To anyone going through a breakup. 

Regardless of who initiates a breakup or if it’s a mutual decision, it can be a pretty traumatic experience. Here is some (mostly) practical advice (please fill in!): 1. Don’t stalk their social media. If you feel the need to, unfollow them and/or block them. Don’t wonder “what they’ll think” - remember, you’re doing this for you. 2. Don’t look at your photos together etc., unless you’re at a mental state where you can do it as “therapy” or where you can look at them only to genuinely appreciate the time you had together. It’s ok to get rid of everything if you want to, it’s also ok to keep it. :) (unless you have any “private” photos of them, then you delete them out of respect. 3. Don’t get comfortable in your sadness, guilt or whatever you’re feeling. If you are, talk to someone about it. 4. Listening to music that you can relate to at the moment is helpful for some people. Test the waters. If it makes you feel worse, don’t listen to it. 5. Don’t compare your healing journey to anyone else’s. 7. No one will ever fully understand what you’re going through - don’t blame them for it. Just like you’ll never fully understand what someone else is going through. That’s the beauty of relationships, it’s unique for the people involved. It’s also what can make it difficult to move on. 6. Be grateful that you’re a human who got to feel love! How cool is that?! What even is it?! I can’t see it, can’t tough it, yet here I am feeling all these things. Woho! I’m alive! 7. Yes, it didn’t last, but neither do some of your favorite meals or the trips you’ve been on - that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t appreciate it for the time they lasted. (note for point 6&7: again, every relationship is different, and I know people go through horribly traumatizing relationships where someone telling them to be grateful can be absolutely maddening. Please seek out someone to talk to if this is you. You deserve healing. 8. Change your ringtone. 9. Don’t numb the pain, deal with it. Alc*hol, dr*gs, meaningless s*x-those things are unhealthy and it’s not dealing with what’s going on. 10. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is a universal feeling. 11. It might feel like you’re dying, you’re not. 12. It gets better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. 13. There is a reason the two of you ended, regardless of how many excuses you try to make up for how “maybe” you could’ve made it work “if ony xyz”. Well, you didn’t. 15. People often act out of selfishness, it’s our nature. Most things aren’t as personal as we think. 16. Breakups normally happen because one- or two-people’s needs weren’t met. Sometimes it’s fair, sometimes it really isn’t. But fair or not-it is what it is. Life isn’t fair at all and love and relationships are no exception. 17. You give yourself closure. 18. I wrote this whole thing right before posting, so excuse any grammar. 19. Love is the most beautiful thing, remember that. :)

It’s weird how heartbreak can make you feel physically ill

“You are having a funeral for someone who is still living” holy shit that is the perfect way to describe it ...

btw you won't notice the process of healing. One day you just realize that you haven't cried in a while.

It sucks when you realise how the people we loved once become strangers again

Letting go is the sign of believing our selves that we deserve best. And...Breakup is not the ending of a love story, it's new beginning. Let them go.

Breakups are tough, but the thing that keeps me going is knowing how fine and content I was with life before meeting them. Things get better in time.

The worst feeling is that 2 seconds after waking up in the morning. The remembering hits your heart like a train 💔💔💔

The worst part about a breakup is when you understand all the theories and the steps that you need to take to move on and why you need to take them, but you can’t bring yourself to actually implement them or be consistent with them because of several psychological reasons...

*Breakup is not a single event* - it’s a culmination of ongoing underlying problems, symptoms, that were neglected or unrecognised

Some things i wish i didn't do after breakup. 1. Keeping in contact with the person 2. Thinking of getting back together 3. Trying to make less of the actual situations that happened and led to break up 4. Hoping the person would change Is not easy to un-love someone but with time i am sure things will get better. Focus more on your self-improvement and do what you gotta do!

Healing is an art. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes self-love.

“I am a person who takes commitment seriously and I’m proud of that, but I’ve realised that this is the reason why I’ve stayed in damaging for me relations.” - this is exactly what I needed today. Thank you so much, Lana.

“Remove expectations from people and you will remove their powers to hurt your feelings. If you don’t like something, just take it away, it’s only power is your attention.” 💫

I remember the most painful breakup I had in college. I use to walk 4-5km from home to school then school to my home. I did that for a couple of months to kill time because when I stay still time seems to be stagnant which adds more suffering. So walking helped me move on literally.

Breakups are so weird. the relationship, the bond that you've built over a time, just ends in a day or a moment like someone meant so much to you at one time, doesn't mean anything now on?!!! like how does that happen.. it's too hard for me to let go, i can't or idk i won't maybe?! ahhhh 😭

"Who are sleeping together for the last time" damn that cut deep. I had no idea the night before I was blindsided by my breakup

Breakups are hard, make you feel miserable and give you a lot of self doubt. However, they also teach us so much about ourselves and help us grow more than we ever thought we could. For everyone going through a breakup, stand strong because things will get better, I promise ☺️

The first rule of love is to learn to love yourself, if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone else

The timing is ✨perfect✨

Breakups are so strange: I was with someone for two years and when things ended I moved on right away and carried on with my life feeling just fine. My latest relationship lasted less than a month and here I am, a month later, still so heartbroken and stuck it hurts.

Therapist: Expensive Lana's channel: Free and helpful

There is a HUGE difference in the experience of a breakup for the person that initiated it versus the experience of the person that didn't initiate it or want it. Its much harder on the one that didn't initiate it and it takes far longer for them to recover.

"Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser."❤️🙏selfhelpchampion

The best way I can describe my heartbreak is like being homesick when I was a child. You have to remind yourself that you will find home elsewhere eventually

Breakups are hard but the recovery period is so transforming spiritually! Well said every point in dealing with it, Lana.

It's the *fantasy we create in our heads* about the relationship that ends up being the toughest thing to let go, but it shall be done.💃❤ Thank you!

“It might feel like you’re dying; you’re not.” 😂 This struck through! And this message is so uplifting, by the way. 🤍✨

To everyone : who passed this phase "we're the survivors"

"I am proud to be the type of person who takes loyalty and commitment seriously but I learned that it can be a weakness of mine because I tolerate more than I should. So now, I've learned that my well being comes before all of that" 💯perfect reframe, thank you

It's been three months since we broke up, but the pain is still unbearable.

Yes! The focus has to be on healing yourself - sometimes that means lying in bed and eating chocolate and sometimes that means going out and living your best life. It’s all about following your intuition

Too many people nowadays are not necessarily in love with the person, but more in love with the idea of love, and so they cling onto anyone they can. Do not seek out relationships, they will come naturally when you are ready. A good relationship is a product of a good life, not the other way around.

This must be a breakup season cause all youtube recommend me are all breakup videos.

Don’t mind me... I’m just here to boost that algorithm so we can help Lana thrive

Don’t blame yourself for the breakup or the other person’s behavior. It feeds a vicious cycle of self-loathing and frustration. Unproductive self-blaming is different from learning based on that experience: identify unhealthy patterns, prioritize self-improvement, and avoid seeing someone as a primary source of attention/validation. If we pay enough attention to ourselves, we won’t be deliberately looking for it elsewhere.

Just broke up 2 days ago. You’re right, it is very weird to share someone’s life one moment then to be completely strangers the next. I felt disposed of, felt used, but I also knew from the beginning there was just something different in the both of us that I wasn’t sure would hold us together. I guess its a process but I’m slowly starting to accept both the good and the bad that came out of this relationship. Thanks Lana.

I broke up with my ex about 3 weeks ago and there are some days that i feel like i need to talk to him to rant and because i miss him a lot. But i never talked to him because i know that i need to get over him and i need to detach my feelings for him. Thank you lana for your tips ♡

I think I was dating a narcissist and now I don't even know how to process the relationship because I don't know what was true and what wasn't. I am so confused.

The worst part of a breakup is that the person now makes the next person pay for what the ex or ex’s did to them. Some people let their experiences with one or two people affect the entire rest of their life. Very sad. You cannot “fix” everyone. You have to fix yourself. Don’t bring the mental baggage to the new person. They are a new person and have zero to do with an ex

Anyone feel like they just genuinely cant go on without someone... Im here for anyone who wants to talk x

Sometimes we're tempted to say, "I wasted so much time with this person." But it's only a waste if we say so. Even if that person hurt us repeatedly, there is something about ourselves we can learn. What did we miss and why? What do we now know we will and won't put up with? How much stronger am I than I was before I met this person?

Allow yourself to really feel what you are feeling instead of worrying about how you appear through their eyes is the best breakup advice I've ever heard. So much great advice here, thank you! ❤🌹

Thank you, Lana. 10-11 months ago I wouldn't have been able to watch these kinds of videos and would have been wallowing in my own pain. Today I'm proud of myself for allowing me to feel. For anyone reading this, things are looking up. I can't say that everything has changed to how I felt before, but when you go that deep, the only thing left is to go up. I promise you

After nearly 7 years of dating, two months ago I found out my ex was cheating on me for a month. It was the most pain I ever felt in my life. But looking back, I realized I had codependency issues. So I went cold turkey, changed my number, blocked her, and I feel significantly better two months later. You are valuable. Love yourself, and learn to feel your feelings, not someone else's. Thank you Lana for this video.

Break ups are often the best lessons in how you are in a relationship, who you are seeking out and can be a great opportunity to grow both personally and in your next relationship 🙌

Just got broken up with. It hurts so much, but I hope to come back to this video in years time when I’m healed feeling stronger and wiser.

Best thing after a break up? Focus on your self and level up ❤️

Omg Lana! This is perfect timing. I'm going through a difficult heartbreak at the moment. We never became official bf/gf but we were like lovers. I fell for him but turned out I was just his rebound. The moment her ex showed up, his feelings for her instantly came back and all we had suddenly became nothing for him. What's even worse and heartbreaking was we were together earlier that day before his ex went to his house that night. It feels so devastating that it seems he's even considering to get back together with her and even though I wanna fight for him, I just couldn't cos I don't stand a chance. Us seeing each other for 2 months is just nothing compared to what they had for 7 years!! It felt like surrendering myself in a war. I love him so much but I had to make it easier for him because he said he doesn't know what to do, so with a heavy heart, I have to let him go.

“If you don't love yourself, nobody will. Not only that, you won't be good at loving anyone else. Loving starts with the self.”

It's very hard to move on because I was holding on the picture in my head that can't be manifested but everything happens for a reason.

As an INFJ, I wish if I had seen this 5 months ago. I had the worst breakup ever and read tons of online articles and listened to friends' advice but all they had to say was what you said in the 1st part of your video. The rest of your video is actually what I need.

Thank you! This was much needed ❤️

I went through four breakups in the last ten years and I can admit that it's important to take the time you need after the breakup. Wether it's a few months or a few years, you will feel it when the time is right to go on dates again. And I really cherish my single time, when I can do whatever I want.

The pain is unbearable and I cannot comprehend it in words. There's a small part of me hoping she sees this but its very unlikely. I would give anything to just turn back time a few days and tell her sooner and apologize for what I didn't do. I know and I am fully willing to change and to be the person she needs but it doesn't look likely that she'll give me that chance. 2 years is no short feat and me being young and inexperienced, its the only true and real relationship I have ever known. To all others hurting right now, I wish you the best. I have no one to talk to or speak to because she was not only my partner, soulmate, best friend, and future wife and baby mother. She was everything and without her there is nothing. I know that if she gives us a chance her life will change for the better, but I cannot convince her or move her on that stance no matter how how hard I try.

OMG, this video could not come at a better moment. My bestfriend is going through a breakup right now. So happy I can share this with her & hopefully help her in her experience! Your videos are always super thoughtful & helpful. Thank you, Lana! 🤍 You are an inspiration to me since I started my youtube channel about selfcare recently. 🤍

when you haven't even dated anyone before but you still watch these vids

Escaping your own emotions and not allowing yourself feel the pain only transfers the emotion long-term. Thanks for sharing.

exactly when i needed this. i’ve been going through a tough time for quite a while now. this really helped and put things into perspective. thank you, lana. you never fail to amaze me.

Totally agree! Breakups are often portrayed oddly through movies or certain websites, and the advice they give isn’t quite the best at all. I think we should take breakups as a time to heal and reflect on ourselves rather than trying to make the other person feel a certain way if you get what I mean.

Even just at the start of your relation keep your expectations low and remain it in that way. If you break up recognize nothing will probably change that, think about how small you are in the universe, watch Carl Sagan Pale Blue Dot speech. Get up and never envy! Among the seven deadly sins, envy is the silliest because you don't feel better. Love yourself and never hurt yourself neither emotionally and physically. These are very good stoic ways to not to feel bad. Not just in relation, you can use them in every situation in life. By the way Lana, as always I very liked your video!

When you said that some couples may be sleeping next to each other for the last time and they don’t even know it… I instantly started bawling. If I knew it was the last time, I would’ve held on even tighter

Wow. It's like you read my mind. I just recently had a relationship with my fiancé come to an end. So many up and down emotions and variables in life. Compounding stressors made everything so fragile. I would be lying if I said it wasn't tough to be separated but, I'm doing the best to focus on my well-being and self-preservation now. Right now it's about self-love and pursuing what is best for me. I'm controlling what I can control now and learning to move forward. It's a time for humility, stoicism, and self-reflection. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Career-wise. All of it. Thank you for the quality content. I feel like I was supposed to watch this video.

This is something I really needed. Today was their birthday which was so much more difficult than usual days and since it’s my first heartbreak I wasn’t sure how to deal with it and everyone’s words, although kind weren’t what I needed to hear. Thank you for this.

Hi, beautiful analysis. Pain plays a fundamental role in life. Ending a relationship, for whatever reason, is an excellent opportunity for us to learn to deal with our emotional resources. I believe that, in certain circumstances, love does not end. However, it needs to be reframed, gaining new horizons. Another detail: I see that it is common to speak negatively about the ex-partner. This is cowardice. Everyone owes respect to the other. Otherwise, they will be disrespecting their own history.

my boyfriend just broke up with me on our anniversary so here i am watching all the videos about heartbreak that i can find online he was my first true love, this was my first serious relationship, and i've gone through all the day without breaking down and feeling that i've got this but then lana said "at this moment, there are probably many, many couples around the world sleeping next to each other for the last time, and they might not even know it" and now i'm ugly sobbing i'm not ready to sleep alone but god give me strength i will be able to if it isn't the time to reinvent myself i don't know when it will come

You make me want to romanticize the world in more of a healthy way

I agree, It is very important to learn from failed relationships. Otherwise you are more likely to keep on attracting the same type of relationships in the future. Keeping your head in the sand is a recipe for future heartache 😢

I feel less alone reading the comments and this video has been very helpful. Just got blindsided after 10 years with my partner. I am in unimaginable pain and I can’t cope. Keep hearing it gets better but I just want to fast forward to that part. Ten years is too long.

I was feeling so bad today and i honestly had a breakdown before a test. We broke up last december and the emotions are starting to build up now :(( i really needed this thank you so much

This has by far been the most helpful advice I’ve heard on how to get through a break up. Thank you.

You deserve better relationships, so do not let a breakup leave you depressed for the rest of your life. Do things that help your mental and physical well-being, spend more time with yourself or friends and family. Vent out your feelings and thoughts by writing. The dream of a happy love relationship is over, the reality is they were not meant to be. Accept it and believe you are worth loving and being loved by someone else. Work on yourself to improve from your past relationship. Learn to self-validate and move on. You got this.

If you want to move on, you've got to address your emotions in a healthy way, acknowledge why things turned out the way that did and do internal fixing. Showing wouldn't do good to you nor them.

idc what people say..you're the QUEEN..thanks for everything

the worst feeling is when you're with someone and you give them your all, so when you actually break up, you feel like they took your all with them. its hard rebuilding yourself and having to rebuild your life without them.

It's been almost 2 months since my breakup and not going to lie I have been feeling so great. I feel like a new person. I think this breakup was so needed!! At first, I was devastated but I have manipulated that sadness into greatness and have been really take care of myself.

thank you, i really needed to hear this 🙏🏻 it's helped to redirect my narrative from "he hurt me" to "i set myself free"✨

I can't move on & focus on myself. I live with him and it makes it so much harder for me to avoid him. I'm really gonna miss him and all his love & affection 😔

It’s such a tough part of life, but ultimately makes room for what was meant to be. I really liked the’ rewording’ part. That can be beneficial in many aspects of life.

For me break ups, which should be precious few, have always been a time of serious moral reflection. And a time to examine my own flawed history in order to correct whatever I did that was a problem. And it always is the sign of a deeper issue that needs to be seriously and honestly addressed.

3:16 1- be human. 4:24 2- take control of your narrative. 7:45 3- commit to letting yourself feel just enough but not to where it consumes you. 9:03 4- unfold the past and get clarity

This timing is actually amazing, I just went through one a few hours ago. Thank you for all the amazing content you make ! :)

1.26 in and this video again reminds me that I LOVE LANA. A breath of fresh air. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts and perspective is so far from those I interact with, but then I found Lana and the people in these comments. I don’t feel as alone anymore ❤️

Your reflections are so warm, empathic & true. You're a beautiful soul, Lana. ❤

The most beautiful soul: Lana Blakely.

Break ups just feel a part of your life is over, and will always be missing now. But, as Lana stated, let’s shift the perspective to ‘how can I heal from this and grow’. It’s spot on.

An off-topic comment coming from someone who has never dated before but, I needed to say that your hair in this video looks absolutely great on you Lana! 😘❤️

Breakups are hard but it's important you move on quickly

out of all of the 10000 websites I have visited, this is the most refreshing take. They all seemed to make me want to act based on their actions and that is the most toxic thing

So helpful! And definitely agree at the start we should let ourselves feel and not put too much pressure to seem like you're great. The best thing that also helped me was journaling if you didn't already before the breakup but do it as much as you feel like it. A lot of the times I sorted of addressed what I was writing to my ex partner and helped me see things with a lot more clarity. This is such a great video Lana!!😊💛

Thanks Lana 😕 my heart was aching so much and I got carried away with depression but watching this video really made me feel a little better. It’s weird how this heartbreak can make me fall physically ill and I’ve been stuck at home for the past 3 weeks. Really appreciate your video and the talk made me feel human again. Salute you, Lana 💯

I wish I was treated badly in the past so that moving on would be easier... I was the type of person who makes the same mistakes over and over again-always for my own good. Unfortunately, he got tired of me but hey, maybe this is the only way to realize things. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to completely forgive myself. Gotta learn & grow from my mistakes in order to become a better person; maybe not just to him but to anyone. I won't let go another opportunity for love. Anyway, thank you for this video!!! En route to a character development ❤️

It’s been 3 months since the breakup for me. I’ve taken steps to improve myself and I’m really happy with my progress, of who I’m becoming. I just wish she was here to see it. I just miss having her in my life.

It's crazy how pretty often the video you're posting relates so much to what I'm living at the moment. This is exactly what I needed right now! ❤️

“Oh you’re so much better off and they were such a douche bag.” This line cracked me up. Lol 😂

If it were only as easy as you say it is Lana.

I really like how you shift our perspective into new one. The way you speak and the content of your word really reflect your inner soul. Thank you, Lana.

I wish, when I'm growing up, I'll slowly gain a mindset like you have. And, complete building that when I'm an adult. I really wish I could!

That’s exactly what I would have needed in January. But better late than never, thank you Lana! 🥺😍 I think many people don’t really understand how heartbreak can feel like if they never felt anything like it. I also tried to help my friends with a video about heartbreak and one about loneliness, because I think that these topics aren’t as relevant/dominant in society as they should be. Anyways, I’m excited to learn about your point of view on this! ❤️

I just want to feel happy again. Like when I was a kid I woke up happy now I roll out of bed looking for an excuse to keep living. Recently I started using Forwago and I think it helps me. I feel that I am on a good path to become a happier person. Wish me luck!