Tumblr's Fake Stories: The Legend Continues 

YALL!!!! So I put ‘strange aeons’ as my name in Starbucks and the barista yelled ‘SOMEONE WITH TASTE?!?’ And I said ‘YESS! THATS ME!’ And then everyone around me started to applaud. Omg 😭😭

One of my favourite fake tumblr posts is the one that simply reads "i just ate some delicious ravioli. no i didnt. do u see how easily lies can be spread on the internet?"

those nails would be perfect for a children's hospital fundraiser

My grandma unironically showed me the fake chicken goop post and I had to explain to her that it was from Teletubbies.

When I censored myself saying the f-slur in "I can decide what's human" post, I was actually saying "ferrets" under the bleep

14 year old me with undiagnosed autism: ah yes people are telling cool and fun stories they have no reason to lie i can trust all this information

"bitch that's the tubby custard machine" lives rent free in my head

the most unrealistic part of the benedict cumberbatch one is the idea that a class about volcanoes is boring

as someone who has been going to catholic school the last 3 years, people shout CRISTO at the gay people with supernatural satan nails all the time this is totally legit

just a tip for history lovers: NEVER GET YOUR FACTS FROM TUMBLR

The idea that maybe somewhere in our timeline someone has definitely overheard a conversation about johnlock and thought it was about John Locke and left horrified. That makes me smile 😌

as a gay guy i agree with how weird it is tumblr is obsessed with gay ships its always felt horribly fetishy

Honestly, as a goth, I’ve had so many weird interactions with Christians that the first one could almost be true. If it wasn’t for the obviously scripted dialogue I would believe it.

Tbh I bet the cupcake one is real. Mom just mentions in passing "hey can you make some cupcakes for me" and kid with hyperfixation goes "hell yeah demon cupcakes" and oops! Church bakesale cupcakes, actually!

With how many fake stories there are this could be a 100 part series and I would watch every single video with undying devotion

also about real person shipping- it not only fetishizes gay men, but also affects their personal lives a lot. if they ARE in a relationship, then congrats, you've made them scared to come out because "wE bEen kNEw" and makes them feel like they horribly failed at pretending to be straight. if they're actually straight, then congrats, they now feel insecure about their sexuality, and they're scared to tell the world they're straight in fear of backlash from these shippers. also not to mention that this shipping affects their professional lives a lot. media speculation, pre-emptive homophobia, and management forcing them to distance themselves, which would severely affect their friendship with each other, and not to mention, arranging beards for them. plus, whether they're queer or straight, if the person either of them choose to date isn't each other, these same shippers go insane and attack the new partner. like, ship fictional characters in a healthy way. at least you won't be ruining a real human being's life and interpersonal relationships that way.

I wanna see physcology major dad psychoanalyze the relationship between Dean and Castiel

Someone confusing johnlock for john locke is such 10/10 meme material right here

I don’t really care if people ship characters, but shipping real people makes me uncomfortable. The whole shipping 1D with each other was very uncomfortable to me since they were all pretty young, and their fan base was their age or younger.

I'm so glad to see "bitch that's the tubby custard machine", it fills me with deepest joy. The only two posts on tumblr I can compare it to in that special place in my heart where I hang up all my favourite posts like masterpiece portraits are "spiders georg who lives in a cave" and "daddy's bastard - very strong"

Change your gender in video game, nobody bats an eye. Change your gender in real life, everyone loses their minds! This says a lot about our society, can we get 500 bong rips? This meme was made by Gang Weed

Tubby custard machine is a classic but it’s REALLY hard to beat the “down with cis bus”

The idea of people on Tumblr making up facts about philosopher John Locke is better than what actual happened

As someone who went to Catholic school my whole life, my friend drew a pentagram on the desk then stabbed a nun and everyone was collectively like 'ok' and nothing else happened. I think he got a detention.

Sometimes I'm sad that I missed the prime years of tumblr, then I remember that people compare twitter now to tumblr then and I'm thankful for only hopping on to see the stragglers

The first one sounds like the most annoying scene kid. I imagine that it actually did happen, just not at all how they think it did. Like they really did just stare at them aggressively and growl at them but didn’t have the social skills to understand it’s because they’re being weirdos, not because they think they’re a demon

God I’ve seen the 1D psychology dad one in the wild like three times and every time I’m hit with psychic damage

I'm not going to lie: I fastforwarded through the Cumberbath Pizza one because it went straight to superhell, and then everyone clapped.

Y’ALL i put “ranboo” as my name at starbucks and the barista called out “SOMEONE WITH TASTE???” and i said “YESSS! THAT’S ME!!” and then everyone around me started to sing “amoeba” omfg i’m crying 😭😭 /c

"Is this domino's" started out pretty cute and I might even have believed it until Berenstein Cucumber showed up. Should've stopped while they were ahead.

The gay restaurant post is just??? It was “portrait of Reagan” that got me and then the massive police escalation at the end utter bamboozled me. This truly does feel like Oppa Homeless Style in its odd phrases and nonsensical progression

today at my catholic school i was watching dream x ranboo ship edits and quietly humming the lyrics to mask when the super christian girl came up to me and said "YOU SINNING DEMON. CHRIST WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS SIN. REPENT." so i stood up in the middle of biology class and told her that love is love and she should respect gay people like destiel from supernatural and that jesus never existed! she ran out of the room crying and everyone began clapping, the national anthem played in the background but the lyric about trusting in god was changed to trusting in superwholock and the president came to congratulate me and announce that today was national vkook johnlock day

I feel like Tumblr is just a fever dream at this point

theres something weirdly funny to me about someone refering to a simple regular pentagram as "supernatural inspired nail art"

I love how the second melon description says "it can *prevent* you from aging well into the hundreds" This is a poison melon

As an italian, I must say, that is the most accurate and majestic italian accent I have ever heard, and it was so immersive that my italian DNA increased by 15%

It seems important to mention that I've seen a Dan and Phil version of that 1D post on heritage posts before that was almost completely the same. The concept of "my parent has this degree and so this ship is real," is so overdone lmao

"Bitch, that's the tubby custard machine" still gets to me to this day. No matter how many times I see it, I just have to laugh.

I swear to god that "mechanically separated chicken" image is my fuckin hitman sleeper codeword. "Bitch that's tubby custard" lives in my head rent-free.

I've heard these stories like hundreds of times but somehow they still sound absolutely insane each time

The johnlock thing reminds me of when my teacher was talking about John Locke and my friend goes, johnlock? like Sherlock johnlock? And I had to be like, no please. stop. not in class also this kinda sounds like a fake story lol

The Cristo satanic nails story actually doesn't sound that crazy. The last "update" is probably fake, but the first two parts could be totally legit.

As a Texan, I have had some fake tumblr story level interactions with evangelical Christians, which I will proceed to tell in the fake tumblr story format. First: When I was in middle school I admitted to a girl that I was an atheist and she started a rumor that I was a witch. Then, this summer I noticed a man in the Hobby Lobby checkout line had a cat on his shoulder and said "oh my god a cat" to my friend, and he turned around and launched into this speech about how people say "oh my god" but they don't BELIEVE in the LORD and how he used to serve the devil but now he is saved. He implied that he could tell I didn't believe in god?? Just from looking at me? Which felt homophobic because I had pink hair with the sides shaved (I look very gay and so did my flannel-clad best friend who was with me serving nonbinary forest ranger.) He said some shit about my lifestyle. I felt like I was in a stupid PSA about ignorance. So I'm just being polite and trying to exit this side quest somehow, get my discounted canvases and my bestie's embroidery floss and GTFO. GUY IN "JESUS IS COMING" TEE SHIRT: you need to repent so that the lord can forgive your sins (etc etc) MY SHY INTROVERT BEST FRIEND: hey dude can you fuck off?? GUY: this is a christian store i have a right to express my opinion BESTIE: this is a craft store!!! And then nobody clapped, we just left in a hurry and cried in the car ahaha.

Teya reading that whole sentence in one breath, me panicking that her lung is going to collapse again

The real shame is knowyourmeme doesn't cover many Tumblr memes, thanks for doing God's works

i remember reading that first post in middle school and thinking she was soooo cool and wanting to be like her 😭😭😭

Honestly I adored the One Direction post. The idea of someone pulling the "my dad owns Microsoft and he can get you banned" but with fucking One Direction shipping is incredibly iconic

These are singlehandedly keeping me going until Christmas holidays, thank you for your service Strange

i know its not what they meant but when they said "picture of reagan he keeps around the restaurant" but I immediately took it as like, he has a picture of ronald reagan that he rotates in different places around the restaurant, like sometimes its sitting on the counter and sometimes its hanging on the wall, maybe hiding behind a potted plant. Also people definitely accused people of making up stories for clout. I remember posting a real story about when I worked at bath and body works and someone yelled at me because we didn't have a more "masculine" bag to put some man's gift in. (not really sure how blue and white plaid has gender but ok) and people immediately started clowning on me because they thought it was fake.

Shipping real people always weirded me out.

"bitch, that's the tubby custard machine" has been living in my head rent free ever since i first saw it

17:20 K, in high-school I actually had a friend who submitted fanfiction to his 10th grade English teacher for a short story assignment. It was Lapis Lazuli X Peridot from Steven Universe. Huge crazy plot twist!?: The teacher accepted it and graded him completely normally cause she had absolutely no idea what Steven Universe was, nor did she care about the characters beyond what was presented to her. He got a fairly good grade, think it was a B+ or smth.

When you read the janitor playing jars of piss, i wasnt following the text so piss caught me off guard and i laughed so hard i spat on my phone a little

That last one is hilarious, imagine judging someone for eating mcdonalds while in line at mcdonalds.

I thought I had laughed a lot at the watermellon post additions, since I had never seen them before. But no, it was the ''person who wondered if Johnlock was John Locke'' that broke my composure.

I once got a 100 on a sonnet about Johnlock but it was just bc it was structurally accurate. Like the teacher couldn’t have cared less. One kid wrote about cookies. I wish I’d written about cookies or something so I wouldn’t cringe every time I look back

What makes me laugh about these stories is I was legit part of a story which ended in everyone on the bus clapping and how tf can I even take myself seriously telling that story

About the third one- Yeah no shipping real people is weird as hell. Don’t do that.

these dives make me feel like an old person sitting on a rocking chair, out on the front porch, my grandchildren sitting near my feet, going "ahhh, I remember Moonmelon"

the crazy part of the supernatural cupcake story is how OP managed to write a 7 letter word on a single cupcake also my name is alexandria please respect my melon

Glad you went through the extra effort to wear historically accurate garb (a Welcome To Nightvale t-shirt)

Okay in regard to the flower-crown era of tumblr; I had a phase okay. Friend of mine made one for me, I wore it out in public once and a car full of girls did compliment me while we were crossing the street. Like looking back it was a stupid, silly, #extra thing but it did give me a much needed confidence boost in my journey of accepting not being straight. It was a wholesome, fun era celebrating being a soft boy.

Never really thought about why Tumblr fake stories are made, your explanation makes sense, makes their existence kind of cute and sad too

Someone: Does literally anything resembling a clapback at all Tumblr: You're my hero!

My favorite thing is that 16000 yen is roughly around 155$ even in like 2010 the exchange rate hasn't changed too much

i enjoy the fact that everything in the super hell (derogatory) category has something to do with benedict cumberbatch

I feel like obsessive fans who go full conspiracy theorist over things like Larry should learn from the whole Dan and Phil thing. Cause they ARE gay, and were even in a relationship at one point. But they didn’t choose to come out because of the harassment from weirdos online, in fact all that was just harmful and extremely uncomfortable. Fans stating that they “know the truth” and how it’s “so obvious” wasn’t helpful, it was disrespectful and creepy. Plus more often then not it was just downright fetishizing. Basically what I’m trying to say is that if these fans actually cared about the celebrities they obsess over, they would leave them the fuck alone

I feel like the first one almost could be real if they went to a catholic school tbh. I regularly got called a Satanist for wearing my witchy stuff. They're generally really sheltered and don't have great social skills (neither did I at the time but still).

I feel like I distinctly remember reading the Johnlock essay post. I need to find it. I refuse to believe it's not real

Just gonna take this moment to point out that someone with a major in a field isn't the same thing as someone with a *degree* in a field. Having a major and actually graduating aren't always mutually inclusive terms.

I work at a book store and need to share this with you: the twilight graphic novels are now officially "out of print" and considered really special and collectible and I would love it if you commented on them

I feel like I had old tumblr through these videos even though I was never on it. Your videos let me live through history, thank you.

saw the thumbnail and immediately was like “TUBBY CUSTARD” idc if this video is good or bad i just want to talk about tubby custard post

4:22 Yeah! My absolute favorite one! "mEchANicAlLy SEpaRAteD cHICkEn" is pristine.

i think the physcology dad might be even worse than some girl trying to genuinely convince me that harry says "I'm in love with Lou" instead of "I'm in love with you" at the end of Little Things

Do you prune your basil regularly? The place you pinch it off sprouts TWO new sets of leaves, so it will literally multiply itself. Even if you don't want basil right at a particular moment, you can pinch off a few leaves, then watch your basil multiply. Toss a couple basil leaves in a salad. Make a simple slaw or quick pickle with vinegar and various fresh thinly sliced veggies....

All of these were great but the Larry one just hit me in that part of my brain where cringe and nostalgia overlap

you just brought the memory of "mechanically separated chicken" back up from the darkest trenches of my brain

I still whisper "bitch that's the tubby custard machine" to myself at random times.

They should make a Beyond belief: fact or fiction tumblr edition

The Benedict Cumberbatch story brought back some horrid middle school memories for me XD I hated answering telemarketer phone calls but after reading a similar post to the Benedict story but for Markiplier, I would answer every call I got from LA California (〃'⊥'〃)

okay so about researching the "hipster blog era" of tumblr, i've attempted this many many times. i get nostalgic sometimes because i, i was a hipster girlblogger. unfortunately i was super embarrassed about my high school years when i started art school, so i deleted my original tumblr account. i've looked into it several times, looking for old soft grunge/pastel goth what have you posts, but these kinda posts seem to be less well preserved than the 2010s fandom side of tumblr. so, please please please try this, because i hope you'll do a better job than i did. also, about the whole fandom vs hipster tumblr war, i feel like that was only experienced by the fandom blogs? because i only learnt about this in hindsight, and never saw anyone post about it on my dash.

The guy doing the voice that sounds like an impression of Reagan doing an Italian accent is just *chef’s kiss*

I’d also like to point out, on the Alexandrias melon, the native name “K’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy” is a reference to Supernatural, from Season 8 episode 3

Post one isn’t that far-fetched when you sum it up as “teenager acts like weirdo in school, imagines others being really scared” at least until the pledge of allegiance rant part, that one stretches the imagination.

Ahhh memories from my disturbing childhood… I was so elbow deep in the moon melon lore it was concerning🙇🏾‍♀️

It took me too long to realize that Eon's shirt isn't a black t with purple stripes, but infact a purple eye printed in a square and the microfone foam ,which is the same color as the t-shirt, blocks the image

The whole "and then everyone clapped" thing is so funny to me because my friends/entire class actually does it. Someone will say something incredibly dumb or hilarious at exactly the wrong moment (during a lecture, during a test, the moment the room just happens to go silent). Then everyone will applaud as my brain is just repeating the "and then everyone clapped" line. I'm sure our teachers love us 😅

17:08 man i was talking to my theatre professor once about writing and i was like (shamefully) "yeah...i have wattpad" and she was like "whats that?" and i to this day i wish i lived her blissfully ignorant life. case in point, teachers dont care about The Fandom™just hand in your schoolwork oh my god

i would like to think that John Locke would've also shipped johnlock tbh, seeing as he's the founder of liberalism

The "bitch, that's the tubby custard machine" post remains one of my favorite Tumblr posts of all time.

I hope Charley didn't suffer through the Benedict pizzabatch post too much

"I wonder if I can say this in one breath." Me, immediately after hearing this: "Please do not pop your lung yet again."

I like to think that there’s an alternate timeline where all these stories are real. I would never under any circumstances want to go there, but it exists in my heart.

Regarding the moonmelon post: There is actually a real fruit that causes sour things to taste sweet and sweet things to be sour. In keeping with the post, its scientific name is _Synsepalum dulcificum_ , but it's more commonly called magic fruit, miracle fruit, miracle berry, or some other variation of this. There's some chemistry explaining how it does the flavor switch thing, but TBH I don't understand it enough to explain. Here's the wikipedia article if you do wanna know more: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synsepalum_dulcificum

every time I see one of these videos I am terrified to see if my infamous post is in there. it really happened but it ends up in those "tumblr fake stories" collections a lot

We’ve all heard of bisexual lighting, but this is lesbian lighting. Kudos

I’ll admit that as a young person on tumblr I believed most of not all of these 😔

Ok but I actually did know someone who turned in johnlock fanfiction for an english class

The fact that there has to be a Johnlock/John Locke disambiguation is hilarious. :)