Thank you, for the video, great insights! My experience is, it is not about an overall feeling of "being settled for", rather certain aspects of the relationship that were better with previous partners, e.g. some partners may have been better looking, more adventurous, experienced and exciting, etc. Swapping past relationship stories creates this sense of being compared to a number of previous partners on a number of metrics and makes us wonder if we are "good enough", or if our partner is just settling for the best they can in the given moment vs. feeling truly attracted based on having had so many different satisfying experiences.
Thank you for your comment. I understand, wanting to be the best at everything is unrealistic and painful (for the person that thinks this way). This video is an older one but I explain the concept at length, hope it helps:) studio.ru-vid.comN30ioKAVPlI/analytics/tab-overview/period-default
I totally relate. It’s not that I compare myself to guys in her past, it’s the fear that she might be comparing me to them. That she had all of these different partners but I’m the stable secure one she settled down with.
Ive listened to a few books on marriage and relationships since having RJ. And your words are so spot on with subconscious mind and how you where raised translates to hiw you react to certain instances woth your partner
I have struggled with this dysfunctional aspect of a promising relationship. No matter how I can rationally see how irrational my emotions of jealousy are, I can't ever seem to bring myself past it. I love how you have brought attention to this, and offer tools to those who feel at a loss to our own feelings and fears. Sometimes our own self-preservation works against us. Multiple triggers can bring about this issue. I have no history of infidelity in previous relationships, but I've had a lot of loss. Losing the people I love has created it. A huge realization came from watching these videos. Hopefully enough of one that I can work through everything before more damage is done with someone I care about. Thank you for putting these videos out!!! Jtgere awesome!Just what I needed when I needed it.
Sometimes this feeling gives me really dark and harmful thoughts toward myself. I don’t want what bothers me to bother anyone else or to make them feel judged/shamed. I don’t believe they’re wrong. Makes me want to sleep for long periods of time. I’m trying so hard to get better
Some partners do NOT tell the truth. They will significantly omit information about their past and feed you a different story, just to spare your feelings or manage the "outcome" of the information that they are willing to share. So to fully believe a partner that comes from a history of toxic short term relationships and several "situationships", that they omitted from telling you about, I don't think its unreasonable to have insecurities about "being settled for". Especially when there is some sexual dysfunction on her part, which I believe is directly tied to her past episodes in sexuality... so its not that simple or unwarranted.
Not it’s not simple. Which is why I have made other videos addressing this: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-0CfarzWrulE.htmlsi=lBg-vS-38fKtZvxo ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-XuhdIL2bXT0.htmlsi=b2TEjc4XrOiC6VGH
I think you miss the mark on this one. Sure, you might have great qualities that your partner sought out, but if you are being settled for that means your partner believes they have passed their prime and their ability to get someone they’d view as higher quality. If things were different for them, you wouldn’t place first. Maybe you’d be second or maybe you’d be out of the running entirely. Also, it’s not necessarily a matter of thinking you know better than your partner (although, I know this is common with RJ). I can’t think of anyone who would ever admit to their partner that they settled for them. That would be a problem waiting to happen, so you can’t even approach that question trusting that they won’t lie to protect you. There is no winning with this question. Finally, the negative connotation of being settled for exists because why would you ever want to be number 2 or less to your partner? If they could do better they would have, but now that they can’t, you’re just the consolation prize. Not a good feeling. You did raise a good question at the end, though. I’ve never known why I wanted to be with my partner. I would either fall in love with someone I dated or I wouldn’t and move on - there has never been comparisons made or thoughts of settling because my attention is only ever directed to one person. There’s no “grass is always greener” for me- it would be nice to meet someone who viewed things the same way, but that is an unrealistic standard. People are too carried away with keeping an eye out for how they can “trade up”, and if they can’t or they get tired of the work involved, congrats. You are their final destination only because they threw in the towel early.
Thanks for your comment! Like you said "someone THEY think is higher quality". Which firstly, depends on what each person views as "higher quality" and still, wondering if you would have come first, second or third on their list, is letting someone else determine your worth and whether or not you are good enough or high quality. So ultimately, is it them or you that views yourself as higher or lower quality? And what does that even mean ? It likely depends on the individual. I do believe you should not stay with someone that makes you feel "settled for" whether they choose to tell you or not, actions speak much louder than words. So, it is ultimately in the way they treat you today, where the answer regarding how they truly feel about you can be found. I am not sure what you mean by better or worse, because everyone is different and likes different qualities/is compatible with different kinds of people. But for sure, questioning most of the time can ruin everything. You can have something amazing but once you start picking at it, asking "what if" questions, it will be ruined. Here is an older video about comparisons and feeling good enough, hope it helps:) :ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-N30ioKAVPlI.htmlsi=JUqNRSllO2zGSEZP
Yes, it can be very horrible. Pleas seek help in your area from a doctor if you feel you can't deal with this alone. You are also welcome to book a discovery call if you wish.
What if you cant accept that youre partner had experiences even if she keeps telling that all of them were not truely pleasure at all, some were she forced herself and some mentally being forced ? Why my brain does not accept it after a year ?
Hello, my girlfriend had one boyfriend before me for a year and only got to the second base. I didn't minded it at all. RJ started when she told me she kissed a guy in highschool and danced with one guy at the club. Is this RJ or what. I mean its a silly thing not sex related and am feeling this way. I don't know why...
Hi, yes it can be RJ It sounds like it has triggered something within you that has to do with what bothers you. It does not matter that it is not sex related.
There is only one life and so it's fair to desire a girl with no past physical relationship. I will never accept this kind of girl, who is practically being used by some other guy and is now a trash left behind.
Retroactive jealousy is not a choice or preference. No one is forcing you to choose anyone you don’t want to. Retroactive jealousy is when you WANT to be with someone but their past bothers you.
