Ferdinand Alexander w. Fe elvis 4wlcis elvs
@ellakad6148
@ellakad6148 3 года назад
Excellent and exactly thank you.
@pavoveisy2586
@pavoveisy2586 5 лет назад
Awesome advice in regards to finding happiness and promote vs problems and solutions
@NityaNavodayClasses
@NityaNavodayClasses 7 лет назад
quality of friendship not quantity of friends
@masavvideos4608
@masavvideos4608 7 лет назад
Loved the reference to alexithymia, which affects many people with right brain injury from stroke and trauma. Thanks Dr. Holder for a great talk.
@sundrani1000
@sundrani1000 7 лет назад
MASAV vide
@sherryscott72
@sherryscott72 7 лет назад
karen carpenter
@TasosNetPlayer
@TasosNetPlayer 5 лет назад
@@sherryscott72 Can alexithymia be just a character feature?
@phoenixcreativeslysparrow8336
@phoenixcreativeslysparrow8336 3 года назад
@tasos Alexithymia is common in people with autism but not all people who have autism are alexithymic
@TheAscensionPod
@TheAscensionPod 6 лет назад
“I AM HAPPY!”
@ouimetco
@ouimetco 4 года назад
Hey Mark, great talk. Enjoyed your clases too. Hope all is well with you. Cheers. Richard
@susannovello2431
@susannovello2431 3 года назад
Excellent! Thank you
@karibenitez9336
@karibenitez9336 7 лет назад
Fabulous!!!!
@jhunnicolas1027
@jhunnicolas1027 7 лет назад
Awesome Talk...
@jolintruong6263
@jolintruong6263 5 лет назад
They laugh more, they're happier
@chuotoshiya
@chuotoshiya 3 года назад
That's nice talk.We usually hesitate asking What happen next like in detail or something for other. I want to simply use the three words "Tell me more" and What happened next .Then That will lead to making good relationships with others.I hope that.Thanks
@MaryJaneHancock
@MaryJaneHancock 5 лет назад
Thank you for your presentation. Well done!
@norzinshakabpa1852
@norzinshakabpa1852 3 года назад
Beautiful Speech indeed@
@lubnanourelkreem7767
@lubnanourelkreem7767 3 года назад
Thank you soo much It means a lot to us what you said
@mariappan4809
@mariappan4809 3 года назад
Fabulous speech, I learned from you , three words.
@mogbaba
@mogbaba 4 года назад
Thank you and special thanks to alert commentators. When he said thank you, I didn't understand what those three words were after all. I wanted to ask him: Tell me more. but I couldn't, I thought I have to listen one more time, then I saw the comments which said, tell me more!
@kukku1974
@kukku1974 4 года назад
Will try to listen more ... will start with my son Julian 1st ... thank you 😀
@jua8902
@jua8902 4 года назад
What if your stuck being the listener and never have a chance to be the speaker because your always listening and making sure they get to express what they are feeling.
@susanhagan5371
@susanhagan5371 3 года назад
Great point, I tend to be the listener already, too, and sometimes under-express myself. What we really want is a healthy balance, and the skill and dynamic flexibility to adopt either role in the moment.
@osmanfarah4377
@osmanfarah4377 5 лет назад
Great talk. I wished if you would tell us more and more. I didn't feel the time when I was listening.
@lyviamoraes6835
@lyviamoraes6835 3 года назад
Amazing!! Thank you!! 2021
@MrJohanmessi
@MrJohanmessi 4 года назад
i have been listenin to the ted talks a long the day while i was playin fornite, and this one was the only could catch me, wonderfull job there bro!
@dijonnestricklen7840
@dijonnestricklen7840 7 лет назад
great job Tip's thanks again rescare acamdy.
@three59gaming
@three59gaming Год назад
Extraordinary ❤️
@phyliciajoykloes
@phyliciajoykloes 5 лет назад
Listening is great!
@humnhumnhumn
@humnhumnhumn 6 лет назад
You can be unhappy even the whole world loves you. Happiness comes from you not from others. Let life go through you and dont try to grasp it you will become fulfilled, free and happy Ps. I love you (i mean it:D)
@JPoonam03
@JPoonam03 3 года назад
Wonderful... Learnt a lot.. Thank you
@mahnazsaebi8132
@mahnazsaebi8132 3 года назад
Great talk!
@5001500106
@5001500106 3 года назад
Thank You for sharing :)
@andelysveras475
@andelysveras475 3 года назад
So interesting, thank you
@adrianswift8821
@adrianswift8821 6 лет назад
I'm not convinced about the John Lennon anecdote , what a school boy knew about life and happiness .
@43warriormode98
@43warriormode98 Год назад
I have joy of the Lord ..happiness is fleeting js
@summondadrummin2868
@summondadrummin2868 7 лет назад
Positive psychology is great and yet we don't have an economic operating system which is coherent with its findings at all. Until we have an economy founded on what truly makes us 😊 we'll have to contend with the many unintended consequences of structures mismatched with true human well being and flourishing.
@summondadrummin2868
@summondadrummin2868 7 лет назад
...makes us Happy.
@BellaLeoLicorice
@BellaLeoLicorice 7 лет назад
Tell me more...
@meganwade5772
@meganwade5772 7 лет назад
Summondadrumminmuziku seki turovic
@summondadrummin2868
@summondadrummin2868 7 лет назад
For examples look up the books Happiness Economics by Mark Anielski and Sacred Economics by Charles Eisenstein. Watch the first section (not so much the second) of the video Moving Forward by Peter Joseph which goes over some very credible science related to what we now know about human nature.
@xredb
@xredb 7 лет назад
because the government wants to control us and independent thinking will make us question this fucked up system they have forced among us
@marinaharrop9397
@marinaharrop9397 6 лет назад
Me too ! I just want to be Happy !!
@nguyenoinh395
@nguyenoinh395 4 года назад
What a wonderful speech 😋😋😋
@jaycharles3121
@jaycharles3121 5 лет назад
Natalie Cole has a song w- Lyrics "The greatest thing is just to love, and BE loved, in return"
@thaislalita4635
@thaislalita4635 3 года назад
Amazing. ♥
@joshuamanevitz1530
@joshuamanevitz1530 3 года назад
Nat King Cole , I believe !
@jonie4538
@jonie4538 7 лет назад
that was a very. interesting. and. intelligent. speech
@nataljapetrova7682
@nataljapetrova7682 3 года назад
!! Dr. Маrk Holder ! Thank"s a lot !! Is that a clue for a civiliezed human cociety !
@babyjoon1540
@babyjoon1540 5 лет назад
Positive psychology focus on what makes you happy rather than focusing on what makes you unhappy
@danarchambault8723
@danarchambault8723 4 года назад
I can't wait
@avramenkolana122
@avramenkolana122 7 лет назад
So true! Thank you!
@64Magick
@64Magick 7 лет назад
Here's your 3-words: 1. Tell 2. Me 3. More TELL ME MORE.
@fondrees
@fondrees 7 лет назад
THANK YOU!!!
@kellylasaponara746
@kellylasaponara746 3 года назад
🕯thank you
@ellinalzzz644
@ellinalzzz644 3 года назад
Tell me more, so I can tell all of my stories and release my pain💗
@MrsFixIt72
@MrsFixIt72 7 лет назад
Everyone needs to read the book by Leslie Sann "Life Happens. What are YOU Going to Do About It?" A practical handbook with Powerful tools to access your inner resources and Transform Your Life.
@jomontanee
@jomontanee 5 лет назад
This is very very inspiring speech. Especially about positive psychology. By the way, I use his 3 words all the time to people around me. "Tell me more. What happened next?" That's why they love to talk to me. *But I use these 3 words because I don't want to open up to others.* Sharing my life is too scary. Therefore I just close myself up inside because listening to others is easier and safer for me. Dr.Holder should have considered people like me too and figure out how to help.
@magistermagic
@magistermagic 7 лет назад
remarkeble that scientists have to study something for ten years that others already know for decades.
@joshuamanevitz1530
@joshuamanevitz1530 3 года назад
Very true !
@RaxLakhani
@RaxLakhani 6 лет назад
What a great talk! I'd love to learn more about the Positive Psychology movement after watching this video. Interesting concept of linking happiness to our external relationships rather than making it purely about an internal state of mind. Makes sense to me.
@taezen2169
@taezen2169 3 года назад
very very impressed your speak、thanks。
@kreuter4547
@kreuter4547 7 лет назад
Tell me more, tell me more and what happened next!!!! Amen!!
@lihong9389
@lihong9389 3 года назад
Very good talk
@darknessdollhouse7515
@darknessdollhouse7515 7 лет назад
Amazing talk! 🌙
@dr.constantinethattiam9704
@dr.constantinethattiam9704 4 года назад
Real talk
@sattharabdul5576
@sattharabdul5576 7 лет назад
Great Talk. ... Thank you
@xiaolially2395
@xiaolially2395 5 лет назад
te;;
@shithead
@shithead 4 года назад
I'm 35, never had a girlfriend let alone a wife. I have 2 really good friends that I only see about twice a year. I am almost always happy and smiling. Wanna know why? Because no other exists outside my mind and I am the creator of the universe and so are you. But also I am. That's why I smile.
@Spideynw
@Spideynw 4 года назад
"I have 2 really good friends". Nuff said.
@jamesmayer5043
@jamesmayer5043 7 лет назад
One cannot take credit for what we are nor for what we do. The life we have been given has no input on our part.
@tanyapapoutsakis5213
@tanyapapoutsakis5213 7 лет назад
All is good and Dandy Dr Mark. I enjoyed thoroughly your talk. But, when do we use those 3 words? I wish you could go on a little longer. Tank you so much. Tanya (73 year old granny) Sydney Australia.
@anjasjk
@anjasjk 5 лет назад
Yes.. Tell us more..
@lifeathand1062
@lifeathand1062 3 года назад
From a country boys perspective that was the meat and taters bit I still want the rest of the meal. Great message
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