We Open Up About How We’re Affected by Our Parental Trauma  

Adrienne is SPOT ON about how relationships with men were sexualised. Because I was taught to be cautious and protect myself against boys/men growing up, I still look at men and assume they’re either sexually interested in me, could hurt me in the future or that I shouldn’t be alone with them just in case. Adrienne saying this has made it click into place for me.

I don't know what new team they hired, but this season has been great so far! Hair, makeup, styling, topics, and interviews have all been top notch. The two host interview format is the best. It feels like you're talking with friends as oppose to watching a talk show. Whoever is on the Real staff this season please keep!

I think Adrianne touched a very important topic. Sometimes parents reflect their own traumas on their children. I understand their sense of protection. However, not because something happened to you it means it will happen the same way to your child. What I'm trying to say is to be careful about projecting your trauma and insecurities in your child. Raise them up safe and conscious but not traumatized by your own trauma. Sometimes we can do wrong, even when we have good intentions.

Damn Adrienne was so honest and open in this segment

Am I the only one who noticed that the comment section is way more positive and respectful?? I feel like all the haters left when the show stopped being in studio. Many people wanted the show to end because it was on videoconference for too long. So it’s like they all left and now it’s only the real ones, the real fans, and I like that! 😌

Adrienne's suit is so clean!!! Like goddamn, her stylists are winning this whole season

I appreciate how relatable Adrienne is, raised the same way and been kept safe by a protective mother

I admire Adrienne’s transparency.

I love when Loni opens up because she’s so wise and can teach so many young woman a lot of lessons

I think Adrienne's mom did a great job. It's rare to stay safe in that way throughout your childhood.

This was such a good convo. This show has not lost its steam.

My parents being married of over 40 years not knowing how to communicate not only with us but with each other. They never learned how to sit down and talk things out without arguing. Or allowing us to have an opinion without it being seen as disrespectful. I didn't realize I had the same issue of not communicating properly until several years of being married and made a decision with God's help of not "exploding" during an exchange with my husband. And he had to learn not to "run" like leave the house instead of actually sitting down to resolve the issues. Also, my kids can definitely express themselves. But I make sure they also understand there is a difference between having an opinion and being disrespectful with your opinion.

As a sexual abuse survivor myself, I really understand and admire Mama Nilda. It does suck that Adrienne missed out on the bonding moments with Papi Lindo, but I'm so happy for her that she's making it up now. I also agree my kids will not be sleeping at their friends house but instead MY house where I can have my eyes on them when needed. A lot of my moms traumas fell onto my lap as well as my own trauma and it scares me to think of the mother I can possibly be but like Loni said that's where therapy is much needed. Thank you ladies for being so real on this episode.

The topics this season are top tier. Producers, y'all are doing amazing!

Anyone who watches Hello Hunay and saw Jeannie and her mom's recent huge argument knows about the parental trauma in her family. Mama Mai is a big time narcissist and a lot of that is because of how she was raised. I can relate to that 100% with my mom.

As someone who was sexually assaulted my someone who should have been a "safe man" I can say that there are no guarantees either way. If something is going to happen it will happen. A monster is a monster and they tend to hide themselves well. The person who assaulted me was my older brother and that should have been the safest of men in my life but he wasn't. But creating a safe place to go when that stuff does happen or when someone makes your child feel even uncomfortable is the real way to protect them. Things will happen that's just how it is. But creating a safe place for your child to go when things like this happen where they will be loved and protected and believed is really the way to go.

I think we can do away with an audience permanently. This format is PERFECT!

My family is exactly like this Adrienne.. I was never allowed to go to friends’ houses if there were men. 100% relate. My little sisters are now going through the same thing, not allowed.

I think what I love most about the ladies from the real is how down to earth they are. It feels like talking to my friends.

They finally nailed the energy and chemistry and REAL on this show❤️

This whole conversation was very deep but very important.

This show is so educational. Topics from A-to-Z and always done respectfully. But when the ‘funny’ is on... these ladies are hysterical.😘👏😂👍🏼

I’m breaking every generational cycle for my girls!! 😌 it’s hard. But I’ll be damned if they ever go through what I went through! If generational trama can be passed down, so can love & healing 😇🥰😚

I feel awful about Adrienne's lack of relationship with her father and I'm sure mama Nilda now has some guilt over the realization that her protection had some negative effects, but I also don't blame her at all for being so protective. I'm glad Adrienne is making up for the lost moments with her dad now.

I can relate to Adriennes mom and Jeannie’s story. This one really hit me.

I really resonate with Adrienne’s trauma, and it got me realizing and learning about this part of myself, wow. Thank you ladies for sharing♥️🙏🏼

I really enjoyed this conversation. Parental trauma is very real. Currently trying to unlearn the trauma that I've inherited from my parents.

Can I just say, I love how Adrienne's mom protected her. I wish my mother was like that. I have many problems because my mother wasn't protective. Hate to say it, but sometimes I think my mother wanted me to be molested so I could experience the same trauma and torture she faced. I could be wrong. I think we NEED to protect our little GIRLS AND BOYS. Parents, please be careful with your children. I am not sure I want children bc of this.

Wow. All the ladies shared very important messages here. Love how open they are. All different traumas that really affect so many people

I hear what Adrienne is saying! I grew up very guarded, anxious and just aware idk if it was parents, daily news but I was very aware! But I’m grateful!

I totally get Adrieenne. That hypervigilance she's describing produces an underlying level of anxiety that's always there, but so ingrained that you don't even realize as its happening that it's anxiety. That's why this realization was groundbreaking for her, to grow older and realize, "wow, what became my mental norm was actually me existing in constant anxiety. I've never really fully experienced feeling safe." I know it well and it is definitely a result of "second hand" trauma of repeatedly hearing about or witnessing someone else's suffering and feeling the need to protect yourself from that danger.

Adrienne this made me cry.. so happy for you and your dad. Bless your mama

Adrianne....and the levels of angst, clarity, description, emotion, honesty, respect, and sincerity in which she expresses how this changed her way of thinking, seeing a situation, and having that conversation with her Mom...is next level parenting right there! And it will SURELY break any parental trauma/generational trauma b/c it has opened her mind in a way that a younger individual simply most likely wouldn't have been able to comprehend. Wow. Bravo!

My parents raised me to have a similar view about keeping physical distance from men and not allowing sleep overs. I'm happy they did that and I believe I grew out of that mentality at the right time. It's always best to be overcautious in this world.

Wow J Mai let us in on her culture. It makes sense why they are close in that culture as well as some other cultures. They have their own world system going on.

That part with parents overly protecting you from sexual assault. My parents never let me sleep over at friends' houses and it was so annoying but as an adult I understand completely. Many times assault goes undiscovered and happens so unexpectedly.

They were honest and open and I appreciate it so much. I think Adrienne articulated her struggle so well! I completely understand. I understand Loni's too. I see the wall she has put up around herself her whole life. I can relate to that. Thanks ladies.

Tamera did say that her mom never allowed them to sit on their dad's lap etc. I wonder whether her mom has some insecurities or past trauma also.

I have to say, I'm loving this season, learning something new everyday, enriching and entertaining. So glad you are all back in the studio together- it feels right!

I’m so glad I watched this. I understand where Adrienne is coming from and it opened my eyes to how protective I am of my son. Molestation can mess you up forever honestly

I appreciate the transparency of this conversation. However, as a psychologist myself, I do think we need to distinguish clearly between adverse emotional experiences throughout the lifespan, and psychological trauma. It's great that there's much more of a spotlight on mental health issues these days but I think trauma has become a catch all term. What the ladies appear to be talking about are general behaviors from their home culture that they carry with them. Children do learn more from demonstration than from instruction. Our home is our first society and so home life plays a big part in what we consider to be normal behavior with friendships, romantic relationships, work etc. At home, children tend to take the specific behaviors from their family and expand them to general models for life. Childhood adversity is a broad term that refers to a wide range of circumstances or events that pose a serious threat to a child’s physical or psychological well-being. Trauma is one possible outcome of exposure to adversity. Trauma occurs when any person perceives an event or set of circumstances as extremely frightening, harmful, or threatening-either emotionally, physically, or both. And is unable to cope with the event(s). In Loni's case for example, it's possible that there's trauma present from the repeated violence that occurred in her household. If she, say is hyper sensitive to loud sounds in the house or is triggered by any indication of anger from an man, this could be an indication of trauma. Please note that these are just some examples. Though everyone experiences situations differently and there's no telling what will be traumatic for who, as it's happening, whether an individual is able to cope with the circumstance is a bigger indicator of traumatic psychological injury. In short, there's a difference between: "that sucked and it took me some time to work through it" and "that sucked, I am stuck in the effects and memory of the event, neurological changes have been made to my brain as a result of the event, whether through increased sensitivity of stress, fear etc." Hope that makes sense. Thanks ladies for sharing with us☺

......and this is why I love this show, nobody is gonna keep it real like this wonderful ladies ❤️

Sleepovers are a two-edged sword for me. Being an only child, they helped me tremendously to see other families (I favored friends with siblings) and how they interacted. Plus, I learned about other customs like what keeping kosher meant or how to eat spicy foods from my friend's families. Sleepovers are some of my best childhood memories. But, I absolutely understand why people don't do it and the risks of it. I have had a couple of sleepovers for my child and I am very cautious to offer check-ins via phone/video if parents want them because we consider it a big responsibility and sign of trust to be entrusted with a kid's care.

Wow! Adrienne! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾

Adrienne articulated this PERFECTLY. 💯

I love this topic, I can relate so much to alot of these stories. Im so glad this topic is a little longer than the usual 2 to 5 minutes. Seriously, there are so many gems these women drop and they move on from topics sooooo fast imo.

Everything Adrienne said parallels with my life as well. Sheesh

Ade was SO accurate. I didn’t even realize I felt this way until she said it. My dad was the same exact way she described her mom and this all just clicked for me. Wow. I’ve felt extremely uncomfortable around men my entire life and it’s bc I was raised the same way. So eye opening

This was so well expressed and touching. Tears in my eyes for how deep this was. I hear the ladies so hard! ❤❤❤❤

You ladies have been my saving graces. Been going through a lot and starting to declutter my life and openi g up in group, but these videos are hitting all the right notesfor me. I literally went through this...affected every aspect of my early adult life.

Adriene story is very relatable and I am Hispanic latino, I dont trust men not even when I was child I am in my late 20s now. Still feel that way

Such a deep topic! I’m a bit overboard with my son and my daughter when it comes to potential predators as well. I was abused when I was a child and it defined my life bc my family blamed me. I would never want my kids to go through that so I will definitely admit, im overly cautious bc of my trauma! It’s a daily struggle that I pray my children never experience.

I feel ya Adrianne. My mom was super strict too. I didn't have my first slumber party till I had my own apartment at 17 lol. When I was younger I was mad about it but as an adult hearing everyone's trauma I am glad she protected me.

Thank you Adrianne.. As someone that has been sexually assaulted and harassed.. I have issues with men and you've given mee some insight from a different perspective.. I hope i don't allow my trauma to become something i force on my kids because of my fears..

I am divorced and I have been very open with my children and I am now teaching my children what a healthy relationship is. They always are able to ask me anything about anything

Adrienne i admire everything you have said and I can see and hear the growth. You’re going to be a great mom one day! Conversations and understanding are key!!!

I appreciate Loni talking about emotional and physical abuse!!!!

Gosh, Adrienne! What an honest moment. Thanks for your words and transparency, it was healing for a lot of us who were brought up the same way.

This season has been so great. I'm enjoying the segments and chemistry.

Love this segment. I just learned this in therapy. I had to get my childhood parental trauma and grief under control it was controlling my entire thought process. Childhood trauma is real.

I relate to Adrienne's point so much. I remember my mum telling me not to wear shorts in the house in case my dad or brother raped me. I know it was coming from a good place because she was abused by her dad but it meant that my dad and I never had that physical closeness and when I see my girlfriends being close to their dads I get so jealous. If I ever do have a daughter, I hope to teach her that it's okay to trust certain men but still be careful.

Yep Adrienne is right. I have conversations like this with well-meaning people in child safety circles. They say it doesn't affect the kids but this is real proof that it does.

Adrienne thank you for sharing your dads story!

I really appreciate the honesty and openness during this segment. It made me tap into things I was facing the entire time that I forgot to acknowledge.

Wow! Adrienne’s experience put a whole new sun in things! This was a deep segment!

I will say this: I dealt with some childhood trauma and even ended up going through therapy to navigate through my feelings and insecurities. Like Adrienne, I wasn't abused or anything but there were many situations that looking back, my parents could have handled better. Through therapy, I realized that childhood trauma is inevitable. It truly is. Even those who seem to have the "perfect" life have been traumatized in their childhood by an adult or family member somehow. I do believe that if you have the resources and time, please go to therapy before you become a parent. That is the one thing I wish my mother did before she became a parent, especially considering how my sibling and I were planned. It is amazing how today, many people can realize their childhood trauma and still work on not letting it fester.

I was raised JUST like Adrienne and I have that same relationship with my dad. I don’t even feel comfortable with my dad touching my knee. I am puerto rican too so I don’t know if it’s something cultural to a certain extent.

This was very useful and eye opening conversation. Helped put in perspective and give me more conviction on how I want to parent. Giving my kids the confidence to trust their gut/feel comfortable telling me anything, while note traumatizing them with specifics.

Wow, this was such a powerful conversation. Thank you, Adrienne, for sharing that very personal perspective.

One for me is having the eldest child be the third parent. My mom is the oldest and my grandma is the oldest so it's been passed to me. I watch my mom resent her siblings as a 50 year old woman over having to raise them in childhood and even adulthood. It took me going to therapy to realize that it was not my job to raise them and I need to live my life.

Really thankful for this segment. Four different women who have had four completely different experiences coming together to create such purposeful dialogue is extremely striking. THIS is the type of conversation I want to see happening around the world. I want people to feel safe enough to expose these parts of themselves that we all struggle with in an attempt to heal and be able to live such an enriched life full of love and happiness. My parents (and grandparents) have all gone through an immense amount of trauma and as a child it affected me in such negative ways. As a child or teenager you can only see things from your perspective so many things seem "NORMAL," but as an adult, with a very different perspective, I see how cruel and or inappropriate things were. I think this show talks about the "hard stuff" and I appreciate that as a viewer. I know television is an escape from reality at times, but it's also really meaningful to be able to watch something and relate to it and not feel like you're alone in your experiences. That there are others out there who understand and validate that your experience is a part of the path you've paved but your trauma does not have to dictate the entire journey!!

Great conversation ladies. Shoutout to Jeannie for bringing up the "financial parental trauma".

My Mami never showed affection with me, she showed thru her actions. So yea, I have issues with PDA, still 😕

This is definitely one of the best talk topic from them ladies

Really enjoying the ‘new’ Real! Topics, relationships between them all, Garcelle is a GREAT addition! Loving it all!

I have never really watched this show but I love it since they have this cast. They are so real. It's like sitting on the couch talking.

These topics are everything!!!! Thank u to whoever is choosing these topics and thanks to the ladies for sharing and being so vulnerable and allowing us to relate and reflect on our own experiences.

Jeannie will be an awesome mom and will protect her child like crazy . M glad Adrienne talked about this, I can relate in a way

I have ptsd, anxiety depression from growing up in a dysfunctional abusive household w alcoholic father

Loni was very open here. I’m sure it was hard for her to be so open and risk making her Mom feel bad. But we appreciate her sharing her story.

I was in my first year of university when the show aired in 2013. An OG watcher! And I LOVE this show... Honestly, this is such a great format. The topics, hosts' synergy, hair, make-up it's just all on point!

Adrienne, I’m so happy you talked about it. Because I went through this, and I’m actually going thru this right now. Thanks so much for sharing our story.

I'm still dealing with parental trauma and a little scared it won't get better

Wow..That was a powerful episode. Thank you, ladies.

Wow, these topics this season are particularly amazing and eye-opening! Im loving it guys, sending my love!!

What I love about this show is that these are real women from humble beginnings. I can see a little of myself in all of them- additionally, their talks are just so deep. Sometimes they can be lighthearted but not vapid like in other shows.

Ohmygosh Ade talking about loving her dad has me in tears 😭❤️‍🩹 I love these girls ♥️

First of all great segment and really hit home because I'm actually in therapy mostly due to my parents and the fact that their actions resulted in me experiencing trauma. Specifically, resulted in me not trusting parental love. My dad abandoned me and was never truly interested in being there for me whereas my mum very kind of similar to what Adrienne was saying which was not intended but resulted that even though I love my mother and I appreciate all that she had do for me as a single mum she also emotionally neglected me to a point where I find it difficult and tense up when she hugs me or any kind of love that she gives me. Its difficult to explain with typing. I've also experienced child molestation which was something that took a long time to come to terms to and move on and again like Adrienne, my mother was also attacked and I think her traumas also spilled out on me too. Which now we kind of talk about however i need to be careful with how i say things to her as i dont want her to feel bad because i know she tried best she can. However the big lesson i did learn from her that i don't want history to repeat itself on to my children like it was with me which is why I decided to go to therapy to help me because ultimately I dont my son to ever not trust or think us his parents as being unreliable with our love or that hes not our first priority because even now with my husband those thoughts and traumas still tend to manifest themselves. Anyway I didnt really want this to be a long post however if anyone read this and helps them I'm glad and I hope you all have a good day😊

I’m finally getting back into The Real. Haven’t watched it since Tamar left, but the topics and transparency I’m seeing these days makes me want to watch it again.

Yesssss Adrienne! My mom was also sexually molested as a child and had the rule that I couldn’t sit on mens lap etc etc etc everything your mom said BUT that did not apply to the father who raised me. He got to take me on dates, and cuddle with me, and I sat on his lap and I tell my parents all the time that having that experience led me to choose a husband who would treat me like my father did. I totally get where your mom came from; I literally heard stories over just this past weekend where the FATHER abused the daughter and then another father molested his son - they are both in prison. So that’s a scary though - but I think you have to be very mindful and watchful in any case, using discernment without being paranoid. If you know you’ve married a good partner and you were super intentional about doing so and you’ve observed him with other children and things like that before hand, then allowing your child to have that safe relationship will be extremely important

Oh my god hearing how Adrienne’s relationship with her father has healed to such an amazing place??? It made me cry. I’ve watched that clip of her speaking of the distance between her and her dad so much and hearing this made me so happy for her. I hope your relationship only continues to grow Adrienne

It's so helpful to see all of the ladies opening up about truthful events that may have traumatized them. We all need to have these convos from time to time as we all have gone thru something and maybe still getting over it... 🤔😐

Adrienne I think telling your daughter “if your father does something you need to tell me” that will give your child the same exact trauma that you have. The father of your future children isn’t like that at all so why even say that to a little girl and plant ugly seeds yk? Thanks for opening up to us ❤️

I think being in a space in my life where I’m in my 20s… I don’t think I have trauma or like PTSD… I never really had to think about like what was going on as finances I just knew we were a family and we never had to feel like “ hey we’re not having a meal tonight “ like parents that throw that kind of stuff in ur face… I think sometimes the idea of seeing other kids and families and hearing their lives and experiences cause children to come back home like “ but what about us… i wanna do that “ as far as emotional trauma I can’t stand the tactic of when a child is speaking for themselves… parents especially in BIPOC/AA communities see it as a sign of disrespect… and when a child/ teen/adult is growing up respecting adults on their own but now is in a space where they’ve never been able to speak up without it being seen as a sign of being “ grown “ or “ smelling yourself “… like I say this all the time yes kids are kids , teens are teens but age aside they are HUMAN & we have to treat them the way we would have like to be treated when we felt we were less understood when we were kids ! Like I have people in my life now that don’t even speak to their parents or open to them because of the fact like “ I don’t have that emotional connection to even do so because I was always shut down “ and that hurts me seeing this be a common issue ! Emotional trauma is so damn toxic

♥️🤍♥️ This topic was so good, I loooooove these topics & this setting this season…. And adding Garcel was the cherry on top

CONGRATULATIONS, LADIES! You have elevated the show to new depths and highs👑 Thank you for sharing your personal journeys with us. Greetings from London x

This is the most meaningful conversation I've heard on The Real.

I love how jeannie is looking extra beautiful in this pregnancy! Girl is glowinggggg ✨

This segment is so real and eye opening. I was molested when I was a kid by my boy cousin and uncle, and I never trusted men again. Now I feel I’m kind of like Adriennes mom.. my daughter has never been bathed by her father, very few diapers changes.. the thought of him wiping her made me CRINGE. When a man is around I make sure she’s dressed appropriately. Now I realize my kids will not dress or undress in front of each other, and I do feel I have past down my trauma and distrust on them 😞😞 PS.. molestation trauma has become a norm is Hispanic and Black cultures

I could relate to everything they were talking about in this clip, Jeannie and the financial trauma, which I have, Lonnie and witnessing all the drama, which I also have, Garcelle and the not asking for help or accepting being cared for, but Adrienne really touched me. What she was saying is so deep and real and true. It's something I am going through with wanting to protect my son from sexual abuse and also wanting him to be his affectionate, trusting self and have freedom in his body and safe, innocent intimacy with me and his father. It's so beautiful that she recognizes that her mother was doing the best she could to keep her safe and she is repairing that by having that affection and tenderness and intimacy with her father now. It's so hard and complex to protect your children without transmitting your trauma to them.