This is a very good reminder. His true self and false self were actually changeable on most days but the false self definitely fronted the other. It was a complete magic carpet ride. No proper stability. I understand now that I didn’t know what I was dealing with at the time. It’s mind blowing.
This is about the grandiose ones. I can spot them from a mile away. The most horrible ones, and I was destroyed by one, is the covert introverted sensitive one. It took me 20 years, lots of lies and emotional pain and confusion, and the most destroying discard and a lot of your videos to understand that. 4 years and still in healing. And I still have cognitive dissonance.
Yeah… Mother’s Day is coming up and that’s the mother I have. Neglectful, always chooses to be passive if she’s uncomfortable (which is all the time). She was incapable of comforting either my sister or me, even when we were babies. We got punished for looking sad. No more Mother’s Days for her. Not from me.
Wow, Richard. I spent my whole life wondering why people do what they do. It's just part of my nature. I noticed that a narcissist makes so little sense that you feel like a dog that needs to cock their head to the side. I never believed him when he tried to pretend he was smarter than me. It just wasn't true. But, he spoke a whole different language that I didn't know. A person being grandiose is like a garbage can filled with rotting food trying to act like it's Superior to the plastic bag next to it filled with rotten food. You know, personality traits like kindness, truthfulness, unselfishness and true authenticity are the salt of the earth. They are the ones that could be grandiose because, they're special. Which is exactly why they would never think to be grandiose. Thank you, Richard. I learn a lot in these little shorts. So many professionals in narcissism like to throw around words like, they're just evil. But, it's not like that. Be true to yourself and pray that you find someone else that fits you because, their integrity matches yours. 💙
Hi Richard, do you have any videos on the *new variant* of narcissists that are able to mask in better ways and become more covert about how they operate? I knew a guy who seemed very intentional about NOT lovebombing and building trust/a friendship first. Eventually the mask slipped, and he really wanted to know exactly WHEN I first got that gut feeling about him and HOW I knew (I didn't tell him btw but i think he was trying to deduce what has happened).
This IS Not a new Variant. Stealthier narcissists have Always been around. My husband IS Like that. Cerebral narcissists usually love-bomb very discreetly, being Just that nice and helpful Guy, posing AS your friend, when in fact they are your biggest enemy.
I get the false reality he lives in. I get it. As he has a secret life at night, where he is someone else than what he shows in public during the day (in public, a serious professor,at night a man hanging out with rock stars and people of the night, out partying). It was scary when the.dark mask started revealing to me. I am still confused and scared at what I discovered. But I still don't get his intentionsl abuse to me these 9 months...
Take the supply... save your life. So dont have the question in the first place... the question keeps you in the delusional image. What if youre in immediate danger & you cant convince any one....
So she is a narcissist (doesn't just have narcissistic traits) because I understand, but even if she "admits" something. Will act out and will project these emotions that come out after I cut off the supply. Or is it bpd? That's the question I've been wondering. But I know that I'm doing what I need to because I see it and sense it and call it out without emotion. It's like they're on deaths bed. Sucks but I'm progressing in every other aspect of my life
Narcissist's parents split them so now they live inside a super ego injunction of all good and all bad.This is a dissociative identity disorder and a false self that the narcissist enters into causing them to break with reality. When we( the victim )enter into this fantasy space with them we also split in order to relate to these two opposing versions that the Narcissist turns up as. This causes Cognitive dissonance within the victim which is the somatic anxiety that occurs within the body of the victim as we wrestle to try and understand these two conflicting ideas that the Narcissist has brainwashed and forced us into. It is in this way that you will understand the delusion both from the side of the Narcissist and of the victim. It can truly drive you mad if left untreated and i have now been working through this for years. This is a very stripped down version but its the long and short of it. Richard explains it in more depth in his seminar.
My mom (81) wants to learn what is wrong with her because she has terrible, verbally abusive outbursts at her assisted living apartment. She has a bit of dementia and a whole lot of choosing to forget. She has always been abusive, both verbally and physically. I suggested if she does see a therapist of some kind she have them look into bipolar disorder and histrionic disorder. Pray for me because she is stewing on this right now and at some point she will blow up at me with all kinds of accusations.
Either you’re just like her or you’re her slave. More than likely both. Why else would you interact with “awful mummy”?? Then you come into the comment section like a leach playing victim. You’re not a victim, you’re a willing participant. Just enjoy her 81 years old abuse in peace and leave the rest of us out of it. You too are the same.
Good luck my dad's in a nursing home what part is anger which part is the dementia?! My dad's on anti-psychotics, they help him be calmer the carers only know him as he is now now. he doesn't know who he is at all now. 🤗🕊
This summarizes perfectly the horrific nightmare ‘relationship’ between my mother and Peter Pan brother. My dad didn’t survive the ‘gang’, and now I am seeing the whole picture. Oedipus complex. My brpther had to remove my dad to take his place and marry mommy. My mother loved my dad’s narcisdistic supply, and my dad entered the devaluation phase as soon as he retired. I couldn’t see it fpr the longest time that thst was indeed what happened. It’s a horrendously painful and tragic reality that only now after my beloved dad passed, I can clearly see.
Thank you Richard for your passion and efforts to teach the public about this ever increasing public threat of narcissism. Had it not been for your content along with several others, I would still be in a state of Major confusion. That’s a Narcs best tool, confusion. Almost daily her words contradicted her previous version of whatever Narrative she was laying down. It was quite unnerving to say the least. Be careful Out There. Make everyone you meet online quantify their statements and hold them Accountable for the things they have done To You as they will Always hold You accountable even for stuff You Haven’t done! They are very good at what they do (manipulate) they have been doing it since a very young age and it is Extremely difficult to realize what is Actually happening. I am a good judge of character for the most part but, these individuals have a knack for coming in under the radar, please Trust me on This!
Most times is so outlandish .. like they’re in Chucky Mode , if you tell a friend .. repeating it is embarrassing that they think your exaggerating 😵💫
I know when I questioned the fuel and the whys and wherefores thats when it got very nasty how dare i question him, he wanted full control. Worst bit for me is why after my dad being this way would i have a relationship with soneone with these traits i must be to blame to do this 🙈
No, not to blame, just another survivor of emotionally confusing and austere conditions that you in all likelihood aren't fully aware of and haven't come to terms with, patterns of perception and behavior far too many of us were conditioned to before we had a choice or even a sense of ourselves, much like our present day tormenters were. We become attracted because we see a promise of something we didn't have, a glimmer of our own reflection in their eyes, and a subconscious recognition of patterns we became accustomed to and associate with how we learned to "love" and "be loved". "The Narcissist" isn't a supernatural all-powerful being, just another damaged human being re-enacting his/her worst fears behind a fantasy they use to hide their scars (even from themselves) and defend against the threat of vulnerability to the same betrayals and being found to be inadequate to prevent them. Somewhere behind the delusion, they're terrified of you, of themselves, of everything. Their performance gains them validation for the character they portray, feedback to help them craft a better delusion, and mortifying anxiety over being found wanting. It isn't your fault, you're just a member of the audience, a stage hand, or a prop- if you aren't an adoring fan, you're a bitter critic, and a threat to their reputation and livelihood (literally). Don't beat yourself up for failure or for falling for it, it was never about you, not before and not now. It isn't even about them- they aren't there, and never were, they dissappeared in childhood. Help yourself- study cptsd, object relations theory, attachment theory, and polyvagal theory to try to understand what happened to you and what's still happening to you. Find help to recover from your own trauma and defensive adaptations. If you can, encourage them to get help for themselves (yes, they CAN sometimes benefit from QUALIFIED therapy), but you can't fix them, and life's too short. Hope that helps.
@don-eb3fj thank you so much for this reply I've been through a lot of traumas other than my narcissistic relationships I'm a dialysis patient which my dad used against me I understand I unwillingly took his wife my mum away from him when I was too young to be in hospital without a parent and sadly my Beautiful little boy Joe had DMD Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy which is a very agressive genetic disease that effects just boys... I was blessed to have him in my life 8 Beautiful years but he wasn't the grandson my dad wanted and didn't accept him. Lifes often very difficult learning to take one day at a times the biggest challenge when you are an over thinker but thanks again for this insight 🕊
@@clairexxx0405 bless you Claire, one over-thinker to another, you have my empathy for your struggles and your loss. I haven't had to face the physical challenges you have, but the parental resentment of your father and his rejection of your son resonate and rhyme with elements of my own experience enough that I can see and understand the sorrow they must have added to your already difficult life. I don't know any beautiful words to comfort you for the loss of your son or to soothe the distress and pain his condition must have caused you both. I haven't had the privilege of a child of my own, but somehow have something of an inner sense of the pleasure and love that might have been, and a vision of a little girl with eyes like mine sitting on my knee and smiling up at her own reflection in my own eyes, brimming with joy. I hope you can continue to count each moment of your time with your little boy as a gift and a blessing that you can hold warmly against you in your memory and reexperience that joy in spite of the loss for all of your days. I am not a religious man and ascribe to no particular spiritual faith, but I can sometimes understand that each life is a gift from the Divine with an unknown expiration date, each with its own tragedy and pain inextricably interwoven. Perhaps the greatest part of the gift is to learn to feel pain in compassion for the suffering of another so we can know our own, and love, and create Beauty from Darkness itself. You seem to be making the most of your gifts, thank you for sharing with me here as an example so I can learn also. Sending a schizoid Heretic's most hopeful and solemn prayers for comfort, a beautiful life, and peace for you. 🙏💙🕊
I was married for 15yrs to a Grandiose Narcissist woman whom was a successful business owner / CEO but was driven by ALL of the 9 character traits of the personality . She used up supply from me and when the time was right discarded me as I was no longer required . Her 10 yr plan with all of it was revealed to me afterwards by her neice and other friends and family . She has no morals or principles and basically prioritised Adoration and Material gains over people ! Nasty piece of work once you see through all of the lies and deception . 😐
It is flabbergasting to me how big a problem hence THE biggest problem in the world this is, yet with relative little knowledge about it among the majority of the npc's or normies reality that keep it alive. Sorry for bad Englisch
Does the supply relate to the non-integrated self ? IFS systems ? Super ego injunctions or moral injunctions . I need help understanding the connection.
Yes narcissist and delusional and think your spying on them and do drugs and just want to cause Chaos and hurt you with words . And sometimes getting physical and emotionally hurt you.😢
"Start with the false self"........that's it, that's the answer to it all. I've spent 8 months, since I split with a narcissist, coming to terms with what's happened and why he needed this crap to happen. In the love bombing stage he always kept creating fantastical romantic stories of how we'd met, how he'd seduced me, made us act this out..... It seemed weird but quite romantic. It was always the fantasy and the story, never about me or the real him Thank you ❤
This is a most helpful way of understanding the false self and its supply. The "half in half out" wording is so clarifying to me. That is part of the confusion. I feel like I see the person's true self at times or in some ways. The appearance of the false self may not always be evident. But, the false self is still like a "default setting". The dynamic keeps coming back to that, and with it, the need to obtain supply.
My opinion? If you are concerned about being a narcissist- probably because a narcissist accused you of their own behavior- you are almost certainly NOT a narcissist. A true narcissist wouldn't have enough empathy to worry about it.
You could just have ADHD. Although that's actually a serious condition that can wreck your life too. Maybe get tested? Don't take medication though. It's a trap
I know a Narcissist who calles his lawyer every month to feed his supply. He incoroprates companies that he never uses. Feeds his delusions of grandure.
Been learning from you for years . I am very very grateful to you. Your sharing your personal knowledge has empowered me and helped me to SEE , it was never me the “Loser” It was “them” the set up. For decades.
Richard ,thank you.Don't know if you read this but I have a question wich is still not answered :" Is there a difference between fawning and lovebombing?" Because I as a codependent did this nearly in every relationship with narcissists (with normal people much less)....I observed that I give them narcisstic supply to feed their grandiose self. It comes from a place of fear and out of fawning to NOT threaten them. I am aware that it comes from childhood as a survival response but not that I want to manipulate even if it is some kind of manipulation. I feel ashamed of this and it seems that I cannot have a normal conversation with them, they interrupt constantly and they seem to only want the supply and nothing else. I finally decided to cut all of them out of my life even when I remain completely alone . BUT when they lovebomb us, is this the same or not? Is this fawning or intentional hooking us to suck our energy?
