I no this is old I'm the granddaughter of Bernice Marie Stackhouse and granddaughter of Lee Hamilton Stackhouse and cousin of Xavier sales I think of this day everyday I don't think it's something you just get over or you find closer you just learn how to go on each day and be okay but I'm not okay I was nine years old when it happened I think my sister was 10 or 11 my younger sister if I was 9 she might have been eight or seven I'll never forget that night when my mom said to herself okay let's go in and deal with this I remember her saying to my dad get the girls ready to go out to Mom and Dad's we lived in Tucson Arizona my grandparents lived on Tanque Verde Loop Road I knew something in my gut was wrong I had eavesdropped on my mom when she was in the kitchen on the phone with the flight attendant or whoever booked the flights at that time it was a family friend of ours and I remember going out to my grandparents and it was all over the news I remember my dad trying to be nice to my mom by saying let's just go to the airport and let's just see if they get off that flight my dad knew but he thought it would help my mom feel a little bit better I mean I don't know he was trying and then I remember the next day when my mom said is down and told us what had happened I lost everything our family has never been the same again I want to know why why were they allowed to fly why I have so many unanswered questions my mom can't answer or just won't because it's too difficult I think I my grandparents everyday I'm 36 years old now and I don't know what it's like to have a grandparent my I don't know what it's like for me at 36 to have a grandmother or grandfather I lost mine at nine years old the only thing I have is special to my heart is Hamilton Lee Stackhouse my grandfather was born August 26th I was born August 26th his middle name is Lee my middle name is Lee that's the most special thing in the world I could share with him and everyday is a struggle for me I hide it I cry in private I definitely do not let my mom know I'm having a hard time years after years with this because she struggles with it terribly but I know what it's like to go through a tragedy and people think you should be over it by now you should have closure I don't think I ever will no counselor or therapist in the world can make this better for me I have my moments where I'm okay and then I have my moments where I'm screaming grandma grandpa come home why Xavier why did you have to go even only 14 if my grandparents had understood that the weather was bad my grandfather scientist the smartest person I've ever met he would have said we're not flying for just not doing it but I don't think he knew neither did my grandma that day has changed my family lives forever
