To Narcissists, Lying Is A Necessity

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Narcissists will try to pass themselves off as the ideal to be envied. Yet, as you spend time with them, their problems with honesty become apparent. Dr. Les Carter describes how their carefully crafted image would fall apart without their ongoing lies and deceptions. It is a pitiable strategy for finding acceptance and influence.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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14 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 701

@JR-ej9up Год назад

Oh Yes. They Lie and then Lie that they're lying.

@Bianca-sw5id Год назад

They are the best actors

@duromusabc Год назад

They’re con artists

@jyes23. Год назад

You made me giggle. TY

@jyes23. Год назад

@@Chris-dw7gq count me in

@Bawkr Год назад

Mines so covert she won't even say the word lie out loud. She freezes if I ever say it.

@sifusubtitles Год назад

They live a lie and rage if you don’t play along. Pitiful creatures.

@ambremomo 9 месяцев назад

Yep!

@mj-rg9kp 5 месяцев назад

More like monsters

@nv_chino 4 месяца назад

Dumb. I uhhhhh got my own life to play here, my bad! xD I CBF to go through some shit like this with people like this.

@ryanunderwood5465 Год назад

Lying is a necessity because their whole life is a LIE!!

@tbunnyshy1 Год назад

Lying gets them what they desperately need (admiration, feeling of superiority, material things, “gotcha” moments, etc.). They keep their various lying masks on real tight. It manipulates situations so we love, pity, surrender to, react in any way, etc. When we stop “believing the lie” they destabilize or try to “lie better”.

@Bianca-sw5id Год назад

And eventually a higher power of whatever they draw justification from , will cut them down 👎

@scorpafcarusavibes4918 Год назад

Indeed!

@amandaliverpool3374 Год назад

When we catch them out, they play the victim!

@jenniferannfox2316 Год назад

@@amandaliverpool3374 yes and then they blame it on you.

@victorkroud3642 Год назад

Lie Better! Ha. 👍. Like joining a church. Let’s take that lie to a whole new level.

@shannontennyson8971 Год назад

..they lie, and they claim to be the most genuine and loyal person on earth

@nv_chino 4 месяца назад

Nothing about them is real!

@antonnettesamalca9303 3 месяца назад

Absolutely 💯 true

@sandrathomas2893 Год назад

They lie even when the truth would better serve them 🤔

@noneyourbusiness7311 Год назад

Exactly.. my NM lies about the stooopidest things!! I'm like .. why lie about THAT??? ITS INSANE!!! LITERALLY!!

@Lemana28021989 Год назад

My ex lied about his height. He's 1,79m tops and always stated, he's 185cm, if not wvem 187 and I was statt flabbergasted by this statement as it clearly wasn't true

@michaelgoldberg7403 Год назад

It's about power and control. Narcs are like domestic violence suspects you're not in an intimate relationship with, but you are...

@alienfrommarss Год назад

THIS.

@ambremomo 9 месяцев назад

THIS!!!!!!!

@teresadvorak6145 17 часов назад

They lie to people about you when you go no contact, then they pretend they are the victim. Trying at all angles to destroy you & make you look horrible to others😮😢😮

@victorkroud3642 Год назад

I asked my ex narc, “Why did you lie?” I received this answer, “Because I didn’t want you to be upset.” I was lied to for my own comfort and protection? Obviously they cannot hear themselves when they talk.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

In other words...my lying is your fault.

@victorkroud3642 Год назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism : Exactly! Thank you!

@globalheartwarming Год назад

For their own comfort.

@lauriedettelback1179 Год назад

Unfortunately that is the truth.

@wojill5420 Год назад

I just had that same conversation with my narc mom. Pure insanity.

@eagleeye2300 Год назад

Narcissism should be classified as a form of insanity. No person with any degree of psychological balance could a) convince themselves it's okay to delight in using, harming and ultimately moving to destroy people. And b) be taken by demons because their behavior is so amoral they've thrown out the welcome mat to negative entities that can use them-- like someone who gets in and drives a car.

@NarcissistFreealmost Год назад

It has been called "moral insanity" by Hervey Cleckly author of " The Mask of Sanity".

@jeanettecook1088 Год назад

I've had similar thoughts. The narcs I knew were certainly insane, as I go by one good definition I heard many years ago in a psychology class: If you define insanity as lack of attachment to, or detachment from reality, on a chronic basis or as a way of life, then narcissists are indeed insane. I think the ones in my life were, because they destroyed opportunities and were very perverse, at the best, in their handling of relationships.

@TurtleHillTx Год назад

Of course! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome!

@RatedArggg Год назад

Yeah, but that would mean at least 25% of the population is insane.

@Uberqueenbee Год назад

@@RatedArgggat least

@treelover1050 Год назад

Never met a liar like a narc does. There's lying and then there is Narcissist lying. Made me leave him and know he was untrustworthy and didn't deserve any respect.

@chayo4537 Год назад

What's regular lying?

@WisconsinWanderer Год назад

I never knew the exact extent of her lying until I finally left my narcissist. I was stunned! But she always preached honesty in our marriage what a crock. So glad I’m outta that madness! Old Gus there was wondering “who’s he talking to” thanks Dr.C😊

@steffenworldcitizensurf5926 Год назад

Kind of like the rock stars who sang about true everlasting love, and then married four times.

@tbunnyshy1 Год назад

Same! I hear you and I understand. In conclusion, after getting married I found his hidden divorce papers stating he had an affair. Another horror occurred (unimaginable). A few years later he had an affair with his friends wife while I was pregnant. Now they are married. I’m so happy you are free and I am free…now its just family I need help with. 😂 Dr. C. and Gus are literally a phenomenal team. We are very fortunate 😊

@Annenigmatic Год назад

After I moved out, my covert mom was in need of more supply & started going to Al-anon meetings & prayer groups to "get support for her drunken husband," my dad, who did not drink. It disgusted me, and proved there are no bounds to the lying & lengths that a narcissist will go for supply.

@jesusluvsu669 Год назад

Lots of narcs in all of those groups

@lizzyschmidt8429 Год назад

I had not heard that one, but I know they will thoughtlessly destroy reputations.

@Annenigmatic Год назад

@@jesusluvsu669 It's so low and gross...like literally feeding off innocent people just trying to help 😣

@cariefitzpatrick238 Год назад

Oh wow, that’s next level. 🤦‍♀️ Taking advantage of people who want to support and who might’ve really gone through those experiences is literally the next level of “damaged.” Yikes

@Annenigmatic Год назад

@@lizzyschmidt8429 Your comment about reputation flew over my head until just now because my mom had my dad completely isolated. He didn't have any friends outside of her my whole life.

@rosieE121 Год назад

They expect you to lie for them too.

@deborahrichardson3731 Год назад

They tell a story/ lie then get mad and frustrated you ask something about said story later. ( Because they can't remember what lie they told to be able to repeat it back the same)

@tbunnyshy1 Год назад

This just happened to me this morning. Trying to gain my inner peace back…easier said than done. 😵‍💫

@LotusBusinessResources Год назад

Exactly 💯

@suejohnson3972 Год назад

Judge Judy says if you tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory!! I've heard her repeat that many many times!!

@deborahrichardson3731 Год назад

@@suejohnson3972 yes, the truth doesn't change. You may remember more details, but the facts don't change.

@ptrblz Год назад

Their state is predatory, they must gain the most in the least time/effort to make it work for them.. they saddle you like a horse and they must do it fast.. if they fail they must go, won't stand it being around people who did not fell for it

@patriciafry8634 Год назад

Sometimes their lies are manipulative-to get what they want, or are part of future-faking.

@lynnfincham6839 Год назад

They lie when they don’t have to lie 🧐

@seameology 5 месяцев назад

🎯

@mehitabel1290 Год назад

My mother, who was a textbook narcissist, lied constantly. Yet oh the joy and gloating if she ever caught anyone ELSE in a lie!

@lisahead6868 Год назад

Yup. Mine too

@christinaheidenreich5384 Год назад

Mine too. She used to start her sentences "and I am not lying: ....." uncountable times each day !?

@nv_chino 4 месяца назад

@missylou82 3 месяца назад

Same here. Saying God, doesn’t like liars.

@lalani888ARTblue Год назад

"You didn't tell me that part".....🎯 That's exactly what they do when giving you their fabricated version of their ex. They create a version that makes them appear to be the victim. They will change this version from time to time just to keep you feeling confused and insecure. And understand clearly that the version they create about 'you' for other's to hear...as well as your own children to hear...is no different. They want to keep everyone in a FOG of uncertainty. They are devious and have no loyalty to anyone.

@thecustodian1023 Год назад

I'm dealing with that related to court issues. It's like they have no clue that the stuff they try to spin around (massive and repeated lying by obvious omission and twisted contexts) to make them look like the victims is already heavily documented and in the lawyer's hands clearly showing otherwise.

@denisemorris5583 Год назад

When you grow up in such an environment, one's perception even of reality is wishy washy. Nothing is clearly black and white, but grey and fluid. I believe this affects brain development and even impacts learning and test-taking - thus, yet another impact on success in life.

@skinnyway Год назад

absolutely. this is my life also. ❤‍🔥❤‍🔥

@mr.makedonija2627 Год назад

100 percent

@catherinepraus8635 Год назад

Most definitely

@carolnahigian9518 Год назад

If I ever hear Cousin Toxic Windy tell the truth, it would be a Shock. For 66 years; she always has an AGENDA-lie

@bereal6590 Год назад

Very true. My parents not only didn't teach barely anything useful, they tear down reality forcing a distorted mindset I to their kids. All that causes is confusion

@secondhorizon Год назад

When they're not lying ~ they're not trying.

@sandrathomas2893 Год назад

Or sleeping 😁

@Lemana28021989 Год назад

Of course it is. It protects their fragile ego, their perception of life and those around them. By lying they justify towards themselves what isn't true. If they would stop lying, they'd have to admit that most of what came before wasn't true either. They survive only on basis of their constructed reality..

@Lemana28021989 Год назад

Oh and in addition, their lies will enable their micro managing, the word salad and the talks about "that's not true but by talking about the lies we are not talking about what really should be talked about"

@mr.makedonija2627 Год назад

1000 percent

@wordswordswords8203 Год назад

Very well put.

@robertharrison1058 Год назад

Of course narcissists will lie to the day they die they are pathological liers as they aren't ever in the wrong they can't take any accountability as it's poison to them.

@HealedChakras777 Год назад

Agreed! I used to actually tell my ex narc that he was living in a different reality than the rest of us. I eventually grew weary of trying to bring him into the reality that is. I'm convinced that narcs live in whatever la la land they constructed.

@wojill5420 Год назад

I just had a smear campaign run against me by my mother in law and her daughter, they tried turning a niece against me after I took care of my dying father in law and my sister in law who had a kidney transplant. I guess being nice to these people means they come to resent you and spread lies about you. Pretty screwed up

@lisalynch629 Год назад

The more you do the more they resent and slander you

@elizabethf9096 Год назад

That’s terrible and sad God bless u for helping

@robertharrison1058 Год назад

And even if you can do something better than them they hate it I'm considered the favorite of my mums 5 kids simply because I was her carer when she had a hip and knee operation and I've had a sister think they was my mums favorite and when my mum explained how that wasn't the case they grew bitter and resentfullness especially to me I've seen her badmouth me in front of me to others because she can't seem to see I'm in the room and now I've tried to hold her to account I've been threatened been gaslit to hell and blackmailed and now the narcissist sister started her smear campaign telling others she's the victim.

@lacecurtainirish Год назад

I can relate. I stepped up to help my parents in the years prior to their passing. My narc sister did zero to help but spent a great deal of effort telling anyone who would listen that I was doing it in order to steal everyone’s inheritance. After my mom passed, she convinced my father to sign everything over to her and he did. I wish I could’ve afforded a lawyer to fight it but I couldn’t. What really hurt is that she gave away family heirlooms to strangers rather than offer them to me or my children. You’re right - it’s pretty screwed up.

@mommaboombam3764 Год назад

Lying has no room in my life. When you learn the techniques that are used to manipulate you, you get better at spotting lies from others. Stay strong everyone. Close that chapter and move on in life without them bc you deserve better. Amen 🙏

@hchayes9431 Год назад

Narcissistic persons seem to: tattle tale, gossip, have high drama stories about others often engaging their flying monkeys to spread the word.

@michaelgoldberg7403 Год назад

Yes my friend. That's part of the show.

@judyosowa5516 9 месяцев назад

Thank you for free therapy l been destitute during divorce this has been life saving listening to you helping the helpless

@SurvivingNarcissism 9 месяцев назад

Very pleased for this feedback.

@jameshutchins3396 Год назад

They can not lose no matter what is at stake, big or small

@newsflash6593 Год назад

knowledge is power and the narc understands that... lying is also about staying in control.

@vickimerritt2832 Год назад

In control of the circus of lies.

@chayo4537 Год назад

All this knowledge but no one's practicing what they preach

@rebeccablakey2637 Год назад

A Narcissists lies to cover their wrong deeds and will keep lying to cover their lies. This is a cycle that keeps repeating over and over again. My family has experienced this from a narcissist. There is absolutely no moral compass that a person with this problem had or uses to make decisions. Narcissists like to be the victim to get their supply.

@emotown1 Год назад

There is a simpler explanation which is (I think) they just lie repeatedly because they know it isn’t nice or fair. It’s to put the recipient in “their place”.

@kirsikka3752 Год назад

They say they are not lying, they just protect your feelings, because you are too sensitive. In fact they protect their access to you, because you would leave if you knew the truth.

@ging-a-roo2429 7 месяцев назад

I feel sick. I have been out of my relationship for years and I still feel sick looking back and buying the BS.

@Eaglespy72gmailcom 5 месяцев назад

Is your partner manipulative, and you want access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72

@dianesavant2818 Год назад

Lying is done by a narc with no remorse.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

Their conscience is definitely turned off.

@dianesavant2818 Год назад

@Surviving Narcissism I'm not sure they have one. You have helped me so much. Thank you.

@mikediamond353 Год назад

Maybe they're born Without a Godly Soul.

@faithhopecharity2386 Год назад

I feel like this is their #1 trait, bearing false witness.

@maryheiser311 Год назад

Do they get a thrill out of seeing how much lying they can get away with? Seems the more they get away with the more they will lie. After while it seems that lying becomes more natural for them than being truthful and they get a bigger and bigger thrill from what they get away with.

@darynagorska655 Год назад

You are 100% right!!! It's like a game to them!

@cr4228 6 месяцев назад

They are cruel, heartless beings. Move on even while professing loyalty. Move on and discard in minutes.

@Eaglespy72gmailcom 5 месяцев назад

Is your partner manipulative, and you want access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72

@Bianca-sw5id Год назад

They have no inner peace ☮️ because they have decided to stick to looking for the next supply to extract from and observe another person's pain and suffering. . . their brain is misfiring 🤣

@MarlanWarren Год назад

I really admire the way you never seem to run out of information and points about narcissism, Dr. C! I'm still dealing with narcissistic clients and you hit it right on the head about the constant need to lie in order to make themselves look better than they are. Sadly, I usually know what the truth is and then I have to watch them dance. Keeping my mouth shut most of the time until I call them on their BS. It doesn't seem to phase them when I speak truth. The subject just gets changed.

@keplermission4947 Год назад

Got you when you said that "You hit it right on the head". Dark Triad people use words like 'hit', you know your truth might not be theirs? 🙄

@lorettaenglerth1361 Год назад

They just do the back peddle lying game for their survival/ to feel important..

@OneWhoKnowz Год назад

I am a truth speaker ❤ shit bothers their asses

@jonnuanez7183 Год назад

@@keplermission4947"Hit it right on the head" is a saying, a phrase, to make a point. No real need to read more into it than what you think you saw. And using the phrase doesn't make a person a "dark triad". Yeesh!

@keplermission4947 Год назад

@@jonnuanez7183 No but using the phrase suggests that the person probably is because they use language like that. But just believe what you like, you know, you die if you do and you die if you don't

@jannettekirwin4530 Год назад

I really don't think they deserve all this attention and analysis. They are liars, they are vacant nothings. Full stop

@Cheechochic 27 дней назад

I'm finally accepting that my hubby of 23 years, is easily one of the BIGGEST Narcs to ever be plopped on the Earth. He's done sooo much to me and our children, we're all now damaged for life! Looking back at allllll the red flags, I should've ran for the hills from day 1. Hes now been a Preacher for over 10 years, yet still lies literally daily. It's exhausting... but, I'm now at the point that all love and hope has been absolutely pulverized and just the sight of him now disgusts me. 23 years down the drain.

@BodyByBenSLC 5 месяцев назад

My brother was a narcissist. He was a fun house mirror of lies, half truths and omissions. Ruined his relationship with his sons, lost every job he ever had and was a low level con-man. Terrible alcoholic but never got treatment or even admitted he had a problem. Last Saturday he was found dead under a pier in Alaska. 44 years old what a waist.

@PrincessCashmonie 4 месяца назад

Do you miss your brother? Do you feel better in the inside?

@nv_chino 4 месяца назад

Sorry about growing up with that. RIP to him, seriously, life of chaos , he kind of deserve peace from himself

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x Месяц назад

When narcisists go into their lying mode it says they have quit on themselves and want to make you responsible for their life miseries and project their shame onto you to absolve themselves from the responsibility for their unfinished business. Let’s not let that happen. Thank you so much dr Carter ❤

@almohvn33 Год назад

I will say this. I was FORCED to lie also. I had to, to calm the nut case, and to GET OUT and NC! I did all I could to TRY and work it out. I will say, for some of you, for your safety.. You might HAVE to lie. This is not the time for truth. You will recover.. you will get past this. !!!!

@sigmajapheth9414 Год назад

THAT'S DEFINITELY A TOTAL TRUTH

@douaa1934 Год назад

They think of it as a defense tool used to disarm others. They also frequently use it to gaslight others

@PinkScorpion333 Год назад

Yup!!

@TC-gx3qn Год назад

Seeing how they lie to themselves is the most disturbing of all to me. There is no limit to the amount of evil a person that can successfully lie to themselves is capable. Another great video, Dr C. Blessings from California. 🐕

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

Thanks, T C

@JackieFerrell-f6o 24 дня назад

Wow! I didn't know that lying is psychological laziness. My ex said "lying is always easy as long as I don't get caught." I almost fell off my chair when I heard him say that.

@NextLevelTherapy Год назад

So true. My goodness. When they do the deny attack thing when they’re found out and blame you, just give in a couple days so they can think of a lie to their lies. I realized they need a couple days to figure out a believable lie to honest and real proof of the lies. It’s really sad. I agree with a comment that they are insane. It’s sad. I feel for these very broken people that truly can’t see themselves or reality.

@Cowface Год назад

My narcissist lied to me for years… about me. Any time I took time to care for myself? Selfish. Any time I told her how her actions made me feel? I’m manipulating her (she’s not responsible for my feelings after all!) Any time I didn’t meet her expectations? I don’t love her. Any time I tried to make friends and a life outside of her? I’m going to leave her. Any time I make a request or complaint in the relationship? I’m attacking her self worth and telling her she’s a bad wife. None of that was true!! Maybe she really was that paranoid and actually believed it, but eventually I started to believe it myself. I stopped doing self care, making requests, asserting myself, holding her accountable and just became a shell of my former self. Eventually I realized this was all happening, and started to miss who I was when I met her. That’s when I knew it was time to end it. She’s now in my life only as coparent, but the lack of self-trust persists. The only difference is now I’m aware of it. I know this video was about lying and not gaslighting but as you say, lying becomes gaslighting.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

You're seeing into her own troubled soul. Don't filter your responses and priorities through someone who has not figured out life.

@Cowface Год назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you kindly 🙏

@kallen3506 Год назад

Remember Dear Ones, your BEST response in dealing with the narc is NO CONTACT. Dr C provides us with sanity moves (chessboard) when we have to engage with such. Presently I have to engage with a syrupy, full-of-religiosity, relative. I do alot of grey-rocking, I say zero about my personal life/family/hopes. I DO talk about the weather, vague stuff. I try to do that which is necessary (at their home) & do my best to keep my vibration/energy high, then leave. Done. I move my mind to elsewhere Immediately afterward. Dear Ones train yourself to keep Your Energy! Be aware if you start getting frustrated, aggravated, angry - I have been in that place too! - let them keep their "stuff" that they want to rope you into. Thank you Dr C !!

@bereal6590 11 дней назад

I didn't realise what a liar my mother is until she became a bit forgetful. Forgetting what she had said to me previously! Now it's glaringly obvious.

@preparedsurvivalist2245 Год назад

What I discovered from my narc is how diverse is their ability for deception. Its not just outright lies, its exaggeration. Its strategically omitting key details. Its future faking. All varying forms of deceit. They do this for many reasons, but typically it's to avoid accountability or to keep you immersed in a problem or conflict with them so they can extract supply.

@snowbear1877 Год назад

My mother accused me of lying to the police and child protection about being abused. I think she genuinely believed I was a liar, because she never recognised that what she and my father did was abuse.

@mareeamor3596 Год назад

Yes, outright lying or omitting the truth selectively are tactics the narcissist in my life uses constantly. Lying about something I said - even seconds ago - to gaslight the heck out of me, is very transparent.

@akai.christo Год назад

I've been lied for too long by a NPD father. I understand how he ended up been NPD, it helps me with the forgiveness process. But I am in a sort of limbo. Thank you Dr. C ♥️🙏🔥 Beautiful day and week for you and everybody here!! 💪🙂✌️

@jenniferannfox2316 Год назад

I have a mother who does this and did all while I was growing up. She actually was jealous of me and my life choices and basically took away and smeared me to my children so well that they are estranged from me now. I find it hard to keep a close relationship even though I know I have forgiven her. I realized years later possibly why she did those things but nonetheless the consequences hurt me for decades. I'm now married to a narc who is trying to improve in counseling but he still has a tendency to lie if it makes him look better or avoid his perceived conflict. I have stood my ground and said I would not tolerate any more lying as it destroys relationships. Through this process I've strengthened my relationship with God. Only staying in the word daily and through prayer do I realize that no matter what people do to us, He will never leave us and He won't lie to us. As a Christian, I realize that the Holy Spirit in me is the only way I truly forgave my mother. Forgiveness frees both you and the offender.

@noneyourbusiness7311 Год назад

Absolutely 💯 me too. My nf is dead and I haven't missed him. That's sad to have to say. He was perverted. Dirty jokes etc. Very controlling and yet full of fear. Selfish and greedy. Always right and if you didn't agree with him and b be ON HIS SIDE .. unquote.. you were his enemy and out to get him. He could be funny but mostly in an off the wall making fun of others sort of way. I have forgiven him and think he's in hell but that was between him and God. I tried to share the gospel with of course pure rejection and belittling. It was what it was and I'm glad it's over. Now for 11 years I've been dealing with my NM on a low contact level. I can't seem to go NC and that's my choice and I can live with that. She lives over 1000 miles away. Very sad life I've had with my immediate family it could have been so good and it was and is soooo bad!! I forgave her too .. for ME!! to not hold hurt and unforgiveness in my heart. I'm better than that!! With God's help. My prayers are with you. I UNDERSTAND!! 🫂

@mr.makedonija2627 Год назад

How did he become one, you think....

@Emberedits2013 Год назад

They'll lie right to your face about you.

@mehitabel1290 3 месяца назад

They do. My N mother did this. She lied to me about the person I was - and I believed her. I grew up believing I was "mental", "peculiar" and neurotic. It was only in my late 40s that I finally realised I'm none of those things.

@Bianca-sw5id Год назад

I can't wait to hear 🥰 from Doctor 🥰 Carter 🥰 on this subject , because I am sure this is why curing most probably 99% of Narcissistist behaviour is not possible

@dsaylor36 Год назад

That and they don't think anyone is capable of understanding them. They believe they are much smarter or clever then everyone else- hence being called a narcicisst

@sallyoakes7709 Год назад

and then there's lying just to be mean. My mom encountered an amazimg number of people who expressed frustration and criticism of me and who were compelled to tell her all about it - including my Sunday School teacher! Wow, it's unusual how many rude people she met and she had to tell me every one of them and the inadequacies "they" saw in me. I was grown before I realized that she was making it all up. She still does it - and pits my sister and me against each other.

@deemaysie6568 Год назад

You had me laughing!! This cruelty is a favourite ploy of BPD mothers. Sounds like we have the same mother.

@cymbolichuman433 Год назад

I guess you didn't kiss her ass hard enough...

@queenreg7 Год назад

Yeah. My ex used to tell me lies about how other people (his mom, usually) supposedly thought about me (ugly, bad hair, awkward). Glad that was a long time ago. I let him have it when i found out the truth but of course it was somehow either my fault or his bad childhood 😮

@msredcurtains Год назад

Omg ! I recently realised this, and it has been retraumatizing! I’m thinking back to times I believed those lies, and lived my life based on those lies, and now I can remember some things said that had no proof it happened, that somebody said that. She alienated me from everyone and made me think that the world was a dark scary place and that everyone is out to harm me and that only she can be trusted.

@chloebell22 5 месяцев назад

I’m so glad you have the truth ❤️

@ReRe_642 Год назад

One thing about lying. You have to remember them.

@sallybrady1074 Год назад

That doesn’t stop Meghan Markle!

@vickimerritt2832 Год назад

no, they just lie more to not be caught in all the other lies. like pinning jello to a wall.

@ReRe_642 Год назад

@@vickimerritt2832 exactly

@mikediamond353 Год назад

@@ReRe_642 wow...a person has to be on their guard, even in the comments!

@kathywalker4766 Год назад

Yep they are pathological liers

@Deepintent Год назад

Sometimes, one has to speak one's truth to keep one's sanity.

@chuckdow1 Год назад

To many people, lies and truth are the same. They justify using lies and truth interchangeable, according to the situation helping them looking good and right.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

Unfortunately you make sense.

@madonnahagedorn5649 17 дней назад

My sister is an obsessive liar. Her biggest problem is having someone not go along with her, like me. I can see the panic come over her when she knows I know the truth and don't tolerate her bad behavior. I don't let her suck me into all that. If someone asks me what's going on, I set them straight when I'm sure about the circumstances. Her lying gets her into trouble and still somehow it ends up being someone else's fault. It's exhausting. I don't engage her anymore and I have resumed a calm life.

@dinky-diridgy-didge636 Год назад

The only problem in holding your ground is they then go into nasty punishment mode for you catching them out. You get the HOW DARE YOU statement. Dealing with a brat child. It's just not a workable pleasant interaction, just think to yourself I know your full of it and walk away otherwise they are going to want to argue. A whatever situation here Dr C.

@Corinna_Schuett_GER Год назад

I don't even have to watch this to immediately subscribe to the title! My own mother LIVES her LIES, a whole life of LIES! 👍👍

@Blueskies445 2 месяца назад

The constant lies are unreal! So many lies, when I call her out on it because I am trying to tell her what she originally said, wow, the rage, anger, she starts yelling and trying to fumble her way out of her lies! I cannot stand this! I disconnected my relationship with my birth father many many years ago, and I disconnecting my relationship with my birth mother! There is absolutely no happiness in their lives! I can feel the evil when around her. I would not be friends with someone like this, at all! So it doesn't matter if it's your parents if it's causing stress on you it's time to leave!!

@obi-wankenobi8462 Год назад

The last narc I knew said once when asked why he lies, “the most important lie I tell is the lie I tell to myself”

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

In other words, it was very deliberate!

@Unbreakablechic Год назад

The narcissist told me that my openess is not always good for a relationship Also that by being this way he believes that I don't know what brings peace in a relationship. So toxic and strange. He is very secretive and deceitful.

@theofficialnikkisnews Год назад

Narcissists lie when the truth will do.

@noneyourbusiness7311 Год назад

Well if they went around telling the truth no one would want to have anything to do with them!! But also lying is their FIRST LANGUAGE!! 😈 PURE EVIL!!

@dinky-diridgy-didge636 Год назад

They lie and are pretty proud of themselves even when caught out they'll laugh they really don't care

@stanleydrive740 Год назад

Gus is on his blanket today🥰 So cute! Dear Doc, I so appreciate your teachings, it is life-saving. The more I learn from you, gradually I feel more free. All the invalidation unlocks. Dear Doc, you have been a godsend to me. Thank you so very much🧡🧡

@LennyCR Год назад

Narcissists like it ....... Narcissist's lye kit! Thanks again, Dr. C!!

@flightydancer Год назад

After lying so much they complain that people close to them don't trust them.

@RandyDecious 7 месяцев назад

THEY NEVER SEE THAT THERE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IN A GIVEN SITUATION THERE MENTALITY ITS 4:03EVERY O M E EVERYBODY ELSE IS F UP NOT HARD TO REASON WITH LIKE BEING ON TRIAL

@jyes23. Год назад

I just can't comprehend that they believe their lies

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

That's because you think like a normal person.

@Corinna_Schuett_GER Год назад

They actually LIVE their lies and believe them.

@marlineemmal6458 Год назад

@@Corinna_Schuett_GER They think they have everyone fooled and that their capacity to deceive others proves they're superior!

@RandyDecious 7 месяцев назад

THERE EGO 4:03 🎉 4:03 WONT LET THEM TELL THE TRUTH EGO 2 FRAIL FOR THIS WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WHAT. A MISERABLE EXSISTENCE 😢😂😮😅😊

@dragoness777 Год назад

Listening to this mindset honestly is very much like listening to my teenaged mindset, minus the element of remorse that I have from it. No wonder narcissism "runs in families", I was literally taught that the "world's out to get you so you have to lie sometimes" mentality was normal. My own family would accuse me of lying all the time and I would have to lie in order to get out of the accusation, even though I was telling the truth normally. If I want to change as a person? I'm acting weird and lying (even if we have a whole argument about why I started doing things different). If I shut my door? I'm hiding something (as if you want to see some of the stuff I do alone? Also, what if I just don't want the cat to step on my fresh paintings?) The more honest I am the more confused I get. I've seen family lie to people's faces and complain about them behind their back. Currently I try to be as honest as I can while being as polite as the situation demands. In my family, politeness overtakes honesty.

@SwimminWitDaFishies Год назад

Would your family members respond to any question you posed to them with "Why do you ask?" or "What's behind your question?" It's something my husband does to me and I am sometimes just asking a question out of curiosity or because I just want to know what he thinks about the topic I'm asking him about. Apparently I always have to have an ulterior motive for wanting to gain knowledge 🤔

@dragoness777 Год назад

@@SwimminWitDaFishies Some do and those family members can be reasoned with to an extent, but the most egregious ones just assumes that I'm being a smartass and argumentative because I have to "be right about everything" (it has gotten worse since I have been in university and contributed to conversations from the perspective of my field, up to being called a liar, which is funny because I'm studying a social science which is a field that challenges ideas of "right" and sometimes I don't even offer a perspective that is my own). Also yeah my mother especially accuses me of ulterior motives all the time, she calls me "spiteful" even if I have nothing to be spiteful towards (it got to the point where my default emotion towards her is apathy and that makes her angry).

@msredcurtains Год назад

Wow I could totally relate to your words! Every interaction with them makes you feel like a thief talking to a cop. Even if you have done nothing wrong, you’re always looked at like that. As a child, You’re calculating the possible answers in your mind, which answer will not get me in trouble? Over time, we are always left with that guilty feeling. And we can’t be authentically ourselves, we always have to calibrate our answers for them.

@texanatexannadebdeb Год назад

My narc lied to get what he wanted, to avoid responsibility to make himself look better, and just to lie. He often lied when the truth would’ve worked just as well. I think for him it is just pathological, he can’t not lie.😖

@kateandphoebe 11 месяцев назад

I believe that narcissists who lie do not know they are lying. The first building block of everything that a narcissist believes, is that the narcissist is always right. Everything else is built on top of that original building block - that the narcissist is always right. If it's a situation where the narcissist is indeed right, then everything built on top of that first building block will be true and accurate. But if it's a situation where the narcissist is wrong, everything that is then built on that original building block of the narcissist "being right" will be grossly perverse and will do a lot of damage to a lot of people. But in the narcissist's mind, he/she has not done anything wrong. The narcissist has merely remained consistent with his/her most crucial principle - that he/she is always right and that any information not consistent with that must be discarded.

@Morpheus-pt3wq Год назад

Lying only works, if you know, how to lie. If you can´t do that, then it´s better to only share required minimum of information or not tell them anything at all. Learn to make and maintain boundary for that. It´s honestly the best, when narcissists become so entangled within their lies, they start mixing them up and accidentally reveal more, than they ever wanted.

@chayo4537 Год назад

Hmm. That's interesting. Lying only works if you know how lie.

@patricianeville1941 Год назад

Dr. Carter, thank, thank you so much for making this video! ❤️🙏🏻It has been very helpful and certainly fits what the narcissist I know is doing. They also think they are more intelligent and that gives them the right to use lying! 😝

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

Hi Patricia. You are quite welcome.

@gettingonabit7988 Год назад

I recently got caught out with a big whopping lie. It made me angry, but also really sad. This is something I've had to deal with this all my life.

@AnonymousYaz Год назад

It kinda makes sense why my ex narcissist lied to the police claiming that I assaulted her after she found out that I knew about her cheating on me. I guess she wanted to have the upper hand and stay in control but I was lucky that witness seen what happened and it was all recorded on camera so she was told outright by the police that she's lying.

@RatedArggg Год назад

I just got a mental image of Fonzie (from Happy Days) starting to comb his hair in the mirror. Then he stops and says "Nah, I'm already perfect."

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

That made me grin.

@gypsymonk8229 Год назад

Lying is weakness. 🙏👍

@MH_Prof Год назад

When I first started dating my ex who was a textbook NPD, he would tell servers in restaurants he was from the corporate office. Everyone would be hopping around trying to give us top notch service because of his lies. I would only say I don’t have anything to do with that. Dr. Carter is right. I should have called him out. When we would get back in the car, he would say it was “theatrics.” I would say no it’s not, it’s lying. Nobody asked you to put on entertainment in that place. These are the types of things that caused me to start to hate him. Eventually, I walked away. I hated his character, so essentially, I hated him. Dating him is the biggest regret of my life.

@z32luvr Год назад

Without their lies they would fall apart.

@michaelfox9750 Год назад

I married my ex under the explicit condition that I would never reveal that our daughter (an only child who was 12 when we wed) came from her previous marriage. Her church friends would ask how long we'd been married, and I'd always fudge my reply to conceal the fact that I was an adoptive father. This went on for 22 years. After the split, a mutual friend was stunned that I had married a single mom and never had kids of my own. (She didn't want any more.) It was only then that I realized I'd propped up her social image and diminished my own.

@bobbruce4135 Год назад

I see lots of men, myself included, doing things not in our best interest in the long-run because we didn't have the many options some guys have. And, there wasn't the red tablet knowledge of own way some years back. Wheat Waffles channel shows the facts (I don't rank well). I ended up with an "N", learned the hard way on that. No many good options for most of us.

@hauntedsalmon7931 Год назад

He told me that he broke his leg because he didn’t see some construction while riding his bicycle. His brother told me that ex got drunk and got belligerent with someone at a bar who then broke it. I think this lie also covers up his abusive nature.

@tombuddy100 Год назад

Just one of many anecdotes concerning my old aunt: She was cussing one morning. I asked her why she was cussing. She answered that she never cussed. I said to her that she had just cussed 10 seconds ago. She said how she could express herself otherwise.

@bethtaylor9773 Год назад

That sounds more like psychopathy in which two diametrically opposed ideas can be true (in the psychopath's mind) at the same time. 'I shot her; I loved her and would have never hurt her.'

@dianestetzler9978 Год назад

Thanks for your insight! I'm married to a narcissist and have always thought in the back of my mind that he has been lying but I can never seem to catch him in it because he denies everything. Ever since I've been having health problems, I'm getting very little support from him. He turns everything around so that the focus is on his health problems and has no empathy for me. I'd like to leave but financially I can't afford it.

@denicehaley9902 Год назад

Diane, unfortunately, I’m in the exact boat as you. 😢

@PinkScorpion333 Год назад

I'm so sorry!!

@Mishmixalot 2 месяца назад

I left my narc, but am living in the shed of our home due to not having finances to move. I am so much happier out here and away from him. As long as I stay away from him, I am healing every day.

@butchieblock9118 Год назад

My mother has no clue that she's lying, it's become a Mainstay foundation for her entire existence! For my own sanity, I just had to let it go, and let her go. I don't try anymore. She physically attacked me twice and that was enough. That was when I already dropped $10,000 on her and she was living in MY house. And then she sold her former house for $300,000, I have not seen a penny of repayment. But that's okay because I don't need to see her anymore.

@optical-illusion9996 Год назад

People of the Lie, Scott M. Peck... a must read on this topic

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

A ground breaking book, for sure!

@christinadennis1223 Год назад

She bit him! 😂 Then complained about being shoved! If you don't laugh, you will cry. Impossible

@jeankipper6954 Год назад

One of pop's favorite sayings was, "If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit." With a big belly laugh. Lying was just part of the game.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

I've mentioned in other videos that to a narcissist, relationships are competitions, and your comment is a good example.

@jeankipper6954 Год назад

Yeah. Mind games with little kids. Way to 'prove' themselves. SO appreciate your work.

@spiritgurl1111 Год назад

“Lying is a form of laziness. It’s a form of procrastination.” Yes!!!! TY for someone finally saying this omg “a psychological laziness” wow

@Gardenwitch1954 Год назад

If their lips are moving they are lying.🙊

@amandaliverpool3374 Год назад

Lying is not just a necessity, to them, it's second nature. I remember when when my ex stepfather used to omit telling me when he and his biological daughter had been for lunch. He knew I wanted to meet her. He kept saying 'next time' as though I was jealous or something. We knew about each other for 40+ yrs. He used to talk about her to me and vica versa. We met eventually but are not close as we were kept apart growing up. Needless to say, neither of us see him now although we keep in touch. The weird thing is, he remarried after Mum passed and is 'stepfather' to her kids His 'new family' are more than welcome to him and his lies!

@henrykujawa4427 Год назад

'next time' This may seem trivial, but... when I was a kid, my "best friend" at the time and I used to play "pretend" games (which requires a lot of ingenuity and creativity, it's like improvisational acting!). He ALWAYS had to be a character who was in charge, I was the "sidekick". Anytime I'd ask, why can't I be the one in charge and HE the sidekick, he was always, "Oh, NEXT time." It sounds silly... but looking back, I wish I'd have had the self-esteem to tell him one day, "Okay, until then, SEE YOU LATER." Decades later, I suddenly recognized him as a fictional character on TV-- "Eric Cartman" on SOUTH PARK. That was a spooky moment.

@amandaliverpool3374 Год назад

@@henrykujawa4427 Thank-you for sharing your story and it's not silly to want to take turns. The 'next time' is really a 'no or never'. My ex stepfather was actually gutted when I met my stepsister. When we got talking, the lies came out. It must have been a shock when you saw what became of him your ex friend. At least sharing these experiences, we realise that we are not the only ones that have been duped. Take care 🙏

@DiscordOfDave Год назад

My ex, in order to avoid lying, would deal in implications and avoidance. She would do certain actions or make certain claims that implied something, and when called out on it either say she never made the claim she was implying (technically true) or she would completely ignore you. When actually caught lying she’d just brush it off in some way.

@staceycleary8736 Год назад

Thank you for this channel. I found you when I thought I was losing my mind in my relationship. I found you 9 years into my relationship. You confirmed all the things that I was thinking & what I was seeing about my BF’s behavior. I learned I was in a relationship with a narcissist! By watching your channel I became healthier, set my boundaries & finally left him at 11 years. I had had enough & I’m done.

@TC-gx3qn Год назад

Good for you!

@83CarlosI Год назад

They also rationalize their lies by saying they don't want to hurt you with the truth. Wow, what an empathetic person! And I thought you were a totally cruel person all of this time.

@incognito595 7 месяцев назад

LIARS ALWAYS. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT LIE. .

@3nrika Год назад

I shoved a narcissist once. They characterised me as an unstable and violent person. What actually happened was they had went and acquired the spare key to the bathroom and I shoved them out when they opened the door. So I'm the bad guy, in their mind. Talk about no comprehension of boundaries.

@SurvivingNarcissism Год назад

See if you can search for my video about reactive abuse. You'll find it pertinent.

@3nrika Год назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for the recommendation. I'm not exactly proud of the way I reacted and I'm keeping an eye on that sort of thing. All the best,

@kennethlapointesongwriter3330 Год назад

Think about why in a court they make someone swear to 'tell the truth'...'the whole truth'...and 'nothing but the truth'. A narcissist would probably swear to it, while grinning and say 'No problem!!' Which itself would be a lie....sheesh.