Great conversation guys, I am on Nozi’s side. Money plays a huge role in marriage whether we like it or not. It might happen that the couple now does not stay together and the lady does not support her man financially, she only takes care of herself so should they get married and move in together things will change. She will have to take care of both of them and possibly black tax as well. Her expenses will double whether they have a big wedding or just go sign at home affairs
There is a problem already in the relationship. Skhu has to understand that when the two ties the knot, the woman already has the first born with 32 teeth that alone is a problem. I will stop there because I don't want to dent the man's ego.
I think I agree nawe makaGT. For example I’m 26 if a guy I have been dating athi I think we ready for the next step . My mind will def skip to 5 years later. Are we both financially ok, who is going to take wat responsibility. I’m tht person that thinks ahead I don’t know if it’s cause I made a few blunders in my teens so now watever move I make has to be a calculated move. But nako think uTakaGT has a point . U can’t assume uGuy does not have a plan. She must ask relevant questions
I'm with Skhu in terms of the lady asking herself those questions and the partner as well particularly the one around how urgent is this. I believe if she really allows herself to truly interrogate this decision she will understand Nozi's point because that is reality.
Hhayi I am with Skhu Kule… The lady is already in a relationship with this guy which leads him on to even consider marriage, sadly the lady has made it seem okay to be in a relationship with him even without any income thus giving the impression that she is okay with the situation.
I 10 000 times agree with all of Nozi’s points. My motto… no money no marriage. The fact that she is asking is because she already sees certain things to be an issue but she is choosing to overlook them and now she isn’t sure. If it were me… as long as he has money. The minute he starts talking marriage. I’m in!!! I won’t have time to even ask my sisters via WhatsApp
I think Nozi’s point is not just about finances inside a marriage. It’s also; “How do we end up inside the marriage if the guy does not have the financial means to pay ilobola or fund a white wedding?”
Thiiiiizaa!!! Bhut Skhu has given me goosebumps!! THE LEVEL OF WISDOM!! THE LEVEL OF OPEN MINDEDNESS!! THE LEVEL OF EVERYTHING!!! IT NEEDS A HIGH LEVEL OF MATURITY AND HIGH IQ!! I AM FULLY WITH BHUT SKHU! BHUT SKHU MUST HONESTLY CONSIDER MARRIAGE COUNSELING, BECAUSE WOW! I had to type this in caps because this is next level of wisdom! Money is temporal. The man could lose his job the next day if he was working and earning an income, then what must happen? Point is, marriage is a sacred institution. It cannot be based on money. Money cannot be the foundation and money cannot be the dictator of building special union such as marriage. Thank you Bhut Skhu and Sis Nozi for this.
I completely understand what Bhut Skhu said: Looking at the factors on which this relationship is built, and whether or not it's thriving or dying under the current circumstances, which includes the financial and/or employment status of the couple. I just want to highlight that - as sacred as marriage is, it has multiple facets, which include Sexual life, Families, Decisions, character modification and/or development, and MONEY - Roles and responsibilities, etc... The point I'm trying to make is this if the lady has problems now with the current arrangements, then she should have a serious discussion with the guy - in fact, it needs to start within her: what does she want, her ideal family picture, how does it look like? If she has no problem with how things are, they have a plan, and they have considered the worst-case scenario regarding this current relationship arrangement, and she still believes it will work, then she should go ahead and marry her man. But, Money is a challenge in relationships. and men have egos. Please check my comment above, and tell me what you think.
Very true Nozi...got divorced due to something similar which impacted the marriage....I was earning almost triple his salary, all the responsibilities were placed on me,and was always reminded that am working when I needed financial assistance. Men have ego n empty pride. There's a huge difference when you cohabiting and when married. In marriage it's a must to do certain things, in cohabitation it's a choice. Love and happy anniversary
You both are correct (to a certain extent) and I say this because a combination of your replies to this lady’s question is the perfect response. 1) There’s a difference between the wedding ceremony and the marriage itself. If the lady can stay in this relationship being the sole breadwinner, and she is fine with the situation and the relationship is working then she won’t have any issues once she’s married to this guy. 2) Looking forward, marriage brings a lot of financial demands so what is the guys plan going forward? Yes, the lady can pay for her own lobola and wedding ceremony now but does the guy have a vision (financially) for the kind of marriage they want.
On this one I agree 120% with mama ka GT. Uncle Skhu is disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing 😅 "a concern now or in the future?" The thing is it is a CONCERN.
Happy anniversary guys, may your union continue to be blessed greatly. Money is a huge factor in marriage, I agree with Nozi. They must wait until the guy has an income of his own. Marriage is a big step and should be considered carefully. There might not be issues in the relationship currently regarding money but if they don't live together yet when they eventually do, who will pay all the bills, where will they live etc. There are so many factors
I was in such a marriage, IT DOESN'T WORK. Naturally as women whether we like to admit it or not we are just not made to be primary providers. Eventually we get tired. Also with men naturally their ego takes over and start having issues with not being a primary provider. Carry on dating , marriage requires money and that becomes an issue directly and indirectly in so many ways. Yhuu I wish there was an option for a VN but I'd advice her to stay away, speaking from experience
First let me wish you happy anniversary to you Mr&Mrs Mayaba. Great topic and its true we need money for running household but that doesnt mean we cant get married if we want to and we can find a way that works for us on how are we going to survive. As the future is unpredictable we could be getting married today siphangela soyi2 a year or six months down the line one of us looses income. So from my point of view I think we must find a way that works for us not looking on other marriges or copying others lifestyles.
Very true Thandie, it might be happen that a year down the line after marriage then my husband lost his Job ,so should l leave him coz sokune one income 😢 ,so l thing we must get married because of love not incomes tu
For me, it is important that we start on the same page, meaning that we need to both be working before or as we get married, so anything that happens after that we will deal with it together .
Great conversation !! I am with Nozi , money is crucial in relationships, particularly given the current economic state of our nation. However, I do want to acknowledge the valuable perspectives shared by Uncle Skhu. I think it is essential for the lady to engage her partner, seeking to clarify underlying questions and solicit his opinions. Armed with this information, she will be better equipped to arrive at a well-informed decision. I would suggest that the couple engage in an open and honest communication, carefully considering all factors and arrive at a mutual satisfactory conclusion.
I hear you, Skhumbuzo. These people are already staying together having one income now what ever they are coming to agreement with must revolve around their single income they are having now. Coming to Nozi the lady must ask herself if she is going to cope to feed and look after the old man until he gets a job if he is going to get one because it's not a child's play to have one income nibe nibabini with different personal and household needs. Congratulations and Happy anniversary 🎉 Guys
Nna I agree with Nozi. Never help a guy pay for your lobola. If he wants to get married he must have a plan and must not be comfortable with being provided for aowa
I agree with both views. We can never downplay the importance of money in any relationship and it’s true that when two people become one the expenses do double, however bhut Skhu is correct in saying she needs to ask the clear critical questions. Maybe he was just expressing that he wants to be in a long term commitment with her and obviously he knows that money is needed for marriage. The girl naye she needs to introspect and ask herself whether she wants to be with the guy or not because I’m sure she’s probably imagined being married to him.
My first concern is usisi doesn't mention that SHE herself wants to get married. Secondly, he is not working but does he have prospects to be employed in future? If not, is she okay with being the breadwinner and supporting him indefinitely? As Nozi says, there are complexities around the male ego and societal norms where men are deemed providers. All of which might strain their relationship sooner or later.
You guys both have valid points, as a middle ground, one needs to ask if there are any plans for this guy to change his employment status then we could argue differently
Well done Bhut Skhu for dealing with the matter at hand before the other additional parts of the matter , A clear example of men and women dealing with day to day matters , Both of you have great points in the matter but going back to the drawing board and the lady starting with her own reflection and where they are now as a couple and having the courageous conversation of their reality as a couple and how they plan to work around it so she can come up with her own answers first then their shared views etc , well done guys for being real.
I have never felt for sis Nozi as I am right now on this video. Uncle Skhu is stressing me out hle and I can see sis Nozi Is also stressed 😂😂. My thing is, if nothing will change once they get married, then why getting married then, how about they stay as they are. Also if this was not an issue, the lady wouldn't even ask for advice on this, the fact that she asked means she's concerned but really love the guy. Like it or not marriage stage has a lot more responsibilities and dating stage and those responsibilities majority of them needs money.
Fruitful conversation guys❤️ Skhu iyavakala iPoint yakho the lady must ask herself those 3 key questions and at the same time imali plays a huge role in any type of relationship. Happy anniversary guys🎉🎉🎉✨✨❤️ kuseza neMother’s Day for present Skhu ngoMay🤣
I fully agree with Sis Nozi money plays a big role in a relationship and also I get where Bhuti Skhu is coming from also. I think the lady doesn’t mind being the breadwinner in the relationship but she’s just not sure if she’ll be able to continue with it in marriage form.
I was once in that situation mna what I did,I ask him all these questions ucc Nozie is asking....then I reach a point where I have to cut whatever we had... because he took everything in a sensitive way...so all in all money is very important when it comes to a marriage
I agree with your husband. And I am usually all about women. But, honestly men are with women all the time who are not working or where they want to be now and it’s not really and issue. The women must ask herself is the relationship worth it? Is he worth? I can not believe I agree with your husband but I do.
You both raised valid points, but I stand with uSis Nozi on this one. Yes, the relationship has been surviving with one salary, but I also like to think that the lady wants the husband to have his own salary so that they can meet eachother halfway. Maybe she would also like to enjoy gifts of her man's own money just like uSis Nozi 😝. On the other hand, I would like to think that responsibilities increase during marriage and because of that, she may be concerned that one salary will not be enough.
I Happy to see you Nozie now on TV show yes am hiv . I feel like you are my real sister it's now more than 2 years now since I know on RU-vid. Wish you the best on your show it's nice to see you growing.
I agree with Nozi money plays a big part in a marriage and also if responsibilities are reversed its also gonna be a problem in a long run imagine working alone and coming home from work to submit emuntwini omele wena to provide for him soze sana
Eish it's a difficult one,I'm on Nozis side but,now I can't help but to think about if it was the other way around,if it was the lady who was not working..
Hay u guy makame ngomtshato😂aqale afumane umsebenzi and hustle cz they can't just get married 😭umtshato is veryyy expensive as I'm looking ❤and I'm sure they are not ready for those wedding preparation struggles
I love you Nozi cc you’re practical marriage has own it’s responsibilities imali yona iyafuneka. Yes, marriage can’t be based on money but ke imali is important Nozi cc. You’re wise Skhu thiza xa ndizotshata ndizoza kuni for counseling. You complement each other shame ❤
And nyan ke sis Nozi, money is very sensitive in a relationship ❤and that's one of the reasons I'm not dating 😂cz Varsity girls 😭yhoo they love money as if we are not both students 😂😂😂hay mna I'm good alone and making myself happy ❤❤😊very important
Makabongwe! Finances are critical to marriage sustainability. In fact financial troubles reveal the true self of partner married to. Easy to be in love and make promises to each other. The grind of life reveal the different layers of the "I".
I get your points, respectively. I think we discount the fact that when a woman falls in love with someone that doesn't bring home income, we don't envisage the situation to be the same for years to come. We hope and pray that they will too get a job that pays enough, so we stay in those relationships with a hope, for the one we love. Comes in the issue of getting married... Thats where now our sense come to, will you be able to still be living in hope, whilst footing for all the bills? Will this be enough? Is love, in this matter, enough? Those are the questions she needs to ask her self.
Nozi sis'wam, I'm 100% behind you my dhiye. Yes, the couple may have been together for now and may have managed to make ends meet... BUT SAAAAANA, marriage??? It's a different story. So icebo, kunga tshati mntaka bawo uBhuti engeka binayo income eConsistant.
Hi bantu bam, i believe that this issue can still be resolved by just advising the guy in a well mannered way in their conversation that "baby I get you want to marry me but can we first look for job, that will make our financial status more stronger in terms of doing necessary things like Lobola and our weeding" obviously that will show a man that the point is for fruitful results. They need to combine something alok. Money is very sensitive in a relationship i agree with Nozie shame🤞🤞
I agree with Nozi. This isn't just about the ceremony, lobola or their status. Right now they are individuals: legally and financially, regardless of if they stay together or not. Once they get married either with the multiple ceremonies or just signing, their liabilities and expenses become each others. She won't be able to choose not to intervene once they are married, which by default will be in community of property. And if she wants to keep what's hers protected going in, she'll have to pay for that prenup. Either way, she's footing the bill.
I'm with Nozi 😂 sisi! Don't!! I don't get it why a man would want to get married but akasebenzi 🤔 njani na sana! It is a concern for me ngoku ndingena full info
Why is Skhu pretending not to see the obvious😂! Haiyi, anonymous must run for her life unless she wants to be the sole breadwinner in her relationship. I get you Nozi💯
One thing I dislike about us ladies, is the hide and seek play, the guy is clear on his terms and what he wants, the lady should ask the guy, you getting married with what? How will we live in the commited marriage and also it depends how they will be doing their marriage, covenant or? The religion question Skhu asked is important because some religion weddings are done by the women's side, if the issue is about financial burden of the weddings then what about the marriage itself. How will they feed, if they decide to have kids? Nozi also has a point marriage is not about two people. You marry For kingdom. Skhu relationship and marriage differs, most marriages collapse before they even starts, the lady knows already that there's red flags there hence the question. Most relationship issues concerns question are symptoms but there's underlying issues that at times needs a person to sit down with the couple and get a clear picture of the problems and what brings those concerns. She needs to ask herself where she possibly sees herself in the next 5years with the guy, she is the only one who can tell if there's solid future and the future of their kids if they choose to have. We marry for legacy. When you are a man and think of marriage, think about the burden of financial security, how you'll survive even in the marriage who will carry the burden? And money also is not the only concern, potentials matters. For me am an old School, the man is the Head of a home (not a financial provider per day as society wants to make it). God has a home structure. There's a lot she needs to think about here. Their relationship has deeper issues than what meet the eyes, the " I want to get married is just the symptoms" of the problems, there are issues in that relationship. The lady has to ask more questions and get clarity and also does the guy has potentials? Is there progress on the guys side from the time they have been together? Or he is the type of guy who talks maybe about changing his circumstance but no progress. I know most people say women like money and materialistic etc I disagree strongly, women like to see progress, you can't be with a partner you met him/her 5 or 10years ago with grade 12 and years later he still has grade 12, woman Value progress and hates stagnation. That's how we are wired. The guy seems honest and clear on what he wants, is the lady honest about his concern to the guy. Imagine them being married and having disagreement and the guy says you married me in this circumstance what has changed. I wouldn't advise anyone to marry anyone who has no potential of progressing and being a better version of themselves. You have to marry where you are going not where you are....marriage sounds good on theoretical or discussion terms but when you in it, it comes with a lot of responsibility.
As a woman i am with Nozi money plays a huge role in any relationship, i mean everything nje is on sisi shoulders even the toiletries, aphumle nini uzakudinwa shem, but uSkhu uchubekile kakhulu yena his points make sense kumntu okwaziyo ukucinga offwhich asimazi ubhuti izizathu zakhe zofuna umtshato it could be ubone le comfort ayivayo, but is he willing to put in effort if roles are gonna be swapped?😊
Kudingeka imali qhaa. Nozi I agree with you. The celebration is so expensive. Who must carry the load awa. The guy must get an income. Bhuti skhu u nail it but if they're blacks he must work for izinkomo zakhe
I agree with skhu partly,because how is the relationship working now.but the general assumption should be,if they are not married they dont live together.there will be a lot of adjustments when they live together. The truth is he needs to be self reliant first and one of the man's role is to provide,how is planning to do that. Nozi is right man, how is he even planning to lobola her... the blessings of the parents are Very important and thats something we tend to overlook nowadays...
Well I just decided to end a 3 yr relationship bcs of exactly this, I cnt be the provider cz that makes me feel like I'm taking the man's role yes I contribute but now he wants to get married but I can see all expenses will fall on me when we married and I'll automatically be the head of the house, yes hz earning whatever but already I'm paying more than he pays for things and he seems fine with t so if hz comfortable now ts gonna get worse in marriage, so deep in me I know hz not the kind of man i want cz i loose respect for a man that sits back and let a woman handle everything so my concern in existing and future related as well...am I wrong??
Esijolweni there is no obligation to carry the other person financially ewe ungamnceda xa ukwazi. In a marriage though the dynamic changes because now there are families involved and expectations created. Also most people get married inCOP which means you inherit each other’s debt etc… Everything changes emtshatweni. Also behavioural dynamic izothini into in terms of the domestics… Hayi I must agree with Nozi, bhuti Skhu is trying to see the silver lining.
I agree with bhuti Skhu, mna when I was growing up we were taught in my teen years ukuba if a man wants to marry you , he must come with the full plan. My pastor would say fanele umbuze ubana, "ewe ndiyakuva ufuna ukunditshata but lithin icebo lakho". He said life after the wedding can be very difficult due to finances, causing fights and familiarising early divorces hence why it is important for a man to come with a fully intact plan mapped out to you and realistic if he is serious about marrying you and yes finances are important so I'd say you both correct despite them living together now ,the question remains at what the next plan will be. So yeah she should go back and ask about the plan😅
The 3 Qs from uncle Skhu answers the lady....i so like the last one ya gore"is getting married to this guy urgent " i love you so much family and happy anniversary ❤🎉😊
First of all, we enjoy watching you guys a lot!😂😂😂 We are TheDarlingtons. It’s a bit tricky when a man doesn’t work and the lady is the breadwinner. They probably should wait and analyse this properly. What’s the reason he isn’t working? Is it circumstance or drive? And where do we draw the line? The man is probably not doing enough to step up to what it demands of him to be a man and be at the top of his game. This is our concern. Other than that, if that man is grinding and is consistent, perhaps they should also wait a little bit until they are both comfortable. Also, she needs to have a list of non-negotiables. That will also help in giving her confidence in the decision she makes because she will be clear on what she wants and what she really doesn’t want.
I'm with Skhu on this one. This isa reality many women face in their lives. There are many reasons why she would have decided to be with him all these years despite their financial situation. They definitely need to talk about how things will look gping forward if anything needs to change. As much we preach and say we believe in traditional roles, many people are more flexible than what they are willing to admit. I think if he has a long term plan that he is working on that she is willing to get behind then she should not worry about what others will say. She needs to find the comfort in what she is living and go forth with it or makayeke the guym kudala ayazi that he isn't working. Unless she's been holding on to hope and not reality
Hayi Skhu it's very clear ba ilady mali phangele ligobe umqolo umtshato is another level of relationship soze nisebenze not unless kuzotshintshwa ke lendoda izazi ingu izoxhomekeka ku wife
I agree with him. It must come from her, the decision should not be based on the guy because circumstances change..this is life. What if u marry him n he's working well n has money then 2 months down the line he gets retrenched n struggles to find employment she will be an angry wife n mistreat him coz she didn't choose him for the right reasons. Life is difficult, we try to minimize risks as much as we can but marriage must be done for the right reasons.
I agree with the both perspectives, infact I think both are interlinked. In my understanding, Bhut'Skhu's point is about usisi having a deeper conversation nobhuti about what they define as marriage, its urgency and the other points he mentioned then after this conversation they then move on to ask themselves the questions Sis'Nozi is asking about how will they be able to handle joint expenses xa sebetshatile. This was an eye opening conversation because nyani sometimes youre able to oversee some things because youre not married to the person but in order to move on to the next stage of the relationship, in depth conversations need to be had about what you'd both like that stage to entail and look like. Thank you so much Sis'Nozi for these conversations ❤❤❤
Hell Nooooo! I agree with Nozi , They cant get married the guy must get a job first. Amadoda ayaphapha bazoshada then mase esebenza bese eyamkhumbuza ukuthi kakade angikulobolanga wazilobola then what? angeke mayefuna ukushada akathole umsebenzi. Uthando lendoda ulibona kahle mase yona isebenza uzokutshengisa ukuthi ungu bani .Manje usancengile ngoba engasebenzi.
❤❤masimbulele bethuna uBhut Skhu for the anniversary gift❤😂😂ncaa USMEG in the new kitchen 😂😂❤😍ndithanda lento Bhut Skhu eyibonile need yale kettle after ubengavumelan nalento yokuba😂why SMEG
Hay Skhu! You are my guy but hay this time ndikunye no Nozi... 🤗. The funny part is that deep down u Skhu knows that Nozi's argument makes sense qha uqinile enyaleni sana 😂😂😂
Money is a point of high stress in relationships. I feel as if one of the biggest problems is that people are really scared to be upfront about the realities of finances and the impacts they have for all affected parties.
Hayi I'm with sis Nozi sana ngeke we can say money is not important in a relationship, money is important guys it makes life easier and now Sisi is doing things out of her own will once they get married now she will obligated to do things even if she doesn't want also ithini I plan ka bhuti because lady cannot pay her own Lobola noba ngaba bazo sign for now but at some point they will need to do things right bhuti will need to Lobola yhuuuuuu hayi sana ngeke makafumane clarity u Sisi sana before enze decision
Thank you Bhuti Sikhu, how did the relationship survive kanti money seems to be such a big issue . Maybe he has a plan , has she asked what is his plan ngoba am sure he thought this through. Usisi must be just worried about sharing all her assets with ubhuti .Guy is seeking commitment , she must put a time frame for him so he can get his things together and also consider her concerns .
