About ten years ago, there was an animation company down the road that was struggling to get on its feet. They scraped enough together for the technology and the labor to get a project done. The studio shut down before they even settled on a name, leaving just an empty cement warehouse on our block as proof of their existence. The theory is they had to close due to bankruptcy, but given that they managed to finish one film before their business closed down, I'm not sure that's the case.
I've watched what they made. I managed to get my hands on a DVD they had produced, mainly because I was lucky enough to live within walking distance of the place it was made. Everyone who wanted one got a copy for fifty bucks, "as a last-ditch effort to obtain some more money for another project", they say. "Too Kid Friendly", the company called it. The back of the case just has a picture of five square monsters with a white text wall on a sky-blue background:
"See the first film ever from [REDACTED]! Featuring friends, Mimi, Oofity, Scrambler, Blu, and Totes on their wacky misadventures in the Scrumpadilly Hills! Sing along to silly songs, bust a gut, have a great time hanging with the monster crew!"
Before I even put it into the disk player, something about this put me off. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the lack of any emotion or playfulness on the cover. I mean, the title of the film was in Times New Roman, for crying out loud. And there's no names anywhere on it; No one wants to take credit for whatever this is. It's some bizarre monstrosity held together with duct tape, medical staples, and malicious intent. I'm not entirely sure who made this, nor who this is for. It's definitely not for kids, I'll tell you that. But I can't imagine any adult who would take pride in owning this. It's not funny, nor do I think it's trying to be. It's not enjoyable, not by any stretch of the imagination. Every time I think about this thing, I feel my skin writhe like there's spiders crawling under it.
It's not haunted. Trust me, this company is...was incompetent. Their animators clearly couldn't rotate objects to save their lives. But I doubt they took part in the paranormal or whatever. This thing is just so creepy, I feel like I'm watching some psychopath's idea of an ARG. There's bits and pieces everywhere, some that make sense, some that don't. Why does the orange guy grow an arm? Where does the pink one go after the third act? Who is Max? Why is he specially thanked? Why did some guy just want to be credited as "Lee"? Why did none of the voice actors ask for credit, let alone the animators? I could go on for days.
I feel like this is some big troll. Like, they specifically made this just to mess with people. They probably would, it sounds like some business tactic corporations use these days to gain public attention and empty wallets. And this company barely got off the ground, this kind of money-grubbing scheme sounds right up their alley.
But then another part of me thinks that can't be. They made this, gave it to us, and left.
It's like we were the only ones meant to lay eyes on it.
31 дек 2021
