TWIN TODDLER NIGHT TIME ROUTINE! 

Flynn and Wes wrestling together and Maisy sitting there silently judging them was everything😂

Watching Flynn and Wes wrestle in the bouncy house was just so cute, I don't recall seeing them play like that together in the vlogs! And Maisy giving them side eyes, it was too funny 😂

Colleen, it seems like a great time to get reconnected to your (good) therapist again if you haven't seen her lately. To help offset your risk of things getting worse and to help you navigate the tough mornings and exhausting moments. We love you!

Hearing you talk about feeling paralyzed and unable to get out of bed is so affirming as someone who deals with the same thing on almost a daily basis. It is such a hard feeling and I hope you know how much it means to hear you talk so openly about it and I also hope that you know you are not alone in these feelings. I grew up with a mom who had postpartum, and it was sometimes really hard to watch, but knowing how strong she was to go through it, I know you can too - and your children are so lucky to have a mom like you. You're not alone Colleen, and I hope you do what you need to take care of yourself. Thank you.

The babies laughs make me smile EVERY TIME

Maisy's love for books and the way she reads is so cute ❤

It means so much that you’re so open about your mental health. It helps me more than you know. ❤

I LOVE the little belly laughs where they are totally cracking up at Flynn!! There is nothing better!! 💕

I send you much love and support Colleen!!!

hi colleen!! i'm not a therapist but from my own experience, when i felt depressed for no reason, my mom sent me to get some blood work, and we found out that my vitamin d levels are abnormally low and thats what causes my depressive episodes that have no real triggers. i dont know how it works for everyone but with me, it was due to poor diet and not being outside enough. i hope this helps anyone!!

I am in NO way an expert, but what you described is super similar to how I felt during my burn-out. My partner became chronically ill half a year before and so I became a carer, but at the same time I was still in college, writing my thesis, and also working 20h a week. And I just literally, physically, at one point could not do anything on my to do list. No matter how small. I felt strangled in my own body, still do sometimes.

COLLEEN-As someone who holds a degree in the science of psychology, I want to tell you, I'm proud of you for trying something new! I know it may have only been a few minutes in your back yard, but swinging that bat at the ball is good for your brain health. When we exercise our minds by trying new things, it forces our brains to adapt to new ways of thinking and this is actually good for our mental health too. Also, in those moments of anxiety, in the perfect way you described a glass filling upto the top, squeezing our breath from us, inducing a panic- It's REALLY helpful to try to remember to take VERY SLOW DEEP BREATHS, maybe even close your eyes. When monitoring patients with electrodes, breathing exercises proved to calm electrical storms in the brain! Love watching you and your lovely heart. ❤

Hearing someone else who experiences these spiraling thoughts filled with self-loathing just like me is really reassuring. I am constantly beating myself up over things I have done or not done and perseverate constantly. Thank you for always being so transparent; it is more appreciated than you will ever know! I love you!

A helpful tip my therapist gave me was to not focus so much on the why. There are days where I’m depressed & I want so badly to figure out why because then, I think I can control/avoid it next time. But, in reality, you can’t. Instead of hyperfocusing on the why, my therapist just told me to validate my feelings “I am feeling depressed and that’s okay.” I’ve found that this is helpful because there isn’t always a trigger to trace it to. Like Colleen said, sometimes, it just creeps up on you & there’s no rhyme or reason.

I'm going through this right now.. I had my baby on January 1st and just went back to work. I don't want to leave him. Even leaving him with his father isn't soothing to me. I've had so many breakdowns since going back to work. You have definitely helped me through my pregnancy, the birth, and now my postpartum. I just want to say thank you so very much for all of your honesty and for allowing us to see that you're not just a famous RU-vidr who fakes it for the camera. You are a human who shows us your feelings and you try to relate to us.

Rewatching your vlogs because I miss you Colleen

I was listening to the podcast after watching the vlog about you trying the clothes on you ordered and I was sooo frustrated how you said „I literally never buy clothes online for myself“ when your last vlog was about that lol 😂😂😂

TTQ: will you ever talk about your prev marriage?

April is Mental Health Awareness Month and these types of conversations are really important to have! I’ve suffered from clinical depression my whole life but went untreated until I was 30. And let me tell ya, once I got medicated, my life turned around. I feel like yours is compounded by your ADHD and dermatillomania. You are loved!!

BOOTS NUMBER TWO! The white tall cowboy boots! Stunning!

Def go with the tall white boots

The way you explained your first anxiety attack resonates so much with me I remember trying to explain my anxiety to someone when it was at its highest as a jar of water that just kept filling and filling until it I was drowning in it and just couldn’t handle it. Also love love love boots #2

It could be burnout as well. I sometimes will go through periods were I’m so depressed for no reason and a lot of times it’s solely because I’ve had too much going on and I got too overwhelmed and needed to shut down for a little bit. I hope you feel better soon.

THE TWINS ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST 😭

Colleen, I have watched you for years and have always seen you as a big sister to us. Giving yourself grace and knowing it is okay to not be okay is how we get through hard times. You are doing an amazing job🤍

so excited to watch this!!! love you guys 💖

I love how real you always are. I’ve learned so much from watching your blogs and I really appreciate it and you

This just made my whole morning. Your family is so cute! 💗💗💗

The high white boots with the sparkling dress gives me Taylor Swift vibes in the best way!❤

On the topic of depression. Girl...same. I've been so snappy recently then I get so sad and I feel sick and so exhausted. Then the cycle starts again. So frustrating!

From a nurse: Watch out with bath bombs with kids. They can cause urinary tract infections easily just FYI. I love you gurl!

Sending you lots of love and support, Depression sucks I know I have it as well as anxiety, and what few people realize is that it's not something that goes away. Whenever I have a good few months and I think I’ve gotten over the worst of my depression, it silently returns. This isn’t a battle I asked to fight. I’m tired of knowing it’s always coming back. That is what few people realize about depression. So I fully understand your frustration about it and sending you lots of love.

Thank you for being so open you help me so much and make me feel better because i know I’m not alone and other people feel this way❤

i love watching your vloggs so much. you’re so real and a beautiful soul. i’m sorry you’re feeling depressed/ going through depression. it was extremely hard, especially mixing adhd with it. you are strong and will get through it!! don’t beat yourself up for not being able to get out of bed. just take it one day at a time. 💜💗

I was feeling like this a couple days ago and couldn’t stop crying. I work from home and was crying while working.

I had a really bad, really overwhelming day today, but watching this vlog helped me unwind and feel normal again- thank you so much for posting

Cory's editing of Maisy feeling some kind of way about her brothers wrestling had me in STITCHES!

Thank you for being so open and honest Colleen! Your videos help me get through stormy and dark days❤

My Doc Martens were super uncomfy when I first got them too, but after I wore them for a while and broke them in they got a lot more comfortable and have lasted me for years and years! So maybe if you wear those super cute boots a bit more they might get more comfy :)

The beginning where you described depression was so relatable. Thank you for sharing. I don’t know if my depression will ever go away. I feel this way every day.

I never comment but i’ve been watching you for yearsss. I just want to let you know I really appreciate you speaking on your experience with depression. I’ve had an experience i’d never had before recently where I felt all kinds of emotions that i’ve never felt and I didn’t have a reason for feeling them. (Im getting help now, yay) It freaked me out, but knowing that other people have those feelings as well makes me feel hopeful. Watching your vlogs warms my heart and reminds me sadness and anxiety are temporary feelings. So thank you queen, love you🥰

these kids are so free to express themselves, they are so smart i love watching them grow

Thank you so much for sharing! I am constantly watching your videos and feeling so understood. I am going through the same feeling right now so I totally get it. Hope you are feeling better soon much love ❤

Thank you so much for sharing your mental health struggles. It makes me feel less alone. I love you!!

9:37 Mazie's having a blast meanwhile her brothers are...well... being brothers 😂😂😂🥰

your vlogs are literally a part of my night routine. comfort person always

The same thing happened to me the other day. Couldn’t not get out of bed. You got this Colleen!

White boots definitely!. I think the taller ones were having a MOMENT! definitely a good vibe. You can't go wrong with either white boot!

I am so excited to see your show tomoreow

The way Wesley says boo every time while playing peekaboo is absolutely precious 🥰

YOUR SHIRT IS AMAZING!!!

I’m staring at a bottle of antidepressants and readying myself to take the first step of starting them to make me feel better like I know they will. Mental health is so hard. Thanks for being so open about your struggles, it’s a huge comfort to have you alongside me in my own journey!

Hi Colleen, I just wanted to let you know how inspiring your videos can be. Your always doing something fun with or for your kids even when your having a hard day. Watching your videos always makes me excited to be a mom one day. 💕

I AM SO SPORTSSSS😂 the most Colleen thing I’ve ever heard

I'm also dealing with out-of-nowhere depression and a bunch of other weird physical/mental symptoms right now. It's so confusing and frustrating and it freaks me out. And sometimes I end up spiraling into an even worse state by thinking "why is this happening? is something wrong with me? does this mean it's going to happen all the time now?" But it's affirming and honestly a bit calming to hear you talk about your experience. Thank you so much for sharing and sorry you're dealing with this. I hope we can both find the courage to lean on people for support, and that we'll find some relief soon.

It’s interesting how you describe the feeling of being in a cup of water filling up to explain your anxiety. I use a similiar thing - it’s like I’m treading water in the ocean and the waves just get worse and worse. Currently in the middle of a depressive episode too right now, so sending my love.

Thanks for your honesty in your depression. I understand this so much.

Colleen good sleep is crucial. Find a way to make it a priority please. Discuss it with your doctor as you may need meds. At least some nights if you have help with the babies.

Just, now that you have all those sad feelings, try to keep care of yourself. Many times we forget ourselves in this pregnancy and motherhood journey. As better you are as better your kids will be. Don't worry Colleen. Lots of love from Spain ❤

The twins are SO in love with Flynn! 😍

Depression is a beast but you are so strong and have been through so much! You got this ❤ love you

I have the same doc martins, wear them a lot Colleen. They get sooo comfortable when you wear them a lot. Trust me.

Love the kitty vest! 😻 & love you!

Anxiety is so incredibly draining and confusing, i also myself struggle with anxiety, Ive been through the stuff that you explained such as feeling anxious when I’m alone or not feeling well, trust me it’s not something you’ll feel forever. I suggest finding a therapist you like and just doing the things you enjoy! Anxiety is a very scary confusing thing and it’s hard to get through but I promise you it’s possible🫶 love you Colleen!!

Heyy Colleen! Sending love from Lithuania!! 😊

Thoes 2nd boot’s perfect 👍🏻

when Maisy cuddles something she says aw?? that's THE CUTEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD

Maisy reading you the phrases she knows is SO stinkin' cute 🥺

0:23 I’ve felt the same way for the past couple months. You’re not alone, thank you for what you do : )

Omg I’ve been waiting for something like thissss

colleen your hair looks so good

I really appreciate your mental health realness - a lot of us are dealing with anxiety and depression day to day and different things work for different people - especially while raising kids! One of my main issues while raising young kiddos was starting myself down a shame depression spiral that would paralyze me - My counselor suggested me read the book "The Upward Spiral" and it was a great book that both helped me understand brain chemicals and the link to depression anxiety and to catch myself when going into a shame spiral. Other things that helped get me out of the funk was mindfulness practices, accomplishing small tasks, and moments of gratitude. Best of luck on your continuing journey through the dark and finding your light :)

Waking up drawing in stuff you haven't done and need to do but know you probably won't be able to, is exactly why I've been drawning in anxiety and depression ever since becoming a mom. And I don't work or anything outside of caring for my son. You are not alone.

I feel like people forget that men can also experience post-partum depression. Men's hormones also change. 1 in 3 NICU parents get it, it's a rough time. I'm not sure if I've had it but I definitely have unresolved issues from my 2 kids being in the NICU. Survival mode definitely kicks in

I'm so sorry you're dealing with your depression being bad at the moment - right there with you. Grateful for you though because this video reminded me I needed to reorder my meds! 😅

I agree im trying to get my school to have a green ribbon week so we all learn what mental heath really is and its more than depression and that there is more like anxiety and how to help your friends or others who have mental health issues. And you will get through this hard time like you always do :)

Exactly! I totally relate to You.

I hope this isn’t taken the wrong way, but have you ever been evaluated for bipolar II disorder or cyclothymic disorder?

I struggle with that feeling of paralysis pretty much every day, and I have since I can remember. It wasn't until university when I finally started to go to therapy that it became apparent that that feeling of paralysis was due to trauma I had experienced, but never fully processed. For me personally, I started practising somatic experiencing and nervous system regulation with my therapist to help foster feelings of calm and safety in my body. That did wonders for me. I still struggle to get out of bed most days now, but I am able to manage it so much better because I have the tools to do so. It doesn't control my life or my mind anymore, it's more like a side character in my life :) maybe nervous system regulation could be worth looking into for you!

Just an idea, maybe reading the sad journal entries from when you were young is affecting you. I know sometimes remembering things like that can bring me down. Little you wouldn't want you to still be sad ❤️

Your kids are the sweetest little things oh my gosh

I haven't watched in so long due to having my own baby and going back to work full time. Those babies are SO big now.. I can't believe it. ❤️❤️

Omg that elephant 😭😭😭😭 I remember Flynn loving it, time flies by so quickly

never stop being you colleen!! i LOVE your videos and how you are always so open and real! love you you’re doing great!!

That depression is so present at the time I. Life when we should be happy is tough. It feels so unfair that we first go through this massive physical burden that pregnancy is and then because it's not enough there are depressions, physical health problems and all this pressure and guilt that others and we ourselves put on us. I am so glad you have your family and friends to support you this much.

The kids 'take' a bath? Why not, 'the nanny gives my kids a bath'? There's nothing wrong with having a nanny, so stop beating around the bush.

My favorite bath bombs are from Basin! They are amazing! I got my first set from downtown disney in orlando!

My son is now 15 but he was given a bouncy house for his 1st birthday by his grandparents. Let me tell you that was one of the best gifts EVER! We used that thing all the time. Within the past year it finally bit the dust. Between my son, his cousins and my my niece it paid for itself a million times over ❤

9:41 is SUCH an only sister vibe with them wrestling in the background lmao PS Has someone talked to you about emotion dysregulation as a part of ADHD? It's an intense symptom that providers frequently somehow forget about! As a fellow ADHD/OCD person and someone who works in the field - mention bouts of depression to your counselor/therapist/whoevs, how these feelings develop, most importantly including the weeks you felt something coming on and how you processed that. They can help determine if you have depression separately (diagnoses wise!) from your ADHD, or if it is secondary to your ADHD (basically meaning a symptom). Treatments for each can be different!

Colleen, you are so brave for talking about this, unfortunately we live in this world that make we believe that we aren't enough in anything. We are not good enough, we are not smart enough, we are not efficient enough, we are not productive enough, but guess what you are a badass mama who deserve self love and is doing the best she can! Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mother and you are doing great, hope you can feel better soon! Xx 💕

Tall white boots with the purple dress! gorgeous!!

Good Evening Colleen! Wes and Maisy are cool! I love how the twins and Flynn laugh together. Love your vlogs so much!! Love chocolate, hugs.

OMGGG IM EARLY AND COLLEEN I WATCH YOU EVERYNIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED YOUR AN AMAZING MOTHER WITH BEAUTIFUL KIDS

Totally the purple boots! They actually go with your dress! The dress has a purple sheen to it, so they totally go!!! 💜

Hey Colleen, I just want you to know that I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and its all because of you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I'm feeling much better now.

I have been so sad lately…I relate so much to the paralyzed feeling. Everything just seems too much

The 2nd boot!

I remember when I was going to college a few times a week and working at my apartment building as a cleaner. Sometimes I was doing homework, going to college and working and then I would feel like all my time was gone. I was also not meeting any people/ making friends at school. It was stressful and I'm sure there were other things going on too. One day I couldn't get out bed to go to work and spent two days in bed. It wasn't like I was tired and needed to sleep. I physically and mentally could not get out of bed and when I did I had to go back to bed. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. You are an amazing person, I'll be thinking of you. Thank you for sharing your story and talking about mental health (which still has a stigma about it and is not talked about enough). Mary (education assistant, BC)

Guuuuuurrrllll same. I feel exactly the same. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ♥️

Thank you for making me smile today 😊 and I’ve been there! Depression is a real pain. Also TTQ: what is kory and Erik’s relationship like? Are they friends?