Don't worry, I watched this video all the way through. And I can relate to a lot about this topic with my passion for painting. From my experience at least, when you've done something for so long, you somehow put a higher expectation on yourself and don't allow yourself to fuck things up. I stayed away from painting and only enjoyed it from afar. When I picked up filmmaking not too long ago, I learnt similar lessons as yours, but this time, I allow myself to fail with this new passion. Allow myself to be that dumb kid that screws everything up, with the intention of learning from said mistakes. It can feel liberating. Anyway, these rough times comes and goes, so just remember that there's always people supporting you. Here's to a good 2018, and beyond.
Hang in there, dude! It'll always get better once you've figured out (and reminding yourself) how to be less critical about your work. Give it time... Distract yourself with other work. I'm having similar problems too and with the current economy, it's been really hard to keep the emotional aspect in check when there are people waiting for their paycheck and mouths waiting for food to go on the table. Sure, in this day and age, there's more people out there judging us about our work; but let's focus on the friends that are not.
Guess I ought to thank you, Khairil, for making me feel a wee bit better about my own utter failure to realize my youthful dreams of... well, doing just about everything that YOU are doing, or at least have done so far. It's an intriguing conundrum, really. If you don't have intelligence & passion, you end up churning out utter crap; but in YOUR case, the problem is you're just too fucking intelligent... & too much intelligence often recoils on itself, turning your thought patterns into "muruku masuk angin"... self-sabotage, yup, your diagnosis is 100% correct! Dammit, young man, your work totally impressed me but I haven't seen 'Chuak' (is that how you spell it?) or 'Showdown'... the last thing I caught of your work on RU-vid was 'Relationship Status' & I really enjoyed that. Even this... this disarmingly candid vlog... it impresses the hell out of me... I'm almost envious of your phenomenal talent, dude (although relieved that I've never believed in psychiatry or psychiatric prescriptions, not ever - & believe me I've been there & back many times - no, not to Doom&gloomsville, I rarely go there & whenever I do find myself there, I rarely stay more than a few hours, at most a few days. You could say I'm an incorrigible ecstasist, that's the place I consider my ideal default setting. In short, Khairil, you have no idea what a blessing & gift you are - not just to this benighted & intellectually crippled, this spiritually retarded neo-feudal kakistocracy we call home, but to the entire planet. This is really just another beginning... zoom out & see the Big Picture... not on the small screen but in glorious omnidimensional spherovision... push that catamaran of gleeful creativity out beyond the shallows & catch the solar wind in your sails! May our eccentric orbits intersect one of these days. Accept hugs? xoxoxox
You made the right decision to share this. Hey, we all go through failure, we just good at masking it with our social public persona. Love the failure, seek for it.
i would like to say that you are a brave and wonderful man and blessed with such a high level of intellect.. your version of human life is so realistic.. i have learned a lot from this video.. you must listen to your own words like a third person.. i am sure you will learn from your own self..
