Here are the lines: “What do you know? Your mom is with someone. She’s happy! My mom barely goes out. She says that she would rather stay home and clean the apartment. I can’t even have friends over cause they’ll ‘interfere’ with her depression. She doesn’t wash her hair, sometimes she goes a whole week. I tell her that maybe if we had people over she’d start to feel better, but she doesn’t listen. She sits there watching Jeopardy all day, and bad mouths my dad with the same speech I’ve heard since he left. On and on and on. And then when he does come to pick me up she puts on lipstick! She hasn’t washed her hair in a week and she has on the same outfit she’s worn for three days but she puts on lipstick. I swear, one night, I’m just gonna go out and I’m not gonna come back home. I just don’t wanna have to call her.” *pause 7 ish seconds* “You don’t realize how lucky you are. You do whatever you want. You can come home tomorrow and it’s fine. I come home tomorrow, and I’m on the back of a milk carton.” “I wasn’t looking! That’s the point I’ve been trying to make. When I was looking- When i was looking, I just couldn’t find anyone and I got so depressed cause it was like, I was looking for someone to validate me, or to want me and by them wanting me that would somehow validate me. But then I just stopped thinking about other people and it got to this place where it was all about me. Totally selfish- a totally selfish place. It was like, ‘I’m just gonna do me for a while!’ You know how black girls are like, ‘Imma do me?’ Have you heard that? And then this one morning, I woke up and I’m like, ‘I am amazing! I am gorgeous! I am a genius!’ And I just basically fell in love with myself. I treated myself the way I would want a man to treat me. Better actually, than any man had ever treated me. And frankly, ever could. I bought myself presents, like all the time! Anything I saw that was remotely even like, ‘Ooh! Maybe!’ I bought it. And I would complement myself, constantly. Part of me didn’t want to tell you this cause I was like, embarrassed, but I became obsessed with myself. But honestly, it was like, the best two months of my life. And then this one night, I was looking in the mirror like, ‘Hey foxy lady! What do you want?’ And I was like, ‘I want… an amazing dinner.’ So I took myself to Jean Georges, like I just took myself there cause, well, no one else was gonna take me, so fuck it! I have the money- sort of- and I wanna go! So I went and that’s when everything happened.”
